I hate being a doctor.

I regret becoming a doctor

I grew up with severe anxiety. I couldn't properly communicate, was always stuttering if a group of clasmates was near. My adolescente was also really lonely.

At college things start to get better, got my first girlfriend, was studying in a great school for a career that most people would only dream to be possible. Bear in mind that in my country, medicine, as in most countries, is really disputed but the best colleges here are actually free and i got in one.

Six years after graduation, married (the absolutely best person in the world) and I hate so much about my life.

I hate working in high stake environments and having to be alert all the time. I hate the long shiftness and I hate so much disease. I cant stand so much suffering. People being fed by gastrostomy. Young patients with terminal cancer. I know most people may have contact with this misery at some point of life, but is my everyday life. I feel like some terrible affliction is right on the corner waiting for us all. I cant stop seeing the faces of some patients that have a tough end and I couldn't to anything.

Most people suggest me to change my practice. Choose a specialization that I dont have to see all of this but I cant stand medicine. I dont think im growing intellectually, I feel it's the world job possible, only satisfying by the salary.

Im 33 years old already and I feel like shit.

There are days that patients and their families will scream with you and accuse you of malpractice because an exam was delayed. Five minutes after you had to talk with an young woman with terminal cancer that was crying because she would like to be there for her son 2 years old birthday. Than your boss want to know why you are not discharging the patients fast enough and why you are asking for expensive medication.

Then you see thst even with an reasonable income, you will probably never own a house. Having a big family will be hard. And even if you manage it financially, you would not be there.

I feel as anxious as when I was little but instead of "not cool enough" I feel an agony and racing thoughts all the time about death, suffering, and injustice.

I think I grew in how I manage a lot in my life because of adversity at work. But I think I will go crazy at some point.

I always dreamt of being an writer, dont know what made me choose that miserable path.

Fuck I hate all of this

I (f19) genuinely fucking hate my best friend’s (18) girlfriend (f19).

I know how this sounds, I’m the girl best friend and all that, but hey, that’s why I’m posting it here instead of saying it out loud.

It has gotten to a point where I genuinely don’t want to talk to him anymore because of her.

Now you may be wondering what this girl could have done to make me hate her so much? I don’t even know where to start.

Here are some examples of the things she’s done within the last six months:

The two of them, my boyfriend of five years and I went to Amsterdam this summer. She yelled at me after I repeatedly told her to get off the bike lane because, and I quote, it’s none of my business and they should just see her and drive around her.

During the entire trip she insisted the four of us do everything together, refused to make any choices about what we should do and then, when I made choices about what I wanted to do and did them complained about me to all our mutual friends because I was being bossy despite telling her multiple times that none of them had to join me, that they could gladly do something else. At certain points I even plainly stated that I’d prefer to do it alone since I know it’ll be something she specifically isn’t interested in and that I didn’t wanna drag her into a nerdy store that I know she wouldn’t have any fun in. I ended up finding out she shit talked me and I told a friend that I thought that sucked. She had a freak out over this and informed me that she was actually allowed to shit talk me because, once again her exact words, I’m a bitch and she’s in the right.

Yesterday after my boyfriend and I had a fight they all went out together while I stayed home. She found out we’d fought and messaged me about it, asking me a million questions. We never text and she always ignores me when I do text her so I left her on opened cause I just really didn’t see why she thought that was any of her business. This morning I woke up to a pissy message from her for leaving her on opened.

She constantly makes subtle digs at me for EVERYTHING. The way I dress (I’m kinda emo and do goth make up sometimes which I get is not everyone’s cup of tea, we live in a tiny area in europe so not a lot of people dress like that here but it has gotten to a point), my disability (I’m deaf/HoH), my interests, etc

Recently we even got into a huge argument because, and I shit you not, she thought the Purge was a real thing Americans did.
We were at a birthday party and she was talking to my boyfriend about something that happened in America while I was talking to someone else. Eventually she somehow mentions to bring up the Purge and starts talking about it like it’s real so my boyfriend asked her hey, you know that’s just a movie right. She then proceeded to explain that yes, it’s a movie technically but it’s obviously a documentary cause where else would they have gotten the footage. A lot of people overheard and ended up trying to explain to her that that’s not how movies work and that just because there’s a video of something obviously doesn’t mean it’s real. At that point I still stayed out of it because her thinking crazy shit and not backing down on it happens at least once a week and I’ve learned from my past mistakes (she once compared me not knowing the love island contestants to her not knowing who the beatles are and then yelled at me in front of everyone when I asked if she was serious). The argument between all of them went on for around 20 minutes when I eventually just kinda raised the point that I’ve lived in America and can promise her the purge is not a thing that happens. Her reaction to that was to get up, start yelling at me, try to belittle me and storm off.

A similar thing happened when I tried to tell her to maybe cool it with the ChatGPT usage (she has a shortcut button setting for it and talks to it like it’s her friend, she gave it a name), when I told her she not to refer to Intersex people via a slur and to not tell people that that slur was the correct term (the slur doesn’t exist in english I think), when I had the audacity to say that her friend that id met once and who during that one meeting laughed at me when I asked my boyfriend to translate something she said for me (the language of the country we live in isn’t my native language) could not come to my house when her and my best friend were coming for dinner etc etc

I’ve even spoken to her about it and was under the impression we made up or whatever but I guess not.

I dont even think she has an issue with me and her boyfriend being friends per se, he has a lot of female friends but she’s only this hostile towards me. She has a reputation for being a bit of an asshole towards everyone but this is idk…a bit too much.

The only other person she’s this hostile towards is my friend L (f17) who’s my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend. She constantly calls her stupid, makes fun of her looks to her face and behind her back, calls her disgusting in every possible way and brings up her past mental health issues as a way to belittle her in front of others. When I defend L she usually just makes a joke about how we’re probably secretly lesbians and that’s why I’m defending her, since me and L are both openly bisexual. She also takes a huge issue with us being bisexual, to the point where she’s informed me she feels sexually harassed by us. When we asked her what she meant she informed us that the “sexual harassment” was me and L kissing EACH OTHER (not her!!!!!!) when drunk or using the restroom together.

It’s now gotten to a point where I don’t talk to my best friend for days at a time. I avoid being at hang outs that she’s at. I’ve left hang outs because of her. I’ve genuinely started avoiding that entire friend group because she has such a fucking issue with me and my friend. I even considered just ending the friendship with him because obviously I don’t want him to pick me over his girlfriend but I also don’t think it’s okay that he’s just allowing her to go unchecked.

Idk, I know I’m probably gonna get a bit of hate in the comments and thats okay I get it’s an odd situation but it does still hurt me and I just really really really would do everything to not be around her ever again

I am studying materials science and I’ve fought hard to stay afloat this whole time. I never had family support like some other people, so I financed everything myself with a student job. Now, I only have two exams and three months left until graduation.

Then shit happened: My employer went bankrupt. The money completely stopped. I’ve been applying for new jobs everywhere, but I only get rejections because obviously nobody wants to hire a student for just three short months. My landlord has been lenient so far and is letting me pay rent later, but that won't last forever, and I am literally running out of money for food. On top of that, my car just broke down and needs $2k in repairs just to run. I have always relied on the car to get to work and university, so I am completely stuck now. To make matters worse, my tuition fees are due in a few weeks and I have absolutely nothing. In my country, you only get social benefits if you are not enroled in university.

I am so sick of this. You work hard, achieve so much entirely on your own, and then two shitty months are enough to destroy everything. I am going to drop out and apply for welfare. I just can't deal with this endless struggle anymore. I guess I'm just one of those people who aren't allowed to have any luck.

this only happened like an hour ago and my brain is all over the place so please excuse the messy writing.

i was driving to a store with my bf and i saw a girl standing on the wrong side of the railing and not holding on. i told my bf to stop the car and i immediately jumped out to try to speak to her. i tried to get close enough to have a conversation but not too close that i would spook her. i started asking if she was okay and some girl walked up to me and told me to leave the girl alone and go away ! i moved back a little thinking that i was too close and this girl knew her and she didn’t. so i didn’t leave and i continued to try to talk to this girl and give her comfort while trying to keep her focused on me and in the moment. she kept saying she was fine and i could go but i refused and kept telling her that i was here for her and i didn’t want her to fall. another couple arrived and tried to speak to her too and make sure she was okay and they were super sweet. after a while of trying to make a conversation with her she reached her hand out to me and asked for my name. i asked if i could hold her hand and she said yes and then i told her my name as asked for hers. i spoke to her about my own struggles and how just a year ago i was in the exact same situation as her and how life gets so much better and trying to offer my empathy and support. she opened up to me a little but was actively leaning back and had her toes on the edge of the bridge. i refused to let her go and held on with all the strength i had while i did everything in my power to show her that i cared and other people care and things can get better. the police got called and they eventually arrived and my bf and another guy jumped in to grab her and stop her from jumping when she say the police. they helped her down and took her back to their car to talk to her and keep her safe. but all i can think about is if i said the right things ? what if she had fallen while holding my hand ? i’m 5’2 and 90lbs and not very strong. what if i hadn’t gotten there before that rude girl who told me to just leave her be ? i’m still shaking now just thinking about it. but at the end of the day im just so glad we were able to save her life and show her at least a little bit of compassion and love. i just needed to get this off my chest and write it down somewhere. thank you for reading.

For context, my parents were breaking up, he was not supposed to come home at all.
At 8 am i woke up from the sounds of door slamming and car driving away from our house, i wondered, well, okay, maybe he came to pick up his stuff.
He did not.
He and mom were in the kitchen and she was making him coffee, and as soon as she turned his back he attacked her with a screwdriver and started beating her up, i ran downstairs as quickly as i could and tried to help, but i am 18, weak and 5’0 tall and it didn’t help me get a 5’8 fat man off my mother, kicking and punching did nothing. I ran outside and called the police immediately, then, thank god a mail woman was driving her bike and delivering mail, i called her in and he was shocked and let go off my mother. Me and her ran outside barefoot and while waiting for the police to arrive he locked the house and started cutting his veins and slitting his throat, by the time they arrived he was dead. Blood was all over the first floor but he passed away on the second floor, at first we thought he had killed the animals but they were safe. I didn’t go upstairs but from what my mother told me it was a nightmare. My mother is okay, she got away with a few scrapes and bruises as the screwdriver was too dull to do any major damage, we’re safe and sound but will need therapy. As a note, he was severely schizophrenic and a stoner, he refused all help we tried to give him for years, he was in an episode and nothing we did helped, the day before on tuesday police also caught him but later let him go as he “sounded coherent and sane”. I am still shocked by all of this and processing. Please keep your mothers safe, do not let anyone in an active aggressive schizophrenic episode inside your house no matter what. Call the ambulance, police, do not try to help them yourself if they don’t want help. I don’t know how i’ll pull through because, just a week ago we were talking about our halloween costume plans, today, he ended his life in the most gruesome way possible.

I'm done with Streaming platforms and going full pirate.

Get ready for the shallowest vent ever. I (and everyone else here) have bigger problems than this, but here goes:

I officially hate streaming platforms. I wanted to rewatch Breaking Bad because it's the most amazing show ever, and I saw that it's available on Prime Video. "Awesome, I have prime video!" I thought. I looked for it and it's behind a 2€ paywall PER EPISODE!!!

Why the f\*\*\* am I even paying for streaming platforms nowadays?? They are all so expensive and, more and more, demand extra payments so you can watch their content! I'm done.

I try to do the "right" thing and pay for the content I consume, because my wife works with similar products and she is affected everytime someone cheats and doesn't pay what she deserves. But I'm done... I'm going full pirate and I'm not ashamed of it! At this point, I'm up for doing everything I can to sabotage this industry...

Thank you for reading!

It’s really all in the title. I’m 26, have never been physically intimate, and am just kind of stumped. I have a fat fetish, but when combined with being otherwise asexual and not interested in intercourse, connecting with others intimately is hard. I have great friends, so no issues there. I’m fairly attractive, and get asked out by people when I go out. But I’ve kind of just given up. I’m part of the 1% of people who aren’t into sex at all, and yet my precursor to attraction is a taboo fetish, which is another small community with limited overlap. I’ve tried some communities and even met up with a couple people(I tend to get a lot of attention, especially when showing myself), but the folks on fetish sites are (understandably) primarily looking for sexual interactions. Quite a few went in with hopes of “cracking my shell”, and disregard my boundaries in the process, which just feels violating.

It’s isolating, to be honest. Those who know me wonder why I’m single because I get along with people and get attention, but I can’t help that my interests are so specific. Whenever people ask me out, I don’t bother getting my hopes up, and try to gently let them down.

Soooo back on this account for a different thing I have never shared : I exposed a cheater to his girlfriend, resulting in their breakup.

A few years back, I was on a dating app and I came across a profile of a guy who seemed totally my type. We end up matching and he asked me out for drinks near his. Went great.

He invited me to his place after. I was hoping to cuddle and maybe cozy up to him as I was having a lot of fun. Whilst at his house however, I noticed something strange. A pink contact lens case in his bathroom.

However, I mentioned jokingly right before about how I hate wearing lenses ( it was getting late and my eyes were feeling dry!) and he mentions hes never worn them but it must be rough.

At that point, I felt something shift in me. You have a pink contact lens case in your bathroom but you've.. never worn contacts? The fuck are these here? I didn't say anything but I felt a bit suspicious ( its his own place!)

Anyway, as it got late I had to be up early the next day so I was on my way, he offered to grab my shoes and as the shoe rack dropped, I saw a pair of shoes that did not look his size at ALL! Some white Af1s.

From there I will keep it short : I stalked his instagram a bit and found a tag which led me to *drumroll please*

His girlfriend.

Not just that - HIS GIRLFRIEND OF TWO YEARS . He said he'd been single a long time and yet here he was on her highlights 6 weeks ago. Literally what the fuck. Anyway, after I knew it, I blocked him. I made a fake account and dmd her everything which screenshots of his profile. She began instagram calling me and spamming but I didnt open the messages as I felt too scared to answer. I saw all their travel pics in Dubai and anniversaries and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Some time after, I checked on her page and saw he was gone from her highlights. I felt good. I mean, it must have hurt yes, but she clearly deserved better than that. Like your boyfriend is lying that he is single on dating apps, what the fuck?!

I don't believe he ever knew it was me as I purposely texted her in a different way. But whatever, it isnt my issue. I'm just glad I caught on. I would have felt awful sleeping with someone elses boyfriend.

My apartment burned down

I was at work. Didn’t even know what was happening until it was too late. The unit NEXT DOOR to mine is where the fire started so mine was one of the worst ones to be hit… Just absolutely engulfed in flames. The worst part is nobody can tell me anything conclusive… how soon did the windows and doors get smashed in??? Did anybody see my cats jump out the window??? Did the smoke hit them before the windows got broken? Did they go to sleep from the carbon monoxide and die peacefully or did they somehow escape? I don’t know I have no answers from anybody.

But it’s not looking good. I keep having nightmares about them burning alive. I’ve tried everything to find them in case they did escape. I posted flyers everywhere, gave their photos to the local animal shelters, posted in local facebook lost and found pet groups, posted on next door, asked all the neighbors in the surrounding area to keep an eye out on their ring cameras, I’ve been putting out cat traps with my clothes every single night… management won’t let anybody inside the building because it’s so damaged and structurally unsound it’s dangerous to go in there, it’s all fenced off and there’s a security guard or I would’ve tried to get in somehow anyway… my unit was so bad the firefighters couldn’t even go inside to check for bodies so I could at least have some confirmation, closure, so I could stop getting my hopes up and stop looking and start grieving… it’s been a week and nobody has seen them.

Other people have found their pets. The unit next to mine where the fire started… she only got some of her dogs out (she had NINE wtf?!?) the dad dog and two puppies made it out but mom dog and the rest of her puppies didn’t make it out so I’m thinking if that was right next door, it’s probably most likely that my own cats didn’t make it… but if I give up hope and stop looking I feel like I’m a horrible person and feel so guilty for giving up on them. I even tried to hire a drone service that turned out to be a scam… so then I found a legitimate one and they said the structural damage was so bad probably couldn’t even navigate a drone inside there so that was a bust.

I’m just so mad. The fire dept doesn’t even know officially what started the fire because the unit is so unsafe they couldn’t go in. The woman next door said it was electrical and an outlet next to her mattress sparked and lit the mattress on fire but I just don’t believe her. That’s just the story she’s telling everybody but we have no official way of knowing. My apartment manager doesn’t believe it either. I just hate her, I blame her completely for killing my cats, I want to rip her to pieces. I don’t even care about all the stuff I lost I just want my cats back.

I wish I could’ve saved them. I wish I could kick her ass. I hope they are still out there somewhere but it’s not looking good. I feel guilty for not doing more. Im exhausted from keeping my hopes up and getting disappointed and getting my hopes up and getting disappointed over and over and over again and I feel like giving up but if I give up then I’m a horrible person for quitting on my cats but it’s just killing me. I love them so much. I took in momma cat off the street and didn’t know she was pregnant and she gave birth to my other cat and I kept her, had her since the day she was born, I was so attached to these cats, they were my whole world.

Anyway, I needed somewhere to put all this so thanks for letting me vent.

i can’t get up ever. i’m just in bed right now. i only function on the days i work. and after work im exhausted. i hate my days off because i can’t ever do anything. i’m just stuck waiting for relief that never comes. i’m exhausted by nothing. i haven’t been able to sleep because i have nightmares constantly. i don’t remember them when i wake up usually but it’s the kind of restless sleep that gets nowhere. and the nightmares never stop. when i remember them they’re disgusting. they’re gruesome and foul and worse than anything stephen king could ever write. the kind of shit that you don’t want to put on paper because it makes you nauseous. i couldn’t repeat what i’ve dreamt about but i think about it all the time.

i’ve been having bad derealization symptoms. i love being outside but lately it looks like a movie. like the world stops at the tree line. the shadows aren’t real. the sunlight is from a studio light. the birds aren’t out. walnuts drop from the trees on a cue. the trees and leaves and grasses are all plastic and two dimensional and the wind is stale. it makes me not want to be outside anymore.

i want to move past everything but all i can ever see is the trauma. all i can ever remember is how my mom treated me. how she still treats me. im so angry with all of it. i never wanted to be this hard. i’m so exhausted and so fucking scared. i feel like a cat trapped in a tiny room. or a little rabid baby dog. i’m so scared it’s all i know. fear is all i know.

god forbid someone slams a door within a mile vicinity. if i hear it, if my body feels it, i literally freeze in fear ever single time. i immediately disassociate and i literally cannot move. i thought stopping alcohol and pot would help but it hasn’t. it’s just another font of the same fears. i refuse to go on medication because of what it did to my mother. what she did to me because of it.

the worst part of all of it is seeing my friends mothers die. my first boyfriends mom died when we were together and i detested her. don’t get me wrong. i’m glad she’s dead, she was terribly abusive too. but i wished it was my mom too. my coworkers mom is in the hospital because she just had a stroke. she’s a kind lady and my coworker loves her to death. i wish she could trade places with my mom. my uncle got cancer. i wish it was my mom.

how do i stop feeling so stuck and so exhausted.

BPD mothers are the worst, they can dish it out but they can never take it, also enjoy having no emotional support, being abused as a caretaker and a free therapist and this started when I was 6, I wish I did have emotional available parents who could give me a secure childhood.

I (20F) have started to have feelings for one of my close friends (20M). I had him over my house yesterday, and decided to drink a little. By the time he had to leave, I was already pretty tipsy, and he made me promise not to drink any more since I would be alone. But after he left I admit that I drank quite a bit more.

Later that night, he realized that he had forgotten his laptop at my house (which he needs for homework) and texted me to ask if he could come back and grab it. By this point I was too drunk to really use my phone so I never responded. Eventually, he ended up coming back anyway, and (according to him) found me passed out in a pool of vomit (sorry I know it’s gross). He managed to wake me up and get me and the room cleaned up a little, but he seemed pretty shaken up and upset with me.

Now it’s the morning after, and we haven’t spoken since. I feel pretty embarrassed and don’t really know what to say to him. Honestly, I also feel pretty upset that he came back to my house without waiting for an ok from me, and that he was so upset over such a small thing (he never drinks and isn’t really used to these things, I guess).

If anybody has any advice, I’d appreciate it. How to talk to him, what to say, if I still have a chance with him, etc.

I don't even know where to start. First of all I know this is silly even dumb but I'm having big feelings.

In the Bigfoot subreddit there is an ongoing conversation through a series of posts regarding the new Bigfoot documentary.

For those who don't know, the Patterson -Gimlin footage is one of the most controversial pieces of tape im American history. It's a short video of two men going on horseback ride and running into a Bigfoot. It came out in the '60s it has since been slowed down, stabilized and brutally analyzed. For ages the tape has been incredibly controversial as it's been quite difficult to replicate. The two men in the tape have claimed it to be true.

There is a documentary that is either coming out or has already been released that in-depth discusses this tape being a hoax. There have been a lot of interviews, articles, etc claiming it's a hoax or claiming to debunk it. But, until now none of them have been able to do it as thoroughly as this documentary has or will. Partly because at least one of the men in the original video is explaining how they did it.

I'm in tears. The people actively posting in the subreddit are being quite calm and rational as there's no real way around it anymore. But I am crushed. I don't know how to or who else to share this with. I know it's just a tape maybe even a dumb one at that but I guess over the years I've held onto it as one of the "indisputables." Not because it proved Bigfoot was real but because it couldn't simply be explained away. It was too well done. Numerous documentaries have tried to replicate it but never quite gotten there. Now it all just feels so stupid. It felt like one of the thicker pieces of real wonder left in the world. I feel absurd and ridiculous but can't deny that I am utterly crushed. Should I unfollow the subreddit? I don't understand why this is so upsetting.

Hey I'm 19 fem and I recently found out my dad is dying of aids due to sharing needles while doing dr*gs. At first I felt so angry at him that maybe if he just would've stopped when he first got clean he would've lived longer. I don't really have a good relationship with my dad and long story short I haven't spoken to him in 2 years since I left. I cried later that day from finding out and I feel like I'm going between emotions and idk what to do. He's dying, now either I can go see him and get everything off my chest or I don't talk to him and he dies along with everything I would want to say. This is the hardest decision of my life because I'm scared to let him back in because of what he did to me and my siblings. I hate him so much but deep down he is still my dad.

I haven’t had friends in years
I’m in my first year of college right now and for the past 6 years, I haven’t had any real friends
In young elementary I had 2 really close friends but then I moved came grade 5, and we drifted apart over the years and since then, I haven’t had any friends, I’ve been alone, in later elementary when I moved into a new school before highschool, I was heavily bullied, I came into the year halfway through, everyone had their groups and I was passed around for about a week as the “shiny new kid” before being forgotten and picked on, I had books thrown in the mud, clothes ripped, insults etc

I never made friends again in elementary, then highschool started and I genuinely tried to make friends, I joined band, tried to get involved, thought I even made friends but over time, no matter how hard I tried to reach out, I was ignored and iced out, felt like I was on the outside
So eventually I stopped trying, I went through highschool alone, spending lunch reading as it was easier than facing my lonely reality

I don’t understand social cues anymore, or how to “properly” interact with people without making things awkward
I don’t feel the need for connection either anymore, I just feel numb and like I could spend weeks or months alone without issue
I don’t get what people feel when they hang out with friends, or how people interact so well

I finished highschool with nobody to talk to about it,celebrate my achievements accept my dad, talking to him is really the only social interaction I really have anymore

I started college and still am having the same issues, can’t get social situations, failing to communicate in a normal way, not really getting along with anyone
It sucks in a way, yet again in another I feel numb

Complicated feeling suck
I just hope one day I won’t be a mess when trying to make friends, and hey maybe one day, I’ll understand what it’s like to feel having a friend

Hope anyone who reads this has a good day, and thanks for reading my 1 am rant

I (M29) just need to vent a bit.

She was the first person I was truly in love with. We were friends for about 7 years before we became a couple, and then dated for 2 years. We were horrible for each other. We were young and both had a lot of baggage we were ill-equipped to handle. Things ended very badly between us.

But I did love her. I loved her a lot. She was my first true love, and I haven't forgotten. I haven't been in a serious relationship since her. Even though we haven't spoken in years, I think a part of me still feels love for her, even though I'm not in love with her anymore. Things ended pretty badly, with both sides either doing something bad or saying something bad to the other, and I said some terrible stuff to her. I sent her a message a year ago after not having talked for about 5 years, apologizing for the horrible stuff that I said, but I never received a reply, even though she saw the message.

Found out today through a friend that had bumped into her that she's pregnant with her first child. I don't know why, but it made me feel something. What if we never broke up. What if I didn't say those horrible things. Could that have been me? Could it have been me waiting to welcome my first child into this world? Could we have made it work? A lot of what ifs have been going through my head for the last few hours.

I don't really think I'm sad or angry. Hearing it just tore at something in me. Maybe scars that weren't as healed as I believed they were. I truly wish her the best and I hope that she makes it work. I just really hate how things ended between us, and that so many things were left unsaid.

Got diagnosed a couple weeks ago, and I’m honestly just ready to get medicated. I feel so miserable and I truly don’t know what else to do. I’ve been doing horrible academically this semester of college. I’ve already dropped two classes (it’s looking like I might have to drop a third), and I haven’t even started my transfer applications for college (I’m in community college).

My math class is pretty eh. I have an A (I have an exam this week, which I have yet to study for, and that could possibly drop my A down to a B or lower). It’s not just school though. Everyday feels miserable. It’s like I’m just bored out of my mind and nothing is enjoyable. I say that but I just recently finished the new call of duty campaign in 2 days (which isnt that bad considering the game is like 6-8 hours long).

Tv shows/movies have been pretty boring as well. I booked a ticket to go see “You can see everything” since everybody is hyping it up on letterboxd. I hope that cures my boredom for a little.

I’m also very lonely and don’t have people to talk to. I try to spend time with my neighborhood stray cat, just to get out and get some fresh air.

There’s just things that I want to do and just can’t seem to do it. Like I recently bought street fighter 6, but I can’t play the game for more than 5-10 minutes. I try learning combos and get bored so fast it’s not even funny. It’s the same with deadlock and overwatch. Those are games where I actually have to learn stuff (like movement, perks/cards, how the game works, macro/micro) and that gets boring as well. That’s mostly my fault though. I have this thing where I have to be the at best at whatever I touch and will try to grind to get there. I of course never do because I never end up grinding.

There’s also math. I have so many textbooks I want to read but just can’t. I try over, and over again, but I just can’t make any progress. It’s so stressful and demotivating.

(I apologies for any typos or if things just don’t make sense. I’m just tired and trying to proofread this just doesn’t seem feasible right now. I’ll tidy it up later on.)

My best friend told me today that she got to get back together with her ex of 1 year after he cheated on her with over 10 women, has given her STDS, slept with her friends and is a liar.

She told me straight up that she would rather be with him and let him cheat on her all the time than not be with him.

This is the 3rd time she has taken him back and I can’t be there for her anymore. I don’t know why she allows this person to do this to her. She has such a large support system around her but refuses to listen to their advice.

We are in our 30’s. This has been happening with men since we were 16 and I can’t be there for her anymore. I always drop everything to be there for her and the favor is never returned.

She told me last night she doesn’t know why I’m even friends with her and I got off the phone just feeling sad

for a few months this year, life actually looked like it was getting better for my husband and I

over the last month, I had to have spinal surgery due to cauda equina, found out my grandma who I’m extremely close to has less than six months to live, my camera, which is my source of income, broke, any and all of our money has went to bills and our savings have been wiped out. my business Facebook and instagram have been banned for no reason. business I’ve built over 7 years and leads gone.

my best friend has found a guy she fancies and completely changed overnight, doesnt care anymore, can’t speak to her. she was like a sister to me. I have no one other than my husband now. I’m so alone. my phone has started flickering and I can tell it’s going to die. everything around me is breaking. I can’t sleep. my husband is getting bullied at his job and we suspect he might be let go. I honestly seriously dont know how I’m supposed to keep going.

I’m suicidal. no my gp doesn’t care, their solution is antidepressants which right now would make me feel worse. yes I’m thinking about my husband. I just want to feel something that isn’t despair and depression and sadness. I want to close my eyes and never wake up again. I’m not sure if I want to drink or what. I don’t know what to do

Many say that suicide is a permanent choice in the face of a temporary problem, and sometimes that is truly the case.

But there are situations like mine where, while I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s justified, it’s not far off. I live with visible physical deformities and neurodivergences, and I have only recently become fully aware of this. It appears I have a rather rare, undiagnosed condition, even though it was noticeable when I was a child. I want to know if there is any way to navigate life despite these challenges.

I am not treated like an adult, even though I am one; I have no hope of finding love; and, beyond being unattractive and "strange," I am also due to my neurodivergences not very bright. There are people who suffer and end their lives over much less; what, then, am I supposed to do?

My mom and my family's been going through a lot recently. She's 39F and I live with my stepdad who's 41M, and he's not really married to her. They've been together for as far as I'm aware, a year now. I've been living in this house as he also moved in with us, and we've moved in and stayed for more than a year now. Recently, my grandpa who wasn't really as close to our family, died at 77, around a month and a little more ago. And my stubborn grandmother who's around 75F has dementia and is struggling to take her diabetes medication. And this stubbornness has been going on for so many years now since I was still very young. My mom yells at her a lot and argues always with her as her money is also always wasted on her maintenance, and recently from all the expenses her savings are drained. This thing of her starting to talk about "killing herself" was mentioned as far as when I was around ten or maybe even younger, I was aware she was already starting to experience so many issues when she was pregnant with me, and considering I was an accident. But she kept me anyway and she got through "hell" as she describes it to me during her academic years. I'm still active with my real father and she's comfortable with me seeing him, because they just broke up over, and just weren't compatible. Going back to the main point, she keeps bring it up more often, but she still continues to laugh and talk casually with me, which is a little unsettling for me and I don't know if it's that serious or not. I'm 14M and an only child, and I also don't want to surround myself in this kind of energy either, but my mother and my stepdad are really the ones I have to rely on financially. My stepdad on the other hand is a pretty casual guy and you can rely on him. She and my stepdad are both trying to have kids through IVF too and they're planning on it. And I don't really have anyone to rely on because I don't trust anyone or have any friends at all. And I haven't really bothered calling or reaching out to anyone since I grew up with a few stigmas that just stuck too. For me, my mom has always been seemingly pretty strong but just really emotional, and to this day I still don't know if I should reach out to her or not, since I'm not really an emotional and a person open to that kind of thing. I don't know how to be a son to her, and I don't feel a strong connection to her either, or anyone really.

I feel so hopeless right now. I feel like i was tricked. I been studying a career on computer science now for 3 years ago and now it feels so useless. I can not believe that AI is so fucking good right now it is crazy. I dont see any possible future where my degree is useful. I cannot study anymore because when i realize how hopeless it is i stop and feel depressed. I feel like i wasted my youth. I am so jealous seeing how other people can just study and not have to worry about the future and have a normal degree. And the worst part is that i dont think that computer science is unique in this. I feel like most degree will start to become useless. The future feels so bleak for mankind i really dont know what to do with my life. I miss so much when ai was dumb. I also hate when i talk to someone with this and they say something like "but someone has to control the ai". Even then do you not think the jobs will be reduced a lot? already it started to shrink and ai has become better and better. Even just a few month ago Ai was still very bad at programming and needed a lot fo human intervention but now it is so fucking crazy what it is able to do man.

Due to my past (abuse/various other) i have social anxiety at 31.. I have a stable job and regularly (is supposed to be regualr) have presentations.

Everytime I present, my mind goes blank i have heart palpitations and dissociate.

I am taking the steps to get better, exposure therapy in small doses and a therapist but I feel like sometimes people may think I am faking it, or judging me for it.

I feel like I yo-yo between thinking It is ridiculous and telling myself to get a grip and being kind to myself.

I dont even know what else to put except looking back on everything, I definitely lost myself massively during that period of time. Speaking to others and them telling me that I was never myself just explains it all. I put up with so much and I'm so ridiculously annoyed at myself for not leaving sooner. I have my own issues yes, but I'm genuinely glad to not be in that situation anymore. Just wish I had the courage to end it sooner but here we are. That's all.

i’m in my early twenties and honestly, i don’t have a bad life at all. i’m pretty independent, i love traveling, i’ve gotten to see some incredible places, and there’s a lot i’m looking forward to in life. i’ve come a long way from who i used to be and i’m proud of that.

but holy shit, i’ve been feeling lonely lately.

i don’t really have much of a social life outside of work. i get along great with my coworkers, and sometimes i’ll literally stop by on my days off just to hang out with them. i know that probably sounds a little weird, but i genuinely enjoy being around people and sometimes that’s really the only opportunity i have to socialize.

i don’t have a close group of friends to make plans with. nobody’s really hitting me up asking if i wanna go out or do something. most of the time it’s just work, home, and figuring out what to do with myself until i have to go back.

and it sucks because i’m actually a pretty social person. i love meeting people, going out, doing spontaneous shit, all of that. i’m not someone who enjoys sitting at home alone all the time. i just don’t have many people to do things with.

i think some of this goes back to my childhood too. i was overweight growing up and got bullied quite a bit. i spent a lot of those years feeling like i didn’t fit in, and i think it messed with me more than i realized.

i’ve lost weight since then, become way more confident, and i actually like who i am now. but i still catch myself wondering whether people genuinely like me or if they’re just being nice. i worry about bothering people, and when someone makes me feel wanted, i tend to get attached pretty quickly.

anyway, i recently got back from a trip to the middle east, and honestly had an amazing time.

while i was in lebanon, i met this girl in beieut.

she was genuinely one of the most beautiful girls i’ve ever seen, and i really enjoyed being around her. i started looking forward to seeing her, thinking about her when i wasn’t with her, all that stuff. i don’t know, i just really liked her.

then my trip ended and i had to come home.

and man, it’s been rough.

i’m back in the states now, thousands of miles away, and i still think about her constantly. i keep thinking about the time we spent together, wondering what would’ve happened if we lived closer, or if i’d had more time there.

but lately i’ve been questioning something.

am i this hung up on her because i liked her that much, or because i’m just really fucking lonely?

and i think it’s probably both.

i’ve been in relationships before, so it’s not like i’ve never experienced love or affection. but i really miss having someone. having someone to talk to about random shit throughout the day, someone to spend time with, someone who’s excited to see you.

and meeting her reminded me of how much i’ve been missing that.

i don’t want to make it sound like my feelings for her weren’t genuine, because they absolutely were. i still think she’s an amazing girl and i’d love to see her again someday.

but i also can’t ignore how much this whole situation has made me think about my life back home.

it’s honestly such a weird contrast. one week i’m in beirut, going out, meeting people, having the time of my life, and the next i’m back home with barely anyone to hang out with.

i love traveling and i always will. but sometimes i wonder if part of why i enjoy it so much is because i get to escape how lonely my everyday life can be.

and that’s a pretty shitty thing to think about.

i’ve worked really hard on myself over the years. i’m not the insecure kid i used to be, and i’ve done things that younger me would’ve never imagined doing. i can literally get on a plane by myself and fly halfway across the world without thinking twice about it.

but somehow i still struggle with something as simple as having a solid group of friends.

and i think that’s what bothers me the most.

i’m not asking for some crazy social life. i don’t need to be going out every night or have a hundred friends. i’d just like to have a few people who actually want to spend time with me. people who reach out first sometimes, who invite me places, who think of me when i’m not around.

i’d like to fall in love again too. not just have some temporary connection that ends with me getting on a plane and wondering if i’ll ever see that person again.

i think growing up feeling unwanted definitely plays a part in how i handle all of this. but at the same time, it’s not like i’m just imagining my loneliness because of some childhood insecurity. i genuinely spend a lot of my time alone, and i don’t want to anymore.

i guess meeting that girl in beirut just made me realize how much i’ve been missing.

i really do have a lot going for me, and i’m excited about where my life is headed. i just wish i had more people to share it with.

i don’t know. i guess i just needed to get this out somewhere.