I’m writing this post for myself and for others who might find it inspiring and helpful. To provide some context, I’ve been addicted for 10 years. And for the past few months, I’ve been making significant progress in my recovery and in improving my life. I’m writing specifically about 90 days because a few months ago I tried to stay disciplined for 30 days, and it helped me a little. Now I’m also going to do my best to keep moving in the right direction.

The top 3 reasons why I want to quit?

1. My addiction consumes me so much that I neglect other areas of my life.

2. My mental health is suffering terribly; I’m stressed most of the time.

3. Life without addiction can be peaceful and more colorful than life in addiction, where “burning out” dopamine receptors makes spending time with loved ones boring, and everyday life is filled with anhedonia and a lack of motivation.

This is a chaotic post because I’m in a chaotic place; two days ago, I relapsed completely I’ve relapsed so many times that I don’t even know how many times I’ve watched porn. Despite this, I feel stronger; I have tools I’m not afraid to use, such as sharing my experiences with others so I don’t have to face this alone and can move forward. Addiction is awful, which is why I want to break free from it and won’t give up. I’m writing this to take a deep breath; today I’ve already done a good job of getting back to a good place, and I’m slowly clearing the path to recovery. Day by day is what matters most; every day is worth its weight in gold, and every day I’ll be as mindful as I can be to keep moving forward. Let’s be patient with each other, we deserve it. I'm counting on myself to be in a much better place by january 20 and to come back here with the experience I'll gain.

TL;DR: In short, in 90 days I plan to write about where I am. And starting today, for the next 90 days, I’ll move forward day by day, free from pornography, focusing on building my life. 3 reasons why I’m quitting porn: 1. Addiction negatively affects other areas of my life. 2. My mental health is in shambles. 3. Life without addiction is full of color and vitality; addiction is an abyss and a chasm. Right now, after a few days of relapse, I’m feeling a lot of stress and anxiety, but I’m getting back on track I’m not giving up, I’m taking responsibility, and I’m getting back on the right path.

Having a rough time today. Depressed and anxious. Just wondering if you could offer some words of encouragement or advice that would help shift my mindset? Thank you

My boyfriend just broke up with me and i’m very devastated and I feel like it’s the end of the world literally. He broke up with me because I have too much issues such as abandonment issues and anxiety / clinginess. It’s creating a toxic dynamic which isn’t good for him. I get scared i’ll get hurt and I got hurt anyways. I’m this way because I never got love before and would seek it in men. I want so badly to be married and have a family of my own. My boyfriend was the only man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and now he’s detached from me and never wants to be with me again.

I don’t know how to cope with being alone. I hear people say to love myself first before anyone can love me and I don’t know how? I know i’m attractive and i’m kind but that’s the only good qualities i feel like i have. How can I love myself if no one loves me .. that just means there’s nothing worth loving about myself if that’s the case.

EDIT: I’m reading all the comments and spoke to my therapist today I really appreciate the kind words and advice. thank you

Not a productivity hack. Just a rule you made for yourself that stopped you from wasting time on things that weren't worth it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my purpose recently, and I think I’ve finally found something I genuinely want to dedicate my life to.
I’m 15, and over the past couple of years I’ve been interested in self-improvement. I’ve been working on my discipline, training, reading, learning about business and trying to understand what makes a meaningful life.
But recently, I’ve realised I don’t just want to improve myself. I want to use everything I learn to help other young men improve their lives too.
My vision is to build myself into the kind of man I respect. I want to master discipline, strengthen my mind, build my body, develop valuable skills and constantly learn. I want to become someone who lives by his principles rather than being controlled by impulses, distractions or the need for validation.
Eventually, I want to start a YouTube channel focused on self-improvement for young men. I want to build a community where we can grow together, embrace healthy masculinity, develop self-respect, reject destructive habits, find purpose and become stronger mentally and physically.
I want to motivate young men to stop wasting their potential and start taking responsibility for the lives they build.
I don’t care about becoming rich from it. Of course, success would be nice, but money isn’t the reason I want to do this. I want to create something that genuinely helps people.
Imagine a young man who feels lost, has no direction and doesn’t believe he can change. He watches a video, starts improving his life, develops confidence and eventually helps someone else do the same. That’s the kind of impact I want to have.
I know I’m only 15. I don’t have years of wisdom or all the answers, and I have a lot of growing to do myself. That’s why I want to sharpen the axe before I chop down the tree. I want to spend the next few years developing myself, learning as much as I can and building the foundation before taking the bigger steps.
I don’t want to pretend to be perfect or act like I’m above anyone else. I want to document what I learn, share what genuinely helps and grow alongside the people who follow me.
My ultimate ambition is to build a community that motivates an entire generation of young men to become disciplined, capable, purposeful and good men.
Maybe it’s an enormous ambition, and I know there’s no guarantee I’ll achieve it. But for the first time in a while, I feel like I’ve found something worth working towards.
My question is: am I looking at this the right way? And for anyone who’s built a community, started a YouTube channel or found a purpose they genuinely care about, what advice would you give someone starting at 15?

I (26M) feel like a complete failure, and I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me or what to do with my life. I want honest advice about my situation and why I seem to struggle so much with things that other people manage naturally, and what kind of career might actually suit me.

I've worked in a variety of blue- and white-collar jobs, including factories, farms, the legal field, assisting the elderly, hospitality and sales. Despite never being fired, I've consistently struggled with making mistakes, asking repetitive questions, becoming distracted and frustrating the people training or managing me. From teachers to managers, people always eventually become annoyed or disappointed in my abilities.

Today, even my boss, who is genuinely the kindest person I've ever met, admitted that performance has been disappointing. It hurt so much because I know he is absolutely correct yet I feel powerless to understand what I'm doing wrong or how to improve.

I'm also worried about my intellectual ability. I graduated with a first-class honours degree in psychology (funny enough) with a GPA of around 3.9. I went into this field because honestly I had 0 clue what I wanted to do and I wasn't interested in anything but my parents wanted me to get a degree.

I went on to complete a masters degree in a more specialised field of psych, but I struggled significantly barely passing. Since finishing my bachelor's, I feel as though my concentration, motivation and ability to learn have deteriorated massively and I now live where getting psychological or psychiatric assessments is difficult. Also I did a master's degree partly because I wasn't ready to face adulthood, but now the qualification seems to create expectations that I don't feel capable of meeting and I think I'd why I keep getting so many random jobs.

I've struggled to maintain friendships and relationships for as long as I can remember and Since around the age of 12, I've had friendships where everything seemed fine one day, only for the person to suddenly stop speaking to me or acknowledging me. I rarely understand what I've done wrong, but I feel like it's because people think I'm weird or inauthentic because i get so nervous in social situations with others involved whereas one on one I'm fine :(

Romantic relationships are similarly difficult but typically I start feeling as though the other person is taking away my independence, push them away and want to be left alone, only to miss them terribly afterwards. I don't enjoy socialising, going out or meeting new people, and I'm happiest spending time alone but I wonder whether I've become isolated because I genuinely prefer solitude or because I've become tired of repeatedly struggling with people and being made fun of

I general I feel like I increasingly feel that I've stopped caring about my future not in a off self way or anything but I've lost the joy of the next chapter, just anticipating making mistakes before I even begin, and instead of trying to understand where I'm going wrong, I focus on avoiding situations where people might realise how incompetent I feel. I feel stupid, embarrassed and powerless, and the more this happens, the less confident I become in my ability to change.

This has even affected leisurely activities I want to attend with friends where people are naturally just angry at me, like for instance where I was learning boxing the teacher was getting frustrated I wasn't understanding how to twist my foot leading to huge ridicule and the other attendees being genuinely angry at me, and when I went climbing a week after I couldnt remember 2/5 safety questions and the lady at the desk asked if I had something wrong with me.

I'm not looking for reassurance or a shoulder to cry on or someone to tell me to do psychiatric drugs to fix everything. I want some genuine harsh advice about how to take control of my life.

Thank you so much for your help in advance.

Sometimes you can miss someone and still know that letting them go was the right decision.

You can miss the conversations, the little moments, and the version of yourself that existed when you were with them.

But slowly, you start realizing that missing someone doesn't mean you need them back.

You can wish them well, appreciate what the experience taught you, and still choose a different life for yourself.

I think healing is when you stop needing the story to end differently to be okay with how it ended.

Here's to finding peace without needing all the answers. 🌱

I had a really deep connection with someone for around 3 years. It was labelled friendship since we were long distance, but at one point I genuinely believed I was in love with him. I abruptly ended things because I didn’t want to have feelings for someone I couldn’t realistically see a future with. Weirdly, it felt like a breakup.
It’s been over a year, and I’ve thought about him constantly, every single day. Eventually I stopped ‘missing’ him badly, but I still can’t get him out of my head.

I have this persistent feeling that I won’t stop wondering about it unless I speak to him at least once. I know I don’t need him to move on with my life, and I have continued living mine. But it’s ALWAYS at the back of my mind. I could be hanging out with friends, my life could be amazing, and i still feel like this. I genuinely want to know how he’s doing and what’s going on in his life, but I also wonder if we’re basically strangers now. Would reaching out actually accomplish anything, or am I just trying to scratch an itch in my brain that will never really go away? is this a me problem? maybe i’m ruminating, i just don’t understand why i’m feeling like this after more than a year has passed. it should have gone away. i think im grieving him but MORE THAN A YEAR like how long is this going to take😭

I’ve lived my entire life with fear of others. It was very bad as a child but has gotten less difficult as I’ve gotten older and constantly working on combatting shyness, awkwardness, and fear of interactions. It’s negatively impacting my life in many ways and causes a through line of constant discomfort. I can tell it’s also impacting my ability to find a romantic partner, as I’m sure i come off as awkward, cold, and insecure. I’m attracted to very outgoing, humorous, engaging men, and know I need to embody the traits I’m looking for.

Has anyone been able to really alter their ability to relate to others, becoming more outgoing, comfortable, and even magnetic? I am in a deeply transformative year and want some real examples of effective strategies here. Like I am considering clowning/contact classes and workshops. Practicing rejection therapy to strangers. Performing has always been horrifying to me so I’m wondering if I practice it, this can impact my real life interactions with humans.

This is a significant topic with my psychoanalyst over the last 6 years and I do read write and think a lot about how to change it but I need to practice / put into action things to make any sort of progress. I’m just so uncomfortable and lonely as I am now.

Thank you 🙏

i used to open a blank doc, write a terrible first draft, and fix it. now i paste the prompt in and “edit” whatever comes out. felt so efficient. last week my lab partner and i had to outline our report on a whiteboard, no phones, and i just stood there holding the marker. couldn’t get one sentence out

i think starting is the actual skill and i’ve been skipping it for months. so now the first 10 min of anything i do by hand on paper, and only then i open the ai. my first drafts are really bad lol but at least i wrote them

I (29 M) want to work on myself, but I'm having trouble seeing where to start. I'm a first-year apprentice electrician, and that takes up all my energy. I don't get much fulfillment from that, my hobbies and passion projects are mostly collecting dust, my social circles are slowly breaking up and everyone cares a little less each week. I try to work out but I can't stick to anything consistently. I'm single AF and that's probably not gonna change. It feels like everything's just getting a little bit worse over time and I'm overwhelmed with trying to fix it all.

What's the best step 1 in this case?

I'm 22, and I've been trying to understand myself better.

I think I'm good at strategic thinking and understanding people. When I'm alone, reflecting, travelling, or doing my own work, I can think clearly and make good decisions. But under pressure or in emotionally difficult situations, I struggle to think and respond the same way - sometimes I do follow my gut.

My main issues are:

• Emotional control: When stressed, I become emotionally reactive instead of thinking clearly.
• Communication: I struggle with knowing what to say in the moment, handling difficult conversations, and responding appropriately.
• People-pleasing: I understand other people's perspectives but often forget to prioritise my own needs.
• Sensitivity: I can get affected by people's words and opinions more than I'd like.
• Indecisiveness: I overanalyse possibilities and struggle to commit to decisions.

I'm self-aware enough to recognise these patterns, but that awareness doesn't seem to translate into changing my behaviour. I often think of the best responses only after I've had time alone to reflect.

TL;DR: I'm good at thinking strategically when I'm alone, but struggle with emotional regulation, communication, decision-making, and pressure situations. I want to become calmer, more decisive, and better at handling people without constantly people-pleasing.

For those who've overcome similar struggles, what actually helped? Any practical exercises, books, habits, or therapy approaches you'd recommend?

I’m 15M I’ve gotten serious about self improvement recently everything it’s going okay but I just feel so lonely, has anyone else experienced and did you just get used to it or what happend I would appreciate any advice or responses

Sometimes you set goals, promise yourself you'll change and fall back into the same habits a few weeks later. Eventually it becomes harder to trust yourself, even when you genuinely want to improve.

After a relationship ends, how do you deal with the shame and regret of having acted anxious, needy, and insecure? I keep replaying my behaviour and imagining that the other person now sees me as weak or pathetic and may describe me that way to others.

How do you stop obsessing over the impression you left on someone, forgive yourself, and move forward without needing their validation or changing their opinion of you?

I've been thinking about how social media has changed the way a lot of men view themselves. There's an entire online culture built around improving yourself, which sounds good in theory. Take care of yourself, become more confident, work on your weaknesses, and try to build a better life. But they've skewed it and made it all about obsessing over perfection. Bone mass, projection, angles, harmony, all of this bs. What bothers me the most is the contradiction. You're supposedly trying to become more confident, but the process leaves you more insecure than when you started. You keep wanting more and more and more. Im not gonna pretend appearance doesn't matter, being good looking has its perks. But there's a difference between acknowledging that reality and building your entire identity around it.

I can’t bring myself to do anything that needs to be done. It’s like my brain is frozen, I’m scared out of my mind of moving at all. I’m afraid of things going wrong, or hurting. I’m afraid of failing. I’ afraid of looking like an idiot, of people not caring about me. It’s like if don’t do anything then nothing can go wrong.

But now I’m just in bed constantly wishing i was being productive or happy but instead I get anxious and I freeze and I can’t do anything. I want to get a gym membership but I can’t afford it, I need a new job but I can’t make sense apply to anymore places. All the rejection is getting me. Not working out makes me feel weak and lazy and so I get angry with myself for not making progress.

I cant bring myself to paint, to draw, to apply to college, to go skating, to practice ballet, to read, to write, or even play sims 4. Nothing that I normally do makes me happy anymore. I just eat a little and freeze in bed and it makes me feel like such a loser, and feeling like a loser makes it not feel like doing anything at all is worth it anyway.

I just don’t know what to do. It’s like my brain hates me. Everything hurts, mentally, emotionally, and physically. The silence of my room is too loud, the sound of outside is too like, the feeling of clothes on my skin hurts. Everything is just overwhelming me and I’m scared of what to do next. Why can’t I do anything anymore.

My mind never seems to rest; I constantly crave activity. I have attempted guitar, video editing, Blender, making a serious comeback in my studies, running, drawing, robotics, and trading, among other things. The issue is that whenever I pick up a new hobby, my goal is to master it, yet I typically abandon it after just two days in pursuit of the next new interest.

II came across a passage that says people who are very emotional and easily manipulated, or who manipulate others, start living off other people’s energy. It describes feeling completely drained after time with certain people, and it ends by saying to stay centred and not let anyone come between you and what you know.

I do not take the illness and cancer claims literally. The part that stays with me is the experience of feeling drained and losing myself around certain people.

Since I started inner child work and setting boundaries, my view has shifted. I now see other people’s behaviour more as their own unhealed stuff, and I try to separate it from who I am.

1. Does this passage ring true for you, or does it feel too black and white?
2. Did your view of “draining” people change as you healed, and in what direction?
3. How do you hold compassion for people while keeping your boundaries?
4. How do you tell the difference between someone who is draining and someone you simply disagree with?

Im 20 and im always scared to pretty much do anything thats not in the norm that I do everyday, so any day where that norm changes makes me panic and feel awful negative things about myself cause Im scared of messing up and getting punished for messing up. I often tell myself I wish I didnt have to do the things in life that make me feel depressed with living and live a life where all there is is the happy parts but I guess thats just wishful thinking.

I have a problem with doomscrolling. I take long breaks (months at a time) from social media where I delete the apps completely especially Instagram because it gets me doomscrolling the most. Every now and then I fall and download it like today, I didn’t look at the time but it feels hours have gone by even tho I left it to cook and clean after lunch but I went right back to it after that. I can feel my brain it’s as if it’s telling me to stop but the motion is so easy to keep scrolling. I deleted it again now cz I could feel the panic and anxiety rising and physically I don’t feel well, I hate it but it’s so addictive even if I haven’t used it for so long. The minute I download it, it’s like I never stopped doomscrolling never took months long break.

Has anyone gone through this? Were you successful at stopping doomscrolling for good? If yes how did you do it?

TLDR; I tend to fall back into doomscrolling Instagram the day I download it again, even after taking months long break from all social medias. Looking for help/tips to hopefully break from this.

I've always been very introverted and extremely socially awkward. I had several friends in high school, but only a couple really close friends. College was a huge flop for me as I didn't make a single friend. No one has ever asked me out, and I have never asked anyone out. There have been a few girls I've crushed on, but honestly no one I've wanted to have a real relationship with. Now I feel like it might be too late. I am in grad school now and I've made my first new friends in 5 years, but all the girls are either already in a relationship or are lesbians. That's fine of course, but I had hoped I might meet someone in school, and it looks like that won't be happening. So literally what do I do? How do I even meet people? How do I get people to want to date me? How do I find people I want to date? What do I even do for a date if I've never done anything like it before?

I(22m) have not had a girlfriend since high-school and I've been single ever since. I went down a rabbithole of consuming redpill content when I was a teen (i don't watch it nowadays) but it left an impact.

Im short 5'6 and I wont lie im a little insecure about it, so I know if I try dating sites im gonna get grilled by height filters. I used to not be worried about my height until recently.

Im socially awkward too and not good at flirting so while I can try improving my social skills its gonna take a while. Any ways I can go about improving that?

I feel like im a bit of a loser for not trying casual hookups even though I don't like the idea of sleeping around.

I don't even know any good places I can go to try dating, places like the gym and work are always treated as off limits even though irl I see people meet up and date at those places all the time.

I don't know i just feel like im screwed. Any advice?

I can be really good at responding to people. My conversations usually flow well and overall I can be very social. But I struggle to be social when the other person isn’t good at “talking” my language.

When the other person is social funny and goofy I can be social funny and goofy. I can reflect good banter. But I can’t say confidently I am social funny and goofy because Im rarely the one to initiate and be that start to it. How do I actually respond to any conversation without reflecting their emotions and be straightforward grounded and graceful

today i was making myself in the sims 4, normal and fun enough, until i had to choose an aspiration. i really felt like i have no purpose in my life, what do i choose? i ended up choosing one about wanting to learn things or whatever.

it stayed with me. i know im young but it is really concerning i have no direct "plan" for my life or something i want to archive, all i used to care about when i was younger was school and getting good grades so i could get to a good university, then when that wasn't helping me anymore i made being a fan of things (tv shows, books, artists) my whole personality, "i want to live because i want to see next seson of xyz" " i want to study or work so i can buy merch from my favorite book" "i want to listen to this music/watch the new season of this show" basically just "enjoying" the things i like but i feel like that doesn't cut it, i find it maybe a bit shallow even if these things have helped me at my lowest and are things i think when my mental health gets bad. i have other things i care about but nothing feels "big" enough.

i feel like I'm doing things like getting into college just because i have to or to do something and i don't want that feeling to keep growing, i want my motivation back.

it's also worth noting that I'm someone who has hobbies and interests so that's not really the issue. if there's something I'm lacking a bit is the social interaction which i do want to work on. i am scared though of getting more social interaction and still feeling unmotivated.

i feel like i have no personality or drive. i used to say i don't like doing anything as a joke but now i actually feel it, have i tricked my brain into thinking this way? even my family says i "have a problem with life" everything bothers me, everything is hard for me, i complain about everything.

i really don't want to be this way.

any advice is welcomed!