My (male) fiance (female) has said pretty much exactly that to me haha. “If I could go back I think I’d be pan.. but there doesn’t seem to be any point in coming out now”
“If I could go back I think I’d be pan.. but there doesn’t seem to be any point in coming out now”
Hot take as a bi guy who didn't realize until after marriage: the "if I could go back" thing is the point to coming out now.
I mean I can't speak for your fiance, but part of the reason it took me so long is that although I knew the word "bisexual," I didn't know a single person — and certainly not a male — who was openly bi as a kid, or even in my 20s.
I think it helps all of us — but especially kids who might be questioning — to have actual examples around and in their lives. And even for other adults, imo life gets less annoying for all bisexuals if there are more examples of openly bi folks in monogamous relationships, helps undermine the stereotypes.
yeah bi have a hard standing - hetero partner? you get dismissed - homo partner - youre homo - ok - but what is bi?
Fuck other peoples views. Do whats right. Its a seismic shift for your internal world to open up & make it explicit (at least for me it was).
I regularly holler at guys and do funny jokes that are traditionally associated with female gender - as I see those aspects way more in homo relationships and thats ok - and I feel fucking amazing doing so. Also other people laugh too or look weird like "whaat" - but I guess thats the foundational work FITM-K meant way above?
anyways, its never to late & do it for yourself - thats enough!
People don't lose their hetero status when they aren't in a relationship though. So how do they prove they're straight to others? You're bi regardless of who you're dating. Your sexual preferences don't rely on a relationship status.
fuck kids - not literally yk - but even doing it for yourself is amazing. What does "its late" mean? I dont get it. Even if I was 20 yrs in a hetero relationship - if the partner is right I'd think its a blaze to e.g. start commenting whats hot about the other gender in public together - imagine! I'd love to see the dynamic of my partner getting remotely jelous of a same-gender person - even just jokingly - imagine the sex after would be soo different & refreshing...
its never too late. Do it for yourself. Whats good for you is good for the people around you, so no, its not selfish at all.
It's a lot of effort to keep up the identity. Hardly anyone is going to agree/believe you and fewer will repeat your words. So you'd have to dress extremely loudly LGB and continually repeat it for others to remember.
Those that consider it a strong part of their identity will put in the work but not every LGB person finds it that important for others to know.
Amen!
I know labels are passe or whatever but there's a reason I use bisexual, because I needed that when I was younger. Teen me had some struggles, and positive representation could have helped.
this is how i feel about it. my partner and i are in a monogamous opposite sex relationship (the horror!) but we still both identify as bi because why erase that part of ourselves?
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u/Electronic_Elk8293 Sep 13 '26
" I might be bisexual, but it's a little too late" that being said with the straight face and grayscale killed me 🤣