Chicken parm, bucatini and white wine because it’s a comfort food for me and it’s the best I can do to celebrate my bday.

⚠️TW:DV⚠️

I posted here last week about how my husband abused me after a drunken argument. A lot of you mentioned how dangerous all he has done to me is and how much I normalized it, so I finally told my family. They weren’t very supportive at first. Many said it wasn’t that big of a deal or that they didn’t want to get in the middle of things since “we’re married and probably going to make up anyway”. But I realized I was terrified of dying at his hands and no one would notice or care. All I have wanted for a very long time is to be happy, healthy, and safe (and it’s come to my attention this is the bare minimum). So I kept pushing the issue and I finally did it. I finally got someone to understand my fear and help me. A family member agreed to let me stay with them, made a gfm to help with moving/court costs, I’m applying for childcare subsidies, I’m looking into help securing an apartment of my own, and I honestly wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the reality check you guys gave me. I’m still very much so lost and scared. But I’m so happy that I can start to work towards better. Or at the very least just breathe. Thanks so much for being realistic with me and supportive during this difficult transition. Any advice or tips during this time are welcomed and appreciated (I’m now a single mom/DV survivor in my mid 20s and don’t have much guidance/people to turn to). I have no clue what the future holds right now but I feel like this is a win (or at least a step in the right direction) so I shall continue to rest and eat but I shall also drink my wine and try to be merry. Happy birthday to the little girl in me who needed the reminder that we deserve better.

The meal: Boursin tomato bruschetta and some crusty bread. Not pictured: Fennel Salami 

Today I hit 90 days alcohol free! I’m 30 years old and have struggled with my relationship with alcohol pretty consistently for about 8 years. Drinking alone was my absolute vice of choice, and I loved it, but it was absolutely ruining my life. Shortly after my 30th birthday this summer, I hit a breaking point in my depression and anxiety that was entirely alcohol-induced, and knew I had to make the change for good. Something about that 30 years old milestone had me ready to finally quit. 

Today I hit 90 days sober and the difference in how I feel today compared to 3 months ago is INCREDIBLE. Posting here because the only person in my personal life who knows about this is my husband right now (don’t quite know how to break it to my friends yet and unsure of how deeply I want to share with them till it’s further along). My mom is also a high functioning alcoholic, which has hugely impacted my life in many ways, and I love her but I don’t want to be living like her 30 years from now. 

Hope everyone is having a great day and if you’re on this sobriety journey too, you’re not alone! Other sober women inspire me immensely. 

EDIT: wow thank you for all the kind words and encouragement! Even tho we are all anonymous here, it really makes a difference and is making me smile 🥰

I met up with a friend today and the first thing I noticed was her phone assistant was talking with the same accent I have except more pronounced. I could tell she didnt realize/maybe forgot to change it from her facial expressions. I asked her why her phone assistant has that accent and she told me she liked it because it was funny. I told her I didnt understand what was funny and she said she'd change it but we were in a rush and she couldnt.

Its been bothering me the entire day and I cant tell if its offensive or Im just being bothered over nothing.

Edit: Im Korean and the accent was a Korean accent. Ive worked hard to get an American accent and its pretty good imo but sometimes my Korean accent slips through. The friend is white. She has never said/done anything racist before and as far as I know, she is not a kpop/kdrama fan.

I've had two long term relationships, and both ended because I wasn't what those men were physically attracted to. They were attracted to a different body type than mine, and knowing that after investing years in them has really affected how I see relationships. Maybe I should have paid more attention from the beginning. Looked at the women they followed, the porn they watched, the women they openly desired. Maybe I would have realized sooner that the kind of woman they were actually attracted to looked different from me. My body is pretty average, without particularly pronounced curves, and it hurts to think that I might have been someone they were willing to date despite not being what they really wanted physically. The thing is, I know I brought a lot to those relationships. I gave them love, loyalty, emotional support, companionship, and everything else that goes into building a life with someone. Yet I still ended up feeling like none of that could make up for not having the body type they preferred.

It's made me wonder how many men stay with women they're not fully attracted to because the relationship benefits them. They get sex, affection, domestic and emotional labor, and someone who cares about them. Why would they leave if they're comfortable? They can have their needs met while still fantasizing about or desiring women who look completely different from their partners. I made the mistake of looking on some reddit threads and ALL of them confirmed what I was suspecting: men are much more willing to settle if they get something out of which, first thing is sex and other things following suit. But somehow incels and redpillers whine about hypergamy in women and accuse women of settling with men they don't want. Riiight. I hate that I'm now inclined to look at a man's following list, porn habits, and the women he pays attention to just to figure out whether I'm actually his type. I don't want to spend a relationship competing with an ideal I'll never look like or wondering whether my partner is settling for me.

I want to believe that when a man chooses me, it's because he genuinely wants me, physically included, and not just because I'm a good partner who makes his life easier. After two experiences like this, though, it's hard not to feel cynical about the whole thing.

I'm a software engineer. I'm fortunate enough to have a stable job in a really tough market. My job has good benefits and good WLB, but god is it boring sometimes.

A few days ago I received an offer from a startup. On paper, it seemed terrible--they were going to pay me the same to do 2x the work I do now, the benefits were worse, and they really put me through the wringer during the interview process. Apparently I didn't even interview that well and I just barely got a yes, so I would have already started off under a lot of scrutiny.

And yet, there was just something about the place. When I walked in there for my onsite I could really see myself working there. My would-be manager was awesome and really seemed to believe in me, and I didn't mind the thought of putting in 60+ hour weeks if it meant really growing and challenging myself.

Ultimately though, it just didn't seem like a good tradeoff. I formally declined the offer yesterday and all of my friends and family think it was a good choice.

An hour after I sent my rejection, I felt completely nauseous. I didn't get a single second of sleep all night and today I had to excuse myself from a meeting at work so I could throw up in the bathroom. I've never felt so stressed out, sad, and sick to my stomach in all my life. When my recruiter emailed me back saying she was so sorry that I wouldn't be joining, I cried. I think I made a horrible mistake and I can't ever take it back.

I know this all sounds weirdly dramatic. Maybe I only feel like this because the software engineer interview process literally takes up your whole life for a while. I had six rounds of interviews over two months that I was constantly preparing for, so of course no matter what I picked I was going to be pretty emotion.

But at the same time, I really feel like I passed up a great opportunity with a company that is poised to do very well and one where I would have grown in amazing ways. Deep down I really wanted to accept, but I took everyone else's advice to do the safe, sensible thing and now I'm literally ill with regret. Please if any other careerwomen have been in my shoes, please give me advice and let me know how it worked out for you. I wish I could step back in time :(

Edit: Thank you all for the words of encouragement by the way. I am in such a horrible place mentally right now so it's really nice to see all of these responses.

My 5 year old son has always been delayed. He's hit all of his milestones significantly later than most kids his age. He's in physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy. He was diagnosed with autism when he was 3. I was willing to accept this diagnosis. My husband was not. He said it just didn't seem to fit our son. So we started seeing a neurologist who, upon first meeting our son, immediately seemed to question the autism diagnosis. So, we decided to do some genetic testing.

When we found out we were pregnant with our son, we opted not to do any genetic testing or carrier screening when my OB clinic offered. We didn't have a lot of money, and we had no reason to believe anything ran on either side of our families. About a month ago, we got our son's genetic testing results back. He has Fragile X Syndrome. We were shocked. And the more we looked into Fragile X, the more devastated we became. It's an X chromosome linked disorder, meaning it (usually) comes from the mom's side. It's the most common genetically linked form of intellectual disability. Their body doesn't create the proteins needed to be able to learn. After reading stories from other families with Fragile X children and speaking to multiple genetic counselors, it's very likely that our son will never be able to get a job, be independent, have a family of his own.

Because I am a carrier of Fragile X ( I have one normal X and one affected X), each pregnancy has about a 50% chance of receiving my affected X chromosome. Males are much more likely to be severely affected. And just based on developmental and physical similarities, we believe his 1.5 year old brother also has Fragile X. We are getting him tested next week to be sure.

Then we started reading about how females who are Fragile X carriers have a chance of going through menopause early - like in their 30s (I'm early 30s). There's also a chance of developing Parkinsons-like symptoms (tremors, ataxia, memory loss) in my 50s.

And because we weren't dealing with enough already, we found all of this out when I was 16 weeks pregnant...with another boy. We have been scrambling to get in somewhere to do an amniocentesis to test if this baby has Fragile X. We are considering termination if he does have it. I feel so broken and so guilty. I have cried every day and I change my mind every hour. This baby was planned and wanted. But my husband and I don't come from big families. When we go, there will be no one left to look out for our children who will likely not understand what's going on. To subject a third child to a future where we can't guarantee they'll be looked after when my husband and I are gone feels cruel and irresponsible.

My mental health has been absolutely horrible. I feel like I'm already in a state of grieving. I no longer want to see my baby on ultrasounds. I don't want to feel him kicking. It just reminds me that he's there and that I may have to say goodbye to him. I guess I'm just looking for some words of comfort from internet strangers as we face this impossible decision.

Dinner is cajun sausage and beans made in the crockpot.

Got some mac and cheese to get through this.

I’ve been going through turmoil lately dealing with these stupid thoughts. Most recently, I was talking to a guy, nothing major, but he asked if I could send. I had said I didn’t want to but he was asking again. Anyway I sent just a full-body picture all dressed and stated how I’m not comfortable sending. When he asked why I just said it makes me uncomfortable and feel gross.

He apologized and I think we’re all good.

Then I text him again asking, “how’s work,” and I get the message, “This phone number is no longer in service.” I texted back, “Oh, that’s strange.” Then I get a “STOP.” So I say, “Crazy” and I get a, #STOP.” At this point I’m like wtf cause I’m unaware if I did something wrong. Anyway I text again, “Dumb.” And I get a “#leave.” Really sealed the deal on it not being real.

I’m just so confused, why is it that I am worth nothing without my body? I have a therapist, I will be talking with her about this. I get that his actions aren’t a reflection of me, but it hurts.

Please don’t bash me for continuing to message, I was trying to figure out if it was real. And obviously it was just that guy being a douche.

Food is pho from the other night 😇

Some people are just mean as fuck, honestly. This morning I stopped at a store I go to pretty often, and there was a homeless guy outside asking people if they had money so he could get some food. He asked me, and I told him I didn’t carry cash but I’d buy him whatever food he wanted. He was so excited, kept saying thank you, and was smiling from ear to ear. When we got into the store near the food he was like what can I get I was like literally whatever you want . He was so freaking grateful he couldn’t stop saying thank you .
( yes I know some people are homeless because of whatever but that’s not my business honestly this guy genuinely just wanted something to eat I was glad I could help )

The lady who is usually really nice was irritated with him for some reason. He asked how she was going to fit all his food into this really small box, and he genuinely wasn’t being rude. He was just asking a question. She started huffing and puffing, slammed the box down, and said, “What do you mean?” After obviously cramming food into the smallest damn box it was so obvious the food wasn’t going to fit. I even told her if it was an issue I could’ve paid for the smaller box also but she threw it in the trash . ( I’ve even asked for a different box before and it was never a issue ever)

At that point, I said, “He just asked a question. There’s no reason to be rude.” Her attitude changed after that.
He was so sweet and appreciative, and I just didn’t understand the attitude from her or even the cashier. It was obvious I was paying for his food, so what was the problem? I just had to get this off my chest because at the end of the day, he’s still a human being. He wasn’t rude or bothering anyone. He was just trying to get something to eat. When I left the gas station I saw him riding his bike eating his food . That shit made my day . 🩷

Edit: I see some of you are saying there probably was a bad encounter between the two , I’m not sure if that’s the case or not but as mentioned if so shame on him. If not and the worker was just being an asshole same on her. Either way it go I’m just glad I was able to help feed him . He def was super thankful and it showed on his face . Also I do not allow anyone into my home. If we’re in a public place and it’s innocent I’m glad to help .

My husband and I have been through a lot of ups and downs, and I haven’t worn my engagement ring since May 2025. Honestly, I don’t really see myself putting it back on anytime soon.

I originally took it off after we had a conversation about how hurt I was feeling because I didn’t feel loved or considered, especially with my birthday coming up the following week. Instead of really addressing how I felt, he decided to tell me that back in 2019, before he proposed, he had a crush on his best friend’s cousin. He then went on to tell me that even during our engagement, he was attracted to her aura and energy and that he knowingly brought me around her while he was having those feelings. That completely changed how I felt about my ring. Now, whenever I look at it, I think about her and what he told me, and I just can’t look at it the same way anymore.

This all happened when I was six months postpartum, and I’ve been slowly but surely working on loving myself again. With my son’s second birthday and the holidays coming up, I want to do something special for myself. I want to buy a ring to wear on my right hand, something that means something to me and represents the woman I am today and how much I’ve grown.

The issue is that my husband keeps saying I’m trying to replace him or outdo the ring he bought me. The truth is, I never really liked the ring he gave me, but I kept that to myself for years because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and by then, it was way past the return window. I also promised him that I wouldn’t get the center stone I actually wanted, which is an oval, in case he ever decided to get me a new engagement ring. But honestly, I’m at the point where I’m considering getting the oval anyway because I’m tired of putting what I want on the back burner just to protect his feelings.

I’m not trying to replace my husband or compete with the ring he gave me. I just want something that’s mine, something I picked out for myself that represents who I am now. After everything I’ve been through, I want to be able to do something for myself and feel good about it without feeling guilty or having to worry about how someone else might take it. I feel like I’ve spent enough time putting my own feelings aside, and I’m ready to do something for me.

ive been with my bf for like 3 years and i love him so much it hurts. hes my person fr. but his mom is making me want to end it and he just does not see it at all. like wtf..

she is so deep in uour shit its insane. we have zero privacy. last month she showed up at our place on a saturday night at like 9:30 with no warning. we were already in bed half naked just talking and she has a key “for emergencies” that he gave her years ago and never took back. she just walked in, turned the lights on and said she “had a feeling we needed company.” then she sat on our couch for two hours talking about her day while we scrambled to get dressed. he acted like it was normal. when i brought it up later he was like “she just misses us.” ehh.
another time we got into a stupid fight over something small and i went to the bathroom to calm down. she somehow knew we were arguing (idk if he told her or what) and just showed up at the door 20 minutes later with food like she was gonna “fix it.” she walked in, looked at me and said “you two need to stop this nonsense, hes stressed enough already” and then stayed for dinner while we had to sit there and pretend everything was fine. he didnt even tell her to leave. he just said “she means well.” like whattt??

she calls me at work to ask if ive thought about baby names. im 24. we’ve been together 3 years. she once told me in front of him that i should “start being nicer to him about the little things” cuz “men need to feel respected in their own home.” we dont even fully live together yet. she also made a group chat with me him and her and constantly drops in with random opinions about our plans and our future and what i should do with my career. he leaves her in it. tho.

ive tried talking to him so many times. ive been calm, ive cried, ive told him i feel like theres no room for just us. every time hes like “shes my mom she cares its not that deep” or he gets defensive and says im trying to make him choose. im not. i just want boundaries. i want to be able to exist with him without her being in the room, in our bed, in every conversation. i keep thinking about how much i love him and how much id be losing. then i think about the fact that if we got married or had kids this would only get worse. she already acts like shes part of every decision we make. idk if i can keep doing this. i dont want to leave him. but i also dont want to spend the rest of my life negotiating my relationship with his mom.

dinner is steak, salad and couscous

I'm mad, disappointed and just so so sad at what happened earlier this evening.

I was walking across a big shopping street in my city when two boys (purposefully not calling them men because real men would not behave like this) approached me basically blocking the whole sidewalk. As I was checking directions at that time, I was a little late in reacting when trying to dodge them but I managed to get out of the way fast enough to not bump into the boy closest to me. As I was passing them he turned his head towards me and said something to me. I had headphones in but no music was playing, so I suspect he didn't expect me to hear what he said. I had to think for a second about what he said because I could not believe it. He called me a "hässlicher Pommespanzer", which is German for ugly tank of fries.

I'm not insecure about my weight anymore but what gets to me is how some boys feel so comfortable insulting women, in public and loudly. I was using active noise cancelling and I still very clearly heard what he said, I imagine I was not the only one that heard it.

I'm mad at myself for not going after them and speaking up, I'm disappointed in what some boys think is acceptable behaviour, and I'm so so sad at what the would has come to.

I'm already dealing with a very bad depression right now and I'm just... tired. Tired of feeling like whatever I do to get my spirits up, it won't be enough to make the world not suck for me. Politics suck, our planet is being destroyed by climate change, and apparently not even walking on the sidewalk is peaceful anymore.

I'm so glad I finally got a spot for therapy as they can be very hard to get in Germany. My first appointment is on Friday, and I can't wait.

Dinner is just some grapes and my comfort show as I've lost my appetite after what happened.

Ugh. I just want to scream into the void. This has been the saddest most depressing year of my life.

Last year we decided to try for our third kid. We got pregnant right away and were so excited. We told everyone. The ultrasound looked great. The NIPT looked great, I event had a 12wk Doppler check that went great….

And then I went for a 16wk ultrasound and the world as I knew it ended. No heartbeat. My perfect third boy was gone at 14 weeks but my body was holding on for dear life. I had a d&e and physically everything went smooth but mentally it was a nightmare.

I started therapy, I processed, I continued therapy. Genetic results and pathology came back normal. I lost him for NO REASON. I begged for APS labs but I was told no. I’ve had two successful pregnancies and this loss was just “bad luck”.

With the go ahead to try again I got pregnant in September. I was scared but I was told recurrent loss is a less than 5% chance. Statistics are on my side. Nope.

Went in for my 8wk ultrasound. TWINS! My dream. But measuring 10 days behind, no heartbeats. Doctors say maybe you ovulated late (I track meticulously so no). Go back 8 days later and surprise… no change. Took the first dose of meds and the office and waiting to take the rest tomorrow. Devastated, confused and angry.

They finally agree to run recurrent pregnancy loss testing on me so I guess that’s good. I’m so tired of being consoled by everyone. I’m tired of being sad. I just wanted another baby and now I have 3 that I will never meet 💔

Dinner: Sushi from the Slippery Mermaid in Navarre, FL. Give them a try if you ever go there!

What's life on earth as a woman with chronic pain without the everlasting GI issues? I guess I subconsciously missed my butthole pain from endo 😬

I decided to stop taking my Vyvanse last week. I think the dosage is too high at 60 mg, and I plan on discussing that with my psych at our next appointment. In the meantime, my appetite is back and I'm starting to feel human again!

I was diagnosed with endometriosis this summer. Years of chronic pain that was only slightly predictable have really worn me down. Going back to work after surgery sucked, even though I WFH; my job (barely) pays the bills and has really good insurance (which I NEED). I have no passion for what I do and lately, it's been super difficult to muster up the will to do things that are, quite frankly, a waste of time. But that's a corporate law firm for ya! Lately, my mental health started taking a bit of a nose dive, and it was almost entirely because I was BARELY eating. Don't get me wrong, I still have raging ADHD and medication obviously helps me balance my symptoms, but it was doing much more harm than good at this point. So I went cold turkey and it's been great!

With an increased appetite/food intake, I've been pooping a little more. Yesterday, on my 4th or 5th BM of the day (don't worry I am in pelvic PT), I decided to use the warm water setting on the bidet since it's been getting colder and sometimes the cold water feels like an icicle going up my butthole 🥶. I preheated the water with the nozzle clean setting, and I learned the hard way that the hot water temp is tooooooo high. At first I thought my endo was already growing back (it might be, but no way to know without more surgery, I love it here! 💕🥰💖) but I quickly realized that I straight up SCALDED my butthole.

I don't have kids, but I do have tattoos, so thankfully I had a full tube of A&D ointment (which is often used for diaper rash lol). It worked like a dream! Didn't cure me immediately, but there was definitely instant relief and now, one day later, I can almost forget it ever happened.

Food: a mostly eaten grilled cheese on homemade sourdough bread (one of my first loaves in a looooong time, getting back into it after a hiatus due to pain from endo) and Progresso Tomato Basil soup. I can't eat tomatoes after like 3 pm otherwise my reflux brings it back up when I sleep. This was my breakfast this morning lmao

I'd like to preface my story with a short introduction and background info.

I'm a 54-year-old girl, recently postmenopausal, and trying to adjust to late diagnoses of conditions I've been suffering with for decades. I'm actually making a lot of great progress in feeling more like myself again, and was really excited to go to a follow-up with my physical therapist to let her know how much better I had been doing, and then this happened.

Pulled into the hospital lot right on time for PT, only to get trapped behind someone rolling at literally 1 mph. The lot was completely slammed and there were only two spots near the door I needed. I’m sitting behind them probably gesticulating wildly like "what is actually happening right now??"

Then it looks like they're trying to back into the spot I'm aiming for. There is a huge sign right there that says no back-in parking, so I’m yelling to myself in the car like "why are you trying to back in?? You can't even park like that here!" I didn't honk or anything though.

They finally creep out of the way, I park, throw my sunshield up, and step out.

Immediately, I hear some guy across the lot yelling at me: "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"

I just stood there totally dumbfounded.

He yells again, "Yeah YOU! I'm talking to you! What's your problem?!"

I told him I was just trying to make my appointment on time.

He goes, "I don't care, what's your problem?!"

As I mentioned, I'm 54. I'm postmenopausal, dealing with a very late autism diagnosis on top of a laundry list of chronic conditions (anyone curious can check my profile for the details, honestly).

Combine hormone depletion with late-diagnosed neurodivergence and I have literally zero fucks left. Don't ask a 54yo woman what her problem is unless you want the entire list handed to you on the pavement.

And if I'm being honest, I've been dreaming of this moment for the last two years since the menopausal rage hit. I really have been looking for an opportunity to intimidate a man right back if he tried to intimidate me for any reason, especially his entitlement to my calm behavior in my own fucking car.

I just told him: "I'm postmenopausal and I have zero fucks left to give. Come at me, bro. I'll be right in here," as I walked towards the entrance.

No clue what his issue was, but he was clearly having a terrible day and got triggered by whatever he saw me doing in my car.

The adrenaline spike was real, but thankfully my PT always starts me on the treadmill first anyway, so I basically power-walked off pure rage for 10 minutes.

Came home right after to reset my nervous system with my comfort breakfast: toasted Glutino gluten-free English muffins with butter, goat cheese, and an over-easy fried egg with a soft yolk.

One of my many “problems” is having a very restricted diet due to my medical conditions, and it's been really nice to find a few meals that I can really enjoy without symptoms, and this is one of them.

I have to say that in the future I really wish I could have taken the higher road and just been more aware that we were both going into a hospital. As we all know, men have a lot of issues understanding their own feelings, so I imagine he was facing something difficult either for himself or a family member. So instead of knowing how to cope with his own feelings, he saw some lady gesticulating wildly in the car behind him and decided to project his problems onto me.

Next time I hope I can overcome the overwhelming fight reaction and respond with a little bit more compassion.

“I don't really have a problem, do you have one, sir? I'm very sorry if you're going through something difficult, but I'm not sure why you're upset and hollering at a stranger in the parking lot. They might have therapists in there, so you know, why don't you go get some help with your problem, because I'm not it.”

But I have a lot of rage and it's going to take some time to control the fight response if someone comes at me. So.....

In the meantime, don't come for me because I'm ready and I'm itching for the fight, bro.😈

Hi. I feel very emotional writing this. I’m 21 years old, and I’m an actress. I graduated in theater college, and since I was very little, I loved wearing costumes, acting, and becoming characters. That was always my true passion.

When I graduated, I really wanted to start in musical theater. But I faced some challenges, I realized only my graduation wouldn’t be enough to get me through auditions, I would need more specializations. And I didn’t have time for that. I needed to work soon, I really wanted to start earning money to help my mom.

So I discovered a new field: Party princess. I searched all about it, and I fell in love with the idea. It wouldn’t be musical theater, but I would be able to act, sing, dance, and make children’s birthday a very special day. It sounded perfect. So I quickly started working for it. I got in touch with all companies in my region, but it was a slow process. Since I didn’t have any pictures as a princess yet, it was very hard to get my first opportunity.

But I did. One random day, a company that had never answered my texts got in touch with me, offering me an opportunity to play Anna from Frozen. I was over the moon. I accepted, and it was even more magical than I expected. I felt like I found myself, I found where I was always meant to be. I was so, so happy. I played Anna on a Sunday (10/04), and the company boss told me she would pay me on Tuesday. Tuesday came, she said she would pay on Wednesday. Wednesday came, she said she would pay on Thursday. Friday came…she said she would pay on Saturday and offered me another job, to play Zoey from kpop demon hunters.

I accepted the Zoey role, and said: “Alright, but please, after I play Zoey, can you pay me both the jobs? Zoey and Anna?” She said yes of course.

I played Zoey. The next day she paid me…but only for her. I thanked her and reminded her please to not forget Anna. She said of course she would pay me until Friday. To this point, I was being very very cautious and polite when asking for my money. Because I wanted to create a good impression and build my career, you know? I didn’t want to cause any problems.

Friday came. She didn’t pay me, and offered another job, to play Gothel. I said yes, but again, please, if she could pay me for Anna. Again she said she would.
I played Gothel this Saturday. On Monday, I sent her an audio message. I was tired of typing and not being listened. I was very honest, I asked her please, if she could pay me for Anna and Gothel, that I really loved working with her but I needed my money to organize my finances. I practically begged her. It feels so humiliating.

She answered, again, saying of course she would pay me them both, and she would do it yesterday. Yesterday, she sent me a text. But it wasn’t the payment…it was offering me another Zoey. Very tired, I didn’t accept it. How can I keep working for her like this?
I didn’t accept it and again I asked for my payments. Again I got a reassuring answer but no money.

And today I’m here, I have no idea what to do and I’m heartbroken.
This is my dream job. I finally felt I was where I was always meant to be. I finally found something that made my heart race with pure joy. And it was all opportunities in her company.

But if she doesn’t pay me…I won’t accept any more jobs from her. And she keeps offering me opportunities. But I can’t. I can’t keep working for her like this.

And if I shut down her company completely…my dream is gone. It was the only one that gave me opportunities as a starter. It’s really hard to get them when you have little experience.
And if I don’t have this anymore…I’m back to stage 0. I’m back to having to talk to those other companies that never gave me opportunities and I have no idea if they ever will.

I was so happy with the jobs I did, so overjoyed, feeling like I finally achieved this dream. Finally I did it, and she kept offering me jobs so I could keep doing it and being happy like I always dreamed. I finally felt like I achieved it, after working so hard, after being ignored by so many companies…only for it to end, if I really have to cut her off.

Tomorrow, I’ll send her a final text. More serious, less cute as I always tried to be. One last time I’ll ask for my payments. And if I don’t get them even so…then I won’t work for her anymore. And there goes my dream. It felt like it was finally in my hands and now it’s slipping away.

I’m crying as I write this. I’m sorry if I sound like I’m exaggerating. But I’m so heartbroken. I can’t explain how overjoyed I felt when I played the characters I did. The joy I felt, thinking I finally had the job of my dreams. And now suddenly there’s a very high possibility I’ll be back to having nothing. After finally thinking I made it.

I’m really, really sad. And I don’t know what to do. I’ll send her that last message tomorrow. And that’s it…if it doesn’t work, all goes down the drain. 😞

i struggle with nervous system burnout. basically every symptom you would think comes from something deadly, but it’s actually my nervous system going “HEY, we’re on high alert. we’re traumatized”. tremors, extreme fatigue, memory loss, brain fog, dizziness, racing heart, POTS, joint pain, muscle weakness, IBS, TMJ. I know there is a side of reddit prone to telling people they are faking it, but that side of reddit is unfamiliar with the neuroscience of chronic illness. if you’re one of them, just be grateful you have a brain and nervous system that knows how to alchemize sensory input and stress appropriately. seriously.

I’ve had a really hard time working this year. the job market sucks and I keep having to quit because my job is putting me on bed rest.

October was the worst month of my adult life. I had head-to-toe pain so severe, I started thinking about Jesus and the meaning of death. I struggled with basic tasks. I basically gave up.

I fear the future. I can’t work enough to achieve my goals. I’m currently on my dad’s insurance for another year and a half. I live with my mom but we’re losing the house in the divorce and I know she wants to live with her new boyfriend, not with my ass.

so my therapist said disability could help me get on my feet, live independently, which might actually increase my recovery. less childhood trauma coming up, and more control over my environment.

but
1. I don’t want to take those resources from someone who needs them
and
2. the system seems too difficult to navigate. I have to cap off my income from my part time job, they might say I make too much at 20/hrs a week
and
3. I’m afraid it will keep me stuck. stuck in a label, stuck dependent on the government, stuck in poverty

Here is my celebratory frozen yoghurt covered in Nutella because I’ve earnt it.

After a very long couple of months my ex finally has been found guilty.

TW stalking and harassment

My ex and I broke up a few months ago as he was cheating on me (on Reddit of all places lol). He was cheating throughout our entire relationship, while we lived together.

It wasn’t a great relationship towards end and I will spare the details but his mental health was never great and that was definitely a blame for a lot of it.

After we broke up he would not leave me alone, showed up at my door, left “gifts” by my door, would send me money and caption it to call him and would send me emails as I had him blocked. A mutual friend told him multiple times if he did not leave me alone we would get cops involved.

He didn’t leave me alone so that’s what we did. We got cops involved and a DVO was put in place. This silly guy though decided to break the DVO using TikTok making targeted posts, kept looking at my TikToks and even posted my face. He was posting some really creepy stuff.

Well long story short, I told the cops about it and he has officially been found guilty of breaking his DVO. I no longer have any of his belongings in the house, he is fully cut free from my life.

For the first time in a long time I feel free and in control of my life. I’m back in the gym, I hang out with my friends a lot, I got a promotion at work. I even have a date tomorrow. I don’t want a relationship and I’ve made that clear but it’s exciting to get back out there.

If any of you girls out there need a sign to leave the toxic man. This is it. Life really did get better once I left, even when he tried to make it harder for me.

Have a good week ladies 💕

Dinner: falafel plate. Are you supposed to combine everything? I always do.

Either way, I almost got expelled. I found out I was getting referred to the expulsion committee in July.
I’m in graduate school getting my MSW and my focus is in child welfare.

I got referred to the Academic Concerns Board at my school because I got fired from one internship and I quit another one. Both times, I felt unsupported in my roles as a foster care worker and intern.

I was heavily burnt out at the first internship and eventually got fired for testing positive for marijuana (I think they just wanted an excuse to fire me because most people in the office smoked). Either way, I have my medical marijuana card so I still got unemployment and life moved on.

The second organization I was placed with is extremely conservative and currently having a mass exodus of staff due to their new “statement of faith” which requires all employees to sign a statement to work there which says they believe in the teachings of Jesus, marriage is only between a man and a woman, there’s only two genders, and you don’t support abortion. So, naturally, I wanted to get the fuck out of there and I requested a new placement. My school reluctantly agreed after my professor initially told me I was “running away” from the situation and this was “my calling” in social work to work for this bigoted child welfare agency.

Me and my professor stopped getting along after this interaction and it all went downhill from there.

Because two placements went awry, my field professor referred me to the Director of Field to determine if I could stay in the program and she recommended I be “discharged” due to “unprofessional conduct and not following technical standards”. I never talked to this woman or met her in my life and she wanted to expel me because my professor said I missed meetings with my her (which is true), I vape in my car on my lunch break, and they have concerns about me completing field in general. I was informed I could not start field again until we had a hearing. The hearing was October 5 and they told me I could bring an “attorney or advisor”. That’s when it truly dawned on me I was getting expelled.

I was a paralegal in my past life before I pursued social work, so in my defense I compiled an 8 page statement with 77 exhibits that corresponded to support my position that I was justified, or at least not solely at fault, for the reasons these placements didn’t work out.

I went to the hearing and they rolled me over the coals and I fought for my life. I detailed the inaccurate dates in the referral, the butting heads with my professor all semester, the testing positive for marijuana, the bigoted agency that won’t let LGBTQIA families adopt or foster children. I argued and advocated for myself for two hours.

The hearing results came back and I am not getting expelled and I get to resume field right away. They’re going to do a registration override to get me back into my internship and I am finally getting back on track.

This was genuinely traumatizing and I don’t know how I kept on keeping on throughout the waiting period and the process of it all but I did it. And I won.

I just kept thinking of the quote, “doing it scared is just as brave”.

Dinner is a Burrito that Hubby took a few bites of before he realized it wasn't his. Oopsie.

So I live on a road with no outlet and is a whopping 1.5 lanes wide. Have absolutely no idea why they built it like that but here we are. Off this road are several other roads, all with street signs and street names. *They're all privately owned*. This comes into play later.

For *at least* the past 20 years (we moved here in 2006), the juncture of one such road served as the school bus stop. They'd pick up the kids, and back into the junction to turn around, and leave. Just like the trash truck drivers and I'm sure other municipal vehicles have always done. *For decades*.

Cut to this past Friday (kids were on break) and I get a call during the workday from the school transportation department - effective immediately, they are no longer allowed to use that location as a bus stop. They float the idea of sending a small van to pick up the kids and then have them transfer into their bus in the neighboring McMansion subdivision. Ooohhkay? No clue what the catalyst for this was, my husband hadn't seen anything amiss when he took the kids to the bus stop (which I might point out is only one house down from us so it was super convenient).

By Tuesday, they've procured a van from the next district over, and are now going to pick up the kids at the *next* private road down, 20 minutes earlier. I press hubby to leave his comfort zone this morning and talk to the other parents to get some tea.

Tea, according to mother of my son's classmate:

*"Older lady drove up dangerously fast on the bus. Said she was sick of it blocking her drive and damaging her road. She allowed it for years when her kids went to school but she would sue anyone who drives on her drive again including neighbors. Lots of cursing apparently.*"

The reason we weren't privy to all this is it apparently happened at the drop off, and we only use the bus service in the mornings.

I do a bit of digging, as I know my way around an auditor website, and find the owner of this drive (it's not readily apparent as there are ~4 houses that can only be accessed using this road) is the neighbor whose backyard butts against the side of ours. She's 67 (thank you internet), and I'd already known her daughter owned a well-reviewed bakery as I'd been gifted cookies once because her kids (lady's grandkids) repeatedly hit balls into our backyard.

I mean I know there's nothing I can do about the situation; it's legally their property after all. But I'm really disappointed that this tiny neighborhood has such shitty residents. So much for "it takes a village".

Halomy sandwich with zaatar and some vegetables...

Well I think FML, I still can't get the thing that happened out of my head, I work as a recruiter with a company, and I was trying to clear some of the older leads we had on the system, I started calling people around since the morning... It was a normal day mostly.

Until on noon when I called one of the newer leads, I was hearing some fumbling noises on the other end and I thought this person was busy, I was left with no answers to my hellos and questions on the phone until I started hearing moaning sounds, idk what were the noises at first then I asked him "sir are you busy I can call you in another time" after the question the moaning started getting louder.

This person was having sex while talking to me, tbh I felt sooo humiliated with this, specially that I have my own trauma with these type of stuff so idk if just triggered something in me..

I'm still shocked by it, I would look at my wall and start laughing like an idiot (I laugh when I'm uncomfortable) I think talking about it help even tho I have talked about it to my friends I need to get it out of my chest more lol

So yeah FML I guess never in a million years I thought this would ever happen with me

Edit here because I think I didn't make it clear at first: the guy responded at first to my call, I introduced myself and told him calling for X position, and asked if it's a good time to talk he said yes, then the noises started getting louder I kept saying hello? Can you hear me? If youre busy I can call later? Then the moaning got louder and I just hung up

Alas, ladies. I am the homewrecker. My coworker dug around for me and found out he was still married. I messaged her today and sent her all the screenshots. Blocked him and he left me a voicemail saying how much I fucked his life up. Buddy, face your consequences you lied to both of us.

Food: those sad steak crunch tacos from Taco Bell (vape for scale)

EDIT: I DID NOT LET HIM FUCK ME WITH HIS SMALL DICK

To preface everything, I'm a 22 yrs old woman, I am queer and I have been with women before. I'm currently in a relationship, with a man (23).

I guess we are doing good and I do believe that I love him but I don't know why a lot of the time I catch myself day dreaming about being with a woman in details and next thing you know I'm dwelling on my past relationships with women and how fulfilling they were and how much more action and engagement in things like going on dates, flirting, going out was more present and I miss it. Like even and especially having sex with a woman just feels better to me and I miss it.

I feel guilty thinking this way because I do love my partner and I'm a bit at lost with what to do in this situation.

Anyways, pic is Mr.Puffs bueno flavor with hot chocolate

Tonight's dinner is chili at my favorite dive

So, I just spent a few days in Philly and my partner took me to a "Community Sing" event at a local music school.

at the end of each adult beginner choral workshop, they open the building windows to the street and sing for everyone outside; then they hand out lyrics for anyone who wants to stick around and the whole group works up a song for an hour and we sing it together.

it was great, I sang melody and gave some of the higher harmony parts a try and it was so much fun blending in to the group and even losing then finding my tuning was great,,,

and after voice training to the point my voice is where I want it,,,

it was my first time singing as a woman. And it was glorious and beautiful and

i *sobbed* with happiness when I got home.

everyone was wrong. I *can* sing as myself. holy fuck. 🧡🏳️‍⚧️

ok stopping here so I don't cry in public about it lol

(Edit cuz I accidentally a word)

I'm a Southeast Asian woman living in Europe. I moved here years ago because I got a job offer, and that's how I met my partner. (He's five years younger than me)

During our first year together, some of his relatives asked him when he'd been to my country. They just assumed he'd gone there, met me and brought me back with him. His mother and sister were even worse, making racist jokes and insult me. My partner has since cut contact with them.

What really annoys me is that some people seem to think every Asian woman dating a white man must be after money or a better life. I mean, yes, I moved here for better opportunities, but I got a job here myself. Nobody brought me here.

And sometimes I get frustrated with women from my own country too. I recently watched a white YouTuber filming classic cars back home, and a local woman walked up to him and made a blowjob gesture right at the camera. I know it's just one woman, but you know how quickly people use stuff like that to stereotype the rest of us.

I work my ass off being a tattoo artist and running my own tattoo studio here, and I'm just soooooo tired.

Recently, a friend from my country (we met here) wanted to open a massage business next door to mine. She'd feel safer working alone if I was nearby, so she contacted my landlord. The landlord then called my partner to ask if she was trustworthy. He said yes, but then she started talking about a previous massage tenant who apparently offered sexual services. My partner asked if those tenants were from my country. Nope, they were Eastern European. So what exactly did that have to do with my friend? Just becase where we came from?

I don't know. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but I'm just sick of people making these assumptions. I just want to do my job and live my life without having to constantly prove I'm not what they think I am.

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years. There’s been about 5 instances that I have caught him in small “white” lies. I’ve started compiling a list because I’m really at the verge of just ending it. For example, he’s made up really elaborate stories about things from his past (no, I don’t care about his past. I have a whole child with someone else lol) to hide that it was something him and his ex did/had together. Like, he would say him and his roommates had chickens at their apartment but really they were his ex’s family’s chickens on their farm(?!?!!) and when I would ask questions bc having chickens at an apartment doesn’t make sense, he’d like have a full blown story. Well I found out the truth obviously. Another one is he once randomly asked me if I ever used dating apps, I said yes and he said “no, I hate that stuff” Come to find out, he met his ex on a dating app. There’s other instances but every time, it takes like 20 mins for him to tell me the truth after I say I’m just going to leave and I’ll come back when he’s ready to be honest. Every time he says it’s because he doesn’t want me to get mad, but I rarely get mad at him and if I do, it’s not even angry, I just want to have a conversation. At this point it’s happened like 5 times, and he’s always prided himself on HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY! That he HATES liars!!! That even a small lie is a big lie. So, that being said, should I just end it? I know if he lies about small things he will lie about big things. Idk. Also 1. Ive had this conversation with him MULTIPLE TIMES and he says he’ll stop. 2. I will still have another conversation with him. I just want to hear another perspective. I’ve been with terrible men and he’s so good to me but I told myself I’d never look past a red flag again so omg. Help. Has anyone dealt with this and it got better or is it bound to get worse. I’m starting to be so resentful

Chili and cornbread🥲