My dad used to be the calmest man I knew. After he went blind, he became someone I can't live around.

I (26M) grew up in a low-income family in a third world country. He was quiet and patient, never raised his voice, and I always felt his love. He developed a serious eye condition in his 30s, which is very rare at that age. It hit him hard, but he kept going, his business took off, and he paid for me to study abroad in Australia at 19. I stayed there for five years without coming home, just calls here and there. In my first year there, he went completely blind.

When I came home at 24, he was a different person. He's angry and bitter, yells constantly, and fights with my mom daily. He tells her she's "not enough." Once he told her that if he could turn back time, he'd choose to stay single and not have her or me, because he isn't happy. He gets furious if she or I go out anywhere. He trash-talks us and our employees, and he once joked in front of my staff that he'd snap their necks if they messed up. He rewrites past events so that my mom and I are always the ones who were wrong, and I no longer trust his version of anything.

Money is a big part of it. My mom and I live comfortably but modestly in a farmhouse in a quiet rural area, while my dad pays for my uncles' luxury lifestyles: big houses, nice cars, designer bags, all funded by him. Yet he's furious if my mom spends even a few hundred dollars, and he gets angry at me for spending my own money on my own things.

It's also reached my personal life. He told my mom, who then told me, that he doesn't understand why I'd stay with my girlfriend since she's "poor." Her family's income has never mattered to me. He has also told me to pretend I'm single so I can get close to women's families and pick up business opportunities. I told my mom that was crazy.

I came back partly to start a business, and he loaned me some money as startup capital, so he's a minority shareholder. He has his own, much bigger business, yet he constantly accuses me and my employees of stealing from him. Every failure is my fault and every success is his, even though he does nothing day to day.

For context, he also has other health problems and is under a lot of stress from his own business. I suggested through my mom that he see a psychiatrist, but she's too afraid to bring it up with him, and he doesn't believe in doctors.

My business brings in about $27k a month net profit for me after tax on average, and almost everyone I've talked to says I'd be crazy to walk away from that and should just tough it out. But I can't live and work around him anymore, and my mental health is in bad shape. Soon I'm leaving it all behind to restart from zero in Australia. My mom supports my decision, but I feel guilty leaving her alone in this situation. And honestly, what I've written here isn't even half of it.

What I'm asking:

1. Does a change this sharp sound like grief or depression after sudden vision loss, or just who he's become? Would his other health problems and stress explain part of it? Would that change how I handle it?
2. Is walking away from my business a good decision for my mental health?
3. My mom wants me to go, but I feel terrible leaving her with him. How do I leave without abandoning her, and how do I support her from abroad?

TL;DR: My dad went from gentle to angry, controlling and paranoid after losing his sight. He's told my mom he wishes he'd never had a family, and he judges my girlfriend for being poor. I'm leaving a business that nets me ~$27k/month, where he's a shareholder, to protect my mental health. My mom supports it, but I feel guilty leaving her behind. Am I doing the right thing?

Hey yall!! Been a little over a year since my post. I deleted it a year ago as well as other sorts of media to just focus on me and not worry about anything else. I’ll likely link to my old deleted post if anyone is interested in reading the comments and whatnot.

For a short recap for those that don’t know. I was engaged to my best friend and partner of 6 years. Last year I was sent on active orders and thought I was leaving home and postponing our engagement plans. Little did I know at the time my ex would break off our engagement over the phone 2 weeks into my activation. She said we were incompatible and would just make each other miserable. That “…we deserved to be loved by someone more capable of loving us in the way we need most”. I was very lost and confused and couldn’t do shit since I was far from home. So I had to suck it up and accept that her leaving was a thing. Months later I’d finally come home and randomly found out that she started dating her coworker about a week after breaking off our engagement. She’d hid it from both our families and from all our friends. I was pretty low at the time, and sent a post on here wondering what I did wrong as I couldn’t wrap my head around any of it. I felt so very numb and lost, wondering how my best friend could do this to me. Eventually I just locked in and just stopped focusing on her. Went into therapy, focused on gym, went to church and Bible study group, went traveling around Europe with some good mates for a month, and bought myself a 2004 Harley Davidson fatboy to start riding with my brother in law who has a road king.

So yeah a years gone by, I got my ring back from her father who was very embarrassed and disappointed by everything. Got into a relationship recently but it wasn’t a good fit for her or I. (Actually she ended up ghosting me). And have been pretty content doing things on my own. Gonna be going to east asia with my uncles next month on a cruise and looking forward to more travels outside the country and more. Thinking about getting more tattoos and maybe another doggo.

TLDR - ex fiancé left me, got ring back from her father, replaced her with God, a motorcycle and doggo. Looking forward to life and more trips. God bless those who’ve read everything

My husband (38M) and I (35F) have been married 10 years (together a total of 15), we both have corporate jobs. My husband wants to leave his job eventually and work for himself. He has a business that he has been working on the last 4 years, has spent well over $20k, and has gotten 4or 5 sales with a profit of maybeeeee $3k.
He’s constantly asking me for my ideas and feedback and it’s all he talks about. It gotten to the point where I have to tell him “I need a day of no business talk”. This is not our business, but his, and not one that I would have recommend he go into due to the time it takes to make the product, the cost, and the logistics of product delivery. He also have a young toddler and hoping to have a second, but he spend a significant amount of time “away” working on the business. So much so that it has impacted his relationship with our toddler.

My ask is how can I be supportive but also I don’t want to be a thought partner or business part in his endeavor?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. Our relationship is overall very good other than a few issues surrounding our sex life (mainly that my sex drive is higher than his) We were doing some research for a business plan that we had and at one point we went on chatgpt to find some information about a specific product. When my boyfriend pulled up the page I saw in his chagpt recent history a heading that said “sexual attraction and identity” obviously as a gf that immediately set something off in my mind and I became self conscious that it was about me and his attraction towards me.

I tried to brush it off but the curiosity and anxiety got the best of me and I ended up going back and actually opening the chat. Basically my bf was saying that he watches a lot of gay porn but doesn’t feel romantically attracted to men and only sees himself with women. he went on to question what that meant about his sexual identity and also if he should explore that. My question is do you think we can still have a strong relationship if that’s the case? I don’t really care if he is bi or whatever but it’s more so I don’t know how this impacts the relationship. He also mentioned in that chat how much he loves me etc. tl;dr

Last week, my wife told me she that she regrets getting married so young (we’ve been married for 3 years), and that she isn’t sure if she still loves me. A few days later she said she does love me and wants to try to make things work.

Since this has happened I’ve felt my own romantic feelings for her fade, I’m not sure if I’m just hurt and trying to protect myself or if they’re actually just gone. I’ve made an effort to have long conversations and ask her on a date, but haven’t felt any sort of effort on her end. She told me that she had been hiding her true feelings for a few months now.

Everything is so fresh, I feel like I should wait it out and give her time. But I also just want to go. I also can’t shake the feeling that there’s another man involved, but I also can’t prove it.

I can’t decide how long I should wait, when my gut tells me to just go.

TLDR: married 3 years, wife isn’t sure if she still loves me, wanted to leave then came back. I’m not sure if I should wait or just go.

My boyfriend (M41) and I (F37) have been together over 3 years. But somehow he still gets insanely jealous if a guy asks for my number (even though I always shut any flirting down) or even talks to me at all. If a guy literally says “hi how are you?” To me, my boyfriend will be mad at me for the rest of the day and we have to have hours long conversations about how it makes him feel. I love him and I don’t give any other guy’s any idea that I’m open but he is so exhausting sometimes. What do I do to convince him he doesn’t have anything to worry about?

Edit to add: I feel like he’s getting all the hate in the comments which isn’t fair since I didn’t tell the entire story of why he is the way he is- when we first met I did not want a relationship (was freshly divorced) but he rushed me into committing to him. I cheated on him, only in the first few months of dating him. I have been 100% loyal the last 2 1/2 years but the cheating in the beginning has caused major trust issues for him.

TL;DR how to deal with overly jealous boyfriend who doesn’t trust me no matter what

TLDR My boyfriend of 6 years has a very traumatic childhood upbringing and has adopted some very extreme, violent coping mechanisms in the process. Is there any way to address this other than professional medical help?

When he feels out of control— upset about compounding mishaps, things not going his way, embarrassed by his behavior, feeling uncomfortable or overwhelming emotions that he does not know how to process— he punches himself in the face in front of me, makes violent/graphic suicidal claims (“I want to shoot myself in the bloodiest way possible and make you watch”), and will destroy things around him. He never actually does anything, and we chalk it up to this just being his unconventional way of coping in these moments because that’s what he’s “used to”. I believe he’s referring to watching the dynamic between his mom, bio dad, and now stepdad.

This has happened on at least 5 occasions in the past 2 years. I keep saying that there won’t be a next time, but the behavior continues and I now find myself responsible for his emotional and physical wellbeing. If I leave, what if he spirals? If I call 911 or a crisis responder when he makes these suicidal claims, is he going to blame ME for what ensues afterwards or actually hurt himself instead of being forced to check into the ER?

He does not participate in therapy. I cannot keep subjecting myself to this, but I’m still trying to lead him to help. I have tried to recommend seeing a mental health PROFESSIONAL (psychiatrist or at least his doctor), but he thinks he’s working on it by going hunting/fishing and doing self reflection. Talking to his coworkers or buddies. Reddit, do you think these people would actually hold himself accountable for his behavior? I want him to see a doctor to get him stabilized and I don’t think what he’s doing now is good enough to get him there. It obviously hasn’t helped the past two years, and as a defeated partner, I am losing my sense of belief in him too.

Is there any other answer to this than seeing a doctor?

TL;DR: Best friend of over 16 Years / GF of 3 Years survived a 4-year relationship with an NPD abuser. For the last 2.5 years, she has isolated herself, talked down to me, and accused me of having ulterior motives whenever I try to help. She doesn't want to break up, and I want to stay and support her. Are these normal trauma responses, and how do I navigate them better?

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My girlfriend (31F) and I (29M) have been best friends for over 16 years, since we were teenagers. Saying I know her well is an understatement.

Before we started dating, she was in a 4-year abusive relationship with a textbook narcissist (NPD). I helped her get out of that situation. I pointed out his manipulation tactics, taught her about the cycle of abuse, and helped her trust her own sanity again after he broke her down. Afterward, I stayed with her at her parents' house every day for over six months just to help her function.

During that recovery period, we grew attached to each other and started dating (3 years ago). I knew attaching during a crisis carried risks, but because we had been best friends for over a decade, I thought we had a solid enough foundation to make it work.

Shortly after, we moved to her dream state to start a fresh life. Within six months of moving in together, she lost the ability to do things she used to handle easily and began isolating all day, every day. She is an engineer and has always been fiercely independent, and we both envision a 50/50 partnership long-term. However, I understand what severe trauma does to the brain. I have zero issue stepping up for however many years it takes for her to reclaim who she was. Early on, I worked nonstop to cover our bills, found her a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery, and even convinced her parents to move out here so she would have a stronger support system (her family now financially supports her and recently bought us a house).

What I am struggling with is how she has treated me for the last 2.5 years:

Constant suspicion: Whenever I offer to do something for her, she swears up and down that I have an unstated, selfish ulterior motive. She cannot believe someone would go out of their way for her without expecting a payout.

Talking down to me: She is genuinely one of the nicest people I have ever met, and we both have AuDHD. Because of that, I am extremely careful never to judge her or speak condescendingly to her. Lately, however, she acts deeply judgmental toward everything I do and talks down to me constantly.

Refusing help & future planning: She refuses to let me help her because she views accepting help as "weakness" and insists on doing everything alone. She also refuses to set shared goals with me.

Zero intimacy: We haven't had sex in 2 years. Given the severe sexual trauma from her ex, I genuinely do not mind waiting as long as she needs to heal, though I'm including it for full context of how withdrawn she is.

Because her family bought our current house and supports her financially, I have no leverage trapping her here—I have explicitly offered to leave peacefully if she no longer wants to be with me. She insists she wants me to stay.

I am not looking for people to tell me to dump her. I love my Best Friend/GF and want to see this through. What I want to know is:

1. Are these behaviors (the paranoia about motives, the condescension, the extreme hyper-independence) normal symptoms for someone recovering from narcissistic abuse?

2. How can I respond to these behaviors in the moment so I can be a better partner without enabling her to treat me poorly?

My (32F) boyfriend (34M) is having a family crisis where his mom is not doing so well since the beginning of this year. We started talking since July and have made it official in September.

I don’t know if I’m being selfish, but I keep having to drive the relationship - ask him when we can meet, ask for more consistent communication (he would sometimes disappear Fri-Sat) and suggest all other ways to see each other, but he claims his family crisis is weighing him down.

He says he’s spread so thin, yet he’s hanging out with his friends every other weekend, and he hasn’t introduced me yet.

The other day I was feeling so lonely due to only being able to see him twice a month, so I asked if we could meet the following week again.

He said he might have a plan to visit his mom and then his friends, so I asked if he can let me know if we could meet after since I was seeing my friends only 10 min away from his place (we live an hour drive apart). He said he will let me know.

6pm rolls around and when I messaged him, he said they were finishing up, but an hour later, he said that they sat at a bar and that he won’t make it back in time.

I know he didn’t mean to, but that honestly hurt me because here I am trying to find ways to see him yet he’s fine just hanging out with his friends and not asking to see me more.

He claims that he’s spread thin, but if that’s true, why is he spending most of his time with his friends? He could also have included me so that we could still spend time together while he sees his friends

I told him about that and he apologized, but said he’s so burnt out and apathetic with his family struggles and can only see me twice a month, which I don’t think is a relationship at all.

So I broke up with him, but I feel like I was being mean and unsupportive?

TLDR boyfriend only has time to see me twice a month

I might be overreacting or maybe too sensitive, but whatever, today I was chatting with the bf, and I was talking about how I had to do some field research for a class, and I am not a very outdoorsy person. I've had a very deep interest in fashion for a very long time, and he knew that when we got together because it is a big part of who I am as a person, but back to the chat, he was teasing me about not wanting to do that, and I was saying, "Oh, if it was Dsquared Research or Alexander McQueen Research, I would be all ears," but then he did the coughing thing and said, "Larper," which hurt my feelings a lot, as someone who has had a deep interest in these things for quite a long time, and I feel like he is trying to invalidate the things Ive enjoyed since I was 14. He tried to save face later by saying that those where very larpy things and he does this a lot with the things I like that doesnt see as "cool". What should I do as a young woman still studying?

tl;dr bf hurt my feelings a bit what should i do as it its a recurring issue

I 17M and my gf F16 were hanging out cuddling when all the sudden she went off the bed and laid down on the floor.

I tried asking what’s wrong and she just ignored me, I asked if she was okay and she ignored me. I went down and gave her a hug but she didn’t respond so I got back in bed

Right now she’s just sitting there doing nothing and not responding.

This happens like every month an it is very concerning and frustrating some times.

Does anyone know what do do in this situation or what I can do to help?

TLDR; my gf is being non verbal and I don’t know how to respond

I don’t really know why I’m writing this, but I guess I just want to get some things off my chest and maybe see if anyone else feels the same way.

I’m 19 years old, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I want to be in a relationship.

It’s not that I hate being single. I have friends, a job I enjoy, and things I’m looking forward to in life. I’m working as an apprentice electrician on a ship, which means I’m away from home for weeks at a time.

But sometimes I just feel like something is missing.
I don’t want a girlfriend just for the sake of saying I have one. I genuinely want to fall in love with someone. I want that person I can talk to about absolutely anything, someone I can laugh with over the stupidest things, someone I can surprise with flowers or take on random little dates.

I want to experience all those small things that probably seem ordinary to people who are already in relationships. Falling asleep together, watching movies, cooking dinner, going on adventures, or just enjoying each other’s company without having to do anything special.
I think what I want most is to have someone who chooses me the same way I choose them.

I’m a pretty caring person, and when I like someone, I tend to put a lot of effort into getting to know them. Unfortunately, things haven’t really worked out for me romantically so far. Sometimes I meet someone I genuinely connect with, get excited about where things might go, and then it just doesn’t work out.

And I know I’m only 19. I know I have plenty of time to meet someone, and I’m not expecting to find the love of my life tomorrow.

But knowing that doesn’t really make the feeling go away.
I see couples doing things together, and I can’t help thinking about how nice it would be to have that. Not because I’m jealous of them, but because I want to experience it myself.

One of my biggest dreams in life is honestly pretty simple. I want to build a good life, become financially stable, find an amazing woman to marry someday, and hopefully have a family.

I just wish I knew when I’d finally meet someone who feels the same way about me.

TL;DR:I’m 19M, and even though I’m happy with most parts of my life, I really want to experience being in love. I want someone to share the little moments with, build a future with, and genuinely care for. Dating hasn’t worked out for me so far, and while I know I’m young and have plenty of time, I can’t help wishing I’d finally find my person.

Hi! My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) have been together for almost 3 months. We’ve been long-distance for 2 months, but he flew out to visit me about a month ago, and he's actually coming to see me again in a week. 

Lately he’s been struggling a lot with his mental health. He’s been feeling like a failure because he’s not in college and doesn't know what he wants to do with his life after high school. “I didn't think I would make it this far”. I understand those feelings. I'm currently in college, and I've struggled with being unhappy with what I'm doing, but I've been actively working on it and trying to make things better. 

The problem is that our nightly phone calls have been increasingly turning into him spiraling. He starts hyperventilating, shutting down, and trying to push me away. At least once that I know of, he's been close to hurting himself. The other night I was talking him out of hurting himself. 

He frequently says things like, “I should just let you go,” or “It’s okay, you don't need to worry,” and tries to get me off the phone because he feels bad about having me worried. I’ve started trying not to show how worried I am because it seems to be making things worse when he hears how upset I am. But I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it without making his situation worse. 

He refuses to see a therapist. He’s said before that he doesn't trust therapists, but I don't know if there's a specific reason or if he’s just scared to admit he needs help. I know I can't keep being his therapist, but I feel like I'm being put in that position anyway. I'm already struggling with adjusting to college, being in a new place, and meeting new people. I’m scared that constantly trying to manage his mental health is going to make my mental health deteriorate. 

I also feel trapped because I don't know who I can talk to about this. He’s told me about a previous experience where he opened up to someone about his mental health, and that person used it against him and threatened to tell other people. I don't want to betray his trust or make him feel worse. 

What's especially confusing to me is what happens after these episodes. Once he's calmed down enough to be coherent, he’ll say things like "I'm sorry I put you through all that for nothing," "I'll never do it again," or "I'll never bother you again." But then it happens again the next night. Sometimes he'll say things like, "My poor baby. I'm so sorry," and I can't help feeling like the focus is being shifted onto me and how much he's hurt me instead of addressing what's happening.

But then again, he doesn't seem willing to accept comfort from me. I’ll try to reassure him that he matters and that things can get better, but sometimes he’ll literally take his headphones off so he doesn't have to listen to me. I end up pleading with him to talk to me and to listen to me and to let me help him. It hurts because I want to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. Sometimes I want to shut down and pull away too, but I don't because I feel like I need to be there for him. 

There have also been situations where I feel like he's pressuring me about my future. I’ve set myself up to potentially graduate college early, but I don't feel like I need to rush, I don't want to rush. I’m still figuring out what I want to do with my life, and I don't want to choose a degree or overload myself with classes just to finish as quickly as possible. When I've mentioned that I might need all four years to graduate, he's responded with things like, "Nooo, what about me?" and said he doesn't know if he can wait four years. And that really sets me off. I don't feel like I'm being supported in doing what **I** want to do. 

I've also told him that I want to finish college before getting married and that I think couples should date for a number of years before getting married. He's seemed to agree, but he's also sent me social media posts about wanting "his last name on a degree." Honestly, that bothers me. I want my own last name on my degree. I'm the one earning it, and I'm proud of that. I don't want to feel like my accomplishments have to be tied to a future husband's name, its my achievement, not his. 

At this point, I'm hesitant to tell him about the things I'm considering doing in college because I'm worried he'll pressure me to finish sooner or make me feel like I'm not prioritizing him. I want to be able to make decisions about my own education without feeling guilty for potentially taking longer than he wants me to.

I also feel like I'm constantly being made to prove that I care about him. He's said before that he thinks I don't care because I don't ask to call him very often. But he's also almost always busy with family, traveling, or spending time with friends. I don't want to interrupt the time he's already set aside for other people. When I ask if he can call and he can't, I feel stupid for asking, like I should have known he was busy. But when he chooses to step away from other people to call me, I feel guilty for pulling him away from them. Either way, I end up feeling like I've done something wrong.

I'm starting to question whether this relationship is healthy for me. I love him so much, and that's part of what makes this so difficult. I've spent years single, figuring out what I wanted in a partner and what kinds of relationships I didn't want to end up in. I was genuinely happy when I finally found someone I felt I could trust. Now I'm scared that I might have made the wrong choice, and I'm terrified of going back to being alone.

But I also know I can't keep doing this. I can't keep spending my nights trying to talk him through these episodes when he won't listen to me or accept help. I have a breaking point, too, and I'm scared of reaching it. At the same time, I'm terrified that if I tell him I can't keep doing this, he'll hurt himself and I'll feel responsible.

I sometimes even question whether his threats to hurt himself are becoming a way of proving that I care about him. I hate thinking that because I don't want to believe he's intentionally manipulating me. But when he tells me he feels like I don't care, I feel completely broken. If I didn't care, would I be spending hours trying to help him? Would I be trying so hard to find solutions? I genuinely don't know how to handle this anymore.

Our conversations can feel like a lose-lose situation. For example:

Him: "I just wanna be done."

Me: "You're going to get through this."

Him: "We'll see."

Me: "No. No 'we'll see.' You're going to get through this."

Or:

Him: "Stop trying. Stop. Just stop."

Me: "Why?"

Him: "It makes me feel like I'm using you."

I don't know what I'm supposed to do in those situations. If I try to help, he gets upset and feels guilty. If I stop trying, I worry that he'll feel abandoned or think I don't care. I feel like I'm responsible for keeping him okay, but nothing I do seems to be enough.

I know I've handled my own mental health differently. When I was really struggling, I eventually realized that I needed to take action to get better, and I've continued working on myself to avoid falling back into that place. Sometimes I wonder if seeing me make progress makes him feel worse about his own situation. I don't want him to compare himself to me, but I also don't think I should have to stop working on myself because he's struggling.

I'm beginning to wonder whether he's looking for support or whether he's starting to rely on these episodes to get reassurance from me. I don't want to accuse him of attention-seeking when I know he's genuinely struggling, but it's becoming harder to tell the difference between him needing help and a dynamic that's hurting both of us.

I have my own first therapy appointment scheduled for early November, but I honestly don't know if I can keep going like this until then. He's coming to visit me in a week, and I don't know whether I should be looking forward to that or worrying about what things will be like in person.

I'm not necessarily looking for advice on how to fix his mental health. I know that's something he ultimately needs to work on himself, and I can't do it for him. I'm looking for advice about the relationship itself.

Am I overthinking this because he's struggling, or are these signs of emotional manipulation? How do I set boundaries without feeling like I'm abandoning him? Is this relationship something I should keep trying to work on, or is it healthier to walk away before I completely burn myself out?

I love him, and I don't want to give up on him just because he's going through a difficult time. But I also don't want to lose myself trying to save someone who isn't willing to help himself.

TL;DR: My (18F) long-distance boyfriend (18M) and I have been together for almost two months. He's been struggling with his mental health, and our nightly calls have turned into episodes where he spirals, sometimes threatens to hurt himself, and pushes away my attempts to help. He refuses therapy, and I feel like I'm becoming responsible for keeping him okay at the expense of my own mental health. He's also made comments that make me feel pressured to rush college and our future together. I love him, but I'm starting to wonder whether this is emotional manipulation or an unhealthy relationship dynamic. How do I set boundaries, and should I stay in this relationship?

Sorry this is a long one…

My boyfriend (24M, turning 25 soon) and I (22F, turning 23 soon) have been together for almost 3 years. For the first 6 months or so, we lived about 15 minutes apart because he was attending school in my area. After he graduated, he moved back to his hometown, and I still reside where I’m currently in school and plan to attend grad school.
We’ve been doing this medium-distance relationship for about 2.5 years now. We live roughly 1.5–2 hours apart, depending on traffic, so we usually see each other once a week. Sometimes we go two weeks without seeing each other because our schedules don’t line up. Since I can’t stay overnight at his place (i still live w my parents and its their rule), visits usually involve driving there and back on the same day, which can be exhausting. Between gas, mileage, work, school, and coordinating our schedules, it’s difficult to see each other more frequently, even though we’re technically close enough to drive to each other. (We alternate weekly for who drives to who).
The relationship itself is good. He treats me very well, like REALLY well for me to even do this much, I’m happy with him, and I love him. I have no major complaints about how he treats me as a boyfriend. We both want to get married eventually and have talked about our future together.
The issue is that he doesn’t really know what he wants to do career-wise yet. He currently works at a fine dining restaurant and is saving money while figuring out his next steps.

Neither of us particularly wants to live in his hometown long term, and it would make more sense for us to eventually live in or around my area, especially since I’m staying here for school and plan to attend grad school.
However, until he figures out his career, it’s difficult to know where he’ll work, when he could move, or when we’ll finally be able to close the distance. There isn’t a timeline or a concrete plan right now.
We’ve talked about his career and our future quite a bit, so I don’t want to keep pressuring him to figure everything out immediately. I understand that he’s still young and that choosing a career is a big decision. At the same time, I’m starting to feel really anxious and exhausted by the uncertainty.
The distance has honestly been wearing me down. I miss being able to do ordinary things together, like getting coffee, going on spontaneous dates, or seeing each other after school or work without having to plan an entire day around driving. I also worry about the long drives, especially when we’re tired, and the financial and logistical strain of doing this week after week.
I know some people have it much harder with long-distance relationships, but this is still difficult for us. I’m grateful that we can see each other weekly, but I’m also realizing that I don’t want to continue living this way indefinitely.

My boyfriend seems much more comfortable taking things as they come. His mindset is essentially that we’ll eventually get married and spend our lives together, so this period of distance is temporary. I try to think that way, too, but I’m someone who needs more direction and a general idea of what we’re working toward.
I don’t need him to have his entire life figured out at 24/25, and I don’t expect him to move out immediately without considering his finances or career. I just wish he had more of a plan, or at least some concrete steps toward figuring things out. Even knowing that he was working toward moving closer within a couple of years would make me feel much more secure.
I’ve told him that I don’t want us to still be in this situation five years from now. I love him and don’t want to break up over the distance, but I’m also scared that I’ll eventually reach a breaking point if nothing changes. Sometimes I feel guilty for being so unhappy with the situation because he treats me well and neither of us intentionally chose these circumstances.
**My questions are:**
Am I expecting too much from someone who’s 24/25 by wanting more direction regarding his career and our future, or is it reasonable to expect us to start making a plan after almost three years together?
Would you be concerned if your partner talked about marriage and a future together but didn’t take much initiative in figuring out the practical steps to get there?
How long would you be willing to stay in a relationship with no clear timeline for closing the distance?
For anyone who’s been in a similar situation, how did you balance being patient with your partner while also making sure your own needs and future weren’t put on hold?
I’m not looking for people to automatically tell me to break up with him. I love him, and our relationship is good in many ways. I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether this is a normal period of uncertainty that I should give more time, or whether I need to take the lack of direction more seriously.

TL;DR
TL;DR: My (22F) boyfriend (24M) and I have been together almost 3 years, with the last 2.5 years spent in a medium-distance relationship (1.5–2 hours apart). Our relationship is good, and we both want to get married eventually, but he doesn’t know what he wants to do career-wise, so we have no timeline for closing the distance. I’m exhausted by the driving and uncertainty, and while I don’t want to pressure him to figure everything out immediately, I’m worried about waiting years without a concrete plan. Am I expecting too much by wanting more direction, and how long would you wait in this situation?

My girlfriend [21F] and I [21M] have been together for a year. We live in the same country, but we come from very different cultural backgrounds.

Yesterday, she brought up nationwide political protests involving vandalism. I was exhausted from work and declined to debate it, making a tired face.

She gave me the silent treatment for hours, then sent a text accusing me of condoning vandalism and "taking this country for granted" based purely on my expression. When I clarified that I was just tired and don't support vandalism, she argued with me, nitpicked my tone, and then dropped this bomb:

"You keep on forgetting that everything that I have grown up seeing and hearing and experiencing, I still decided to be with you because I genuinely think people shouldn't be cornered out based on what a group of people might be doing... I am the only person in your life that tries to save your face to make people in my life see what I see in you."

I felt sick to my stomach. She essentially said she’s doing me a charity by "looking past" my demographic, and revealed that her family/friends look down on me and she has to "save face" for me. When I told her how hurtful that was, she doubled down and said it’s genuinely how she feels.

We are supposed to talk in person tomorrow.

• How do I confront her about this without letting her deflect or turn it into another defensive argument?
• Is this kind of underlying prejudice and resentment something a relationship can actually survive?

TL;DR: GF [21F] got mad over a political disagreement and texted that she overlooks negative stereotypes about my [21M] culture to date me, and that she has to "save face" for me with her family. How do I address this in person tomorrow?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been dating since August 22, 2024, and moved in together in March 2026. He’s always been stingy with money, but when we first started dating, he would pay for an Airbnb just to spend time with me, even if we only stayed for an hour or two. Now that we live together, we rarely have sex unless it’s planned or I beg for it. He says he’s stressed about money and that things have changed since moving out, which I understand, but I miss feeling wanted and desired without having to ask for it. It’s not about spending money; it’s about the effort, intimacy, and affection that seem to have disappeared since we moved in together.

For context, my boyfriend and I have been together since August 22, 2024, and we moved out and started living together in March of this year. He has always been a little stingy when it comes to money, but I feel like there has been a noticeable change in our relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy.
This might be TMI, but we had sex on our very first date. I know some people might judge that or assume certain things about me because of it, but honestly, that’s not the point. What matters to me is that, from the very beginning of our relationship, he made an effort to spend time with me and be intimate with me. On our first date, he even paid for an Airbnb for the night, despite the fact that we only ended up staying there for an hour or two. He continued doing things like that throughout our relationship, even up until we moved in together.
Now that we live together, though, things feel completely different. We rarely have sex spontaneously anymore, and it seems like intimacy has to be planned out or something I have to beg for. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly asking my own boyfriend to want me or that I have to convince him to be intimate with me. I want to feel desired, pursued, and loved without having to ask for those things all the time.
He tells me that he’s stressed about money and that things have changed now that we’ve moved out and have more responsibilities. I understand that living together comes with bills, financial pressure, and a lot more to think about, and I’m not trying to dismiss what he’s going through. I know our circumstances are different now than they were when we first started dating. However, I can’t help but wonder why the effort and intimacy that were once so natural between us now feel like something I have to ask for.
I’m not expecting him to spend money on an Airbnb or take me somewhere expensive just to be intimate with me. That’s not what this is about. It’s about the difference in effort, affection, and desire that I’ve noticed since we moved in together. I miss feeling wanted without having to initiate everything myself, and I miss the feeling of knowing that my boyfriend genuinely wants to be close to me. I love him, and I understand that life changes, but I don’t want moving in together to mean that the romance, intimacy, and effort in our relationship slowly disappear. I want to understand whether this is simply stress and adjustment or whether something about our relationship has changed, because I don’t want to keep feeling unwanted by the person I love.

TL;DR ~ The girl my ex bf cheated on me with is stalking me and my family I’ve tried blocking her but it never works.

Last June I had found out my child’s father was talking to this girl he went to church with apparently they have been texting the entire time we’ve been together. After I found out about it I messaged her and explained my feelings to her since she kept insisting on us being friends and giving if gifts for our baby. Ever since then she will NOT leave me alone!! She’s watching my families pages, liking my social media posts then taking the like back, constantly viewing my page and even found my socials anonymous social accounts.

She also posts about what she done and apparently she likes messing with guys that are in relationships it’s all a funny game to her. I don’t have anything on none of my pages that have my baby father so at the point I think she wants my life for some odd reason .

And yes I did block her ! She just keeps popping up. If anyone dealt with this before please lmk😭 it’s getting weird

I (19F) have been talking to this guy (22M) I met on Telegram, and I genuinely can't figure him out.

He's always the one who initiates our conversations. Every time we talk, he's the one who reaches out first, and he never seems to let a day go by without messaging me. He also tells me that I'm fun to talk to and that he never gets bored of our conversations.

The confusing part is that he doesn't reply very quickly. Sometimes, I feel like he's not that interested in talking to me, especially when I see him online but he takes a while to respond. I don't expect someone to be available 24/7, but his behavior feels contradictory to me. If he wants to talk to me so often, why does he seem so unengaged during our actual conversations?

He also flirts with me, but I don't really flirt back. I usually respond normally because I'm not comfortable reciprocating flirtatious comments just for the sake of it. Now I'm wondering if he's taking my responses as a sign that I'm not interested and is holding back because of that.

On the other hand, maybe he simply enjoys talking to me and flirting without having any deeper feelings. I honestly have no idea.

I'm not saying I have feelings for him, but his mixed signals are confusing me, and I'd like to understand what's going on. I don't want to assume he's interested just because he initiates conversations and flirts with me, but I also don't understand why he'd keep doing those things if he weren't interested at all.

Is he interested but holding back because I don't flirt back, or am I reading too much into his behavior?

I'd appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who've experienced something similar

**TL;DR: He always texts me first and flirts with me, but takes a long time to reply. I don't flirt back, so I'm wondering if he's holding back because he thinks I'm not interested, or if he just enjoys the attention without being genuinely interested in me.?**.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. When we first started dating we spent a lot of time together, as you do when things are new and fresh. We were going out and getting crazy for months just having a jolly good time. About 6/7 months in he pulled back a bit - not physically - we still saw each other just as much but the infatuation was fading. I did not feel the same, I was still just as enamored with him. He claimed everything was perfectly fine we were just coming out of the honeymoon phase. Fast forward to now and I still feel like he is kind of bored with me? He vehemently denies this, but I feel his actions tell a different story. We live together now and while we do see each other every day it feels kind of like living with a roommate. I start all of our conversations - he’s never talked a ton, but I thought when we got to know each other better that he would warm up a bit. Not the case. If anything he talks less now. He claims he’s always been this way and is confused why i’m bothered by it now. I’ve once tried talking as little as he does and not initiating any conversation and he thought i was mad or upset (duh, any sane person would??). I told him I was just trying to show him from my point of view and he said it’s not the same because I’ve always talked more than him- which is fair- but this bleeds into emotional conversations. I typically am left to carry the emotional weight of the relationship as well. I would like to add that when he gets home he’s either looking at trucks on his phone or on the phone with a friend/family member or customer (he has a business). After he’s settled in we either watch tv until bed or he asks me if I would like to go eat somewhere or do something (this is ALWAYS up to me, I have to pick where we go and what we eat or we will drive around for HOURS). It gets exhausting having to make the plans constantly with someone who appears like they couldn’t care less to be there or not. I don’t know… he really is not a bad boyfriend by any means I just feel like something is missing? Is it wrong to want more? I’ve had truly awful relationships in the past and this doesn’t feel like that it just feels very low effort and I feel so guilty for feeling like it’s not enough. It feels like I want a closer connection in my relationship and he would be okay keeping me at arms length.

TL;DR
My boyfriend is seemingly low-effort but a great guy. Is it wrong to want more from this relationship or am I being selfish?

My partner and I have been together for several years, and lately, I’ve started to realize that, without even noticing it, I may have slowly lost a part of myself throughout our relationship.

I want to make it clear that my partner is not a bad person. Quite the opposite, actually. He is a wonderful person who supports me, encourages me to become a better version of myself, and is always happy for me whenever I achieve something, no matter how small it may seem. He has never pressured me into doing anything or stopped me from growing. In fact, he often encourages me to spend time with my friends and do things for myself. That’s why I feel like this isn’t something he has caused, but rather something that has gradually happened within me.

We are currently in a long-distance relationship. He is studying, has his own friends, and is constantly busy because of his profession, as he has to spend many hours at the hospital. His life is full of responsibilities, routines, and activities that keep him occupied.

As for me, I graduated from university a few years ago. At the beginning of our relationship, I had a job, but I lost it due to staff cuts, which affected me quite a bit. Since then, I haven’t been able to find another job, and I spend most of my time at home. Although I do have friends, they are also very busy with their jobs and their own lives, so it can be difficult to find time to go out together.

Lately, I feel like I don’t have any hobbies, personal activities, or anything outside my relationship that I genuinely look forward to. I’ve thought about taking a course related to my profession, continuing to develop my career, and finding things to do for myself. However, even when I consider these things, I end up making my decisions based on my partner. For example, I worry that if I start a course, I might be busy studying when he has time off and is able to come visit me. And that’s when I realize that, without meaning to, I’m allowing the possibility of spending time with him to determine how I live my own life.

It feels as though my relationship has become the center of my world, and I’ve stopped building other parts of myself. While he has his responsibilities, friendships, and activities, I feel like I’ve been left waiting for those moments when we can be together, especially because we live far apart and our time together in person is limited.

I don’t want this to be misunderstood. I love my partner, I genuinely enjoy spending time with him, and I don’t want to stop prioritizing our relationship. I just want to feel like I have a life of my own again. I want to keep growing, have my own goals, passions, and experiences, and feel that my happiness doesn’t depend so much on when we can see each other or how much time we can spend together.

How do I find a balance between loving someone and continuing to grow as an individual?**

Tl;dr

My father-in-law just recently got remarried. My wife’s parents split up in 2019 which was right around when we got married. Her mom took some time to work on herself and she’s doing great now. Her dad’s tried dating a few people but it didn’t work out. Sometime last year he got in contact with an old childhood friend whose husband was dying of throat cancer. He says he hung around with them to help them through this difficult time, and always said he was going to help “her” out. He would travel with them out of state frequently to go back to where she lived because they had doctors there and the vet for her dog lives there because she doesn’t trust anyone here (we live in Florida, they travel to Michigan and back). Like this was almost a monthly thing.

Anyways, her husband passed on Easter this year. He had no family left besides his brother who didn’t talk to him, and he didn’t want a funeral after he was gone. So he was just gone and that was it. Honestly it was sad, but he was going through it. Her dad and this lady continued to hang out and never said they were dating, but it was obvious to all of us they had a thing going on. Fast forward to June and her dad told us they were getting married, and they got married in June.

This lady sucks. She’s weird, the fact that she travels out of state with her dog and doesn’t trust our states medical professionals is weird, she told her dad to stop seeing us a month before they got married so they could “plan the wedding” which was really just in the back dining room of some local restaurant (think like trash wedding). Her dad normally watches our kids for us twice a week, but since then he almost never gets to see them because she’s always going places. Since they’ve been married we rarely see him, which is unlike anyone in her family because they’re extremely family-oriented. My wife is especially upset about this because we see him so often and now he’s pretty much absent to all of us since they got married. She also tells my kids she loves them and tries to make them call her grandma. Like idk it’s weird because she kind of just got here so none of us really know her. She also told him that as long as she wasn’t having an affair she could lie to him when she felt like she needed to. She looked at apartments without him after she said they would together as well. I could keep going, but you get the idea; she just sucks.

Anyways, they’re getting divorced. They got into some fight and she flew back to her other home? He’s crushed about it. Saying “he loves her, he’ll do anything to fix it, he was wrong,” asking everyone to talk to her to change her mind, all that stuff. Whatever happened, I’m not sure what to do since we really didn’t like this lady. Her dad’s a nice guy and obviously family, but he’s always just been an odd dude and we never really developed a strong relationship. We also thought it was kind of fucked the way he was trying to get in with a dying guy’s wife. Should I reach out to him?

TLDR: my father in law met a woman who’s husband was dying of throat cancer and married her 3 months after he passed. She sucks, shes not pleasant to be around, manipulative behavior, just weird vibes, and makes my kids call her grandma which pisses me off to no end. Now they’re getting divorced, he’s devastated and wants everyone to reach out to her to fix it. All of us are kind of glad since none of us liked her, and my wife is mad he wants to try to save the relationship somehow when she was keeping him away from our family. Should I reach out to him knowing my wife is already not happy with him?

So not to get super deep into the history but I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. We met in college and honestly he was an amazing guy to me. The only major problem we had in our relationship was his family (mom and sister). From the start the sister would tell him to break up with me because i’m not the same background as him, and to find a nice hispanic girl instead. Then when I went on vacation with my friends she was telling him that I would cheat on him. There’s so much other stuff but I don’t want anyone I know to recognize this but let’s just say she was a total c word. To add on to that, his mom was SOOOO CLINGY. She would call him at least 3 times a day like he was her man or something. Blowing up his phone texting, and when we’d be out on dates she’d call him to fix some bs problems she had. Long story short, she was the typical “boy mom” you see, but double it. Since the sister didn’t like me, she would send the mom my ig stories showing me drinking and going out. The mom would text my bf to leave me and i’m not a good girl and blah blah blah. I wish I could tell you all the stuff these women would say about me but this post would be a whole novel. The only way I found out about all this stuff they would say is because (don’t shame me) I went through his phone. I would confront him and about it and get upset about the stuff they would say. This went on for our whole relationship. Towards the end there was a big situation that happened between me and his sister and I decided enough was enough and I couldn’t deal with these women for the rest of my life. I broke up with my bf and told him exactly why- that I couldn’t marry into a family of people who don’t like me and make me upset all the time. Whoever I marry I want to love their family like my own. Ofc my bf was very upset and begged me for weeks to get back together. He said they don’t matter and this relationship is just us and that he would do anything to get me back. But I stood my ground because I genuinely hate those women. We then graduated college and moved from on campus (where we pretty much lived together) to back home. After a couple weeks, obviously I missed him so much because at the end of the day, he was the love of my life. I talked to him and told him I would get back together with him if he moved out. For context he lives with the mom and sister right now and he definitely makes MORE than enough to move out. He told me he couldn’t afford that and he would have no money being saved if he moved out. I understand that because obviously when you’re young and working you should save enough money as you can so I didn’t push it. Later I come to find out that he’s been basically been paying the rent for the apartment all three of them live in since he moved back home. For some background, the mom and sister both have full time decent paying jobs so it’s not that they need his salary to live off of. And since i’ve known him, those women are so cheap and have been waiting for him to graduate and make money so he can fund their life.
So long story short, he told me he couldn’t afford to move out because he wanted to save money- but he’s not saving any money from what I can see. So from what I’m seeing he’s made his choice and I should just move on. Idk I might be the asshole but if only you guys knew how tiring it is to be constantly hated on by women you’ve don’t nothing wrong to, and have gone out of your way to be nice to. So I just don’t know what to do, if i’m being unreasonable and should just stay with him.
TL:DR: asked my bf to move out and live seperate from his mom and sister so we could have a healthy and comfortable relationship and he said he needs to save money but he’s paying their rent.

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for nine years. We come from similar non-academic backgrounds, but I have always been good at learning, understanding complex topics, and expressing myself. My boyfriend has always struggled more academically and we found out that he has ADHD this year.

When he decided to go to university, I supported him throughout the preparation for his entrance exams. We studied together for weeks, and after failing the first time, he eventually passed. I was incredibly proud of him and happy that his hard work paid off. However, studying together was also stressful. I often got frustrated when he couldn't understand my explanations or remember things we had learned the day before.

Since then, I have continued helping him throughout his Bachelor's and now Master's degree. I read and corrected his assignments, sometimes rewrote entire sections, and occasionally wrote parts myself when deadlines were approaching. He often asks for my help, and I genuinely want to support him in achieving his goals. But I also work full-time in consulting, and I increasingly feel responsible for his academic success.

What frustrates me most is how slowly he sometimes works, how difficult it seems for him to understand things that feel basic to me, and how often he asks me questions he could probably answer with a quick Google search. I struggle to understand why he cannot figure things out on his own, and I find myself becoming impatient when I have to explain the same things repeatedly. I feel like I am carrying the mental burden of his studies on top of my own responsibilities.

These differences also affect our everyday life. I sometimes miss having deep, intellectually stimulating conversations with him. He struggles to express his thoughts clearly. In social situations, I sometimes feel embarrassed when he struggles to communicate or makes jokes that nobody finds funny. I hate admitting this, but I sometimes feel that he is simply not as intelligent as I am, and this affects my attraction to him.

Our biggest problem is that I feel caught between two conflicting needs. I don't want to be responsible for his studies, and I want him to manage his own workload. But when I see him struggling, I become anxious that he will fail, which makes me feel compelled to help. If he spends all his time studying, I also worry that our household responsibilities will fall entirely on me. I want to support him, but I cannot do everything for him.

This creates a lot of tension between us. I become impatient, make hurtful comments, and blame him for things that I know he cannot necessarily change. I don't want to treat him this way, and I feel guilty because he is genuinely kind, we share the same values and interests, and I love him after nine years together.

I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I cannot tell whether my frustration comes mainly from the unequal responsibility I have taken on, from our intellectual differences, or from the fact that I may be struggling to accept that he will never approach things the way I do. I love him and want a future with him, but I am afraid that my growing frustration and resentment will eventually destroy our relationship.

Any advice? Are we just not compatible?

Note: I am aware that this big parts of this behavior and problems might be due to his Adhd and that this is something he can not influence or chose. . He did behavior therapy but saw little improvements. His appointment to get meds is in 6 months.

Note 2: I am not calling him dumb. Finishing an university degree is hard. My boyfriend ist probably more smart than the average. But as our friends and my colleagues are mostly highly educated, privileged and succesful people, he may just not be as smart compared to them.

**TL;DR; : I get frustrated and sometimes treat my boyfriend unkindly because I struggle to cope with his academic difficulties. I feel constantly overwhelmed by helping him with his studies while working full-time in consulting.

How do I navigate this and how do you manage relationsships with a Partner a little less smart?

tldr; my bf and i have been together for 2 years, and are “long distance” now we are at uni. we see each other every two weeks. i asked to see him on halloween, which would mean we’d be together three weekends in a row. he doesn’t want to do this as he wants alone time, despite still going out on halloween. i feel like he doesn’t love me as much as i love him

my boyfriend m19 and i f19 have been together for two years now. we’re both at different unis, so have been doing “long distance” (a 40 minute train ride) for the past year of our relationship. we see each other every two weeks, alternating who is travelling.

the issue is he is so strict on that. like he does not want to see me for any occasion really in between those. so, for instance, we’re spending halloween separately because otherwise we’d spend three weekends together and he dislikes that idea because it means he doesn’t get much time alone in that period.

i do understand that on a regular basis, but for something like halloween i don’t get it. i don’t want to go out dressed sexy for halloween and watch my friends make out with strangers and then come home alone. when i expressed this to him he just reiterated that he wants alone time sometimes. which icompletely understand and also feel, but this isn’t an ordinary weekend.

it just makes me feel like he feels like it’s such an inconvenience to him to see me. like i would love to see my boyfriend unscheduled sometimes bcs i miss him when we aren’t together. but the fact that he is so adamant to be strict on when we’ve decided to see each other feels like seeing me isn’t exciting. it makes me feel like i love him more than he loves me?

EDIT:
i forgot to mention, but we do have very different workloads. he goes to one of the best unis in the world, and has multiple essays a week - whereas i have a few essays a term. so spending time on the weekends together is higher stakes for him as he has so much more work to do

We’ve been together 2 years, and for the entire 2 years whenever I get upset about something happening in my life and I need comfort and some support, usually at night when it all catches up to me, my gf shuts down, stops talking, stops looking at me for a while and then asks something along the lines of “and what do you want me to do about that?”.

This behaviour makes me feel totally ignored and unwanted. Like she doesn’t want to be around me when it feels bad to be alive, and just wants all the bad stuff over with and away from her.

The first couple times this happened I just got really sad, and then it started repeating itself over and over again and I started getting upset, saying “I need you to actually try instead of ignore me and deflect” and she gets upset, defensive, and starts crying.

I stop reaching out to her. But last night I needed a little sad talk about all the things happening in my life, my mom‘s cancer, my degree etc. and it happened again.

And I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t know how to get through to her that this is so upsetting and stressful when I’m already stressed and upset.

Maybe I’m in the wrong and I just need to sort out all my issues by myself and not expect her to comfort me, but I just feel kinda lonely.

i don’t know what do, she’s the love of my life.

tL;dr ; whenever I tell my gf that being silent and ignoring me when I’m upset stresses me out, she gets mad and cries.

edit : I DO NOT want to break up with her (ever). I want to figure out how to get through to her and work through this together. And I believe she wants that as well.