r/WouldIBeTheAhole • u/Pale-Experience-2409 • 1d ago
WIBTA if I sent my in-laws the booking confirmation after my BIL told them the anniversary trip was from him?
My husband and I wanted to do something for his parents’ 40th anniversary coming up in November. We found a beachfront rental that fits the whole family for a long weekend and my BIL said he’d go in with us, $1,700 each.
A couple days before the deposit was due he texted me that him and his wife bought a house and can’t swing it right now. The listing had already been booked and cancelled on other people and the deadline was that Friday so I just put the full $3,400 on our card. We figured he’d pay us back once things settled down but that conversation never happened.
This past Saturday the whole family went out for the anniversary dinner.
Toward the end BIL tapped his glass and told the table he’d booked mom and dad a beach trip for their anniversary. My FIL actually teared up. MIL went around the table to hug him. The whole table was clapping and congratulating him and I just sat there watching my husband stare at his plate.
On the drive home I asked my husband if he was gonna say anything. He told me his parents are genuinely excited and he doesn’t want to start something over it.
The next day FIL called my husband. I could hear the whole conversation through the phone. He just kept going on about how great it is that BIL came through and my husband sat there saying yeah the whole time.
Since Monday BIL’s been in the family group chat acting like he’s the one coordinating this trip. “I’ll send everyone the details this week” and “let me know your flight times so I can figure out cars.” He hasn’t asked me for a single damn piece of the booking information.
I’ve got the confirmation email right there with my name on the booking and my card charged for the full $3,400 and I can’t decide whether to just let him take credit for something he didn’t pay a cent toward or to forward it to the group chat and let everyone see for themselves. WIBTA?
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u/No-Bobcat-6953 1d ago
I wouldn't do anything as drastic as canceling the reservation, but I would ask him in the group text something like "oh, You booked one, too? I thought you couldn't afford to pay! Shall I just cancel the reservation I paid for then, and we can go to wherever you booked?" Let him dangle in the wind and either admit he didn't book anything or have to book something to save face.
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u/goodbyetrex 1d ago
Make sure his wife is in the chat. I bet he blew $3400 on something he didn’t tell her about
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u/dr-pebbles 1d ago
I like this, but instead of OP asking if she should cancel the reservation she booked, I think she should state that she will cancel hers and they can all go where he booked. This makes it clear she hasn't canceled yet, but plans to. It's a stronger statement and pushes BIL deeper into a corner. When he acquiesces to going with your plan, ask him when you can expect his share of the statement, also in the group chat.
In the future, tell BIL what gift you're planning, but tell him you won't pay for it/book it until you get his share. Give him a specific date by which to pay you. Regardless of whether you get his share, purchase/book the gift but do NOT tell him you've done so. Give him a short extension to pay you. If he still doesn't give you the money, give your in-laws a card with the gift and only sign your names. Odds are, they'll ask you why only your names are on the card. Tell them. This is what I finally had to do.
I had one brother who consistently didn't pay his share or didn't pay it for weeks/months after I'd paid his and my share for the gift. For my parents 40th anniversary, we ordered a limo, prepaid for a pris fixe dinner and a particular bottle of champagne at their favorite restaurant. It all went on my card. One of my two brothers paid his share by the deadline, my other hadn't even paid by their anniversary. There were two names on the card, not three. My parents asked why. I told them, hoping that they wouldn't be hurt but that my deadbeat brother would be embarrassed. I'd always put all three names on the cards to avoid hurting my parents, but I'd hit my limit. I continued this practice for all group gifts after that.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes 1d ago
I wouldn’t call out that he couldn’t afford. I would just post the confirmation saying “Here’s the confirmation for the cabin. BIL do you know when you were paying us for your half?” No accusation, but it makes it very clear that he’s had no part in it.
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u/AtmosphereEven3526 1d ago
Nah. Cancel it. If OP offers up the whole “Since you booked yours I’ll cancel ours” BIL will just say he’ll cancel his and pay half of OPs. BIL won’t pay, because he can’t afford it and will still get credit for it.
Cancel the reservation, take the money and buy the parents a physical gift and wait for BIL to fall flat on his face when there is no trip.
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u/Ok_Reason5439 1d ago
I agree, however the way this is worded will elicit a defensive response. It is more powerful to take out the sentence about affording to pay and the reference to OP paying. Everything else is great. Keeping it neutral will land harder.
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u/Sufficient-Produce85 1d ago
I’d skip the part about the payment but absolutely sweet as pie ask him if he wants you to cancel the one you paid for. When he says no tell everyone you’ll forward the info and skip right over BIL
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u/Gladtobealive2020 1d ago
Yes something like that but say "oh, you booked one too? I guess i misunderstood when you.called and said you couldn't pay your share, that you wouldn't be booking anything, so I did, I guess I should cancel the booking and payment we made, covering your part too due too apparently misunderstanding that you couldn't pay your part."
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u/your-mom04605 1d ago
YWNBTA
But, let him burn here. This mf can’t coordinate a goddamn thing because he has none of the info. Let him squirm until it’s inevitable he has to admit he didn’t actually book it and you did.
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u/LifeAsksAITA 1d ago
The husband will give his brother the info and let him continue to take credit. This is a husband problem.
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u/sillygoober1324 1d ago
Yeah that dynamic sounds super toxic. I don’t think OP should do anything, but let her husband know that his decision on this will impact how you see him from now on.
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u/fiberartsjunkie 1d ago
I'm guessing BIL is the golden child. Husband is used to being quiet when his brother takes up the space.
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u/Aggressive-Walrus516 1d ago edited 1d ago
If your in-laws are open like mine I would by-pass them all and go speak to them in person 1:1. In person you’ll get this best results because then they’ll see how sincere and hurt you are by the entire situation.
I would start by saying, “I took my own initiative and booked the trip for you because I love you. BIL backed out of paying, I did not mind paying but taking full credit for something he didn’t contribute to was wrong. My feelings are hurt in many ways but that is not on you to deal with.
I am here having this discussion because I wanted to be fully transparent and didn’t want any confusion later. Husband is aware and we have some communication issues to work on that will not impact the trip.
I’m coming to you so when this blows up you have all the information.”
Print out the texts from BIL and the confirmation for the rental. Plus the screenshot the payment from your CC.
I like to be fully transparent to prevent any drama, your BIL will make a gigantic wave of drama if you do not nip this in the butt now. I wouldn’t ever again cover his part in something. He knows exactly what he was doing and knew his brother wouldn’t say a word. He was correct.
I am also aware that I’m a recovering people pleaser* so I tend to be blunt and to the point these days to prevent things from festering. I just feel like with this kind of trip and the glory BIL is receiving there is no other way around this. If you go to BIL first he will blow it out of proportion and you’ll be the bad guy. If you wait on your husband nothing will ever happen because he doesn’t do confrontation. Either you speak to your in laws or you will end up resenting your husband for this for a long time. nip it in the bud now and look into couple counseling. I’m sure this isn’t the first time his brother has taken credit for something.
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u/exaltedfemshep 1d ago
This is the winner. No need for all the lies and snarkiness. Just an honest conversation that focuses on how hurt OP is without shitting too much on BIL. It'll make OP look great and BIL look like the POS he is. Also, fuck OPs husband???
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u/Hefty_Phase6279 20h ago
This is the way.
Passive-aggressively sending the booking information without saying anything is cowardly and likely to stir up more trouble than just speaking plainly to the parents-in-law. Also, OP's husband should be part of the discussions since they are his family.
I too am a recovering people pleaser and have also gotten much more straightforward to prevent festering (hitting perimenopause, where I no longer have any f*cks to give about such shenanigans has also helped...).
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u/Adventurous_Cook9083 23h ago
It's amazingly convenient that BIL and his wife all of a sudden decided to buy a house exactly when he needed to come up with $1,700. Like he didn't know beforehand they were house hunting? Maybe he should have told OP and his brother: look we're hoping to buy a house; not sure we'll have that kind of cash when you need it, but we will get it back to you as soon as we can."
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u/BeneficialHandle1870 1d ago
hes gonna send the details? he doesnt even have them lol. post the booking in the group chat and let him explain. WNBTA
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u/PeaInternational8130 1d ago
WNBTA. your BIL is a fraud. he bailed on paying, then tapped his glass and took the credit like a clown. send the confirmation
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 1d ago
I would absolutely, 100% post the confirmation and the credit card statement in the family group chat. Do not let this AH get away with this and tell your husband to stop being such a sucker.
Act confused and ask if you should go ahead and cancel this booking. Say you must have gotten your wires crossed or something because you somehow understood that BIL was not going to be participating in the purchase and instead he seems to have made other plans.
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u/SMKnightly 1d ago
Yes! Send it like this:
BIL, since you booked a getaway for FIL and MIL, should I cancel the one Husband and I booked that you were going to go in on? {insert pic of confirmation here} Sounds like we got our wires crossed an doublebooked!
Then when someone replies, send “Oops! Wrong chat!”
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 1d ago
No, because this gives him a chance to still try to grab credit. She has to show he’s contributing nothing and he has no intention to contribute!!
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u/domcobeo 1d ago
Totally cancel and be like oh I thought you booked something. Figured they didn’t need two trips.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes 1d ago
I wouldn’t cancel because it’s not the in-laws fault. They don’t know. Embarrass the BIL yes though. All the way.
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u/Equivalent-Low-8071 1d ago
Let him flounder. He has claimed this as his trip and now he's going to have to fess up that he lied. He will probably ask you for the info so he can forward it - just say oh, I thought you arranged a different trip so I cancelled. Still keep your reservation just let him have to explain.
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u/TroubleImpressive955 21h ago
This is the tactic I would take.
I would not give him ANY information to "send" to the family chat. The fact that OP's husband is not clearing up this crap means his brother knew he wouldn't. I'm not shy, I would have shut that down at the dinner. Damn I hate people that try to take credit where it's not due.
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u/Quiet_Advantage9117 1d ago
then ss his texts asking YOU for the info on the trip YOU booked. send them to the group chat!
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u/Independent_Secret_8 19h ago
Yes I'm curious how he's gonna send the confirmation info to the group. I would make a bowl of popcorn while I waited.
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u/Fun-Apricot-804 13h ago
Yeah I agree. Sit quietly and let this play out. Personally I don’t care what the whole extended family thinks (and frankly it’ll probably get out somehow anyhow) and for as hurt as ops husband was, think how disappointed and confused his parents are going to be when the truth comes out here and how BILs going to have to scramble to explain. Husband will get his moment and BILs going to have a bigger idiot moment than he had a hero moment. His only out here is to quickly come up with the full amount in which case, op and husband can do something different for his parents
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u/Lyndelamos 1d ago
Why on earth didn't your husband speak up? It would have been so easy to say, "Well, actually, it's a gift from ALL of us...."
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u/GhostOfDino 1d ago
This is why I think this is fake. The guy who is bold enough to suggest and set up a weekend away for the whole family sits there like a beaten dog when his brother takes credit for the whole thing? "I dont want to make waves." Bullshit. It just doesnt sound right.
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u/barbieninja 1d ago
In dysfunctional family systems the scapegoat is taught their entire life to make themselves smaller for the golden child. It’s absolutely normal in that scenario and this reeks of a toxic family system.
If that is the case the op and husband will be blamed by the parents for sharing the reality because it makes their golden child look bad. It’s wild to understand or witness if you have never experienced but it’s well studied and a very real dynamic a lot of people grow up with.
These families use coercive control to push their preferred narrative and children are meant to fall in line. Being an adult doesn’t make it easy to break out of the cycle that they have been subject to their entire life.
Hopefully it isn’t the case but the husband’s reaction is very common in these situations.
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u/Grimaldehyde 1d ago
It doesn’t matter; the brother-in-law took the credit first, and these parents won’t care now who paid for it, or who made the arrangements. And BIL will take a better bedroom than OP and husband.
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u/InternationalBad2640 1d ago edited 1d ago
You are under no obligation to cover up BIL’s bullshit to protect his ego or how he’s perceived by your other in-laws particularly when you’re the one doing all of the organizational and financial heavy lifting on this. WNBTA. Your BIL is a clown.
ETA: Thanks for the awards!
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u/Fragrant_Mango_ 1d ago
(Send in group family text) Hey BIL, I just want to confirm since I am now confused, because I have already booked the vacation back in (month and day) before you had booked yours, should I cancel the one I had researched and set up for the family now that you have booked one as well? We won’t be needing 2 bookings I’m sure. Let me know so I can get mine cancelled and get a full refund and be able to put money towards yours.
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u/Justacrazylady59 1d ago edited 1d ago
In the group chat-- "oooh we must have a misunderstanding! I booked a beach house too! I'll go ahead and cancel my reservation-- thanks so much for arranging it! It sounds nicer than what I arranged-- here are the details-- do confirm that I should go ahead and cancel!- [name cancellation deadline]"
This way the truth gets called out in a friendly, appreciated "silly me" kind of way, and the parents' anniversary vacation doesn't have to get cancelled.
Also-- is it possible there are wires crossed and BIL did book it; and your husband is a confused messenger? Oh never mind I see he texted YOU. This is really odd behavior, to be sure.
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u/pjeans 1d ago
I think I'd just mention offhand to MIL or FIL, "well, I'm kinda frustrated with BIL right now because we had already booked a house for that same time for the family. I thought we had all agreed on it. I had no idea that BIL already made his own plans for that same week. But his plans sound great, so I canceled ours since we don't need it now."
But don't actually cancel.
Then let the MIL and FIL communication with BIL play out to the point where BIL believes that you really did cancel.
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u/Sharp_Freedom_3980 1d ago
WNBTA. your husband just sat there saying yeah while his brother took credit for your money? he needs to speak up
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u/No_Fudge_1842 1d ago
Just write in the group chat that you weren’t aware that BIL had made separate arrangements to what you had made. So you’re going to go ahead and cancel the Airbnb you paid for. Watch him flounder.
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u/stay__sassy 1d ago
This is the way!! Thank BIL in the family chat for planning something, and comment how ironic that you guys had also booked a beach house as a surprise, but you’ll go ahead and cancel your reservation
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u/VastRefrigerator1108 1d ago
Why in the world wouldn’t either of you had said something at the time? Like “wait did you book one yourself? We booked one too, does this mean we have two booked?”
Like do you actually know if he booked one or not? What if he did? Wouldn’t you want to know so you can cancel?
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u/SinglePermission9373 1d ago
I’m just petty enough to post that confirmation with MY name and credit card on it. To the whole group
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u/Original_Thanks_9435 1d ago
EXACTLY what I’d do. OR I might cancel the entire trip and go away alone or with my mom or sister — without my spineless husband and idiot in-laws.
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u/Own-Eagle-2135 22h ago
oh yes, this! you and your husband go on a trip.
BIL paid for it all, doesn't seem like a problem.
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u/BeeFree66 1d ago
Block out your cc# cuz someone might "need it."
Same for the confirmation # - block the actual #.
Too bad husband is being a doormat.
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u/smelliest-shart 1d ago
With a black box edited over any specific booking info/identifiers that could be used by the BiL to try and hijack the reservation
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u/seagull321 1d ago
Ohhhh no. Call him out. If the in-laws’ excitement for the trip decreases, that’s a BIL problem not a you problem.
Tell BIL he has 24 hours to confess or you’ll do it for him. Unless he’s such a huge jerk he would tell his parents bro will claim credit for something he never did. If that’s the case, then don’t warn him. go to in-laws and tell the truth face to face.
And Hubs might consider therapy. There is no way this is the first time BIL has done this. Hubs staring at the plate is a dead giveaway. Add that he didn’t correct the lie cements it.
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u/ou812whynot 1d ago
Cancel the trip and get a refund. Text your in-laws that you guys planned on a trip for them as well, but since bil got it already you'll plan something else for them.
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u/ShopSweet6798 1d ago
Start a separate group chat without him, and forward all the plans there with a message explaining that bil claims to have paid for a trip, and you're not sure if he meant this one that you paid for, so you're making a separate chat to share details of the trip you and your husband planned.
That way he is just left over in the other chat looking stupid and getting all the trip info second hand.
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u/AloneAppointment444 20h ago
Def send a text to BIL in the family group chat saying sorry for the confusion. I thought you and hubby was going in together to book the trip for your parents. However since you made the booking, we’ll cancel the one I made and paid for. Sorry for the disconnect and misunderstanding.
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u/Malibucat48 15h ago
Saying you cancelled your booking since he made one himself is perfect. And do it in the group chat and praise his generosity. See how he squirms out of that and give an update.
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u/Necessary-Couple-535 1d ago
Just cancel the trip and play dumb. "I thought you had booked something? You told everybody you booked something. We aren't paying twice. That would be dumb."
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u/sequinsdress 1d ago
Just cancel it. He’s got it covered, right? You and your husband can always save the day later with a belated trip that you can take full credit for by sharing details with his parents BEFORE BIL can horn in and take credit.
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u/loricomments 1d ago
NTA.
Put him on blast. Focus on him essentially trying to force you to perpetuate his lie.
"I'm not going to keep going along with BIL's lie and make myself a liar too. I found the place, made the booking, and paid for it in it's entirety. I have no problem with doing any of that, but I do have a problem with BIL lying and taking credit for something he didn't do."
Include the booking info as your proof.
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u/notsoreligiousnow 1d ago
Don’t be a doormat. Cancel your booking and let him figure this shit out. Or tell him you cancelled it since he’s clearly doing all the work and paying for it. Don’t let him get away with it.
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u/Spartan2022 1d ago
Send him a 1-on-1 request for his half of the $3,400. Screenshot it. When he refuses to pay, screenshot those too.
Share all screenshots in group chat.
Also, what's with all the going along to get along?
Say something. Say something in public. State the facts. If the facts embarrass the BIL, he can change the facts by paying half of the booking.
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u/Ok-Distance-9950 1d ago
Another option if you don't want to call him out is to cancel and buy a different gift for parents with the money. Bil will have to come for details at some point and you can say what others have said and you thought he must have booked something. Let bil explain why trip is cancelled as he can't tell the truth about you at that point. Puts him in same situation he put you
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u/Big_Reporter8521 1d ago
Call bil and tell him you canceled the trip and are looking forward to going on the one he booked.
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u/Comfortable-Bug1737 1d ago
I'd have said at the time, "oh bloody hell, we booked too, no bother, I'll cancel"
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u/EchidnaSwimming9345 23h ago
Be careful. BIL could turn the tables on you. When you say the trip is from you, and even if you have paperwork, he can claim you went in on this together, but now you need your money back and are trying to claim it’s his fault that you have to pull the plug on the trip. He could even claim he fronted the money, you used it to book, and now you can’t pay him back. He can’t afford not to get that money from you, so he has to cancel the trip. He wants them to understand what’s going on but could they please not confront you because you’re so embarrassed about the situation.
He might even get them to quietly give him $3400 to cover “your” shortfall so the trip can still go ahead.
Shameless a***oles who are also golden children can get away with anything.
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u/1happynewyorker 22h ago
I believe the brother is the favorite son because he does nothing for his parents. Your husband does everything and get the short end of the stick is what I'm reading.
This is ver common with parents and children. One does everything for mom and dad. Yet parents look to the son that doesn't give them attention, love, or call.
Talk you your husband and let him know he needs to speak up and you're here to support him. Then show the confirmation. Let them bring it up to golden son. The son that will be waiting for his inheritance when his parents die.
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u/AdmirableElk5111 1d ago
You have a huge husband problem. Why didnt he have the spine to speak up?
Cancel it. So what if his parents are super excited? If you won't do that, you need to demand that your husband speak up and say actually MY WIFE booked and paid for this trip.
Your brother in law needs to experience the FAFO about his unbelievable act.
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u/Kittynymph9 1d ago
Honestly, this is the most sensible take. The husband didn't make the reservation - his wife did that. By refusing to speak up, he's refusing to give his wife credit where credit is due.
It might be helpful to take the time to communicate this to your husband, OP. I get that he's probably used to not "causing drama," but you're the one who gets burned by this. You're the one who put in the effort on behalf on his family. Tell him how hurt you feel by him not standing up for YOU. Even if he'd physically made the reservation, you both financially contributed towards this thoughtful gift. Ask him to speak up to his parents. If he's not willing to do that, you should at least come to agreement about no more gifts to his family that financially impact BOTH of you, until he's willing to acknowledge your contributions.
Edited to specific gifts to husband's family
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u/Holiday-Ad2635 1d ago
You should’ve called his scamming ass out right at the table & you do know you’ll never get paid back right?
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u/Specific_Anxiety_343 1d ago
Oh helll no. Contact your brother-in-law and tell him that you will expose him unless he pays his half immediately.
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u/Tricky-Fig4772 1d ago
When he asked for the details screenshot the confirmation with your name and the price you paid and send it to the group chat. Add if anyone has any questions to let you know and you’ll clarify the details. 😈
Editing to add you have a husband problem
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u/Recent_Section725 1d ago
NTA. I honestly don't know how people keep their mouths shut in situations like this. If my brother tried that crap I would have been saying something before he even finished the sentence. I get unreasonably pissed off by things like that so I would be seething until I addressed it. Loudly. Post it and a message that you understand money is tight so he can pay for his half when he can afford it to the group chat. Petty but well deserved.
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u/Turbulent_Ask4878 1d ago
It’s rare to work the “everybody clapped” into the middle of the story. These are getting sophisticated.
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u/MadPanda2023 1d ago
NTA
I would cancel mine since BIL already has them taken care of and you don't have to worry about it anymore.
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u/smallfloralprince 1d ago
YWNBTA. But I don't understand why you can't just say "that's AWESOME, BIL, we'll cancel what we booked then. Please loop us in on the arrangements you went ahead and made! Wow, so generous!"
BIL is an ahole so big he can be seen from space. He's committing social fraud.
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u/BeautifulThen5867 1d ago
Im all for being petty id cancel and let everyone know in the family group chat that you had done the same but would just take them out for a meal when they get back.
No way would I let my husband be that spineless to avoid conflict, my card my cancellation.
I would then sit back and enjoy my popcorn 🍿.
BIL wants all the glory he can do all the payment.
It would be classic and BIL squirming his way into paying for the trip and tell you husband if he dares pay for it you’re changing the locks and he can go live with his brother.
This would be a hill I’d choose to d i e on.
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u/Cacoonpiece_00 1d ago
I can be really petty. I would get into the group chat as a confused spouse. Pretend as if you’re sending the message to your husband when in fact it’s being done intentionally in the group chat. 😜
“Hey babes, need clarification. Your brother announced he booked a trip for your parents. Before I cancel this reservation that we paid for on my credit card, (screenshot the charge) can you confirm whether he booked a separate trip?
It sounds that this is the same trip he told us he couldn’t contribute to due to his house closing commitment. I want to make sure I’m not holding a booking that’s already been replaced by whatever he told your parents. Lemme know, if this is separate so I can cancel this immediately” ‼️ Then wait for the flood gates to open.
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u/hstaples 1d ago
Listen, he did this because he knew he could! Your husband needs to grow a pair.
Sorry...
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u/befuddled_individual 1d ago edited 1d ago
I would put a copy of the original idea, confirmation of booking, and screenshots of him declining to contribute. Let the images tell the story.
YWNBTA
Edit: script I would use
“Husband and I have thought long an hard how to deal with this, as we are heartbroken that an idea we had and fully paid for has been wrongly taken credit for, for reasons I cannot understand. As you can see from the screenshots attached, we came up with the idea, made the booking, after which BIL declined to financially participate which we fully supported (screenshot of conversation attached). We then financed the entire booking personally, as you can see from the payment information. We were surprised and disappointed that full credit was taken at dinner and we struggled to decide how we should proceed with this. Either out BIL and cause potential distress to MIL & FIL, or sit back and let BIL take the credit for something at our expense. Ultimately, we have decided to share the details with you all. We will take some quiet time now to digest the events and hope you can all understand from perspective why we chose to disclose this”
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u/Twistfaria 22h ago
Not sure what you should do but you need to do SOMETHING! He shouldn’t take all the glory for himself! Maybe just you and your husband should take his parents aside and just tell them the truth. No need to do it publicly unless you really want to.
UpdateMe!
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u/Queen-Pierogi-V 20h ago
Maybe it is petty, but I have no doubt that BIL has been a credit hog his entire life and your pathetic husband has had his spine removed.
I would cancel the reservation and send BIL a text saying , “So glad you found the extra cash to cover in laws anniversary trip. I cancelled the reservation I made.” Husband and I will figure out something else to honor their milestone.”
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u/Physical_Dance_9606 1d ago
“Oh BIL, it’s fantastic that you are taking over the trip, that’s so generous of you. As soon as you transfer me the money we’ve paid for the deposit, I’ll change the booking from my name to yours. The balance is due on Friday. Thanks so much for covering it!” (In the GC)
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u/tamij1313 1d ago
Remember… BIL booked his OWN Airbnb for the family. OP needs to cancel theirs as it’s not needed anymore. Why would BIL reimburse OP for a beach house they booked when he also booked one? That makes no sense! Continue the narrative the BIL has booked a vacation for the family and let that all play out.
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u/Big-Examination-4381 1d ago
NTA! I would’ve said it right then and there 😂 “are you insane???” That would’ve been my blurted question 😂
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u/Gini555 1d ago
I'd send the details to everyone in a NEW chat that does not include BIL. Let him go on and on about it on his own, but DO NOT send any details to him. Everyone will see him for what he is.
Edited to add WNBTA
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u/Randomdays99 1d ago
Seems like AI and rage bait.
BIL should know that everything could be easily debunked.
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u/Uglybutstillwinning 1d ago
Post your receipt and ask if BIL if he is referring to this booking. If not, then you need to know so you can cancel the trip that you booked.
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u/Routine-Yak2264 1d ago
Email your MIL “I didn’t want to stir the pot at the table bc I guess BIL is having money issues but I actually paid for this trip for you and wanted to make sure you guys knew to congratulate (husband).”
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u/cabbagesoup127 1d ago
Why dont people speak up? Did BIL create an issue, yeah, but why didnt you or your husband speak up at the dinner and say "actually its from all of us" and add your piece to why you wanted to do the trip.
I think your husband should talk to his brother about how his actions were mean and that the trip wouldn't even be happening if it weren't for you booking it. It was out of lioe for BIL to take full credit.
I would maybe text BIL privately and just ask why he took full credit for a joint gift and say you will forward everyone the info since you have it.
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u/Tight-Low-9241 1d ago
Group chat: Hey! thanks to BIL for doing this! now we can cancel the plans we paid for! Look forward to the trip.
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u/Striking_Ad_6742 1d ago
“BIL, I’m not sure what details you’re planning to send out but I have all of the confirmations and receipts that we have paid and arranged. Happy to put it all in a document for mom and dad.” Group chat.
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u/1newguy72 1d ago
Group chat, BIL the vacation you booked was on my CC let’s settle up, the in-laws do appreciate what you did. please forward the $3400
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u/Alternative-Pear9096 1d ago
I'm not seeing anything here about how you are handling your husband in this? Your husband is an Ahole, and his brother is an Ahole.
(I would definitely text the group asking if you should cancel the booking you made and paid for after he told you he wouldn't be participating. But that's not the end fo this. Your husband and your BIL are serious problems with your life. )
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u/Mammoth-Suit9357 1d ago
You should cancel it and not say anything. There is a reason your husband is letting the brother take credit. I think even if the parents find out the truth they will turn it so you and your husband are the bad guys and the BIL is a victim in all this.
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u/PhDTARDIS 1d ago
I'd reverse Uno card BIL.
Here's our flight information. Thanks for taking this on because I cancelled the reservation I'd made when you said you'd booked another place. (without actually doing it)
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u/PatDye1984 1d ago
Group text. “WOW! Had no idea you’d be able to afford to book a place after you couldn’t cover any portion of the place I booked. Thanks so much for getting me off the hook! We’ve cancelled our place and look forward to seeing what you’ve booked for the family!”
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u/Wild_Alternative_138 23h ago
I wouldn’t say a damn thing to anyone if them. I would cancel the reservation, even if it cost me a fee. I would act like I knew nothing about it. Buy your in laws a nice gift and be done.
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u/Glittering_Stock3475 15h ago
Personally I'd message BIL and his wife along the lines of 'oh dear, I think we might have had a bit of miscommunication. I booked and paid for a beach front rental, but I didn't realise you guys had also booked a place too. It only dawned on me when you made the announcement that you couldn't afford to pay us because you had decided to book yourselves so I've gone ahead and cancelled our booking. Can you send us the details of the rental you have booked and we will send you over our share of the costs'
Obviously don't cancel your reservation because BIL clearly is just taking credit, but shit then up a bit and I'm sure it will all come out
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u/ChaoticCrashy 1d ago
Cancel the trip. It’s pretty simple. Unless you expect to pay the entire amount and get zero credit.
CANCEL THE TRIP
Edit:NTA
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u/Zeal_of_Zebras 1d ago
Cancel it.
Reply in the chat! It’s so wonderful that you did this for your parents and we can’t wait to see the photos! Where are you taking them?
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u/SteelersMakeMeDrink 1d ago
Fuck that guy. I’d post it in the group chat without comment and let the conversation naturally occur.
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u/Inevitable-Agent-992 1d ago
Cancel your booking and get a refund. When they ask why. You can say since he told everyone he already booked one, you realized there didn’t need to be two so you cancelled yours.