r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/ArcherVisible5866 • 4h ago

Video New controversial Ad in Ireland about consent

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943

u/It_was_mee_all_along 4h ago

I think people are getting, maybe, too sensitive?

240

u/BLYNDLUCK 4h ago

Ok this is absolutely an honest question. Are you referring to the people who think those add is a good thing or the people who don’t think it’s a good thing?

289

u/Accomplished-City484 4h ago

The ambiguity makes it a great comment, because they have both camps agreeing

64

u/SaleAggressive9202 3h ago

i play both sides so i always come out on top

3

u/cromulentenigmas1 3h ago

Unexpected IASIP

2

u/Hard-Pore-Corn 3h ago

Judging from recent experiences, i can surely say that appeasement works guys!

3

u/BitcoinMD 1h ago

I think we can all agree that we know which side the commenter is really on 😉

77

u/Tsu_Dho_Namh 3h ago

They said people are getting too sensitive. Implying people weren't too sensitive before.

Since hugs from grandparents didn't need consent before, it stands to reason they're referring to the people who think this ad is a good thing.

20

u/HyperlexicEpiphany 3h ago

Media literacy and context clues be like

16

u/thisdesignup 2h ago

They needed consent before too, they just didn't ask.

There's plenty of jokes in media about unwanted attention from grandparents kissing on their grandkids, pinching their cheeks, hugging them, etc.

The whole reason consent is a topic now is because people didn't like it before.

3

u/secretaccount94 1h ago

They mean society didn’t expect consent from kids before.

3

u/lana_silver 1h ago

pinching their cheeks

That's such an interesting example, by the way. It's a thing that's generally not done any more, because everybody hated it, and now we are more conscious.

Just like we're more conscious of mental health in general, and we get therapy instead of committing suicide, and so on. In my father's age range the number of suicides is crazy high. I know of like 4 guys who killed themselves (born in the 40s to 60s), and I know only of one person who killed herself who was born after 1980 (my own age range). Turns out that not mistreating everybody all day long has positive effects on mental health.

-4

u/Tsu_Dho_Namh 2h ago

Oh I know they didn't like it, they're kids. They don't know any better. Kids don't like going to school, cleaning their room, or going to bed either, plenty of jokes in media about those too. But they still have to do it anyways because until they grow up they have to be forced to act like an adult.

5

u/BLYNDLUCK 3h ago

You don’t think people getting their panties in a twist about an ad are being a little sensitive?

8

u/HyperlexicEpiphany 3h ago

It’s not an ad, it’s a PSA

/s but only a little bit. nothing is being sold

0

u/Tsu_Dho_Namh 3h ago

Are their panties in a twist? Asking if people are getting "maybe, too sensitive" seems a relevant and pertinent question.

If the question offends you, then I guess the answer's right there.

3

u/BLYNDLUCK 2h ago

I wasn’t offended at all. I wasn’t disparaging the question either. I was literally asking which party they were directing their “too sensitive” comment towards. Because depending who you ask, everyone is a snowflake.

3

u/MoopLoom 2h ago

Those who say "if that offends you" when no one around then was showing any sign of offense, are in fact, too sensitive.

2

u/coffee_nights 1h ago

I think both sides are psychos. Its very obvious consent is important but also theres ppl in here projecting their trauma onto other ppl. Either way imo this ad is incredibly stupid. They could've talked about consent but instead made the POV of the grandparents like they were monsters lol.

-16

u/TheMadManiac 4h ago

Very obviously the pro ad people. This is ridiculous.

7

u/JurassicParkCSR 3h ago

Please don't touch people against their will.

0

u/ncm0229 3h ago

Random people, sure, even people you know, especially if it’s been established that hugs or a pat on the back is a no-go is understandable.

But my kids are getting hugs every time I see them.

1

u/lowbatteries 3h ago

... which maybe isn't going to be very often once they turn 18, with that attitude.

2

u/ncm0229 3h ago

Funny to assume I don’t already have children over 18 who hug me every time I see them.

-3

u/TheMadManiac 3h ago

Please go away

8

u/king_hutton 3h ago

Is that what people say to you before you touch them without consent?

-3

u/TheMadManiac 3h ago

Victimize yourself a little harder.

6

u/king_hutton 3h ago

Go cry about consent with Brock Turner

1

u/InfiniteLuxGiven 3h ago

You’ve now compared giving a hug with rape mate, what a disgusting comparison to make.

1

u/BLYNDLUCK 3h ago

You don’t think the people offended by the add maybe a little too sensitive?

-21

u/Flewizzle 4h ago

the sensitive people are the ones who dont want a hug from their family

11

u/JurassicParkCSR 3h ago

Please don't touch people against their will.

2

u/Acceptable-Post733 3h ago

Okay. But what if I don’t understand consent? Is there maybe a commercial that could maybe inform me of the appropriate way to act in this situation?

-1

u/Flewizzle 3h ago

Careful, if you watch the ad too many times you might accidentally forget how to act like a normal human being altogether.

-1

u/Flewizzle 3h ago

Equating a standard hug from a grandparent to some kind of sinister violation is a massive reach. Context exists. If we are at the point where we are using the language of assault to describe a grandmother greeting her grandchild, we have completely lost the plot on what normal family affection looks like.

8

u/lowbatteries 3h ago

Nobody is saying arrest these old folks for attempting to give a hug. You can teach people to be polite without saying arrest everyone who isn't polite.

1

u/Flewizzle 3h ago

Literally nobody actually thinks swat teams are coming for granny lol. The point is the government is spending time and money running national ad campaigns that pathologize normal family affection. Treating a loving hug from a grandparent like some kind of HR violation that needs a verbal contract is completely out of touch with reality.

6

u/FlyOne6324 3h ago

ad campaigns that pathologize normal family affection

It doesn't seem to pathologize normal family affection at all, though. If it did, it wouldn't have shown that first kid immediately throwing himself at them gleefully.

It's simply about some people not wanting to be touched and other people who ought to respect that.

1

u/Flewizzle 3h ago

Lol the fact that they feel the need to run a national campaign to lecture grandparents on getting verbal consent from their own grandkids is the definition of pathologizing it. They are taking a totally normal family dynamic (a kid being grumpy and a grandparent wanting a hug) and turning it into a clinical HR safety lesson. its deranged.

3

u/FlyOne6324 3h ago

(a kid being grumpy and a grandparent wanting a hug)

Except that's a huge assumption.

I don't know if I'm projecting, man, I'm very affectionate myself but I often struggle with physical contact from men even if they're family due to a past SA.

Not most of the cases out there? For sure, thankfully. But also, it's nice that you can just politely step out of it and deny kisses or hugs without having to explain yourself.

→ More replies

3

u/HedonismBot90 3h ago

Is that not the point of the ad lad? That its not assault, its a conversation and it can be awkward but important. I think you might be taking things too far in response to other people taking the point too far. As for the other part, it isint an assault thing, it just might facilitate assault later in life.

2

u/Flewizzle 3h ago

Yeah exactly but that logic assumes a child cant tell the difference between a loving relative and a genuine threat. treating your grandmother with the same clinical boundary-setting as a stranger doesnt make kids safer it just makes them disconnected. we shouldn't have to raise kids in a hyper sterile bubble where every hug needs a verbal contract just because it might facilitate something decades down the line. its preposterous.

1

u/HedonismBot90 2h ago

Nah I think youre taking the thought process too far, its not about at that moment. People can be uncomfortable but they might still do it, this ad is for grandparents and relatives to take on board, that a conversation is always a goid thing to have. At worst I think the point being made by some above is that people might become numb to the idea that being touched when youre uncomfortable has be gotten over that it can lead to unwelcome sexual boundaries being crossed with a partner in later life.

1

u/Maurirz 3h ago

Agree

0

u/m007368 2h ago

Kalshi bets are live! Team Hug or Team Nope!

-3

u/Max-Phallus 3h ago

What do you think?

-3

u/BLYNDLUCK 3h ago

Both sides are absolutely too sensitive. You don’t need an ad campaign about not hugging grandma, and if you don’t like the ad you don’t need to clutch your pearls over it.

1

u/Max-Phallus 3h ago

Yeah I agree

147

u/bitchimgandalf 4h ago

Or it turns out that telling children all strangers are dangerous but you must always hug everyone in the family including tolerating unwanted physical touch from distant relatives you never see sends mixed signals to children about when it's okay to speak up about discomfort.

25

u/Goobersita 3h ago

This should be the top comment. Schools are now teaching things like this in early learning. Lets hope we can prevent at least some percentage of child abuse. Especially considering most is conducted by family members.

0

u/magefanatic 3h ago

Those two scenarios should, for a normal person/child, be extremely easy to distinguish.

Firstly unwanted physical touch could be a lot of things, from really mundane to very inappropriate. But the sort of physical contact you are expected to engage in with family, even distant, is most likely a handshake, a hug, or maybe a kiss on the cheek. With those things happening, typically, in social meetings with a lot of other family around.

To compare that type of scenario to what children are warned against concerning strangers is absolutely unreasonable. The typical child shouldn't have difficulties distinguishing the two, and for you to equate them is kinda strange.

8

u/sweetwinged 2h ago

Ehh a lot of children get molested by family or family friends. Most missing kids are trafficked by someone they know. Not saying grandma or grandpa is doing it but I think it’s fair to teach children that they don’t have to be okay with unwanted physical touch just because the person is ‘family’

4

u/MoopLoom 2h ago

So according to you:

Children too young to understand social situations are never molested, and:

Children are always able to tell the difference between appropriate ("I'm not allowed to say no to this") and inappropriate ("I'm allowed to say no to this") touch, and:

Children are never molested by family members.

Please don't have kids, or ever be responsible for kids.

2

u/Just3nCas3 42m ago

Only 10% are abused by strangers. I think family is half? And close family friends is like forty, might have that reversed.

2

u/notnatasharostova 1h ago

How can you expect a child to enforce their boundaries in a high-stakes, dangerous situation when you've repeatedly taught them that they're not able to do so for much smaller offenses? The vast majority of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the victim knows and loves, who they've likely been expected to give hugs and kisses to in the past, and to whom it can be extremely daunting for a child to say "no".

26

u/unwarrend 3h ago

The culture around consent and personal space is changing, and likely for the better. Promoting children to exercise boundaries within ostensibly 'safe' environments gives them the confidence and muscle memory to ward off potential bad actors (in theory). I am also a product of my time, and the notion of choosing not to reciprocate a hug to family was never a consideration. I never felt uncomfortable. I would also probably have tolerated abuse had I not been privileged enough to never encounter it.

TLDR: My gut says we are becoming overly sensitive towards certain previously normative behaviour. My brain acknowledges this cultural shift as being generally positive, even though it feels counterintuitive.

4

u/notnatasharostova 2h ago

In our culture it is so normalized to performatively crusade against pedophiles by calling for the death penalty or threatening physical violence against sexual abusers. Yet meaningfully advocating for children's bodily autonomy, which is the single most effective thing you can do to protect them from abuse, is ridiculed.

2

u/EddokunLoL 45m ago

I think it's a question of whether this promotes healthy boundaries around consent or whether it promotes unhealthy social behaviors.

I'll be honest, people that I've interacted with, purely in a verbal sense, who champion changes like this tend to be socially inept. Socializing is a practiced skill and a lot of people just don't practice it anymore because they are told they don't need to, that being uncomfortable is unacceptable and they shouldn't be uncomfortable ever, and if they are then someone else is at fault.

I'm not saying we shouldn't do a better job at teaching boundaries, especially around consent, just that the champions of this tend to go overboard in a negative direction.

6

u/negroidioto 3h ago

I love my maymo & granda, however, I don’t want their hot breath and smell of cigarettes & stale coffee kisses on my cheek; nor the smell of Deep Heat on my clothes. I am good with a, ‘let me get a look at you. look how tall you’ve gotten’ when either of us visits the other. I don’t care to have any of family impose physical attention onto me.

31

u/Living_Karma11 3h ago

Nah consent always matters. As a child that was forced to give hugs and accept affection from
Family members when I didn’t feel comfortable/didn’t want it, it’s absolutely important.

People are just starting to take it seriously.

113

u/FiercelyApatheticLad 4h ago

Maybe people are allowed to be sensitive about their personal space.

-26

u/Less-Ad-1327 4h ago

O you can be sensitive about giving a hello hug to your grandparents, but people are allowed to think you're a giant weirdo for it.

28

u/wholovesoreos 4h ago

I mean yeah that's whatever to most people. Anyone will have an opinion on anything. It's only annoying when said grandparents actually complain about it. Complaining you don't get access to someone's body is more inappropriate than someone declining to hug you in favor of another acceptable greeting.

3

u/theatermouse 3h ago

Yep. Also, if they just move on from the greeting and lack of hug, they can move into conversation and actually getting to KNOW their grandchild which is more important than a hug anyway!

2

u/Iorith 3h ago

If someone expects me to give up my comfort of personal boundaries, they aren't worthy of a hug in the first place.

0

u/Less-Ad-1327 3h ago

Giving your grandparents a hello hug (** ASSUMING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP**) is giving up your personal boundries?

2

u/Iorith 3h ago

It is if you don't want to be hugged, yes.

2

u/Less-Ad-1327 2h ago

so you want everyone to ask you for explicit consent before being hugged anytime?

5

u/Iorith 2h ago

I mean, yes? That's how consent works.

2

u/Less-Ad-1327 2h ago

okay then.

7

u/Civil_Emergency_573 3h ago

O you can be sensitive about giving a hello hug to your grandparents, but people are allowed to think you're a giant weirdo for it.

You just perfectly described how people get coerced and solicited into unwanted physicality. Thank you!

-4

u/Less-Ad-1327 3h ago

Yeah I can see what you're saying. I think it's a bit of a leap from your grandparents coming over and trying to give you a hello hug, which is what this ad is showing (**ASSUMING IT'S A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP**)

9

u/Civil_Emergency_573 3h ago

As a child, when you're expected to comply and return physicality to all your family members no matter how distant, it becomes increasingly more difficult to turn down an adult stranger, especially if they know how to leverage that embarrassment.

2

u/MoopLoom 2h ago

Can we, in the year 20 motherfucking 26, stop spreading the misinformation that predators are always or even usually strangers?

0

u/Less-Ad-1327 2h ago

I mean that's a wild leap from your grandparents to a random stranger.

2

u/MoopLoom 2h ago

Kids are most likely to be assaulted by people who aren't strangers.

9

u/StarFlareDragon 3h ago

My first memory of my grandmother was her hitting me, stealing my comics, that I couldn't even read yet and giving them to my cousin who wanted them. Fuck grandma, tell her to keep her hands and lips the fuck off.

0

u/Less-Ad-1327 2h ago

Yeah that's not good. Sorry to hear that.

I was referring to a seemingly healthy relationship, which is what this ad indicates.

5

u/average-eridian 3h ago

Maybe y'all are too sensitive for expecting a hug so bad that you can't fathom being told no, whether you're young or you're a grandparent. You're allowed to think kids shouldn't be able to tell you no, but people are allowed to think you're a giant weirdo for it. Or maybe your need to touch kids without their consent isn't even about hugs, it's pretty common this attitude comes a different place entirely.

2

u/Lungford 3h ago

You're allowed think somebody is a giant weird for it, but that doesn't mean you're not being insensitive and judgmental.

-6

u/666_________________ 4h ago

That’s how I feel about. Sure, you are allow to feel and act however you like, and people are allowed to think whatever they want about you.

2

u/Fzrit 3h ago

I can see that being used as a reason to just never shake hands with anyone even when they offer. Personal space!

13

u/klockee 3h ago

Considering we just came out of a global pandemic (arguably we're still in it), I'm not sure why you're putting this out as unreasonable

4

u/Prettyflyforafly91 2h ago

1! Personal space. 2! Personal space. 3! Stay out of my personal space.

37

u/mythrowawaylolol 3h ago

"You're too sensitive" is something victims of narcissistic abuse hear frequently. It's part of the gaslighting that is part of the normalisation of the abuse. Children are particularly susceptible to it. How sensitive somebody is is entirely their business.

-2

u/Statboy1 3h ago

Being too sensitive is also a very valid criticism of a character flaw that makes people attribute malevolence to others actions that is simply not there.

6

u/bowling_ball_ 3h ago

And who gets to decide this imaginary threshold for sensitivity?

Hint: not you

38

u/Acceptable-Post733 4h ago

If someone is upset about a commercial, yeah. We are getting too sensitive.

-19

u/SaleAggressive9202 3h ago

i sure love having my taxes being used to tell my my grandma giving my cheek kiss is rape

15

u/scyrius 3h ago

You do realize the point is to bring up the concept of consent on a relatively safe topic, early on so that people can understand the concept later, right?

-10

u/SaleAggressive9202 3h ago

now that i think about it, who is this ad even aimed at? it's not to teach children they are allowed to refuse hugs and i doubt perverts would be moved by watching it.

15

u/MrPhraust 4h ago

You can also look at it like this: when i was 6 i was burned across my entire back, my arms, legs, etc by a gallon of boiling grease falling on me. Ever since then touching me anywhere if im not aware im about to be touched is enough to make me almost vomit from the sensation.

5

u/James-the-Bond-one 3h ago

There are desensitization procedures for that. A car ran over me when I was 6 (on my birthday, during the party), and I have scars to this day, but I ride and drive cars without issues.

3

u/MrPhraust 3h ago

I might have to look into that.

40

u/ApoY2k 4h ago

Yeah like throwing a hissy fit because someone doesn't want to be available for their convenience to be touched whenever they want. Grow up lol, your don't own other people

21

u/turkshead 3h ago

so you think adults should be able to touch children without asking?

in all serious, i'm asking here. if my kid doesn't want to be touched, am i supposed to teach them that they're required to allow adults to touch them anyway?

1

u/DennisxMartin 3h ago

Teach them the difference between types of touches and context.

This risks raising a generation of people who are afraid of any touch and never grew out of it.

9

u/Thick-Journalist-168 2h ago

Of course I can teach them but at the end of the day it is their right to give a hug or not.

-2

u/DennisxMartin 2h ago

Is it also their right to not eat vegetables?

3

u/-rosa-azul- 1h ago

You are comparing proper nutrition to entirely optional physical touch. Surely you're capable of understanding these are entirely different scenarios.

2

u/Current-Log8523 2h ago

Of course it is I'm sure some redditor will come online and say how their parent telling them to eat something is why they only eat ice cream and nuggets. To avoid that I let my 2 year old to choose what to eat. Sure they haven't had protein or veggies in years because they are gross but damn it Reddit told me two year olds know what they want. /S

13

u/BevvyTime 3h ago

A 2 year old is able to tell you if they want a hug.

It’s really not that deep to ask them

5

u/Icy_Agency923 2h ago

This is nonsense. Most are not going to have this issue at all, this is for the ones that do though and they should have absolute control over who gets to touch them or not regardless of relation. Sometimes it doesn't matter what the context is, people simply don't want to be touched. Why is that even an issue for you? You would prefer they be uncomfortable?

There is no shot that this leads to people who are going without touch entirely. For most people affection is not going to be a problem, but everyone is different though. It shouldn't even be something you feel the need to debate. Let people have bodily autonomy.

There is a comment right below this chain where someone was forced to take hugs by a bunch of adults when they didn't want them, and guess what? They still don't like being touched.

I think you should be worried in the opposite direction.

-3

u/FelixNZ Interested 3h ago

The outcome of the terminally online generation

-1

u/NahMcGrath 2h ago

"Being touched" sounds way more serious and icky than a simple greetings hug. You know how long a greetings hug lasts for? 2-3 seconds tops. It is incredibly strange that someone feels weird briefly hugging a family member.

5

u/Shnitzel_von_S 1h ago

You are objectively being touched. Another persons hands and body are touching yours. If you don't want to be touched, other people around you, especially family memebers that allegedly care a great deal about you, should not be touching you.

-15

u/It_was_mee_all_along 3h ago

I don't know, are you teaching your children only black and white?

8

u/theatermouse 3h ago

I think in this instance it is pretty black and white. DON'T TOUCH PEOPLE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT.

To extend you a courtesy your point doesn't deserve, obviously you also teach your children about grey areas, but honestly there aren't many. Someone having a heart attack and unresponsive not being able to or having to give consent to EMS personnel to save their life comes to mind. But beyond that, even doctors and hospitals are not allowed to treat patients without consent and people can refuse touch and care.

-3

u/AnduwinHS 3h ago edited 2h ago

The attitude of thinking of a close family member giving a hug to a loved one as "Touching people without their consent" absolutly screams of entitlement. Expecting people to forgo cultural norms so that you can avoid slight awkwardness is such a strange stance to take.

Life is full of things that are unpleasant or awkward or uncomfortable. Obviously there is serious things that nobody should have to deal with, but expecting everyone else to adjust to your worldview so you don't have to experience slight discomfort is just learned helplessness and entitlememt. Either it is a small issue that you can just put up with, or it's a big enough issue that you can tell someone you aren't comfortable with it. You shouldn't expect them to walk on eggshells around their loved ones.

And I'm even saying all this as someone who doesn't like being hugged by anyone other than my partner as it makes me feel awkward

2

u/KermitingMurder 2h ago

Expecting people to forgo cultural norms so that you can avoid slight awkwardness is such a strange stance to take.

Expecting people (especially children) to just get used to the fact that you should be expected to accommodate other people regardless of if it makes you uncomfortable is exactly how you get pushovers who never stand up for themselves and just let people walk all over them because they don't want to rock the boat. If you can't say no to a hug from a grandparent, you're probably not going to have the assertiveness to say no to someone who's actually abusing or coercing you. Particularly in Ireland there's this culture of just staying quiet and not rocking the boat, it's why we had the Magdalene laundries and had so many "pillars of the community" who were also pedos, nobody would stand up and call them out on it even when loads of people knew it was happening and knew it was wrong

2

u/vere-rah 2h ago

It's telling that you consider a grandparent receiving a rejection to a hug as having to walk on eggshells. Forcing a hug on someone isn't a worldview, it's a lack of respect. You don't like being hugged? You don't have to be hugged by anyone! Why put yourself through that?

2

u/AnduwinHS 2h ago

My comment says right there "Either It's a small issue that you just put up with, or it's a big enough issue that you can tell someone you aren't comfortable with it."

My point is that if it effects you, absolutely you should speak up and tell someone you aren't comfortable. But hugging is seen as a normal, harmless thing by the majority of the population, so it shouldn't be expected for everyone else to be wary of giving an unwanted hug.

My problem is making it seem like an unwanted hug is 'Touching without consent' if the person doesn't make it known that they don't want a hug. If someone says "Actually I'm not really comfortable with a hug" then obviously they shouldn't be hugged. But you need to actually speak up for yourself and not expect other people to adjust their behavior based on the fact that someone might be uncomfortable

1

u/xadventchildx 2h ago

If you touched the person, and they didn't say yes, then by what metric have you obtained consent to touch them? Pretty clearly, you haven't, and unspoken social expectations do not count as consent. So, if you didn't get consent, and you touched them anyway, whether they said anything or not, that is pretty expressly touching without consent by definition.

The majority of the population may view it as harmless, but that doesn't mean it's right. And as someone who loves hugs with every fiber of my being, if a person did not agree to my hug, then I don't proceed with giving it, because respecting physical boundaries is not more difficult than being set in my ways and refusing to adjust to a changing climate.

1

u/theatermouse 1h ago

The ad shows children (albeit tweens/teens). Children are still learning how to speak up for themselves, and that they CAN speak up for themselves. Isn't it better for a grandparent to say a quick "can I give you a hug?" rather than putting a child, who is at a disadvantage, in the position of having to say "no" to an authority figure without even a question to give them an opening?

2

u/AnduwinHS 2h ago

You are obviously misunderstanding my comment as I never said that receiving a rejection is having to walk on eggshells. I'm saying that unless someone specifically states they don't want a hug, the grandparents shouldn't be expected to avoid hugging them.

If someone says they don't want a hug, then absolutely they shouldn't be hugged. But it is up to the person to make it known they don't want a hug, it is not up to everyone else to be wary of hugging them

And yes I don't like being hugged, but it is a brief awkwardness that doesn't have any lasting impact. If it really affected me, I would tell people not to hug me. But I would rather just deal with the tiny amount of awkwardness than expect social norms to bend to what I consider acceptable

1

u/theatermouse 1h ago

unless someone specifically states they don't want a hug, the grandparents shouldn't be expected to avoid hugging them.

One big issue is that people often DO state that they are uncomfortable - with their body language. But huggers often either don't see it or willfully ignore it. ASKING first makes it a lot harder for someone to willfully misinterpret a "no".

Maybe social norms SHOULD change, if people (including yourself!!!!!!!!!) are being forced to forgo autonomy and boundaries for the sake of being "nice".

-3

u/AnduwinHS 3h ago

I don't think we should vilify family members for expressing their love in a completely normal way. I'm neurodivergent, I find hugging awkward and apart from my partner I don't really want to be hugged by anyone, but acting as if a grandparent giving their grandchildren a hug is 'touching them without consent' just exaggerates a problem that really isn't a big deal.

I can both not want to be hugged and have the common sense to understand that the other person sees it as a normal thing and might not understand that it makes me feel awkward

3

u/Shnitzel_von_S 1h ago
  • child does not give consent to be hugged -child gets hugged anyway

Sounds to be like being touched without consent

3

u/turkshead 1h ago

"I've had to learn to deal with this discomfort because authority figures told me I had to, so so should the next generation."

Wouldn't it be great if we actually adjusted our social norms so that people didn't have to learn to deal with their boundaries being constantly violated?

0

u/MessageSelfdestructs 25m ago

The grandmother should get a hug from her grandchild, even if briefly.

You guys are way too comfortable raising people who will be completely fucked up...

And all of you who say that grandma's hug is a roadway towards sexual abuse are fucking weird...

Then again, I do need to remind myself this is Reddit, so that works out...

36

u/Mesheybabes 4h ago

hey come on you can't say that, you don't want to upset anyone

36

u/SeanConnery 4h ago

Easy there buddy, be a little empathetic to the grown adults who don't want a hug from their grandma.

2

u/Icy_Agency923 2h ago

I feel like anyone should be encouraged to set boundaries on being touched or not no matter who it is. You would prefer people just be made physically uncomfortable as they are forced to be touched when they do not want to be? If so... yikes.

2

u/Candidate_Worldly 1h ago

TF I grew up in the 80's & 90's. Things are really weird now. Everyone is so puritanical, and offended.

2

u/dpet_77 3h ago

So we shouldn't listen to people saying no if we perceive them as being "too sensitive"?

-3

u/Molkwi 4h ago

No? Consent is an important thing no matter the context. I, for one, hate physical contact that I don't explicitly request or seek. Being patted on the back out of nowhere, as insignificant as it may be to you, is a massive breach of my personal space and my consent.

It's not about being sensitive, it's about respect. Don't force people into things they don't want. Don't assume they want something, either.

5

u/the_maddest_moose 3h ago

You can learn a lot by how someone greets you, including family. Use it to your advantage

2

u/Analdestroyer68plus1 3h ago

All about social cues at the end of the day. Time and place for everything.

9

u/OGTalle 3h ago

"I don't consent to being patted on the back actually☝️🤓"

5

u/Dry_Ad2368 3h ago

Don't touch people without their permission. It's not a hard rule to follow.

0

u/Civil_Emergency_573 3h ago

Feeling entitled to touching other people makes you look so tough and mature.

-3

u/Molkwi 3h ago

Great point, absolutely destroyed my argument, there. Do you have any more pearls of wisdom for us? Either refute what I said or don't bother with playground insults, you're humiliating yourself more than anyone else, here.

2

u/OGTalle 3h ago

I really couldn't care less dude 😂😂😂

Edit: I don't consent to your reply btw

0

u/DolphinBall 3h ago

Yes you did bud. You are on a public forum. Including yourself into the conversation is consent to be responded to.

-1

u/AlphonseLoeher 3h ago

Wow victim blaming much?

-1

u/OGTalle 3h ago

Thank you!!! My anxiety is going crazy

0

u/average-eridian 3h ago

Your attempt at a silly gotcha in a public forum is implied consent. Zing

0

u/AlphonseLoeher 3h ago

Teaching kids that getting pat on your back is a violation is too far. We arent all autistic and that's not a good way for society to function.

0

u/AnduwinHS 3h ago

If it is a massive breach of your personal space and consent, then it is up to you to tell people that. You shouldn't expect everyone else to adjust their behavior that is completely culturally normal because it is something that makes you uncomfortable.

The sound of a sweeping brush on cement or tarmac makes me horribly uncomfortable, like unable to focus on anything else and teeth feeling sandpaper levels of discomfort. It's up to me to remove myself from a situation where someone is sweeping a path, it's not up to them to ask me if I'm ok with them sweeping

1

u/uselesslebanon 2h ago

Ironic because being upset because someone doesn't want to hug you, is very sensitive

0

u/General_Guest7846 3h ago

oh absolutely. This is such a non-issue. Sure, I huffed when I was a little kid and my parents made me do things I didn't want to do but that was life. Giving a hug to your grandparents is not something to complain about simply because it's violating your personal space.

-8

u/Hipnotize_nl 4h ago

Did you just call me sensitive?! Without my consent?! (/S)

-3

u/SpellingIsAhful 3h ago

Everything has to be a fucking crisis. If you dont want a hug from your grandparents, dont hug them. If a hug from your grandparents makes you feel so uncomfortable you need to start a media campaign, maybe its time to contact a lawyer to deal with what they did to you earlier in your life that causes those feelings.

Next up? A guy tried to high five me. I did not consent so I had to stab him and run away.

5

u/Motor-Illustrator226 3h ago

You don’t get it. Kids don’t learn unless we model it. If we force them to hug grandparents, they learn their choice doesn’t matter.

this PSA wasn’t for people who dont want to hug their grandparents. It’s for parents who force their kids to.

-16

u/ekanite 4h ago

Hush, this is a safe space

-25

u/Ok_Armadillo_5364 4h ago

You may be wrong but it’s ok if you aren’t. I apologize if this comment offended you or if referred to you using the wrong pronouns…. /s