r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/ArcherVisible5866 • 4h ago

Video New controversial Ad in Ireland about consent

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347

u/FindjeanniePDX 4h ago

I let my kid choose hug or no hug and she was always a good judge.

41

u/sunshinerf 3h ago

My former best friend would always make his kid hug everyone when came by. They love to host and have guests more often than not. Whenever I would come in and she didn't feel like giving me a hug he would mad at her, and I would say no. You don't have to hug me if you don't want to, but if you do want to I would LOVE a hug. Guess who she would turn to when get-together got overwhelming for her? Without fail, she would go e me this look that I knew meant she needs a time out. I'd go to her, she'd ask if I can go to her room with her, and we'd lay on the floor in the dark looking at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling or look at her new shoes or read a story. I was her safe space when she needed to get away from people.

I miss that kid a lot, it's unfortunate her parents turned into raging bigots I want nothing to do with.

7

u/AlaeOrbis 2h ago

Man I wish men could do this. I always love kids. If I could, I would love to be the kind of person I wish was there for me as a kid. But dear god, if a man went into a room alone with a kid at a party or a get-together the amount of "he's creepy" or rumors or allegations would be insane.

1

u/sunshinerf 2h ago

I never had any such thoughts about people I know well and am close with. I'm sure her parents wouldn't have been comfortable with that if it was a woman they weren't close with either, nor would they mind if it was a man they were close with. If you have a strong bond with a child no one who knows that bond would assume you're a predator.

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u/MadHatter_10-6 3h ago

My brother did that too. Now he complains and asks why nobody's close with his kids 🤣

43

u/theatermouse 3h ago

Because they're jerks who are holding a child not wanting to be hugged against them?

-41

u/MadHatter_10-6 3h ago

If you dont "force" your children to socialize and hug your family they wont develop much of a relationship.

Nobody's holding it against them, theres just very little bonding.

23

u/Important_Ease_6698 3h ago

I think you can create a sort of reverse situation when it’s forced. Like if you’re forced into physical affection you develop an aversion to it.

-15

u/MadHatter_10-6 3h ago

I think thats possible but you also need your kids to interact with family. If they choose not to do that at all then it gets in the way of bonding.

The youngest doesnt really talk to anyone. Shes now 8 and ive never had a "conversation" with her.

Im really close with everyone elses kids. The big difference is obviously that their parents brought them around more when they were little and we were able to interact and bond.

You do need them to interact IMO or if you want to leave it up to them and they chose not to, dont complain that they dont have a relationship with extended family. Honestly its unfortunate. I think my brother sees how everyone is with the other kids and is jealous but their parenting style and decisions shaped that.

6

u/Important_Ease_6698 3h ago

Yeah that’s interesting. I feel like best case scenario is just as much time as possible in close proximity. I feel like the physical bonding piece would just come to be naturally. I could see it being healthy to sort of encourage it in little acts of play, like patty cake, lots of eye contact, sitting close to the child and reading to them. Those are all intimate. It doesn’t have to be a big thing like hugs and kisses when grandma shows up for the first time in 2 months.

Like I totally still feel a sense of intimacy just standing really close to people. Hugs and stuff like, at times I just haven’t felt the need.

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u/MadHatter_10-6 3h ago

See thats the thing thats not there either. Theres little to no interaction. The youngest is 8. She still hides behind her mom. I get it shes shy but you need to encourage that to an extent.

Nobodys holding it against them as others said but at a point some of us have kind of given up trying. I ask my neice some questions and she just ignored me or runs away. Whats the point? My parents barely had a relationship with them until a few years ago. Its very extreme tbh but everyone else chalky it up to this approach of letting the kids decide for themselves.

My brother blames covid for impacting their ability to socialize but then they dont even encourage them to socialize with us so I cant say that covid is the thing that did it but who knows.

4

u/Important_Ease_6698 3h ago

Yeah that situation sounds like an actual problem. And the parents are not doing her any favours as she grows up. But, I do believe that kids like that can still flourish and develop well as they move into different areas of life. It’s not all doom and gloom for her future. But I’m sure you know that anyway and are mostly disappointed with the current circumstances which is understandable.

If it’s not encouraged at all then where do parents think the kid learns socialization? If you look at any extreme scenarios with children in terrible upbringings they can literally become feral. Like we teach them everything, they’re not born speaking a language, they become their environment. It’s modelling and reinforcement I reckon. I’m not a parent lol

3

u/studenteater12 2h ago

In your example, does interaction have to mean physical touch? I agree that kids need to be socialized, 100%. However, I see a distinction between socializing a kid and allowing them to consent to physical touch.

23

u/FewCryptographer4649 3h ago

You don't only bond by touch you weirdo

-9

u/MadHatter_10-6 3h ago

I also said socialize. Try reading

19

u/Darth_Krios 3h ago

You can socialize without touching, I do it all the time.

-5

u/MadHatter_10-6 3h ago

Ok so you can read but not comprehend. Got it

15

u/Darth_Krios 3h ago

Please, troll harder.

-2

u/MadHatter_10-6 3h ago

My pt is if you dont encourage your kids to socialize/interact with extended family and they dont develop close bonds, dont complain about it.

Its clear in our family their parenting decisions shaped the kids' relationships with everyone else.

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u/FewCryptographer4649 2h ago

You literally said it's them not hugging you that causes estrangement. How does that prevent communication?