With the holidays around the corner I am once again facing the trips back to my small hometown. The family and I get along pretty well with the exception that they are super religious, and super republican. I could not be farther from either of those things.

Inevitably, someone will attempt to make a jab at me. In past years, to keep the peace, I would use facts to dispute their rhetoric, but those fall on deaf ears and I am eventually ganged up on because, one of me, many of them.

Important info: They have said outright that they vote maga because they are catholic and that is what the church tells them they should do. Jesus and trump are on the same level in their eyes.

This year, in a effort to shut it down, WIBTA if I point out the fact that "of course their church supports maga, since both are full of pedophiles and pedo protectors, and those types of people stick together?"

If someone starts something, I have no problem finishing it. But, is taking a stab at their church a step to far?

Hello internet, I need advice on this totally hypothetical situation. I dont want bad karma but I also feel the need to report him. All names and ages are fake.

This is a long read and tw: mentioning abusive behavior.

Context!!! My brother, who ill call Ben, (30M) and I (24F), grew up not the best. A Father who was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. And Mom who tried best but wasn't perfect either. They divorced when we were young-ish, but I had deal with the brunt of my father's abusive for a few years and then cut contact. (I could fill a book with what I experinced.) And our mom passed away a few years ago. I wont lie it, broke us. When she was sick, I wasn't there for them how I should've been but I was in an abusive relationship at the time which i eventually broke up with. I didnt know how to navigate everything but im okay now. My brother blamed me for everything, I think Ben still does till this day. Another big piece of context is that he was the golden child that could do no wrong but did a lot wrong. He also never grew up, has never left the house and used our mom, quite frankly everyone, for money. Ben only keep whoever around to use them or do favors for him. Just like our father.

Anywhooo, flash forward to today, my brother latched onto our basically step-father, Rick (66M). He is/was my mom's house high school sweetheart. (Yes i know that means my mom was like 40 when had me haha.) And they both live in our childhood home. Rick took over the mortgage with Ben. I moved out and started living with my boyfriend. And now Ben has been using Rick as well for money. He guilt trips Rick and claims he going to off him self if he doesnt figure how to get money. And then Rick feels bad for him and just pays whatever so they can keep afloat. I should also mention that Ben has a girlfriend, Izzy (28?F), who also lives him. Ben basically made impossible for her to work or even have a phone. I feel bad for the women but I have no way of contacting her. Or doing anything since I dont see anything. Ben and I havent spoken since last year. He lied to me about was wrong my car a few years ago (he a self made mechanic which yes he did know exactly what he was doing. Dude could have made a career out of it.) I sold the car to him for 400 bucks and he flipped it sold on Facebook marketplace for 3000.. Ben hasn't paid back money he owed me when we were teenagers. And Ben never paid for literally anything when we went on a vacation just a few months before stopped talking. So needless to say Ben didnt fall from the tree it comes to our father.. he just as abusive as he was.

Okay finally onto the main bit, Ben hasn't paid his taxes in Ten years. He owns his own business which is property care (lawncare, tree removal, etc). Would i be the a-word if I reported to the irs? Im scared what he'd do to me if he found out i report him. Im scared for Izzy and Rick's well-being but Rick is a combat vet and can hold his own. And Rick doesnt deserve anything of this. I also really dont want to mention to Rick that im thinking of doing this... any advise or thoughts on this matter would be appreciated, thank you for reading.

My partner (30M) and I (32F) have been living together in our last apartment for almost a year, but in the past couple of months, l've been finding out things about him that's given me pause.

He is a recovering alcoholic and opioid addict, and many of his friends are also recovering addicts. They're quick to tell me how poorly people view addicts, and give me plenty of praise for being an apparent exception. My partner's family has even gone out of their way to pull me aside and tell me how my presence has made him the happiest he's ever been. They've all but outright said that I'm the one big thing keeping him from breaking his sobriety.

That's the thing, though. The praise felt good at first, but should I really be held responsible for someone else's addiction? Their emotional state? I'm afraid that if I decide to leave, he'll relapse and everyone he knows will hound me for "abandoning" him. This feels like a bunch of red flags waving, but am I just being an asshole?

My husband’s sister is hosting Thanksgiving this year now that my MIL finally handed it off, and on Sunday she texted everyone the plan. It’s “$40 a person this year, kids under 10 free, and everybody just bring something to drink!” A minute later I got a separate text from her that just said “you’re still on turkey duty right 😊” with nothing else after it.

I’ve done the turkey every year since my dad passed, on his old smoker. He bought it at a church auction when I was in high school and it takes up half our garage, my husband has been trying to get rid of it for years. I honestly love doing it, it’s the only time all year anybody touches the thing, and a bird big enough for everybody runs about $70 with me out there before the sun comes up checking on it every hour or so.

Our daughter’s too old to count as a kid for this, so it’s $120 for us plus the turkey. My husband’s brother and his wife are bringing a case of beer. As far as I can tell nobody else has been asked to cook anything.

So my plan is to Venmo her what she asked for like everyone else and text her back that since everybody’s paying in now, the turkey can come out of that too and I’ll just bring a drink like she said.

I typed it out last night and deleted it. They closed on their first house in August and she’s mentioned more than once how tight money is with the new mortgage, and I don’t want her first year hosting to start with me making it weird over a turkey.

Then this morning she texted me again to ask whether I can do my stuffing this year too.

WIBTA?

I have a group of close friends (it’s the 6 of us).

This week, one of my friend’s sister (who we are all friends with as well) organized a photo exposition (public event). All 5 of my friends in the group planned to go with each other/their significant other etc and no one included me in the plans. This was all discussed outside of our usual group chat and I found this out 4 days ago (the event is tonight)

On the one hand, I am feeling hurt by the fact none of my 5 closest friends thought to include me in their plans, bit on the other hand, I am feeling it’s clingy to even mention it.

The show is tonight and this morning I said I wanted to go and it’s all worked out. I’m sure they’ll be happy to hang out but also feeling a bit left out seeing as I wouldn’t be going if I didn’t essentially invite myself…

So would I be the AH if I brought it up?

I (29 f) work at a school that is owned by a larger company and the company is run by a trust. Since the beginning of June my coworker who I will call T has been on maternity leave, the problems stem from before she left.

Before she'd leave work usually before noon for appointments, she was told to come back and close out the day in order to make up the hours she missed. She never did and never came back from them. I would have coworkers and admin ask me where she was and I'd have to tell them IDK. T would maybe come in the next day and say "traffic was so bad" or "I had to drive to this town to this town"; our work has a very strict three strike system and she's openly said that she's got more because of this. This goes on for her entire pregnancy.

She goes on leave in June and she was due back in 13 weeks. Her return date is scheduled to return is the first week of September. She does not come in; we are then told she's coming back at the end of September instead and again she does not come. It happened again this month, she was scheduled to return on the 13th of October and the same thing. Now, yesterday, she returned after getting her leave extended by nearly 7 weeks. We all knew she was okay because she kept telling other coworkers that she just didn’t want to come back.

My issue isn't her extended leave, although I do think it's unfair because an old coworker was let go for requesting an extra week and T somehow got 7. My problem is that my shift was given to her. T had threatened to quit if she did not get the opening shift, I had been closing all last year when she was gone and was given the opening shift due to every year the schedules are flipped for fairness. I was sat down by my direct supervisor and told that my shift was going to T and that it "was not a conversation" and that I "should be more accommodating to T because she has a baby".

I do not have children yet, I am planning my wedding and had to use all my PTO last year just to make it to appointments for it. I have already been denied PTO for my wedding date because they want me to wait to schedule it since they “can't promise coverage”. I was actually happy with my new schedule cause I could save my PTO and not inconvenience my coworkers or my students. T was also planning her own wedding last year while pregnant.

I tried to bring up the schedule rotation or a compromise and I even asked if we were sure this time T was coming back. But I was told that the "decision was already made” and that I “need to be a team player.”

Yesterday T did not show for her 7 am shift. She didn't open the room or communicate with anyone where she was, then came in at 12:45 pm and left at 3 pm even though her shift now ends at 4 pm.

My coworkers know the situation, they have watched how I have been treated throughout her pregnancy, during her absence, and now her return just makes them all angry. They think I should go to the company's HR and bypass our HR rep completely but I am not sure.

EDIT TO ADD:

Thank you so much for all the responses, I will try to get back to as many as I possibly can but wanted to add a few quick things:

T has been at this school since it opened (about 3 years ago) and from what I have heard she has been taking FMLA at least every year she has been here. Most people have said she hasn't actually worked a full year since starting. But since FMLA is for medical leave I do not fault her for taking care of herself and was fully in support of her doing what she has to do for the sake of her baby even if that meant not returning to work because she couldn't find child care. (She also did not start looking for a daycare until 3 weeks ago.)

T's mother in law is, while not a manager or in a role that has much power, a coach of sorts for the teachers. The school policy is very clear about NOT allowing family to work at the same location but she only officially became her mother in law in May of last year.

As easy as it may seem to quit this job I am not wanting to do that, I can try to put in a transfer to another nearby location but that could take some time and I could be denied. The reason I don't want to quit is because I moved out to this area with my fiance for this opportunity, the pay is good as well for this field. Though this location pays the most out of all of them because of an extremely high turn over rate.

One more thing!

I do not wish ill will on T, while what she is doing is effecting my work and the work of others, not to mention the lack of stability is not good for my students, I do not want people thinking I wish anything negative upon her. I understand that having a baby can be a lot from the seperation for the first time, to child care fees, to just making sure your own health is okay, I understand it all. I do work in Early Childhood Education so working with babies, connecting with families, and doting on children is kinda my whole career. That being said, I have been doing T's job for months on top of handling my own work, I did not cover for her once when she would leave for her appointments cause often times she'd just leave when I came in and then people would ask me where she was and such my answer was a geniune "I do not know". With her being back she's already affecting literally every single aspect of the students schedules and affecting my work as well as others. Shes not saying where she is going or what she is doing which is just something she is required to do now so we can maintain state ratio.

All this to say, I am frustrated. I am angry and stressed. I agree with a lot of you that I should just contact HR with my coworkers (any who would stand by me) and report everything then leave. Part of me wants to leave the entire field of education which breaks my heart but its just not getting better.

Throwaway account because he's on reddit often. The context for this is that a group of my bf's friends got tickets to a holiday musical in December here in our city, including me (M25). However, one of them ended up needing to go home to family that weekend for a family memorial service and so we have a spot that needs to be filled. My friend and roommate, David (M25) expressed interest in buying the ticket, but there are a few problems with this, including the fact I'm really not sure I want him to come.

I know that I already sound like the asshole, but hear me out. I love my friend very much, but he is consistently late, and not just like 15 minutes late, 30 mins to an hour late. We've talked about how this impacts us doing things together before, but not only has he not gotten better at being punctual, he has become painfully sensitive to any suggestion that I think he will be late for something, and says it is discouraging for me to just assume that's the case. Any time we have plans now, I just add a thirty minute cushion for myself to the start time so I don't end up pissed at waiting. I really don't want to have to either a) show up late to a time-sensitive event with a group of people I'm still getting to know/making a good impression on or b) be frantically reminding and corralling David that we have to go for the hours leading up to the show, which is what will need to happen for us to be on time.

Another reason (and I know this is judgmental) but he often smells bad and I don't trust him to dress appropriately for the place we're going. David usually goes around three or so days between showers, and washes his laundry once a month, so he usually has some level of funk or musk going on that can be better or worse depending on the day. He works a service job that has him doing lots of movement and lifting boxes so it can be rough. I've made suggestions for him to shower before gently and will wash loads of his clothing or towels sometimes if he's really busy and things are getting dire - I would likely press the cleanliness issue if I didn't already have plans to move in with my bf next summer. Also, I know that he owns appropriate clothing to go to the show (button down shirt/trousers), but based on past experiences I know it's most likely that he'll show up in a sweater with a random graphic on it, covered in food stains from days before. It's not like I'm the sharpest dresser in the world, but I and the group we'll be with are always put together and dressed for the occassion we're attending.

To be clear, David is a good person with a really great heart, who cares about people really deeply. When we hang out the two of us, it's great and really fun, and if it were just us going to the show I'd be so down. I hate to admit that I'm worried about what impression he'll make on this other group.

I know David would enjoy going to this show, and I feel really bad at the prospect of telling him that the ticket has already been taken. I know he's unhappy with his job and been stressed about a couple things in his life and I want him to have things to make him happy. I have been trying to help him alleviate some of the problems (written him cover letters to apply to new jobs, stayed up at night talking through issues he's having with his girlfriend, done his laundry etc) but WIBTA if I told him the ticket is already taken to keep him from coming? That's the only solution I can think of that doesn't hurt his feelings and also doesn't have him coming along.

First-time poster, so apologies if this is a bit long.

I (29F) have been with my partner (36M) for just over two years. He has two children (14M and 8M) from his previous marriage and maintains a very friendly, cooperative co-parenting relationship with his ex-wife.

Over the course of our relationship, I’ve grown incredibly close to both children. They call me by my first name but have also explicitly asked if they could call me their mum, which I happily agreed to. I love them dearly and consider them my family.

For the most part, my partner and I share similar parenting philosophies. However, there are some fundamental areas where we disagree, particularly regarding education, bedtimes, screen time, and general structure.

When I entered this relationship, I understood that I was the stepparent and that ultimately parenting decisions belonged to my partner and his ex-wife. I was completely comfortable with that.

However, my partner has repeatedly told me that he doesn’t see things that way. He considers us a parenting partnership, insists that I have a say in raising the children, and regularly tells me how much he values my involvement, opinions, and the research I put into decisions concerning the kids.

The problem is that, in practice, I don’t feel that partnership exists when we disagree.

For context, the children have historically had very little structure around bedtime or screen time. My partner and his ex have always allowed them to essentially put themselves to bed whenever they choose, and screen time has been largely unrestricted.

Education is another major point of contention. Both children are homeschooled through an online program that I have significant concerns about. I’m an educator myself, and after researching the program, I’ve made it clear that I don’t believe it adequately meets their educational needs.

My partner’s ex-wife was the one who pushed for homeschooling, and I’ve expressed that if this is the educational arrangement they’ve chosen, I believe the responsibility for managing it should primarily fall to the children’s biological parents.

My partner’s response to these disagreements is generally that these are things he doesn’t particularly care about, that the arrangements aren’t going to change, and that I need to make peace with them.

And to an extent, I understand that. They’re his children, and ultimately he and his ex-wife have the authority to make those decisions.

But here’s where things get complicated.

I’m currently the only adult home during the day, which means I’m the person responsible in practice for waking our 14-year-old up, getting him started on his schoolwork, and ensuring he actually completes it.

And it’s an absolute battle.

When I begin the 1.5 hour process of waking him up I’m met with a horrible attitude, insults, and refusal to get out of bed. If I don’t wake him, he’ll happily sleep until 3pm. If I don’t make him start his schoolwork, he simply won’t do it. If I don’t follow up, it doesn’t get completed.

I’ve repeatedly expressed that I don’t want to be responsible for facilitating an educational program I fundamentally disagree with.

To my partner’s credit, he agrees. He tells me that of course I don’t have to do it, and that it isn’t my responsibility if I don’t want it to be.

But there’s no alternative plan.

If I don’t ensure the work gets done, it doesn’t get done. There isn’t meaningful follow-up or a system in place to address it later. It simply becomes my problem again the following morning.

So while I’m verbally being told that I don’t have to take on these responsibilities, the practical reality is that if I don’t do them, nobody does.

And because I love these children and care deeply about their development and education, I find it incredibly difficult to simply stand back and watch that happen.

I feel caught between respecting decisions made by their biological parents and feeling morally responsible for the consequences of those decisions.

What makes this particularly frustrating is the contradiction between being told that I’m an equal parenting partner and being expected to accept decisions I fundamentally disagree with.

I’m not suggesting that my partner has to agree with every opinion I have. I understand that compromise is part of parenting, and I don’t expect to get my way simply because I’m an educator.

But I feel like I’m being given the daily responsibilities of parenting without having meaningful influence over the decisions that create those responsibilities.

And when I express that I no longer want those responsibilities, I’m told that’s perfectly fine, but nothing actually changes to ensure they’re handled by someone else.

It’s emotionally exhausting, and it’s beginning to create resentment and tension between my partner and me.

We’ve had multiple conversations about this, but nothing has meaningfully changed.

So I’m considering stepping back from the more formal parenting responsibilities entirely.

To be absolutely clear, I’m NOT talking about withdrawing affection, refusing to care for the children, treating them differently, or suddenly acting like they aren’t my family.

I love them. That isn’t going to change.

I’m talking about stepping away from managing their schooling, enforcing routines and expectations that their biological parents don’t support, and being the person who has to fight daily battles over decisions I didn’t make and don’t agree with.

I would still be a loving, present, supportive adult in their lives. I just wouldn’t be responsible for managing aspects of their upbringing that I have no meaningful say in.

I also recognise that being a stepparent doesn’t automatically entitle me to equal decision-making authority. I would have been perfectly happy with a more traditional stepparent role from the beginning.

It’s the disconnect between the role my partner tells me I have and the role I actually play that’s causing the problem.

At this point, I feel like I have two choices: continue taking on responsibilities that are causing significant stress and resentment, or step back and accept that things may not get done.

Neither feels particularly good.

So, WIBTAH if I told my partner that while I love him and the children, I’m no longer willing to take on the responsibilities of an equal parent when I don’t have an equal say in the decisions?

I’m not looking for a debate about homeschooling, bedtimes, or screen time. I’m genuinely interested in whether stepping back would be a reasonable boundary or whether I’d be unfairly withdrawing from responsibilities I’ve already taken on.

*EDIT for clarification. I’m currently at home because I’m completing my masters and because I’m on student visa I have very limited hours that I can work since the purpose of me being in the country is for education. once that’s finished in about 6 months I’m hoping to get a job here as a secondary teacher.

My family has been doing thanksgiving at my house for the past two years because I have more space than my siblings. Last year, I spent around $180 on groceries and supplies, cooked most of the food, and cleaned before everyone arrived.

My siblings brought some desserts and drinks, which was nice, but after dinner everyone left and I ended up cleaning the kitchen by myself. Nobody was being intentionally rude, but it felt like everyone just assumed I’d handle everything because it was my house.

Now my mom has started telling everyone we’re doing Thanksgiving at my place again this year. When I said I wanted someone else to host, she told me my house made the most sense and everyone would be disappointed if we changed the tradition.

I said we could still do it at my place if everyone brought a dish and helped clean up. My sister said she could bring dessert but couldn't promise anything else because work is busy, and my brother hasn't even responded to the group chat.

I want to spend thanksgiving with my family, but I don't want another holiday where I'm stuck doing most of the work while everyone else gets to relax. I'm starting to feel like having the biggest house automatically makes me responsible for hosting every year.

Would I be the asshole if I told them someone else needs to host this year, even if that means we have to change our usual tradition?

For the past few Christmases, my husband and I have put together holiday baskets with homemade (and some store bought) goodies for our families. Each household receives a basket…they get mailed all over the country. The costs to make / mail these has grown exponentially over the past few years. For me, the fun and excitement of making thoughtful gifts is no longer there; the project typically is one I mostly handle alone with the exception of the few things my husband contributes. Last year, he griped about how much the shelf-stable additions cost him…an expense he was fine with until I made him pay for them himself.

This year, I don’t want to do them. They’re not fun for me anymore. They are expensive to make and mail. Money is tight with medical expenses and the general cost of life right now. Those are the more “socially acceptable” reasons for backing off this year.

The other reasons are a little more personal…basically, the return on investment is very little. I am a firm believer that it is “the thought that counts.” I always have been. When i say the return is minimal, I mean this: My husband’s family thanks him directly, and I might get an acknowledgment. I am the one who puts in 85%-90% of the effort to build them. In addition to gifts, they receive their baskets. One year, I received a pair of socks, a mug, and some little tchotchke to clean my windshield. I watched everyone else open more useful, practical, and thoughtful items. It was made abundantly clear that I was an afterthought (hubs and I have been together for 10 years). With my family in particular, I don’t even really get a thank you. Hell, half the time no one even tells me they arrived.

Now we have reached the point where these baskets are, well, expected. They are no longer thoughtful gifts…they now come with dietary instructions, preferences, and recommendations for contents. So I ask…WIBTAH if I didn’t make them this year?

I’ll call my best friend Chloe and the other girl Rebecca. Chloe and Rebecca have been friends longer, which has never bothered me. Chloe and I became much closer over the past year, but Rebecca and I have had issues since March. We used to get along, but she has repeatedly been rude and hostile towards me. Chloe knows the history and has privately acknowledged that Rebecca can be selfish and that she doesn’t feel as close to her as she used to. Rebecca has also repeatedly told Chloe to stop being friends with me.

One example was when we were organising costumes for two friends’ birthdays. I asked Chloe first, and she agreed, but later claimed Rebecca had asked her first, which wasn’t true. Chloe eventually told me to find someone else, even though I was willing to include all three of us. After a lot of explaining, Chloe agreed to the group costume, but Rebecca was still rude when we arrived together. Chloe was upset too and left at one point. I felt like I had to practically beg Chloe to acknowledge how unfair Rebecca’s behaviour was.

Chloe has been anxious about Rebecca and me having an issue at her 21st birthday and has repeatedly asked me to remain civil. I understand not wanting drama, and I’m willing to be civil. However, more than a week before a major holiday, I asked Chloe if she could bring Rebecca and me together beforehand so we could make up or at least be on civil terms. We used to be friends, and I thought it would be better to resolve things than carry the tension forward.

Chloe said she didn’t want to get involved and that reconciliation can’t be forced. I wasn’t asking her to force us to be friends or choose sides. I was asking her to make some effort, especially when she repeatedly asks me to keep the peace for her birthday. She has said for months that she wishes we could all get along, but hasn’t tried to help us get there.

What frustrates me is that Chloe expects me to put my feelings aside while avoiding anything that might upset Rebecca. Rebecca has repeatedly told Chloe to stop being friends with me, yet Chloe continues the friendship while privately telling me she no longer feels particularly close to Rebecca. She has even said she doesn’t intend to maintain the friendship once their circumstances change. She also relies on Rebecca for lifts, which I understand complicates things.

I’m not asking Chloe to end their friendship or take my side in every disagreement. I just find it difficult to hear one thing privately and see something completely different publicly. When Rebecca has been openly nasty to me, I’ve felt I have to convince Chloe that the behaviour was unfair rather than her recognising it herself.

I value my friendship with Chloe and don’t want drama at her birthday. I just don’t think it’s fair to expect me to keep the peace while refusing to make any effort to address the underlying conflict.

AITA for expecting Chloe to make some effort to help us reconcile, rather than just asking me to stay civil for her birthday?

I work at a pharmacy. About 3 months ago my coworker (Marcy, 36) started leaving at 3pm sharp, 2 or 3 days a week. She says she has an appointment and asks if I can cover the register until close. I said sure the first few times, I figured it was medical.

It's now every week. Always 3pm, Tuesdays, Thursdays and sometimes Fridays. She never says what the appointment is and when I ask she says "just personal stuff." She's back the next morning like nothing happened.

I stay an extra 2 hours on those days and don't get paid extra because we are salary. My manager knows and he's fine with it as long as the register is staffed.

Last week I told her I wasn't sure I could keep doing it. She got really quiet and said "forget it, I'll figure something else out." Since then 3 other coworkers have said I'm being cold and that "you don't know what she's going through." I dont know what she's going through. She won't tell me. That's kind of my point.

I'm not trying to be mean. I just want to know if I'd be the AH if I told her I can't cover anymore.

For Context, I (21M) and Kayla (21F) (fake names aswell for privacy reasons) met during our freshmen year of College after she moved from the Philipines to South Carolina to be closer to family. We met after we started talking on Valentines Day about how couples should burn during that day (we were both single at the time), and we came to find out we were at the same club but never had noticed each other. I introduced her to 2 of my friends groups, one which was my childhood group of friends, and the second was a group i had met during college. We mainly hanged out in the second friend group until around May-June when the group split apart and we only hung out with 2 other guys, one of which named tony (important to the story), and this other girl.

Me & Kayla began dating around 14th of July as she wasnt sure if things were gonna workout between us since I had planned to move schools the following school year, but we eventually decided we thought we could do it. Afterwards, we started hanging out with my childhood friends as we all worked at the same spot (I got them all jobs there since none of them could get any on there own.) Things were going well until I started noticing that Tony, who was also in this friend group, and Kayla seemed to be oddly close, but I paid it no mind since I knew she didnt have many friends being still so new to the Area

Summer ends, I move to my new college and this is where things started to take a nose dive. In the beg, we would spend all of our time together and she would be the only person I would talk too, sometimes feeling left out since her and my 2 bsfs were always hanging out, but again no mind to it all. I started hanging out with this group of people who were the best of the best in this team thing for my college, and we all would hang out, drink, party, smoke and it was a constant cycle of it. It got bad enough to the point that Kayla started to feel neglected by me as I wasn't putting enough effort into my schooling or my other obligations, or even to spend time with her. Retrospectivel, she has every right to feel like that because it was what was happening, but at the same time we had completely different schedules, and there were multiple times i made the drive (4+ hrs) to go visit her for a weekend or even longer since I just loved spending time with her and I thought she did too, also knowing that we had both pretty high libidos and the distance was killing us (we started having intimate moments before we had even gotten together.)

She ended up breaking up with me 1 week before February started, which was the day I had planned to give her a promise ring that I had bought, so I was pretty bummed about that. We ended up staying as friends and talked semi-consistently until I decided to eventually move back to South Carolina since the break-up, work, school, school team, and money problems had overwhelmed me and I wanted to fight for her back, and also get my life back together.

Once I moved back, me and her started hanging out daily again and at one point we started hooking up again, even though we werent together. We had stopped for awhile because she felt like it wasnt good for us since she was still processing our breakup and didnt want me to get stuck on her. That didnt last awhile since afterwards, I told her that it was purely physical for the both of us and we continued to do it for a couple of months. This is where a little speculation comes into play, at the same times as hooking up, apparently Kayla and Tony had started to begin to flirt with each other despite Kayla saying she wasnt looking for a relationship for a while, and Tony knowing she was my Ex.

While all that was going on, I had gotten Tony and Kayla jobs at my new spot since it paid better, had benefits, and I would drive them since I was doing anything to stay on Kaylas good side, It was until recently that I had found out that Kayla and Tony were dating, and the only reason I found it was because they were cuddled next to another one of my Bsfs, while we were all drinking together. I. Was. Furious. I didnt know who to be mad at so I just left the place and went to go lay down in my car and breathe. One of my homies came out to check on me since he noticed that I had disappeared, and wasnt surprised because he had seen what had happened (Me & Kayla were only broken up for 4-5 months at this point.) After a couple of days, I had a talk with the 3 of them (2bsfs and Ex) and just cleared stuff with them. Kayla said that stuff happened and she didnt feel bad at all for me, said that our relationship basically meant nothing to her and that she shouldnt feel bad because its her life and she can do what she wants. Tony was like he had held off on it since he cared for me and didnt want to make me upset by making stuff weird in the group.

In the end, I was just like whatever, who am i to say who you guys can be with. Now, im not as close to the 3 of them, keeping all conversations purely transactional and I recently remembered that she told me to keep our meetings a secret, so WIBTAH to leak that information?

For context, my boyfriend (23M) and I (24F) just bought a house together. It’s a mobile home, two bedrooms and two bathrooms with a spacious living room and kitchen. It’s not the biggest house, but it’s the perfect size for us and our cat. We’ve been living there already for a few weeks, and everything is going smoothly. Except for one thing. The plan from the beginning, was for me to bring the family cat to our house as well. My boyfriend and I agree that the two cats will be great for each other, as they have similar personalities and both re very needy when it comes to attention. We figure that the two of them can keep each other entertained while we’re at work, and that way they’ll be a lot less lonely when we aren’t there.

The issue is that my mom won’t let me take the family cat because she says she’ll miss her too much. We also lived with my grandparents before I moved out to live with my boyfriend. My mom keeps saying that my grandparents need the cat here, even though my grandfather hasn’t said anything about wanting the cat to stay, and my grandmother keeps saying that the cat’s claws are too long. When I lived in the house, I was the one who primarily took care of the cat. I clipped her claws, fed her, cleaned the gunk out of her eyes when it built up in the corners too much, bought her everything she needed, etc. My mom has never clipped the cat’s nails, and I’m almost positive she hasn’t even bought more food for the cat after the last bulk order I made earlier in the year.

My mom keeps saying that the cat is happier here than she would be living with my boyfriend and I. And sure, I agree she would miss my parents and grandparents. But that’s also why I gave them a key to our house, considering we only live about 30 minutes away (which my parents drive through our town at least three times a week). I told her she can come visit the cat whenever she wants to, but she’s dead set on the cat staying here.

The issue I have with this is that in the time since I’ve moved out, she hasn’t really taken care of the cat all that much. There have been tons of times I’ve come to visit and seen that her food bowl is completely empty, and I know I’m only seeing her at a certain time of day lately, but she seems a lot more lethargic than usual. One of my friends has also commented on the fact that she seems skinnier after I went to show her a cute photo I had taken during my last visit home. I hadn’t noticed it until she had said something, and now I’m extremely anxious about it.

Today is what really made me mad and also extremely worried. I had told my mom that I was going to bring the cat to my house after I took her to her vet appointment on the 26th (my mom has never taken her to the vet for yearly checkups, and I had always planned to once I had the means to do so). My mom freaked out about it and told me I wasn’t taking the cat, so I told her that I would be taking better care of the cat than she does. She would be getting fed wet food in the morning as well as her usual dry food. She would get checkups at the vet yearly. And she would finally have another kitty to hang out with, so she used to live with another cat before she came to live with our family.

One of my mom’s main reasonings is that my boyfriend and I are never home, as we go on trips often. These trips are only ever a few hours of driving away, and we already have a trusted pet sitter for when we go on trips in the future. This reasoning also doesn’t really make sense to me, because she has a condition that causes her to sleep much more than the average person. She sleeps constantly if she’s not at work. And this past weekend, she was twenty minutes away at a luxury hotel. I had assumed she had someone feeding the cat, but today I went home and saw her bowl was empty. When I confronted my mom about it, she got upset and said it was because she wasn’t home all weekend. When I asked her if that meant that my cat wasn’t fed all weekend, she got quiet. I also pointed out that she was home this morning and had the opportunity to feed the cat, and she simply replied that she forgot to feed her this morning.

I’m not sure if I’m just freaking out over nothing and being dramatic. But I’m also worried enough to consider just kidnapping my cat and bringing her to our house. If my mom decides to disown me for that, then so be it. I just don’t want to have to see my cat suffer if she is slowly being starved in the home she should feel safe and cared for in.