r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/ArcherVisible5866 • 4h ago

Video New controversial Ad in Ireland about consent

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23

u/mrblonde91 3h ago

I'm in Ireland, we've had these ads going for ages. They're not controversial...

4

u/pplovr 3h ago

Yeah. This is the first time I'm hearing about this deeply controversial advertisement that is definitely a focal point of the Irish zeitgeist. I think it's only "controversial" and a topic of debate to the terminally online and the pointless-ass culture-war craic.

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u/knewleefe 3h ago

Thank you, I was wondering how this could be "controversial" given it's... not.

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u/CrackleBackle 3h ago

You don't think spending tax payer money on this is insane?

3

u/Dazzling-Handle88 3h ago

No the organisation has given a great overview of consent to young people and we have relatively stronger laws on consent that other jurisdictions

2

u/CrackleBackle 2h ago

Doing it in the form of a commercial is insane

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u/Team503 56m ago

Yeah, how dare society use forms of mass media to educate the populace! Gods, what a horrid thing!

/s, obviously

2

u/aplacecalledvertigo 3h ago

im in ireland, and yes, they are.

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u/Additional-Sock8980 3h ago

Yeah they are.

People need to cop on, don’t want any physical contact, hand up and say oh no thanks I don’t do that.

This bull about being responsible for others unarticulated feels is stupid. And it muddies the real water. Consent for actual sexual contact is very very different to someone saying hello when visiting your home.

2

u/Critical_Object2276 3h ago

So what’s the line? There is somewhere between sexual contact with a stranger and hugging a relative. Where do you draw the line?

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u/cyne-wolf 1h ago

the no-no square is the socially accepted line for this.

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u/Critical_Object2276 1h ago

I don’t know what that is. Can you explain it to me?

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u/cyne-wolf 47m ago

I think they allegedly teach it to kids, but it's also present in work place sexual assault/harassment awareness things.

It's generally any part of the body covered by a one-piece swimsuit (male or female). So chest, genitals of course, but also stomach, lower back, upper thigh. Intentional touch there is sexual assault. But touching someone's arm wouldn't be.

So in the context of something like a hug, you could hug someone like a co-worker and assume that touching them with your hands on the upper arm or something as part of the hug is implicitly okay unless told otherwise, but you can't press your body into them.

The no-no square rule of thumb also never applies if you touch them outside the no-no square but derive sexual gratification, so Touchy Tina in the cubicle over there isn't allowed to squeeze your shoulder half a second longer than normal either.

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u/Additional-Sock8980 2h ago

The line is reasonable behaviour and some reasonable effort to say no.

There has to be a line. I once met someone who reported someone because she felt the person was having thoughts she didn’t like. No sexual or touch thoughts, just thought she didn’t like. The person wasn’t having those thoughts.

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u/Critical_Object2276 2h ago

That would suggest that some sexual contact is ok if the other person doesn’t say no.

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u/cyne-wolf 1h ago

the statement, taken literally, is completely true. Some sexual contact is okay if the other person doesn't say no. The vast majority of sexual contact is not done with explicit consent, in fact. You are allowed, and expected, to kiss your spouse without asking every time.

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u/Critical_Object2276 1h ago

Which brings me back to my original question.

So what’s the line? There is somewhere between sexual contact with a stranger and hugging a relative. Where do you draw the line?

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u/Additional-Sock8980 1h ago

Obviously not.

However I don’t see a world where it becomes “hello, do I have consent to offer you a handshake.”

“ I do consent to your offer, do you consent to me making the first move and putting my hand out for a handshake? “

“I do consent to that and now I will also respond in kind. Do you now consent to our hands touching to preform a handshake?”

Fundamentally people need to learn to read body language in schools and to become comfortable putting boundaries in place. In that ad,hand up and say oh no I don’t do physical contact, but it’s good to see you; is absolutely fine. I’m fed up of the nice couple being made out to be predators in this ad, when the internet adds its views in.

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u/Critical_Object2276 1h ago

Who’s making them out to be predators?

1

u/Team503 54m ago

Oh you can just offer your hand, and if someone says "Sorry, I'm uncomfortable with handshakes" you just accept it and don't take offense.

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u/cyne-wolf 30m ago

Yes, but now you're reading body signals. How do you know that the other person offering their hand wants to be touched without explicit communication?

In other words, you're back to "Hello, do I have consent to shake your hand."

There is in fact a world where you can read body language and assume consent for physical touch, and also stop if they say no. That's how normal people interact.

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u/Team503 55m ago

There is a line. The line is "Don't touch people who don't want to be touched." Being related to them or them being a child doesn't change a thing.