We’re [25 m and 25f] dating for a bit more than a year now and we live 20 minutes apart. He works 8-5 and I work less because I’m also studying, so my schedule is more relaxed. The problem is that he only wants to meet properly on Friday evening or Saturday. Sometimes he comes for an hour after work. And very very rarely he sleeps over after work.
I feel bad that he doesn’t want to see me during work days. I get that he’s tired but I don’t want him to do anything special. I just want to be near and watch a show together or smth. And I often cook for him if he stays over as well. And I brought it up so many times that I feel like he doesn’t want to see me or doesn’t miss me. But he always says that he’s just too tired or that he prefers to leave for work from his home (he doesn’t invite me to his place either). And during the week he says often that he misses me but it just doesn’t make any sense to me and makes me angry. If he misses me then he would come and see me !??
We had this period when I was basically inviting myself to his place and came there after his work and had to leave at 7 am with him because he doesn’t have second set of keys. And I sacrificed my sleep, my comfort so we could see each other. Then I stopped because I got tired and realized it’s not appreciated. And he never really invited me there since. So we just stopped seeing each other during the work week

I’m just so frustrated and mostly because I just don’t understand the logic. How can you miss me but refuse to hang out with me and then he gets offended when I say that he just doesn’t want to see me.
I just don’t know what to do and how to accept his way of seeing each other. Maybe someone can explain that this is normal?? Do a lot of couples see each other like that too?

TL;DR: my boyfriend doesn’t want to see me during the work week even though he says that he misses me a lot

For context, this is my first relationship and we have only been dating for around 3 months (still very early stages) and whilst i really enjoy her company as a person, i think whenever there is a conflict, big or small, there is a struggle in our communication with eachother to resolve problems effectively and calmly. For instance, the other day i had accidently left food in her oven and it had grown mold in which i take full responsibility and accountability for, but upon discovery while we were on the phone, she immediately lashed out saying phrases like "i hate you", and "shut up". When i tried speaking, she told me to stop talking as she didnt want to hear my voice, and ended the call immediately when i asked if she wanted me to end the call. It has now been a few days of no contact. I believe there is an underlying issue here as in our other conflicts, eg when i bring up any concerns, she frequently uses phrases such as "im sorry i'm not xyz" or "go find a better girlfriend then". I'm not claiming to be a perfect person, but i genuinely just want to know if this is a normal thing in a relationship as this is my first, and if there is any room for the disrespect to change? I seriously want to see and build a future with this person, but i feel disrespected and belittled everytime we have a conflict, and am often left yelled at or feeling dismissed when they go ghost. Thank you for taking the time to read this if you made it to the end. 

tl;dr Girlfriend and I cant solve conflicts without any yelling or disrespect to be involved. Issues are often not resolved and left worse before we talked about. How do i approach this in the healthiest manner?

Last week, my wife told me she that she regrets getting married so young (we’ve been married for 3 years), and that she isn’t sure if she still loves me. A few days later she said she does love me and wants to try to make things work.

Since this has happened I’ve felt my own romantic feelings for her fade, I’m not sure if I’m just hurt and trying to protect myself or if they’re actually just gone. I’ve made an effort to have long conversations and ask her on a date, but haven’t felt any sort of effort on her end. She told me that she had been hiding her true feelings for a few months now.

Everything is so fresh, I feel like I should wait it out and give her time. But I also just want to go. I also can’t shake the feeling that there’s another man involved, but I also can’t prove it.

I can’t decide how long I should wait, when my gut tells me to just go.

TLDR: married 3 years, wife isn’t sure if she still loves me, wanted to leave then came back. I’m not sure if I should wait or just go.

I’m wondering if this relationship is worth continuing or if it’s over. Sorry this story is kinda long. For some backstory I 20F have been with my bf 26M for 3.5 years. We moved in together about a year and a half ago. Before moving in together we were long distance, but we did visit each other three times for at least a week. While we were long distance our intimate life was great. He made me feel beautiful and I was satisfied even with our distance. When we would visit we would have intimacy every day. Since moving in together that had pretty much died. We were living with my parents for the first couple months, so I understand that, but after moving to our own apartment it didn’t get better. I was the only one ever initiating, and he didn’t really give me a second glance when we should shower together or I’d be in a nice outfit. I have had multiple conversations with him about how important this part of a relationship is to me and I’m met with “well I don’t know why I don’t feel like it” and “I’ll try to do better” and then nothing changes. I have looked through his phone and I can’t find any evidence of cheating or anything like that, but I have caught him on two occasions watching porn. I really didn’t like this and it rubbed me the wrong way, but we worked through it and I let it go. I have not changed anything about my appearance since we have been together, and I have not gained or lost any weight. I really don’t know what the issue is or if he’s just not interested in me anymore. We had a pretty big fight in September about my issue with our intimacy and his stress with work and it almost ended in a breakup; this was the saddest I had felt in a long time I was devastated. He’s a great guy in every other aspect, he’s patient, kind, and always helps around the house. I really want to try and save this relationship, but I just don’t know what to do; any advice is very appreciated. So, should we try to make this relationship work?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years, but since moving in together, our intimate life has declined significantly. I’ve repeatedly explained that I feel unwanted and that intimacy is important to me, but although he says he’ll try to improve things, nothing changes. He’s also dealing with work stress, and we nearly broke up over this recently. I love him and want to make things work, but I don’t know how to address this when we can’t seem to make progress.

Our 6 month anniversary is coming up in November, which is by far the longest continuous relationship either of us have ever had. I love her so much and i know she does too. We’re at university together and honestly we really struggle not to just hangout all the time.

Now to my point. I feel a very strong emotional connection with her but we never really have those deep talks. The ones sitting on the side of the street at 2am. Or after a big argument when you really get into your feelings. Or lying in bed together telling eachother everything.

In past relationships girls have really gotten into that sort of thing and i have too, and i think its a missing piece in my relationship. We talk about getting married and our children and where we’d live etc etc but im yet to properly delve into her feelings, or her into mine. The closest we’ve been to it was writing letters to eachother when we were travelling and spent 7 weeks apart. But i still crave that talk where we just say anything and everything.

Recently she has casually mentioned past family relationship issues and told me a fair bit about how they have affected her growing up. I reciprocated but not to the extent she did. I feel like 6 months is a long time to go without properly talking about fears, worst memories, hardships, etc.
But now im unsure of how to approach it. Do i just start talking to her about myself one night? I don’t know.

Does anyone know a good way to get into this sort of chat, and, does anyone else find it a tad bit concerning what Ive talked about in this post?

TL;DR: my gf and i love eachother but we never talk about our deepest feelings which makes me sad because i love those sorts of talks

My dad used to be the calmest man I knew. After he went blind, he became someone I can't live around.

I (26M) grew up in a low-income family in a third world country. He was quiet and patient, never raised his voice, and I always felt his love. He developed a serious eye condition in his 30s, which is very rare at that age. It hit him hard, but he kept going, his business took off, and he paid for me to study abroad in Australia at 19. I stayed there for five years without coming home, just calls here and there. In my first year there, he went completely blind.

When I came home at 24, he was a different person. He's angry and bitter, yells constantly, and fights with my mom daily. He tells her she's "not enough." Once he told her that if he could turn back time, he'd choose to stay single and not have her or me, because he isn't happy. He gets furious if she or I go out anywhere. He trash-talks us and our employees, and he once joked in front of my staff that he'd snap their necks if they messed up. He rewrites past events so that my mom and I are always the ones who were wrong, and I no longer trust his version of anything.

Money is a big part of it. My mom and I live comfortably but modestly in a farmhouse in a quiet rural area, while my dad pays for my uncles' luxury lifestyles: big houses, nice cars, designer bags, all funded by him. Yet he's furious if my mom spends even a few hundred dollars, and he gets angry at me for spending my own money on my own things.

It's also reached my personal life. He told my mom, who then told me, that he doesn't understand why I'd stay with my girlfriend since she's "poor." Her family's income has never mattered to me. He has also told me to pretend I'm single so I can get close to women's families and pick up business opportunities. I told my mom that was crazy.

I came back partly to start a business, and he loaned me some money as startup capital, so he's a minority shareholder. He has his own, much bigger business, yet he constantly accuses me and my employees of stealing from him. Every failure is my fault and every success is his, even though he does nothing day to day.

For context, he also has other health problems and is under a lot of stress from his own business. I suggested through my mom that he see a psychiatrist, but she's too afraid to bring it up with him, and he doesn't believe in doctors.

My business brings in about $27k a month net profit for me after tax on average, and almost everyone I've talked to says I'd be crazy to walk away from that and should just tough it out. But I can't live and work around him anymore, and my mental health is in bad shape. Soon I'm leaving it all behind to restart from zero in Australia. My mom supports my decision, but I feel guilty leaving her alone in this situation. And honestly, what I've written here isn't even half of it.

What I'm asking:

1. Does a change this sharp sound like grief or depression after sudden vision loss, or just who he's become? Would his other health problems and stress explain part of it? Would that change how I handle it?
2. Is walking away from my business a good decision for my mental health?
3. My mom wants me to go, but I feel terrible leaving her with him. How do I leave without abandoning her, and how do I support her from abroad?

TL;DR: My dad went from gentle to angry, controlling and paranoid after losing his sight. He's told my mom he wishes he'd never had a family, and he judges my girlfriend for being poor. I'm leaving a business that nets me ~$27k/month, where he's a shareholder, to protect my mental health. My mom supports it, but I feel guilty leaving her behind. Am I doing the right thing?

Hi everyone. I'm looking for relationship advice because I'm in a difficult situation and don't have anyone I can comfortably talk to about it. I'm in my 20s, he's in his 40s, and we've been together for nine months.

He's a Muslim man who is already married and has children. When we started our relationship, he explained that his religion allows a man to have more than one wife under certain conditions. He told me he intended to marry me and eventually introduce me to his wife and family. His wife knew about our relationship and was okay with it initially.

However, things changed when she became pregnant. She started asking him to end our relationship and threatened to ask for a divorce if he didn't separate from me. Since then, he's been spending much less time with me, and we barely see each other.

I've tried to understand his situation because I know he has responsibilities toward his wife and children. I also come from a broken family, so I don't want to contribute to a situation that could hurt his children. I'm not blaming his religion or his family. I'm struggling with the difference between the future he told me we could have and what our relationship looks like now.

He keeps telling me that he cannot leave his family for me. I understand that, but I wish he hadn't given me so much hope if he wasn't sure he could follow through with his promises.

We're still talking and occasionally seeing each other. Sometimes, he even takes time off work to spend time with me. Those moments make it difficult for me to let go because I still love him, and he was my first in so many things.

I'm new to Dubai and don't have close friends here, so I've been keeping everything to myself. Part of me wants to hold on because of our feelings and memories, while another part of me knows that our current situation is hurting me.

I'm looking for advice from people who have experienced complicated relationships or have been in situations where they loved someone but couldn't have the future they expected.

How can I start detaching emotionally from someone I still love when we're still in contact and occasionally see each other?

How do I handle the uncertainty when he says he loves me but also says he cannot give me the future we discussed? Would taking a complete break from contact help me move forward, even if I'm not emotionally ready to let him go?

I'd appreciate practical advice on setting boundaries, dealing with the loneliness, and learning to move forward without feeling like all the memories we shared meant nothing.

I'm not looking to blame anyone. I genuinely want to understand how to handle this situation and make a decision that's healthier for me.

TL;DR: I'm in my 20s and have been in a relationship with a married man in his 40s for nine months. He initially promised me a future together, but after his wife became pregnant, he started spending less time with me and now says he cannot leave his family. We still talk and occasionally see each other, which makes it difficult for me to let go. I still love him, but I'm struggling with whether to keep holding on or go no-contact so I can heal. How do I detach emotionally and move forward when I'm not ready to let go?

This might be a long one but here we go. My partner(NB28) of two years and I(F30) have been fighting a lot lately. We have our moments here and there, but it’s been worse especially during the last month or so and there are a lot of external factors at play. I want to make things work, and I do believe that we can, but I kind of just want to see how this looks from the outside and maybe someone will have some helpful advice for how we can work through things.

Let me start by saying they are a wonderfully kind, considerate, and thoughtful person. They buy me flowers, they remember things I like, they make me coffee and breakfast in bed (they’re a chef), and too many other things to list here or this post would go on forever. They also had a very difficult childhood. I won’t say all the details here because that isn’t my story to tell but they have a lot of trauma and a strained relationship with most of their family. I have the opposite situation - my family is solid and supportive and would do anything for me.

We both have struggled/still struggle with mental illness. They have diagnosed bipolar disorder and so do I (though I question whether my diagnosis was true). I was also recently diagnosed with OCD. They are on two psychiatric medications and are stable and doing much better than before their diagnosis. I was diagnosed with epilepsy 6 years ago and have been on medication for that. That diagnosis and experience of having tonic-clonic seizures (about one per year, the most recent was 2 weeks ago) has really impacted my anxiety.

My partner has been really struggling with their mental health this last year and a half or so. Long story short, various life events triggered PTSD from their childhood and their self-esteem really plummeted. My anxiety affected my ability to support them - I would jump to conclusions about them and assume the worst which would hurt their feelings. BUT I worked at it and I was starting to improve by late February of this year. Then, one of my biggest fears came true. My father passed away suddenly in March. No warning signs, just dropped dead on the way to work. My world was SHATTERED and I’ve been struggling emotionally since then.

After that, my partner was totally supportive- spending extra time with me, cooking for my mom and I, etc. I went back to work the week after my dad passed and just pushed through the end of the school year even though it was really really hard. My partner always was there to comfort me and even encouraged me (and still does) to be honest about my feelings and let my tears out if I need to. They went back to work too but were always complaining to me about how tough their job is, how hard it is to go to work while they’re grieving, etc. It made me resent them a little bit because I was also struggling but I was pushing through. I did ask them to once in a while acknowledge that while yes, they also missed my dad a lot and were grieving, it does not compare to the pain I felt losing my father. They understood where I was coming from. They did share with me a little later on that they were still struggling a lot with their mental health and that made things a little more clear to me and I could see why they struggled so much. I think I’m still harboring some of this resentment and it’s making me get frustrated and angry with them a lot more than I ever used to. I also understand that that is totally on me and not their fault.

We’ve also not been intimate as often lately. Neither of us were really “in the mood” right after my dad passed because we were both just so sad all the time. Now, though, it’s not improving as quickly as it should and it’s mostly my issue now. I just haven’t had a strong libido lately. We haven’t been counting or anything but it’s been VERY infrequent. I really gotta solve that problem because it’s only my libido that isn’t back now. My partner is upset about it and so am I because I do miss it - I just can’t seem to get out of my head enough to find the desire. One issue though is that it’s affecting their self-esteem - they need to hear me say that I miss it more frequently and see me take action to do something about it because they feel worried that they aren’t as attractive. I want to take accountability and put in some effort on my end to try things to improve it.

This morning we had another fight about my general anger and coldness toward them in addition to their self-esteem issues and came to the conclusion that we both need to go back to therapy and work on ourselves. It started with them saying I need to work on myself but they also listened to me and gave me time to tell them that it goes both ways. They are exhausted from listening to me be angry and irritable and irrationally anxious all the time and I’m exhausted from hearing them complain about how hard their life is and how insecure they are.

We both believe we can make this work, and really want to. I also know logically I am responsible for a lot of these issues - while my dad’s passing has affected me severely, it is not my partner’s responsibility to sit there while I take out all my feelings on them.

TLDR; I have bad anxiety and OCD, my partner has self esteem issues and CPTSD, my dad died, and we’re both fighting a lot because I am harboring some lingering resentment toward them. How do I stop taking my anger out on them? Also, are my feelings of resentment totally out of left field?

EDIT: to fix my questions to be more specific

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years but I feel like I’m losing my love for her. The sex isn’t great and I haven’t been intimate with her in a while. I feel like sometimes it’s hard to talk with her. Like she’s on her phone a lot and she just sleeps all day when I want to do things with her. I feel like sometimes I find other women attractive but I would never cheat on her. I’m really lost and I care a lot about her but I’m not sure what to do, it keeps me up at night wondering if I should break things off. What do you guys think would be the best thing for me to do?

TLDR: I feel like I’m losing interest in my girlfriend.

For context I (23M) suffer with Asperger's syndrome and I really struggle with understanding my own emotions. She suffers with NEAD and PTSD so she struggles with seizures and mental health problems. We have been together for 2 and a half years and we have lived together for 1 and a half years.

During that time she hasn't been able to work a lot or properly help with the finantial side of the relationship and I have had to look after her a hell of a lot because of her disability physically and mentally. Because of this we have an agreement that she does most of the house work since i work for us both. But recently I feel like I don't have the energy to look after her anymore or give her what is it she wants from me. Be that doing the cleaning because shes exhausted from a seizure or giving her the emotional comfort that she wants.

She recently noticed the change and brought it up with me. The TLDR from the converstion was that I don't know if I still love her or if I'd would rather not be in a relationship anymore and just be on my own. Because of my aspergers I really struggle to understand my emotions without looking at the logical reasonings behind how things should probably make me feel. I can't decide if i still love her because there are things that i would do for her if I did love her that i currently don't, or I do things that i feel like i wouldn't do if i did love her. If that makes sense? Its kinda the same with being together or not. I like having her there sometimes but i really like having time to myself and I don't think i have the energy for the things that come with a relationship.

She has told me that she still loves me but does't want to fight for something I'm not going to as well, which i completely agree with. We're on this break for me to figure things out on my end.

I just feel stuck with all these "do I, don't I?" thoughts and i don't know what to do because it's not that i don't care about her anymore and i have tried to change things to make it better for her. I don't know if i can be who she wants me to be but i also don't want to lose her and it's just sending me into a spiral

I 26F have been dating my boyfriend 26M for almost two years now. We got pregnant relatively fast in our relationship & at present we have a 2 month old baby.

When I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend admitted he didn’t want the baby and wanted to abort. He has a 3 year old daughter from his previous long term relationship. I didn’t want to abort and gave him the option to not be involved with the baby or me and that we could go our separate ways and around 2-3 months of me being pregnant he decided he wanted to stay together and have our son.

When I was around 4-5 months pregnant my boyfriend fell asleep with his phone unlocked after spending all night in the living room playing playstation. I was swiping closed his apps because some instagram reel was playing over and over and it woke me up. When I was closing the apps grindr was installed and he had been messaging men asking for pictures & telling them he could meet them across the street from our house in a field to have sex in his car. It didn’t get that far because he was drunk and fell asleep… obviously with his phone unlocked playing a video on instagram.

Obviously I freaked out and I temporarily broke up with him, but being the dumb woman I am I eventually forgave him and moved back into our house that we own.

I felt bad because I knew he didn’t want a baby and I blamed him cheating on the pressure of having our son soon. He assured me it wouldn’t happen again and I genuinely believed him.

I have to add that I had no clue that him liking men or trans-women was a thing, but he admitted his interest in trannys and in gay sex, but says he doesn’t wanna date anyone with a penis, but he would have sex with them and has had sex with trannys and men before… None of this i had any clue about AT ALL. But that’s neither here nor there.

When I was three weeks postpartum I found her had a second snapchat account where he had added all trannys and gay men from multiple apps and websites. Like grindr and fetlife and had been messaging these people on snapchat and discord exchanging nudes, saying he wanted to meet up with them for 3 months. and had been logged into that account texting people the same day I went into labor. There were so many people added, so many nude pictures and videos. He was messaging these people while at work and while I was at work and I looked at the dates and times and sometimes he would be messaging right before I walked in the door from work.

I am still living with him currently as our baby is only 8 weeks old and I need a lot of help with him. I’m still on maternity leave and don’t go back for 3.5 more weeks.

My boyfriend insists on not being “gay” even thought he’s clearly definitely interested in men. He had me put parental controls on his phone that block him from downloading any apps, going on any adult websites, and deleting his search history. He leaves his phone with me all of the time so I can know he’s not behind my back cheating on me.

I want to leave him and I know I probably should because if I forgive him again he will most likely cheat on me again, but he assures me that he is fully committed to me now.

He admitted to not loving me fully, and not being 100% into our relationship because he felt like he was repeating the same mistakes he did with his ex (they also had a baby very early in their relationship) and that he’s very insecure and convinced himself that I wanted to break up with him which made him even more insecure in our relationship. He also admitted to having a porn addiction and that he felt like he was trapped in a “cycle” of logging in the account… getting the videos and sending the videos, but then being disgusted with himself after he finished.

I want to believe him and I have alot of sympathy for him, but it just doesn’t excuse what he did a lot.

Even thought we are still together, my current plan is to move out on my own with our son when he is around 6 months old and split custody. I just feel really guilty about it for some reason even thought I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I mostly just feel bad for my son.

what would you do if you were in this situation?

Tl;Dr caught my boyfriend on grindr when I was 4 months pregnant. how should I go about separating our lives?

Tl;Dr my boyfriends and I are on seperate pages do I wait or cut my losses.

So my boyfriend and I got together young I was 20 him 18 it’s been 5 years we have had plenty of ups and downs, but now I’m feeling like we’re not on the same page. I know there’s a small age gap less than 2 years however maybe that’s why hes not ready to grow up or maybe it just bc hes a man. He plays video games all the time he has a job however In all his free time he plays ps5 with his friends that live 2 hours away. It’s so bad that when my appendix ruptured and I needed emergency surgery he would make me wait to pee before he helped me out of bed bc he was in the middle of a game he couldn’t pause. He stayed up till 4 the night it ruptured and at 6 am I asked him to call an ambulance he refused n went to sleep. any time I want to talk about the seriousness of our relationship it’s like a parrot or talking to a wall. It’s either “it’s messed up I ignore you I’ll do better” or it’s “mhmm” hes said he doesn’t want to break up and has continuously gone back to treating me the same after fixing his behavior for a day or two. We used to live together bc I had no where to stay and I thought maybe we were too close and getting annoyed with eachother. I ended up moving out we’re still together but absence did not make his heart grow fonder. I still love him and I’ve also had my share of not being the best I used to yell a lot and have outbursts but I went to therapy and I’m a completely different person now him and his family agree. Hes not a man of many words and I pour my heart out into every conversation. Now the worst part. When we first got together I strongly did not want children he felt the same the only thing is I’m 25 and my maternal clock started ticking. He still doesn’t want kids, but also doesn’t want to break up. I offered to let him be a sperm donor to me instead of a traditional father hed only be responsible for giving sperm. I gave him 6 months to decide and it’s only been 2 months however he admitted he hasn’t thought about it much still. Should I take this as the hundredth sign to let the relationship go? It gets even worse tho bc I work at his house for his mom and I can’t imagine not being part of his family or his best friend. We make eachother laugh and find comfort in eachother but wouldn’t it be weird to be friends with my ex I still love. Is this relationship worth being in I know it probably sounds bad and obvious but my feelings and logic aren’t matching

Hi! My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) have been together for almost 3 months. We’ve been long-distance for 2 months, but he flew out to visit me about a month ago, and he's actually coming to see me again in a week. 

Lately he’s been struggling a lot with his mental health. He’s been feeling like a failure because he’s not in college and doesn't know what he wants to do with his life after high school. “I didn't think I would make it this far”. I understand those feelings. I'm currently in college, and I've struggled with being unhappy with what I'm doing, but I've been actively working on it and trying to make things better. 

The problem is that our nightly phone calls have been increasingly turning into him spiraling. He starts hyperventilating, shutting down, and trying to push me away. At least once that I know of, he's been close to hurting himself. The other night I was talking him out of hurting himself. 

He frequently says things like, “I should just let you go,” or “It’s okay, you don't need to worry,” and tries to get me off the phone because he feels bad about having me worried. I’ve started trying not to show how worried I am because it seems to be making things worse when he hears how upset I am. But I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it without making his situation worse. 

He refuses to see a therapist. He’s said before that he doesn't trust therapists, but I don't know if there's a specific reason or if he’s just scared to admit he needs help. I know I can't keep being his therapist, but I feel like I'm being put in that position anyway. I'm already struggling with adjusting to college, being in a new place, and meeting new people. I’m scared that constantly trying to manage his mental health is going to make my mental health deteriorate. 

I also feel trapped because I don't know who I can talk to about this. He’s told me about a previous experience where he opened up to someone about his mental health, and that person used it against him and threatened to tell other people. I don't want to betray his trust or make him feel worse. 

What's especially confusing to me is what happens after these episodes. Once he's calmed down enough to be coherent, he’ll say things like "I'm sorry I put you through all that for nothing," "I'll never do it again," or "I'll never bother you again." But then it happens again the next night. Sometimes he'll say things like, "My poor baby. I'm so sorry," and I can't help feeling like the focus is being shifted onto me and how much he's hurt me instead of addressing what's happening.

But then again, he doesn't seem willing to accept comfort from me. I’ll try to reassure him that he matters and that things can get better, but sometimes he’ll literally take his headphones off so he doesn't have to listen to me. I end up pleading with him to talk to me and to listen to me and to let me help him. It hurts because I want to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. Sometimes I want to shut down and pull away too, but I don't because I feel like I need to be there for him. 

There have also been situations where I feel like he's pressuring me about my future. I’ve set myself up to potentially graduate college early, but I don't feel like I need to rush, I don't want to rush. I’m still figuring out what I want to do with my life, and I don't want to choose a degree or overload myself with classes just to finish as quickly as possible. When I've mentioned that I might need all four years to graduate, he's responded with things like, "Nooo, what about me?" and said he doesn't know if he can wait four years. And that really sets me off. I don't feel like I'm being supported in doing what **I** want to do. 

I've also told him that I want to finish college before getting married and that I think couples should date for a number of years before getting married. He's seemed to agree, but he's also sent me social media posts about wanting "his last name on a degree." Honestly, that bothers me. I want my own last name on my degree. I'm the one earning it, and I'm proud of that. I don't want to feel like my accomplishments have to be tied to a future husband's name, its my achievement, not his. 

At this point, I'm hesitant to tell him about the things I'm considering doing in college because I'm worried he'll pressure me to finish sooner or make me feel like I'm not prioritizing him. I want to be able to make decisions about my own education without feeling guilty for potentially taking longer than he wants me to.

I also feel like I'm constantly being made to prove that I care about him. He's said before that he thinks I don't care because I don't ask to call him very often. But he's also almost always busy with family, traveling, or spending time with friends. I don't want to interrupt the time he's already set aside for other people. When I ask if he can call and he can't, I feel stupid for asking, like I should have known he was busy. But when he chooses to step away from other people to call me, I feel guilty for pulling him away from them. Either way, I end up feeling like I've done something wrong.

I'm starting to question whether this relationship is healthy for me. I love him so much, and that's part of what makes this so difficult. I've spent years single, figuring out what I wanted in a partner and what kinds of relationships I didn't want to end up in. I was genuinely happy when I finally found someone I felt I could trust. Now I'm scared that I might have made the wrong choice, and I'm terrified of going back to being alone.

But I also know I can't keep doing this. I can't keep spending my nights trying to talk him through these episodes when he won't listen to me or accept help. I have a breaking point, too, and I'm scared of reaching it. At the same time, I'm terrified that if I tell him I can't keep doing this, he'll hurt himself and I'll feel responsible.

I sometimes even question whether his threats to hurt himself are becoming a way of proving that I care about him. I hate thinking that because I don't want to believe he's intentionally manipulating me. But when he tells me he feels like I don't care, I feel completely broken. If I didn't care, would I be spending hours trying to help him? Would I be trying so hard to find solutions? I genuinely don't know how to handle this anymore.

Our conversations can feel like a lose-lose situation. For example:

Him: "I just wanna be done."

Me: "You're going to get through this."

Him: "We'll see."

Me: "No. No 'we'll see.' You're going to get through this."

Or:

Him: "Stop trying. Stop. Just stop."

Me: "Why?"

Him: "It makes me feel like I'm using you."

I don't know what I'm supposed to do in those situations. If I try to help, he gets upset and feels guilty. If I stop trying, I worry that he'll feel abandoned or think I don't care. I feel like I'm responsible for keeping him okay, but nothing I do seems to be enough.

I know I've handled my own mental health differently. When I was really struggling, I eventually realized that I needed to take action to get better, and I've continued working on myself to avoid falling back into that place. Sometimes I wonder if seeing me make progress makes him feel worse about his own situation. I don't want him to compare himself to me, but I also don't think I should have to stop working on myself because he's struggling.

I'm beginning to wonder whether he's looking for support or whether he's starting to rely on these episodes to get reassurance from me. I don't want to accuse him of attention-seeking when I know he's genuinely struggling, but it's becoming harder to tell the difference between him needing help and a dynamic that's hurting both of us.

I have my own first therapy appointment scheduled for early November, but I honestly don't know if I can keep going like this until then. He's coming to visit me in a week, and I don't know whether I should be looking forward to that or worrying about what things will be like in person.

I'm not necessarily looking for advice on how to fix his mental health. I know that's something he ultimately needs to work on himself, and I can't do it for him. I'm looking for advice about the relationship itself.

Am I overthinking this because he's struggling, or are these signs of emotional manipulation? How do I set boundaries without feeling like I'm abandoning him? Is this relationship something I should keep trying to work on, or is it healthier to walk away before I completely burn myself out?

I love him, and I don't want to give up on him just because he's going through a difficult time. But I also don't want to lose myself trying to save someone who isn't willing to help himself.

TL;DR: My (18F) long-distance boyfriend (18M) and I have been together for almost two months. He's been struggling with his mental health, and our nightly calls have turned into episodes where he spirals, sometimes threatens to hurt himself, and pushes away my attempts to help. He refuses therapy, and I feel like I'm becoming responsible for keeping him okay at the expense of my own mental health. He's also made comments that make me feel pressured to rush college and our future together. I love him, but I'm starting to wonder whether this is emotional manipulation or an unhealthy relationship dynamic. How do I set boundaries, and should I stay in this relationship?

so i’m literally in tears rn as im telling this story but basically im crying because me and my ex are in contact right now and we have been for 3 days. It all started by me following his tik tok account then i unfollowed in the night like 12am ish. 20 minutes after i did that he followed me and then texted me and said hi and we began to talk. The thing is he has been so consistent like he texts me in the morning or like when he does something but not in uni ( we both attend diff universities) he only texts me when he’s home which i get you’re busy focused on school but i feel so like thrown to the side which is like i know we aren’t together but why are u being so consistent and ur texting and being nice to me but im also crying because it feels like we aren’t talking a lot because if he’s not in uni hes studying which again is what we are all supposed to be focused on especially me but it’s like idk i make time for the ppl i care about and i guess im not on that list for him…. but he makes it seem so. Tonight he went to bed without telling me gn at all and i just feel so dumb like i really thought this was gonna be something more. Idk what to do i can’t live like this with him not commiting to me but i don’t want to lose him again. Basically we broke up because he told me he lost feelings for me ( he basically went back to his ex of something) . we were in no contact for 3 months and now he’s being so nice like he’s consistent but it’s still not enough. Idk why im crying liek why am i so freaking nervous . And if I dont reply he would seem like he cares and all of that uk?? He even complimented me and is being so sweet and like actually trying but i feel like its very not often its just rare consistency
tl;dr

I (23M) have lived with my gf(23F) since i was in second year and that was in 2022, sept, rn we’re in oct 2026 and I earlier told her that I wanna live alone and she got mad at me to the point she even stopped talking to me for some hours. I genuinely miss the way things were before when we were living separately, the visits were so cute and amazing…i mean I liked them. I could be so intentional in the things I did back then.
There was a time when I said i wanted to move out and live on my own, she became so furious and hit me, even threatened to crash my console and tv, claiming I’ve been wasting her time. Another time she hit me too when I told her that I wanted to live alone. All these times she always found a way to sweet talk me that made me choose not to leave.
She said she’d stop it and recently when I told her that i was tired and I really wanted to live alone, she didn’t hit me but just went silent for hours after shouting at me saying that i wanna go and fuck other girls out there despite me being loyal to her all these years we have been together.
The reason I wanna live alone is cause i just want some personal growth, I feel like I’ve not grown into who I am without anyone’s influence, she then started saying I need to move out as soon as possible despite her knowing that I dont have cash to move out atm. She knows very well if I were to move out, id ensure she is sorted with where she’s going to live.… yes we later talked and I calmed down and she asked me not to move out but I still feel like I want to. Idk what to do guys just help me out on this.
This then made me remember what she has always been telling me.. that she wouldnt wanna be with someone who theyve dated for long without getting married cause its like bringing shame to her. I Told her that I dont wanna get married till I’m atleast thirty….she then started getting mad at me saying I dont like her , I dont want her and im just wasting her time…I want a kid in future but from her perspective she doesn’t want one.
She is always comparing herself to my siblings, my mom..there was this time she asked me if my mum was in the hospital and she’s also in the hospital who would I go to? I told her my mom cause her mom can come to where she’s at. And mind you for the past two years whenever she needed someone to take her to the hospital I was always there taking care of her. Even in the wee hours of 2,3am i was there with her. Tbh It’s starting to feel more like we’re married when we’re just dating bro and I don’t like this dynamic. Cause ive tried explaining all these thin gs to her but it seems like she can’t understand any of them. Another issue is when I tell her we’re just dating and not married she starts saying that I mean she’s not that important to me, i don’t value her like she values me.

There was a time she wanted to see her ex who was a lady and I said its fine, she came to where we live and I left then she told me that her ex licked her p***y for like a few seconds before she made her stop. A year down the line, she calls this girl again now with me seated next to her, she starts flirting while I’m there, I didn’t throw any tantrums, I was just listening and wanted to see how thjngs will turn out without my influence.
Last night I found her wanting to call her other lady ex…when I confronted her ab it, she told me that she just wanted to hear her side of the story since her ex was saying that she’s the bad one…despite us making clear rules that we would never reach out to any of our exes…

Tl;dr

TL;DR: I (23M) have lived with my GF (23F) since 2022, but I genuinely miss having my own space and want to live alone for personal growth. Whenever I bring it up, she gets angry, accuses me of wanting other women, and has previously hit me and threatened to destroy my belongings. She also pressures me to marry before I’m ready (I want to wait until at least 30), while I want children someday and she doesn’t. She often compares herself to my family and makes me feel guilty for prioritizing them, despite me consistently being there for her, including during hospital visits. On top of that, she’s crossed boundaries with her exes, including flirting with one in front of me and wanting to contact another despite our agreement not to contact exes. I feel like our relationship has become more like a marriage than dating, and my need for independence isn’t being respected. I’ve tried explaining how I feel, but nothing seems to change. Am I wrong for wanting to move out, and is this relationship still worth fighting for?