r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/ArcherVisible5866 • 4h ago

Video New controversial Ad in Ireland about consent

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9.2k Upvotes

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249

u/InterstellarChange 4h ago

I think the message would have been more clear if it was "grabby uncle billy"

297

u/work_work-work 4h ago

It's better that it's aunt Patty. Women always think their hugs are welcome - they aren't!

40

u/velofille 4h ago

Yeh i agree with this, i absoliutely hated that growing up

-23

u/Max-Phallus 4h ago

It's not exactly traumatic though getting a hug from an aunt when you didn't want to.

13

u/theatermouse 3h ago

It can be, especially for autistic people or those with other sensory issues, or someone who has had their consent violated in more serious ways, or...

3

u/velofille 2h ago

You realize not just hugs right? Also it's setting kids up to accept forced intimacy as normal

-12

u/therealjchrist 3h ago

Everyone in the comments here acting like receiving harmless acts of affection from family is an offensive violation.

Lost the fuckin plot we have.

3

u/Adventurous-Web-412 3h ago

Yeah idk it seems like an odd one. And frankly I feel its a good thing that someone has to receive harmless acts of affection. Its like take it to the same degree, when yer parents have whoever the fuck over, and called you out to go greet them and say hello, is this also problematic? I am not sure, but I feel like all these things help build better social kids.

10

u/Jekmander 3h ago

If you two can't understand how teaching children that certain people are entitled to their bodies could cause problems, then I feel for your children.

The video isn't saying affection is a problem, it's saying consent is important. You wouldn't hug or kiss a woman if she said she didn't want it (I hope), so why is it any different for a child?

-4

u/Adventurous-Web-412 3h ago

I would not hug or kiss a woman if they directly say it yes, but this is not the same scenario and swapping it feels rather bad faith.

Like a hug in this scenario is the same as a handshake. Yeah you could say "I don't want to handshake" but its just odd, its a short conventioned greeting, and saying "your consent is all that matters" feels very shortsighted for the development of a child. It is not a blanket rule, and parents should be able to understand when their child has sensory issues or what have you, but at the end of the day its an enormously aggressive line to draw.

10

u/Jekmander 3h ago

Man, if a kid says they don't want to be touched, don't fucking touch them. They have all the same rights you do, and they're not obligated to explain themselves. You are the reason they're running these ads lmfao

-2

u/Adventurous-Web-412 2h ago

Where was I saying that you should still touch a child if they say no. Also stop with the fucking ad hominems holy shit, I swear every single time with these comments there is no argument its just a weird absolutist position physical contact and then trying to hint at "oh you don't care about consent" whenever someone points out anything.

Yes you can say no to a hug, yes you can say no to a handshake, its just fucking bizarre. Its a enormously harmless greeting convention, and this isn't with a stranger its with your grandparents. Given how 1. kids need physical touch to develop and 2. kids need to be socialised and learn to put up with being mildly uncomfortable, drawing some enormous line where if the kid just doesn't want to have a hug because children infamously are awkward and shy is silly. A parents job is to make their children functioning members of societies, part of that is socialising which includes forcing them to do things that they find awkward.

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-1

u/therealjchrist 1h ago

Lost. The. Plot.

-4

u/obi_one_jabroni 3h ago

When you realize that most of Reddit is chronically online and hates going outside, or have any human contact, it makes sense. The extent of human connection is bitching with people online. That’s the way the votes go here, but is not representative of the general public’s feelings but it’s just a Reddit thing

2

u/therealjchrist 1h ago edited 1h ago

It's pathetic self aggrandizing nonsense for the sake of woke internet points instead of common sense. I don't understand how they don't see that.

4

u/Appropriate-Weird492 2h ago

Aunt Patty can also be a creeper.

-3

u/B35TR3GARD5 3h ago

Speak for yourself… I’m 100% green lit for hugs from strangers; an authentic hug can change the day

24

u/theatermouse 3h ago

THAT IS THE POINT. You can say yes to hugs, they can say no to hugs. Consent is LITERALLY allowing everyone to speak for themselves.

2

u/work_work-work 2h ago

I am speaking for myself! 🙄

And yes, a good hug can definitely change the day for the better - if it is welcome.
A hug can also ruin the day if it isn't.

39

u/Killing4MotherAgain 3h ago edited 3h ago

Nah we need to teach children how to say no thank you to the people they're comfortable with so they have the confidence to say it to the people they aren't comfortable with.

4

u/-rosa-azul- 1h ago

Exactly this. It helps children if you don't muddy the message. If you want them to understand it's OK to say no to completely optional physical touch, that has to mean touch from ANYone, not just people who are "creepy."

13

u/Controller_Maniac 3h ago

that defeats the message of the ad

68

u/Visual_Box_218 3h ago edited 3h ago

Nah, we need more depictions of seemingly non-creepy people violating boundaries. Because it's not often "grabby uncle billy" who ends up committing SA/CSA. It's usually the people you don't expect.

For me, it was my mom, from infancy to around 10. My family was also very much a hugs-and-kisses-and-such, even when I clearly didn't want it, type of family. It helped teach me that my body didn't belong to me, and that family couldn't do any wrong.

So when my mom did what she did to me (rape), saying no wasn't even an option. When I did eventually try to say no, then came the "I'm your mom. I could never do anything bad to you." or "I'm your mom. It doesn't count." or "Oh, please. Your body is like my own." or "It doesn't hurt. Get over it." or "You used to love it when you were a baby." or "Come on. It makes me so happy." and other horrible things.

These are all very similar to the lines I'd hear from family whenever I tried to just say no to something as simple as a hug.

EDIT: To be clear, I'm in my 30s now. Not a child in danger currently. But this is definitely something I'm still working through, since I didn't get away from my mom until a few years ago, and she continued doing things to me long into adulthood.

10

u/Xxrandom_catxX 3h ago

im so sorry she did that to you qwq

1

u/chimeranimus 1h ago

Everything she said and did to you makes me sick. I'm sorry. I hope you are healing safely now you are free from her.

-19

u/HouseofFeathers 3h ago

Oh you poor baby

3

u/chimeranimus 1h ago

insane thing to say to someone who has been abused.

62

u/greatdeity924 4h ago

I think the idea is they went the tamest route possible for the tv screen.

60

u/StanknBeans 4h ago

Also there are a lot of people who don't see ignoring someone's personal space as intruding on them because they don't and never thought to consider that others might not feel the same way about it as they do

4

u/thisdesignup 2h ago

SERIOUSLY! This is all there is to it. Consent isn't just about someone telling you what they want or don't want. It's about actually listening to and caring about the thoughts of the other people involved.

Nobody likes being forced to do things so you'd think we'd all be understanding and actually think about others. Especially when that thing has no repercussions whether it's done or not.

And the worst part is, something like a hug is a way to show that you care about someone. If you aren't considering their feelings towards that thing then what kind of care is that?

7

u/Wylaff 3h ago

The tamest route possible also highlights everything more extreme. This was beautifully done, and the fact that people are discussing it means it's making people think.

42

u/Mediocre-Cobbler5744 3h ago

That would undercut the point which is that a minor physical interaction also requires consent.

49

u/StellarTitz 4h ago

It was my grandfather that raped me so I agree with this ad. 

11

u/Myrindyl 3h ago

I'm so sorry he did that to you, I hope you're doing better these days

16

u/EternumD 3h ago

That would be less clear, because then people would assume it doesn't apply to them 

10

u/gooberfishie 4h ago

That would have been a very different message

6

u/sentence-interruptio 3h ago

then hug-hungry relatives will be like "at least I'm not like that creepy uncle in that ad. my hug is totally fine. everyone loves my hug"

2

u/NekoArtemis 3h ago

It works better to teach people in situations that aren't high stakes.

2

u/Rocketeering 2h ago

Why? because a woman can hug the kid without question but it is bad if a guy does the same thing? If she's giving unwelcomed touch then she is giving unwelcomes touch.