My dad used to be the calmest man I knew. After he went blind, he became someone I can't live around.

I (26M) grew up in a low-income family in a third world country. He was quiet and patient, never raised his voice, and I always felt his love. He developed a serious eye condition in his 30s, which is very rare at that age. It hit him hard, but he kept going, his business took off, and he paid for me to study abroad in Australia at 19. I stayed there for five years without coming home, just calls here and there. In my first year there, he went completely blind.

When I came home at 24, he was a different person. He's angry and bitter, yells constantly, and fights with my mom daily. He tells her she's "not enough." Once he told her that if he could turn back time, he'd choose to stay single and not have her or me, because he isn't happy. He gets furious if she or I go out anywhere. He trash-talks us and our employees, and he once joked in front of my staff that he'd snap their necks if they messed up. He rewrites past events so that my mom and I are always the ones who were wrong, and I no longer trust his version of anything.

Money is a big part of it. My mom and I live comfortably but modestly in a farmhouse in a quiet rural area, while my dad pays for my uncles' luxury lifestyles: big houses, nice cars, designer bags, all funded by him. Yet he's furious if my mom spends even a few hundred dollars, and he gets angry at me for spending my own money on my own things.

It's also reached my personal life. He told my mom, who then told me, that he doesn't understand why I'd stay with my girlfriend since she's "poor." Her family's income has never mattered to me. He has also told me to pretend I'm single so I can get close to women's families and pick up business opportunities. I told my mom that was crazy.

I came back partly to start a business, and he loaned me some money as startup capital, so he's a minority shareholder. He has his own, much bigger business, yet he constantly accuses me and my employees of stealing from him. Every failure is my fault and every success is his, even though he does nothing day to day.

For context, he also has other health problems and is under a lot of stress from his own business. I suggested through my mom that he see a psychiatrist, but she's too afraid to bring it up with him, and he doesn't believe in doctors.

My business brings in about $27k a month net profit for me after tax on average, and almost everyone I've talked to says I'd be crazy to walk away from that and should just tough it out. But I can't live and work around him anymore, and my mental health is in bad shape. Soon I'm leaving it all behind to restart from zero in Australia. My mom supports my decision, but I feel guilty leaving her alone in this situation. And honestly, what I've written here isn't even half of it.

What I'm asking:

1. Does a change this sharp sound like grief or depression after sudden vision loss, or just who he's become? Would his other health problems and stress explain part of it? Would that change how I handle it?
2. Is walking away from my business a good decision for my mental health?
3. My mom wants me to go, but I feel terrible leaving her with him. How do I leave without abandoning her, and how do I support her from abroad?

TL;DR: My dad went from gentle to angry, controlling and paranoid after losing his sight. He's told my mom he wishes he'd never had a family, and he judges my girlfriend for being poor. I'm leaving a business that nets me ~$27k/month, where he's a shareholder, to protect my mental health. My mom supports it, but I feel guilty leaving her behind. Am I doing the right thing?

Last week, my wife told me she that she regrets getting married so young (we’ve been married for 3 years), and that she isn’t sure if she still loves me. A few days later she said she does love me and wants to try to make things work.

Since this has happened I’ve felt my own romantic feelings for her fade, I’m not sure if I’m just hurt and trying to protect myself or if they’re actually just gone. I’ve made an effort to have long conversations and ask her on a date, but haven’t felt any sort of effort on her end. She told me that she had been hiding her true feelings for a few months now.

Everything is so fresh, I feel like I should wait it out and give her time. But I also just want to go. I also can’t shake the feeling that there’s another man involved, but I also can’t prove it.

I can’t decide how long I should wait, when my gut tells me to just go.

TLDR: married 3 years, wife isn’t sure if she still loves me, wanted to leave then came back. I’m not sure if I should wait or just go.

Hi! My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) have been together for almost 3 months. We’ve been long-distance for 2 months, but he flew out to visit me about a month ago, and he's actually coming to see me again in a week. 

Lately he’s been struggling a lot with his mental health. He’s been feeling like a failure because he’s not in college and doesn't know what he wants to do with his life after high school. “I didn't think I would make it this far”. I understand those feelings. I'm currently in college, and I've struggled with being unhappy with what I'm doing, but I've been actively working on it and trying to make things better. 

The problem is that our nightly phone calls have been increasingly turning into him spiraling. He starts hyperventilating, shutting down, and trying to push me away. At least once that I know of, he's been close to hurting himself. The other night I was talking him out of hurting himself. 

He frequently says things like, “I should just let you go,” or “It’s okay, you don't need to worry,” and tries to get me off the phone because he feels bad about having me worried. I’ve started trying not to show how worried I am because it seems to be making things worse when he hears how upset I am. But I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it without making his situation worse. 

He refuses to see a therapist. He’s said before that he doesn't trust therapists, but I don't know if there's a specific reason or if he’s just scared to admit he needs help. I know I can't keep being his therapist, but I feel like I'm being put in that position anyway. I'm already struggling with adjusting to college, being in a new place, and meeting new people. I’m scared that constantly trying to manage his mental health is going to make my mental health deteriorate. 

I also feel trapped because I don't know who I can talk to about this. He’s told me about a previous experience where he opened up to someone about his mental health, and that person used it against him and threatened to tell other people. I don't want to betray his trust or make him feel worse. 

What's especially confusing to me is what happens after these episodes. Once he's calmed down enough to be coherent, he’ll say things like "I'm sorry I put you through all that for nothing," "I'll never do it again," or "I'll never bother you again." But then it happens again the next night. Sometimes he'll say things like, "My poor baby. I'm so sorry," and I can't help feeling like the focus is being shifted onto me and how much he's hurt me instead of addressing what's happening.

But then again, he doesn't seem willing to accept comfort from me. I’ll try to reassure him that he matters and that things can get better, but sometimes he’ll literally take his headphones off so he doesn't have to listen to me. I end up pleading with him to talk to me and to listen to me and to let me help him. It hurts because I want to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. Sometimes I want to shut down and pull away too, but I don't because I feel like I need to be there for him. 

There have also been situations where I feel like he's pressuring me about my future. I’ve set myself up to potentially graduate college early, but I don't feel like I need to rush, I don't want to rush. I’m still figuring out what I want to do with my life, and I don't want to choose a degree or overload myself with classes just to finish as quickly as possible. When I've mentioned that I might need all four years to graduate, he's responded with things like, "Nooo, what about me?" and said he doesn't know if he can wait four years. And that really sets me off. I don't feel like I'm being supported in doing what **I** want to do. 

I've also told him that I want to finish college before getting married and that I think couples should date for a number of years before getting married. He's seemed to agree, but he's also sent me social media posts about wanting "his last name on a degree." Honestly, that bothers me. I want my own last name on my degree. I'm the one earning it, and I'm proud of that. I don't want to feel like my accomplishments have to be tied to a future husband's name, its my achievement, not his. 

At this point, I'm hesitant to tell him about the things I'm considering doing in college because I'm worried he'll pressure me to finish sooner or make me feel like I'm not prioritizing him. I want to be able to make decisions about my own education without feeling guilty for potentially taking longer than he wants me to.

I also feel like I'm constantly being made to prove that I care about him. He's said before that he thinks I don't care because I don't ask to call him very often. But he's also almost always busy with family, traveling, or spending time with friends. I don't want to interrupt the time he's already set aside for other people. When I ask if he can call and he can't, I feel stupid for asking, like I should have known he was busy. But when he chooses to step away from other people to call me, I feel guilty for pulling him away from them. Either way, I end up feeling like I've done something wrong.

I'm starting to question whether this relationship is healthy for me. I love him so much, and that's part of what makes this so difficult. I've spent years single, figuring out what I wanted in a partner and what kinds of relationships I didn't want to end up in. I was genuinely happy when I finally found someone I felt I could trust. Now I'm scared that I might have made the wrong choice, and I'm terrified of going back to being alone.

But I also know I can't keep doing this. I can't keep spending my nights trying to talk him through these episodes when he won't listen to me or accept help. I have a breaking point, too, and I'm scared of reaching it. At the same time, I'm terrified that if I tell him I can't keep doing this, he'll hurt himself and I'll feel responsible.

I sometimes even question whether his threats to hurt himself are becoming a way of proving that I care about him. I hate thinking that because I don't want to believe he's intentionally manipulating me. But when he tells me he feels like I don't care, I feel completely broken. If I didn't care, would I be spending hours trying to help him? Would I be trying so hard to find solutions? I genuinely don't know how to handle this anymore.

Our conversations can feel like a lose-lose situation. For example:

Him: "I just wanna be done."

Me: "You're going to get through this."

Him: "We'll see."

Me: "No. No 'we'll see.' You're going to get through this."

Or:

Him: "Stop trying. Stop. Just stop."

Me: "Why?"

Him: "It makes me feel like I'm using you."

I don't know what I'm supposed to do in those situations. If I try to help, he gets upset and feels guilty. If I stop trying, I worry that he'll feel abandoned or think I don't care. I feel like I'm responsible for keeping him okay, but nothing I do seems to be enough.

I know I've handled my own mental health differently. When I was really struggling, I eventually realized that I needed to take action to get better, and I've continued working on myself to avoid falling back into that place. Sometimes I wonder if seeing me make progress makes him feel worse about his own situation. I don't want him to compare himself to me, but I also don't think I should have to stop working on myself because he's struggling.

I'm beginning to wonder whether he's looking for support or whether he's starting to rely on these episodes to get reassurance from me. I don't want to accuse him of attention-seeking when I know he's genuinely struggling, but it's becoming harder to tell the difference between him needing help and a dynamic that's hurting both of us.

I have my own first therapy appointment scheduled for early November, but I honestly don't know if I can keep going like this until then. He's coming to visit me in a week, and I don't know whether I should be looking forward to that or worrying about what things will be like in person.

I'm not necessarily looking for advice on how to fix his mental health. I know that's something he ultimately needs to work on himself, and I can't do it for him. I'm looking for advice about the relationship itself.

Am I overthinking this because he's struggling, or are these signs of emotional manipulation? How do I set boundaries without feeling like I'm abandoning him? Is this relationship something I should keep trying to work on, or is it healthier to walk away before I completely burn myself out?

I love him, and I don't want to give up on him just because he's going through a difficult time. But I also don't want to lose myself trying to save someone who isn't willing to help himself.

TL;DR: My (18F) long-distance boyfriend (18M) and I have been together for almost two months. He's been struggling with his mental health, and our nightly calls have turned into episodes where he spirals, sometimes threatens to hurt himself, and pushes away my attempts to help. He refuses therapy, and I feel like I'm becoming responsible for keeping him okay at the expense of my own mental health. He's also made comments that make me feel pressured to rush college and our future together. I love him, but I'm starting to wonder whether this is emotional manipulation or an unhealthy relationship dynamic. How do I set boundaries, and should I stay in this relationship?

I ‘F32’ have been with my boyfriend ‘M30’ for 3 years now and unfortunately the past few months have been pretty bad between us. We moved in together just a year ago, and unfortunately his family business has not been doing well which in turn has affected his mental health. He doesn’t say that part out loud, it’s just evident with the way he acts now. I been as supportive as possible, emotionally and financially.
Back to “the way he acts” he just is always so serious and mean. I understand we can’t do what we used to do, going on frequent dates, trips, shopping, etc. That’s fine. Instead of asking for that, I been finding myself begging for kindness. For affection. For consideration. Whenever I express how I’m feeling, which is HURT, he just shuts down. He doesn’t say much. What I normally hear back is: “I don’t know what to tell you” “I’m not being mean to you”
I feel so dismissed. He doesn’t say mean things, he just has a very harsh tone, raises his voice, and doesn’t give me affection. I’ve expressed I feel like a ghost or an emotional punching bag, just depends on the day. I cry and just ask, “why can’t you just be nice to me again?”

**TL;DR;** : boyfriend been mean because his business is not doing well which

I 26F have been dating my boyfriend 26M for almost two years now. We got pregnant relatively fast in our relationship & at present we have a 2 month old baby.

When I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend admitted he didn’t want the baby and wanted to abort. He has a 3 year old daughter from his previous long term relationship. I didn’t want to abort and gave him the option to not be involved with the baby or me and that we could go our separate ways and around 2-3 months of me being pregnant he decided he wanted to stay together and have our son.

When I was around 4-5 months pregnant my boyfriend fell asleep with his phone unlocked after spending all night in the living room playing playstation. I was swiping closed his apps because some instagram reel was playing over and over and it woke me up. When I was closing the apps grindr was installed and he had been messaging men asking for pictures & telling them he could meet them across the street from our house in a field to have sex in his car. It didn’t get that far because he was drunk and fell asleep… obviously with his phone unlocked playing a video on instagram.

Obviously I freaked out and I temporarily broke up with him, but being the dumb woman I am I eventually forgave him and moved back into our house that we own.

I felt bad because I knew he didn’t want a baby and I blamed him cheating on the pressure of having our son soon. He assured me it wouldn’t happen again and I genuinely believed him.

I have to add that I had no clue that him liking men or trans-women was a thing, but he admitted his interest in trannys and in gay sex, but says he doesn’t wanna date anyone with a penis, but he would have sex with them and has had sex with trannys and men before… None of this i had any clue about AT ALL. But that’s neither here nor there.

When I was three weeks postpartum I found her had a second snapchat account where he had added all trannys and gay men from multiple apps and websites. Like grindr and fetlife and had been messaging these people on snapchat and discord exchanging nudes, saying he wanted to meet up with them for 3 months. and had been logged into that account texting people the same day I went into labor. There were so many people added, so many nude pictures and videos. He was messaging these people while at work and while I was at work and I looked at the dates and times and sometimes he would be messaging right before I walked in the door from work.

I am still living with him currently as our baby is only 8 weeks old and I need a lot of help with him. I’m still on maternity leave and don’t go back for 3.5 more weeks.

My boyfriend insists on not being “gay” even thought he’s clearly definitely interested in men. He had me put parental controls on his phone that block him from downloading any apps, going on any adult websites, and deleting his search history. He leaves his phone with me all of the time so I can know he’s not behind my back cheating on me.

He wants to stay together and I see significant changes in his behavior on the day to day genuinely. I know he is truly trying now, but i just feel like he should’ve just tried from the beginning.

I want to leave him and I know I probably should because if I forgive him again he will most likely cheat on me again, but he assures me that he is fully committed to me now.

He admitted to not loving me fully, and not being 100% into our relationship because he felt like he was repeating the same mistakes he did with his ex (they also had a baby very early in their relationship) and that he’s very insecure and convinced himself that I wanted to break up with him which made him even more insecure in our relationship. He also admitted to having a porn addiction and that he felt like he was trapped in a “cycle” of logging in the account… getting the videos and sending the videos, but then being disgusted with himself after he finished.

I want to believe him and I have alot of sympathy for him, but it just doesn’t excuse what he did a lot.

Even thought we are still together, my current plan is to move out on my own with our son when he is around 6 months old and split custody. I just feel really guilty about it for some reason even thought I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I mostly just feel bad for my son.

what would you do if you were in this situation? I know the answer should be very obvious, but this situation is very confusing and difficult to navigate for many reasons. It doesn’t necessarily bother me if he’s bi or pan or whatever he is, but he did cheat on me half of my pregnancy and that makes me sick.

Tl;Dr caught my boyfriend on grindr when I was 4 months pregnant. how should I go about separating our lives? no

My partner and I have been together for several years, and lately, I’ve started to realize that, without even noticing it, I may have slowly lost a part of myself throughout our relationship.

I want to make it clear that my partner is not a bad person. Quite the opposite, actually. He is a wonderful person who supports me, encourages me to become a better version of myself, and is always happy for me whenever I achieve something, no matter how small it may seem. He has never pressured me into doing anything or stopped me from growing. In fact, he often encourages me to spend time with my friends and do things for myself. That’s why I feel like this isn’t something he has caused, but rather something that has gradually happened within me.

We are currently in a long-distance relationship. He is studying, has his own friends, and is constantly busy because of his profession, as he has to spend many hours at the hospital. His life is full of responsibilities, routines, and activities that keep him occupied.

As for me, I graduated from university a few years ago. At the beginning of our relationship, I had a job, but I lost it due to staff cuts, which affected me quite a bit. Since then, I haven’t been able to find another job, and I spend most of my time at home. Although I do have friends, they are also very busy with their jobs and their own lives, so it can be difficult to find time to go out together.

Lately, I feel like I don’t have any hobbies, personal activities, or anything outside my relationship that I genuinely look forward to. I’ve thought about taking a course related to my profession, continuing to develop my career, and finding things to do for myself. However, even when I consider these things, I end up making my decisions based on my partner. For example, I worry that if I start a course, I might be busy studying when he has time off and is able to come visit me. And that’s when I realize that, without meaning to, I’m allowing the possibility of spending time with him to determine how I live my own life.

It feels as though my relationship has become the center of my world, and I’ve stopped building other parts of myself. While he has his responsibilities, friendships, and activities, I feel like I’ve been left waiting for those moments when we can be together, especially because we live far apart and our time together in person is limited.

I don’t want this to be misunderstood. I love my partner, I genuinely enjoy spending time with him, and I don’t want to stop prioritizing our relationship. I just want to feel like I have a life of my own again. I want to keep growing, have my own goals, passions, and experiences, and feel that my happiness doesn’t depend so much on when we can see each other or how much time we can spend together.

How do I find a balance between loving someone and continuing to grow as an individual?**

Tl;dr

For context, this is my first relationship and we have only been dating for around 3 months (still very early stages) and whilst i really enjoy her company as a person, i think whenever there is a conflict, big or small, there is a struggle in our communication with eachother to resolve problems effectively and calmly. For instance, the other day i had accidently left food in her oven and it had grown mold in which i take full responsibility and accountability for, but upon discovery while we were on the phone, she immediately lashed out saying phrases like "i hate you", and "shut up". When i tried speaking, she told me to stop talking as she didnt want to hear my voice, and ended the call immediately when i asked if she wanted me to end the call. It has now been a few days of no contact. I believe there is an underlying issue here as in our other conflicts, eg when i bring up any concerns, she frequently uses phrases such as "im sorry i'm not xyz" or "go find a better girlfriend then". I'm not claiming to be a perfect person, but i genuinely just want to know if this is a normal thing in a relationship as this is my first, and if there is any room for the disrespect to change? I seriously want to see and build a future with this person, but i feel disrespected and belittled everytime we have a conflict, and am often left yelled at or feeling dismissed when they go ghost. Thank you for taking the time to read this if you made it to the end. 

tl;dr Girlfriend and I cant solve conflicts without any yelling or disrespect to be involved. Issues are often not resolved and left worse before we talked about. How do i approach this in the healthiest manner?

We’re [25 m and 25f] dating for a bit more than a year now and we live 20 minutes apart. He works 8-5 and I work less because I’m also studying, so my schedule is more relaxed. The problem is that he only wants to meet properly on Friday evening or Saturday. Sometimes he comes for an hour after work. And very very rarely he sleeps over after work.
I feel bad that he doesn’t want to see me during work days. I get that he’s tired but I don’t want him to do anything special. I just want to be near and watch a show together or smth. And I often cook for him if he stays over as well. And I brought it up so many times that I feel like he doesn’t want to see me or doesn’t miss me. But he always says that he’s just too tired or that he prefers to leave for work from his home (he doesn’t invite me to his place either). And during the week he says often that he misses me but it just doesn’t make any sense to me and makes me angry. If he misses me then he would come and see me !??
We had this period when I was basically inviting myself to his place and came there after his work and had to leave at 7 am with him because he doesn’t have second set of keys. And I sacrificed my sleep, my comfort so we could see each other. Then I stopped because I got tired and realized it’s not appreciated. And he never really invited me there since. So we just stopped seeing each other during the work week

I’m just so frustrated and mostly because I just don’t understand the logic. How can you miss me but refuse to hang out with me and then he gets offended when I say that he just doesn’t want to see me.
I just don’t know what to do and how to accept his way of seeing each other. Maybe someone can explain that this is normal?? Do a lot of couples see each other like that too?

TL;DR: my boyfriend doesn’t want to see me during the work week even though he says that he misses me a lot

My partner ‘25NB’ and I ‘26 F’ have been together for almost 11 months but I’m wondering if we’re compatible.

For starters, they’re a wonderful partner is so many ways. They are loving, affectionate, chivalrous, and really thoughtful is so many ways but we have been fighting a lot for the past month & on & off throughout our relationship.

We’re both quite stubborn so that could be a part of it but I feel like lately our potential lack of compatibility has become more evident.

Most things are things we can work through but some things have me wondering if they’re too big.

For starters, they can be really obsessive or difficult to talk to during high stress situations.

We went on a camping trip the other day and got a little lost (we still had signal so it wasn’t too bad) and they started freaking out and being super anxious and walking instead of taking a moment to just chill out so we can reassess the situation. They’re very anti being told to chill, calm down, take a moment, etc when honestly they just need to do that so it makes it difficult to ground us in those scenarios. We ended up getting more lost than we would have if I had just been alone which was frustrating.

Another common ex. is if they have a work assignment issue, they’ll ruminate on it over and over again and will let it ruin their sleep and cause tension instead of just focusing on what they can control.

I’m not really sure how to address these things. I have OCD and bad anxiety so I’ve been doing a lot of work on letting things go and focusing on what I can control and I feel myself getting worse with him.

I love them so deeply though but I don’t want to live my life in stress or not be able to think clearly through serious situations lk the camping situation bc my partner isn’t on the same page.

Tl;dr

Are we too incompatible or is this resolvable?

Together six years.

We're currently going through a turbulent phase because I'm unhappy enough to consider breaking up. One major factor in this is our communication.

Our communication does not seem to be aligned a very well. He has continuously made me feel like it would be a bad idea for me to stand up for myself because it just ends up being a big hassle and he doesn't understand me and then gets frustrated over not understanding me. He doesn't see it that way though, and is of the opinion that he's always a supportive boyfriend and wants me to be open in our communication.

I'm currently trying to have it out over everything I used to sweep under the rug because otherwise I'm basically dying on the inside and am building up a lot of resentment. But especially since I've started to push back more, we've been clashing a lot.

Example: I'm sick today. When he came in in the morning I told him I felt sick in a very "aw dang, I didn't feel well yesterday evening and now I'm worse." type of way. He immediately told me that I should go to the pharmacy today and ask them if they have anything for me to get better soon. I told him that I might do that, but that what I'm sick with will not get me more info or something to get better by from a pharmacist. They will most likely just tell me to go to a doctor about it according to my own experience with them.

He then went on to tell me that he felt like I didn't accept what he said and that I immediately shot him down. And I'm just thinking "???" because sure, I didn't say "of course, what a great idea!", but I did engage with his suggestion and it's not like I'm physically dying and should go to a hospital or something. I understand that he cares for me, but I'm a grow woman who's been sick numerous times throughout the years and I have managed to pull through so far. Me having a different opinion over my own health and what I want to do to get better shouldn't be a major point of shared discussion in my opinion - especially if we're talking about me having basically a bad cold and not something like cancer.

I thought we had a low stakes discussion or sharing of thoughts, but he felt dejected and frustrated instead. He feels like my answers don't match what he said to me.

If the roles were reversed, I would've suggested the pharmacy and if he didn't feel like it or didn't see the point in it, I would've left it at that.

We constantly have tiny issues like that. He easily gets disappointed or will feel dejected when I don't engage with him in the way he wanted me to engage. He'll put his own needs first and expects me to put my own needs first too, and then we should see what comes out of that. (Took me ages to figure that one out because I am not familiar with that sort of conflict of interest resolution tactic.) I'm feeling like I used to bend a lot to have us work on issues as a team, and now I'm no longer able to do this sort of self sacrifice - and now he calls me inconsiderate or tells me I'm rejecting him or insinuates that I'm not a team player. I just feel like there seem to be some basic value differences that come out in how we communicate and what we want from communication.

And to refer to the title: I feel like there are a lot of emotions that he puts on me with a looot of things. There always seems to be some deeper emotional meaning of high importance to everything, and it stresses me out. I used to just talk to people if we had an issue and I always felt like I could contain my emotions to myself pretty well. Putting shame, guilt, rejection, disappointment or frustration onto someone else is something I only ever did if there was no way around it and I needed the other person to understand my emotional space. If I couldn't get through to someone with just explaining what happened on a logical level, then I would unpack the emotional level for a couple of minutes with them and then return to the much less exhausting and less painful logical level. That way I felt like we would understand each other, respect each other and truly meet each other as equals because no one felt like they were forced to react a certain way based on the strong emotions of the other person.

For my boyfriend, it's the opposite.

He doesn't contain his emotions, he'll freely make me responsible for them and he seems to have an emotional reaction to a lot of things - especially when I don't do what he expected me to do, or react in his expected way. An "alright, you sound like you know what you're doing with the pharmacy" becomes "you don't engage with my suggestions enough and I feel like you don't hear me". An "Oof, the handyman is coming in the day you're working in the office and I'm at home - I really wanted to do something outside of the house that day, but it's the most logical for me to stay home for this although it sucks" becomes "I really don't want to stay in that day. I already have other plans and I feel like it's unfair that I'd have to stay home for this". A "you were in the bathroom for 15 minutes and we don't have cell service here, so you didn't scroll on your phone - is your stomach alright?" becomes " It's so inconsiderate of you that you didn't take your wallet with you when you were gone for that long. I could've also used the restroom in that time but now I had to look after our valuables instead. And you didn't tell me either that you'd be gone for so long before you went.".

There have been many conversations during which I thought we would solve the issue at hand in a pragmatic way without involving deeper emotions and meanings about who we are as partners, and left the conversation feeling like the world's worst girlfriend because he usually has to argue the emotional case first (and always has an emotional case, it seems), and my reactions and ways of discussion don't match with what he wants from me.

Just constant small to large accusations and his feelings at the center. And he does not see it that way at all - I've tried to broach that topic. He is instead proud of immediately bringing up issues he has with someone because he feels like he is being honest that way. I don't know if he truly understands that him making me feel bad for ever thing he feels uncomfortable with or doesn't agree 100% with, is wearing me down. The vast amount and emotional intensity about it is what makes it especially hard to deal with.

I can feel that I'm exhausted about this. I didn't communicate with him properly for the majority of our relationship because it always felt like I was getting into a boxing ring over the smallest issues when I didn't nod and align myself with him in some way, and I was tired of feeling like a bad person whenever I stood up for myself - whether that's because he turned it on me or because he wouldn't contain his own feelings when he felt ashamed or sad about something he did, and I had to comfort him.

And he just doesn't see it the same way even remotely.

How would you go about a communication difference like this? Did anyone experience something similar and has some words of wisdom about it? Am I not seeing something here? Is my communication style completely incompatible with his? Do I need to work on my empathy and compassion and understand here and focus on the emotions first all the time?

TLDR: My boyfriend seems to put a lot of emotions into every conversation we have, and feels constantly disappointed, dejected and frustrated over minor things. Even low stakes conversations often end with us having a tense conversation about how I could've reacted better and been a better communicator. I'm not sure how to handle this any longer.

This might be a long one but here we go. My partner(NB28) of two years and I(F30) have been fighting a lot lately. We have our moments here and there, but it’s been worse especially during the last month or so and there are a lot of external factors at play. I want to make things work, and I do believe that we can, but I kind of just want to see how this looks from the outside and maybe someone will have some helpful advice for how we can work through things.

Let me start by saying they are a wonderfully kind, considerate, and thoughtful person. They buy me flowers, they remember things I like, they make me coffee and breakfast in bed (they’re a chef), and too many other things to list here or this post would go on forever. They also had a very difficult childhood. I won’t say all the details here because that isn’t my story to tell but they have a lot of trauma and a strained relationship with most of their family. I have the opposite situation - my family is solid and supportive and would do anything for me.

We both have struggled/still struggle with mental illness. They have diagnosed bipolar disorder and so do I (though I question whether my diagnosis was true). I was also recently diagnosed with OCD. They are on two psychiatric medications and are stable and doing much better than before their diagnosis. I was diagnosed with epilepsy 6 years ago and have been on medication for that. That diagnosis and experience of having tonic-clonic seizures (about one per year, the most recent was 2 weeks ago) has really impacted my anxiety.

My partner has been really struggling with their mental health this last year and a half or so. Long story short, various life events triggered PTSD from their childhood and their self-esteem really plummeted. My anxiety affected my ability to support them - I would jump to conclusions about them and assume the worst which would hurt their feelings. BUT I worked at it and I was starting to improve by late February of this year. Then, one of my biggest fears came true. My father passed away suddenly in March. No warning signs, just dropped dead on the way to work. My world was SHATTERED and I’ve been struggling emotionally since then.

After that, my partner was totally supportive- spending extra time with me, cooking for my mom and I, etc. I went back to work the week after my dad passed and just pushed through the end of the school year even though it was really really hard. My partner always was there to comfort me and even encouraged me (and still does) to be honest about my feelings and let my tears out if I need to. They went back to work too but were always complaining to me about how tough their job is, how hard it is to go to work while they’re grieving, etc. It made me resent them a little bit because I was also struggling but I was pushing through. I did ask them to once in a while acknowledge that while yes, they also missed my dad a lot and were grieving, it does not compare to the pain I felt losing my father. They understood where I was coming from. They did share with me a little later on that they were still struggling a lot with their mental health and that made things a little more clear to me and I could see why they struggled so much. I think I’m still harboring some of this resentment and it’s making me get frustrated and angry with them a lot more than I ever used to. I also understand that that is totally on me and not their fault.

We’ve also not been intimate as often lately. Neither of us were really “in the mood” right after my dad passed because we were both just so sad all the time. Now, though, it’s not improving as quickly as it should and it’s mostly my issue now. I just haven’t had a strong libido lately. We haven’t been counting or anything but it’s been VERY infrequent. I really gotta solve that problem because it’s only my libido that isn’t back now. My partner is upset about it and so am I because I do miss it - I just can’t seem to get out of my head enough to find the desire. One issue though is that it’s affecting their self-esteem - they need to hear me say that I miss it more frequently and see me take action to do something about it because they feel worried that they aren’t as attractive. I want to take accountability and put in some effort on my end to try things to improve it.

This morning we had another fight about my general anger and coldness toward them in addition to their self-esteem issues and came to the conclusion that we both need to go back to therapy and work on ourselves. It started with them saying I need to work on myself but they also listened to me and gave me time to tell them that it goes both ways. They are exhausted from listening to me be angry and irritable and irrationally anxious all the time and I’m exhausted from hearing them complain about how hard their life is and how insecure they are.

We both believe we can make this work, and really want to. I also know logically I am responsible for a lot of these issues - while my dad’s passing has affected me severely, it is not my partner’s responsibility to sit there while I take out all my feelings on them.

TLDR; I have bad anxiety and OCD, my partner has self esteem issues and CPTSD, my dad died, and we’re both fighting a lot because I am harboring some lingering resentment toward them. How do I stop taking my anger out on them? Also, are my feelings of resentment totally out of left field?

EDIT: to fix my questions to be more specific

For context I (23M) suffer with Asperger's syndrome and I really struggle with understanding my own emotions. She suffers with NEAD and PTSD so she struggles with seizures and mental health problems. We have been together for 2 and a half years and we have lived together for 1 and a half years.

During that time she hasn't been able to work a lot or properly help with the finantial side of the relationship and I have had to look after her a hell of a lot because of her disability physically and mentally. Because of this we have an agreement that she does most of the house work since i work for us both. But recently I feel like I don't have the energy to look after her anymore or give her what is it she wants from me. Be that doing the cleaning because shes exhausted from a seizure or giving her the emotional comfort that she wants.

She recently noticed the change and brought it up with me. The TLDR from the converstion was that I don't know if I still love her or if I'd would rather not be in a relationship anymore and just be on my own. Because of my aspergers I really struggle to understand my emotions without looking at the logical reasonings behind how things should probably make me feel. I can't decide if i still love her because there are things that i would do for her if I did love her that i currently don't, or I do things that i feel like i wouldn't do if i did love her. If that makes sense? Its kinda the same with being together or not. I like having her there sometimes but i really like having time to myself and I don't think i have the energy for the things that come with a relationship.

She has told me that she still loves me but does't want to fight for something I'm not going to as well, which i completely agree with. We're on this break for me to figure things out on my end.

I just feel stuck with all these "do I, don't I?" thoughts and i don't know what to do because it's not that i don't care about her anymore and i have tried to change things to make it better for her. I don't know if i can be who she wants me to be but i also don't want to lose her and it's just sending me into a spiral

Our 6 month anniversary is coming up in November, which is by far the longest continuous relationship either of us have ever had. I love her so much and i know she does too. We’re at university together and honestly we really struggle not to just hangout all the time.

Now to my point. I feel a very strong emotional connection with her but we never really have those deep talks. The ones sitting on the side of the street at 2am. Or after a big argument when you really get into your feelings. Or lying in bed together telling eachother everything.

In past relationships girls have really gotten into that sort of thing and i have too, and i think its a missing piece in my relationship. We talk about getting married and our children and where we’d live etc etc but im yet to properly delve into her feelings, or her into mine. The closest we’ve been to it was writing letters to eachother when we were travelling and spent 7 weeks apart. But i still crave that talk where we just say anything and everything.

Recently she has casually mentioned past family relationship issues and told me a fair bit about how they have affected her growing up. I reciprocated but not to the extent she did. I feel like 6 months is a long time to go without properly talking about fears, worst memories, hardships, etc.
But now im unsure of how to approach it. Do i just start talking to her about myself one night? I don’t know.

Does anyone know a good way to get into this sort of chat, and, does anyone else find it a tad bit concerning what Ive talked about in this post?

TL;DR: my gf and i love eachother but we never talk about our deepest feelings which makes me sad because i love those sorts of talks

Hi all, I am just interested in approaches in how to deal with this situation.

My mother has a progressive disability, MS. If she doesn't die first from other causes, she will eventually lose motion in all of her body parts. This is pretty damn scary. She has had MS since she was 23, and by now she is at a point where she can't walk anymore by herself for longer than two or three metres. With clutches, she can, however, still move around our house relatively freely. Luckily, we live in a country with a strong welfare state, and my grandparents have lived frugally enough to save up enough money, so we are at least sure that we are financially secured. However, it still really sucks, and she does and will require a lot of care.

My issue in this is, however, not that she is sick and disabled. All challenges that arise from this are physical. If I need to help as a son, I am there. If I need to lift her, go shopping for her and make her food. No problem. We will talk and laugh. Both she and I seem to agree that there is no reason to make a shitty situation worse by worrying about it excessively.

My problem is with my father. He is extremely stressed, and I wouldn't even be entirely truthful if I said, '...about her situation.'Because he just about always is tense. We have a good relationship, but to be totally honest, I worry more about him then her. Because once he enters the room the mood shifts from "okay, this sucks, but we will deal with it" to "OMG THIS IS HORRIBLE; THIS IS GOING TO BE SO UNBEARABLY BAD". His tenseness spreads. We all get more nervous. All joy dissipates, and we all withdraw to our own rooms.

I have absolutely no clue how to deal with him. I keep asking him to take breaks, that I will fill the gaps. He doesn't. Whenever I tell him to please relax, he pulls out the argument that "your mother will eventually be wearing diapers and I will need to change them". Which is true. Which really sucks. But I don't see that as a reason that for the next thirty years we all need to be constantly ruminating and be in an extremely dark mood. Because I could reply "yes but eventually I will bury you, and I will get sick myself, and I will see friends die and loved ones hurt me, but that is no reason to feel bad about it right now because that would just drag all the joy out of living."

I see the options of arguing with him, pushing him to see a therapist and please finally take some breaks from care-taking and working a demanding job. Or of just trying to accept that he just will always radiate some kind of darkness and however sad I think that is, I might need to accept it as he is already old and likely won't change.

tldr: My mother has a disability. It really sucks, but what sucks more is how negative my dad is (about it). And I do not know if I should try to change him or just accept how he is.

I honestly don’t know where else to turn, so I’m writing this here because I really need some advice.
My girlfriend struggles with severe anxiety. She’s seeing a psychiatrist and currently takes Anafranil (clomipramine). Before starting medication, she used to cry almost every night because of her anxiety. Since starting treatment, some days are much better, but other days are still extremely difficult for her.
I love her so much, i know she is the one and I know she’s genuinely struggling. I don’t blame her for having anxiety, and I understand that what she’s going through isn’t something she can simply control.
But lately, I’ve been struggling too, and I feel like I have absolutely no space to express it.
Whenever something bothers me in our relationship, even something relatively small, I try to bring it up. Sometimes she responds defensively or snaps at me, which turns into an argument. Then she becomes extremely overwhelmed, starts crying uncontrollably, and sometimes has what I can only describe as an emotional breakdown.
At that point, whatever I was originally upset about completely disappears from the conversation.
Instead of talking about my feelings or resolving the issue, I immediately switch into trying to comfort her, calm her down, and make sure she’s okay.
And I genuinely want to be there for her. Seeing her in that state breaks my heart.
But here’s the problem: My feelings never get addressed.
After these episodes, she sometimes becomes completely unresponsive. I try talking to her, comforting her, asking what I can do, but she barely responds. I know she’s probably overwhelmed and feeling terrible, but the silence makes me feel like I’ve done something horribly wrong.
I start blaming myself for bringing up the issue in the first place.
And even after she eventually calms down, I can’t bring up what originally bothered me because I’m terrified of triggering another episode.
So the problem just stays unresolved.
This has happened so many times that I’ve started feeling like I’m not allowed to be upset in my own relationship.
I can’t be angry. I can’t express frustration. I can’t tell her when something hurts me without worrying that she’ll have another breakdown.
And it’s honestly exhausting.
The worst part is the internal conflict I’m constantly having with myself.
I keep telling myself:
“You’re overreacting.”
“Just let it go.”
“She’s already struggling. Don’t make things worse.”
“Stop being selfish.”
“Maybe you’re the problem.”
But then another part of me thinks, I’m a human being too. I have feelings too. I get hurt too.
And I don’t think wanting to express those feelings makes me a bad boyfriend.
I want to make something very clear: I don’t think she’s doing any of this intentionally. I don’t think she’s trying to manipulate me or make me feel guilty. I genuinely believe she’s overwhelmed by her emotions and doesn’t know how to handle them.
I also know I’m not perfect. Sometimes I get frustrated, and I’m sure there are things I could communicate better.
But I feel like I’ve become responsible for managing both her emotions and my own, while constantly suppressing mine to protect hers.
And I’m slowly becoming emotionally exhausted.
I don’t want to break up with her. That’s not why I’m writing this. I love her, I care deeply about her, and I want us to figure this out together.
I just don’t know how.
People often suggest having an honest conversation about your feelings, but that’s exactly what we’re struggling with. Even trying to explain how this situation affects me can lead to another emotional breakdown, and then we’re right back where we started.
I don’t want her to feel guilty about her mental health. I don’t want to make her anxiety worse. But I also don’t want to spend the rest of our relationship being afraid to communicate how I feel.
Has anyone been in a relationship where one partner’s anxiety or emotional reactions made it difficult for the other person to express their feelings?
How did you work through it?
How can I support her without completely neglecting my own emotional needs?
And most importantly, how can we learn to communicate and resolve conflicts when even small disagreements can become emotionally overwhelming?
I really want to make this relationship work. I’m just tired of feeling like I have to fight my own emotions every day.
Any genuine advice would mean a lot.

TL;DR: My girlfriend struggles with severe anxiety and often has emotional breakdowns during even minor disagreements. Whenever I try to express something that’s bothering me, the conversation turns into comforting her, and my own feelings never get addressed. I’ve started feeling guilty just for being upset, and I’m emotionally exhausted from constantly suppressing my emotions. I love her and don’t want to break up, but I don’t know how to communicate my needs without triggering another breakdown. I’m looking for advice on how we can work through this together.

so i’m literally in tears rn as im telling this story but basically im crying because me and my ex are in contact right now and we have been for 3 days. It all started by me following his tik tok account then i unfollowed in the night like 12am ish. 20 minutes after i did that he followed me and then texted me and said hi and we began to talk. The thing is he has been so consistent like he texts me in the morning or like when he does something but not in uni ( we both attend diff universities) he only texts me when he’s home which i get you’re busy focused on school but i feel so like thrown to the side which is like i know we aren’t together but why are u being so consistent and ur texting and being nice to me but im also crying because it feels like we aren’t talking a lot because if he’s not in uni hes studying which again is what we are all supposed to be focused on especially me but it’s like idk i make time for the ppl i care about and i guess im not on that list for him…. but he makes it seem so. Tonight he went to bed without telling me gn at all and i just feel so dumb like i really thought this was gonna be something more. Idk what to do i can’t live like this with him not commiting to me but i don’t want to lose him again. Basically we broke up because he told me he lost feelings for me ( he basically went back to his ex of something) . we were in no contact for 3 months and now he’s being so nice like he’s consistent but it’s still not enough. Idk why im crying liek why am i so freaking nervous . And if I dont reply he would seem like he cares and all of that uk?? He even complimented me and is being so sweet and like actually trying but i feel like its very not often its just rare consistency
tl;dr

I (23M) have lived with my gf(23F) since i was in second year and that was in 2022, sept, rn we’re in oct 2026 and I earlier told her that I wanna live alone and she got mad at me to the point she even stopped talking to me for some hours. I genuinely miss the way things were before when we were living separately, the visits were so cute and amazing…i mean I liked them. I could be so intentional in the things I did back then.
There was a time when I said i wanted to move out and live on my own, she became so furious and hit me, even threatened to crash my console and tv, claiming I’ve been wasting her time. Another time she hit me too when I told her that I wanted to live alone. All these times she always found a way to sweet talk me that made me choose not to leave.
She said she’d stop it and recently when I told her that i was tired and I really wanted to live alone, she didn’t hit me but just went silent for hours after shouting at me saying that i wanna go and fuck other girls out there despite me being loyal to her all these years we have been together.
The reason I wanna live alone is cause i just want some personal growth, I feel like I’ve not grown into who I am without anyone’s influence, she then started saying I need to move out as soon as possible despite her knowing that I dont have cash to move out atm. She knows very well if I were to move out, id ensure she is sorted with where she’s going to live.… yes we later talked and I calmed down and she asked me not to move out but I still feel like I want to. Idk what to do guys just help me out on this.
This then made me remember what she has always been telling me.. that she wouldnt wanna be with someone who theyve dated for long without getting married cause its like bringing shame to her. I Told her that I dont wanna get married till I’m atleast thirty….she then started getting mad at me saying I dont like her , I dont want her and im just wasting her time…I want a kid in future but from her perspective she doesn’t want one.
She is always comparing herself to my siblings, my mom..there was this time she asked me if my mum was in the hospital and she’s also in the hospital who would I go to? I told her my mom cause her mom can come to where she’s at. And mind you for the past two years whenever she needed someone to take her to the hospital I was always there taking care of her. Even in the wee hours of 2,3am i was there with her. Tbh It’s starting to feel more like we’re married when we’re just dating bro and I don’t like this dynamic. Cause ive tried explaining all these thin gs to her but it seems like she can’t understand any of them. Another issue is when I tell her we’re just dating and not married she starts saying that I mean she’s not that important to me, i don’t value her like she values me.

There was a time she wanted to see her ex who was a lady and I said its fine, she came to where we live and I left then she told me that her ex licked her p***y for like a few seconds before she made her stop. A year down the line, she calls this girl again now with me seated next to her, she starts flirting while I’m there, I didn’t throw any tantrums, I was just listening and wanted to see how thjngs will turn out without my influence.
Last night I found her wanting to call her other lady ex…when I confronted her ab it, she told me that she just wanted to hear her side of the story since her ex was saying that she’s the bad one…despite us making clear rules that we would never reach out to any of our exes…

Tl;dr

TL;DR: I (23M) have lived with my GF (23F) since 2022, but I genuinely miss having my own space and want to live alone for personal growth. Whenever I bring it up, she gets angry, accuses me of wanting other women, and has previously hit me and threatened to destroy my belongings. She also pressures me to marry before I’m ready (I want to wait until at least 30), while I want children someday and she doesn’t. She often compares herself to my family and makes me feel guilty for prioritizing them, despite me consistently being there for her, including during hospital visits. On top of that, she’s crossed boundaries with her exes, including flirting with one in front of me and wanting to contact another despite our agreement not to contact exes. I feel like our relationship has become more like a marriage than dating, and my need for independence isn’t being respected. I’ve tried explaining how I feel, but nothing seems to change. Am I wrong for wanting to move out, and is this relationship still worth fighting for?

Me (22M) and my gf (21F) are in our final year of university, and we have been together for almost 3 years. Things have been amazing during these years, we've never really clashed and we've had so much fun together. We've talking about our future, and we've always said that we will be with each other forever.

But recently things have changed, and it's a long story.

TLDR: after getting a glimpse of what working entails, she isn't sure if she sees me in her future especially next to her parents who she is very close to, and is acting distant and not very communicative which had never been the case before. She is scared of arguing and her mind is probably racing with so many anxious thoughts. What do I do to help?

She just finished an internship and realised what her future job would entail, and ever since then she's been acting distant and a lot more independent (not a problem at all when we're apart, but it is when she's doing it while we're together - things like letting me carry her bags, sharing a umbrella etc. that she used to do and were cute she never does anymore because 'she's independent' and 'her own person').

We had a conversation about our future after the internship and I started by saying 'I promise I will be with you forever no matter what, we just need to figure out how we're going to do that now that we have to consider our future properly'. We both want to live apart for a few years with family (1.5hrs away by train so very easy to see each other, especially as her future job will be closer to me than her family anyway) to save up money to buy a house together (we already have experienced living together), and that's never ever been a problem. We've always been very committed to this future. Until that conversation.

She told me about how she thinks our lives are too different, and about how she doesn't want to 'replace' her family with me, and now she's even considering living with her family forever. She's always been super close to them, and I have always said I would love to live near them and that's always been OK. Now it seems like that isn't OK enough for her. She even suggested she wouldn't want to meet up after work or spend weeknights at mine as she'd just want to go back to her family. I know it was probably a reaction to the stress of an internship, but it scared me and I told her I'm worried she'll 'move on' in the future because of this. We didn't resolve anything then.

We then couldn't talk about it for 2 weeks as we were on a family trip with her parents. When we moved in to our university hall of accommodation (where we're staying together in a couple room), we were able to.

On our first evening there, we talked about it again. It was less emotional this time, but she said she doesn't know if her future includes me anymore. I said I'm confident that mine does, and I trust her to figure things out. She said she doesn't know how she feels and can't talk about it now, so I agreed to wait.

But I couldn't just wait endlessly, so 2 weeks later I brought it up again and said we need to talk because I need to know where she stands on our future. This was the big conversation.

She said out of the blue that she 'thinks we might be better as friends', something I'd never even considered as a possible thing she'd say. She said it was because we kept getting on each other's nerves, especially because the place we are staying in is quite cramped. And it's made worse by the fact that I booked it for both of us on a tight deadline during her internship, at a time where she hadn't made a decision and couldn't in time for the deadline. I booked it instead of another place because I felt it would be better for both of us, but she wishes she was at the other place because it's more cramped here than we expected (we've both stayed at the other place before and it is nicer - but it involved us staying in separate gender double rooms). So she resents the room we're in, and she says she resents me a little for choosing to stay here. She said I 'pressured her' into saying yes to staying here while we were discussing it over call, but she never told me that as we were chatting and I never felt I was acting that way (in fact I thought I tried my best to make sure I didn't). I was just trying to share all the pros and cons of both places which I felt she hadn't considered.

So her frustrations, and the cramped place leading to us arguing more than we ever have before, meant she thought we would be 'better as friends'. She said she didn't want to 'change me' to fit what she wanted, and that wouldn't be fair on me. I said that's ridiculous, and all relationships go through bumpy stressful periods, but the important thing is how you get through them and that you get through them together, and you work on yourselves during that. She said 'I don't want to always feel like this', meaning frustrated with me, resentful and stressed. I said once we've solved this, we shouldn't be feeling this way forever. Once again, a relationship will always have bumpy patches and we're very lucky we haven't had one yet.

So we told each other what we both need, and I have been trying to improve upon my things. And we agreed to wait and see how we feel in a month or so.

Things were getting a bit better after, although we still weren't saying 'I want to be with you forever' etc. and it still wasn't like normal - mainly on her part. Everytime I try to act cute etc. is met with significantly less of a reply than before. I know it's because she processes things slowly and it takes her a while, but it's not easy for me, which she does know.

A couple days ago we had another discussion, this time initiated by me. It started over something tiny, and became a bigger issue. She didn't like something I was doing, I apologised and then she immediately shut off (she does this a lot after I apologise, I think it's just the way her brain works). So I apologised again because I thought something was still wrong, and she got frustrated that I'm apologising too much, but she didn't tell me that. So then I tried to do something nice to apologise (unnecessary I know, but I felt like I should) but she got even more angry at that and told me I just need to apologise once.

That bothered me, so I said that I don't want to apologise more than once, but I don't know what to do when she just closes herself off so much and feels so awkward anytime we have an apology, conversation or argument. I told her I need her to communicate better with me, especially now. I said I need us to be fully open and honest with each other now because of everything that is going on between us, and that is how we'll get through everything. I told her, and tried not to be rude in doing so, that being more honest maybe would have resulted in us staying at the other nicer place, and it would prevent future things from becoming bigger issues.

She told me 'I shouldn't have to ask' and that she doesn't think arguments between couples are healthy, and that she doesn't want to be arguing with me forever. I told her that's what it means to be in a serious long-term relationship. I told her I know she gets stressed when we argue, I know that she finds it hard to express her emotions, but I really need her to try. I want to do everything I can to help her with that, but I can't if she just shuts off entirely and waits for things to 'resolve themselves'. She says she understands and she will try. We had that conversation, we ended it, and hopefully things will get a bit better on that front now.

But the issue still remains that she is acting so differently towards me now as she did a few months ago before the internship. She doesn't snuggle as much (I know the bed we have is small, but still), she doesn't initiate sex almost ever now (she says it's because she doesn't want to be stressed before her period, which she was before - but it was never an issue then), she doesn't say I love you with as much love as before, and she just overall seems more distant. She has made jokes about how 'that's just the person she is' and she's 'independent' and doesn't like 'kissing in public' even if it's a small goodbye kiss - even though she did before. I want to bring this up to her, but I don't want to just keep making it seem like she's the problem. I also don't want her to think we're just constantly arguing. I love her more than everything, and I want this to work because I am so sure that it can. In my eyes our life ambitions are very similar, and our lives are very compatible. I look up to her so much and do genuinely trust her, but I know she's got so many thoughts racing through her mind right now about our future, her job, her family, the cramped place we're in etc. that it's making things very challenging for her. I've told her we need to 'work together' not 'against each other' and she agreed, but little has changed.

I don't want to lose her as she makes me so happy, but I don't know what to do or say to help get her back. I don't even know if there is anything I can do.

How should I approach this now?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years but I feel like I’m losing my love for her. The sex isn’t great and I haven’t been intimate with her in a while. I feel like sometimes it’s hard to talk with her. Like she’s on her phone a lot and she just sleeps all day when I want to do things with her. I feel like sometimes I find other women attractive but I would never cheat on her. I’m really lost and I care a lot about her but I’m not sure what to do, it keeps me up at night wondering if I should break things off. What do you guys think would be the best thing for me to do?

TLDR: I feel like I’m losing interest in my girlfriend.

I’m wondering if this relationship is worth continuing or if it’s over. Sorry this story is kinda long. For some backstory I 20F have been with my bf 26M for 3.5 years. We moved in together about a year and a half ago. Before moving in together we were long distance, but we did visit each other three times for at least a week. While we were long distance our intimate life was great. He made me feel beautiful and I was satisfied even with our distance. When we would visit we would have intimacy every day. Since moving in together that had pretty much died. We were living with my parents for the first couple months, so I understand that, but after moving to our own apartment it didn’t get better. I was the only one ever initiating, and he didn’t really give me a second glance when we should shower together or I’d be in a nice outfit. I have had multiple conversations with him about how important this part of a relationship is to me and I’m met with “well I don’t know why I don’t feel like it” and “I’ll try to do better” and then nothing changes. I have looked through his phone and I can’t find any evidence of cheating or anything like that, but I have caught him on two occasions watching porn. I really didn’t like this and it rubbed me the wrong way, but we worked through it and I let it go. I have not changed anything about my appearance since we have been together, and I have not gained or lost any weight. I really don’t know what the issue is or if he’s just not interested in me anymore. We had a pretty big fight in September about my issue with our intimacy and his stress with work and it almost ended in a breakup; this was the saddest I had felt in a long time I was devastated. He’s a great guy in every other aspect, he’s patient, kind, and always helps around the house. I really want to try and save this relationship, but I just don’t know what to do; any advice is very appreciated. So, should we try to make this relationship work?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years, but since moving in together, our intimate life has declined significantly. I’ve repeatedly explained that I feel unwanted and that intimacy is important to me, but although he says he’ll try to improve things, nothing changes. He’s also dealing with work stress, and we nearly broke up over this recently. I love him and want to make things work, but I don’t know how to address this when we can’t seem to make progress.

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Double Standards in my (34m) relationship are killing me. I’ve been with my fiancée (40f) for 6 years. One of the biggest issues in our relationship is accountability. She calls me out for things, and I defend my actions a lot. She’s the type to believe whatever she deems to be fact. And when I defend myself, I’m “not taking accountability.” Even when I say “yeah that’s my bad,” she’ll keep asking why I made said decision. I give my reasons, but she sees them as excuses and me not taking accountability.

How come every time the roles are reversed in the same scenarios, SOMEHOW her actions are “different” than mine or it’s the fault of someone else (usually me) somehow? I’ve asked her this and she always asks for examples. I have a big example of a life choice she made that she blamed on other people and factors, but I don’t want to throw it in her face or hurt her, so I don’t say anything about it. But I may have to.

Does anyone have a similar issue? And what are ways I can broach the subject for peaceful discourse? Because we usually argue (she has a temper…that she often blames me for *eye roll)

TL;DR!: My fiancée has double standards about accountability

Hi everyone. I'm looking for relationship advice because I'm in a difficult situation and don't have anyone I can comfortably talk to about it. I'm in my 20s, he's in his 40s, and we've been together for nine months.

He's a Muslim man who is already married and has children. When we started our relationship, he explained that his religion allows a man to have more than one wife under certain conditions. He told me he intended to marry me and eventually introduce me to his wife and family. His wife knew about our relationship and was okay with it initially.

However, things changed when she became pregnant. She started asking him to end our relationship and threatened to ask for a divorce if he didn't separate from me. Since then, he's been spending much less time with me, and we barely see each other.

I've tried to understand his situation because I know he has responsibilities toward his wife and children. I also come from a broken family, so I don't want to contribute to a situation that could hurt his children. I'm not blaming his religion or his family. I'm struggling with the difference between the future he told me we could have and what our relationship looks like now.

He keeps telling me that he cannot leave his family for me. I understand that, but I wish he hadn't given me so much hope if he wasn't sure he could follow through with his promises.

We're still talking and occasionally seeing each other. Sometimes, he even takes time off work to spend time with me. Those moments make it difficult for me to let go because I still love him, and he was my first in so many things.

I'm new to Dubai and don't have close friends here, so I've been keeping everything to myself. Part of me wants to hold on because of our feelings and memories, while another part of me knows that our current situation is hurting me.

I'm looking for advice from people who have experienced complicated relationships or have been in situations where they loved someone but couldn't have the future they expected.

How can I start detaching emotionally from someone I still love when we're still in contact and occasionally see each other?

How do I handle the uncertainty when he says he loves me but also says he cannot give me the future we discussed? Would taking a complete break from contact help me move forward, even if I'm not emotionally ready to let him go?

I'd appreciate practical advice on setting boundaries, dealing with the loneliness, and learning to move forward without feeling like all the memories we shared meant nothing.

I'm not looking to blame anyone. I genuinely want to understand how to handle this situation and make a decision that's healthier for me.

TL;DR: I'm in my 20s and have been in a relationship with a married man in his 40s for nine months. He initially promised me a future together, but after his wife became pregnant, he started spending less time with me and now says he cannot leave his family. We still talk and occasionally see each other, which makes it difficult for me to let go. I still love him, but I'm struggling with whether to keep holding on or go no-contact so I can heal. How do I detach emotionally and move forward when I'm not ready to let go?

Tl;Dr my boyfriends and I are on seperate pages do I wait or cut my losses.

So my boyfriend and I got together young I was 20 him 18 it’s been 5 years we have had plenty of ups and downs, but now I’m feeling like we’re not on the same page. I know there’s a small age gap less than 2 years however maybe that’s why hes not ready to grow up or maybe it just bc hes a man. He plays video games all the time he has a job however In all his free time he plays ps5 with his friends that live 2 hours away. It’s so bad that when my appendix ruptured and I needed emergency surgery he would make me wait to pee before he helped me out of bed bc he was in the middle of a game he couldn’t pause. He stayed up till 4 the night it ruptured and at 6 am I asked him to call an ambulance he refused n went to sleep. any time I want to talk about the seriousness of our relationship it’s like a parrot or talking to a wall. It’s either “it’s messed up I ignore you I’ll do better” or it’s “mhmm” hes said he doesn’t want to break up and has continuously gone back to treating me the same after fixing his behavior for a day or two. We used to live together bc I had no where to stay and I thought maybe we were too close and getting annoyed with eachother. I ended up moving out we’re still together but absence did not make his heart grow fonder. I still love him and I’ve also had my share of not being the best I used to yell a lot and have outbursts but I went to therapy and I’m a completely different person now him and his family agree. Hes not a man of many words and I pour my heart out into every conversation. Now the worst part. When we first got together I strongly did not want children he felt the same the only thing is I’m 25 and my maternal clock started ticking. He still doesn’t want kids, but also doesn’t want to break up. I offered to let him be a sperm donor to me instead of a traditional father hed only be responsible for giving sperm. I gave him 6 months to decide and it’s only been 2 months however he admitted he hasn’t thought about it much still. Should I take this as the hundredth sign to let the relationship go? It gets even worse tho bc I work at his house for his mom and I can’t imagine not being part of his family or his best friend. We make eachother laugh and find comfort in eachother but wouldn’t it be weird to be friends with my ex I still love. Is this relationship worth being in I know it probably sounds bad and obvious but my feelings and logic aren’t matching

My boyfriend (24M) and I (27F) have been dating for six months and officially together for three.
He’s a wonderful boyfriend in many ways. He’s physically affectionate, thoughtful, consistent, makes me dinner, and includes me in his life and family. I genuinely feel loved when we’re together.
However, he’s extremely reserved when it comes to verbal affection. He rarely spontaneously expresses how happy he is with me or how much I mean to him. We’ve discussed this several times, and he says he cares about me a lot and will try to express himself more.
I’m starting to fall in love with him, but the difference in how we express emotions makes me insecure. I sometimes worry that my feelings are developing faster than his, although he says we’re continuing to grow closer.
I don’t want to pressure him to say “I love you” before he’s ready, but I also don’t want to feel like I constantly have to ask for emotional reassurance.
How can I distinguish between a communication difference we can work through and a genuine emotional compatibility issue? How can I approach this without making him feel pressured?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, and I’m falling in love, but he’s not verbally affectionate. Despite discussing my needs, I struggle to know whether our feelings are progressing at the same pace. How do I navigate this difference without pressuring him?