"If you need anything, let me know"—could you destroy the planet? That way I wouldn't have to make the inhumane effort to survive without him.

"If you need company, you can stay at our house"—the problem is that company doesn't make my day any better, and being alone doesn't make it any worse, because I don't need people; I need him.

I wish all the couples in the world would die together, in accidents or whatever, because this is worse than anyone could ever imagine.

I decided to cremate my husband for two reasons: he always said he hated being without me and that his biggest fear was being confined in a small space. I couldn’t fathom putting him in a box and in the ground alone. We were together a long time and we talked about everything. I shared this with my in laws and they were all very supportive at the time.

Then they asked me if the funeral home was splitting the ashes for us. Not “can we have some ashes” or something like a conversation. An assumption. They then told me they’d like to get a headstone and plot next to where they will be buried and bury the ashes there. I feel like this is just them doing the funeral they wanted. He felt they ignored his feelings and opinions in life, which really hurt him, and now I feel like they are doing it in death. Is this an argument worth taking up?

I guess I’m still here, even knowing that a life likes this has no sense I wake up and I hate that.

what kills me everyday is she is not, she does not see the sun, the moon, the sky, the city moving, she does not watch her favorite movies, she does not see her pets anymore or listen her songs, she never got to visit all the places she wanted or do all the things she wanted. I hate this, I hate how unfair is this

cause I love her but I loved more the ways she love being alive, she loved being here more that I ever done in my life.

so fucking disgusting, so fucking disappointed, I hate being here and im so deeply sorry for all of us, believe I wish so bad any off us get here so young.

I remember him everyday, yet I am also forgetting him. He had thick eyelashes but my mental image of his lashes is starting to look blurry now.

I am just a year out, and I do not have that crippling grief anymore. I now only let out a sigh every time he appears in my mind. That deep sigh feels like a kind of sadness that does not seem to go away - it is lingering and feels like a surrender to this life tainted with this sadness.

Do not mind me, I just needed the space to let my thoughts out. My husband who used to listen to my musings does not exist anymore. So yeah...sighs

Hey everyone, I (38F) hope you’re doing as well as you can be. I am having a difficult week. I’m still relatively new to all of this so I’m not sure what to expect and when.

My husband (42M) passed away almost nine weeks ago. He fought pancreatic cancer for a year. Up until the day before he died, I was positive he would beat it someday. This was not going to happen to us. But obviously I’m here and it did.

I don’t know what is going on with me this week. I think being a caregiver for him over the last year has kind of dulled some of the shock. In many ways, I’ve been on my own with the kids (6 and 7) for awhile now.

My kids are driving me crazy. They are tearing my house apart. I’ve never been the tidiest person but I can’t keep up with them. They are little but they are tearing my house apart I feel like. When I’m not working, I am driving them to their many activities and events. They are doing therapy (me too) and special children’s bereavement groups. Being a single parent now, I feel like everything is on me (it is) and I can’t fuck this up.

I went back to work a week after my husband died. At the time, I felt like it was good for me. I needed it. I don’t think I was wrong. I’ve been fully back for two months now. I just got a PTO request (five months from now) denied. My kids are on spring break. I wasn’t planning a trip or something so they denied it. And I have ‘unlimited’ PTO! Who is going to watch my kids?

Anyway, I don’t know. I feel like to some extent, my husband’s illness kind of eased me into this role. I still hate it. And it feels like the stakes are getting higher and I have nobody by my side. Or maybe the shock and numbness is wearing off and I am having a hard time that this miserable experience is my life now.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for with this, but if anyone has any advice or is a little further along, please tell me what you know.

Today marks 9th day of his passing. After the funeral yesterday we had a few beers with my inlaws. I hated it, tasted like piss. But after like 3 cans I started not caring anymore and just drank until blackout and they drove me home and put me in bed. It was pretty liberating to not think about what happened. I’m so tired of this meaningless life. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I hate doing things alone

I hate being me instead of we

I hate driving with no one by my side...

I got out today, I went and signed a tax form for his retirement account folks... i got new sneakers, we had kept putting it off but wanted to go to a nice store and get properly fitted for something... i returned some items to a store since it's nearby... now I'm meeting a widow for lunch that I was connected to via an organization, and then maybe I'll treat myself to Trader Joe's which is right here before the hour drive home...

Oh look, productive me... miserable, upset, hating the world and resenting having to make believe any of this is ok.

I just want him back. Wtf is this world now... just empty and meaningless...

Let's hope I don't cry through lunch and can actually play human for a minute...

Sigh. Thanks for this space to share honestly. Sending you all a hug cause who wants to be here, no one...

you ever find yourself missing your partner in those quiet moments? not necessarily anything sad or happy. just when you’re alone… you just wish they were beside you. just in each others company… or when u do certain stuff alone just a trip to the grocery store.. buying new shoes and missing asking them for their opinion.. no matter how long it’s been it’s those quiet moments that remind me of how much of me he has taken with him

Has anyone avoided their person’s favorite meal? I’ve been avoiding eating pho and spring rolls because it’s a reminder of her. We’re both big foodies. Very broad palates. Food was a staple in our relationship. Despite being the whitest couple you’d meet, her favorite cuisine is Vietnamese. I really want to go to our usual place for a Bahn mi but I struggle because I don’t want to be seen dining alone having a breakdown over soup.

So I was going through some feelings earlier today... well every day... and I appreciate the support i get here. Thank you. Stumbling along here, tomorrow is 4 weeks.

I want to share that even though I was a little nervous meeting a stranger to have lunch and talk about being a widow... it was actually great and really helped. We talked for over two hours and it felt good to be seen and understood, in a way that only we get it.

I connected with her through Soaring Spirits which someone had mentioned here... i don't know much about them really but they do have zoom calls every Tuesday and you can look for local groups to connect with others. As well as larger events. In case that could help anyone else.

🫂

Athletic

My girlfriend of 20 yrs just passed away in June. June 12th 2026 to be exact. She and I had this very discussion about me finding someone else.

It's hard enough for my losing the love of my life and her exact words just day's before she passed away were Andrew you're a good looking guy you'll find someone else, and of course I didn't want to have this conversation with her I continued to tell her stop you're not going to die anytime soon, boy was I wrong.

What I want to know is should I start looking for someone else? I know it's only been 4 months but I'm incredibly lonely and no one to talk to about the way I'm feeling.

I just want someone else's perspective on this subject. Please don't be mean or cruel this a man talking about losing the love of his life and asking about moving on . Thank you all in advance.

Also , I don't know what age group I should look for I've had women in they're 30's hit on me and women of course in they're 40's any advice would be appreciated

Haven’t been on here in awhile. Just checking in. Been 3 years for me, struggling since the weather changed. I thought by now I’d find someone new but it’s hard raising my six year old son. He’s doing great. I’m worried though about this new wave of grief. Brief moments of S- ideation. It just sucks, I miss my wife.

I believe in God. I believe he has turned his back on me and enjoys watching us suffer. If people can gain solace from him, I am truly glad for them. Otherwise, no one can convince me that the God of my youth exists.

Tonight I took my son to the ER. He got bitten by a snake and if it hadn’t been for our dog reacting to his scream, biting the snake and ripping it off my son’s leg, I don’t know what would’ve happened.

My son was then transported to a trauma center for antivenom and is now in the ICU.

My husband should be here. He should have been there to comfort and joke with our son as he lay in the ER for seven hours. He should’ve been there to tell me to rest and that everything would be ok, although I know he would’ve been terrified inside. He would’ve asked the right questions.

But no, he was taken away from us. Our constant was gone in an instant, dying alone in an unknown hospital. God showed no mercy then.

I’m so tired of being alone. I’m tired of being both parents. I’m tired of feeling that I’m not enough for my son. I don’t know that I have any more to give. I am too tired to be angry.

So, yeah. F*ck you, God. I tried to live by your rules. I did everything I was supposed to do. I suffered and sacrificed in your name. You can’t even give a good kid a break, can you? You abandoned me. You abandoned us.

Il never forgive myself for dismissing him in the middle of the night and telling him to just come back to bed when he was acting I'll. He got I'll a lot because of his meds.

By the time I woke up for the day, I thought he had already left, until I walked around the corner and found him gone in the bathroom.

I can never shake this I want to die I don't want to be here. If only i wasnt a fucking moron. I was to fucking concerned with getting up early that day to clean the house because I was in a major court battle with my childrens father and we had people coming into inspect the home to make notes for kids living environment.

The one time I dismissed him and told him to go to bed so I could get rest, he dies.I can't live with this ! I hurt every fucking day.

I don't want to go another day knowing there was something I could have fucking done , that I didn't do, that would have keept him from dying because this is torture. I failed the one person who needed me most and I failed him in the worst way. I despise myself and wish I was dead too.

I was going to reply to a similar thread with this but I didn't want to hijack it.

I have all of my wife's ashes but I'm being painted as a monster and to be honest because of not really having family outside of my wife and in laws, I really don't know the protocol so I'm stuck.

My mother in law hasn't spoken to me directly since the day after my wife passed away. I think she's jealous because when it mattered my wife told the docs directly to make sure I'm her decision maker, and lo and behold 3 days later I was making the decision to turn off her life support.

My MIL thinks because I have a medical background I should have seen an atypical presentation of walking pneumonia which ultimately led to my girl having a massive heart attack, which she survived but a bedsore went septic and she ended up in septic and cardiogenic shock. My MIL wanted me to push and argue for a heart transplant, but my wife wasn't a candidate, she wasn't strong enough at the end. My mother-in-law misheard or misunderstood so much information during my wife's two stays in hospital that she believes my wife had a widowmaker and somehow lived 5 days before going into ER, but actually the delay they talk about was the 3 hour delay it took for my mil to drive to another city when my wife started having the heart attack. Wow that was a big ramble.

I can not get my MIL to understand what really happened because she's never wrong.

Anyway, her choice we haven't spoke since the day after my wife passed. I heard through the grapevine that she is telling anyone who will listen that my negligence killed my wife and now I'm denying her the right to have a headstone to talk to her daughter and only a cruel and evil person would do that.

The truth is, my wife and I didn't envision either of us passing before the parents and we always agreed that whoever was left behind would do wait they needed to do to get over losing the other. I wanted to be a tree. My wife wanted to be buried but she knew that wasn't feasible. I want to just keep her with me, at least until the 1 year mark. I don't know if I am the monster here, because I don't have anyone I can ask, so I've been frozen in time, feeling guilty for the last 3.5 months.

I would have gladly shared her, but I'm not ready to let go, but am I being selfish in my grief not to share my wife's ashes, or is this a other one of my MILs making shit up to make me feel bad because she's not getting her way?

Any advice or insight is appreciated

I’ve been thinking recently.. what if I don’t see my husband again ever?

I always say, until we meet again…

The longer he’s gone. The worse the feeling gets of nothing is there in the afterlife…

He’s been gone almost 10 months and I hate this feeling.

People ask how I'm doing.
I say fine.
Here's what I'd tell you if I told the truth.

I'd tell you my life split in two on June 20.
For forty-four days before that, I lived at the hospital,
waiting for her to get better,
bracing for worse.
Right up to the end I believed we had time.

I'd tell you I fought for her every day.
I learned the labs. I argued with doctors.
When there was nothing left to do
but let her go,
I signed the paper,
wailing through every letter of my name.
At 6:59 she stopped breathing.
I was there.

I'd tell you about the days right after she died.
I was either blackout drunk
or anywhere but that house,
where every room was her.
By the end of the second week,
I didn't want a third.

I'd tell you "someday" is a lie.
Five cancers taught us not to wait,
and we didn't.
It doesn't make this easier.

I'd tell you grief doesn't stay in your head.
It's in your broken sleep, your aching body,
the ceiling you've memorized at 3 a.m.
It's hauling yourself through a day
you didn't want to wake up for.
It's weekends of bad decisions
you're still paying for on Monday.
It's wanting a dark room, a shut door,
and no one asking how you are.

I'd tell you missing her rarely looks like tears.
Some days it's anger with no target.
Some days a memory knocks me back
to when we were happy,
and I'm left staring at the horizon,
wearing my resting dead-wife face.
Some days it's laughing at a joke
while inside I'm screaming,
How does the world keep turning without her?
Some days it's an empty living room
and a door she'll never walk through again.
And some days it's my birthday,
the first one she didn't make.

I'd tell you about a photo from a friend's party.
Champagne in my hand. A smile for the camera.
I looked at it and felt guilty,
like I had no right to be smiling.
What the camera couldn't see
was the space beside me where she should have been.
Later, they sang a song I can only hear in her voice.
I had to get out.

I'd tell you I still step onto the podium
and lift the baton like nothing's changed.
Then the Mascagni begins,
and she's there in every rest.
My hands keep the time.
My mind goes to her.
The players never know.

I'd tell you I'm finding out who my people are.
Some went silent the minute shit got hard.
Some need me fine,
so I am.
And some I never expected walked straight in.

A text every morning.
Coffee on a Sunday, and room to say her name.
A call every week from someone who loved her too.
People who don't flinch when I fall apart.
I don't know how to repay that.
I'm learning to just say thank you.
I'm surviving this.
I have to.
I'm not the same man.
I don't know who I'll be.

I loved her for thirty years.
That didn't end on June 20.

She's gone.
I'm not.
Some days the music is why.
Most days it's her.

i didn't know that being alone would be so difficult.

thank you Lord for helping me through this.🙏

3 weeks ago to the day my wife passed away. It seems like it's been forever! 3 weeks doesn't sound or seem that long ago but it feels like it's been a lot longer. I miss her so much, I feel so lonely.

I don't know why I thought I was ready. I cry daily over him still. I thought I'd be ok for some reason. We didn't even do anything. I feel bad because all I did was talk about my husband....but I was with him my entire adult life. All my important moments were with him. I just don't want to be alone anymore, and yet I feel like I'm betraying him by just talking to others.

Just wondering if anyone has been through this. My fiance and I where not married so his dad was still listed as his next of kin. He died they did not have a service for him. We had a goodbye with like 5 people to see him before he was cremated, and that's it but no proper service. His obituary was only like 5 words and they got his date of death wrong.

I feel bad , because at the time I thought they had it all handled and I didn't offer to step in to support. His mother lived in a different country and his dad and I only met a handful of time. We talked a few times prior over text and still do but it's nothing elaborate.

I just feel bad. I feel like I need to do more and I don't even know what to do in my own right , it's been over a year and the year anniversary I got so drunk because I have very ptsd from the event and am still in the house I refused to have any debilitating flash backs like I did prior and still do but knew the date would be triggering.

I went to a medium in June and she said , he was sad he didn't get a formal funeral or anything. Wondering if anyone has been through the same ?

Two and a half years have passed and you feel like you are really making progress then it just hits you. Miserable weather and a sad song is all it takes before you look up at the sky and ask....why me?

Feeling so lost without my best friend and the plans we had made for the future. You have good days where you really feel strong and then something so small and insignificant can just dump you straight back there.

Im lost without her and believing she's looking down or by my side just doesn't feel enough anymore.

People dream of an amazing holiday destination or a big purchase to make them smile.

I just dream of being back with her. Wrapping her in my arms and being "us" again.

X

Anyone living in Kenton or north Portland? Interested in meeting for coffee etc (especially those living alone)? Post here or dm.

I can't make any new friends and I'm having trouble keeping old ones.

All I want to do is talk about D and how much I miss her. Roughly 4 months later and she is all I can think about all the time. She was my world and I didn't have much need for people outside of her.

She had a much easier time maintaining real friendships.

Most of my socialization comes from work or from the virtual chat game where we met.

This game either isn't what it used to be or I am not who I used to be, or some combination of both. I can pretend to talk about other topics, but I quickly lose interest because I will inevitably find myself wishing she was here, thinking about what she'd say, or just... fuck... missing her presence as I go about my uninteresting daily life.

People who knew how I met her would often ask "How did you find your person online like that?" and my advice was always "Don't. I got lucky".... and I think that advice is still true. I also told people that if you can't stand to be by yourself, then you're going to latch on to people out of loneliness and that will make for poor friendships." This is also still true... but I don't know how to be okay with being by myself.

The truth is you find friendships by going about your own daily life and pursuing your own interests. You find people with common interests and friendships spawn from these common things you share.

Trouble is that now, I have no such interests... or at least none that hold my attention for long enough to have a normal conversation with anyone that doesn't lead to me feeling the crushing sadness.

So what do I do? I can't focus on normal conversations without spacing out to think about her... and I can't talk about her without depressing everyone in the room.

Lets face facts... I'm not fun to be around anymore, if I ever was. I was always a worry-wart and negative. And now I have the most depressing story of most people I meet and its the only story that matters to my life. I'm a walking cautionary tale that you should spend time with the people you love because you could lose them like I did....

All of my interests in my other hobbies have evaporated. They're all infected. Every single hobby I have or try to pick up is a passing fancy that inevitably ends with me abandoning it because I can't bear to pull myself away from my loss.

So I can't be by myself... I am a huge downer to people around me...

I can only pretend not to be depressed for so long before my mind returns to its new natural state of crushing sadness.

Rule 5 says no asking for companionship or contact. I want to be real clear to anyone reading this, I am NOT asking for that here. My level of comfortable contact in this subreddit is just through posts like this one and no further.

I'm just venting my feelings. Just powerful loneliness, even amongst others. I am pretty sure this is what it feels like to be a ghost... envious of those who can still live and lamenting my own misfortune.