Feeling anxious about guests staying in my personal home after a disagreement. Have other hosts experienced this?

[u/General-Pie-7482]

I'm looking for some honest perspectives from hosts who occasionally rent out their own homes while travelling.

I rent out my personal apartment in Copenhagen when I'm abroad. It's my actual home, with my furniture, personal belongings, valuables, etc., rather than a dedicated rental property.

I recently accepted a seven-night booking from guests with several excellent reviews. Something about the communication initially made me a little hesitant, although looking back, their messages were mostly polite and fairly ordinary.

Shortly after check-in, the guests complained about parking. My listing advertises free on-street parking, but spaces are subject to availability and aren't guaranteed.

They said they'd had to park 3 km away, accused me of misleading them, and stated that they expected financial compensation. They also mentioned an error in my key collection instructions, which I acknowledged was my mistake.

What bothered me wasn't necessarily the complaint itself, but the rather accusatory and demanding tone. Especially considering that they also explicitly stated they were otherwise very happy with the apartment.

I offered two solutions:

1. A goodwill refund of approximately 10% if they wished to continue their stay.
2. An early checkout with a full refund of the unused nights if the parking situation made the accommodation unsuitable.

They politely accepted the 10% refund and chose to stay. I subsequently contacted Airbnb Support to document the disagreement, and they confirmed the matter was resolved.

So technically, everything is fine. But psychologically, I'm having a surprisingly difficult time with it.

I'm currently in Asia, thousands of miles away, and I suddenly feel deeply uncomfortable having these people in my personal home.

I don't trust them anymore, even though I recognise that there's no actual evidence they'll mistreat my property. I've found myself worrying about my belongings, anticipating further problems.

The financial aspect is completely irrelevant to me. Frankly, if I could turn back time, I'd happily forgo the entire booking income rather than deal with this feeling.

Part of me regrets ignoring my initial hesitation, but another part recognises that I may be overreacting to an unpleasant yet ultimately resolved disagreement.

My question to other hosts isn't really about the parking dispute or compensation. It's about the feeling of losing trust in guests who are staying in your personal home.

Have you experienced something similar? Particularly when hosting remotely?

Did you simply let the reservation run its course? Did the anxiety subside? Or did experiences like this make you reconsider renting out your personal residence altogether?

I'm genuinely interested in candid perspectives, including if you think I'm overreacting.

[u/AutoModerator]

💫 If a post or comment violates any of the /r/airbnb_hosts rules, please report it by selecting Breaks /airbnb_hosts rules and the rule that was broken.
Posts or comments with multiple reports will be automatically removed.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/whoda-thunk-itt]

Airbnb has fostered a certain entitlement in regard to guest culture in recent years. The end result is that a lot of guests now expect financial compensation for even the smallest inconvenience. I think that’s what you’re seeing here. Nothing more, nothing you should worry about.

The guests have excellent reviews and despite being a little entitled they are likely to be excellent guests. You have placated their irritation so now allow the reservation to play out and see how it goes. Is there a chance they might ask for additional discounts for future irritations? Yes. But there’s no guarantee that will happen, so try to think positive.

Let it go, enjoy your time away and don’t worry unless they come back to you with more complaints. There’s a pretty good chance the rest of the reservation will go smoothly. And for what it’s worth, I think you handled things perfectly.

[u/General-Pie-7482 → u/whoda-thunk-itt]

I really appreciate the genuine response, made me feel better. Thank you!

[u/Wokkabulary → u/General-Pie-7482]

I’m a guest. I rented a place for 3 weeks and upon arrival there was very loud construction on the property backyard. The host Hadn’t disclosed this. We had a discussion, he refunded some of the money and the rest of the rental worked out fine. I bet that happens for you too. 

[u/AlarmedCombination57 → u/Wokkabulary]

Just curious would you expect the same for a hotel if there was construction on the property?

[u/Wokkabulary → u/AlarmedCombination57]

Definitely. A good night sleep is the nucleus of my stays whether hotel or abb. Over summer I stayed at a Hilton that started some renovation construction at 8 in the morning and I got refunded for that. The key thing is just forewarning. If host/hotel note that there is construction noise then I can just scroll past and get a place that offers a good nights sleep and no one wastes any resource. 

[u/llama__pajamas → u/AlarmedCombination57]

They properly advertise construction and usually close off rooms or discount affected areas.

[u/grumpyoldman10 → u/whoda-thunk-itt]

With all due respect, you’re completely right, but that’s only half of the problem. Airbnb first fostered a certain entitlement with hosts.

I think a lot of hosts don’t realize how bad it can be as a guest to be in some of these crummy places. I think they’ve cracked down on them quite a bit, but for a while, a bunch of them were illegal. Lots of larger houses got divided into multiple Airbnb’s with a bunch of really confusing situations and expectations that guests encounter.

So now it seems like the situation is that hosts automatically assume that the guest has bad motives and the guest automatically assumes the host has bad motives. And everybody just treats each other poorly, and puts Airbnb support in the middle of it and then they get mad at Airbnb support when there’s not an acceptable outcome.

You heard the joke about the farmer and the pig wrestling with each other right? The punch line is they both get muddy but the difference is that the pig likes it. I think all of us are the pig as long as we keep coming back to the platform.

[u/whoda-thunk-itt → u/grumpyoldman10]

I think you read way more into what I was saying, than was intended. Of course there’s a whole other side to it, but I was addressing OPs situation specifically.

A bit of mud never hurt anybody 😉

[u/glucoseintolerant → u/whoda-thunk-itt]

Airbnb has fostered a certain entitlement in regard to guest culture in recent years. kettle calling the pot Black here? tell me how you feel about the policy change and then we can have a civil chat about this.

[u/whoda-thunk-itt → u/glucoseintolerant]

I love the policy change! I think it’s long overdue. I’m a host and I’ve never asked my guests to worry about trash or do dishes lol I’ve spent the last day getting downloaded for defending the policy change.

[u/sinisterfaceofwoke]

It doesn't sound like there's anything to worry about here. Parking in cities is super stressful and they were probably in a terrible mood when they messaged you.

[u/rotten_spider]

I rent my own apartment as well so I definitely understand what you mean. I have had guests complain over tiny details like not having enough toilet paper (for a 2 week stay) and I just dont understand. It is not a hotel, it is my home, I share my condiments, olive oil butter eggs pasta etc with them, there are a million towels and grocery bags and qtips and cotton pads and laundry detergent, literally just everything you would find in a regular home. Yet, people just expect more and more, they don’t let me know when they damage stuff, etc… so much entitlement.

I empathize with your story. I’ve been there. But in the end, whenever I feared the worst, everything always turned out all right. Don’t worry too much, you are far away and things are beyond you control at this point, trust the good reviews 🙏🫂

[u/General-Pie-7482 → u/rotten_spider]

Yeah, I akso had some small damages like a broken glass not told about etc. which is not a big deal. I guess my mind just went to the worst possible outcome for no reason.

Thank you for sharing :)

[u/cnh2n2homosapien]

I wonder if it's possible to come up with a way to phrase the parking options more clearly. The word "free' seems to introduce a bit of ambiguity. Perhaps place it at the end of the phrase, and try to make everything as clear as possible. Also, if you've any tips, say, "try over on 31st Street," or a map with some highlighted areas. Something like that.

"Parking on-site, private dedicated spot, free of charge."

"Parking off-site, private dedicated spot in public garage, free of charge(paid by Host)."

"Parking on-steet, subject to availability, free of charge during the hours of X to X, all other hours, fees may apply."

"Parking on-street, subject to availability, free of charge all hours."

"Public garages available nearby for a fee."

[u/General-Pie-7482 → u/cnh2n2homosapien]

Agreed. Thing is I just used the generic option on Airbnbs dropdown list, and then specified it when they enquired about it.

I do believe however, if permanent parking for 7 days is different from general "free on street parking", but that may just be my subjective intepretation of it

[u/Strange-Fennel]

Never, ever rent out anyplace with 'valuables' or anything you would be sad to lose or have destroyed. Odds are likely it'll all be okay, there are still more good people in the world than bad. But whatever happens, take your licks as the cost of your learning experience - whether nothing happens and all you have is some worry and aggravation - or worse.

[u/markfromDenver]

Just because someone complains, does not mean they plan to damage the property.

[u/ktsesor]

Everything will be ok. Just remind yourself of how many guests you've had and how it's gone well. It's easy for our minds to spiral with what ifs when we are so far away.

There is nothing you can do now but not let it ruin your holiday. Complaining about parking for some refund is very different to disrespecting someone's space.

Anything that could happen you are capable of dealing with.

Enjoy your holiday, you've been a good host.

[u/CinquecentoX]

Could this be a cultural communication issue? Some cultures are simply much more direct in their communication styles than others.

[u/SeattleHasDied]

I realize everyone thinks home share stuff is magical like it was in "The Holiday", but, frankly, the idea of strangers in my personal spaces skeeves me out.

[u/BlacksmithNew4557]

We have rented out our personal home for years, and also a couple dedicated rentals all which used to be our personal home, very much curated and meaningful to us.

I definitely know where you are coming from, we have been there with the stress and worry of - will this person now retaliate somehow …

But, a few things:

1) test is a terrible medium for sentiment. Who knows how upset they really are, or maybe they were for a moment, and got over it. It’s possible they regret sending a nasty message. If you have the ability to call them, it could help.

2) In any case, momentary frustration, or even sustained frustration, doesn’t mean they will retaliate. We are surrounded by social media highlighting all the moments that adults act like children and seek revenge for whatever it is, but the majority of people, honestly, are reasonable at the end of the day.

3) this is part of being a host. Feeling nervous and learning to let go. Take it on as a challenge and let it be.

In 6 years and over 1k rentals now, we have only had a handful of bad actors, and the worst thing we have had to deal with is a broken lamp and angry neighbor due to noise. Sure there have been ruined sheets and towels and some wear and tear - but mostly it’s fine.

Welcome to the hard moments. It’s an opportunity to grow, and let go.

[u/Far-Explorer-1607]

I want to acknowledge what you’re actually struggling with, witch seems to be the loss of mutual trust. And while theirs may have been restored to some degree, yours has not and you’ve been left with people in your home, your personal space, that you no longer trust. Any rapport, however minimal, is gone. And that probably feels like a violation of your personal space because there is no way to secure your property or your outcome.

This feeling is awful. It truly is. I’ve been in this scenario, too, and I feel your discomfort acutely.

Here’s what I can say, if it’s any reassurance: it will probably turn out alright. Truly. They’ll be gone soon enough and this will be over. Things are things, and they can be replaced or repaired. I hate that, too, but it is a reality and I’m only mentioning it so you remember the worst case scenario isn’t catastrophic.

And I’ve learned my lesson, too. I don’t rent to people unless I am 1000% certain they understand they’ll be in my private residence, they’re not going to be in an investment property they can treat terribly, and that I am on top of things. You’re welcome to DM me if you want to discuss. I’m happy to share what I’ve learned about managing my home while living half the world away, including how I vent guests and how I word my listing (and I’m a Superhost with only 5-star reviews).

Take care of yourself, breathe, and try to stay calm. It will be over soon.

[u/General-Pie-7482 → u/Far-Explorer-1607]

You framed how I feel very well and I appreciate you sharing. Knowing that this is not just me being bonkers, helps a lot already.

I may just reach out. For now I am trying to just go about my day. Hoping for no more DMs from them thou.

[u/ShitShowcase]

I think that you handled the situation very reasonably & with more than good faith, then covered yourself by contacting Airbnb.

While I understand your trepidation, I think that you’re fine, at this point.

[u/mobit80]

Maybe tell them to use a hotel instead

[u/fuzziestbunny]

Then don’t rent your home. It’s that easy.

[u/jstbnice]

I would never rent out my vacation home if I were that far away. I live 1 hour and 45 minutes from mine. If you choose to continue to rent out, you need to get comfortable with the fact that you may not be able to get there. You did everything right.

[u/safewarmblanket]

I understand how you feel.

I spent the entire summer getting my home ready to AirBnb. Then as I read more stories and had inquiries I didn't have the stomach to rent out my actual home. The risk/reward didn't balance out for me for my own home.

I think AirBnb is catering more to guest and screwing host. I'm guessing because they aren't doing as well as they used to?

We're in the US so things are likely different housing wise from where you are. But in the US there's a huge shortage of affordable housing so we're considering buying an inexpensive investment property and renting it out for passive income instead of doing any AirBnb type thing. Where the house I was going to AirBnb is located has SUCH an extreme housing shortage that we were actually concerned a local would retaliate out of frustration. And I would understand. We, like you, live in that house some of the time and can't rent it out to a local for full time long term housing but they sure don't understand that. Overall, for a lot of reasons, AirBnb wasn't for us.

Enjoy your vacation! Because this is already happening and you can't change it. Don't let them rob you of your vacation too.

[u/Thathitfromthe80s]

yeah i had that happened and it pissed me off, it's not the host's place to solve domestic issues. one had essentially tacityly locked out the other one and I wasn't even hours in range, and so they didn't get to extend their stay when asked, didn't need that drama/energy in my home. money is not #1.

[u/PropertyFantastic208]

this is why you need a property manager. what if theres a real problem? you cannot be there.

[u/Mysterious_Finger774]

Well, duh. I would never allow strangers to stay in my home.

[u/The_Dude_Abidze]

They ran their con and got what they wanted, which was money back. I understand your worry, but I think this is just guest manipulation and nothing more. Hopefully they just want to enjoy their vacation at this point and won't bother you again. If you don't have a local co-host or someone who can help, just do some day drinking and wait until they're gone and try not to worry.

[u/dell828]

Airbnb may not be the right platform for you.

There is a house share platform that is specifically designed for you to swap homes with people anywhere in the world… There is a more of an expectation that because this is somebody’s home, it will be filled with their belongings, and you may need to accept that this is not a rental… It is somebody’s home and Karin needs to be taken.

This house swap platform does not use money but instead works on a point system. So it’s a little different.

But… People on Airbnb seem to believe that where are they’re going is more of a rental situation.. and empty place curated for guest and not somebody’s year-round living situation.. It can create some misunderstandings if not specifically mentioned on the platform that this is actually your home..