r/WouldIBeTheAhole • u/burnerasf3536 • 1d ago
WIBTAH if I don’t tell my friend’s BF that she is cheating on him
Using a burner bc I rather not have this traced back to me or them. For the sake of explaining the situation I will be using fake names.
My best friend Monica has been dating Chandler for the past 4 years with on and off long distance due to school. Chandler reached out to me asking to talk which I thought was odd, bc our convos have only ever been about Monica and Chandler has never reached out to me like that. Chandler and I do not have an established friendship outside of Monica. He told me he thought Monica was cheating on him, I told him I hadn’t heard anything about that from Monica (which was true at the time) and that I was sorry that was happening, but I really didn’t know anything. I told Monica about it after Chandler and I hung up, and Monica told me that she was not cheating on him.
That brings me to last night, when Monica told me that she “wasn’t *really* cheating on Chandler” but a situation was happening and that’s why Chandler called me the other day. When I asked her to elaborate she explained that there is a guy she has been snuggling with and having sleepovers with but they (according to her) haven’t been hooking up. I explained to her that even if they really aren’t hooking up that the cuddling and sleepovers are considered to be emotional cheating. She said she’s torn between the two guys but that she’s in love with Chandler and wants to spend the rest of her life with him.
I know this is unfair to Chandler, I don’t support any form of cheating and I know what Monica is doing is wrong. But Monica is my longest friendship and I do care for her, even though I could never justify her actions/behavior in this situation. From what I know Chandler is a good guy and deserves the truth, but I don’t know if I should be the one to tell him what is actually going on. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t want to lose Monica as a friend and if I told Chandler what Monica has been doing, I would lose her forever. I just feel so bad because someone has to tell him, but I know Monica won’t and as far as I know the only ppl that know about what’s going on is Monica, the other guy and myself.
So, would I be the asshole if I didn’t tell Chandler what’s going on?
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u/SarcsmQn5 1d ago
Cuddling and sleepovers and no sex?! Hahaha who in their right mind would believe THAT crap?! YTA, if you don't want to tell him, least you could do is drop your cheating friend...ever heard the expression "birds of a feather flock together"? No morals here...it's one thing to not volunteer info but he outright asked you
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u/burnerasf3536 1d ago
When he asked me I hadn’t heard anything about her cheating, she told me she was a few days later (idk if that was clear in my post). So at the time I was telling the truth, but now I feel really weird abt it like I’m withholding the truth yk. Idk if it’s my place or not ig
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u/SarcsmQn5 1d ago
Put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel? I mean they're together FOUR YEARS, at the very very least try to convince her to tell him herself...she's an ass
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u/burnerasf3536 1d ago
Yeah I keep thinking of him, if it was anyone else I would’ve already told them. It’s really just my relationship with Monica that’s holding me back. I told her to tell Chandler and that she had to accept he would probably break up with her over it, but he deserves to know. She said she didn’t want to because she wants to stay with him. But if you have any advice on how I could convince her to tell him I’d appreciate it, if not I totally understand.
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u/SarcsmQn5 1d ago
Sooooo she wants to stay with him and cheat on him...tell her she has X amount of time to tell him or you're going to...she's a shit partner and not a good friend to put you in the middle...that alone should have you seriously re-evaluating your friendship
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u/PugDogDawg69 1d ago
YTA.
Yes, this makes you a bad person to stay silent.
You can stay silent to preserve your friendship but it does make you a bad person.
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u/Enviro56 1d ago
NTA. If he asks you directly again, maybe don’t lie. But don’t go out of your way to tell him. Honestly it’s not your relationship and basically none of your business.
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u/Mydemonswon 1d ago
Remember this will come back and bite you in the ass. YTA. Tell him. Imagine if this happened to you
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u/Next-Sir3249 1d ago
Stay in your lane. Not your business, not your relationship. This will all come out in the wash.
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u/Test_all_things 1d ago
Treat others as you would want them to treat you. You would want to know if you were the betrayed party, and be grateful that someone, anyone, told you.
Monica has no business deciding for Chandler, through deception and manipulation, whether or not he wants to stay with a cheater (he doesn’t).
If you want, have someone else tell him. I’ll do it.