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Hi,

I am 60 year old accounts professional. I have been working for the past 23 years in Gulf ( Middle East) .

I have 25 year old son who is least bit interested in working . I tried to get him to do ACCA but he wasted my money for about 6- 7 attempts without actually studying. He has completed his B.com but does not want to work.

When ever I urge him to do something, to hone a skill to make a living he says he is still young . Also , I bear all responsibilities.

I stopped giving him any allowance so that he learns the fend for himself.

Recently he told us ( me and my wife) that he has accumulated debts with his friends as we were not footing his bills. My wife immediately paid him the amount to go settle it with the person he has borrowed.

I really do not know what to do . He is the lone son and I have a daughter who is just 22 but has completed her studies and got a nice job .

This boy probably knows we have lot of assets and one day he will get it . So he takes things easy ,lazes around ,get up at mid day ,plays football, rides scooty without helmet ( we keep clearing his fines ever now and then).

I am fed up and I'm thinking of asking him to leave the house and live on his own. I doubt he will readily do it.

Any advise will be helpful.

Thank you.

Hi all.. I am 26(F) and about a month ago started a job at a hotel as an hr and accounting assistant. One of my older male coworkers (50M) is a breakfast attendant. Last Friday we were talking and for the first time really had a deep convo, and he asked me for drinks during our shift so we went to the restaurant next door and had a few drinks. He asked me to go out later that night and I, being a lonely single mom, said yes.

He took me out for dinner, bought me drinks, we got a hotel room and smoked some weed and he brought blow for us, we were basically hammered and starting having sex (didn’t really actually do it..he couldn’t get hard and was just kinda awkwardly thrusting against me) and I deeply regret this decision. I don’t wanna do anything sexual with him ever again. However, he keeps texting me and telling me how much he likes me and how he wants to keep hanging out and bought me a Halloween costume for a party this weekend.
I don’t want this to continue but he has been there 4 years and I’ve only been there a month. I feel if I reject him he will talk bad about me and I wil be out.

i am f 20, and my sister is f 18. i’m literally terrified that my dad (m 50) may see this because he goes on reddit, so i’ve been looking for similar posts for guidance but i can’t find anything. this may get deleted once i get some feedback.

this is going to be a VERY long post. i want to give context that explains my fears without only biasing towards them. please let me know what you think.

i have never really had the best relationship with my dad. when i was super young, i’ve been told i was a daddy’s girl. but i have no memory of that at all. since i had conscious (and memorable) thinking, i’ve been driven from my dad and towards my mom.

my dad has been here my whole life. he is the breadwinner, but my mom puts in the work, too. his therapist has recently believed he may be on the spectrum, which may explain the gap in emotional relevance in mine and my sister’s relationships with him. he can’t seem to understand our interests, preferences, routines, thought processes, etc. he’s quite bad with some boundaries, too. he’s never seemed to be able to build any kind of secure connection with either of us. he and my mom are not affectionate or romantic outside of evening routines, and he has always wanted her more than she wanted him in their relationship. he’s sort of cringe and overbearing for all three of us. for me, the worst of it all is that he is PAINFULLY awkward. my sister feels similarly. my mom laughs it off but has agreed when he’s not around.

when we were younger, my sister got along with him better than i did. on family vacations, i was always with my mom, and my sister was always with my dad. i used to wonder why i had this growing aversion to him. i assumed in middle school & early high school that it was puberty and moodiness, but it’s only become more and more prevalent with time, despite hormones stabilizing and whatnot. my sister and i both make efforts to form a closer bond with him. he tries, too. it’s always felt like there was this unconscious boundary holding me back, and it’s felt protective, which is where my concern stems from.

recently i’ve been getting in my own head on if there was maybe some kind of CSA situation with him as a very young child. i’ve also always had this nagging feeling around sex. my sister and i have both admitted to each other of having nightmares of him raping, assaulting, or just generally physically overpowering us. i’ve had multiple dreams where i had to kill him to escape, and those left me feeling puzzled when i woke up. what would surprise me is that when i first woke up, i didn’t feel as much guilt as i felt safety…

i have a therapist, and so does my sister. her and i both mentioned the weird gut feeling we get around my dad. my therapist is curious to uncover ways to learn more about his relationship with us without directly asking him or my mom. my therapist wants me to bring my mom to a session to ask her about some related things , but my mom is already so exhausted from pulling his weight (he doesn’t really do anything for the family other than pay bills and cook dinner), and i think that would break her. my sisters therapist thinks if something like CSA happened, we would know and remember.

every amount of discomfort i feel around him seems to stem in physical and sexual roots. i have some extremely vivid memories that are filled with dread and fear that have to do with him in these contexts, and i haven’t had these kinds of feelings with really anyone else. they most closely resemble my memories and hidden feelings around experiences of being groomed in my childhood and being repeatedly sexually assaulted/raped by my ex boyfriend.

i also want to mention that i get SEVERELY uncomfortable watching sexual scenes in movies, even alone. my sister and i always got kicked out when that part arrived. when we watch a movie together now, i usually leave and don’t come back when it approaches because i cant bear to stand the discomfort of being near my dad when it happens. if i’m with my mom or sister, i’ll crack jokes to cope. this trait has carried over with all men. my current partner values consent to the highest standard and has always made me feel safe and appreciated in that regard, and i still feel sick when i’m with him and a scene starts.

one example of a questionable experience with my dad was when i was likely in my junior year of high school. i was on my phone laying on my stomach on my parents bed. he came in the bedroom door from behind me. i actually remembered feeling the urge to curl up or turn when i sensed him coming from behind, but i considered the idea too late to move without seeming suspicious for some reason. so i stuck it out, and sure enough, he came up behind me, and i was confused when he didn’t move for a moment. i think i was like “hello?” or something, and i turned and he had his right arm slightly raised. he said “i have a weird thing to say: i don’t think you understand how badly i wish you were your mom right now”… and i can’t describe how gross that made me feel. how do you respond to that? i think i laughed it off and went to my room. since i turned 17-18 ish i’ve been terrified of being alone with him, and that only made it 10x worse. i was extremely overwhelmed with anxiety and i remember immediately texting a friend.

another things is that my sister and i both have vivid memory of showering with him; myself more than her. i remember being small enough for his genitals to be above eye level and being confused by them. it makes me nauseous to be able to remember what it looks like. for most of my life, i thought this was a normal thing. kids shower with their parents, whatever. i found out it was a significantly lower number than i had assumed as i got older. and then i began to question why i couldn’t picture being in the shower with my mom? especially since she was a woman, this intrigued me. one day after a therapy session where i spoke about my dad, i decided to text my mom and ask if i ever showered with her. she told me straight up: “no, i don’t think ever. you always asked to take baths. those were your favorite”… SICK!!! reading that made my heart drop, although i know it realistically doesn’t prove anything. but it felt like everything clicked when i read it.

yet another example that gives me the same feeling of discomfort that i associate with negative sexual tension (but is not inherently sexual in nature at all) has to do with some of his control freak tendencies. he works with computers. it’s valid for him to be a little cautious with things, sure. it took my mom FIFTEEN YEARS to get the WIFI PASSWORD OUT OF HIM. no one knows the password on his phone. no one knows any of his passwords for anything. i mow the lawn for my family and i used to have to ask him to unlock the padlock on the shed to get the lawn mower… because he refused to give it to me. he changed the lock before he told me it, too. when he did give us the wifi, he made more wifi’s that we still don’t have access to. we have at minimum 5 different wifi’s for our home. we have an average middle class suburban home, btw. we have ultimately no need for all that. and no one but him knows any of our streaming passwords. i started paying for my own bc he always bitches when i ask to login (but who set that system up???!!!??).

he has access to everything. he used to have restrictions on everything we had. i got bullied for it for awhile, and knowing this changed nothing to him. i asked him to add our home printer to my school computer that i ONLY use for school… he said he doesn’t want my stuff to have access/connections to his things, so he got and set up a second printer for the rest of the family to use????? he has apps on apps on apps for tracking and vpns and etc. i understand not telling your kids passwords & stuff to an extent, but keeping it from his wife is very weird in my opinion. she’s still in the dark as much as we are when it comes to any of that stuff.

he’s been at home practically 24/7 for the past few months due to recovery from a medical procedure. there have been a few times where he has been exceptionally vague and protective about things that led my sister and i to believe that he was masturbating. that’s a whole other study, but it led to that conclusion on multiple occasions. whatever, we all do it… but he’s ALWAYS home alone. he knows our class schedules. and he was doing it in the common areas many times. also, we wouldn’t have that suspicion if he wouldn’t have texted us in a way that raised some red flags. we had one of those weird text convos about an hour ago now, and i couldn’t hold it in any longer. my sister and i both really want someone else’s point of view. we are on the same page, but our partners and friends don’t really get why we’re scared and uncomfortable.

what should we do? i’m nervous to say anything to my mom because she is already incredibly overworked (especially since my dad is at home all the time and can’t do as much, as well as he has been more demanding and needy since he’s bored all the time), and i know she has some CSA trauma that she has told my sister and i she never even admitted to her husband herself. i don’t want to uproot her own trauma. and bc of his potential to be on the autism spectrum, i worry that i could be misinterpreting parts of his disorder. i am very interested in psychology and would feel like a horrible hypocrite if that were the case. i just don’t know what to do… all i can say is that i can’t WAIT to move out. i want to feel like i can go braless or sleep with my bedroom door open or wear earbuds or even just feel sexy when i want to. my friends always point out his lingering presence and awkwardness. it’s like he leaves it behind in his interactions. god i feel like a judgmental monster for writing this.

i don’t feel like i can live normally anymore. my sister feels the same.

if you read all this, i honestly love you, and thank you. you don’t know how much this means to me and my sister. we’re desperate and feeling helpless at this point. any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. 🩷🩷🩷🩷

TLDR: my dad may be on the autism spectrum, but is generally very awkward and protective of his things, almost secretive. my sister and i have had some very uncomfortable gut feelings about him regarding sex and helplessness in our childhood. i never got along with him well, but we’ve both progressed into college and are feeling increasingly unsafe to be alone with him. we don’t have proof of any foul play, and don’t know how to feel or what to do. i am seeking advice on where we should go from here.

today i found out i’m not surviving cancer this time around. although i’m processing a host of complex, dark and heavy emotions and as bleak as the reality may be, i felt immediate and immense relief above all else because trust me-losing the battle is much less defeating than to try and fight stage 4 cancer. i am content with the news.

my doctor estimates that i could still be clear headed and even fully mobile for about another 10 months; for more than half of which, i could have near excellent quality of life.

then eventually it’s hospice care. and then it’s my time.

these are estimations and approximations and not exact figures of course however i will have passed on before 2028, that is most certain.

i’d love some advice and suggestions in regards to my “end of life bucket list”.

i am very grateful to be so very lucky to have been privileged enough to be able to say that money is no object; humour me, be creative!

i would also love to know about some worthy causes and organizations in need of financial support and advocacy, especially regarding end of life care.

thanks!

As the title says, I punched my sisters bf. There is obviously a lot to this story so let’s just start at the beginning

I woke up today to some loud yelling, and I heard my sister and her bf yelling at one another and her bf was screaming at her, she then left the room and went to the bathroom, he chased after her and started saying many things it was something along the lines of “I fucking needed space and look what you fucking ruined, great fucking job at making it worse” that was the consensus of what I understood, he then stormed away to their room and slammed the door my sister walked over and said sorry 3 times getting progressively louder, he then screamed a curdling scream and swung open the door, there was a loud thumb and then all I heard was my sister saying something along the lines of “it hurts please stop” I got out of bed and walked to my door and flung it open and screamed to fucking get off her, he then got up and attacked me and started shoving me, I wasn’t sure what was happening as it was dark but I found something to hit and started punching as hard as I could, my mom and brother all came out and broke it up.

My question is how to proceed? My sister texted me saying it was her hurting herself and he was stopping her, then why did he attack me? The issue is I’m 17 so I can’t move out, my sister and her bf are both 19 and 18 respectively. I just idk what to do about this situation and I’m severly lost

Edit - I realized I left out a lot of context, this has been going on for 2 years nearly. My brother fought him first and now it’s me. This has happened many times. My mom made an ultimatum that when he turns 18 he’s out of the house, that clearly didn’t happen. My sister has some mental health diagnosis, and if I call police, report it, or kick out bf, she could/ most likely would move out with him, and that is a scary reality, as she won’t have anyone able to intervene in cases like this, it’s just hard because how do we make him move out while she stays and not have her hate us? And also thank you all for the traction and support, i definitely feel better about my reaction to this!

I am a 35F and my partner is turning 34M this weekend. We been together for 4 years now.

He’s having a huge party with all of our friends for his birthday. We had an argument earlier this week, and the main thing was he kept telling me to stop bringing up a topic and I kept bringing it up, and there was a back-and-forth all day. It honestly wasn’t anything that. But when he gets upset, it feels like he wants to punish me and he does not easily move on. The very next morning, I apologized and took accountability and genuinely told him that I am ready to move forward and not keep having issues, and I apologize for continuing the argument yesterday. He responded back basically telling me that he’s really upset and extremely disappointed in me and doesn’t wanna even see me or be around me and that he doesn’t want me at his birthday party. Which to me is really insane thing to especially after I apologized. It’s gone to a point where he does this so much that if he truly keeps me and excludes me from this big birthday of his, I don’t think I wanna continue the relationship anymore. There’s just been too many arguments and too many situations, and I always take the accountability and he rarely does. My question is, what I be doing too much if I end the relationship after this birthday? It’s not just about the birthday. There’s a lot of other issues we have too, and he just doesn’t seem to ever work with me and seems to always wanna be enemies.

I've been married to my husband for 3 years now, together for 5 years and I'm heartbroken. I found out months ago that he was having an affair with a close friend of mine. the betrayal from both of them almost cost me my sanity. I found out when I was having brunch with my jezebel friend and she was showing me a photo and my demon soon to be ex husband name pops up at the top of her phone screen. When I asked her why he was texting her she started deflecting and stammering. Soon she came clean and told me everything.

After I confronted my STB ex he first denied it, then he stated that she came on to him first and that it was a mistake. this fricking affair was going on for 9 months. That's months after I give birth to my daughter. I'm dealing with a recovering body, a tiny crying baby girl, a traitor husband and a two faced friend. I decided to file for divorce.

When he was served, he was a mess. According to his mother he would spend all day crying. He'd send my flowers, write letters, send texts apologising and begging for a second chance but I'm still going through with it. the big issue that I have is that he's trying to convince my family to let me drop the divorce and they're taking his side. My mom in particular and my sister. they said thatI should forgive my STB ex because it was a mistake and. that my daughter needs both parents living together lovingly because dysfunctional families are a no no.

I told my mom that she was cruel for even trying to convince her own daughter to drop a divorce to be with a man who hurt her emotionally and cheated on her with her OWN best friend. She said if Jesus can forgive then so could I. I was astounded. My mom is religious but I never knew her to be that religious. I moved out of the home I lived with my STB ex and moved into an apartment with my baby, only my cousin and a few friends know where I am and would visit.

My mom is upset but I don't care. I feel so betrayed and hurt, his own mother is on my side but my own mother and sister aren't. I just want this to end. I have a child to raise and I want out of this nightmare. Has anyone ever went through this before? How did you handle it? First my friend, then my husband, now my mom and sister.

We were planning on taking this vacation together in february of next year. It’s a vacation to see his family which he hasn’t seen in a year and a half and I have yet to meet.

However, it seems that his family wants to do the gathering on December instead of February, though neither me nor my boyfriend have any days off left from work this year.

He came to me and announced that he will quit his job (he works at a grocery store), leave alone for a month and then come back to start looking for a job again.

I couldn’t really believe what he was telling me, but I told him right away that this is very irresponsible from his part, and also shameless. I had to explain to him that if he takes that decision, it makes him an unreliable person to be with. Plus we could go to visit his family on February anyway and do it together.

He begun to cry and accused me of not wanting him to see his family, plus that it was a special opportunity to meet an uncle he didnt even remember that he had, etc.

All of this was last night, and today he is barely speaking to me, turning his head not to look at me and he is not replying my answers. He is murmuring things and crying as well.

I’d like to add, if he goes in December he will also fail the whole University term (tests and final exams are in December, the break is between January and February).

dunno guys, this feels exhausting to navigate and I feel kinda bad for him

My husband and I are expecting our first child around Christmas. My mom wants to come and stay with us when the baby is born. My husband doesn’t want her to stay with us because he says our home isn’t ready for visitors. But we have 2 months to get ready and it’s my mom, it doesn’t have to be perfect. He doesn’t really have any other reasons. My mom can be difficult but so can his mom…

My sister said my mom was really helpful when she stayed with her postpartum and it was the first time in her life she felt like she had a mom. I don’t get maternity leave and will need lots of help. Also my dad died earlier this year and I don’t want her to be alone at Christmas. But my husband should have a say in this too and if i go against what he wants it’s going to be even bigger problems.

I guess it’s going to be a no but it seems unfair. We’re going to be surrounded by his family and I don’t have any family here.

Long story short, a group claiming to be on a missionary trip has moved in close to my grandmother. They told her they can only speak with their families on certain days and don’t have Wi-Fi. She gave them access, but I think this could be a bad idea.

Should I change her Wi-Fi password just in case? I'm ignorant about this kind of thing, and I want to make sure my grandma is safe from any stress. Advice appreciated.

Exactly a week ago i accidentally discovered that my father (61) is cheating on my mother (58) .
I accidentally stumbled on a what’s up conversation on his phone where he was chatting to some woman and planning to meet her the next day ( my mom was going on a weekend trip with her friend) while i was taking my brothers to visit our aunt .
Upon returning from her house the next day i checked his phone again and found out that they had met that morning after he had dropped my mother at the airport and that he was planning to meet up again with her in the evening but she did not come and gave him some excuses and he was not above begging and even offering to get her an uber .
This was on Saturday, my mother came back home on Monday morning and he had stopped talking to that girl. I shamefully have to admit that i was relieved and had thought that it was all over.
Then again today’s morning i discovered another chat with another woman where he was planning to meet her in the afternoon and have sex with her and he did go out so….
I am beyond disappointed and disgusted with him, i cannot stand to exist in the same house with him .
I cannot stop thinking about my mother, my heart is breaking for her and I have no idea what to do, I don’t know if / how to tell her, considering that this is not the first time that he cheats on her, he did this multiple times throughout my childhood and had multiple relationships with multiple women and my mom always ended up forgiving him.
But the idea of her continuing to share her life,her bed with him kills me
I am the only one who knows and have no idea what to do about it ??!

Okay, this is not the first time that I (F) seen something like this before. A few years ago while around my dad (51M) I saw him looking at a topless woman on his phone. Lately I have been seeing a lot of weird stuff on his YT recommendations and earlier today I saw his phone open and he had texted (maybe it was Snapchat, Idrk) some woman and it was about some subreddit (I don’t remember what it was called tbh, but I do know that it was something sexlike) she found him on and the woman said something and then an image of some sort had an option to be downloaded. I didn’t click into the photo because I didn’t want to see anything weird. The problem I’m having is he is currently married to my mother (42F) and they seem to be in love but I just don’t know what to do. I tried to tell my mom earlier but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Should I tell her? Also, I’m really sorry for the erratic and confusing format, I’m totally fried with a bunch of extracurricular activities and such and am also really upset with what I think I might’ve found. I really don’t know what to do and am looking for advice. Thank you so much for reading this.

My boyfriend celebrated his 27th birthday today. His dad stopped into town and wanted him to play pool at the bar with him and his brother. My boyfriend wanted me to go with him. I should preface this story with the fact that we’ve had a couple arguments about alcohol before. He thinks I have an issue with him drinking, but I only started having an issue with it because it was every night, and he had lied to me a couple times about drinking, or buying alcohol so I was worried I was with an alcoholic. Anyways, we go to the bar, and I didn’t want him to feel at all that I had an issue with him drinking, I even told him to invite his buddies that he has a tradition with of taking a shot of 151 on each others birthdays. 3 of his friends come by to the bar and they are drinking having a fun time and I’m staying sober through all of this to be his DD and take care of him. So I was saying things with his friends like “yeah another drink!” Or “another shot!”
From the stories I’ve heard about these friends I was under the impression it’s normal they get rowdy like this on birthdays and special occasions and what not.
Long story short he ended up throwing up for multiple hours outside of the bar and couldn’t stand. I was really worried about him and kept checking in on him.
At one point I left to go in the bar where one of his friends started telling me since I had gotten with him he acted different and doesn’t see his friends much anymore. I was honest with him and told him that I’m not the type of girlfriend to keep him from friends or family and that I’ve suggested we invite them to things we do.
Next thing that happens is my boyfriend is looking SEVERELY unwell. His friends and his brother were surrounding him and I said I was going to call the ambulance. His brother yelled at me and called me a bitch for making him have to pay for an ambulance trip. (There was no way I could carry him into the car and get him to the hospital myself). His brother went off saying that I ruined my boyfriends life that I’m a bitch and don’t care about him, all this stuff trying to fight with me and I was able to keep my cool and tell him I’m trying to just focus on making sure he’s okay right now.

But deep down while all of this is happening I realized that maybe we shouldn’t be together… his family and friends think I’m awful for him and I guess maybe I’m starting to believe that too. So I’m stuck in this weird mindset at the hospital right now of feeling like our 2 year long relationship is over, but at the same time want to hold him for dear life just happy that he’s better. I love the fuck out of this man, but knowing that his family and friends see me this way, and knowing that my boyfriend knows they see me this way, and allowing that to happen… I just can’t anymore. I need advice on what to do from here on out. Do I leave? Do I stay? Do I take what his family and friends are saying with a grain of salt? Uhg.

Growing up I could not wait to move out, I did as soon as I could my mom’s a narcissist, and my brother has his own issues and needs help. Since I’m married and have one baby (we are only having one) and my husband and I are doing really really well financially. I’ve been thinking about giving my parents a one time payment of $200k to help with their retirement and as a way of thanking them for what they’ve done for me. They’re reasonably responsible with money, but they’ve never really invested much for retirement.(They are not spenders they just simply don’t have enough to retire because they never invested their money) I’d want them to use the money however they see fit, with no expectation of ongoing financial support from me. I also want to be able to maintain some distance from them without feeling guilty, especially given my relationship with my mom.Thankfully, we already live in different states and don’t see each other very often.

My brother on the other hand is younger than me and needs help financially aswell which that would be an ongoing payment situation just to help him out not sure how much or how often I should give him money. He will basically be like a second child expense except he is NOT living with me and my husband. My brother and I did not have the best relationship growing up but and the end of the day he has lots of issues and he’s my brother. Anyways and advice wanted please

Would you give your parents a one time payment of $200k for retirement, especially if your relationship with them is complicated?

How would you approach financially supporting a younger sibling? Would you give them a monthly allowance, cover specific expenses, or set a time limit?

I want closure. My wife was raped before I met her and sexually assaulted her shortly after I met her. we both know who it was but it’s been years since it happened and since he’s groomed many more people and I’m filled with so much rage. I need to do SOMETHING but I feel like it’s too late for the police. He’s just going about life like he isn’t a fucking monster. What can I do to get closure? I’m sorry if this is a stupid request but I don’t know what else to do

My boyfriend 23m has told me 25f that he wants me to sleep with other people and I don’t know why.

Short back story we’ve been together for 6 years and we were both virgins when we got together, we were obviously each others first and I had never thought about being with anyone else but two weeks ago during sex he told me to tell him about me taking a bigger dick just fantasizing and I did.

However after sex I asked where it came from and he said it turns him on thinking about me being pleased from someone bigger and that he’s into small penis humiliation which his dick is 4.5. I’ve never had anyone else as I’ve never cheated he’s never cheated but I have caught him messaging other men before exploring something bi in him which he said he had thought about sucking dick but he swears up and down he doesn’t think/want to anymore.

I’ve tried to ask him more of why he would want me to sleep with another man but he doesn’t really give any answers and it doesn’t make sense to me so I figured turn here and see if anyone else had experience with this and could give me some insight on why he would want this.

My (42F) husband (39M) of 19 years has spent a good amount of time out partying with friends throughout the years. He will take breaks periodically and swear he is going to do better being at home, helping run the house, spend time with our kids, etc. Then it slowly goes back to the same old shit. The past several months he had been going to the bar at least 2-3 times per week. In July I told him (once again) I was not ok with my husband spending so much time at the bar; mind you some of these days he wouldn't even tell me - he would just go after work and after a couple hours waiting for him, I would look at life360 and find out. I told him this was not acceptable to me; and thought I finally got through. Then comes this past Friday, he texts and says he is popping by the bar to talk to B (male bartender) and will be home after a couple beers - 6 hours later he comes stumbling in *after driving home* and goes to bed. Saturday I had to work a couple hours, and he and our 16 year old went and did some errands. I had messaged him that morning that I wanted to talk to him. I get home from work, and he is "napping" on the couch 🙄 after a few hours he gets up for a bit, basically avoids me the whole time, then goes to bed. Sunday morning I send him a heartfelt text when he was sleeping (12:30pm), before I leave to clean an office. I thought we would finally be able to talk when I got home. Instead, he abruptly leaves the house, without a word to anyone (myself or our 16 and 20 year olds); and you guessed it!!! - goes to the bar! 😮 I was livid!! I did crash out over text a bit (sent 20 🖕 emoji back to back). He got home and our kids were pissed at him (we share a life360 group); which he tried to blame on me "talking bad about him to them". Monday, he gets home from work (6:40pm)and is drinking seltzers and listening to music while playing a game in the living room. Around 9 my oldest son, who has to work in the morning is trying to go to bed. He started texting me and asking if I could get his dad to turn the music down. I suggested things to try to block the sound a bit in his room, but said I would try. I first, sent a text to my husband asking him to turn the bass down a bit, as it travels really well. After 15 minutes of the music seemingly getting louder, I walked into the living room and said "hey, could you please turn that down a little bit? It is really loud to all of us". He replies "uh, yeah, when I'm done I will". I said "please just have some respect for the rest of your family sharing this space". He said no. At the time, my 20 year old comes down the stairs asking why his dad is being such an ass. They begin arguing and shoving, and my new coffee table gets smashed by my son being pushed into it. Our 16 year old comes in from off the porch and is also yelling at his dad for "not giving a F\*\*\* about us". Finally my husband just goes to bed; and I clean up the mess in the living room - spilt beer/seltzer, broken parts of the table, etc. Both boys had calmed down and went to bed as well. Next up, we have Tuesday- we all get a life360 notification that husband/dad is at the bar. He stays from 6-10, gets home and goes to bed. Today, Wednesday, he was supposed to pick our 16 year old for boxing at 4:30pm (he planned on leaving work early, as the gym is 30 mins away). At 4:17pm he texts me saying he can't get ahold of our son; I tell him that's strange because he is at the house, but I also haven't seen him go outside at all (ring cameras). I told him to let me know what's up when he got there, as I was finishing up my job and had a 25 minute drive home. When I get almost home (5:20pm), midly panicked because we have had some mental health issues with our son, I get a text from my husband saying he spoke with 16 year old "just a minute ago, and he had just woken up". I got home at 5:30, and all was well with my son. I got some dinner around, and then my 20 year old got home (he works the same place hubby does). We were chatting and then at 6:35pm get a life360 notification that Dad just arrived at the bar!!! It is now 9:20pm, the kids ate and we played Jenga a few times. They are off playing video games/ watching TV, and I am fucking steaming!!! I just want this asshole to leave our lives until he gets his shit together. Trying to find a place for myself, my 2 boys, and my 20 year old's pregnant girlfriend is so hard! I don't know what to do; I feel trapped. He said he would leave, but he has proven to be a liar so who knows if that will actually happen

I was super tired a couple nights ago and fell asleep in all my clothes. I remember going to bed with two rings on and woke up with one. Over the weekend washed all my bedding and cleaned under my bed and my whole room. Checked my bed frame. Where could it possibly be? It’s diving me insane- was my great grandmother ring from depression era made in a cameo coral style. No one has been in my house other than me and my husband and our three small animals - ring is quite heavy

My partner and I have been together for 15+ years. She's been having recurring health issues on and off for the whole time, but it seems to have been getting more frequent recently and I'm struggling with how to handle it.

I don't have an exact record, but I think she had around 20 days off sick last year, and i think we've exceeded that this year, with 5.5 days off over the last 8 days - not all for the same underlying issue

She has at times been reluctant to pursue the issue with her doctors, with me needing to nudge / push her to do so at times.

The doctors have done a few blood tests and whatnot, and not really come to anything too conclusive, and it looks like it will be put down as IBS shortly, pending a final test coming back within the next few days.

First and foremost, I am concerned about her health.
Secondly, I am concerned about her job security.

I believe she is unwell, but at the same time, she doesn't seem to be too concerned about the frequency of the issues, nor in any particular hurry to get a diagnosis.

Last year her HR / Company owner told her they were concerned about the high number of absences and were monitoring it, I believe she has had more time off this year than last year.

She chooses to go to the doctors appointments alone, I've offered to go with her, but she doesn't want that.
I find myself asking questions about how the appointments go, what the doctors say / what their thoughts on any results or new information, and she struggles to remember what I might consider some key details.

It feels at times that i am more concerned about her ongoing issues than she is, or that she isn't advocating for her own health with the doctors at times. If i don't ask her to speak to the doctors, generally she doesn't.
Recently they called her to make a consultation session and she declined it.

I'm trying to be as supportive as i can, but she gets frustrated when i ask "too many questions" about things. But we're years into this with little urgency on her side, and nothing of any significance coming from the doctors.

Secondly, we have the concern of her job.
40+ days off over 2 years seems very high and concerns me, especially as we don't really have a diagnosis for anything, and a very limited paper trail for visiting doctors / reporting the issues. Which only really exists because i've been pushing her to visit the doctors

Her team/company sounds like its already incredibly overworked/understaffed, and her being off so much must be having a big impact on her job - I'm concerned that they raised the issue with her last year, and things have got worse since.

She doesn't appear to be too concerned about a potential chronic issue, and she doesn't seem to be concerned about losing her job due to too much time off.

I'm struggling to find a balance between being supportive and concerned, while trying to not be too invasive or overbearing.

I'm not looking for "medical" advice, but advice on whether i've overstepping, or some advice on how i can navigate the issue and provide the support she wants/needs, while also having my own peace of mind

TL;DR - Partner is missing a lot of time off work due to undiagnosed medical issue, doesn't seem too concerned about health / work.
I'm struggling to be as unconcerned as she is, and me asking questions ("interrogating her") is frustrating her

25F, I helped my mom when she was sick. She has chronic illness and had a broken foot which required surgery. They inserted a rod so she had a hard time trying to walk after and she didn't want to really put in the effort to try.

It was stressful, having her depend on everything for me. I didn't ask to be a caregiver (if that's even what I call it.)

She left a week ago, randomly. I guess she's been planning this for a while. She got in contact with my older sister's dad (different dads.) She left for him. She is married to my dad but their marriage has always been rocky, it wasn't surprising.

What is surprising is she left me. She always said she needed help, she couldn't drive, couldn't walk, etc. But she somehow did all that to go all the way back to her home state.

I was blindsided, waking up, wanting to go to the store to get something for dinner, since I made dinner. She wasn't there, I looked in the house, nowhere. Not outside. Called my dad and asked if she was with him, he told me no and she was moving boxes that morning but she said she was going to put them in storage. Called my aunt (her sister) to ask if she heard from her, nope.

I panicked, not wondering if something happened. Did she fall outside? Did she have a major emergency that she couldn't wake me? Was there a family emergency? Why didn't she wake me if that was the case, if I drove her everywhere?

Well, soon I connected the dots of things I saw but just brushed off. She called me later that night, after trying to call her earlier. She said she wanted to give me freedom and she needed a little bit of freedom.

Next day, she said she wanted me to go with her. I don't want to. I don't want to leave to a place I don't know and to a man I don't know. He was abusive to her in the past, which is why she left. I'm not trusting him.

It was emotional, and I felt like I lost all trust. I don't even know who she is anymore. I feel like she's just a stranger. Yeah, she's my mom, but I thought she loved me. She says she still does but I don't feel it yet.

So now, I spend my days home alone, while my dad goes to work. I could get a job, I could go to school since I never got a college education, I could do whatever, but I feel stuck here more than ever.

Where do I go from here? I'm so depressed and sad. I'm so lonely. I lost my dog just days before New Years last year and that wrecked me. I just started healing again and this happened. I'm so lost. So, so lost.

Clarification: I do not hate that she wanted freedom. She deserves that. I don't hate that she left my dad. Like I said, their marriage was rocky and its understandable.

What I hate is that she left me and didn't tell me. She made me worry for hours. What I hate is that she left but wanted me to come to her. She wants me to uproot my life and just go with her, because she needs me. That is a hypocritical thing to do, wanting to give me freedom but wanting me to be with her in a place I don't know.

She always talked about leaving (during a rough patch) and she said if she divorced my dad, it would me and her. I'm blindsided. She always reiterated that to me. I thought it would be me and her. But she left me for a man. I never took her to be that kind of woman, but I guess I never knew her.

I have two siblings, both estranged. They do not help her, they do not contribute, they don't do anything. One is in prison, has been since his teen years and he's in his mid thirties. My sister is homeless and a drug addict, almost mid thirties as well. I've been the only anchor in her life, when she was sick, when she needed help, etc.

Hey everyone, I’m posting this because I’m really worried about my mum and my younger brother. I just need some honest advice and perspective.

My brother is 15. He gets literally everything he asks for money, electronics, clothes whenever he wants it. My mum spoils him a lot, and the problem is there are almost no rules or consequences. His dad is completely absent. When things go wrong, my mum will call him upset, and he barely cares. He’ll just ask “how did you speak to him?” and end the call. He never calls back, never checks in he doesn’t seem to care at all.

Mu brother has no routine. He doesn’t do any chores. He comes and goes whenever he wants. He ignores my mum right to her face. He shouts at the smallest inconvenience. When he’s angry, he breaks things cupboards, doors. Every door in our house has been damaged by him at some point. He always has to have the last word, constantly talks back, and never admits he’s wrong. Even when he knows he messed up, he will never say sorry. He shows very little empathy. None of us sisters act like this it’s really hard to understand where it comes from.

Things have been getting worse. Recently he got into a fight and came home with swollen hands. We decided not to tell our mum But my mum found out anyway and went to pick him up from school. When he saw her, he lied saying my sister was in detention just so his friends wouldn’t see her there. It felt like his reputation mattered more than our family.

Then my mum took him shopping, and my brother-in-law was there too. He was extremely rude saying things like “if my friends get into a fight, I will too”, “why should I apologise to you?”, “mind your own business”. It was really embarrassing that my brother-in-law had to see that.

When they got home, my mum tried to talk to him calmly. He got aggressive clenched his fists and told her straight up: “I don’t care about you. Leave me alone. Don’t speak to me” & so much hurtful things, he tends to get personal when he knows something hurts my mum. My mum tried to get his phone from him something and it took her about 20 minutes before he finally let go, only because a friend of hers turned up. Once the guest left, he went upstairs and smashed another door clean off its hinges. My mum went up to speak to him, things got heated, and he pushed her really hard and she fell over. My mum has existing medical conditions.

I’m writing this because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if this is normal teenage behaviour or something more serious that needs addressing. I can’t stand seeing my mum treated like this especially when she does everything for him.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? How do we start setting proper boundaries? And most importantly what can I actually do to support my mum right now? WE ARE FROM THE UK BTW*****

Hey guys, I’m a 22 year old male currently living in a pretty big city, moved here like 6 months ago and I’m enjoying it so far other than things being so expensive. I grew up in a small town in the Bible Belt and can’t really decided if I want to go back or not one day because most of my friends I grew up with are still there and my family. Basically I’m a very indecisive person I guess and can’t decide on what I want to do with my life and have been going back and forth on different things since I graduated high school. I used to be a welder but only knew MIG and flux core so basically fabrication, if you’re not really aware of welding it’s the most basic process imo and doesn’t make very much money and the work is pretty repetitive I used to build handrails all day but I really love welding it’s very fun and satisfying but I wouldn’t want to work in a fab shop for the rest of my life, it’s also pretty bad for your health long term. I’m currently working for an electrical contractor and it’s okay I guess, I feel like electrical would be a very safe career and I’d make decent money and could maybe start my own business one day which I could also do with welding eventually. But my third option would be to join the military because my a lot of my family has been in and it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and when I get out go back to college to become a civil engineer and again hopefully start my own construction company or something eventually but by the time I got to that point I’d be like 30 since I’ve waited so late to join. So would just really appreciate some advice from someone wiser then me, really worried I’m running out of time and wake up one day and be 50 without living the life I want to live.
TLDR: Should I go back to welding because I enjoy it, stick with electrical because it’s safe, or join the navy because I’ve always wanted to and use the benefits to go back to school?

Context: I’ve heard people say that if a guy is genuinely interested in a woman, he’ll always make the first move. But I feel like that isn’t always true. Some guys are shy, afraid of rejection, or worried about making someone uncomfortable, even when they’re interested.

Do you think a guy not approaching automatically means he isn’t interested, or should women sometimes make the first move too? What’s your experience with this?