r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/ArcherVisible5866 • 3h ago
Video New controversial Ad in Ireland about consent
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u/bluepushkin 3h ago
I was the first child in my parent's friend group, first kid in my generation for my family. I was hugged and kissed constantly. Didn't like it. Ever. No one ever cared that I didn't like it. It was funny to watch a baby, then a toddler and then a child bawl their eyes out and try to get away from grabby adults. Guess who is now 35 years old and still doesn't like people touching them? It's me.
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u/TangerineNo7118 2h ago
I’m the EXACT same.
I had a funny interaction recently! I don’t like hugging people (only if I haven’t seen them for a very long time or on special occasions). Met this girl a few days ago, we hugged when we met, I didn’t like it but I’m used to it at this point. When we were saying bye, she asked me if I mind hugging when saying hello. I told her no, I don’t mind and you know I really meant it. Was thinking about it all the way home. Literally just because she asked and because I no longer felt obligated or weird for not enjoying this social interaction I didn’t mind doing it.
I’m 27 and this was the first time someone has asked me this.
All my life I refused, was clearly not enjoying/uncomfortable, no one ever cares. Sure it’s just a hug! 😩 horrible stuff.
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u/aaronious03 1h ago
I'm typically a hugger. Hug my brothers, friends, etc. My sister in law doesn't like hugs, so we first bump when saying goodbye. And that's totally fine. Every now and then, she'll ask for a hug, and that's cool too.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting hugs.
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u/Brilliant-Shine-3310 2h ago
I remember hiding under the coat pile at family parties so that people wouldn't hug and kiss me.
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u/Chocolate_Sister 2h ago
This brings me back to the 80's in my gaff. "Ahhh give your Uncle Frank a hug...go wannn, give him a huggg!"....your Ma's pissed drunk, your Uncle Frank's pissed drunk, everyone's pissed drunk except you and the dog. You're ten, scared of the smokey booze smelling room, Uncle Frank who's staggering and groping for his hug ( vomm) and you're just expected to comply. Yes, consent as to whether or not you want a hug from Uncle Frank is a must, in fact being ordered to hug him is now a big no no. Thank fk.
My own daughter was told she doesn't have to hug anyone she doesn't want to due to those horrible memories I have, and completely unrelated to that, she's actually confided in me that she hates when one of her uncles hugs her (he does it far too tight) so I told her then don't do it next time, she's allowed to create her own boundaries. We know better now.
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u/PRRZ70 3h ago
As a kid (and even as an adult) there have been many times I have been truly not wanting to be hugged by some folks, even if they're family members.
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u/FlorianTheLynx 3h ago
My ex’s grandmother would insist on giving me a slobbery kiss on the cheek. Disgusting. People need to be taught boundaries.
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u/FindjeanniePDX 3h ago
I let my kid choose hug or no hug and she was always a good judge.
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u/sunshinerf 2h ago
My former best friend would always make his kid hug everyone when came by. They love to host and have guests more often than not. Whenever I would come in and she didn't feel like giving me a hug he would mad at her, and I would say no. You don't have to hug me if you don't want to, but if you do want to I would LOVE a hug. Guess who she would turn to when get-together got overwhelming for her? Without fail, she would go e me this look that I knew meant she needs a time out. I'd go to her, she'd ask if I can go to her room with her, and we'd lay on the floor in the dark looking at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling or look at her new shoes or read a story. I was her safe space when she needed to get away from people.
I miss that kid a lot, it's unfortunate her parents turned into raging bigots I want nothing to do with.
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u/AlaeOrbis 2h ago
Man I wish men could do this. I always love kids. If I could, I would love to be the kind of person I wish was there for me as a kid. But dear god, if a man went into a room alone with a kid at a party or a get-together the amount of "he's creepy" or rumors or allegations would be insane.
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u/mostly_lurking 3h ago
If you think this is controversial you might have a boundary problem.
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u/Early_Particular9170 3h ago edited 1h ago
Agreed. I was a kid whose consent got ignored for things like hugs and kisses. At multiple points, my mom physically forced a kiss on me after I had verbally told her no. It feels awful to have your boundaries ignored when it comes to your own body, and it’s a dangerous lesson to teach a child.
She once gave a stranger consent to take a photo of me before I could give an answer. I had been an adult for years at that point. Some parents genuinely think their children are extensions of themselves rather than an autonomous human being with agency.
ETA: My mother was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive throughout my childhood in ways that caused (professionally diagnosed) PTSD. That kind of thing changes how a person views affection from a parent.
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u/Xav_NZ 3h ago edited 2h ago
As a kid I was forced to kiss a deceased Aunt in her coffin at the funeral.
I have refused to attend any open coffin funerals since or attended only after the coffin was sealed.
Actual life long trauma right there.
Edit: thanks for all the kind words internet strangers.
PS Consent and boundaries should absolutely be a thing within a family and no one let alone kids should be forced into uncomfortable situations without asking them first.
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u/SherBear127 3h ago
My grandfather used to kiss me on the neck and I hated it, And told my mom it made me uncomfortable. She told me he is my grandfather and to basically just deal with it.
Later found out my grandfather was a pedo and my mother knew the whole time136
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u/tsukipon 2h ago
omg the same thing happened to me. And then when he passed, she was surprised that I didn't want to go to the funeral
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u/Danimalscrossing 1h ago
This happened to me with my stepdad, same thing. Turns out he was a huge pedo.
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u/Plead_thy_fifth 3h ago
Thats fucked up.
But to be fair, you aren't missing anything. I refuse to see open caskets of anyone I know/loved because that turns into my final memory of them and every time I see them I just think of their fake looking dead body, instead of the great memories I had with them.
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u/chasing_the_wind 3h ago
Yeah I got pressured into seeing my dead twin brother at the morgue. I didn’t want to go but everyone was convinced I wouldn’t be able to accept he was dead without seeing it.
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u/whineyinternetkid 3h ago
Omggg thats actually insanity. Im sorry you had to do that. Who would think is ok to do that
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u/YdocT 2h ago
Some parents genuinely think their children are extensions of themselves rather than an autonomous human being with agency. this just really helped me and I don't wanna forget. Thank you.
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u/HouseofFeathers 2h ago
My mom has told me on multiple occasions that parents own their children.
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u/NekoArtemis 2h ago
Hey I've heard that one too. That and variations on "I brought you into this world I can take you out."
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u/Early_Particular9170 2h ago
Ditto! And everything I owned, whether a gift or something I bought for myself, belonged to them and they could take it away at any time.
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u/TimberVolk 2h ago
I've never understood why people were so insistent on forcing hugs or kisses from kids. At times I may offer a hug to my little cousins or my friends' kids if they're generally comfortable with it, but I always ask, I never step toward them when I do, and if they say 'no,' I make a point of going, "That's okay! You don't have to give hugs if you don't want."
It's such an easy way to define agency around physical contact in young kids and yet it's one of their most deprived boundaries.
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u/theDefaultbunny 3h ago
yes! I'm in my 40's and my mom still tries to force hugs and physical contact with me. The thing is, I really enjoy physical contact. What I don't enjoy is having it FORCED ION ME. And then when she does hug me, it's like when a person is drowning, and they cling to the person trying to save them and end up dragging them both down. I hate it.
My partner and I make sure our kids know that they never have to accept unwanted touch, or even comments.
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u/This_Option_5250 2h ago
its only very recently that the world started to move away from the idea that kids are your property to do with as you please. Its still a struggle for a lot of people to get their heads around for various reasons. But we are thankfully moving in the right direction.
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u/Darth_Krios 3h ago edited 2h ago
Not quite.
It's accurate to say that this IS controversial. That is made evident by the opposing opinions in the comments here.
Edit to add:
A thing is not controversial because you disagree with it, a thing is controversial when it causes people to disagree with each other about it.
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u/2025TastyTreats 3h ago
And thus a successful ad. They deliberately chose the least controversial interaction possible, hugging grandparents, to create engagement and conversation.
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u/Sad_Polish_Guy29 3h ago
If there is one thing Ireland is very good at, it is making public service announcements that get the point across. Irish government PSA's have always been very blunt and to the point.
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u/Chiiro 2h ago
Didn't they also make that one ad where like I bunch of elementary schoolers get killed buy a car spinning towards them?
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u/No_Ground_817 2h ago
Yup. Dude crashes over a wall and the car rolls over an entire primary school class. Amazingly, they don't even cut before the point of impact, though obviously the "impact" is not actually real and they clearly just got the kids to lie down face-down and then edited the footage of the roll together with it to give the impression that the car was rolling over the kids. But the fact is they still showed a car rolling over an entire elementary school class.
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u/-rosa-azul- 55m ago
They also did "pause before you post" regarding being safe about what you share about kids on social media. It's actually nerve-racking to watch.
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u/Tananaka 3h ago edited 1h ago
The people who keep commenting "omg you're being sensitive" are so dumb.
This isn't a "Don't touch people anymore" PSA.
It's a "Hey, be more aware of what you're doing before you're doing it" PSA.
Half of y'all acting as if it's somehow your 1st amendment right to hug someone and that's just weird af 🫠
It's literally not that hard to greet someone without hugging them...
EDIT: People seem to be missing the point and keep considering the kid to be "sensitive" in the commercial.
The commercial isn't focusing on the kid here, it's focusing on the adults/huggers. The message is literally to be mindful. SIMPLE.
If you're someone that hugs people with ill intent, it doesn't matter. You're an ill-intented person anyways so you wouldn't care.
If you're someone that hugs people without ill intent, it's suppose to tell you to be mindful that no matter how good your intentions are, some people will be discomforted by it.
Those of you who are complaining about people being sensitive? You're part of the group that holds ill-intented, because why are you even making such a big deal about this if you truly care for the other person?
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u/euphoricarugula346 1h ago
I mean people can’t even handle not saying specific words, now you expect them not to perform specific actions? /s
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u/Astralglamour 3h ago
Forcing children to allow touch from relatives and authority figures is one way abusers are able to abuse.
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u/EPorteous 2h ago edited 1h ago
I feel this advert is controversial on PURPOSE! It is designed to annoy a percentage of the population and get them talking. It will then be further raised on the news and on social media.
Adverts like these ultimately get people talking and raise awareness.
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u/Articulationized 1h ago
And then hopefully make the issue better, but maybe just further bifurcate the population and contribute to more tribalism, followed by people deciding to elect a shitty president in order to troll people they don’t like.
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u/Itsgxl 3h ago
Screw this give me the infamous folgers ad
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u/sprinklesaurus13 3h ago
I just saw that ad for the first time yesterday on another sub! Guess I've been under a rock for 10 years...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=dL5wwBu78bvybjn_&v=fhfcWTZeP1k&feature=youtu.be
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u/Unusual_Bug_8679 2h ago
Children that learn to say no to physical touch when the stakes are low, turn into adults that are able to say no when stakes are high.
I wish I would have felt more comfortable to say no, I still struggle with it. Plenty of situations where my body was disrespected and I didn’t know how to deal with it
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u/ProfessO3o 3h ago
I know autistic kids often don’t want to be hugged or touched. I don’t think it matters if they’re autistic or not if someone doesn’t want affection then it’s not a big deal.
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u/IAmTheJudasTree 1h ago
My newphew is 11 years old and he's autistic. Hugging makes him uncomfortable, so I ask him if he wants a hug, if he says no I say no problem. Sometimes I ask if he wants a high five instead and he's into that. Just ask kids questions and listen to them.
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u/mrsdoubleu 3h ago
If they aired this in the US fox News would have a meltdown. I can see it now. Jesse Watters screaming on the TV, "now the left want to make it so we can't hug our kids! Wake up America!"
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u/Rotteneverything 3h ago
my niece is very much like this. hugging makes her skin crawl and she's always been that way. i give her fist bumps.
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u/Practical-Lemon6993 3h ago
My nephew is the same. We do ‘finger hugs’ as the word for a hug in my language is the same as the one for pressing something. Just giving him the option to chose I have noticed that he then will initiate a hug afterwards more often than not. Drives the grandparents nuts that he gives me that.
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u/delphinus-delphis 3h ago
And I bet she likes you much more for it. Maybe one day she gives you a voluntary hug and you feel great about it. Instead of feeling rejected if you had forced it on her.
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u/FearlessPressure3 2h ago
My family thought I was mental when, as soon as she was old enough to understand, I let my niece choose if she wanted to hug me or not. And for seven years she never initiated one and shyly refused if I asked but I always just let it go with “that’s fine” even as other relatives continued to force her despite her being clearly uncomfortable. She still doesn’t always want to but I like to think that the hugs I do get are more special. Her younger sisters, on the other hand, are like limpets and can’t get enough hugs!
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u/FullofLovingSpite 2h ago
Shit, good call. I will do this with my nieces. I don't push them with anything, but the hug hi and bye is just automatic. However, one is in middle school now, so it's especially a good time to give her options. Saying no to hugging her uncle would make it a lot easier for her to say no to others, and I want her to be powerful, so that will help.
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u/shaggysnorlax 2h ago
What could possibly be controversial about this?
Sorts by controversial and just finds people who are exactly the target audience for this ad
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u/Silent-Cable-9882 1h ago
People get ENRAGED if you ever dare to claim children should be treated as full humans with boundaries and preferences. Because making a kid bathe and brush their teeth is the same thing as forcing hugs on them, obviously.
When I watch my nephews, I make them eat balanced meals. I don’t force feed them brussels sprouts even though they despise them.
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u/Opentobeingwrong 2h ago
Where I'm from kids are being taught "Stop, my body". It's a great way for letting them decide over their personal space and ser their own boundaries. It also teaches them in the same way that you should never disrespect other peoples boundaries. A very good antidote to rape culture.
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u/bridgest844 3h ago
Affection is earned. Simple as that.
We have never, even one time, made our daughter hug someone but you know what she does when she see greets us or her grandparents. She runs up and gives them a hug because she wants to. Not because it’s expected/required.
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u/wholovesoreos 3h ago
You guys are good parents! Seems like a lot of commenters eager to hug unwilling people just don't want to accept they're not very well liked in the first place.
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u/shortmumof2 2h ago
😂 am a grandma with a granddaughter, I used to kiss her cheeks when she was a baby, a toddler and still do but now that she’s older, I ask and accept that sometimes she doesn’t want kisses or hugs. It’s just part of them growing up. She will still let me kiss her cheeks when she’s in the mood for snuggles and I cherish it and tell her how I used to kiss her Mom’s cheeks when she was little and hers too. This ad cracks me up
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u/InterstellarChange 3h ago
I think the message would have been more clear if it was "grabby uncle billy"
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u/work_work-work 3h ago
It's better that it's aunt Patty. Women always think their hugs are welcome - they aren't!
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u/Visual_Box_218 2h ago edited 2h ago
Nah, we need more depictions of seemingly non-creepy people violating boundaries. Because it's not often "grabby uncle billy" who ends up committing SA/CSA. It's usually the people you don't expect.
For me, it was my mom, from infancy to around 10. My family was also very much a hugs-and-kisses-and-such, even when I clearly didn't want it, type of family. It helped teach me that my body didn't belong to me, and that family couldn't do any wrong.
So when my mom did what she did to me (rape), saying no wasn't even an option. When I did eventually try to say no, then came the "I'm your mom. I could never do anything bad to you." or "I'm your mom. It doesn't count." or "Oh, please. Your body is like my own." or "It doesn't hurt. Get over it." or "You used to love it when you were a baby." or "Come on. It makes me so happy." and other horrible things.
These are all very similar to the lines I'd hear from family whenever I tried to just say no to something as simple as a hug.
EDIT: To be clear, I'm in my 30s now. Not a child in danger currently. But this is definitely something I'm still working through, since I didn't get away from my mom until a few years ago, and she continued doing things to me long into adulthood.
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u/Killing4MotherAgain 3h ago edited 2h ago
Nah we need to teach children how to say no thank you to the people they're comfortable with so they have the confidence to say it to the people they aren't comfortable with.
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u/greatdeity924 3h ago
I think the idea is they went the tamest route possible for the tv screen.
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u/StanknBeans 3h ago
Also there are a lot of people who don't see ignoring someone's personal space as intruding on them because they don't and never thought to consider that others might not feel the same way about it as they do
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u/thisdesignup 1h ago
SERIOUSLY! This is all there is to it. Consent isn't just about someone telling you what they want or don't want. It's about actually listening to and caring about the thoughts of the other people involved.
Nobody likes being forced to do things so you'd think we'd all be understanding and actually think about others. Especially when that thing has no repercussions whether it's done or not.
And the worst part is, something like a hug is a way to show that you care about someone. If you aren't considering their feelings towards that thing then what kind of care is that?
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u/Mediocre-Cobbler5744 3h ago
That would undercut the point which is that a minor physical interaction also requires consent.
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u/EternumD 2h ago
That would be less clear, because then people would assume it doesn't apply to them
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u/sentence-interruptio 2h ago
then hug-hungry relatives will be like "at least I'm not like that creepy uncle in that ad. my hug is totally fine. everyone loves my hug"
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u/jinkjankjunk 3h ago
Where were these ads when I was growing up getting my cheeks pinched right off my face!?
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u/It_was_mee_all_along 3h ago
I think people are getting, maybe, too sensitive?
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u/BLYNDLUCK 3h ago
Ok this is absolutely an honest question. Are you referring to the people who think those add is a good thing or the people who don’t think it’s a good thing?
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u/Accomplished-City484 3h ago
The ambiguity makes it a great comment, because they have both camps agreeing
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u/Tsu_Dho_Namh 3h ago
They said people are getting too sensitive. Implying people weren't too sensitive before.
Since hugs from grandparents didn't need consent before, it stands to reason they're referring to the people who think this ad is a good thing.
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u/thisdesignup 2h ago
They needed consent before too, they just didn't ask.
There's plenty of jokes in media about unwanted attention from grandparents kissing on their grandkids, pinching their cheeks, hugging them, etc.
The whole reason consent is a topic now is because people didn't like it before.
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u/bitchimgandalf 3h ago
Or it turns out that telling children all strangers are dangerous but you must always hug everyone in the family including tolerating unwanted physical touch from distant relatives you never see sends mixed signals to children about when it's okay to speak up about discomfort.
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u/Goobersita 3h ago
This should be the top comment. Schools are now teaching things like this in early learning. Lets hope we can prevent at least some percentage of child abuse. Especially considering most is conducted by family members.
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u/unwarrend 2h ago
The culture around consent and personal space is changing, and likely for the better. Promoting children to exercise boundaries within ostensibly 'safe' environments gives them the confidence and muscle memory to ward off potential bad actors (in theory). I am also a product of my time, and the notion of choosing not to reciprocate a hug to family was never a consideration. I never felt uncomfortable. I would also probably have tolerated abuse had I not been privileged enough to never encounter it.
TLDR: My gut says we are becoming overly sensitive towards certain previously normative behaviour. My brain acknowledges this cultural shift as being generally positive, even though it feels counterintuitive.
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u/notnatasharostova 1h ago
In our culture it is so normalized to performatively crusade against pedophiles by calling for the death penalty or threatening physical violence against sexual abusers. Yet meaningfully advocating for children's bodily autonomy, which is the single most effective thing you can do to protect them from abuse, is ridiculed.
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u/Living_Karma11 3h ago
Nah consent always matters. As a child that was forced to give hugs and accept affection from
Family members when I didn’t feel comfortable/didn’t want it, it’s absolutely important.People are just starting to take it seriously.
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u/negroidioto 2h ago
I love my maymo & granda, however, I don’t want their hot breath and smell of cigarettes & stale coffee kisses on my cheek; nor the smell of Deep Heat on my clothes. I am good with a, ‘let me get a look at you. look how tall you’ve gotten’ when either of us visits the other. I don’t care to have any of family impose physical attention onto me.
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u/FiercelyApatheticLad 3h ago
Maybe people are allowed to be sensitive about their personal space.
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u/mythrowawaylolol 3h ago
"You're too sensitive" is something victims of narcissistic abuse hear frequently. It's part of the gaslighting that is part of the normalisation of the abuse. Children are particularly susceptible to it. How sensitive somebody is is entirely their business.
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u/Acceptable-Post733 3h ago
If someone is upset about a commercial, yeah. We are getting too sensitive.
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u/patmulligans 3h ago
If my wife or I ask my 2 year old for a hug or kiss, and she says no, we respect it. If she doesn’t want to, then we should not make her.
This is a good PSA, if you find it controversial then you are probably the problem.
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u/matt314159 3h ago
Not controversial. I can't stand the "I'm a hugger" people like it doesn't matter what I as the recipient prefer.
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u/Sidewalk_Tomato 2h ago
"I'm a hugger" is so fitting a statement; it's all about them & who they are. Their identity apparently trumps yours, even if you're Captain NotaHuginSight.
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u/wholovesoreos 3h ago
Straight up! It's super weird to see so many people get huffy over not having access to your body or personal space. If it's not a big deal to hug someone, then it's not a big deal to not be hugged. What's wrong with a handshake, y'all?
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u/Digital__Illusi0nz 3h ago
"What's wrong with a handshake" well, ppl see it as a powerplay and as some kind of way to judge persons character by how tight, or loose it is. Just say hello and that's good enough.
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u/VeryBerryBluu 2h ago
For real! I am absolutely a hugger, whether we met last week or I haven’t seen you in 20 years. But that’s my half: people know I’m a hugger, so if they are huggers, too, we hug! If they are hand shake/fist bumpers, we match the common denominator and fist bump. If they don’t like physical touch, a wave and smile with words of affirmation are on tap.
It really is that simple, y’all.
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u/gordonlordbyron 1h ago
I don't have an issue with this, I would also like public adverts telling people to stop speaking on speakerphone in public places and buses, there's actually alot more things that need to be highlighted.
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u/AS-AB 3h ago
The whole point of a greeting is to establish a good initial impression and rapport between eachother.
If you're gonna force what you want on the other person without consideration for how comfortable they may be with what you're doing, then you might not be treating them how you'd actually want, given further thought about the consequences of your actions and how theyll develop the relationship.
Grace goes both ways. Some people literally just don't consider others' boundaries, and should be politely reminded. The issue really is when there's either no communication/consideration, or when there is it turns into deflection because somebody cant handle being told what they did wasn't perfectly fine.
We can all learn from eachother, and consistently intending to make eachother happy and comfortable around eachother is all we really need to do in these situations. Whether you do something that is received well or is received poorly, you can learn from it to do better next time without necessarily having to feel like a scumbag.
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u/Extra-Internal-5057 2h ago
A big hug & a kiss on meeting should be a mutually enjoyable thing. The point of the advert, the context that everyone is mad about “they’re family” - exactly. They should know, then, that she doesn’t like it. It’s weird to keep forcing physical contact onto someone if they don’t like it. There are so many ways in this world to greet someone, but a great way to show love to another is to respect their feelings.
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u/aminervia 2h ago
Boomers seem to think it's hilarious when you don't want to be touched and single you out for even more grabbing because of it. I'm touch averse autistic and its an ongoing joke
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u/Other_tomato_4257 3h ago
My bodily ick changes. Sometimes I want a hug. Sometimes I want a fist bump. Overall I just want to be comfortable when my own body is making me uncomfortable. No offense, but why would you want a hug from someone who didnt want to give it.
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u/Megasus 1h ago
As somebody who HATES hugs from anyone but my fiancee, they make a decent point. But I personally have never felt like, actually violated by or endangered one.
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u/uselesslebanon 1h ago
Reminder that a great percentage of child sexual assault is done by relatives.
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u/pichael289 2h ago
Controversial my fuckin nuts, put this on every TV channel and streaming service in the US and play it every ad break on YouTube. No one wants to hug people they just do it because they feel like they should.
And maybe also a PSA about all the aunts that know you don't like hugs and is going to do it anyway but has to give a "I know you don't like hugs so heres some emotional manipulation to make it worse" like we tolerate it from family and you know that.
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u/rhiddian 2h ago edited 1h ago
100% disagree with this ad.
However- let me explain.
I disagree with the subject choice NOT the message. Consent is VERY important. But so is context. Telling a whole.countries wirth of kids they dont have to hug grandma is stupid.
Kids don't automatically understand social obligations and we c9nstantly teach children to do things they don't want to do.
Say thank you. Shake someone's hand. Apologise when you've hurt someone.
If Grandma has travelled three hours to visit and her grandkids refuse to acknowledge her because theyre too busy playing Minecraft, a parent is perfectly justified in expecting them to make an effort.
Why should physical affection automatically be exempt from this lesson?
And a child might not feel like hugging Grandma, but teaching them to consider Grandma's feelings isn't necessarily teaching them that their body belongs to somebody else.
And... How far do we take it? Shit like this risks turning regular family bonding interactions into something clinical.
Like... Do I have to ask permission to tickle my daughter? To put an arm around her? Does she have to ask before she climbs onto grandmas lap? Before she hugs her mother?
This ad is stupid. Not because we shouldnt teach bodily autonomy or consent. But because it targets a fairly small group of people thay feel enough discomfort to want to.say no to a hug from grandma. Maybe this should been an autism ad.
But there are waaaay more pertinent examples to use to teach kids bodily empowerment.
Edit:
Let me explain how I deal with this with my daughter.
All real scenarios with Grandma.
"Go hug grandma"
"I dont want to"
"Why not?"
"Im shy"
"Ok. That's ok. Maybe you can give her a hug later."
"Go hug grandma"
"I dont want to"
As she is staring at bluey on the tv.
"Oi. Dont be rude."
She goes and hugs grandma.
Grandma goes in for a hug and she shies away.
"Whats going on kiddo?"
She starts crying.
"I dont want grandma to go home."
"I know. Me neither. Thats why you should give her a hug. So she knows how much you will miss her."
She runs in for a hug from grandma.
The world isnt black and white.
You can navigate it without always needing to make it clinical. If I just let her not hug grandma because she didnt want to... there would be multiple opportunities for lessons lost here.
1. Bodily autonomy - you dont hug her if you dont feel comfortable.
2. Dont be rude. Stop what you are doing to properly greet loved ones.
3. Its ok to be sad. And hugging grandma shows her how much you care.
Also, I teach my daughter bodily autonomy. If she doesnt want to hug grandma, she doesnt have to. But I am teaching HER to say no. Teaching her to advocate for herself.
Not to passively wait for / expect others to ask for permission.
Because the situations where I want her to be able to standup for herself... Are situations where others would probably ignore her boundaries... Not grandma wanting a hug at christmas. Ffs.
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u/Unreal_Daltonic 2h ago
People lost the plot, they really don't get that asking for consent for something like a kiss is not the same as a handshake.
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u/cjacksen 3h ago
Awesome. Bodily autonomy is a human right, no matter your age. Children especially need that reinforced.
Good on you, Ireland!
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u/Ok_Initiative_5024 3h ago
Had to put my foot down with my mother. She's fucking overbearing with this shit to me and my kids, of course in typical boomer fashion she couldnt grasp having personal space.
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u/Connection_Downtown 2h ago
God, I wish I saw thin on TV as a kid, maybe it would've helped me understand that it's okay to not want to be hugged aha.
Looking back, kinda gross how much these things are normalised, good to see there are folks out there pushing the overton window a bit!
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u/Bladder-Splatter 2h ago
I think the implied kiss is a little more terrifying there than the narration leading with hugs no?
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u/thilasveniticus 1h ago
Idk why this is controversial children have the right to bodily autonomy. My sons don’t have to hug anyone if they don’t want. Even me and mom lol.
They’re people not objects.
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u/Throwaway05464 1h ago
I have a good friend who's a woman in her mid 40s. I like to hug my friends and would hug her when I would leave after hanging out, but one day she mentioned how she doesn't like to be hugged or touched. I encouraged her to tell people that and not let her own comfort suffer because she wants to be polite. Now when I see her or say good by, I give her a deep bow of respect instead. I love it!
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u/Left_Log_6249 3h ago
I actually disagree that it undermines it.
This example shows that the person does not want/isn’t comfortable with that level of intimacy.
There are definitely worst violations of consent but this is a good way to show kids what withdrawal of consent looks like and it also show that consent isn’t just about sexual acts.
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u/Molkwi 3h ago
Consent exists for more things than just sex and I wish more people understood that.
If you're in a situation where you need to give permission to someone for something, that's a situation where consent applies. Consent = permission. If you'd rather NOT give permission, say "no" and make it clear that you aren't consenting. If they insist, explain to them that they're trying to force you to consent to something. If they reply that you're exaggerating, kindly tell them to fuck off and limit contact until they grow a frontal lobe.
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u/ranchspidey 2h ago
When one of the littles in my family doesn’t want a hug, I ask if they’ll do a fist bump/high five instead, and if that’s a no then we settle on a wave. It’s really not hard to respect people’s boundaries, especially kids who should know they have bodily autonomy. Some people don’t like physical touch and that’s okay.
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u/lowbatteries 2h ago
People understand consent with my big old dog. Does she want a hug? Yes, she does. Do they check, double check, and work there way up to a hug based on body language? Of course.
Solution: kids need bigger teeth.
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u/EatinSumGrapes 2h ago
I think it's good you still do some kind of greeting, kids still need to learn to be kind/polite to others and greetings are part of that
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u/Allaplgy 1h ago
Lol, just came from a thread where people were talking about how much they hate when people (specifically millennials) call kids "littles", to this one.
I don't really care, call things whatever you want (outside, you know bigotry), but it was just kinda funny. Never really thought about it before.
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u/Pristine_Balance3510 2h ago
As a kid I hated being forced to hug/be physically touched by people. It felt so intrusive. It was “hard” for my family to understand and even harder for them to respect.
At 40, I still feel the same. A few years back I was at a bookstore with my mom and she found a book called “Don’t Hug Doug” teaching that consent is important and it’s okay not to want people touching you (and likewise it’s okay for them to enforce those boundaries, even as a child). We both cried in the aisle and had a really good chat about how people are finally understanding bodily autonomy.
These ads are a great step forward for that, and for teaching young women especially that who touches their bodies is their choice alone.
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u/_1457_ 1h ago
I love this because I think often times a kid's first brush with weighing social norms vs comfort is a kiss and hug from your grandparents. It's good for a kid to learn how to say no to trusted people like grandma and grandpa and have them and your parents back you up. Makes it so much easier to say no to the teacher, coach, bus driver, dude/chick at a party, etc. Makes it easier to tell someone when something isn't right.
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u/pennywhistlesmoonpie 1h ago
Dude I LOVE the kids in my life, and I always tell them, if they don’t want to give Auntie a hug, that’s always okay and it will never, ever hurt my feelings. I’m really grateful the adults in my life didn’t make me feel obligated to be affectionate, and I do my part in passing that along.
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u/ComfortableGround403 2h ago
Its only controversial to the older and more conservative generations. The concept was off putting to even me at first.
I do not like getting hugs and kisses, but as a kid was told to, so I did. Never felt violated. So when I first heard this idea, even I thought it was doing too much. I mean, you should show love to your family.
But then I had a kid, and he doesnt like hugs either. So I never made him. No one in my family made him. He could simply fist bump and that was it. And now it makes sense to me.
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u/44yearoldkidbrother 2h ago
Reading all these comments make me feel like half this sub is just filled with the famous mod from anti work a couple years ago.
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u/NZ_Troll 3h ago
Curious what the redditors think of social conditioning in groups of social species.
There is a difference between a kid learning healthy social interactions, such as showing support and affections for loved ones, vs a predator using it as a door to abuse. The distinction is important.
Personally, I didn’t love every hug and kiss as a kid, but not every interaction was about me. I was a part of the group and the intentions were pure, so I don’t regret the acceptance in retrospect and I think it’s made me a healthier person to be around as an adult, even if I don’t act that way.
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u/receptionitis1 3h ago
I love this, but unfortunately here on Reddit most people don't have the wherewithal to be able to extrapolate this concept into bigger, more impactful circumstances. It's like trying to show the Mona Lisa to a room full of blind, angry idiots.
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u/Lungford 1h ago
Agreed. It's truly depressing.
No person or group owns the right to "pain" or "fear" or "trauma". These concepts are not a competition.
These "you're too sensitive" people probably didn't consent to their parents raising them to be an asshole, but here we are. But I guess I shouldn't feel sorry for them, because they didn't get raped.
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u/mrblonde91 2h ago
I'm in Ireland, we've had these ads going for ages. They're not controversial...
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u/xo_snowangel95 1h ago
i remember years ago when my niece and nephew were still really little. i very rarely ever saw them but they were pretty friendly and sweet and hyper as kids usually are. im not great with kids but we had fun "making youtube videos" until it got dark and i eventually had to leave. their mom was pushing for them to give me a hug but for some reason my niece really did not want to give me a hug. she didn't shut down or anything, just maybe a little shy because maybe even after the few hours we hung out, i was still kind of a stranger? anyway, i offered to give her a high five instead and she lit up at that. they both gave me a high five and it was fine. i wasnt offended. their mom was for some reason though. i'll never understand it.
i grew up with a mom who would pick my nose with long acrylic nails and would harshly pull me back towards her when i pulled away; she would touch my hair because it's really long and when i pulled away, again she would yank me back and remind me that she gave birth to me and she can touch me whenever she wanted. it never got any darker than that but ... it made me respect children's agency and boundaries a lot more because i knew what it felt like for my own mother not to.
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u/cuttoothom 1h ago
My mother used to pinch my ass to get a rise out of me, so often that I subconsciously tucked my bum in for years as a teenager whenever she was behind me.
It wasn't a sexual thing. It was a possessive and controlling thing when I was a depressed queer teen. When I told her I hated it she acted all hurt and offended. Then, a few years later she made a point of telling everyone she didn't like hugs. And everyone said "onay" and she seemed annoyed that no one raised a stink.
The behavior astounds.
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u/LemonCollee 3h ago
My three year old told me today her tummy was private and she didn't want me to rub it. I instantly took my hand away and told her sure, it's your body and if you don't want that's ok.
Why do people have such a hard time grasping the concept??
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u/HarveyDanao 2h ago
You are raising your child superbly, based only on that one interaction. They aren't going to be able to appreciate just how well they have been raised for decades. But boy will they.
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u/WingDairu 3h ago
This thread is full of people who really don't understand the point:
It's not telling you grandparent hugs are bad. It's telling you that ignoring other people's boundaries REGARDING THEIR OWN PHYSICAL BODY is bad.
This is especially important with kids, because it's important to teach kids that they're allowed to exercise bodily autonomy. If kids aren't taught that, it becomes far easier for someone to take advantage of them being trained to allow touching they don't want because they feel like they have to.