r/Millennials • u/LumpusKrampus Millennial made of Hotdogs • 9h ago
Meme It was still common when we grew up, right?
I don't think I could live with myself if I did it to my own kid these days, to be honest
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u/Astra-Fang Millennial 9h ago
My parents were more civilized.
They just crushed your soul daily in a way that didnt leave a mark, so you had no help and no support.
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u/Realistic_Owl_8613 9h ago
Why beat your kids when psychological trauma is so much more permanent.
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u/ehpotsirhc_ 9h ago
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u/Euphoric_Average_271 9h ago
Yeah, this is what I was thinking. My parents got me dealing with mental shit well into my 30s. I didn't start getting better till I cut them out.
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u/SlimmThiccDadd 9h ago
I think you’re joking but just in case, obviously physical trauma includes a MASSIVE psychological component
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u/caligaris_cabinet 8h ago
I just tell my kids the ice caps are melting, we’re in the middle of a mass extinction, our bodies are full of plastic, and there’s nothing we can do about it
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u/hansblixkilldslmshdy 9h ago
more efficient and arguably more effective
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u/Sammisuperficial 9h ago
More effective in causing long term psychological damage. Not effective for correcting behavior.
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u/Astra-Fang Millennial 7h ago
What makes you think correcting behavior was their goal?
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u/my_brain_is_horny Millennial 8h ago edited 8h ago
Ugh yes, mine did this too. And I had CPS called 3 separate times. 2 were teachers and one was a parent of a friend of mine. And every time CPS told me they couldn't help me because they weren't physically abusive. They said as long as I was fed, had a roof over my head, and in school, and physical abuse wasnt happening, there was nothing they could do. And of course after each case was closed, I got horribly punished in very cruel ways because it was my fault CPS kept coming. They were very clever with ways to punish me without physical abuse.
It's why I packed a bag and left the morning of my 17th birthday before they even woke up. I immediately went and filed for emancipation. After explaining to the judge how much parents have always treated me, he granted my emancipation without even speaking to my parents. And then I ghosted them afterwards. Best decision I've ever made! I am still so proud of myself for getting emancipated. My mental health improved tremendously once they were out of my life and I moved across the country.
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u/Astra-Fang Millennial 7h ago
Sadly I didn’t realize my parents were dog shit until I had my own kids.
For reference people had to tell me Mother Gothel was abusive instead of just being a funny version of a normal mom.
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u/Rustedcrown 8h ago
Why yall got parents denying hitting? My parents advertize it freely like it was somthing they where proud of doing and finish off with a "and look how great you turned out!"
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u/hardlybroken1 7h ago
My parents yelled at me that i am "raising their grandkids WRONG" by NOT hitting them. (We dont see them anymore...)
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u/Rustedcrown 7h ago
My grandma used to yell at the top of her lung that the only reason theres so many mental illnesses now is becuse "kids aren't getting their asses beat enough"
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u/theseedbeader Older Millennial 3h ago
My grandfather (who abused my mom horribly) once told her she didn’t hit us enough. Thank goodness he lives out of state and I haven’t spoken to him for years. He’s now my only living biological grandparent, and he’s a very hateful person who has somehow cheated death for years despite some serious illnesses.
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u/over-it2989 5h ago
Mine would forget everything.
“Hey mom, remember when you bought two bamboo canes to hit us with so you wouldn’t have to get up and do it?”
Apparently not.
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u/IsabellaGalavant 6h ago
No no, my mother was a perfect beacon of patience and understanding according to her. All those bruises? Must have gotten those at band practice (?). The CPTSD I was diagnosed with due to the abuse? Someone else must have hurt me! Definitely not the woman who choked me to the point of almost passing out, hit me so hard on the arm I couldn't lift it for a week and had a softball-sized bruise and welt, grabbed and dragged me across the floor by my hair, beat me so savagely with a large hardcover book (the 4th Harry Potter book) that I had bruises from the back of my neck all the way to me knees... yeah she definitely didn't do any of that according to her.
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u/epicureme11 8h ago
And did you? Turn out great that is.
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u/Rustedcrown 8h ago
Besides all the weird mental issues i somehow ended up being the most financially stable in the family, but i think thats becuse i hate the idea of being dependent on someone.
I also have 0 interest in commiting to any relationship with anyone.
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u/ImminentDebacle 86' 8h ago
It's unfortunate that despite our childhood trauma many of us still turned out okay. It just reinforces to them that what they did was okay, and they will die thinking it.
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u/Artichokiemon Hi-C Ecto Cooler 5h ago
Jokes on them, my brother and I both spent a decade as junkies, and my sister is full no-contact, as well as a step-sister who was also a junkie that committed suicide. They fully fucked up 4/6th of their kids
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u/epicureme11 8h ago
I totally get both not wanting to be dependent on anyone both financially and emotionally.
I try to focus on and surround myself with positive. That helps keep the weird mental issues at bay. But damn, they're always lurking. Waiting for me to let my guard down.5
u/Appropriate-Bug-6467 5h ago
Sounds like a maladjusted trauma response
You can't be dependent on anyone because your family taught you through abuse
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u/DoringItBetterNow 8h ago
My brother got scammed by so many women. Even co-signed a loan. 😂
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u/Rustedcrown 8h ago
My distrust of peeps is stronger then my sex drive, any hint of a red flag and im already out
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u/ChiddyBangz 9h ago
Lol I got spanked with a belt, sandal, wooden or plastic ruler, wooden spoons or just a bare hand. My dad would preface a spanking with this hurts me more then it hurts you.
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u/cadillacactor 9h ago
Mine would always include an out of context Bible verse.
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u/Rhewin Millennial 9h ago
Followed by "this is a little bit of pain now to save you from a lot of pain later" and a hug
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u/Xaedria 7h ago
That's so funny to me because if it was actually true they would've stopped. My husband can recall getting like two spankings his entire life because his dad is an old boomer and beating your kids was just what you did, so he really truly gave it a God's honest try. When he found his 7 year old had pissed himself in fear and his 5 year old defiantly stuffing pillows into his pants to cheat his spanking, he was so horrified he stopped entirely and never spanked either one of them again. THAT is proof it actually hurt his dad.
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u/ChiddyBangz 7h ago
My brother and I did stuff our pants with blankets or something. This was when we lived with my grandma. She was a lot more stricter and intense about hitting. Well one time while spanking my brother he didn't cry so she pulled his pants down and then hit him on his bare skin. She wasn't horrified at all but then again she's a hard women.
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u/finix2409 8h ago
I got spanked with a big wooden paddle that my mom hung on the wall. “The paddle”
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u/PineBNorth85 1986 6h ago
I never got that line. I kinda wish i did so i could call bullshit on it. Even if it made things worse.
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u/theseedbeader Older Millennial 9h ago
My mom was the main one who hit us, though occasionally my dad would. I actually think it traumatized us a bit, I still have a lot of anxiety about authority figures and really low self esteem… My sisters and I really weren’t even bad kids, we didn’t get in trouble at school or anything, but sometimes kids make mistakes or do stupid things.
I could never hit a kid, no way. :(
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u/P3pp3rSauc3 9h ago
My dad tried to beat the ADHD outta me. But my sister could do no wrong. Really fucked up shit
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u/SlimmThiccDadd 9h ago
My mom used to hit me too. She’s a good loving mom, she just had an insane ability to snap and lose control of her anger. She had us young and had a traumatic childhood so I think she just lacked proper coping mechanisms. Now that I have two little ones of my own, I couldn’t imagine ever laying a finger on them.
I do forgive my mom though, she worked really hard on herself and has become a calm voice of reason in my life.
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u/theseedbeader Older Millennial 7h ago
My mom definitely also had a traumatic childhood, and she’s still a mess. She has mellowed out a lot, but she is far from being healed. I try to forgive her, she also had me young (at 17), and I like to think she was doing the best she knew how to. It’s a cultural thing too, my whole family believes in corporal punishment.
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u/GreatPotatoMuffin 4h ago
I’m so happy that our generation seems to be doing way better with loving and nurturing parenting.
In my house we teach our kids that mistakes are okay. And mistakes are expected. We all make mistakes
Every time the kids knock over a glass of water, we say “Whoopsie! That’s okay. Now go get the kitchen cloth and clean it up, while I pour you a new glass of water”.
And sometimes dad does it as well, and the kids laugh and tell me to go get the kitchen cloth.
They’re only 3 and 5 years old and both already know what to do when this happens.
My Boomer parents would yell out in frustration and disappointment when that happened and scold me for not being careful.
Wonder why I grew up with a deep rooted fear for doing anything wrong or failing in any way.
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u/Wahx-il-Baqar 8h ago
"I actually think it traumatized us a bit, I still have a lot of anxiety about authority figures and really low self esteem"
My god. So true. Im the same.
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u/theseedbeader Older Millennial 7h ago
I know it isn’t always logical, but it’s hard to move past my anxieties. :(
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u/Wahx-il-Baqar 6h ago
Did you also have insane respect and fear from teachers and police, for example?
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u/PineBNorth85 1986 9h ago
Very. And now they act like it didnt happen. Infuriating.
Didnt stop til i hit back.
Though honestly the constant yelling did way more long term damage than the hitting did.
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u/buttfacesgalore 8h ago
Constant yelling has scarred me more than the hitting, wooden spoons and flying dishes ever did. That only happened to us older kids though. After we moved out, they decided to start acting like they gave a fuck about the younger kids. Im glad they had a better childhood but god damn im pretty resentful lol
Thank you for reading my trauma dump ;)
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u/Embarrassed_Jerk 8h ago
Wanna bet that the younger ones were also abused just not in front of the adults
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u/buttfacesgalore 8h ago
No, they get upset when we talk about our parents in a bad light. Big family though, theyre 20 years younger.
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u/mangongo 7h ago
In some cases sure, but in many, no. People do learn from their mistakes, they just don't like to admit they were wrong.
Many of us are older than our parents were when we were abused, I can't imagine I wouldn't have made mistakes with my kids either if I had them. Not saying I would have hit them, but I'm a vastly different person now in my thirties than I was in my twenties.
Realizing your parents were just younger versions of yourself with less information raising a child in an environment where emotional intelligence was barely even a concept is very sobering.
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u/leftsideofthefairway 8h ago
If think it depends on where you are from, I'm born in 1986, in Scandinavia. Didn't really happen at all here, remember one mate telling us it happened once, everyone else was absolutely shocked
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u/Embarrassed_Jerk 8h ago
My mom told my girlfriend that they never hit me or my sister and in fact never even yelled at us. I was like mother i spend a decade in therapy to get over your physical and mental abuse!
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u/ForeverUnclean19 9h ago
My mom had 2 paint stirring sticks taped together. This was after the hands, fly swatter, wooden spoons, and leather studded belts didn’t “work.”
Then we transitioned to non-verbal punishment. Silence still feels angry and I’m almost 40.
My therapist really making bank over my fucked up childhood.
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u/fairy_bite 8h ago
You sound like my brother. When my mom's hands started bruising, she used objects to hit him with.
He would just laugh maniacally at her, have objects broken on him, and became super resistant to pain. Like piercing his own ear when he was 8 with a piercing gun.
Our parents stopped hitting him when he grew big enough to fuck them up, around 14. He also moved in with a friend around that time.
He has a lot of issues, but jujitsu seems to give him a lot of peace as he works through them.
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u/wookiex84 9h ago
“I’LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!”
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u/Most-Entrepreneur553 7h ago
Mine was “You’re really pushin’ it” and “You’re really crusin’ for a bruisin’” as a warning. Interestingly enough I never was bruised but the point still stood, I knew I would get a pop or kick on the behind and that I better cover my ass and run
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u/upstatedreaming3816 Millennial 8h ago
My parents were hippies, so not for my brother and I. I think we each received maybe two “potches” (a single slap on the rear) during our entire childhoods and it was always when we had put ourselves or someone else at risk of grave bodily harm. Other than that, we got lectures, talks, timeouts, grounded, etc., but never actually hit or anything.
With my own kids, I’ve never once laid a finger on them as punishment and I think it’s going well.
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u/lavishvibes Xennial 8h ago
Same, hippie parents!! My parents weren't physical at all.
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u/DiddoDashi 4h ago
Likewise. My hippie parents would never have dreamed of using physical violence against us. My mom ONCE called me a brat, and it was the worst thing she ever did to me as a child. I was so lucky to have them.
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u/cytokine7 5h ago
Whenever I think about the idea of spanking I just muse the thought ”this kid is having a really hard time regulating themselves, you know what would help? adding violence to the equation.”
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u/TRJ2241987 9h ago
Elder boomer parents are always in denial about these sorts of things
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u/Embarrassed_Jerk 8h ago
Lol i had to point at the scar on my head to remind my mother of the things she had denied. She denied it again the next time it came up
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u/LegitSoDickBig 9h ago
Same thing happened to me recently. Was recounting how I used to get spanked with a belt on my bare ass and my dad was like, “I NEVER DID THAT!”
Pretty sure I didn’t just make that memory up, Pops….
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u/Dirty_Taint_Tickler 2h ago
Neither of my parents remember the horrible shit they did to me or my siblings and act confused whenever we bring it up. Yeah it's really my fault I can't sleep without locking my bedroom door at night, couldn't have anything to do with them busting in my room at 2am mad about something that happened a few days ago and beating the shit out of me in bed then leaving like nothing happened. Fuck boomers and their abusive shit.
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u/Plantsandsmut 1h ago
Oh yeah I had those nights too!
And being dragged out of bed by the hair to walk the dog, at 3am, even though my mum was awake telling me to do this?
Or to wash the dishes she just dirtied cause they can't be there in the morning.
Sorry you went through similar.
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u/Why_r_people_ 8h ago
Oh my dad is horrified that I remember he used to let me pick what belt I got hit with, he was adamant he never laid a hand on me 🙄
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u/theseedbeader Older Millennial 3h ago
Having to pick out a belt was psychological torture and I’ll die on that hill. :(
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u/DeCoburgeois 3h ago edited 56m ago
Both my parents used to hit me, but my dad could be particularly aggressive. My brother and me would occasionally play up causing my short tempered mother to lose the plot. She would end up calling my dad who was on shift work at the factory to tell him about us playing up or swearing at her which always led to a guaranteed beating. Once this happened I knew that the moment he got home I was fucked. My dad drove a 1980s Nissan patrol which you could hear coming from the end of the street. As soon as he'd come through the door I'd start running and begging him not to hit me. Usually I'd end up getting cornered in my room where he would grab a handful of my hair, pin my face into the mattress and punch me repeatedly in the arse. That engine noise would still trigger me years later.
I have a good relationship with my parents these days, but I can see now my parents are both just uneducated simple people. It doesn't excuse them for this behaviour, and I see now that they're just a product of their own shitty parents. I don't have children of my own but if I did I'd never treat them like this. My brother has kids and my parents still say they need to be smacked.
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u/kaleidopanda 2h ago
Yeah, my dad tells me to do the same with my son.
Not happening.
He may have whooped me, bullied me (still does), and has a skewed view on the world, but I turned out not believing in those things and feel like my compassion for others is due to his crappy parenting.
Sorry for what you went through.
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u/How_that_convo_went 1h ago
If your dad is bullying you now, just know you’re a grown ass man with the right— nay, the duty— to tell him to fuck all the way off.
At a certain point, compassion for someone who acts like a dickhead isn’t compassion. It’s enabling.
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u/DeCoburgeois 1h ago
My brother's kids are quite behavioural and when my wife and me are chatting about it to my parents, they always say they need to be smacked and severely punished. I always make sure to tell them that is the wrong approach and cruel, which they just roll their eyes. Unfrotunately at that age you can't really change people's minds and if anything it just ingrains their shitty attitudes further.
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u/kaleidopanda 38m ago
Oh, he gets a "stop being such an asshole" often. I'm his youngest daughter. When I was younger I used to cry and be all like, I hate my dad. Now, I stand up to him and tell him what's what. So I guess it is more like, he tries and fails to bully me. Then tries to bully my son and I stop him before he can finish his sentence.
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u/DeCoburgeois 1h ago
Thank you. Sounds like depsite the bullshit you've turned out to a great parent. Your son is lucky to have you.
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u/funny_bunny33 2h ago
Oh my God that's horrific!! I'm just imagining that happening my sons and I feel like I'm going to cry
I was beat as a child and I will NEVER lay a finger on my babies. My husband even jokes that sometimes I'm too soft but I don't care. They're my whole world and I love them so much it hurts.
I do discipline them when they're naughty but they're really well behaved kids. Beating on kids is not the answer. I will never agree with people who think hitting kids is okay.
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u/DeCoburgeois 1h ago
Obviously I'm not a parent, but even I can see it's an arhcaic and barbaric approach to parenting and has no place is a civilised society. People who still think this way shouldn't have children. Disclipine is one thing, but beating....
Sounds like you are a great and loving mother!
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u/Commercial_Tip4624 49m ago
Jesus fuck, man. Awful. But seeing your reply to a response to this comment is such a testamount to the power of forgiveness. I yearn for a day I can recognize letting all the brutal shit go is an act of self love, and liberates you.
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u/DeCoburgeois 42m ago
Thanks mate. At the end of the day I think I only really have two choices. Choose to move on and accept my parents as the people that they are or cut them out of my life. Despite the horrible shit they put us through as kids, there was a lot of good as well. Also now that we're adults, they treat us as equals, which makes moving on much easier. If they still treated me and my brother's kids that way, I would have no hesitation cutting them out.
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u/Soft_Beyond_8205 9m ago
uneducated abusive people. I hope you get therapy, and I hope you know you did not deserve that. Abusive people are not people who lose control- they are people who use control to get what they want.
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u/JimmyJooish 9h ago
It’s still common now. It’s more taboo to openly admit, though.
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u/MyVectorProfessor 5h ago
It's much less common. Yes it became more taboo for the parents to admit, but in the era of modern therapy it has become less taboo for the child to admit.
There has been a huge decrease in the last 20 years.
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u/tcari394 9h ago
My dad was rarely physically violent.. but the unrelenting psychological toll of being blamed for everything that ever went wrong during his day really fucked me up for life. Emotional abuse doesn't leave a bruise.. but holy fuck does it alter your mind.
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u/Doesthiscountas1 Millennial 9h ago
My step father was like this so I left home. I told my mom if that's what she likes then she's welcomed to have it all to herself. Surprise! It wasn't ever me.
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u/squatchsax Millennial 9h ago
It took years to unwire my flinch reaction that I never understood the origins of until adulthood and independence. Fuck.
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u/llamainleggings 9h ago
You ever get hit and then to stop you from crying he'd stand over you and cover your mouth until you hyperventilate to the point of nearly passing out?
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u/milo4206 9h ago
That's severe abuse.
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u/llamainleggings 7h ago
Yeah, and I just had to live with it until I was 17. My mother had the financial stability and family support to get me out of the situation but she stayed with him.
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u/ezcb 8h ago
YES. My father would hit me in the face and then if i cried he would hit me again and i would sit there hyperventilating trying to stop crying. I sometimes try to relate this with my white friends and a joking way and they're all like 'why do you keep telling us that'. I sometimes feel like i'm on a different planet.
Honestly it was traumatic but the complete lack of common experience leaves me baffled sometimes.
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u/ChiddyBangz 8h ago edited 8h ago
Those aren't good friends. Im so very sorry you experienced such deep neglectful and unloving parents. You deserved a safe environment growing up.
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u/ezcb 8h ago
Honestly, they can't relate and they don't understand. I don't think they're bad friends. A lot of people don't know how to respond in emotional situations (they're mostly engineers). It's important to forgive people for little slights and ignore potentially imagined ones; that's what i think at least.
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u/ChiddyBangz 8h ago
Still doesn't make them good friends for YOU. As humans we have flaws but friends are people we get to invite in our life, to laugh with, share memories, open up with and be seen and understood. People who cant show you empathy or say hey Im here for you anytime you need arent showing you care. Being able to vent to a friend about a terrible childhood memory should be the norm. But it takes time to build that trust maybe after a year I dunno depends how often you talk and the depth of the conversations.
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u/llamainleggings 7h ago
He'd make sure to never hit me where it would leave an easily visible bruise. Couldn't risk unmasking his nice guy persona to people outside the family.
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u/ImminentDebacle 86' 7h ago
I got slapped in the face a couple times. I think it made mom feel really bad, so it went to spankings.
I think they tried not to abuse us and were aware of trying not to cross a line, but their punishment toolbag was very thin when we were little.
I still don't know which I prefer. The worst was getting spanked by dad (and his huge thick belt) and then grounded for a week on top of that, but those were saved for big fuck ups.
I don't even know what I did wrong as a kid, I can't remember. I know I didn't go my chores frequently, but it seems crazy to me that I would be spanked for that.
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u/Embarrassed_Jerk 8h ago
No no the promise of additional abuse if they heard us crying helped us learn how to cry silently
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u/TopWhich6862 9h ago
I never once even had the URGE to strike my child. Having a kid solidified my understanding that the way I was raised was abusive.
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u/Xaedria 7h ago
I don't even have kids because I don't like them. My nieces and nephew are so goddamn annoying a lot of the time but I cannot even imagine hitting one of them.
And fuck anyone justifying that they didn't hit their kids because it's "just spanking". I was raised in the Bible belt and I've heard so many people my age say they weren't hit, just spanked. My friend, your parents chose to use physical violence to control you. You WERE HIT. Spanking is not special. It's all abuse and studies have proven as much.
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u/imanasshole1331 9h ago
My dad used to whack me with his belt. I’d call
him out on it now but he drank himself to death 23 years ago.
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u/fearthainne 9h ago
I got spanked some, either with hand or belt, while being told I was "lucky" because they (mom and dad) either got the metal end of a flyswatter or had to go out and cut their own switch.
Eventually my parents realized it basically had no effect on me. High pain tolerance plus realizing it was very temporary pain did little to deter me. They changed to grounding me and taking my books away at that point.
Although my dad used to make my brother and I stand in the corner and hold a penny to the wall with our nose. Mom ended that when she found out about it. 🤷♀️
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u/ImminentDebacle 86' 7h ago
Grounding sucked ass. The corner was short but still sucked ass for a kid with ADHD. Brain just melting out of boredom. I learned the wall had an appreciable taste.
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u/neature_feature 8h ago
“We didn’t know any better.”
But did you try to learn another way? No.
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u/MyVectorProfessor 5h ago
Honestly, that logic holds. People don't know what they don't know.
Most people do activities the way they observed them throughout their lives.
Not hitting children didn't become a talking point until the late 20th century. And pre-internet it took forever for information to spread.
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u/CuriousStewart 9h ago
My dad refused to ever hit me after what his father did to him.
My mother though, she gave sharp spankings and was happy to wash my mouth out with soap.
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u/milo4206 6h ago
Yeah, one of my siblings' spouses was genuinely beaten as a kid by his alcoholic dad and he won't consider even the lightest kind of spanking. Makes a lot of sense.
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u/LilFrecklesSunshine 3h ago
FUCKING ACCURATE
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u/LilFrecklesSunshine 3h ago
My dad hit me with pipes over the head, and threw me into walls by the ankle. Now he looks bewildered when I call him out on it.
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u/StarSeekerDragon Millennial 1984 9h ago
I was about to say I don't think my dad hit me, but spankings is hitting, so yeah, plenty of hitting then. Sometimes just to add punishment, I would have to watch a toy either get thrown away or broken (that's only if I didn't clean my room ASAP or if I didn't share toys with my younger sister).
At some point the spankings stopped and mostly turned into yelling and screaming. And even though my dad has chilled out over the past several years, I still can't handle guys aggressively yelling (that includes IRL and acting).
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u/etherealsmog 5h ago
I read the nursery rhyme to my daughter when she was five:
There was an old woman
who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children
she knew not what to do.
So she fed them some broth
without any bread.
Then she whipped them all soundly
and put them to bed.
And my daughter asked: “Um, what is ‘whipped’?”
“It’s just another word for ‘spanked.’”
“Okay.” pause “But what is ‘spanked’?”
And honestly that was a proud parenting moment for me. I love that my daughter made it to 5 years old without even knowing what a spanking is.
She’s no spoiled brat, either. You can discipline a child without hitting them.
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u/Wak3upHicks 9h ago
Dad was the one you wanted to do the ass whooping, he held back. Mom on the other hand? Satan incarnate
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u/SarahBear81 9h ago
My Dad once beat me with a canoe paddle because I couldn't paddle hard enough for him. First he just hit me in the life jacket but it progressed to my shoulders and the back of my head. I was 13.
I was always getting getting a hand to the back of the head or spanked. He used to spank me so hard I would wet myself.
But yeah, if I ever talk to my family about it, I deserved it all for being a rotten kid.
I don't really speak to my family anymore and I'm in therapy.
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u/PracticalMushroom693 3h ago
Fuck them, and sorry you had to live through that, you didn’t deserve it
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u/MDNA4Life 9h ago
Or your mom saying i brought you into this world. I can take you out
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u/Who-Could-Say 9h ago
Mom never did. Now my dad and my grandparents living in The South....best believe I caught some switches and belts.
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u/Brav0-L0v3r 8h ago
I just confronted my mom for the first time ever about hitting me and mental abuse (I’m 34) and she basically laughed in my face and said I need to move on plus worse things. I really think that’s going to be the last time we speak. I decided to finally block her and my dads numbers. Just nice to know I’m not alone or the crazy one
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u/Depth_Metal 9h ago
I remember reading some kind of psychology paper that says as we get older and older our brains tend to keep the pleasant memories of things we did and erase out the memories of the bad things we do because there is more overall incentive to keep the happy stuff. Im not excusing your dad for not taking responsibility for his actions Im just saying the brain is interesting and unreliable at times
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u/Astra-Fang Millennial 9h ago
The problem is they deny it instead of just forget it.
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u/poodlevutt 9h ago
Interesting. I wish my brain would actually erase all the bad shit. Getting tired of dealing with it.
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u/VTSAX_VTI 9h ago
Why do they all deny it?
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u/rebelangel Xennial 8h ago
“I don’t remember that” is such a common Boomer refrain.
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u/caligaris_cabinet 8h ago
I threw the “tree remembers but the ax forgets” once at my old man. He got quiet
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u/Awkward_Dig8690 3h ago
how about this one: "you were always so mad at me, I don't know why"
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u/BlessedSRE 9h ago
lmao I was talking with my Mom the other day about how she'd hit us.. she's like "I never hit y'all, sometimes you'd get a little pop on the mouth" ... I'm like tf do you think a "pop on the mouth" is???
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u/Drum_Eatenton 8h ago
I brought up my dad beating the shit out of me after I was an adult, along with the fact that my mom used to hold me down to help. She told me I deserved it.
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u/Exciting_Mess3730 7h ago
Damn dude im so sorry you went through that. I think its better to know they were awful. Im constantly wondering whether mine are gaslighting me or actually mentally deficient.
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u/No-Dig_Enthusiast Millennial 6h ago
My mum never hit me but she allowed my step-dad to hit me. I'd get a slap across the back of the head sometimes, or I'd get yanked along by the arm to my room, or if I didn't get out of bed in the morning I'd get the duvet pulled right off me and taken away, and then if I still didn't get up I'd get a glass of water thrown over me.
I was extremely defiant to him though, he hated me and I hated him so it was never gonna work.
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u/poodlevutt 9h ago
I got whipped with belts, fly swatters, willow branches and flip flops.
Not a fun time.
Edit: forgot getting whipped with a ruler.
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u/FhuckNorris247 9h ago
My dad never hit me but my mom put soap in my mouth and threw a chefs knife at my brother once but she missed and it got stuck in the wall
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u/Schneetmacher Younger Millennial 9h ago
and threw a chefs knife at my brother once
So... yeah, that's literally attempted murder. Has she ever been made to address the fact that she literally tried to murder her son?
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u/caligaris_cabinet 8h ago
That escalated quickly. Soap in mouth is relatively harmless but not something that is done today. Throwing a chefs knife at your child though. Jesus.
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u/CubicalWombatPoops 9h ago
I remember being a very small child when my stepfather lifted me by the throat and held my head under the bathtub faucet.
The more traumatic part about growing up in a household with violence is being made to believe that your abuse was your fault.
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u/Younggryan42 9h ago
They always deny it since it was never reported as abuse when you were a minor
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u/SnookerandWhiskey 9h ago
It was already outlawed when I was young. My parents followed some war generation advice to curb my toddler tantrums with smacks on the butt and other archaic methods, but they apologized for it without me needing to adress it first over the years, repeatedly telling me not to follow this path with my own, since it leads to eternal regrets.
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u/Iamnotabotiswearonit 8h ago
How about the scar on my back from when you through me through a glass entertainment center.
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u/GuilleTork 8h ago
My father only hit me a couple of times that I remember, but it was so messed up that I still find it hard to even talk about it in therapy.
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u/bearamongus19 8h ago
We got spanked but it usually came after we really messed up or were given multiple warnings
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u/Kita-B 7h ago
I do not hold any grudge for any of times that I got smacked. I remember some of the events and I would even smack myself if I were my father. But man my mom gave me the silent treatments maybe even for a week. Now that shit hurt more than any slap and I still hate her for doing that.
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u/Highway_Man87 3h ago
Definitely. Mom and Dad wouldn't hesitate to backhand us, but somehow Mom's psychological fuckery was immensely worse, and she apparently remembers none of it, despite the negative effects it had on us.
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u/ApplicationAfraid334 1993 9h ago
Dang this is one of those subconscious ear worms that comes up every time I see ‘who and what’
But for real. My dad once mentioned how ‘we ate good’ and I have so many memories of getting yelled at for being hungry
My mom was an alcoholic. I brought one thing up, just in conversation and not in judgement, about me kicking her in defense because she was on top of me hitting me and she didn’t remember it. It’s weird because I have a lot of memories like that, where I ‘could’ bring up but would feel bad? Because she was blackout drunk and wouldn’t remember. Like part of me doesn’t want my mom to remember those things.
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u/Coretrayn 9h ago
Not really. I guess I got spanked a few times in the 90s but it was very much an extreme case and definitely even just that was on its way out. But I mean, I think some shitty people still do that.
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u/AlabasterRadio 9h ago
I was put out on the street with nowhere to go at 17 and nearly twenty years later my mom swears up and down she didn't do that lol
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u/Alejandroso31 Gen Z - 2006 🇲🇽 7h ago
It's still common here in Mexico, I dunno about Gen Alpha, but some of us Zoomers got some of that too
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u/decisivecat 7h ago
Yes to being hit and all it did was make me resentful and set extremely harsh boundaries with family as compared to people I feel safer around. As a kid, I got really good at running outside before I could get caught and then not come home for hours, or I'd climb into my box spring mattress to hide (when I got too big for this, I would hide inside my closet under a pile of clothes). The only thing hitting me did was make my anxiety worse and I flinch often if someone lifts their hand near me. It certainly didn't teach me respect.
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u/Short_Switch_1807 6h ago
My mother would make go and snap off a stick from the willow tree, she'd hit either the palms of my hands or the backs of my calves.
My father just spanked us with his hand, but it was still too much.
All it did was turn me into a fearful person. For the longest time, I was just scared of my parents.
I do not hit my children, but they face logical consequences, but I don't even have to do that often because they are just genuinely kind hearted children who excel at school and are kind and respectful to others, and most importantly they're not scared of me.
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u/VisenyaRose 1988 6h ago
Oh yes. I got a smack. I cant understand being able to raise a hand to a child. I couldn't do it, no matter how annoying they are
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u/Atlas7993 6h ago edited 6h ago
I got spanked with hands, belt, spoon, fly swatter, until I was about 10. I rememberthe last time I was spanked I was laughing my ass off. I don't even remember why. I just laughed. Then my Mom called my grandpa, who whipped me with his belt, at which I also laughed.
For swearing we had a bar of soap that we had to take a bite out of, chew it up, and then brush our teeth and tongue. Once we'd brushed our entire mouth out we could finally rinse. Used to make me puke almost every time.
A couple years a go (as a 30 y/o married adult who has their own home) my Mom gifted me a kitchen towel that said "I Survived Getting Spanked" and wooden utensil set that all had a target that said "Spanking Zone" on them.
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u/LordVenom-1 5h ago
Punishment for children gets worse the further you go back in time. All the way to Matthew 15:4. Where they would unalive a child for being disrespectful. GO GOD!!!!
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u/TheJinManCan Older Millennial 9h ago
Spankings to the thigh, mostly. Open palm. I think my dad used the belt on me once. And my mom used a wet wooden spoon a couple times. I was a bit of a wild cryer though, but calmed quickly.
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u/Easy-breezy0102 9h ago
I remember one time my mom was in the kitchen about to come after us with the wooden spoon- she was so pissed she started whacking it on the counter and screaming "that's it- your gonna get the spoon!" And she whacked the counter top so hard it snapped in half- my sister and died laughing.
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u/TheJinManCan Older Millennial 9h ago
As long as you then weren't stabbed by the sharp end of the broken spoon after for laughing, I would like to say I laughed at that.
My mom was cool enough to have that bring her back, I think, as it would have brought me back with laughter as well seeing that thing snap.
All that stopped around me being 11 or 12. My brother (older) and I had an argument and my dad stepped in to calm us down and it got heated and he goes "do I need to use the belt?", to which one of us responded with "we're too old and fast for you" or something along those lines, I no longer remember.
Then the three of us were laughing as we were jumping around the bed dodging his (very not serious) belt whips. Hooray for us all getting past trauma? I guess? I dunno. It was very rare when it was serious, but they definitely did.
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u/Coretrayn 9h ago
Even my grandpa had chilled out by the time I was born but he would threaten me with going to get a "switch" lol
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u/Th3fr3shhippy 9h ago
My mom used to hit our knuckles with wooden spoons. So her friends decided to get her spoons for Christmas with all of her kids’ names on them with drawn-on faces of us so she had a dedicated wooden spoon for each of us. I laugh about it now, but I hated that shit and her punk-ass friends haha.
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u/kellelaine32 8h ago
you don’t have to laugh about adults that took delight in inflicting pain on children. That’s straight up shitty.
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u/parkerkudrow 9h ago
Same! When I tell my mom she used to hit me with a wooden spoon she acts horrified and says I must be making that up. Lol
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u/Lost_In_My_Hoodie 9h ago
Family dinner at a restaurant recently & a kid at another table kept screaming & my mom was visibly annoyed. When she asked, "why can't they control their kids?", I answered, "U can't hit them anymore, mom". It made everyone laugh uncomfortably.
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u/PocketSandDale 8h ago edited 4h ago
What does hitting mean here? When I think of hit I think of fists. I was never hit but spanked plenty of times. Hand, belt, rubber hoses, switches. But never hit.
Edit: I'm really concerned with all the people who think spanking = physical abuse/"hitting". I know this has been an issue for a while but I figured our generation wouldn't be so against it.
You should consider yourself lucky if all you got was spankings. Some kids actually got HIT by their drunk parents. It's fucking pathetic that some of you got spanked and now you need therapy. You are a bitch. The kids that have gotten BEAT by their parents are the ones that should be in therapy. But are they? No probably because they know life sucks and it's up to you and only you to make the best of it.
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u/2813josh 3h ago
Based on this comment it seems like the abuse from your childhood caused some pretty serious lingering emotional trauma
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u/DSteep 7h ago edited 7h ago
When I think of hit I think of fists.
That's called punching.
I was never hit but spanked plenty of times. Hand, belt, rubber hoses, switches. But never hit.
My dude, those are literally all hitting. And I'm sorry your parents did that to you.
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u/VeryBerryBluu 8h ago
Hitting is hitting. If you were struck with a hand or object, you were hit.
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u/CloudStrife012 6h ago
Ive never come across a situation with my kids where I thought hitting was an appropriate reaction, yet with boomers it was parenting technique #1.
Its lazy, abusive parenting.
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u/WhiskyWisdom 3h ago
Can I ask you a question that you will genuinely think about? What harm comes from the people who think that negatively affected them. In what way do you see them as "bitches"? Does gatekeeping physical abuse achieve anything? I just don't understand where you are coming from.
I feel like you are missing a lot of gray area. There are all kinds of levels between a spanking as a punishment and getting punched with a close fist.
There's lots of ways to threaten or intimidate your child, to create an atmosphere of insecurity and fear.
If you haven't experienced these things I don't think you should speak on them, I don't know your experiences, but I hope you are coming from a place of personal knowledge rather than blind speculation.
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