Mourning/Loss
I couldn’t give him the last day he deserved and it’s eating me alive.
It’s been two weeks since I had to let my baby boy go. He was 16. Lymphoma got him. Or, was getting him. We knew we had to help him go, because he was suffering and he was going to soldier on for us if we didn’t let him out of it.
I know it was the right thing for him. I’m not agonizing over the decision. And I’d be mourning him regardless. But what I can’t get over is that I couldn’t do what I’ve done for other pets and what I envisioned for him.
The lymphoma robbed him of his appetite. Even on steroids and even with Mirataz (which helped at first). He got to where he just wouldn’t eat. I had it planned out in my head, too. All his favorite foods that he had been limited on in life, he’d have in abundance on his last day. He was going to have tuna for breakfast, snacks of bologna, some beef jerky, he was going to nibble some raising canes and then get some churu to wash it down, and some “creamies” as we joked he would have called ice cream.
But he couldn’t (or wouldn’t, one) eat anything. He was my best little dude, and he’s been there for me and for my wife for so many years, and the fucking cancer robbed us and him of the last day he deserved.
It eats me alive. He deserved it all.
Edit: probably not going to surprise anyone who sees the number of comments, but I can’t possibly reply to everyone. Thank you all for sharing your kindness, your similar stories, and the pictures of your own little guys. Thanks sincerely.
IT IS CLEAR AS DAY TO ANY CAT OWNER FROM THE EXPRESSIONS ON HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE, THAT HE COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD WITHOUT ANY DOUBT.
HE LOVES YOU STILL.
YOU ARE ALSO HIS WORLD, AND HE IS ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR HAVING YOU GIFTED TO HIM.
YOU ARE BOUND FOREVER.
REMEMBER HIM ONLY LOVINGLY AND POSITIVELY.
Love you friend. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Edit: OP when you see this, go have a bologna sandwich and some creamies, your lil boy will be enjoying same time as you
To everyone else in this thread: Share the love. Your best friend 1000% knew what they meant to you and how you felt, thats all they knew. They never doubted you. Please remind someone else of that asap, even if it isn't for pets.
Do something you love, because they love to still see you happy.
So many beautiful stories and friends in all the threads and responses here.
Thank you so much for saying this! Lymphoma also robbed me of my baby girl a month ago so she also didn’t get the last day she deserved and this made me cry but feel better at the same time.
Aww thank you—this hit me right in the feels. Love really is the best kind of reminder, and I’m rooting for you (and your pets) every step of the way. 💛🐾
I’m absolutely bawling at this. I lost my boy 11 weeks ago this Friday and he didn’t get to leave this world in a way I would have chosen for him either.
Your words mean so much to not just the OP. Thank you. I loved my son buddy more than anything else in this world, and I just hope he knows that and knew that on his last day. I miss him more than anything, and I never knew that love could feel this painful.
It’s been a year since I lost my Heidi to a saddle thrombosis. It was sudden and awful and it broke me. I miss her so much every day. I am so grateful that she chose me and that she loved me for almost 6 years. I am also grateful I was with her when it happened. I wish I’d had more years with her, but the time we had was amazing. She was the love of my life. I love Lily and Max, too, but Heidi was so special. It is so very hard. Here is my girl.
I lost my baby Gandalf to the same thing! One moment he was fine the next he was paralyzed and I had to put him down. It’s changed me forever. He was my soul.
I have a video of her perfectly fine at 11:45 pm. She threw up thrombosis less than an hour later and I rushed her to an emergency vet. She was gone by 2:00 am.
I miss how she would grab my arm and sometimes put her paw in my hand. She was abused before I found her around 7 months old and it took a bit for her to trust me so this meant so much.
Thank you. I just wanted to connect with him in pain.
I regrettably had to put down my best bud Sparty (Spartacus, aka Fartacus) Xmas eve 2017. We had family over, he got out on a rainy night and came home bleeding from his mouth. While my mind went rampant, I settled on believing he got hit by a car.
The guilt came from me allowing him to sit downstairs in pain for so long (maybe an hour or two) before rushing him to emergency vet.
When we got there, they said his jaw was completely shattered and he would need very costly and extensive surgeries that would only fulfill a very poor quality of life for him.
We had to let him go.
He was a warrior always, but I cried like a bitch, even as a grown man, knowing I could have done more.
He may have wondered why I wasn't acting, on top of already being so scared and in pain.
It took my a decade to learn what I know now, which is what I shared above. It hurts a lot.
The love I give his litter sister Nala and her newer adoptive brother, Rocky, is a result of Sparty's lessons for me.
This is my Rocky. He is 6 months and 8 days old. He was diagnosed with regressive FeLV 2 weeks after we adopted him. The vets say we should only expect 2 or 3 years with him. But I've seen anecdotes from people who got 8, 10, even 14 years with the same diagnosis, so I hope he sticks around for the long haul. But the reality is that he is probably only here on loan, so we are doing our best to make sure that if he isn't here for a long time, he is at least here for a good time. I slip him slivers of shredded cheese and we serve all of our cats "special dinner" (aka tinned food or better) more often than not. We don't know how much time we'll have so we're making every day the best day ever. He's really cool and funny, loves to wrestle with his adoptive big brothers and they love on him so much. When the time comes, we will say goodbye before he can suffer even though it legit breaks my heart.
Thanks for loving them so well and being the best human for them. Some cats win the adoption lottery and I'm glad yours did too ❤️
My Shadow went from completely fine at his health exam to about three months later we thought maybe I have a best last week with him, to maybe one best last day, to running him back to the vet and hoping for even one more hour because he suddenly could not breathe from a sneaky hidden cancer.
And it still hurts years later but your words helped. Thank you, friend.
Thank you. My soul mate died a couple years ago very very suddenly and I was there for the whole thing. I had been doom scrolling in bed and ignoring her that morning. It was my day off. The she suddenly howled like she had never howled. I got out of bed and she was stumbling around until she fell to the ground panting. I had no idea what was happening. My bf had taken the car to work. I couldn't get ahold of him. I was screaming, crying "WHAT DO I DO?? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!" I watched her die.
I was already deep in a 5 year long depressive episode so I wasn't giving my cats as much attention as I should have. I felt such deep painful guilt for having ignored her that morning. I ignored her during my last moments with her. And then I was just screaming and crying while she was dying.
Did I scare her? Did I stress her out even more while she was dying? Did she forgive me for ignoring her? She was everything to me and I was everything to her. I believe she was trying to tell me that something was wrong and I ignored her.
No. All she knows is that you were always by her side, especially when she needed you MOST. Remember, cats love space. I can guarantee you she didn't feel negatively about you taking yours.
She loves you, and in the end she knew you loved her too
I'm tearing up while reading this. I understand you but please don't feel guilty about this. Your cat knew you loved her. Hope she is resting in peace.
I went through something similar. I worked the whole weekend before my little soul dog died. I didn’t realize how sick he was. I didn’t see it. I didn’t give him the attention he deserved. The guilt still eats at me to this day years later. All I could do was hold him and bawl in the most horrifying heartache. I just kept telling him “please don’t leave me. I need you.”
I’m so sorry for your losss. They know. We were their world. They felt the love with have for them. They know it was just our hearts hurting from the love so big for them.
Lost my baby bun last year and i wasn’t able to give him the last day he deserved. Thank you for commenting this as I felt the grief stab me so hard again, over a year later
Lost my Penny 4 years ago. I couldn’t even be there. She was 8. I was on a teacher training practice 100 miles away. My mum had to make an on-the-spot decision. Had Penny not seemed like she was making a recovery 7 days earlier, my school had given me permission to go home & be with her for Thursday AND Friday (what a godsend that staff was). But then she went downhill extremely quickly over the space of 5 hours. I didn’t even know.
I miss her so much. Every time one of these posts come up, I cry. But the reminders from everyone that she knew how much she was loved makes me feel so much better.
I don’t know if it’s your experience, but people are often rude as hell about buns. I was dismissed next year my uni classmates in the way they never would have done if I’d had a dog.
I love Pen & I know she knew that — I choose to believe it. I’m so sorry for your baby and you 🫶🏻 They knew as well as we know how much they were loved
People definitely don’t treat buns the same way even though the love is all the same. I had him for 7 years. It was a struggle for a month, from the moment I noticed something slightly off with him until he passed. The day before we had already gone to the specialist vets for the millionth time that month and they finally told us we can come back in two weeks time instead of the next day or the day after. The very next day he declined rapidly and we rushed to the emergency vet, it was less than an hour from the moment he declined.
Thank you for this. I lost my kitty 2 weeks ago and quite suddenly too, but I take solace in the fact that I was at least with him in his last moments and that he knew that. ❤️🩹 Also, sorry for your loss, OP. I can assure you that your sweet kitty is in good company. Hang in there. 🫂
Your words may have been for OP, but after losing my girl suddenly in June and wishing still I could have done more on her last day when she also wouldn’t eat, I didn’t realize just how badly I needed to hear them too. So, thank you, kind internet stranger, for the most healing cry I’ve had in months. ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not sure how much you know about death and dying but if he wasn't attracted to food, its best he didn't eat. When the body starts to die the extremities and non essential functions shut down. Likely his digestive system was not functional anymore and he did not have the urge to eat. I see this often in palliative care with human patients, their relatives want them to have comfort foods but they do not eat and it is upsetting for them. But the body does not need or want nourishment when it is occupied keeping the base functions like the cardiopulmonary system going.
Don't feel bad that it did not go as planned. I am sure your kitty felt loved and taken care of when he passed. As long as you were there with him that is the best passing any of you could ask for.
I hope you find some solace in knowing he is now at peace and not in pain. Cheers.
Excellent response to a very common feeling after we kindly let one of our 4 footed family members go. The scientific/ reality based answers hopefully helped ease their sorrow and pain. Thank you for your input❤️🐾🐾❤️
I lost my baby girl around the same time as you, so this post is meaningful to me and it brings me comfort to know im not the only one who’s felt this way. We’ve known for awhile that we were going to lose her soon, and her favorite foods are vanilla ice cream and licking chik fil a sauce off of a waffle fry, or specifically off of the foil part of a sauce packet.
She was doing great considering her health issues, but her condition suddenly took a dive pretty much overnight. We took her to the vet, and the following day I wanted to spoil her but she just looked so different. My husband kept asking if we should try to give her one of her favorite foods, but I just knew it was too late and it would bring her more stress than enjoyment.
I felt horrible that she didn’t get to have any of it one last time, but took some comfort in the things I was able to give her. She had a great life, living in a comfortable home where she was loved. She traveled and lived all over the US. She was a street cat from the Bronx who was abandoned in the snow at 4 weeks, and she grew into a beautiful, strong girl with a lot of love poured into her. She died in my arms peacefully, the same arms that bottle fed her as a baby and comforted her in her last hours. I’m sure your kitty was just as loved and felt that from you.
Reminds me of what happened to my girl. She had ongoing health issues, lost a lot of weight, and I was giving her special food, injections and pills for it. Things weren’t great but she still seemed like herself. I had literally just bought a new bag and box of canned prescription foods expecting we still had at least some more months together.
Then one morning I found her wobbling around and falling over, took her to the vet and they said she was very hypothermic and her paws had gone white, had a very faint heartbeat, and that they think it’s time right then and there to let her go.
This was 2.5 years ago but reading this post and the replies are making me wish I had that one last day to spend completely with her, even knowing how gut wrenching it probably would have been. She was 18 years old and had been one of our family pets when I was a teenager.
While my mom was able to get the vet to say her goodbyes, my brother wasn’t in town and hadn’t seen her weeks and was quite upset he never got to say his goodbye to her :(
About a year later when my brother’s cat (sister to my cat) began to get sick, I made sure to check in on her regularly just in case something very fast happened with her health the same way it went with my girl. They’re both together now.
Man, I just had to put my cat down on Sunday and it went similar to yours. He got hypothermic and everything and it all happened so fast. I felt like the OP, and you, but hearing your story and how you felt helps me. It’s tough.
omfg your comment had me bawling, especially the last few sentences. Even though it’s extremely tragic & horrible to lose a pet (esp in your arms), I think there’s some kind of poetic beauty in the full circle moment of being the one who gave life to save her as a kitten and then being the same exact place to comfort her in her last moments. I bet there was no other place in the whole world that your baby would’ve rather been than in your arms. I’m crying.
Oh man, your message hit a painful spot for me. When I was 9 my parents let me choose a cat to adopt from the SPCA. I brought home a beautiful black cat, and named him Frisky. He lived for 18 years (this was late 80s to 2006 or so). I was 25-26 when his body started shutting down. My mum had been taking care of him as I lived elsewhere and couldn't have a cat. She called and told me the vet had recommended he be euthanized so he doesn't experience any more suffering. She made an appointment and asked me to come. I didn't go to see him on his final day.
Now, looking back, I don't understand why I didn't go. Frisky was such an amazing cat and he would sleep with me most nights when I was growing up. He was so loving and sweet. Such a gentle cat. And I didn't go to see him when he left this world. It eats me up so bad to think about it. I can't believe myself. I know my life was a mess at that point, but, honestly, if I had the option to choose anything to redo in life, that would be it. I'd see my best friend off and give him one last pet and hug.
Maybe at the time you felt being there with him would be too difficult. But Frisky knew you loved him and felt safe. I'm sorry you lost him. This timeline is identical to mine with my own black cat. She was with us from 2007 or so. I couldn't be with her at the end either. She died just into the new year 2025. I had seen her over Christmas when she spent a lot of time on my lap being petted. You will have made your time with Frisky count.
You gave that adorable little guy all of the other good days. That’s what’s truly important. Those years and years of good days. I understand your frustration but you did right by him.
When your cat loves you more than anything, they bring you gifts of food. A mouse, lizard, bird, frog, whatever they can find. Even when you don’t eat their gifts, they still show their undying love by bringing them to you.
You gave your sweet baby gifts of food. It’s the ultimate sign of love. He doesn’t need to eat it any more than you need to eat the yummy mouse; he saw your gifts, he knows your love.
He didnt need food, he needed your help to take his pain away and send him to the afterlife to wait for you, there you can all eventually enjoy the best meals youve ever eaten.
Cancer robs people of so many things. The fact that you were there was enough. Cats know. Cats run away from their humans to die when they can because they don't want to attract predators with their bodies. Instead, you showed up. Just like he did for you. And for any cat that ever owns you, that's enough. Remember, cats see you as their kitten. It's like sitting with your dad when he passes. He doesn't want to eat food and drink beer- he looks for your eyes, your face, your smile as he crosses over. He looks for the knowledge etched on your face that you will be okay if he crosses over. And I bet your little dude did the same. You gave him what he deserved. Love. Kindness. Your face. Your warmth. The knowledge only mom's and dad's know that their kitten will be okay even though he has to go to the Rainbow Bridge. And you will be okay. Maybe not today, but someday.
We lost our Terra earlier this year. She definitely knew.
The doctor told us she wasn't suffering, so we decided to let her go naturally.
On her last night, she hopped up on the bed and slept in between us for the first time since she got sick. We both could tell she knew she was leaving us. After a while she got up and went to her favorite hiding spot in the closet behind the clothes. Before I went to sleep, I reached in to pet her and she licked my hand for a bit. When we woke up in the morning, she was gone.
god damnit this made me cry!!! mention of the rainbow bridge and the fact that cats see us as their kittens gets me every time. makes me think about when i had to put my own cat down. it still tears me up inside four and a half years later. He was obsessed with food but wouldn’t eat his last few days. I hope he knew.
The night my cat passed of lymphoma he hid under my bed and was crying out. The only thing that helped quiet him was me lying on the floor as close as I could get to him. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had taken him to the ER but I think part of me knew that forcing him to yet another medical visit in his condition would be cruel and another type of heart break if he had died on the car ride there, rather than with me at home. Its very bittersweet to think at even the end, even when he couldn't bare to accept physical affection, he still wanted me to be with him. I fell asleep on the floor next to him that night and he passed early in the morning. Its been a few years but I'm still a mess just thinking about it.
If it means anything, I don’t think he needed the last day to be as perfect as you had hoped. Just from these pictures, every day had to have been perfect for this little ball of love.
Exactly this! I sometimes feel like it's almost a competition of what "perfect last day" should look like when realistically perfect part is only lack of pain.
I doubt animals miss out on human food nearly as much as we think they do. I had both dog and cat "food beggars" and sometimes we'd cave and give them a bite, more often than not they wouldn't even eat it. Plus, you can't miss something you never had. This is how I tried to rationalize it for myself.
i had my two little budgies for years, one of them I had for 9 years, and he had traveled with me all the way from Massachusetts to NYC.
This last January, I had set them up with new food for the evening, and headed to my girlfriend's house. Unbeknownst to me, my apartments heating broke, while I was away, and the temperature got so cold it was functionally as bad as it was outside in my bedroom.
When I got home the next morning, I knew something was off when I could see my breath inside the house. When I got in my room, I was horrified to find my birdies cuddled up and frozen to death.
i regret every day that I wasn't home that night, that I couldn't have put them under the blanket with me and kept them warm.
Your cat could feel the love you gave him, you didn't fail him at all. Losing pets is heartbreaking, and so difficult, but it never diminishes the love you showed them while they were here.
Wishing you happy memories and brighter tomorrows, friend. You sound like a lovely pet owner 💖
That’s a horrible way to lose a pet. But you did care about them and sometimes things just go wrong, and it wasn’t your fault. What’s really really horrible though is people who just don’t care and treat them like toys or rubbish and throw them away if they don’t want them anymore. That’s what makes the difference.
The last day is about knowing someone is there and loves you. That tells you they would have made your last day and every day better if they could. Your involvement and care was the only sustenance your cat needed. he moved on fulfilled and content in that knowledge. You have nothing to beat yourself up for. you spread the table of your love before him and that was the last meal he took with him. You have done well.
That was beautifully stated. That’s exactly right. It’s just about love and feeling loved.
Kittie don’t have want food. Just wanted his person. And he had him.
Yeah, OP, please focus on this. My cat died on the operating table; I knew that was a remote possibility, but never thought it would happen. The last memory I have of him is kissing him before leaving the vet and telling him I'd pick him up that evening. After more than 3 years I still cry every time I remember it, and I still haven't fully forgiven myself. I know that's no consolation, but please think that many of us didn't even get a chance to say goodbye and be with them in their last moments.
He even looked like your boy, white with some black. I really hope they're playing together somewhere
You're absolutely right.
We should all be so lucky to leave this world like that. Being there for a cherished pet as they leave this coil is both the minimum and the bravest thing a pet owner can do, in my humble opinion.
I’m sorry that you feel that you were unable to give him a chance for a nice last day…hopefully you will remember all the days between in time. Those were the days that he was given by you and the days that he gave to you. My feelings go out to you and yours during this time. I think that his greyer cousin adopted us about a year ago. So hopefully this picture will ease your pain
I lost my cat of 14 years to it. I came home, and he was just sitting weird and being lethargic. I didn't think anything of it for a couple hours -- Cats are weird and lazy, and he's an old man, right? Once I realized he couldn't lift his back legs, I rushed to the emergency vet, and they found he had a blockage, from undiagnosed lymphoma.
He was at that point being kept alive by IV sugar.
Nothing to do for him. Doc said there was almost no chance of a very expensive surgery saving him. I took him home, and gave him the morphine the vet gave me, and a couple hours later, he passed away in my arms in my bed.
Some probably do. Others may want to limit some of those types of things as cats often (like us) love the foods that aren’t good for them. A full feast could then also mean a very upset tummy. Maybe there are other reasons too. But owners will make whatever decision they make because they love their cats, whether thats huge amounts of treats or very smoll
You gave him 16 years of deserved love and care, that’s 5840ish days. Don’t look at the one day you might not have gotten to give him all the foods. Look at all the days where you gave him pets, cuddles, and love. I’m sorry for your loss. He knows you loved him and you shouldn’t take that away from him.
It’s been a little over a year since we lost our floofy cow the exact same way and your post has me bawling.😭
But you did the best you could and made the best decision for him and I hope going forward that thought will give you comfort. ✨❤️
My floofy cow just got diagnosed with lymphoma and it’s breaking my heart to know we are on the path to goodbye soon. Just trying to absorb cuddles and time together as much as possible right now.
When we think about death of our loved ones, I think we understandably put a lot of emphasis on their last day. But I think it’s better for us to rather think about their lives as a whole. Your buddy had love his whole life with you. That’s so much more meaningful than whatever his last day was like. Last days can still be important, but it’s not the whole picture. 16 years of safe naps, head scratches, guaranteed meals, clean beds, fun nicknames, and delicious snacks are more than many animals are ever given. Your boy was loved from beginning to end. Let your heart rest easy knowing that.
Hey, Physical... You might not be in a place to hear this yet... But your kitty did have it all. The life and being you two shared? That's the real treasure of this world . .. I can tell how much you love him and I know that his whole existence was full of joy, fun and love. So many creatures, humans included, don't get a fraction of that. His last day might but he been what you wanted, but his life as a whole was perfect... Because of you.
I may have missed it, could you tell us his name so that he may be remembered? Hang in there OP. ❤️
You gave your boy the best life he could have for 15+ years (don’t know when you got him, I’m guessing how long you had him). He knew you were giving him his favourite foods and he would’ve loved you all the more for it, even at the end. It’s not your fault if his body couldn’t keep up. You were the best owner you could be and he loved you.
Don’t tear yourself up because of what happened at the end. You did your best, he loved you and you loved him. You couldn’t do anything else. Now go give your chubby girl every one of those treats he passed up on, cats don’t really show it but they do grieve and she’ll be missing him.
It's not your fault, and you did everything you could. He knows you loved him very much, unfortunately sometimes there just isn't much you can do. I lost my Little Man back in May to kidney failure all too early, I always showered him with treats, pieces of chicken, and expensive food until the end. When his treatment and appetite stimulants stopped working and he was at the end of his life, I tried so, so hard to give him the things he loved but he wasn't interested. And it tore me up inside, and it still does.
You did everything you could for him, if not more. And that's all that matters. Please don't beat yourself up for something that was out of your control. I'm so sorry for your loss, you gave him all the love in the world, and you should remember him with nothing but love and I hope you're able to heal from this with time ♥️
I had to put my Gizmo down last month. He had lost all interest in food and it was his favorite thing.
This is him before he lost his weight the last few months I had him.
He was 20, had lost a ton of weight and the vet said he had a big tumor on his liver. It’s so hard to lose them.
Please remember, you were also his beloved humans. While it is sad he couldn't eat anything, the fact that you two stayed with him is is probably the one more-important thing you could give him. Please, be kind to yourselves as you grieve and know that, even now, he loves you in spirit and hopes you find your smiles again someday
Once upon a time one wise man said to me.
A day with your dog counts as 100 days where he could be outside as a stray.
So dont be so harsh with yourself.
You gave him everything and you were everything for him.
We may not be able to change the world for every animal out there - but you sure did change his world
Thank you for sharing your sweet boy with us, he was beautiful! Please know that he knows. You gave him a beautiful life full of love, and then the greatest last gift we sometimes get to give. He knows. ♥️
I just want you to know that the best last day you could ever give is one where you were with him. It hurts you couldn’t give him what you were hoping for, but to him you were all he needed. Treats and favorite foods are the go-to we all want to shower them with at the end, but the fact you were with him and showed you loved him was more than enough.
You were there as he was getting old, tired, and sick. He knows you didn’t abandon him when he needed you most. A day where you cherish him, celebrate him, and most importantly just be with him is a good last day.
I understand how you feel. I lost my boy to a urinary blockage too, and the guilt and regret are eating me alive.
My boy lost his appetite on September 27. I tried force-feeding him until September 28, but on September 29, he kept refusing, and I couldn't force him anymore, so I let him be. He passed away on September 30. I keep wondering if I should have done more.
The hardest part is that September 30 was payday, and I had already made a list of all the foods I wanted to buy for him. I was looking forward to letting him try them, but he passed away on the very day I planned to buy them. He never got the chance to eat any of them, and that breaks my heart so much.
I keep wishing I could go back and change everything, give him another chance, and save him. I trusted the vet and hoped my boy would recover. I never imagined I would lose him. I know we loved them and wanted to give them the best lives possible, but it's so hard not to blame ourselves for everything we wish we had done differently. I'm so sorry for your loss. 💔
I'm sorry for your loss. This broke me even more than I thought I could be broken from this post. I hope your boy finds my boys and they become best friends.
Thank you so much. 😭❤️ That thought makes my heart ache and feel a little comfort at the same time. I hope our boys have found each other and are running around together, playing happily without any pain or suffering.
Currently in the middle of losing my 8 year old Tortoishell. She purrs if you call her name or even just look at her. 8 feels too young to be losing someone I care so much about. It was Lymphoma at first but not it appears that multiple illnesses are ganging up on her.
She is eating again with the steroids and I have since moved across an ocean since she's with my parents but it still hurts to see my baby dying. Especially since I can't be there to dote on her myself
Hey friend. Just echoing you here. I always knew for my girl Chi's last day she'd have a smorgasbord of all her favorite foods. I prepared like 7 of her favorite things and she didn't lick even one. For the first month or so I was devastated about it like you are.
It's been about 6 months, and how this feels in my head is - I thought of her first and foremost. I love her with everything in me and setting this up was more of a way for me to symbolically show that love. She definitely knew how much she was cared for even without the meal.
That's the point I came to about it, at least. I hope you can find the meaning of the gesture, too.
What a big floofy sweet boy. I'm so sorry and I know the worst sign is refusing food. From experience the pain he must have been in to be unable to eat his favorites had to be severe enough that you know you did the right thing, even if it doesn't feel that way.
Cats should live forever and make life worth living. The distribution system will have him finding you again and wanting you to share his favorites and your heart and home knowing how much joy he brought you and how good you were to him.
Man I am so sorry. I know exactly how you’re feeling, my baby girl has been gone about 8 months, and her sister (my only kitty currently ) was just diagnosed with tubulopapillary carcinoma….when her sister passed away she had heart failure, and she went out slow like that, lost her appetite, lost her energy, started having seizures and we knew it was time….its agony though. I know we sign up for it when we take on the role of pet parent- and it’s not about us, it’s about them. But god there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my cuddle bug. God speed friend ❤️🩹
I know how that guilt feels. I've never told anyone this but when I put put my 17 yr old Eskimo down 4 years ago I forgot to give him his last meal of a can of albacore.
My aunt that raised me passed away a month earlier and I was in a daze. When the day came and I knew he was too bad to go on I was so confused and sad and out of it that I ACTUALLY FORGOT TO GIVE HIME HIS CAN OF TUNA that I had bought a few months earlier knowing his time was coming.
I will NEVER ever forgive myself for that. What kind of person would do such a horrible thing?! It eats me alive. 😥
Don't fret, It was out of your control unlike me... I have no excuse except that I'm an awful person. Every time I see his picture on the wall I think of how I failed him.
I'm not even on this subreddit much, but goddam dude. I'm sure Eskimo forgave you! Up in Kitty heaven, it's all albacore!!
You obviously loved Eskimo very much and one momentary brain fart while in a grieving period does not make you a bad owner/person.
It was horrible. I hate myself. Like 1 week after I was waiting for the call to pick up his ashes and paw print and bam. I saw that can of albacore in the pantry looking at me. I stopped dead in my tracks as I remembered that I forgot and I sat down to the floor and I just felt.... Horrible. I just sat there in silence for like 15 minutes I'll never forgive myself for that.
I'm so sorry Nanook. You deserved so much better. 😔
Living with that kind of guilt is tough. Don't know how I could have been so stupid. And cruel. Tuna was his favorite thing. I always let him lick the can after I opened one. I deprived my little buddy of whole can to himself. Damn. 🤬
It's kind of weird that you said a stray kitten might need my help because in February of this year a stray cat ended up on my porch and he wouldn't leave. And now he's been here ever since. First time cat owner which is why I'm subbed here. And every time I feed him tuna I feel the guilt even more lol 😑
Nanook wasn’t lying there hoping you’d give him his tuna. He didn’t know you’d bought it for him. All he knew is that you were present with him and helped usher him into peace. That’s what he needed most, and you gave it to him. You didn’t fail him. You loved him.
I suspect the tuna was really about you and wanting to see him enjoy something again before he died. There’s no guarantee he would’ve even wanted to eat. And now it’s become a symbol of your grief and pain. If you’re still struggling this much with guilt and grief, it might be a good idea to schedule a few sessions with a therapist.
Keep the albacore tuna next to his urn. This is how many cultures honor their passed loved ones. This is why there are shrines. Change your perspective. Do you think he would want his beloved owner associating such guilt with his passing? He would want you to remember all that he gave you because he would remember all that you gave him
Hey, I just wanted to say you are not a horrible person. Just the fact you care so much and are beating yourself up so much proves that to me.
Your buddy knew he was loved and you were there for him when he needed you.
The tuna was for him, but he didn't know about it.
He wasn't disappointed. He couldn't have been.
It was your plan but plans don't always go right. That's just life.
He loved you and you did NOT fail him because of one small mistake. Just because it was at the end of his life makes it seem like a much bigger mistake than it was.
I don't think your buddy would appreciate it if you only felt disapointment in yourself everytime you are reminded of him.
Try to remember everything you were able to give him for the entire time he was with you.
Work on forgiving yourself. Be kind to yourself.
Maybe do something to "make up" for it. Like donate some albacore tuna to a shelter in his name?
Whatever helps you get past this and allows you to remember him fondly, instead of with disapointment in yourself.
Oh, friend. Food isn't a sign of your love. He passed knowing his life was filled with love, with safety. That's the best food. Death is frightening, but think of it like a cozy sleep after years and years of joy and happiness. Your love is more filling than any chicken or bologna, and I know it hurts. I promise he didn't pass wondering why you didn't give him his favorites, or why you're failing him. He trusted you, loved you and knew that whilst his time was coming, you'd be by his side, loving him until the end. proud of you.
My baby named Kitty also didn’t get what I had planned due to appetite loss from lymphoma. But her favorite thing was to watch tv on the couch next to me so that’s what we did. I think sometimes our own plans are very grandiose but cats are simple creatures and are happy just in your companionship. To them that is the perfect day.
If it helps at all my fatty cat did have a last day full of food he liked and 1.5 weeks later I still feel like I wish I couldve done more. There was never going to be a perfect last day because I didn't want a last day. But our babies lived beautiful, happy, and healthy lives and thats all we can really hope for
My last cat passed away almost a year ago. December 4th, 8:04PM was the time she closed her eyes in my wife's arms.
She had some kind of stroke or mental event and couldn't use her front legs anymore. She just randomly started tumbling around the apartment like a little wolverine out of control. We rushed her to the emergency vet and did an X-ray and said she was very constipated. We opted for some medicine and an enema, thinking maybe she might have strained too much or something. They said she was standing up albeit a bit wobbly so we thought maybe it was a seizure or something.
Brought her home but nope. She ran out of the carrier and couldn't use her front legs and immediately tried to hide. We went back and they said she must have had a second episode and you could see her eyes weren't the same size or even. So we made the choice to let her go, shortly before her 17th birthday
I do the same as you TC. I desperately wish I could have one final day with her where she was loved and I knew it was coming. Instead she spent it scared in a carrier at an emergency vet and even had a damn enema. She seemed calm by the end after we held her for a while (she hated being held but she didn't fuss much this time) and after I felt her purring a little and being calm I told them it was time. I still cry about it and wish she had a better ending but their isn't any dignity in dying.
I'm sorry for your loss. It really sucks. Time helps but I don't think I'll ever feel okay about it. I'll always miss my little princess Dolly
all I can offer are condolences for the loss of your beloved buddy 💕 regardless of what you didn't/couldn't give him, I have no doubt he felt safe with y'all. our animals may not feel/think the exact same as we do, but I know for certain they recognize when we try to alleviate their discomfort. your lovely spotted boy recognized your attempts at help, even if he didn't take them.
He looks so stupidly precious! I bet he had a very unique personally. You obviously loved him with all of your heart - and he knew that. Do not blame yourself.
Quality of life is always the determination. And it is tough to judge when it is time down to the day. Please know he fucking appreciated all of your efforts....but he knew better.
The thing that sucks with cats is that they fight death with all their being. Not many go to sleep and don't wake up. Not many that feel so loved just wander off into the woods - so we have to make that decision - and they are grateful when they can no longer endure not being able to enjoy the simple pleasures that a great Dad provides.
We have had the honor of parenting a boy that loved Doritos (just licking) and meatballs from only one sub shop that ended up being an hour away and a girl (sister) that loved BBQ.
We got them their favorites, when that day came for each - but both just acknowledged our efforts and felt comfort from our love.
Remember the good times and funny events while you raised him. He'd really like that.
My heart goes out to you. I just lost my little dude in July. He had cardiomyopathy, a bad heart. The vet had said we might get a year but we only got a few months. He was only 6. I had him for 4 yrs. His family moved & abandoned him. One of my dog walking clients told me about him so I adopted him.
He was a beautiful cat. I never understood how anyone could abandon him. He was an old soul.
He became my walking buddy. We would take walks around the neighborhood at night when it was quiet. He was the best companion I could have asked for. I miss him so much. I know how you feel. 4 yrs, 16yrs, it’s never enough. May your grief be short and your gratitude long.
You're cat isn't only alive in his body, he's alive outside of it too and I'm positive that he knows how you feel, don't let it eat you alive because just because he's not in inside his body anymore doesn't mean he can't fun on the other side, there's plenty of things to do there
Very sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer. I think just being by his side is enough. Loss my best bud on lymphoma too. He wont eat as well. The best we could at that time was stay on his side.
Cats know when their time is coming. And being there for your cat as way way better than the foods you will give.
That one last day may not be what you wanted but you have given that cat 16 incredible years of love and care. We had to say goodbye to our girl this past March and her passing was not how I’d like it have been either. Sometimes that eats me up still I’m not gonna lie, but then I do my best to think about the literally countless times that we have been happy and healthy together and it does help
You gave him his whole life and you loved him. That matters more. He was beautiful and he knows you loved him. He’s eating all his favorite foods and treats now, pain free! 🤍
I am sorry for your loss! They never are with us for long enough, and he enjoyed a full life that you gave him! Sometimes when they become ill, despite our best efforts things change quickly and our ideas about showering them with affection just can't work out. Please accept that despite this, I am certain that your kitty knew he was very loved and appreciated you until the end. 16 years is a good life, I wish my kitties all lived that long, but sometimes that is not up to us. I know your grief, and share your pain. I wish you peace, and hope you have cat love again soon!
My girl was an ice cream FIEND. would stick her face in our bowls, even if it was just yogurt, IN CASE it was ice cream. I figured for her last day she'd get ice cream.
She wouldn't touch it. Two licks, went and laid down again.
That.... That let me know I was making the right choice.
Our other girl who died in June went so fast we couldn't give her the best last day, either. She still knew we loved her. They both did. Your boy knew you loved him. Please don't beat yourself up — 16 years of love was enough for him. 🧡 Solidarity and sympathy.
It was the same for our Frankie. Large cell lymphoma. His absolute favorite human snack was McDeez chicken nuggets. On his second to last day we offered it to him. He just sniffed it and looked away.
That was when we knew it was time. We scheduled the in-home euthanasia for the following day. Part of me will always wonder if we had more time. But the dude never complained, and he had lost a bit of weight already.
It felt bittersweet to hear him snore when the vet gave him the sedative. He hadn’t been sleeping well and he looked so peaceful. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life just holding him while he crossed over the rainbow bridge.
It’s actually 6 months exactly to the day we said goodbye. You did the right thing, OP. Our kitties will be eating all their favorite human snacks beyond the rainbow bridge, together.
OP, my heart hurts for you and am so sorry for your loss of your sweet kitty. The thought, care, and love you put into your beautiful baby’s last day says it all about how loved he was and what I can only imagine is the beautiful life you gave him. Cats choose their people, not the other way around even if we think we choose them. Losing that unconditional love and joy our cats bring us is a special type of misery. Grief is a bitch, try your best to not listen to the regret and disappointment it sounds like you are carrying. Losing a cat (any pet) is a heavy enough load to carry. Take care, OP.
I am so sorry for your loss. Our last day didn't go as I'd hoped either, but have to think they knew for their whole life how loved they were (are still), and one wonky day doesn't change that x
I’m sure he was grateful for every moment he had with you and wouldn’t give that up for all the food in the world. Don’t beat yourself up so much. Grief is love without somewhere to go, don’t forget that.
You may not have given him the perfect last day, but you gave him a lifetime of love, warmth, and happiness with so many memories. You gave him what he needed.
Oh, this resonates. My dog was my best friend for 15 years. She loved everything that I loved. She was food motivated (like her mama!) and the last month of her life I fought her to eat just something to get a little pep back in her step. They tried to feed a last and final meal at the vet of ice cream and donuts and she wanted nothing to do with it. She had given up.
I'm so sorry for your loss. He looks like he was the best bud. The angel version of him now doesn't worry about his appetite. He just knows he got to connect with some cool humans earthside. Thanks for caring so much. I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️🩹
I'm sending you love and healing for you and your wife's hearts. I feel your pain. Fuck cancer of all types, especially where it robbed you all of that last day.
I tried to give our 16 year old boy chicken and churu and kitten food. He was already too far gone to want any of it. All I could give him was a comfy cat bed and a heating pad. He was my last true childhood cat and he passed a few weeks ago.
Sorry man, it is always hard EVEN when we give them the best we can, we still keep thinking we could do more.
I had to put down my sweet honey of 15 years due to a very serious heart disease (Advanced/Terminal Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy). We knew she had it for about 8 months and were medicating her and giving everything she wanted, but we DID NOT KNOW that it was terminal (the vets just said it was serious but never said she was near the end) nor that one of the medications, one that tries to prevent blood clots from forming (which would lead to trombosys) caused severe nausea and it was making her not want to eat, thus in those 8 months she lost weight uncontrolably and we were also trying meds like Mirataz to get her apetite back, the best we could do was balance things off and stop her weight loss.
In the end, she kept having embolisms (common side effect of HCM) and the chance of her having trombosys kept increasing, so we decided to let her go, but I will forever think I could have waited more while giving her the best days.
Life has a way of not working in ways we intend. It isn’t your fault. You might not have been able to give him the perfect last day, but you gave him the perfect life. That counts for more than anything else.
I’m so sorry. We’ve had 4 dogs die of cancer and it was the same-the appetite is gone and you feel so terrible not being able to give them anything in world on that last day. They want nothing. You know it’s time when a pup doesn’t want all the goodies in the world…💔😢
I went through this about a month ago. My boy, who normally loves salami, gagged when I offered him his usual little piece whenever I fixed up a sandwich. Same with his churu. $1500 worth of tests and three days later, he was gone.
He knows you tried and he knows you gave him a good life. You did good OP, please don't lose too much sleep over this
This happened to my dog when she passed. Her condition caused ulcers to grow in her mouth in the final stages, and once she stopped eating we knew what had to happen. I wish we could've given her all the treats she loved, but she just couldnt eat. Part of me feels guilty, like maybe we shouldve done something sooner before she was in that condition. But she was happy up until then. I loved my baby so much she was such a good girl. She was my mommas dog when she was alive and I always felt she was a part of her. Its hard losing pets, and i know when i lose my cat that ive had since I was 11 ill be crushed. Shes everything to me. Its hard losing your babies.. but remember all the good memories, not the bad ones. Thats what I try to do.
I can totally see your vision. I think every pet/for baby should have that type of ending after they have been with us, but it’s not always possible. You gave him the one thing that was the most important in all of all, you gave him love. You took his pain away and are shouldering it yourself now. The last 24 hours with our girl were of us holding her because we were told that she wouldn’t make the car drive home from the vet, only to have to take her back 24 hours later because she just couldn’t let go, but that 24 hours we weren’t able to give her all the food in the world, which she love to eat, but we held her, we talked to her, we made memories, and we made sure she knew that she was loved. Ironically, she didn’t need to get all the medication to let go. The first medication, which apparently is a pain reliever, and she was gone in our arms. We were told she wasn’t in pain. I don’t think she would’ve ever let go. She was just that type of cat. The end might not have been what you envisioned, but it’s what he envisioned being loved and you taking his pain away
I’m sure all of that would’ve been nice and much appreciated but at the end of the day, I’m guessing your lil man was perfectly content just to have you by his side. Treats and noms aside, we are their whole world and having you there to help him to his next destination was probably the best last day he could’ve hoped for. 🖤
Don’t beat yourself up too hard, that lil dude in the pictures looks so well loved. I am so sorry for the loss of your companion ❤️🩹
Sending you hugs! It’s not the last day that counts but all the beautiful day that you gave him, a beautiful life!
We had to let our old Havanese go 2 years ago. His last day was stressful and sadly, painful as well. For the time of grief, the memory of the last days were the strongest. It’s natural. But I promise, the memory of good days will come back as the grief fades. I promise.
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