Nearly every man I've ever dated has been an awkward-looking, skinny nerd who seemed super nice and wholesome and then tore me down once we were dating. It happened again and I'm exhausted. I'm pretty; I'm educated; I have cool hobbies and a robust social life. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I don't tolerate this behavior anywhere else in my life.

I have a mental health history and a cycle I have now been in 4 times is:

- I am doing just fine

- I catch feelings for "wholesome" nerdy guy (spoiler: he's just an insecure d*ckwad)

- He does stuff that makes me anxious (some assorted examples from past lovers: negged me, read my diary, hit on my best friend, confused me with mixed signals, constantly talked about his ex gf and how no one ever compared to her...)

- My mental health deteriorates

- He knows just how to fix the problem he created and I temporarily feel better

- Then he creates another problem, I'm anxious again, I want reassurance

- Now my mental health is too much. I'm crazy, fragile, needy, he doesn't know if he can do this, he needs me to get a handle on my mental health.

- I'm bending over backwards trying to prove my stability to keep him, which makes my mental health worse...

- The relationship ends (usually I get fed up and leave) and I am once again enraged that I let a loser treat me so badly when I could've been dating anyone else.

The latest insecure loser was a surgeon who fooled me because he came across as super confident, and I really thought he had enough going for him to not be another d*ckwad who had nothing better to do than tear down a beautiful woman who cared about him. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

It's ALWAYS my mental health they go after. ​I'm not insecure about anything else and it's like they sniff out the weakness. And then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because i get so dysregulated in the relationship that I think they're right and I am "too much."

God, please tell me I am not the only one who's been repeatedly treated like garbage by people way out of my league in the negative direction.

Girls, has anyone else ever successfully changed their type?

Got a TAD (screw placed into my jawbone) for Invisalign (whoever invented this kind of stuff hates human), was fine for 3 months until yesterday my gums around it started swelling. idk why it happened but probably because I didn’t rest well this week, weak immunity&didn’t clean it appropriately?
Anyways, took Metronidazole according to my dentist and it doesn’t get better, still swollen but doesn’t hurt.
Also can’t took some of the medicine recommended for gum infection as I used to be allergic to penicillin, and am not sure how I’ll react to it now. I’m an international student here, so i couldn’t even go to my dentist at home to treat it🥲

So im currently bed rotting after having some noodle soup my roommate made me (she’s the best) , crying and feeling very lonely😔😔it’s times like this when I miss my family and just wanna be home, I hate being (almost) friendless and living far away from my loved ones on top of being sick ughhh

I met up with a friend today and the first thing I noticed was her phone assistant was talking with the same accent I have except more pronounced. I could tell she didnt realize/maybe forgot to change it from her facial expressions. I asked her why her phone assistant has that accent and she told me she liked it because it was funny. I told her I didnt understand what was funny and she said she'd change it but we were in a rush and she couldnt.

Its been bothering me the entire day and I cant tell if its offensive or Im just being bothered over nothing.

Edit: Im Korean and the accent was a Korean accent. Ive worked hard to get an American accent and its pretty good imo but sometimes my Korean accent slips through. The friend is white. She has never said/done anything racist before and as far as I know, she is not a kpop/kdrama fan.

hey girlies! i got good news today and for some background, my boyfriend is in the military and has been deployed since July, serving 10 months and was supposed to return some time late May but he recently got orders to return late February!!! i’m extremely excited and grateful and i know i know, it’s the military, so at any point they could change his return date but im just celebrating the victory today :) we get to talk daily but he works 12 hour shifts every other day so there’s some days where i only get to have a couple conversations before he leaves for his shift. he’s my everything and he’s supportive and incredibly thoughtful. im just ecstatic to possibly have him back three months earlier than expected!

please please don’t comment things about military men being evil, my boyfriend is not the majority and he’s the sweetest that will ever be <3

dinner is some oxtail with green beans, baked mac and cheese and potatoes!

It's been a rough day.
I'm a van lifer and have been on a three week vacation up the pacific coast.
California (home) Oregon then Washington. 3 days left on my trip, I drive on some sketchy roads to catch a beautiful view of the sunset and stay for the night.

Wake up in the morning and the car won't start!
After panic, I look around to find a trail of car transmission fluid that completely drained out while I slept.

Yep 😖 hit a giant pothole and damaged the transmission pan. Stranded up here for the day, triple A won't come up these roads because it's too dangerous. Great!

Lunch is cheese quesadilla with homemade salsa! (Pretty delish tbh)

Me and my Mum have always had a strange and rocky relationship. Growing up I was always a bit more of a Dad’s girl; I felt like he understood me better and didn’t give such hot and cold vibes like my Mum. She’s always been notoriously selfish and money hungry (she won a £500 reward once and gave £50 to me, £50 to my Dad then kept the rest for herself, she also willingly didn’t work for years and put my Dad in debt), but ultimately I know she still loves me.

I would also consider her to be narcissistic; when her and my Dad split up, she would constantly tell me that because my Dad left he didn’t love me as much as she did. During this time she also read my diary, whcih I found out about because she confronted me about why I said I prefer being at my Dad’s to my Mum’s. I never wrote in a diary again.

I have given her the benefit of the doubt as I’ve grown into an adult because I know she’s been through hardships: her mother, brother and Dad died within ten years, so she now has no family spare myself, her only child. She works a boring job, and doesn’t do much except drink wine, watch TV and go to work.

She used to have lots of hobbies but as she’s gotten older and her knees have gotten worse, I feel like she has fallen into dangerous comforts such as not leaving the house often and no longer going to the gym. She has no friends, no partner, only her work friends who she only sees during work-do’s or work itself. I’ve told her several times to join a club or tried to help her get a boyfriend, but nothing came from it.

I live a six hour drive away and work full time and have my own life, but a few times a year I’ll go to see her, yet talking to her is painful. She has zero social skills to the point where she’s rude but doesn’t mean it. She lies to me about getting the physiotherapy she desperately needs, never asks any questions about my own life, and constantly refers to me like I’m a child.

Today, we had a terrible fall out, and her nastiness I remembered she would inflict on my Dad growing up came out. She kept texting saying to call her, I said I can’t I’m busy let’s organise a call tomorrow, she told me to put down the phone on whoever I was talking to and to prioritise her because she’s my Mum, and I told her it didn’t work like that. I then said ‘ask me politely instead of demanding to speak to me please’. She ignored this and kept ringing me and eventually I picked up the phone in which I stated clearly that I didn’t appreciate the way she was talking to me, but at the end of the call she repeated that she didn’t get why I was mad with her. Cut to her texting me again after the calling saying:

‘upset and all I ever done is help you. Through your illness and got you through uni but now you do not care for me and accuse me of things. Sad’

By illness she means my eating disorder ten years ago, which she did help me with along with my Dad. This was one of the most traumatic things that ever happened to me. With uni I have no idea what she’s on about - I took a max loan and got a bursery and scholarship, no help from my parents (I didn’t need it, uni was a blissful time for me).

I reassure her that I care about her and was just stating something that upset me and if she wants to call about it more we can, she ignores this then says that I don’t care about her. She says:

‘Sick of being accused of something I have not done and being a single parent and working my ass off and getting no thanks so no.’

So then I tell her let’s leave it for tomorrow then, then twenty minutes later she demands to have a ‘small talk with me’, I tell her I’m tired now and want to just go to bed, she calls me anyway and I ignore it. She keeps calling me until finally she just sends a message saying ‘well, I tried. I don’t know what I did wrong but I love you.’

I talked to my Dad about it, the ONLY other person who understands even a little bit. He says she likes to play victim to regain control of the situation.

If my Mum wasn’t my Mum, I would not give this as much of my energy as I have. But she is, and I’m the only person she has left. There are times where the immense pressure to be there for someone who ultimately does not treat me well and acts like a child feels overwhelming.

Tea was a vegan chilli with quinoa and yoghurt.

Dinner last night was a salmon and rice bowl- highly recommend!

Hi all:)! Long time lurker and here’s my first post🥳.

I’m a 23F and have been in the service industry for ~7 years. I primarily work night shifts as the mornings tend to be slower, which I don’t enjoy. I went to college on a scholarship and played softball right out of high school, took a gap year, decided to go back, finished my second year of college, and ultimately figured out that what I wanted to do (social work with a focus in a*bu*ed adults and children) was extremely hard on me as an empath and the pay didn’t even come CLOSE to what I make as a bartender/ server. My struggle here is that Im in a relationship (this is the man I’m going to marry), my health and wellness has taken an overall decline recently because of the long hours/lack of routine with the odd schedule, I am diagnosed with BPD, depression, anxiety, and severe ADHD but I’ve worked extremely hard with meds and therapy to help- ultimately I decided I would stick to the therapy and coping skills but routine and structure are crucial to these for me, no medication anymore for any of my diagnosis, my sleep schedule is all out of whack,I have a dog who I love soooo much who deserves more from me (we still do A LOT and she has her daddy but I miss her every time I work a double or 8+hour shifts), I miss working out everyday, prioritizing my health/ wellness, and overall I think I’m just ready for a lifestyle change. Bartending gets especially brutal on the weekend shifts I.e. missing out on weekend plans with friends, getting off so late and then wanting to socialize and staying out until 3/4am hanging with coworkers, not getting to enjoy my spiritual journey (church) because of this, not getting to do dinners with my partner, not getting to explore the new city I’m in, and overall just feeling like shit. I want my life back. I wanna grow up a bit too. I feel a bit immature in some senses as far as career progression goes. I love people and would prefer to do something oriented towards them. I really enjoy spreading love and kindness, talking to strangers, and just being human lol. With that being said, I want routine and structure. Im seeking out advice from anyone in this sub that has faced this personally and/or has someone close to them that has. What’re good career options coming out of this industry? Is it worth taking a pay cut? Is there a way to achieve a better work- life balance? I apologize in advance that my writing is all over the place! I feel like I articulate myself way better when I speak🥲. Either way, thank you all in advance for the support, kindness, and advice. Sending light and love to yall 🩷✨

Lunch is a bagel with turkey and brie cheese
Ok so we broke up nearly 5 months ago and I still miss him every now and then but this past week has been so hard I don’t know why he dose not have me blocked on anything which makes me think he doesn’t care he reached out 3 times over the summer then stopped he hasn’t found someone new but now I really miss him I don’t know why our relationship was so horrible and draining but I loved him so much I tried to move on but I can’t
What should I do?

I know friendships get more difficult as time goes on, but how do I get new people to like me? I just want friends who want to hang out with me and initiate things :( whenever I ask friends to hang out with me they say they’re busy and I end up seeing them hang out with others. Yes, everyone has their own lives but I get a little sad.

I go home from work hoping I haven’t annoyed anyone and the conversations I had were actually enjoyable for the other party, not just me. I try to suggest going somewhere or hanging out together but it doesn’t take off and I dwell on it.

I do enjoy my alone time, but some things I just want to do with friends. Don’t know if I’m just too in my head or not. Dinner was a sushi bowl.

Dinner is lentil and vegetable soup with hummus because I'm ill :)

So I (29F) was in an on/off three-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend (29M) for three years. I've struggled a lot with my insecurities during the relationship, it's my first relationship and I've had quite a few challenges due to being trans. Nobody really knows about my transition or gender history because I transitioned quite young, but I still definitely have a lot of insecurities and a fragile sense of self. I also have OCD.

This led to me struggling a lot with my ex-boyfriend's past, which included 2 relationships and a hookup, especially because he told me a lot of (unsolicited) details about it. What was a dreamy, blissful relationship slowly descended into me becoming more and more insecure and questioning him about his past. We always dealt with it okay until we went long distance about 2 years ago.

After that point I asked him something about his past once and he confessed he'd lied/minimized before and I got really upset, because honesty is important to me. He then went "I've got a knife in my hand and I'll do something to myself unless you stop." I tried to break up with him the following day but got a bunch of emails insinuating that he would end his life if I did. Knowing he lied made me much more insecure.

Around this time there was this guy who I felt very attracted to who asked me out. In retrospect it was stupid, I knew almost nothing about him, but I felt like I wanted a new experience and wanted to stop obsessing about my bf's past. So I broke up with him and agreed to go on a date with the new guy. When my bf found out, he got so upset and video called me from a bridge saying he would jump if I didn't cut off the new guy.

I promised I would but I didn't, and I spoke to him for another week before things fizzled out although we never went on a date. Following this my relationship with my bf kept deteriorating, and he continued leveraging threats about his life, including when I wanted to meet up with a friend who I'd previously had a talking stage with (before my bf and I met) and he overdosed on paracetamol to stop me.

I know I didn't have the cleanest boundaries in these situations. After this things kept deteriorating because I would keep asking questions about his past, and I became quite toxic. I'd interrogate him, and insult him saying things like "you were a manw****," "you were a desperate dog," and basically shaming him. I also deliberately told him things about my past to hurt him. Some of the things he'd done in the past were a bit weird like sending random FB/IG requests to women he didn't know and then somehow ending up sending them dick pics or even having sex with one of them in a hotel room, plus letting his ex give him a blowjob in a public place despite us living in a very conservative country where you could be locked up for that.

This went on for a little while and eventually he told me he'd fabricated his entire past and none of it was true. I was super upset and broke it off with him immediately. By this point our communication had broken down quite a lot, he would repeatedly hang up on me mid-conversation when I tried to talk to him. He flew to see me in person (against my will) and we had a chaotic reunion where I behaved like a genuine psycho, running away from him in the street, pushing him, throwing away the gifts he'd gotten me, and hitting his leg. He did also grab me on a couple of occasions and ended one of my close friendships deliberately.

We patched things up and I was determined to change my behavior after this, so I stopped insulting him altogether. However whenever I brought up his lying he'd get super angry and would shout at me. Eventually he confessed some of his past was actually real, and then when I asked him questions about the truth he said things like "any woman is better than you," "I should've married my ex," and "cry and di*."

I broke up with him after that and didn't speak to him for 3 months but he kept trying to contact me. Eventually I went back and he confessed of his own accord a different version of his past. I felt panicky with all the lies and started interrogating him again and overreacting. He said horrible things about me and my family, including bringing up me being trans, held a knife to his throat on video call and kicked his phone while we were talking.

About a month later we resumed talking. In the interim I'd had a talking stage with a friend of mine who said he liked me and we did flirt on calls, but decided not to take things further.

I've had quite a tough year. I had a surgery that went wrong in Jan, followed by an extreme physical and psychological crisis where I felt like I wanted to end my life and spent 2 months in a psych ward, had to drop out of my masters and move back in with my parents. My dad also then underwent open heart surgery.

My bf initially supported me with the surgery but later whenever I tried to discuss our past issues he'd just rail at me, calling me a "wh*** who just wanted dick," "a horny person," "a worm," "a cow," and so on. This was in response to the two guys who I'd flirted with during our off periods, despite nothing having happened with either of them. He also said racist and homophobic things about my friends.

I wasn't very nice to him in March or June in conversations we had that bookended my time in the psych ward. I was in a really bad place and I did revisit his past and call it "sick," "disgusting," "psycho" among other things, and blamed him for everything that went wrong in the relationship. I also kept saying we wouldn't be able to be together. Throughout all this he kept insisting that he loved me, he was sorry, and that he would never leave me.

He somewhat abruptly then broke up with me at the end of June, and two weeks later I found out he was talking to another girl. I asked him if he was and he said yes and not to contact him again so I didn't. I reflected a lot on our relationship and apologized for all my mistakes and told him he was the love of my life.

Two months later he came back saying he'd made a terrible mistake and wanted to get back together. I calmly asked him what had happened with the other girl and he got angry almost immediately. He eventually said he'd met her at an event after our breakup and they'd gone on 4 dates but nothing had happened.

3 weeks later he confessed that he'd actually met her on Bumble, and that he started using Bumble while I was in the psych ward even though we hadn't fully broken up. He also said he'd dated this girl for 3 months, maybe had feelings for her, and had slept with her twice. He said he'd blocked her but the following week he said that was a lie too and that he hadn't, because he was worried she'd come and look for him.

When I've tried to have conversations with him, I've stayed calm this time around. But he still hangs up mid-conversation if he gets irritated, says things like "being with her was better than being with you," if I ask him questions, and claims that the reason for all of this happening was my difficulty with letting go of his past. Yesterday I asked him why he'd kissed this girl and why he'd wanted to drop her home and he said "I can't do those things with you because you're not here," accused me of not having a plan to visit him, and then hung up. He's also said "what problems do you have" and said I don't understand what he's going through. He keeps talking about ending his life because he can't handle hurting me the way he did, and I've found a therapist for him, sent him helpline numbers, offered to speak to his brother but he's refused all of it.

I've now ended things and blocked him hopefully for good but I just feel so utterly hopeless. He keeps sending me emails saying he wants me but I just can't anymore especially after what he did. I'm so ashamed of my behavior in this relationship. I'm trying to be better, I've started working with an OCD specialist therapist which has really helped, but I feel so guilty for the way I treated my ex-bf. And I miss the old him and what we had so so much and can't help feeling responsible for the relationship turning into this.

I just keep seeing these billion dollar companies wanting to make big projects, expansions, wanting to exploit more resources from the earth, and I just wonder...don't we have enough? And I don't mean the work that needs to be done to feed everyone, to have everyone live in stable and good conditions, where no one grows up knowing hunger and has access to education, but then I think, will that matter if the earth is basically dead?

But do we really need flying cars? Do we really need to break down pieces of mangroves and step over turtles nests to build more hotels? And do we really need to cut down more ancient forests full of life to expand the cattle industry and put more cows there? Do we really need to keep poisoning our oceans and loosing our biodiversity for the sake of growth? When will it be enough? When the earth is just a few dozen monocultures of soy and some other dozen types of plants, fruits and vegetables and there is nothing left but humans, cows, pigs etc, and pets?

Idk I just would like to know what's the end goal? Why do we keep expanding and building and exploiting and mining and keep calling it development and progress? Don't the other living creatures of our planet deserve their place here? And do the rich really believe that the decimation of our planet will not come for them eventually?

Dinner was: avocado toast and hojicha latte

How the fuck do you get over the anger of being disrespected and cheated on? I asked him to show me who he talks to on his phone and he denied. There were several valid reasons as to why I would ask for it (p.e. he had Snapchat without me knowing and had hinge while we were in fights - which I didn’t know until a friend of mine saw him on it). He never has even opened his phone next to me (only his work mobile) and I never made a deal out of it. He constantly would be sus of me and would read chats with my online gaming friends. I never asked to read his chats, only to see with whom he is speaking.

He promised I could always have a look but when I asked he denied. I asked him if he would choose to rather lose me than just showing who he talks to. Well he made his choice and of course now we are over. I don’t want to be with a man that downloads hinge an hour after a fight instead of fixing an easy problem anyway.

I am so fucking angry that this man lead me on for 1.5years while I’m 29. I did everything for him. He lied about having the same values and supposedly found out his exes cheated by going through their texts. I’m so incredibly angry that I believed this man would be different. I’m so angry he wasted my time. I’m so fucking angry he did all this stuff behind my back. I don’t ever want to hear this man again but im so angry that he crossed all the promises and boundaries we supposedly set.

He know my ex and I broke up the day I asked to see his DMs, because he would always check mine and always flipped his phone to the side when he sat next to me. The day we broke up I demanded to see his DMs and it was full of girls. I can’t believe the man I loved did the same thing to me.

I ordered rice with Thai chili sauce, tofu, eggs and vegetables because I’m too tired to do some grocery shopping.

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years. There’s been about 5 instances that I have caught him in small “white” lies. I’ve started compiling a list because I’m really at the verge of just ending it. For example, he’s made up really elaborate stories about things from his past (no, I don’t care about his past. I have a whole child with someone else lol) to hide that it was something him and his ex did/had together. Like, he would say him and his roommates had chickens at their apartment but really they were his ex’s family’s chickens on their farm(?!?!!) and when I would ask questions bc having chickens at an apartment doesn’t make sense, he’d like have a full blown story. Well I found out the truth obviously. Another one is he once randomly asked me if I ever used dating apps, I said yes and he said “no, I hate that stuff” Come to find out, he met his ex on a dating app. There’s other instances but every time, it takes like 20 mins for him to tell me the truth after I say I’m just going to leave and I’ll come back when he’s ready to be honest. Every time he says it’s because he doesn’t want me to get mad, but I rarely get mad at him and if I do, it’s not even angry, I just want to have a conversation. At this point it’s happened like 5 times, and he’s always prided himself on HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY! That he HATES liars!!! That even a small lie is a big lie. So, that being said, should I just end it? I know if he lies about small things he will lie about big things. Idk. Also 1. Ive had this conversation with him MULTIPLE TIMES and he says he’ll stop. 2. I will still have another conversation with him. I just want to hear another perspective. I’ve been with terrible men and he’s so good to me but I told myself I’d never look past a red flag again so omg. Help. Has anyone dealt with this and it got better or is it bound to get worse. I’m starting to be so resentful

Chili and cornbread🥲

Dinner: Squid ink seafood pasta with caviar I had in Moldova.

Long one but the way I met my boyfriend and how things lined up between us is a story I want to share here!

First off: I wasn't trying to snatch my friends ex! I never heard of him before and she prefaced that they were childhood friends and each others first love as TEENAGERS.
He found her on facebook after roughly 15 years of no contact and decided to reach out. She was also dating someone at the time. It was simply a catch up for the sake of curiosity.

And me, well I was only there because I broke up with my fiance literally the day before and the planned weekend trip with him fell through obviously.

That was May 2025 in said friends backyard. It was a chill hang out and we all clicked immediately.
But my friend (now ex friend but for other reasons) told him to delete mine and my other (male) friends number after we exchanged contacts.
Her reasoning: I just don't want y'all to stay in touch. ???????
Ok whatever.
My friendship with her was already strained at this point and I wasn't in the mood for more drama.
I needed to process my own break up anyway.

Only one little thing...neither of us two actually deleted anything. (Without knowing the other did the same so)
We told her "fine" and left it at that.

In October 2025 I cut contact with her over a whole series of unrelated problems and drama she caused me.

January 2026 rolls around and I randomly message him out of curiosity. I really had nothing in the back of my mind, I didn't even expect an answer but he did.

He wrote something along the lines: "Of course I remember you, because in fact, I didn't delete you either. She can go eat rocks"
He also mentioned that he never heard from her again after this one hang out.
From there on we had contact roughly every other week, sometimes a bit more. We also met up a couple times.
I enjoyed his company a lot and started to really like him.

In early August 2026 we travelled through eastern Europe together for one week. We finally got closer and it was probably the most enjoyable and romantic getaway of my life.
Late August he asked me if I want to be his girlfriend. Needless to say I'm the happiest girl ever since.
All because of many coincidences and random messages many months later...Or was it fate? Who knows.

Anyway, I have never been in a healthy, strong, safe, caring and loving relationship like this. He makes me feel valued and respected.
My love for this man grows everyday and I never get tired of clinging on him whenever we're together.

Neither of us speaks to you anymore and you were always a toxic and problematic individual, but thank you for introducing us JJ!

Food is: homemade spice cake with apple pie filling and pumpkin spice caramel drizzle.

I was having a little tea session on the phone with a male friend, and he was talking about some things his boss, who also happens to be a friend that he has a whole DND campaign with, has done that he was telling him today. One of which was belittling a female employee under him.

The other thing my friend told me his boss/friend did was, because the job involves teaching students to go to tournaments and travel, taking some competitors to SoCal. And then after they didn't get top of the tournament spots despite how hard they worked, he took them to Disneyland's drop off to get them hyped up to go, saying he bought them tickets, made them get ready to get out of the car, before hitting the gas and leaving the drop off and driving home in silence without letting them out, until he broke the silence telling them because they didn't win, they don't get to have fun on the trip.

I have to add, this guy works at a community college that is known as a great school for those who are from poor backgrounds, immigrants, or working multiple jobs and trying to work for something better. I have no idea who the students were, but the likelihood of them never having gone to Disneyland before or being from a background where such a splurge is unheard of is likely. And my friend was laughing recounting this story, and his boss is viewed by him and others with such respect.

Maybe this just hit me hard because I come from an unfortunate background, or maybe I'm just so disappointed in my friend for finding this so funny among other things his other male friends have done that I'm just overreacting. But man, sometimes men suck in new fresh ways i never thought about before.

My two best friends and I parted ways last year after 10 years. All the feelings came back because I got to know that one of them is engaged recently.

We met in college. I always thought I had finally found people who really matched my mindset. We never really had a fight. We were all so supportive, happy for each other’s achievements in life, and there for each other when some of us went through hard times.

Everything was going well until I got married and moved abroad to be with my husband last year. As part of this move, I started spending less and less time talking to them on the phone because I was adjusting to the new place and meeting new people. I still kept in touch every now and then.

During this time, one of my friends was going through a situation where she was trying to get her parents to agree to her marrying her long time boyfriend. I knew her father had accepted him, and I was genuinely so happy for her. I was so excited for them.

Then there was a gap of a month when I didn’t contact them, but they were still on my mind. I’m one of those people who doesn’t call others very often, but I often think about them.

When I called Friend A, she sounded a bit off, but we chatted for a while. A week later, she sent me a long message saying how I had changed after moving abroad and how I was calling her less than I used to.
I agree with this part, and I would have apologised if that had been the only issue. She went on to say how she had constantly been there for me when I was having problems with my husband (which she had, yes), and that now that I was all settled, I had started ignoring them because I didn’t need them anymore. That was definitely not true, but I could still understand why she might have felt that way.

Then she went on to say that I was lying about my life abroad and that I didn’t have to lie because we were all struggling financially the same. This was because I had told her that my husband had bought two houses. I didn’t know about this until three months after I came here, and it came as a surprise to me, too. I wanted to share this news with them.

When my husband and I were in a long-distance relationship, he always told me that he didn’t earn very much and that we had some debts (which we do). This was what I used to tell my friends as well.

The news may have shocked them, too, but to accuse me of outright lying instead of asking more questions about it….

She also went on to call me jealous of her relationship with her boyfriend. She thinks very highly of their relationship, which I understand, but that doesn’t mean she has to demean my relationship.

She said that I was able to go abroad only because I married my husband, whereas she went abroad because of her own hard work. I was the one staying up at night after work to help her out with her assignments sometimes so she could work part-time and earn money.

She said that I copied everything she did in life(I don’t know what I copied) and wasn’t worth much on my own. I lost it at that point.

Now, about Friend B. I was very close to her as well, and we shared a lot of interests. I called her immediately to understand what was going on. She said she didn’t really know what had happened between Friend A and me, but that she had also had some problems with me.

She said I was closer to Friend A and had intentionally stopped sharing certain things with her. I’m a little more careful when speaking with Friend B because she has gone through a lot emotionally, and I avoid bringing up things that might trigger her because of her past. It turns out they had a problem with that, too.

I reassured her that this wasn’t the case, that she was just as much my best friend, and apologised for making her feel that way.

The next time I called, she didn’t pick up. The next 20–30 times I called her, she didn’t pick up either.
Initially, I was worried that something might have happened to her, but eventually, I realised that she had cut off our friendship, too.

All of this happened so suddenly that, even after a year, it still hurts a lot when I think about them.
All of this came back to me because I found out that Friend A is engaged.

It’s such an emotional moment for me. I feel so happy for her, but also so sad that I’m no longer a part of her life.

Some days I want to reach out to her to talk things out but she has blocked me everywhere(her family too, weirdly). I don’t know where things went wrong but 10 years seems to be a long time for misunderstandings like these.

Dinner: costco cookie(it was giant, couldn’t finish it)

31F my mom and I have avoided contact with her siblings for almost 10 years. I lived with my gma (her mom) back in college and we had a falling out, I’m on speaking terms with my gma now but I avoid my aunt + uncle at all costs. They said some pretty terrible things about my mom, never told her directly but me + my gma were the messengers. I lived with my gma for HS up until finishing college and my mom’s sister had an issue with that from day one. She was nasty towards me, would say judgmental things about my mom/her sons and is truthfully a narcissistic cunt. She thinks she’s better than everyone & can’t ever apologize or own up to her shortcomings. Outsiders like family friends or other relatives thought that she was jealous of the relationship that I had with my grandmother. I was close with my uncle until he also told me something pretty terrible and made judgmental remarks about my mom behind her back too. My uncle was living in another state until earlier this year, his wife died, and he moved in with my gma. She’s getting old & can’t take care of his dogs, which is why my mom has pretty much been an unpaid caregiver to her.

My mom has rekindled her relationship with her brother fully, he helps her financially and claims that he’s grown up. My gma’s health has deteriorated, nothing severe but there was a health scare recently and my mom had to interact with her sister. My mom would tell me that they wouldn’t even make eye contact but seems like they’re warming up, it was awkward and it’s turned into sibling group text to give updates on my gma’s health. She’s back home, and my mom is currently taking care of my gma full-time. My mom claims that she + her sister are simply civil, she doesn’t trust her and doesn’t share anything personal. My mom doesn’t bring me up, I don’t come up in conversation (my preference) but her sister seems open to communicating with my brothers. Before my mom was even talking to her siblings again, it was implied that her sister would be open to making amends with pretty much everyone except me. I brushed that off but now it’s getting to me, considering that my mom communicates with these people again. I have no desire to talk to these people ever again but it’s just so fucking stupid, considering I was a kid at the time, and you’re a grown adult. I checked Facebook for the first time in forever today & saw that my mom posted a group photo with her siblings.

Am I being too bitter or is my mom being too trusting in letting her siblings back into her life?

To keep a really long story short he has been distant, and his aggression has been increasing. He keeps telling me how my duty as a wife is to please him and give him more children that he should not need to ask for sex. (I have an ongoing medical issue so I haven’t been able to please him and he doesn’t seem to care about that. All he cares about is not getting any sex.) Well he stopped bugging me about it as often here recently and I think I found out why. I went on his computer and found messages on a discord chat between him and a coworker. She asked him if he wanted any titty pics and he said it wouldn’t be appropriate to have on his computer. Then she said that she still had his number?! And he said “true 😉” he didn’t deny it. He didn’t say no or shut her down, he just didn’t want it on his work computer. Whenever she came up in conversation he made it seem like this coworker was obnoxious and he didn’t like working with her that he just got stuck with her. Well, I talked to his mom last night (since we still live with them). I don’t have a mom myself so I wanted some advice. Her advice was to leave it alone, don’t bother with it. Her words “don’t poke the nest just let sleeping dogs lie” the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.🤦‍♀️ She’s insistent he’s being harassed and just doesn’t know what to say and who knows maybe she’s right perhaps he is being harassed I don’t know. I haven’t brought it up to him. He just wants to know why I am mean all the time now. This man was messaging her on my birthday, which he said he had to go to “ the office” so I spent my birthday alone. I rechecked the messages a little while ago and he scheduled another shift to work with her. He sent her a message saying that he picked up a shift specifically to be with her. He hasn’t told me that he’s picking up a shift (not that it matters since he’s never here). I should add that this chick is engaged to another man and just turned 20. We have a two year-old together and he’s rarely over here yet when he is here he has to tell me how to parent. He micromanages everything even though he doesn’t do anything when he is here. I don’t have any money of my own and he took the credit card away since groceries were too expensive and it would be cheaper if he bought them instead. I don’t have any family either so I’m stuck here at his parents house wondering if I’m jumping to conclusions and how to broach the subject with him. I didn’t see any pictures so there’s a possibility his mom is right and maybe he is being sexually harassed and he doesn’t know how to handle the situation. I’m lost I don’t know what to do. I never dated or had friends so I don’t have a sense of normalcy. Pizza with jalapenos green peppers onion and pepperoni.

Reddit took down my other post for the word affair in the title sorry.

Dinner is tuna salad on rice cakes.

Hi all. Long time lurker here and I’ve been wanting to make a post for a while because the past several months have been hard. I’m a first time mom to a beautiful baby girl who just turned 6 months old. I stay at home with her but I’m also working on my PhD, currently all but dissertation and learning how to chip away at my project while managing our household chores and taking care of our baby. My husband just got a new job a couple months ago and we moved when our baby was 3 months old. The job is absolutely better for us as a family unit in terms of my husband’s career path and salary since I stay at home, but everything about it has been hard. We previously lived in a cute walkable town where I had made a handful of very good friends — that move happened right before we got married 2 years ago and was to a new state. Now we moved within that state to a new city where we know nobody. All that to say that we live far from family and I am a social being who needs friends. Ever since moving here I have felt so shy - like a turtle in my shell and not had the courage to ask random people I see to be my friends. I know eventually I’ll meet people but some days I feel like I’m going to go crazy. My husband is a sweetheart and he is so good to me but I have so many days that I’m in a bad mood and since I don’t do much and don’t go anywhere and blah blah blah he ends up on the receiving end of a lot of jabs on my part. He is tired of it. I’m tired of it. I’ve done therapy in the past and that was great, I don’t think I have anything major going on internally or physically or whatever. I think I’m just struggling to be grateful for everything I have. I have so many blessings in my life and somewhere along the road I just became jaded by so many things and so many people and now I’m just a glass half empty gal. I go on daily walks sometimes more than once a day if my baby seems like she needs stimulating, I exercise 4-5x a week… I am a generally healthy person physically. I’m not just laying around all day. Except that at the end of the day when I go to bed I do feel like my day has amounted to nothing. I still have boxes that need unpacking/putting away and we moved in August. I’ve rearranged our kitchen like 17 times since moving. I’m officially back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I’m not happy with my body :( I don’t need to be a skinny mini but I want to feel strong and fit again and I want my winter clothes to fit because I don’t want to have to buy yet another set of clothes. I have sciatica since the end of my pregnancy and it has been worse lately because I’ve been going on longer walks (I think. Idk why it’s worse). Probably a little depressed but it ebbs and flows so much. I have some really great days and other days that I’m so tired (baby doesn’t sleep through the night). I feel like my husband and I never get time together anymore. He’s working so much more now and he wakes up so early to go to work and get work done beforehand (he is doing his MBA). On top of all that we have been abstaining since our daughter was born because I don’t have a consistent cycle back yet and we don’t use contraceptives. Sad. And with all my grumpy moods I feel like maybe that’s better but also it’s definitely worse. I feel like I allow so many little inconveniences to derail my day and while I’m aware of that I struggle to actually change for the better. I want to be better for my husband and my daughter. For myself. For our family. I just want to feel normal again but I don’t even know what that means. I just want to be my happy self but I don’t know where she went and I don’t know how long ago she left. Virtual hugs appreciated.

Chicken parm, bucatini and white wine because it’s a comfort food for me and it’s the best I can do to celebrate my bday.

⚠️TW:DV⚠️

I posted here last week about how my husband abused me after a drunken argument. A lot of you mentioned how dangerous all he has done to me is and how much I normalized it, so I finally told my family. They weren’t very supportive at first. Many said it wasn’t that big of a deal or that they didn’t want to get in the middle of things since “we’re married and probably going to make up anyway”. But I realized I was terrified of dying at his hands and no one would notice or care. All I have wanted for a very long time is to be happy, healthy, and safe (and it’s come to my attention this is the bare minimum). So I kept pushing the issue and I finally did it. I finally got someone to understand my fear and help me. A family member agreed to let me stay with them, made a gfm to help with moving/court costs, I’m applying for childcare subsidies, I’m looking into help securing an apartment of my own, and I honestly wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the reality check you guys gave me. I’m still very much so lost and scared. But I’m so happy that I can start to work towards better. Or at the very least just breathe. Thanks so much for being realistic with me and supportive during this difficult transition. Any advice or tips during this time are welcomed and appreciated (I’m now a single mom/DV survivor in my mid 20s and don’t have much guidance/people to turn to). I have no clue what the future holds right now but I feel like this is a win (or at least a step in the right direction) so I shall continue to rest and eat but I shall also drink my wine and try to be merry. Happy birthday to the little girl in me who needed the reminder that we deserve better.

Cinnamon roll, I run a business and this is my classic.

As title said, are there any sprinkle of hope for men?
Maybe I’m overthinking this or might be due to the fact that the people around me are just coincidentally shit, but ALL men I have met have had some sort of problems with themselves.
Either:
They’re really insecure
Their upbringing is so bad that it just makes them a fundamentally broken person
They lack the ability to understand and empathise

I grew up in a filipino household and so you can just imagine the neighbourhood: alcohol addicts are sprawled around the street, old uncles and unresolved husbands catcalling and looking at you when you’re 13

Like I got sexually assaulted by my grandpa, my ex sexually coerced me, my other ex was verbally abusive, my dad had commitment issues and deep rooted insecurities

Most of my friends that were guys were absolutely great and could keep a conversation, make meaningful discussions about things but when you go beyond a friendship, the way they have been brought up really shows.

I’m not saying all men are horrible but almost 9 out of 10 you get a girl saying they’ve had a bad experience with a man, or a male family member, or a coworker, or their husband. I’m also very tolerant of bad behaviour the first time but seriously??? Why does it happen again and agan

Looking beyond this, I think (a lot of) men are so troubled deep down.

I have given up with this whole dating thing 😭🙏

Dad had a heart attack over the weekend. It was the scariest moment of my life. I thought my daddy was going to die. He's finally out of the ICU after a few days, and mom is with him -- that's all that matters. He will have his angiogram next week. He's back to his usual self and already had rounds of visitors, Mr. Popular ugh.

Being a daddy's girl at 30 is a fucking joke. Old enough that I'm supposed to have all my shit together, apparently, but really, forever just a baby girl who wants 100 if not 200 years with her old man.

I haven't had proper sleep and a proper meal since Sunday night. I've been eating all my feelings, all the carb-heavy greasy fried shit. I must admit, the things I've been worrying the most about suddenly feel so small: Being single at 30 and whether I'd find love, stressing out over my master's thesis, work deliverables and deadlines, my jiggly arms and stomach, am I skinny enough, do I look fat in pictures, etc. Who fucking cares? I just want my daddy to be okay :(

I haven't gone on a 10k-step walk since, because my dad is my only walking buddy. He is my birding buddy too. At my grand old age, my old man still insists to drive me to and fro work, pick me up late nights because he doesn't want me riding the train very late. I love you so much daddy. Please get better soon.

Hug your dad for me.

food is bomb chicken nachos!

Every time I post about my relationship I feel like such an alien. The feedback is always that I’m doing it wrong, that I need lots of therapy (which I have). Do people really have such strict scripts they adhere to regarding romantic relationships?

For context I am 35 and have never done this before. I’ve always been an avid dater and had fun. None of my friends or family engage in romantic relationships so I don’t have that as a working model of what they look like. They don’t even know I’m mixed up in this.

So I come online to learn and, man. People ask if I “like” my boyfriend, they respond so strangely when I speak about getting dumped in the future. They say my therapist is bad and wrong after finding out I am getting the therapy they think I need lol. Also not sure what my therapist is supposed to do about me not having experienced something.

People tell me I should be single. I was single for 34 years of my life and when I was dating people said I was doing it wrong if I wasn’t getting into a relationship. Now I am in the relationship and it’s still wrong.

Some say, “who cares what people think as long as it works for you!” But I’ve never done this before. I have no metric of success or what works.

EDIT: my bff is in a relationship but because we do not talk about dating she literally never mentions this person. I do not know his name. She knows I’m not really into boyfriend talk so I have never met him. She does not consider him to be the most important part of her life like some people do with their relationships.

To preface everything, I'm a 22 yrs old woman, I am queer and I have been with women before. I'm currently in a relationship, with a man (23).

I guess we are doing good and I do believe that I love him but I don't know why a lot of the time I catch myself day dreaming about being with a woman in details and next thing you know I'm dwelling on my past relationships with women and how fulfilling they were and how much more action and engagement in things like going on dates, flirting, going out was more present and I miss it. Like even and especially having sex with a woman just feels better to me and I miss it.

I feel guilty thinking this way because I do love my partner and I'm a bit at lost with what to do in this situation.

Anyways, pic is Mr.Puffs bueno flavor with hot chocolate

[ Advice needed !! Trigger warning: Isolation, coercive control ]

My friend of 3-4yrs has been dating this guy since I knew her. He met her playing an online game and they started dating since.

We use to all hang out together, me and my husband, her and her boyfriend and my best friend and his girlfriend. As time went on, I noticed she was less and less present with us. She was very timid and whenever I asked her a question her boyfriend would answer when I wasn’t even talking to him.

Recently it’s gotten worse, I haven’t seen her in months because her boyfriend doesn’t approve of her hanging out with us. Not to mention when I’ve been texting her recently it’s her boyfriend who responds. It’s very easy to tell the difference of how they both text, he misspells a lot and shortens words when she writes out sentences. Sometimes I text her and she replies, but often times it’s her boyfriend who responds.

When I tried making a girls day at the mall her boyfriend came along and stayed at the mall. I kept asking her if he was leaving and she said yes, but I had a feeling he wasn’t gone. I felt like I was being watched the entire time.

I invited her to go out again to a restaurant and she said yes, when I asked again a day ago she said her boyfriend made plans that day and she couldn’t go anymore. After me and our friends moved our schedule around to make it happen because we were excited to finally see her again.

I invited her to a music festival and even offered to pay her ticket, she told me her boyfriend didn’t want her going and wouldn’t really explain why. I finally got fed up and told her I can’t be friends with someone who lets their boyfriend dictate when I can see her.

He doesn’t provide for her, he’s a freeloader and makes her believe she would be nothing without him. He compares her to fictional characters and makes remarks about her body in front of me. Her self esteem is non existent and it hurts to see. I’m not sure why she’s so hellbent on staying with a man who provides nothing but mental torment.

My friend told me I can’t cut her off because it’s what her boyfriend wants. He wants her support system gone and he wants to control who she hangs with.

He lets her hang out with her other friends only if they stay at their house (he moved in with her mom and dad, so she truly has no escape from him) or if it’s something he wants to do.

I agree with my friend, I know it’s what he wants but I can’t keep defending a friendship that’s taking a toll on me. I feel like a horrible friend for even thinking about giving up, but it takes a toll on me every time I plan something and her boyfriend decides she can’t go. She tried breaking up with him before but he ended up convincing her to go back. She’s tried multiple times but always ends up back to him. I can’t save her, and I know that but I wish I could save our friendship and be able to see her more often.

Dinner is a sushi platter