I had to take all of my photos down. It makes me sick. We look so happy, however my partner was secretly living a double life.

Don’t even get me started on wedding photos. I told my WP I will never celebrate our wedding anniversary ever again.

I’m struggling so much with comparison and despair around my own feelings of inadequacy since D-Day. I have spent a lot of money on beauty products, clothes, hair styling etc. and have planned to get my teeth straightened and potentially a nose job too, but it isn’t helping me to feel better. WS (M35) keeps insisting he thinks I’m beautiful and is making a lot of effort to point it out but this still feels like it isn’t enough. I can’t shake the fear that if I had just been more desirable then his head wouldn’t have turned in the first place.

Has anyone else had this experience? Any thoughts or advice on what could help?

I'm 29, recently divorced after being with my ex-wife for over 9 years and married for almost 8. D-day was in early June 2026, and our divorce was finalized in early October. Man, these past few months have been some of the hardest of my life.

Sorry in advance for the long post, guys. I've been holding a lot in, and honestly, I really need somewhere to vent and get some of this off my chest.

When I met my ex-wife, she was a single mother with a little boy who was only a year and a half old. I stepped into the father role and raised him as my own. For years, that was my family. We had our home, our routines, our holidays, and a future I genuinely believed we'd share.

Then everything came crashing down, and unfortunately, it happened during a time when my entire family situation was changing.

My sister got married in December 2025 and moved out around March or April 2026. My parents, who had been living with me, were also preparing to move back to Mexico permanently.

I had planned to fly with both my parents to Mexico in late May to help them move back. Unfortunately, my grandfather passed away in mid-April, so I had to change my mom's flight at the last minute so she could go earlier.

Something that still hurts when I think about it is that I later discovered my wife had a sexual encounter with the affair partner just five days after my grandfather passed away, while I was still grieving his death.

Then came the trip to Mexico.

I flew out with my dad in late May as originally planned. Before leaving for the airport, my wife asked me for a hug and kiss goodbye. I gave her both, thinking nothing of it because she was my wife and I loved her.

What I didn't know was that later that same night, she had another sexual encounter with him.

And it gets worse.

My wife was scheduled to fly out to Mexico a few days after me with my stepson. From the messages I discovered, the night before her flight, she actually asked the affair partner to come over to our marital home. He couldn't make it, so that encounter never happened.

Just knowing she was willing to invite him into the home we had built together while I was away is something that still gets to me.

Then she flew out to Mexico to join me, and the next time she had sex, it was with me. I had absolutely no idea what had been going on behind my back.

Looking back at those moments now is painful because I was still treating her like my wife, showing her affection, and trusting her while she was actively pursuing someone else.

While staying at my grandmother's house in early June, I finally discovered the affair. Based on the messages I found, it had been going on since at least early March.

After discovering everything, I took my wife and stepson to the capital so they could fly back to the U.S. early. They went straight to her parents' house and never returned to live in our home.

I flew back to the U.S. in early June as originally scheduled.

And man, I'll never forget coming home.

I walked into the same house that used to be full of family, except now there was nobody there but my dog.

For the first time in my 29 years, I was living completely alone.

Within just a few months, I went from having my parents, sister, wife, and the little boy I raised around me to an empty house. I didn't just lose my marriage. I lost my everyday family life, my role as a father, and the future I'd spent years working toward.

And the hardest part is that I've been dealing with most of it alone.

My parents are in Mexico, and my sister has her own marriage, school, and responsibilities. I've tried not to burden her with everything I'm going through. I also don't have close friends nearby that I can really lean on.

Those first few months were especially difficult because of the loneliness. I remember coming home from work to complete silence, sometimes talking to my dog because she was the only one there, wishing she could understand what I was saying.

There were nights when I'd completely break down crying like a little kid. Sometimes I'd find myself longing for my ex-wife, wishing she were there to hold me or comfort me.

And that was one of the hardest feelings to understand. The same person who caused me so much pain was sometimes the person I desperately wanted comfort from.

I've gotten somewhat more accustomed to living alone since then, but unfortunately, the emotional pain hasn't gone away.

I filed for divorce after discovering the affair, and I've since gone no contact with her. I have no intention of reconciling.

I've been going to therapy and trying my best to rebuild my life. I recently opened up to my mom about how badly I've been struggling, and having someone genuinely listen helped take some of that emotional weight off my shoulders.

For a while, I actually thought I was making decent progress.

But now in October, I've experienced one hell of an emotional setback.

The intrusive thoughts, mental images, sadness, anger, and constant rumination have come back harder than before.

My biggest struggle right now is my own mind.

I keep replaying things from the affair, imagining sexual encounters I never witnessed, and wondering whether my ex-wife is still seeing or sleeping with the guy she cheated with.

I know we're divorced. I know she's free to do whatever she wants, and I genuinely don't want her back. But understanding that logically doesn't stop the thoughts.

There's also this overwhelming feeling of unfairness. The possibility that she could still be enjoying his attention, companionship, and sex while I'm struggling to recover from the betrayal really gets to me.

I'm not assuming she's living some perfect life, and I'm not wishing suffering on her. It just hurts thinking that the person who betrayed me could still have that connection while I'm here trying to pick up the pieces.

Then there's the emotional back-and-forth.

Sometimes I'll remember a happy moment from our marriage and start missing the family we had. Then I'll remember the betrayal and immediately get angry. Other times I'll think about my own shortcomings and everything I wish I'd done differently.

I know I wasn't a perfect husband, and I've taken responsibility for my mistakes. But that doesn't change how painful the betrayal has been.

It's like I can't even enjoy a good memory without my mind immediately reminding me how everything ended.

And these thoughts come out of nowhere.

I could be working, driving, watching TV, or trying to fall asleep, and suddenly something pops into my head that completely changes my mood.

Lately, there have been nights where I've broken down crying again, but it's different from the loneliness I felt in the beginning. Now it's the overwhelming sadness, memories, and thoughts that won't leave me alone. Sometimes I just lie there crying because I'm so emotionally exhausted and frustrated that my mind keeps bringing me back to everything that happened.

It's happening at work too. I'll be sitting at my desk trying to concentrate, and a random thought or wave of sadness will hit me so hard that I start tearing up. Sometimes I have to excuse myself, walk out to my truck, and cry because I can't hold it together anymore.

Then I have to wipe my face, pull myself together, and go back inside like nothing happened.

That's probably one of the most frustrating parts. I'm genuinely trying to move forward, but sometimes it feels like my own mind won't let me.

I'll spend hours going over the same things even though I know none of it changes anything. Lately, it's gotten bad enough that I'm struggling with concentration, motivation, and enjoying everyday life.

Something else that's been bothering me is my dog. She's been my companion through all of this, and I love her to death. But I've been so mentally exhausted that some days I barely have the energy to give her the attention, affection, and playtime she deserves.

I feel guilty about that because she's done nothing wrong. She deserves the same love and attention I've always given her, and it hurts knowing I'm struggling to provide even that right now.

I'm so emotionally drained that even maintaining friendships and connecting with people has become difficult. Some days I barely have enough energy for myself.

I've been trying to stay busy, get out of the house, meet people, and find distractions. I understand why people recommend working out, hobbies, and staying occupied. I appreciate that advice, and I know those things can help.

But my biggest struggle is that even when I'm doing those things, my mind still finds a way to bring everything back.

I'm safe, and I'm working with my therapist. I'm genuinely trying to get better.

I'm just tired of spending so much of my life thinking about someone I don't even want back.

So I'm reaching out to you guys because I'd really like to hear from men who've actually experienced something similar.

Did you ever reach a point where you were genuinely sick and tired of your own thoughts? Where you didn't even want to think about your ex anymore, but your mind kept bringing everything back?

Did you struggle with intrusive sexual images of your ex and the affair partner? Especially imagining they might still be together after the separation?

For those who discovered specific details about the affair that completely changed how you remembered certain moments in your marriage, how did you stop replaying those memories?

Did you ever experience nights where you'd break down crying from the sadness and memories, even when you thought you were finally getting better?

Did you experience emotional setbacks months after D-day where you thought you were improving, only to suddenly feel like you were back at square one?

For those who went through divorce mostly alone, how did you manage the emotional aftermath without much of a support system?

For those who went to therapy, did it actually help with the rumination? Was there a particular approach, technique, or realization that made a noticeable difference?

And most importantly, did you eventually reach a point where you could remember the betrayal without it ruining your day? How long did that take, and what did the process actually look like?

I'd really appreciate hearing your personal experiences. How bad did things get? What helped during those difficult moments? And when did you first notice that you were starting to feel like yourself again?

I know everyone's recovery is different, and I'm not expecting some magical solution.

And again, I'm sorry for how long this turned out. I know I probably went into more detail than necessary, but honestly, I really needed to let all of this out somewhere. I've been carrying so much of it by myself, and sometimes I just wish I had someone who understood what I'm going through. Even writing all this out helps me get some of what's been weighing on me off my chest.

I don't want my marriage back. I don't want to spend my days wondering what she's doing or imagining things that may not even be happening.

I just want to wake up, enjoy my day, come home to my dog, and feel happy with my life again.

I miss having a family, but more than anything right now, I miss having peace in my own head.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read all this. Even if you don't have advice, hearing your story or just knowing someone understands would genuinely mean a lot to me.

Hi, pretty much what the title says. This morning I discovered a text from a coworker which made everything clear. When confronted her, she immediately admitted that this romance has been going on since 3 months. The reason I looked at the phone is that I had several uncertainty of her whereabouts after work and sadly this confirmed that cheating was happening. We have two kids, 5 and 3 and I don't know what to do.

The first reaction was to leave the house for good immediately but I'm open to discuss options with her if she stops seeing him. Of course the problem will be that I will never trust her again and she knows it so this is forever broke in our relationship.

Edit: Adding that she lost her mother in June after a difficult 3y battle with a cancer. After that all changed. She doesn't show regret which in a weird way I respect. I have some things I should have done differently in the past (nothing serious, my fault is to have channelled all towards the kids and forgetting about who we were), I know that the blame is shared in these situations.

Currently looking for advice on how to approach this as adults.

First text My wife, for 16 years revealed to me that she has been having an affair. It's been months ago I don't really want to put all the details into this post. I've just been having a hard life or trying to rebuild, and and at this moment, I'm feeling especially hopeless.

Husband did a full disclosure. He sexted with multiple women over discord after meeting them on a mobile phone game.

He said he was trying to up his status in game etc but he admitted that he got attached to one of them but couldn’t tell me the truth because he thought I might leave him.

He said she was popular in the game and he felt like the popular girl had chosen him.

I don’t understand it as I’ve got on paper - in real life - a lot more qualities than this person in all aspects; visually, in achievements, shared history, shared hobbies and interests, field of study and a child together.

It’s sad that he was sat there getting a buzz over getting attention from someone else of course but the amount of effort he had to put in to even get that from her was insane.

I basically was completely neglected at that time. While he told her he was a single dad with an abusive ex. He made out he did all the parenting and that our business was his alone and that he was going to go to her country and raise our son with her.

He said he loved her, begged her not to talk to other men.

Crazy stuff really considering as soon as I found out he never spoke to her again. I mean what was the point ?

The worst thing is that he told me that I didn’t even register when he did it. He knew I trusted him and wouldn’t check and he thought he could have both. That he never even considered me as a factor.

He said “you compare yourself to her but you shouldn’t she was a dog and I hated her I just didn’t realise how hard I was working for her attention and I’m most bothered about degrading myself by speaking g to such a dog like that”…. But he said it’s probably worse but there was never a comparison for him I just didn’t exist.

I’m feeling so lost that I could be so insignificant to someone I loved so much. Someone I thought about all the time.

He’s now saying after the fact that to r I need to look at the bad bits of our relationship from before. I didn’t put he name on things when he moved in etc. I spoke to him badly at times.

The thing is he was previously bankrupt and I kept finding letters hidden in draws and I had been in a previous controlling relationship that was financially abusive. I know it probably seemed hurtful but I was scared. The tone of voice yes, I know that from Mary poppins a spoonful of sugar helps the medina go down. I should have approached issues kinder. I do remember getting worn down by him not being an equal parent etc though and other similar things. Those are normal things no way should I have been cheated on for them. Especially when there were so many other options.

We did have so much fun. Good times were pure bliss and happiness. I was loyal and i always had his back and i adored him. I tried to give him space of his own in the busy house, i thought he was depressed and tried to open curtains and care for him etc. I dressed up sexy etc.

I know that if money wouldn’t have been an issue and his parents hadn’t stopped speaking to him just before he cheated he wouldn’t have felt such a gap.

I just don’t understand why now when he’s faced with his actions he keeps adding things like he was hard done to. It feels like after killing someone’s soul and treating them like nothing that he should want to right that rather than referring back to his resentments.

We had small arguments. Normal stuff. But we danced and sung and gamed together.

He was truly utterly loved. I dont get it is that not what people want ?

I'm not really looking for advice. I just need somewhere to share what I've been going through and get some of this off my chest.

My wife and I have been married for a few years. We don't have children. I love her tremendously, and despite everything that's happened, I still want to spend my life with her. A little while ago, I discovered that my wife had been having an emotional and sexual affair with a man she met through an online game. They started as friends, but over several months, their relationship became romantic and sexual. They exchanged explicit pictures, masturbation videos, sexual audio messages, and engaged in sexual activities online, including using a remotely controlled sex toy. They also told each other they loved each other. This man knew she was married. He knew I existed, and he willingly participated in the affair anyway.

One of the things that hurts the most is that she crossed sexual boundaries with him that she had never crossed with anyone before, including me. My wife has always had a personal boundary about showing her face in sexually explicit pictures or videos. It was something she had never been comfortable doing, even with me, her husband. But with this man, someone she had only known online for a few months and had never met in person, she crossed that boundary. She sent him explicit pictures and videos of herself masturbating with her face visible.

Another boundary she's always had with me is deleting sexual pictures or videos after sending them. Even when she sends me something intimate, she usually deletes it from our conversations afterward. But with him, she left those pictures and videos in their Discord conversations. I understand that she's entitled to her boundaries. I'm not saying she owes me anything sexual. But knowing she willingly crossed boundaries she had maintained even with me, for another man, is incredibly painful. It makes me feel like she gave him a level of trust, vulnerability, and intimacy that she had never been willing to share with me.

And the betrayal wasn't just sexual. She shared so much of our personal lives with him. She talked about our marriage, our problems, and our arguments. She even recorded private arguments between us and sent them to him. She shared pictures from our dates and adventures together. Moments that I thought were special memories between my wife and me were being shared with the man she was having an affair with. She sent him pictures of our family, including our young nephew. She also shared pictures of me cuddling with her and some of my most vulnerable moments. It hurts knowing that a complete stranger was given access to so many private parts of my life without my knowledge or consent.

My wife has admitted that she genuinely loved him. Even after their relationship ended, she expressed that she still cares about him and wants him to be happy, even if he isn't with her. She says she ended their relationship and cut contact. I have actually seen that she blocked him on Discord, which gives me some reassurance. As far as I know, they haven't spoken in a couple of months, but I still have fears and doubts.

Something else I should mention is that I actually found out who this man is. My wife refused to tell me his identity, but I eventually figured it out myself. I know his name, what he does for a living, where he lives, and quite a bit about him. I have absolutely no intention of contacting him, confronting him, or interfering with his life. I don't want anything to do with him. I just needed to know for myself. I needed to put a face and an identity to the person who had been involved in something that caused so much pain in my marriage.

Honestly, after finding out who he was, I felt even more confused. I'm not some incredibly handsome guy, and I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but I genuinely believe I'm more physically attractive than him. Even looking at our lives on paper, I feel like I have more going for me in several areas. I know relationships and attraction aren't competitions, and I understand that affairs aren't necessarily about finding someone better. But emotionally, it's difficult to understand what she saw in him that led her to risk our marriage. I don't hate this man, but I certainly don't respect the decisions he made. He knowingly participated in an affair with a married woman. I also know that my wife is the one who made vows to me. Ultimately, she is responsible for her decisions.

Another thing that bothers me is how much of the affair has remained hidden from other people. My wife has told some of her friends about the affair, but she hasn't told them the actual details or the full extent of what happened. They don't know everything that was exchanged, the sexual activities, the explicit videos, the emotional attachment, or how much of our private marriage was shared with him. I'm not saying she needs to tell everyone every intimate detail. I understand that some things should remain private. But sometimes it feels incredibly lonely knowing the full extent of what happened while the people around her only know a small part of the story.

Recently, I also discovered information suggesting that the sexual relationship may have lasted significantly longer than she originally told me. What I thought lasted six weeks to two months may have actually been closer to three or four months. I don't know for certain, but that possibility has been devastating. I keep thinking back to the memories we made during that time. The dates, celebrations, trips, and ordinary moments when I thought we were happy together. Now those memories are mixed with the knowledge that she may have already been sexually involved with another man.

Our marriage wasn't perfect before the affair, but there were problems I didn't even know existed. For example, last year my wife started counting how many days it had been since we last had sex. We both understood that sexual intimacy was important in our marriage. But what I didn't know was that keeping track of those days was putting more pressure on her. Over time, that pressure contributed to her sometimes dreading sex. I didn't know she was feeling this way because she never communicated it to me. I genuinely wish she had. I never wanted intimacy to become something she dreaded or felt obligated to do. I wanted it to be something we both enjoyed. If she had told me what was happening, I would have wanted us to work through it together.

I'm not claiming to be a perfect husband. I've made mistakes throughout our marriage, and there are things I can improve. But I also can't address problems that I don't know exist. My wife has since expressed that she was unhappy and felt emotionally disconnected. She also felt that she could be vulnerable with this man in ways she didn't feel comfortable being with me. Hearing that hurts, especially knowing she was sharing her feelings, struggles, and vulnerabilities with another man while I was largely unaware of how much she was struggling. I wish we had been able to work through those things together before our marriage reached this point.

And now, even after the affair has ended, my wife doesn't know whether she wants to stay married. She has told me she loves me, but she doesn't know whether she can love me the way I want to be loved. She's mentioned separation and divorce multiple times. She says she needs space, time, and freedom from the pressure of constantly discussing our relationship. We're currently attending couples therapy, and I'm trying to respect those needs.

There have actually been some good moments between us. We still laugh together, spend time together, play games, cuddle, and occasionally have sex. She has said she's comfortable with me being loving and affectionate as long as I don't turn every moment into another conversation about saving our marriage. I'm trying to learn how to do that. I'm trying to be patient, consistent, understanding, and loving without making her feel pressured to make a decision. But honestly, it's incredibly difficult. Some days I feel hopeful. Other days I'm overwhelmed by the betrayal, the uncertainty, and the fear that I'm going to lose the person I love most.

Sometimes I feel like I'm spending so much time trying to understand her feelings and respect her need for space that my own pain is getting pushed aside. I'm trying to heal from the fact that my wife fell in love with another man, engaged in sexual activities with him, shared intimate parts of herself that she had never shared with me, and exposed private moments of our marriage to him. And at the same time, I'm trying to give her enough space to figure out whether she even wants to remain married to me.

The hardest part is that I still love her. I love her intelligence, her personality, her humor, her passions, and everything that makes her who she is. I still enjoy spending time with her. I still love making her laugh, doing little things for her, and showing her how much she means to me. I want to grow old with her. I want to experience the good, the bad, and everything in between. I want to be there to witness her life and have her witness mine.

I'm willing to forgive her. I'm willing to work through our problems, rebuild trust, and create something better than what we had before. But I also understand that I can't rebuild our marriage alone. I know relationships are complicated, and I know my wife has experienced pain and unhappiness too. But I also know that I didn't deserve to be betrayed. I didn't deserve to have our private lives shared with another man. I didn't deserve to have my trust broken or to discover that the person I loved had developed an intimate relationship behind my back.

It's incredibly painful to love someone so deeply, want a future with them so badly, and still not know whether they want that same future with you. Right now, I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. I still have hope for our marriage. I still believe there's something worth saving. But I'm also trying to figure out how to heal from something that has completely changed the way I see my marriage, my memories, and the person I thought I knew better than anyone.

Hey everybody im 22m got married last year and I have completly ruined my life i just wanna hear what you guys who are older then me think about my situation

So a while ago i was engaged to my fiancé and she had somewhat of an emotional affair with her coworker lied to my face about many things it was soul crushing I really lost myself those days because she did it at the same time she learned my ex cheated on me and promised ke she would never do anything like that; now she didn’t fully commit to this emotional affair but she did really do her best to entertain it and when I found out I was destroyed at all the lies I really thought I got my happy ending i was afraid to be alone scared to be alone again and I geniuenly saw how much she regretted it she w did everything she could possibly do to make it better including doing a lie detector test

So eventually I took her back and forgave her with the conditions that she would never lie to me or let me stress have full transparency with me always and never hide anything again

because I knew she didn’t commit to the affair and I thought shes young and made a mistake and it’ll get better which it really did shit got so much better to the point she brought up marriage after a while and I agreed

I believed if we lived together all my bad thoughts my whatever you call it trauma would go away because she would be with me all the time and we would be each others lives living together

But after marriage we started having so many problems random things from little to big and eventually it got to a point where she asked me for space and she wanted to go back home and I agreed due to all the fighting

But she just completely switched up on me, she went home and for two months she refused to see me she treated me horribly saying she has resentment and hate for me because of everything she was awful to me and broke all her promises she took her locations, stopped telling me where she’s going and when started lying to my face again and getting caught in those lies for two whole months i didnt even see my wife she treated me like a complete stranger

Fast forward to now after breaking every promise she made me when she cheated she wants to try again and she promises she will never do anything like this again but she abandoned me and broke all her promises and I just don’t know if I can ever trust her again im only 22 shes 21 and I thought she changed thats why I married her

Even tho in my heart I know she didn’t cheat on me how can I be sure when she broke all her promises to me on purpose and tortured me knowing what she’s doing just to come back and say she wants to try again

Idk what to do theres no way of me knowing what happened over these two months idk if I can trust her anymore but what I do know is I can’t deal with the stress the thoughts the images related to cheating i dont deserve any of this she made ke promises that were the foundation of me taking her back and she just broke them all like it’s nothing and wants to forget it all and move on

Im worried if I take her back I’ll relive this for a third time and I just can’t do that anymore i cant be abandoned again when all I have ever done is love her and choose her i cant not know idk what to do because I do love her and a part of ke wants to believe she really didn’t do anything but she actively lied to me hid her phone from avoided me and was just horrible to me using already solved last issues as an excuse

Im lost in life I fought my entire family to marry her everyone warned me not to marry young and that she wasn’t mature enough but I fought for it because I saw her potiental I saw what she could be and I loved her more then anything I fought the whole world friends and family to marry her and she just casually broke every rule we established knowing what she did before

But still a part of me geniuenly believes she wouldn’t have done me wrong but then again why would she do any of this like this idk im just lost sorry if im not being clear i just had to get this all of my chest and hear what others have to say about it

This is my first time posting on reddit, long time user. A little but of backstory I found out early this year that my husband of 10 years was having an affair with a coworker. He begged me to stay and work it out with couples counselling etc, in a state of shock I agreed to at least try. We share two kids 10 F (almost 11) and 7 F. In August I decided that infidelity is not something I would put up with and ended the relationship. He immediately started dating his AP behind my back again while living together, then our 10 year old found out via a friend and he decided that it was not worth her hurt and ended it again with his AP. We had big discussions on how hurtful it was and he broke down saying how she is just easy and he hates her for putting him in this position, bad mouthed her (the typical manipulative things). He had a big talk with our daughter and promised her he would not talk to this woman again as her, her sister and mom are way more important and he would rather have a friendship with me and a positive relationship with them. Fast forward about three weeks of him CONSTANTLY telling me how disgusting this girl is and how he will never ever have a place for her in his life, that he wished he had a Time Machine, how he wishes I would let us work it out and save us, I find out he is dating her again and they only stopped for about a week (we are still living together). He moved out the second week of September and 2 weeks after moving out he decided to tell our kids about his new girlfriend and her son, show them pictures and ask if they want to meet her. Now our kids have been extremely angry with him and don't want to do much with him, so we all sat down to have a discussion about why they are acting distant. Our 10 year old told him it's too overwhelming for her right now and our 7 year old told him it feels like he has a new family and doesn't care about how they are feeling
(they are both in therapy). This last weekend he asked me if he can introduce the kids to his new girlfriend and her son, completely disregarding what the kids have confided in him. We had set a boundary when he moved out that before any third parties are introduced we would discuss it with the other person and would allow the other parent to meet the third party to be respectful and to know who is around our kids. He tried to jump over the boundary we put in place, as he did when telling them about her, so I know it's only a matter of time before he introduces them without my knowledge. My ex is the 5th married man this woman has went after at their work place and I'm the only wife who left, she cheated on her ex husband/child's father (5 M) and has been caught fooling around with other woman at work. His best friends from work are all reaching out to let me know they are concerned with who he is with and how fast he is moving (he moved straight in with her). I guess I need advice on how to deal with this whole situation with our kids and how to avoid the toxic situation that will irrupt, its been 2 months and he already says they are looking to buy a house together, constantly tells the kids how nice she is and how much they will love her. He is extremely selfish and has narcissistic traits, I know his mask will slip eventually, I just feel like this is a disaster waiting to happen and I want to shield our kids as much as possible, without bad mouthing him or causing distance in their relationships. He has always been the angry type and both the kids and I have always felt like we were walking on eggshells. I am happy this woman got me out of an emotionally and somewhat physically abusive relationship but my kids are the main priority and I just want to protect them as much as I can. Any advice on how to deal with this chaos is appreciated!

I've been with my partner for 9 years. We have 2 young kids. Everything was great up until we had our youngest. I suffered with postnatal depression after both births. I never in a million years would of thought that he would cheat on me. I found out at the end of february that he had a full on affair with someone that was young enough to be his daughter. Funny thing is he used to tell me he thought of her as a daughter 🤮 he ended things and we were trying to work through it. Then I started to see her on my way to work most mornings, she turned up at my house whilst me and my kids were there. She left notes for him in the passenger door handle (he drives, not me) she even applied for a job where I work. One day it all stopped and I thought it was the end of it. How naive was I? The stalking stopped because they were at it again. At the end of August during an arguement he told me that it was still going on. The day before my daughter was due to start school. I was distraught. Since then everything has kind of been a blur. Supposedly its over between them. I kind of beleive it as she left me a voicemail last week. I think its an attempt to get me to leave. The thing is I cant leave just yet. Without him I have no way of getting to work and my youngest to nursery, i wouldnt be able to get another job around here with the flexibility that i have. So I'm in the process of getting my ducks in a row. In the new year I'm starting driving lessons, as soon as I can drive I'm out of here. The thought of being able to stand on my own two feet is a great motivater. I dont know why I'm posting, I guess I just needed to vent. I dont have much of a support system. Not one that I can trust anyway.

It’s been a year since the incident. We haven’t done much work because I thought keeping our lives the same after would make things easier. I left in the most dramatic way possible, just a note. 2 months ago and I just came back this last week to try and work on things. We’ve had a lot of make up fun time with one another in this week.
We’ve been together going on 10 years but the pain I feel from this just doesn’t go away.
I know it’s only been a week back but just going back to something comfortable has felt nice and someone who is willing to work on things sounds great but
The uncertainty of leaving or staying is the only thing playing in my head constantly. All day everyday and I can’t find the answer.
Since I’ve come back my parents and friends have said things like ‘what are you doing?’ “Why would you go back there?” “Do I need to come and get you”
I’m sure all statements are coming from a place of good faith, but trying to reconcile now with this looming over my head that my family or friends will also never be accepting of the relationship sucks.
I came back wanting to work on things but the thought of leaving again and starting over sounds nice too. Those 2 months were the hardest, I felt loneliness like I never have before. I came back because I thought if we’re able to do this then maybe 10 years isn’t wasted. But I can’t help but think it’d be easier to love freely again.
Not being able to bring him around to events this week with family and getting judgment from those who know I came back has been though too.
I really can’t see this working out with them and I don’t want to break his heart again.
I know he has the resources to be fine this has just been the most confusing time for me.

It feels like the floor was completely pulled out from under me. Finding out you were cheated on by the person you loved most is a different kind of pain, it leaves you feeling entirely hollow. I never thought I’d have to figure out a life without them, and the depression right now is completely overwhelming. If you’ve ever been broken by the person you never imagined losing, how did you find the will to keep going?

I am a new immigrant, from a third world country,been in long distance relationships with my now husband for 3 years and just got married end of August. I found out 3 days later that my husband has been in multiple affairs, so far I have counted over 10 women.

We have an 18 year old age difference, I am 29, no kids between any of us and I’m just lost. Most difficult part is for me I just don’t know he cheated, I have all the details including the *** positions and him explaining to his friends how hard he hit it. I am so lost and some days I am okay but a day like today I feel like my heart wants to break out of my chest . He is putting in the effort and promises he will never do it but the trust is gone.

I am just about to start working and I don’t know how to even survive this. I left everything behind and gave up so much because I genuinely believed we were building something. The affairs were with paid prostitutes who eventually became repeated service providers lol😂

Well I made it to Florida. I bought an RV and rented a spot in the middle of a large city. Working on a job, but not in that big of a hurry. I’m glad to be here.

I still wake up, and go to bed, every night feeling like I miss my wife. I have to remind myself every time that I have that feeling that my wife would never do those things to me. That someone who was capable of that type of love would never do what her own counselor would call as “inhuman” (I continued to see our couples counselor after the split). I know all these things, but I still miss her. I miss the man I was, I miss the life we had. I miss feeling like I mattered. I came here because I was an inch from ending things, and things are so much brighter but still so far from being ok. I’ll pull through everyone, and I appreciate everyone who has stuck with me through all of this.

Life continues, whether you want it to or not. I’m trying to make it to its natural end. I’m no longer seeking all of the amazing things I was before, professional superiority. I did so well everywhere I spent time, and where did it get me. I want a small simple life. I won’t chase women because I don’t trust myself to choose. I don’t trust them to be honest. I’m going to live my life without others. Without a goal in mind, and let the currents take me where they will.

I am 20 years into this marriage with 4 adult daughters (two autistic level 1 & 2). I found out through interrogating my husband that he relapsed a few years ago and got a BJ from a prostitute. He confessed because I found his STD test results for a test he took afterwards (negative). Anyway. Yeah it was years ago. I think he’s been clean since but I am so f@cking tired of all of this. I am anxious all the time, thinking he will go out and start scouting the streets. I don’t know how many more years I can do this.

I don’t work as I do everything else he can’t do and none of my kids have cars yet, but I don’t gaf if I’m homeless. Homelessness is better than this. At least I can sit in f@cking peace at the beach and not wonder if this @sshole is prowling around looking for crackheads. Rant over

I 39 m affair partner is 34 f
So I've read some peoples situation I've been trying to find situations similar. I'm gonna try to some up a lot of info. I will go more in depth if need. Wife and I been together almost 13years we have 5 kids. We both were in kinda relationships when we met. We got together one night she wound up pregnant. I tried to avoid her like an ass in the beggingof her pregnancy. We got together had a child. Got married right away. She started becoming distant in the beginning years so I tried to do what I could to get her to open up. It would start fights I had an anger issues I would say horrible things to her. When we would fight. I will say I was mentally abusive.She had stepped out on me. On year 5. We went to the marriage counseling for about 3 years I thought we were pulling thru. I opened my eyes to the awful things I was doing. And really found a new place in life

About 3 months ago she stepped out again an emotional affair. She said she never really felt heard in counseling and that she didn't realize how bad the things I said to her in the beginning to her really messed her up. Body images self worth. Now with us having 5 kids I still want to make this work. I know I was an awful partner I know I can't expect her to heal from the issues I caused but how can we continue she says she wants to.

Long story short, we had a fight and she was unable to get over it. She wanted to end things but I didn’t want to give up on our relationship. I had fought w my parents for her as we had decided to get married. She was a lovely person but I don’t know what happened after that fight…she seemed to not want me back. Last time we discussed, she said she wanted time and that she’ll get back.

She was friends w someone at her gym. Our most recent fight happened because of this guy getting close to her and I had requested her to keep communication to a minimum just until we are stable.

A few days later, I texted her and asked if she’s ready to talk but all she did was confess that she ended up being physical w the guy just a day before I texted.

I’m heartbroken. I’m traumatised. Every gym, gym guy, built guy are making me feel like shit and making me feel so insecure. How will I get over this? How will I trust anyone after this? How do I handle my emotions when I’m getting reminded of this incident? I’m just so sad and dull all the time.

My husband had a two-year affair.
He says he never intended to leave me and kept seeing the same woman simply because it was convenient and he found her attractive.

We’re trying to rebuild our marriage, but I can’t understand how something supposedly casual could go on for two years.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, what was going through your mind?

How did you justify it to yourself, knowing what you stood to lose?

I feel so sad and disappointed in myself that I’m still so sad about being discarded. It’s been 6 months now since my husband left and I still wake up in the night with nightmares sometimes. I do have a lot more good days than bad days now. But today I’m having a really hard day again. I’ve been going to therapy and am currently on anti-depressant medication which has been soooooo helpful for my mental health. Still, I find myself sobbing today feeling so sad and missing my previous life. I really need someone to talk to so I guess that’s why I’m posting here.

I guess I’m really sad still and confused why he chose the affair partner over me. Before my husband left me, he sent a text to my parents telling them that I’m a wonderful person, but that he had “demons in his head” and was “drowning inside” and “unhappy”. This was all news to me. He said he “couldn’t keep looking at himself in the mirror and telling himself everything is okay when it isn’t”. He said he was taking all his anger out on me and that wasn’t okay because I’m a great person and don’t deserve that. If I’m such a great person, then why would he leave me for his affair partner??! He kept going back and forth and made no sense when he was talking. At one point he told my parents that we had a great relationship with more good times than bad times but he was stuck in a rut and needed to leave to find his happiness. I don’t understand… I’m struggling to figure out what I did to cause him to be so unhappy that he needed to leave?? Yes we argued at times, and we both didn’t handle that well at times, but that’s not a reason to leave your spouse. Besides arguing sometimes, we truly did have a great relationship before all of this. So what is so great about the affair partner that he felt he had to leave me after 12 years together ???

I kept asking him why he was so unhappy and he couldn’t give me a straight answer other than saying he hated his job, hates that he is balding, has a fear of death and aging, and can’t watch his favorite movie American pie 2 because it reminds him of getting older…. How does that have anything to do with me??

I don’t understand why he had such negative feelings about me and our relationship in the end when he was the one that had issues. He’s an alcoholic and won’t admit he’s an alcoholic. Gets black out drunk every weekend and says he just likes “having fun with his friends”. He took out a $30,000 line of credit behind my back for his mom because his mom has gambling issues and almost lost her house. And he said he felt resentment towards me because his alcoholic father who just got out of jail recently for threatening his ex girlfriend with a knife had asked to live in our basement and I said no because I felt unsafe. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable boundary to set with someone…. I don’t understand what this affair partner is providing to him that I couldn’t provide. My feelings are so hurt and I feel so lost, rejected and ugly that he chose the other woman over me….

Why would he blow up his life for a random coworker at his work?? I don’t want him back because what he did was so hurtful, but I just don’t understand why he doesn’t regret what he did. My ego is so hurt. Sometimes I feel like maybe I am the problem and truly did make him unhappy ?? Please help me. (By the way I’ve obtained a lawyer and I didn’t have to pay back that debt and I’m living separately from him, so I don’t need advice on that part). Just looking for some general advice and support.

Tomorrow is one year since DDay which means exactly one year ago today was the last time I slept in my naive comfort of having a good and loyal husband.
It seems both like it was yesterday that he told me ~ I can remember the exact words, exactly where we were, exactly what I said and felt. But it also seems like it was forever ago- it feels natural to live in my home without him, it doesn’t seem as shocking that he could have possibly done this to me.
I’ve learned so much about myself this year and have come to the realization that my future is going to be much different than I imagined.
I’m really upset that I thought we were building a future together and he was gambling our life away.
I don’t know what it looks like to be single in my 50’s.
I’ll have to work longer than we had planned because the divorce will impact my retirement (not his- I’m
Very resentful about that).
I’m trying not to wish that I had never met and married him. I do have an amazing daughter and blended family thanks to him.
This seems a bit rambling and for that I’m sorry- I guess I just wanted to acknowledge the day and have someone tell me that the hardest part is behind me now and it gets easier somehow.

I would love to hear from some people who have been betrayed by an SO and left. And then how you’re doing in life now.
It might make me sad I don’t know.

Hello, I’m really sad to be making a post here. I feel so hurt and embarrassed by my situation. I just need to get some things off my chest and be heard by people who have been through similar things.

I’m a gay trans guy and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. I’m autistic and grew up very shy, and he was my first real boyfriend and first kiss, at 24. I fell for him fast and felt so in love with life after we got together.

When we met, he warned me he had only been in open relationships before. I told him I’m strictly monogamous and didn’t want that. He said he really liked me and wanted to date me. He agreed that if it wasn’t working, he would tell me.

At first, our relationship and sex life were great. But we see sex very differently. I need a deep connection and love to sleep with someone, while he sees sex and love as separate. Sex is about pleasure for him. After sex I want to cuddle, but he seems to want to go right back to what he was doing. I also knew he used gay hookup sites often in the past and said he got validation from being desirable to other people. He spent a lot of time looking at porn too, but as long as he wasn’t neglecting me, I was okay with it.

A couple of months in, he told me the idea of me being his only sexual partner scared him, and he worried he was missing out. He asked for a threesome and was disappointed when I said no. I told him it was his decision to either stay with me, or be able to sleep with other people again. This came up about three times, and each time he chose me and told me I was worth it.

After we moved in together at about 10 months, I felt a big shift in his mood. He started avoiding sex and said he felt insecure about his body after gaining weight. I tried to be understanding, but it became a long-standing issue. We went from having sex 1-3 times a week to once or twice a month, and for 4-5 months we had almost none. I felt like I was going insane and desperately wanted to feel desired by him again. After a few serious talks about whether our relationship could withstand this, we had a couple of really good months.

Then one day I woke up and found him masturbating on the couch while on a hookup/chat site. I told him it crossed a line and that I didn’t want him talking to other guys. He assured me he was just chatting for fun and would never meet up with anyone, and he seemed sorry.

A few days later, the suspicion got to me and I looked through his phone. I found Reddit posts with nudes asking to meet local people, and a paid Grindr+ account. Texts confirmed he had hooked up with multiple guys over at least the past year. I confronted him that day, and he lied to my face over and over, about whether it happened and how often, until I told him I’d seen everything.

We had a long, awful talk that ended with him breaking up with me and saying I deserve someone better. He left for work planning to stay at his parents’. A few hours later he called me crying and said he didn’t want to lose me. I told him he could come home and we could talk more.

I went to a few therapy sessions just to get a lot of this off my chest. I’m having a hard time imagining getting over the loss of trust. It makes me so sad that I was with someone who made me feel so safe while this was happening underneath. He said he would do everything he could to make me love him again.

We talked about him having a major porn addiction. When he got caught, he said he’d give me his phone and leave his computer at work. That hasn’t really happened. He started school and needs his computer, but I know he’s looking at porn multiple times a day. I told him I wish he would get therapy for it, and he says he’s embarrassed and wants to try on his own, but I don’t see much effort. It’s better than before, but on many days he’s still watching hours of it, including quite taboo themes.

I’m so frustrated. I go back and forth on leaving, and it’s terrifying to think about finding someone else. Outside of all this mess, I enjoy being around him. I just wonder if the trust will ever recover, or if I’ll always feel like I have to monitor him. I want it to work so badly. It’s been about a month and a week since I found out, and I still have tremendously hard days where it’s all I think about.

I could write a novel on here. My friends are either at capacity with their own issues or burned out of the negative place I am in. I will keep it wave tops though, I'm lonely as hell and just need a place to vent that isn't to Claude or friends. (that I know)

I had a job that forced me to travel alot. In the last two years I would say that I was home about 6 months total, and I managed 30 other people so I was stressed out. I would say that I was pretty much riding the line of mental stability.

I came home from my last trip in April of 26 and there was distance between myself and my wife. I tried to do somethings to fix it, planning trips (she was too tired), family photos (to late she didnt want them anymore) and then in May when we were looking at having to move in August I started trying to work out a plan. I figured Washington State would be good for all of us, my number 1 prio being kids school. Well she didnt want to be so far from her parents and I kept trying to fix the problem, keep money in an account so she could fly back etc, but I didnt listen to her no and so one day she broke and said she was done.

Now for the last six years she bottled everything up and would blow up at me once or twice a year with all of her grievances. Nothing would change because the next day she would be fine and we would get back into our same pattern. In June I found out I was losing my job of 24 years, it was expected but it still hurt and i wasnt in a good place mentally. She kept pushing me in some things and one day I blew up and yelled "No means NO" and left the house to walk. (she had been telling me that for weeks and then when I said no she kept pressing."

She told me she was done again that second week of June. Long story shortish, for the whole summer I was told how bad I was to her, everything that I did wrong, how she had never been happy with me. Meanwhile she is taking the kids to the pool almost every day and hanging out with the neighbor guy she said was handsome. It makes me uncomfortable and I told her that several times but she said she was done and she could have whatever friends she wanted. I told her "What does done mean? Because im not ok with us dating other people while we are figuring this out." She deflected and i even knew then.

I knew I was in a bad spot and started therapy, working out, and so many fucking videos, marriage helper, husband help haven, and I worked on the 4 primary things and turned my focus to my kids and myself.

She still wore her ring from Jun-Sep, "tried" to get back to normal with me end of July, and in Sep said she wanted to see a marriage Councillor. All while meeting this guy at the gym and hanging out at the pool with him at every opportunity.

Anyways, three weeks ago I found out she was cheating on me. I had concrete proof on a Thursday, told her I knew. From Thur-Sat she denied it so well that I doubted myself and had to keep reviewing my concrete evidence. I even made my friend look it over for me. Finally I pushed her alittle too hard on that Saturday and she finally admitted it. On Sunday while she was looking at a house to move into she told me this isnt what she wanted. We had a serious convo Sunday night and Monday. On tuesday after therapy I told her I would try. We put our rings back on, and pictures back up, told the kids we were going to work on it.

That lasted about a week before she got distant again. On Monday she told me she wanted open everything, phones, computers etc, baseline trust. She also wanted to move because we wouldn't be able to recover here. The next week all of that was getting backtracked. I felt like she was still talking to him.

Three weeks later she says during the marriage counseling, "i'm not sure this is what I want but I know im not ready to lose it yet" During the reconcilliation time I also had to listen to how she loved him, she never met someone like that before that she clicked with, and she didnt know why fate put him in her life. He was perfect and she didnt see anything negative in him. Meanwhile I've still never made her happy etc etc etc.

So the next day I was in this sub and someone mentioned the book "Lose a cheater gain a life". I started reading it and I started getting angry. My pride started coming back and on Sunday after she was again at the gym (same gym she met him, but he was so respectful and stopped going at the same time as her, and no she wouldnt switch gyms to make me feel better, she liked that one.) for two and a half hours again I finally was mad enough to say something and that day I decided to file.

This is my second marriage. I have two kids elementary school. I have always wanted a family, I had the perfect family. But I was distant when home, played too many video games (escapism), led with negativity, and when she came at me with problems I was defensive. Those are the 4 main things that she had an issue with. In my first marriage she cheated on me repeatedly and I tried to work on it far longer than I should have. I take my vows seriously, and one of the things I was concerned of now was that I was going to keep moving my goal post. the book made me mad enough to stop. I have never cheated on my wife. I hate cheaters with a passion, a primal rage.

Now my resolve isnt failing, I dont know this version of my wife. Its more inline with her shittiness from the first six years of our life. The last six years she was perfect, I had so much respect for her I looked up to her. But now this. I feel empty, alone, hollow. She wont move out so now I have to support her and give her a safe family environment while she gets to see him whenever she wants until the divorce forces her out of the house. This sucks, I cant move on, I'm fighting the feeling of thinking like I broke her, I failed this marriage. She seems so much happier now.

But she reframes everything about me. If i pick a flower and give it to my daughter, she tells me I did it just to make myself feel good, not about making my daughter feel loved. I'm not the type to dig in, i always am ruminating about what i do/did so i can be better in the future. I'm not the person she says I am but its such a struggle. I dont even know where to go from here. Who can I talk to? Therapy is good, friends are supportive, but I have no one here where I live. None of my needs are being met while I have to be there for the kids, support her cheating ass, and work, while feeling lonely and hollow. I'm tired of saying and hearing, time will fix it...

This is my shortened and edited version after receiving feedback that my original post was too long. I’ve tried to cut out unnecessary details while keeping the important context.

Ages: Me (F21), Ryan (M23), Evan (M23)
TL;DR: After ending a four-year relationship, I jumped into a relationship with Ryan that turned abusive. He repeatedly cheated on me, gaslit me, physically and sexually abused me, and left me with financial problems. Almost a year later, I’m in a healthy relationship, but I still struggle with flashbacks, anxiety, and trust issues. I’m trying to understand how to move forward when the relationship is over but the effects are still there.
Before Ryan, I was with Evan for four years. He was my first boyfriend and best friend, and I genuinely thought we’d have a future together. I eventually ended things because I wasn’t happy, but I jumped into another relationship too quickly and cut Evan out of my life completely. I don’t want to get back together with him, but sometimes I miss who I was back then and wish things hadn’t changed so much.
Ryan seemed perfect at first. Things moved quickly, and I was vulnerable enough to believe what he told me. Eventually, I discovered he’d been cheating on me with multiple women, lying to me, and making me question my own reality. Whenever I confronted him, he’d turn things around on me or threaten to leave. His ex, Paige, tried to warn me, but Ryan convinced me she was crazy and dangerous, so I believed him instead.
For months, I was constantly anxious and questioning myself. I didn’t fully understand how much he’d lied until after we broke up, when I learned more about what had actually been happening behind my back. Realizing that things I’d been accused of imagining were true was devastating. I felt like I couldn’t trust my own judgment anymore.
The abuse went beyond cheating and emotional manipulation. Ryan choked me until I passed out while I was lying in bed watching TV. When I came to, I was panicking, sweating, nauseated, and had a racing heart. He blamed me because I hadn’t told him to stop. He also slapped me, spit on me, sexually humiliated me, and made degrading comments about my body.
He took money from me and my family, too. I cosigned for his car, he used my credit card toward the down payment, and after the car was repossessed, I was left dealing with around $8,000 in associated debt. I’m still dealing with the financial consequences of that relationship.
It’s been almost a year since the relationship ended, and I’m still struggling with anxiety, flashbacks, panic, and trust issues. Sometimes reminders catch me off guard, including during intimacy with my current boyfriend. I love him, and I know he’s not Ryan, but sometimes my body reacts before I can even process what’s happening.
I haven’t fully explained to my boyfriend how much Ryan still affects me because I’m scared he’ll think I’m being dramatic over a relationship that lasted only nine months. I recently had a panic response during intimacy that brought back what Ryan did to me, and I haven’t told him how badly it affected me afterward. I hate that something from my past can follow me into a relationship where I’m genuinely happy.
I also struggle when I look at old pictures of myself. I miss the person I was before Ryan, when I didn’t constantly question myself or wonder whether people were lying to me. I know healing takes time, but it’s frustrating to feel like I’m still dealing with him when he’s no longer in my life.
I’m trying to move forward, and I’m grateful to be in a healthier relationship, but I feel like I’m still carrying so much from what happened. I don’t want my past to keep affecting my relationship or the way I see myself.
For people who have experienced infidelity or emotional and physical abuse:
How long did it take for the lasting effects to become more manageable? I know everyone heals differently, but sometimes I worry that I’ll always feel this way.
How did you learn to trust yourself and other people again? The gaslighting and cheating left me questioning my own judgment.
How did you handle triggers in a new, healthy relationship? I love my boyfriend, but sometimes things bring back memories I don’t want to relive.
How did you stop missing the person you were before the abuse? I feel like I lost a part of myself, and I don’t know how to get her back.
I’m not looking for anyone to tell me to get over it. I’m trying to heal, and I know the relationship being over doesn’t automatically mean the damage is gone. I just want to hear from people who’ve been through somethi similar and learn what actually helped them move forward.