As the title says, I went through a very hard loss of my only parent, and only family member (my mom), and although it was hard to get through the loss, I also had a very abusive relationship with my mom.
She was my only family member, but extremely controlling and frankly was angry, 24/7. I lived alone with her, so she took it out on me daily. This led to me leaning on weed for peace, comfort, “happiness”, for the past about 10 years. It was probably worse than the usual bad family situation. At one point from 2020-2022 there was a span of time I couldn’t use doors to come or go through the house, because she would chase me around the house with a knife. And then once I was chased out of the house she would scream “have a nice life”. I would have to sneak back in my bedroom through a chair set up outside my bedroom window, after working 8 hours at my job.
Now, I don’t have any abuse in my life. I have a place I lease for myself. I have a car. I don’t have a controlling person in my life. So I really, really, want to be done with weed. Now living alone, I realize that on good days, even some of the best days, all I’m doing with weed is making myself confused, dizzy, and sleepy/with racing thoughts.
I don’t want my neighbors seeing me high, I don’t want people in the city thinking I’m just a loser and stoner. The people living around my house titled me as a “recluse” who they never saw, and that I never left the house. I’ve been called that name a lot by neighbors. Obviously they didn’t know the reality I was living inside the house with my mom.
I don’t see the point of weed anymore. I’d really love advice, support or just encouragement to quit. Thanks for anybody who took the time to read this!