r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/ArcherVisible5866 • 4h ago

Video New controversial Ad in Ireland about consent

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4.9k

u/mostly_lurking 4h ago

If you think this is controversial you might have a boundary problem.

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u/Early_Particular9170 4h ago edited 2h ago

Agreed. I was a kid whose consent got ignored for things like hugs and kisses. At multiple points, my mom physically forced a kiss on me after I had verbally told her no. It feels awful to have your boundaries ignored when it comes to your own body, and it’s a dangerous lesson to teach a child.

She once gave a stranger consent to take a photo of me before I could give an answer. I had been an adult for years at that point. Some parents genuinely think their children are extensions of themselves rather than an autonomous human being with agency.

ETA: My mother was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive throughout my childhood in ways that caused (professionally diagnosed) PTSD. That kind of thing changes how a person views affection from a parent.

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u/Xav_NZ 4h ago edited 3h ago

As a kid I was forced to kiss a deceased Aunt in her coffin at the funeral.

I have refused to attend any open coffin funerals since or attended only after the coffin was sealed.

Actual life long trauma right there.

Edit: thanks for all the kind words internet strangers.

PS Consent and boundaries should absolutely be a thing within a family and no one let alone kids should be forced into uncomfortable situations without asking them first.

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u/SherBear127 4h ago

My grandfather used to kiss me on the neck and I hated it, And told my mom it made me uncomfortable. She told me he is my grandfather and to basically just deal with it.
Later found out my grandfather was a pedo and my mother knew the whole time

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u/BingleFlip94 4h ago

Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry 😔

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u/tsukipon 3h ago

omg the same thing happened to me. And then when he passed, she was surprised that I didn't want to go to the funeral

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u/SherBear127 2h ago

I was there when my grandfather died, All I felt was relief

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u/tsukipon 55m ago

I hope you are in a better place now. So sorry you had to go through all that

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u/SherBear127 35m ago

Thanks, I’m ok now 💜

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u/Danimalscrossing 2h ago

This happened to me with my stepdad, same thing. Turns out he was a huge pedo.

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u/Plead_thy_fifth 4h ago

Thats fucked up.

But to be fair, you aren't missing anything. I refuse to see open caskets of anyone I know/loved because that turns into my final memory of them and every time I see them I just think of their fake looking dead body, instead of the great memories I had with them.

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u/chasing_the_wind 3h ago

Yeah I got pressured into seeing my dead twin brother at the morgue. I didn’t want to go but everyone was convinced I wouldn’t be able to accept he was dead without seeing it.

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u/NekoArtemis 3h ago

That's horrifying and insulting. I'm so sorry. 

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u/whineyinternetkid 4h ago

Omggg thats actually insanity. Im sorry you had to do that. Who would think is ok to do that

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u/Early_Particular9170 3h ago

That’s horrifying. I’m sorry you had to go through that

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u/Max-Phallus 4h ago

Well that's a bit different! Jesus. I am so sorry that happened.

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u/YdocT 3h ago

 Some parents genuinely think their children are extensions of themselves rather than an autonomous human being with agency. this just really helped me and I don't wanna forget. Thank you.

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u/Early_Particular9170 3h ago

I’m really glad you found something helpful in my comment and I wish you and any children you might have the best.

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u/HouseofFeathers 3h ago

My mom has told me on multiple occasions that parents own their children.

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u/NekoArtemis 3h ago

Hey I've heard that one too. That and variations on "I brought you into this world I can take you out." 

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u/Early_Particular9170 3h ago

Ditto! And everything I owned, whether a gift or something I bought for myself, belonged to them and they could take it away at any time.

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u/TimberVolk 3h ago

I've never understood why people were so insistent on forcing hugs or kisses from kids. At times I may offer a hug to my little cousins or my friends' kids if they're generally comfortable with it, but I always ask, I never step toward them when I do, and if they say 'no,' I make a point of going, "That's okay! You don't have to give hugs if you don't want."

It's such an easy way to define agency around physical contact in young kids and yet it's one of their most deprived boundaries.

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u/theDefaultbunny 3h ago

yes! I'm in my 40's and my mom still tries to force hugs and physical contact with me. The thing is, I really enjoy physical contact. What I don't enjoy is having it FORCED ION ME. And then when she does hug me, it's like when a person is drowning, and they cling to the person trying to save them and end up dragging them both down. I hate it.

My partner and I make sure our kids know that they never have to accept unwanted touch, or even comments.

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u/Early_Particular9170 3h ago

Exactly how I feel.

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u/This_Option_5250 3h ago

its only very recently that the world started to move away from the idea that kids are your property to do with as you please. Its still a struggle for a lot of people to get their heads around for various reasons. But we are thankfully moving in the right direction.

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u/Grays42 3h ago

Well, it doesn't help that with very few and difficult-to-enforce exceptions, the law basically treats minors as the property of their guardians. :\

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u/cam-san 3h ago

I'm actively working on it but I've had a lot of issues with accepting "no"s and boundaries of other people because mine were never respected growing up. Though sometimes now I swing the other way too hard and people get pissed at me for always asking for reassurance lol.

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u/sentence-interruptio 3h ago

it's like they want you to be dolls forever.

bad parents think of their children as dolls and they point to an old neighbor who talk to dolls and get creeped out.

bad parents: "why hate hug? you wanna end up like that creepy old lonely neighbor? i bet he kidnaps children who don't listen to their parents, and he turns them into dolls. he's a witch!"

2

u/TicciSpice 2h ago edited 2h ago

My mother did similar stuff and I still, after years of therapy, can’t handle being mentally/physically affectionate or intimate or any type of long term relationship, be it platonic or romantic.

This stuff does something to you, even when it doesn’t „appear that bad“ from the outside or their perspective

2

u/l_a_p304 1h ago

I had a parent who also explicitly ignored, and became angry about, my communicated desire to not be touched. Even 30+ years later, I still feel the same intense reaction when I think back about it. It was horrendous.

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u/tequila11- 38m ago

My mom had that exact same problem with everything mentioned here

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u/Ancient-Exam-4738 3h ago

My daughter hates photos of her being taken, been like this since she was about 3 or 4. So we have to ask if we can take a photo of her when out doing stuff and on vacation.

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u/Fragrant-Case-4780 3h ago

As someone who hates having their pictures taken... You are the best parent. Thank you so much for respecting her boundaries!!!

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u/abcdefghjiklmnopqr 3h ago

I never wanted photos of me and now that I'm older I regret that

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u/Fragrant-Case-4780 2h ago

I give people a boundary for pictures. You can take two pictures when I visit.

Unfortunately my parents like to push that boundary hardcore. Which is unfortunate because it triggers my anxiety and depression pretty bad.

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u/abcdefghjiklmnopqr 2h ago

That sucks :(

1

u/Fun-Proposal5391 29m ago

No, if they thought their children were extensions of themselves, then they would consider harming their children to be bad. They view children as a tool to use.

-8

u/TheOriginalMattMan 4h ago

Jesus, you make it sound like Charles Dickens wrote your childhood.

-44

u/bb_economy 4h ago

Are you insane? A fkin consent for a kiss from your own mother?

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u/FranciscoGarcia69 4h ago

Do you know what consent is?

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u/Isgortio 4h ago

I don't want my parents to kiss me without my consent. I think this advert may be targeted towards you.

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u/Early_Particular9170 4h ago

She was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive and I have actual, professionally diagnosed PTSD from growing up in her house. I have VERY valid reasons to feel repulsed by her affection.

-12

u/Gen8Master 3h ago

Bruh. The hugging is not really the fucking issue then is it? Its all the other abuse.

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u/Groovychick1978 4h ago

Yes? From literally anyone. What is so hard to understand? 

Do not force yourself on unwilling people, especially those you love, who love you.

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u/Marcus-Suridius 4h ago

You know everyone has the right to say no, dont you?

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u/lekkerUsername 4h ago

You support kissing children without their consent?

0

u/Specialist-Solid-987 1h ago

I'm blown away as well, there's a lot of fucked up people on reddit I guess. I didn't like it when my parents whooped my ass but I'm glad they did now, I was a bad kid and they taught me discipline lol

1

u/whineyinternetkid 3h ago

So you like kissing your mom??

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u/Pb4ugoyo 3h ago

While I agree with consent there are plenty of people who kiss their mom. Wtf kind of question is this?

-32

u/Alternative_Week_117 4h ago

Its reddit, non of these kids were loved apparently.

-32

u/Less-Ad-1327 4h ago

I can't imagine being so sensitive a kiss from your mom sets you off. Wild.

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u/Mediocre-Cobbler5744 4h ago

Your lack of imagination doesn't make you right.

-3

u/Less-Ad-1327 3h ago

There was nothing in the post I was commenting that indicated an abusive relationship (or the context of this video)

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u/panrestrial 2h ago

They've already covered the fact you're only capable of imagining what's been explicitly spelled out for you.

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u/Mediocre-Cobbler5744 1h ago

Touching someone against their will is abusive in and of itself. The relationship doesn't matter. I kiss my wife multiple times a day. That doesn't mean Im allowed to do it when she doesn't want me to. For any or no reason.

1

u/Less-Ad-1327 1h ago

Yeah I guess I mixed the comment and the video. The post I responded to said they explicitly said no and theyre mom kept trying. Which is no beauno. The video was more the grandparents just going in for a hug in a normal situation.

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u/JurassicParkCSR 3h ago

What's funny about idiots like you is that you think that your life is conducive to everyone's life. Since you lived a cookie cutter happy mom and dad life you think everyone did. To you every mom is your mom. I'm hoping you're young and that you learn that everyone's life is different.

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u/Early_Particular9170 4h ago

Would you want to be kissed by someone who told you that they were considering divorcing your dad and it was your fault?

-6

u/ncm0229 3h ago

Jesus Christ, you sound absolutely exhausting to be around. There’s something incredibly privileged about talking about affection from your own mother with this much contempt when plenty of people grow up desperately wishing their parents would show them any. That doesn’t make your boundaries irrelevant, but it might warrant a little fucking perspective.

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u/Early_Particular9170 3h ago

She was very physically abusive and my contempt stems from that, so before you go all in on “some fucking perspective” maybe try to utilize some empathy and think about what could cause that contempt in the first place.

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u/ncm0229 3h ago

Probably should’ve started with the abuse part to begin with.

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u/panrestrial 2h ago

Unsurprising someone balking about consent would demand others share unnecessary personal details about their abuse.

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u/Early_Particular9170 3h ago

I thought it could be easily inferred from the mention of using physical force to make a child accept a kiss they said no to. It appears I was mistaken.

-1

u/siraolo 3h ago edited 3h ago

That's why I never really allowed my kid to hug or kiss me. I am not comfortable with it since I was a kid because of past trauma  Sure she wants do it after watching hugging on Ms Rachel but nope, she might carry the same idea that it's ok to just show those signs of affection without asking for consent when she grows up. We are both comfortable with just a fist bump. 

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u/therealjchrist 3h ago

Grow up and give your Grandma a hug you rude, entitled, selfish, main character.

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u/Mizuek_Mizuek 3h ago

Found the creepy consent-ignoring grandpa

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u/actualkon 3h ago

Y'all are the kind of people who wonder why their kids don't talk to them anymore

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u/therealjchrist 1h ago

I'm very close with my family. You're the kind of person that only has friends on the internet where you can all be fake in your own little safe place.

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u/actualkon 51m ago

Actually I have lots of friends online and offline. And I'm close with my family. We just also respect each other's boundaries instead of calling people entitled and selfish for not wanting to be touched