"No one is going to believe us." My brother's words after we were driving away from the animal shelter after a detour to our mother's funeral.

I can't stop thinking about what happened yesterday. I just need to get it off my chest. This has easily been the worst month of my entire life, and I've had some pretty awful stinkers. I figure this is the best thread for it, even if I'm sure most of you will think this is engagement bait or whatever. We couldn't believe it, either.

So, my stepmother has been sick with breast cancer for a few years. We've had our differences, but I love her a lot. This will sound horrible, but worlds more than my own biological mother. I wanted to call her mom right away, but she needed more time to adjust to the idea. I could talk to her about anything. She made the most sense to me out of any of my parents, and I had the strongest bond with her out of the four parents in my life. She taught me to cook, we loved splitting up thanksgiving tasks, trying each other's food- it was how we shoved each other love.

I moved out of state awhile back, but dad told me she was declining rapidly after not being in hospice that long. I had intended to go see her for one last thanksgiving next month and handling all of it to take it off her plate, but had to move up my plans. Right after my birthday, I flew back into state last minute on the 12th, was going to head back on the 16th. She was skeletal, having a hard time getting out words. I knew in my heart she was going to be gone before I got back on the plane.

And she was. Thursday at midnight. The four day trip has turned into an 11 day trip, because now there's a funeral to attend and family to grieve with, words to write, decisions to make. Burial or cremation, what kind of service to hold, where to hold it- that sort of thing. You know how it goes. I didn't pack funeral clothes, either, so had to do a ton of shopping to boot.

The funeral was yesterday. Got into the car with my siblings, and we head off to follow my dad there, when we're sitting at a stop sign. There's a puppy pacing back and forth, wanting to cross the road. And this is a road with a pretty high speed limit, so you know, extra stressful. Puppy looks a bit rough, which tells us it's probably a stray, but it's still a PUPPY. We were discussing how to safely get it across the street at least (away from traffic) when the unthinkable happens: a car going easily 70 miles per hour clips it and keeps going.

We spring into action. My younger brother gets across the street, forcing traffic to slow down and let him retrieve the puppy. My sibling's wife is calling around to see what emergency clinics are open around us, where we can take it. My brother hands the puppy off to me when he gets back in the car, and I keep my arms securely around it to at least make a concentrated attempt to keep it as still as possible as we transport it to a shelter that will do their best to save it's life. The emergency vet in town told us straight up that they would euthanize it if we had to bring it to them, as they were already at capacity- which added another half an hour or so to what was already a pretty big detour from the entire reason we left the house.

This poor puppy is covered in its own piss. So flea infested I can see dozens of them crawling all through its fur. Open sores on ears and snout. And it's pretty limp- the poor thing has to be in shock. I'm out here horrified that the spine is broken and we could be causing it suffering by moving it like this, but the alternative was leaving it for dead. I could hear my practical minded mother in my ear saying "I'm not getting any deader, go on now". It's just the kind of woman she was.

So we make a lot of pretty hilariously awful navigation choices because ALL OF US are from out of town (save my youngest brother, but he doesnt drive). We call dad to let him know we're going to not be there for awhile and sorry about it but yes, we did in fact just WITNESS A PUPPY GET HIT BY A DAMN CAR. ON THE WAY TO MOM'S FUNERAL. BARELY A WEEK AFTER MY BIRTHDAY. COOL!

It occurs to me that this puppy very well could die, and I decide. Goddammit, if this thing is dying, I want it to be comforted at least. I start calling it a good girl, singing that silly meme song "she's so braaaave, she is nooot afraiiid she's so braveee", going back and forth with calling her a good girl. If this is a boy dog, he can be a good girl for now, it's fine. I am keeping this up for easily 45 minutes in the car between trying to figure out where we can even TAKE the poor thing, phone calls with the police and shelter, and admittedly being pretty frazzled and snapping at anyone who asks me anything cus I am Locked In on puppy comfort.

She stops being as limp as she was. Somehow! I dont know how! I think she must have been petrified, but maybe she started to understand we were helping her. She keeps pushing her snout into my arm for comfort. I keep it up. I feel her back legs move. I nearly also pissed my own self from relief, it's not as bad as I thought it was. I mean still BAD, but not SPINE SEVERED BAD, at least.

Nothing is open to the point we have to resort to calling 911, which gets in touch with animal control for us, which has them meet us at a local animal shelter to deliver the puppy. They were convinced we were lying about us being the ones to hit the poor thing. The animal control officer starts interrogating us about where exactly the puppy got hit- if it was across the street or ON the street. Before I can ask her why in the hell it matters so much, she says "Oh, well, if it was across the street we can't actually help it because that's highway is the city limit technically. You'd have to take it to-"

In that moment I nearly forgot every value my parents raised me with to do a violence, I could not BELIEVE what she was trying to tell us. Quickly, we affirmed it was very much on the street and again, we have a FUNERAL TO GET TO. My brother and I are covered in dog piss and fleas, but we cannot miss our MOTHER'S FUNERAL. I take a card so I can follow up and get an update on how the dog is doing, and we take our leave.

After a few moments of silence in the car, that's when my brother chimed up. Yeah, we had a tense laugh about it. Cus seriously. Our mother, who we were all very close to, just died a few days ago. On the way to her funeral, we literally witness an actual puppy get hit by a car. ...but it wasnt even a question in our minds if we were going to do what we can to save her. We decided we'd name her Bluebell (she looks a bit like bluey).

"There's no one I'd rather watch a puppy get hit by a car with," my sibling tells their wife.

I'd planned on saying something for mom's funeral. But my clothes are ruined. I stink to high heaven. I am, perhaps understandably, slightly rattled from the experience and high emotions. I know I was rotten for snapping at everyone in the car for what was equally as stressful for them. It was all I could do to just sit in the service quietly and listen to just about everyone in the damn room say lovely wonderful things about mom. To the point we're wrapping up, but the pastor realizes I haven't said anything (the only one of her kids, step or not, who hasnt).

So, I get up there. Do not talk about the damn dog, I tell myself. Just. Try and remember what you wrote about mom (my phone had died during this extra time we took to try and save the dog).

Yeah so I kinda blacked out when I got up there, but I most definitely talked about why we were late and sorry if I smell and absolutely traumatized everyone further because they wanted All her kids to say something. Streamed on Facebook live to boot.

Everyone was kind and said it was beautiful but I know in my heart everyone thinks I'm on drugs, now.

Anyway, all that to say I have some stern words with whoever was in charge of RNG this month. What the fuck. The shelter was closed today (bizarre), but I'm planning on calling tomorrow morning to ask after the puppy. If you read this far: sincerely, sorry. I didn't even get into everything that sucked about this month, but yesterday still has me reeling.

this is so stupid but so two days in a row ive gone to the beach a the same time and this same guy who’s about my age, and i won’t lie, attractive, was there.

i’m going through a breakup this past month so this is the first time anyone has piqued my interest.

and the first day i’m with my dog and i see the guy and i’m stumbling all over myself cause my dog is 5 months and a menace. and the guy says cute dog.
and i’m like thanks

next day i go again without the dog and it’s sundown so the beach is gonna close within the hour and i go on a walk.
i come back he’s at his car putting the board away and also leaving.

and i walk to mine, and i kinda do a double take to make sure it’s who i thought but he’s driving in my direction and makes this urgh what does this person want face and im so embarrassed that the first person i thought was cute most probably thinks i’m following him.

granted i have big dark curly hair and so i probably looked really bad after the wind.
i just thought he was cute like a little beach crush 😭

i think i need reassurance/ a reality check i don’t know lol

My best friend told me today that she got to get back together with her ex of 1 year after he cheated on her with over 10 women, has given her STDS, slept with her friends and is a liar.

She told me straight up that she would rather be with him and let him cheat on her all the time than not be with him.

This is the 3rd time she has taken him back and I can’t be there for her anymore. I don’t know why she allows this person to do this to her. She has such a large support system around her but refuses to listen to their advice.

We are in our 30’s. This has been happening with men since we were 16 and I can’t be there for her anymore. I always drop everything to be there for her and the favor is never returned.

She told me last night she doesn’t know why I’m even friends with her and I got off the phone just feeling sad

I’m a (22yo F), and I’ve struggled with self-hatred for most of my life. Lately, I’ve been confronting that I am ashamed of my ethnicity, and I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.
For context, I was born and raised in Spain. My mother is a 2nd generation Colombian immigrant who got pregnant at 16 with (unfortunately) my father, a Colombian immigrant who was 28 at the time. Both of my parents are ethnically Colombian but I’ve only visited Colombia a couple of times as a child, and although I grew up in Spain, my family background is Colombian.
I had a very difficult childhood in a deeply dysfunctional family. I experienced abuse at home (CPS got involved several times) and bullying at school, and I grew up being ugly, overweight, and rejected and I’ve always been a quiet, reserved person (got diagnosed with selective mutism at age 5 to 7), and I think these experiences shaped the way I see myself more than I fully understand.
At 18, because of my family circumstances and everything I was going through became unbearable, I moved to Sweden on my own. I’ve lived here ever since, and leaving Spain was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. For the first time, I felt like I had reasons to live for. I could finally build a life away from my family and the environment that had made me so unhappy.
Despite having to work and study simultaneously, I’m now attending university in Stockholm and have achieved a high level of proficiency in Swedish in less than five years. I’m doing much better than people back in Spain probably expected me to, and I’m genuinely happy with the life I’ve built. I also have a loving boyfriend.
However, my self-hatred hasn’t gone away. If anything, it feels like it has become more complicated.
Shortly before moving abroad, I became extremely fixated on my appearance. I lost a lot of weight very quickly and started wearing makeup, which I’ve gradually become completely dependent on. I feel like I’ve done everything possible to improve my appearance, and one of my biggest fears is becoming ugly like I used to be (I also noticed that I feel no sorry for my younger self and kind of think I deserved being bullied for how bad I looked) and I’m terrified of losing the appearance I’ve worked so hard to achieve, I never see myself good enough, I kill myself in the gym every week and I’m so careful with what I eat, how I look, everyone agree that I “look good” but I don’t feel like it, I always feel like the uglier in the room no matter where I go.
But underneath all of that, there’s something else I’ve only recently started acknowledging: I hate looking Colombian.
I hate my hair texture, my eyes, my eyebrows, my body frame, and my skin colour. I hate the features that make people associate me with being Colombian. I don’t necessarily look stereotypically Spanish, even though I could probably pass as Spanish, and people sometimes notice that I look mixed or assume I have a different background. Whenever that happens, I become painfully aware of my appearance and feel insecure about the fact that I don’t look the way I wish I did.
I’ve also noticed how reluctant I am to identify myself as Colombian. When someone asks where I’m from, I automatically say I’m Spanish. If they ask further, I explain that my mother is Spanish and my father is Colombian, even though neither of my parents is ethnically Spanish. I was born and raised in Spain, so Spanish is genuinely part of my identity, but I realise that I use that identity to distance myself from my Colombian background. I rarely say outright that I’m Colombian.
The part I find most difficult to admit is that I wish I looked different. I wish I looked more Spanish, or even Swedish. I hate feeling like my appearance reveals an ethnicity I don’t want people to associate me with. I know how terrible that sounds, but these feelings are real, and I don’t know what to do with them.
My shame isn’t limited to physical appearance, either. I’ve never felt particularly connected to Latino culture. I don’t enjoy Latino music, I don’t particularly like Latino food, and I don’t feel that I belong to the culture associated with my ancestry. I also strongly dislike many aspects of my family, their attitudes, and their way of thinking. Growing up around people who considered physically abusing children an acceptable way to teach them or that so many misogynistic attitudes are acceptable has left me with a lot of resentment. I struggle with the ignorance and behaviours I see in my family, including their way of thinking, acting, their parties, music, and other aspects of their lifestyle.
I understand that my family doesn’t represent all Colombians or all Latin Americans. I know that an entire ethnicity cannot be defined by the people I grew up around. But emotionally, I find it difficult to separate my Colombian identity from the experiences that made me so unhappy. Somehow, the shame and resentment I feel towards my childhood have become entangled with the way I feel about my own ethnicity.
I think that’s what hurts the most. I didn’t choose my ethnicity, my physical features, or the family I was born into, but I feel ashamed of all these things as though they’re personal flaws. I know rationally that there’s nothing inherently wrong with being Colombian, but that knowledge hasn’t changed how I feel when I look at myself or when someone points out the features that connect me to my background.
Sometimes I even think about my future and wonder how much this will continue to affect me. If my boyfriend and I ever get married, I’m not sure I would want my family there.
What confuses me is that I’ve already managed to change so much about my life. I left an abusive and dysfunctional environment, moved to another country alone at 18, learned a new language, got into university, and built a life that makes me happier than I’ve ever been. Yet I still carry this deep hatred towards myself, and a significant part of it seems to be directed at something I can never change.
I’ve tried talking to psychologists about these feelings, but I’ve never felt that I received an answer or guidance.
I don’t want to spend my life wishing I had a different face, different features, different bone structure, or a different background.

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced something similar or has any advice on how to work through this.

I feel so hopeless right now. I feel like i was tricked. I been studying a career on computer science now for 3 years ago and now it feels so useless. I can not believe that AI is so fucking good right now it is crazy. I dont see any possible future where my degree is useful. I cannot study anymore because when i realize how hopeless it is i stop and feel depressed. I feel like i wasted my youth. I am so jealous seeing how other people can just study and not have to worry about the future and have a normal degree. And the worst part is that i dont think that computer science is unique in this. I feel like most degree will start to become useless. The future feels so bleak for mankind i really dont know what to do with my life. I miss so much when ai was dumb. I also hate when i talk to someone with this and they say something like "but someone has to control the ai". Even then do you not think the jobs will be reduced a lot? already it started to shrink and ai has become better and better. Even just a few month ago Ai was still very bad at programming and needed a lot fo human intervention but now it is so fucking crazy what it is able to do man.

It’s really all in the title. I’m 26, have never been physically intimate, and am just kind of stumped. I have a fat fetish, but when combined with being otherwise asexual and not interested in intercourse, connecting with others intimately is hard. I have great friends, so no issues there. I’m fairly attractive, and get asked out by people when I go out. But I’ve kind of just given up. I’m part of the 1% of people who aren’t into sex at all, and yet my precursor to attraction is a taboo fetish, which is another small community with limited overlap. I’ve tried some communities and even met up with a couple people(I tend to get a lot of attention, especially when showing myself), but the folks on fetish sites are (understandably) primarily looking for sexual interactions. Quite a few went in with hopes of “cracking my shell”, and disregard my boundaries in the process, which just feels violating.

It’s isolating, to be honest. Those who know me wonder why I’m single because I get along with people and get attention, but I can’t help that my interests are so specific. Whenever people ask me out, I don’t bother getting my hopes up, and try to gently let them down.

I (M29) just need to vent a bit.

She was the first person I was truly in love with. We were friends for about 7 years before we became a couple, and then dated for 2 years. We were horrible for each other. We were young and both had a lot of baggage we were ill-equipped to handle. Things ended very badly between us.

But I did love her. I loved her a lot. She was my first true love, and I haven't forgotten. I haven't been in a serious relationship since her. Even though we haven't spoken in years, I think a part of me still feels love for her, even though I'm not in love with her anymore. Things ended pretty badly, with both sides either doing something bad or saying something bad to the other, and I said some terrible stuff to her. I sent her a message a year ago after not having talked for about 5 years, apologizing for the horrible stuff that I said, but I never received a reply, even though she saw the message.

Found out today through a friend that had bumped into her that she's pregnant with her first child. I don't know why, but it made me feel something. What if we never broke up. What if I didn't say those horrible things. Could that have been me? Could it have been me waiting to welcome my first child into this world? Could we have made it work? A lot of what ifs have been going through my head for the last few hours.

I don't really think I'm sad or angry. Hearing it just tore at something in me. Maybe scars that weren't as healed as I believed they were. I truly wish her the best and I hope that she makes it work. I just really hate how things ended between us, and that so many things were left unsaid.

Due to my past (abuse/various other) i have social anxiety at 31.. I have a stable job and regularly (is supposed to be regualr) have presentations.

Everytime I present, my mind goes blank i have heart palpitations and dissociate.

I am taking the steps to get better, exposure therapy in small doses and a therapist but I feel like sometimes people may think I am faking it, or judging me for it.

I feel like I yo-yo between thinking It is ridiculous and telling myself to get a grip and being kind to myself.

Soooo back on this account for a different thing I have never shared : I exposed a cheater to his girlfriend, resulting in their breakup.

A few years back, I was on a dating app and I came across a profile of a guy who seemed totally my type. We end up matching and he asked me out for drinks near his. Went great.

He invited me to his place after. I was hoping to cuddle and maybe cozy up to him as I was having a lot of fun. Whilst at his house however, I noticed something strange. A pink contact lens case in his bathroom.

However, I mentioned jokingly right before about how I hate wearing lenses ( it was getting late and my eyes were feeling dry!) and he mentions hes never worn them but it must be rough.

At that point, I felt something shift in me. You have a pink contact lens case in your bathroom but you've.. never worn contacts? The fuck are these here? I didn't say anything but I felt a bit suspicious ( its his own place!)

Anyway, as it got late I had to be up early the next day so I was on my way, he offered to grab my shoes and as the shoe rack dropped, I saw a pair of shoes that did not look his size at ALL! Some white Af1s.

From there I will keep it short : I stalked his instagram a bit and found a tag which led me to *drumroll please*

His girlfriend.

Not just that - HIS GIRLFRIEND OF TWO YEARS . He said he'd been single a long time and yet here he was on her highlights 6 weeks ago. Literally what the fuck. Anyway, after I knew it, I blocked him. I made a fake account and dmd her everything which screenshots of his profile. She began instagram calling me and spamming but I didnt open the messages as I felt too scared to answer. I saw all their travel pics in Dubai and anniversaries and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Some time after, I checked on her page and saw he was gone from her highlights. I felt good. I mean, it must have hurt yes, but she clearly deserved better than that. Like your boyfriend is lying that he is single on dating apps, what the fuck?!

I don't believe he ever knew it was me as I purposely texted her in a different way. But whatever, it isnt my issue. I'm just glad I caught on. I would have felt awful sleeping with someone elses boyfriend.

i can’t get up ever. i’m just in bed right now. i only function on the days i work. and after work im exhausted. i hate my days off because i can’t ever do anything. i’m just stuck waiting for relief that never comes. i’m exhausted by nothing. i haven’t been able to sleep because i have nightmares constantly. i don’t remember them when i wake up usually but it’s the kind of restless sleep that gets nowhere. and the nightmares never stop. when i remember them they’re disgusting. they’re gruesome and foul and worse than anything stephen king could ever write. the kind of shit that you don’t want to put on paper because it makes you nauseous. i couldn’t repeat what i’ve dreamt about but i think about it all the time.

i’ve been having bad derealization symptoms. i love being outside but lately it looks like a movie. like the world stops at the tree line. the shadows aren’t real. the sunlight is from a studio light. the birds aren’t out. walnuts drop from the trees on a cue. the trees and leaves and grasses are all plastic and two dimensional and the wind is stale. it makes me not want to be outside anymore.

i want to move past everything but all i can ever see is the trauma. all i can ever remember is how my mom treated me. how she still treats me. im so angry with all of it. i never wanted to be this hard. i’m so exhausted and so fucking scared. i feel like a cat trapped in a tiny room. or a little rabid baby dog. i’m so scared it’s all i know. fear is all i know.

god forbid someone slams a door within a mile vicinity. if i hear it, if my body feels it, i literally freeze in fear ever single time. i immediately disassociate and i literally cannot move. i thought stopping alcohol and pot would help but it hasn’t. it’s just another font of the same fears. i refuse to go on medication because of what it did to my mother. what she did to me because of it.

the worst part of all of it is seeing my friends mothers die. my first boyfriends mom died when we were together and i detested her. don’t get me wrong. i’m glad she’s dead, she was terribly abusive too. but i wished it was my mom too. my coworkers mom is in the hospital because she just had a stroke. she’s a kind lady and my coworker loves her to death. i wish she could trade places with my mom. my uncle got cancer. i wish it was my mom.

how do i stop feeling so stuck and so exhausted.

I'm done with Streaming platforms and going full pirate.

Get ready for the shallowest vent ever. I (and everyone else here) have bigger problems than this, but here goes:

I officially hate streaming platforms. I wanted to rewatch Breaking Bad because it's the most amazing show ever, and I saw that it's available on Prime Video. "Awesome, I have prime video!" I thought. I looked for it and it's behind a 2€ paywall PER EPISODE!!!

Why the f\*\*\* am I even paying for streaming platforms nowadays?? They are all so expensive and, more and more, demand extra payments so you can watch their content! I'm done.

I try to do the "right" thing and pay for the content I consume, because my wife works with similar products and she is affected everytime someone cheats and doesn't pay what she deserves. But I'm done... I'm going full pirate and I'm not ashamed of it! At this point, I'm up for doing everything I can to sabotage this industry...

Thank you for reading!

this only happened like an hour ago and my brain is all over the place so please excuse the messy writing.

i was driving to a store with my bf and i saw a girl standing on the wrong side of the railing and not holding on. i told my bf to stop the car and i immediately jumped out to try to speak to her. i tried to get close enough to have a conversation but not too close that i would spook her. i started asking if she was okay and some girl walked up to me and told me to leave the girl alone and go away ! i moved back a little thinking that i was too close and this girl knew her and she didn’t. so i didn’t leave and i continued to try to talk to this girl and give her comfort while trying to keep her focused on me and in the moment. she kept saying she was fine and i could go but i refused and kept telling her that i was here for her and i didn’t want her to fall. another couple arrived and tried to speak to her too and make sure she was okay and they were super sweet. after a while of trying to make a conversation with her she reached her hand out to me and asked for my name. i asked if i could hold her hand and she said yes and then i told her my name as asked for hers. i spoke to her about my own struggles and how just a year ago i was in the exact same situation as her and how life gets so much better and trying to offer my empathy and support. she opened up to me a little but was actively leaning back and had her toes on the edge of the bridge. i refused to let her go and held on with all the strength i had while i did everything in my power to show her that i cared and other people care and things can get better. the police got called and they eventually arrived and my bf and another guy jumped in to grab her and stop her from jumping when she say the police. they helped her down and took her back to their car to talk to her and keep her safe. but all i can think about is if i said the right things ? what if she had fallen while holding my hand ? i’m 5’2 and 90lbs and not very strong. what if i hadn’t gotten there before that rude girl who told me to just leave her be ? i’m still shaking now just thinking about it. but at the end of the day im just so glad we were able to save her life and show her at least a little bit of compassion and love. i just needed to get this off my chest and write it down somewhere. thank you for reading.

i’m in my early twenties and honestly, i don’t have a bad life at all. i’m pretty independent, i love traveling, i’ve gotten to see some incredible places, and there’s a lot i’m looking forward to in life. i’ve come a long way from who i used to be and i’m proud of that.

but holy shit, i’ve been feeling lonely lately.

i don’t really have much of a social life outside of work. i get along great with my coworkers, and sometimes i’ll literally stop by on my days off just to hang out with them. i know that probably sounds a little weird, but i genuinely enjoy being around people and sometimes that’s really the only opportunity i have to socialize.

i don’t have a close group of friends to make plans with. nobody’s really hitting me up asking if i wanna go out or do something. most of the time it’s just work, home, and figuring out what to do with myself until i have to go back.

and it sucks because i’m actually a pretty social person. i love meeting people, going out, doing spontaneous shit, all of that. i’m not someone who enjoys sitting at home alone all the time. i just don’t have many people to do things with.

i think some of this goes back to my childhood too. i was overweight growing up and got bullied quite a bit. i spent a lot of those years feeling like i didn’t fit in, and i think it messed with me more than i realized.

i’ve lost weight since then, become way more confident, and i actually like who i am now. but i still catch myself wondering whether people genuinely like me or if they’re just being nice. i worry about bothering people, and when someone makes me feel wanted, i tend to get attached pretty quickly.

anyway, i recently got back from a trip to the middle east, and honestly had an amazing time.

while i was in lebanon, i met this girl in beieut.

she was genuinely one of the most beautiful girls i’ve ever seen, and i really enjoyed being around her. i started looking forward to seeing her, thinking about her when i wasn’t with her, all that stuff. i don’t know, i just really liked her.

then my trip ended and i had to come home.

and man, it’s been rough.

i’m back in the states now, thousands of miles away, and i still think about her constantly. i keep thinking about the time we spent together, wondering what would’ve happened if we lived closer, or if i’d had more time there.

but lately i’ve been questioning something.

am i this hung up on her because i liked her that much, or because i’m just really fucking lonely?

and i think it’s probably both.

i’ve been in relationships before, so it’s not like i’ve never experienced love or affection. but i really miss having someone. having someone to talk to about random shit throughout the day, someone to spend time with, someone who’s excited to see you.

and meeting her reminded me of how much i’ve been missing that.

i don’t want to make it sound like my feelings for her weren’t genuine, because they absolutely were. i still think she’s an amazing girl and i’d love to see her again someday.

but i also can’t ignore how much this whole situation has made me think about my life back home.

it’s honestly such a weird contrast. one week i’m in beirut, going out, meeting people, having the time of my life, and the next i’m back home with barely anyone to hang out with.

i love traveling and i always will. but sometimes i wonder if part of why i enjoy it so much is because i get to escape how lonely my everyday life can be.

and that’s a pretty shitty thing to think about.

i’ve worked really hard on myself over the years. i’m not the insecure kid i used to be, and i’ve done things that younger me would’ve never imagined doing. i can literally get on a plane by myself and fly halfway across the world without thinking twice about it.

but somehow i still struggle with something as simple as having a solid group of friends.

and i think that’s what bothers me the most.

i’m not asking for some crazy social life. i don’t need to be going out every night or have a hundred friends. i’d just like to have a few people who actually want to spend time with me. people who reach out first sometimes, who invite me places, who think of me when i’m not around.

i’d like to fall in love again too. not just have some temporary connection that ends with me getting on a plane and wondering if i’ll ever see that person again.

i think growing up feeling unwanted definitely plays a part in how i handle all of this. but at the same time, it’s not like i’m just imagining my loneliness because of some childhood insecurity. i genuinely spend a lot of my time alone, and i don’t want to anymore.

i guess meeting that girl in beirut just made me realize how much i’ve been missing.

i really do have a lot going for me, and i’m excited about where my life is headed. i just wish i had more people to share it with.

i don’t know. i guess i just needed to get this out somewhere.

I need to start by saying that my uncle is a good guy. He’s kind, hardworking, and a sensitive man. That’s not my issue.

My uncle is divorced. His children are all grown and live elsewhere. One of them lives on the other side of the country. Recently his dog passed away, and that was really the only family he had left in his home. Now he comes home to an empty house and spends his time alone. His kids spend time with him, but they have their own lives.

This brings me to my parents. They’re getting divorced. Right now we’re still all living in the same house, but I know that will change sooner or later. I can’t bear the thought of them being alone. I’m slightly less worried about my mom. She’s a social person and has a lot of friends. I’m still worried for her, but she’s at least got that. My dad, on the other hand, doesn’t really have many friends as far as I know. His family lives out of state, and he spends most of his time here. Eventually he’s going to be living by himself with no one around. I know he’s capable of making friends and stuff, it’s just hard to think about.

Obviously, I intend to keep them company, even when I eventually move out. But I can’t be in two places at once, and I’ll have my own life. I wish I could have the security of knowing that they at least have each other, but now they don’t. I know their adults and as their child, it’s not my responsibility to see that they’re taken care of, at least not yet at their age, but still, the thought of them being alone breaks my heart and I don’t know what to do about that.

I'm 16F and I have a single mother who works incredibly hard for me. However, sometimes, in her efforts to do so much for my academics, she ends up making decisions that unintentionally put me at a disadvantage.

When we moved to another city, I remember being admitted to a school much later than everyone else. For some reason, I was also made to skip a grade. My mom spoke to the principal and negotiated a reduction in tuition fees, which was an advantage for her financially but ultimately a disadvantage for me academically. The school ruined the basics of my education properly. It wasn't nearly as good as it presented itself to be, and as I grew older, I began to realise just how disastrous its education system was. For example, they promoted a student in our class who failed every subject. He may have had special educational needs, and instead of recognising that he might need a different approach to learning, the school simply neglected him. It was an environment that failed to support its students properly.

During the online learning period, I became completely detached from my studies. All I did was play games and distract myself with other things, but I had no friends. My mom used to scold me frequently, saying she thought I was somehow showing off about having no friends. Eventually, I decided to make friends online through a classmate, and that's how I met my now best friend. In between, I became part of several friend groups and gradually grew more socially active. However, my mom eventually started scolding me for supposedly caring more about my friends than my own family. So, I tried to find a balance between my social life and my family, and now I have three close friends.

I've never really had a proper environment to study in. My books are scattered across different rooms, and I live in a joint family with my grandparents and uncle. I don't have a separate room to study in, and I share a bedroom with my mom. Whenever I try to study there, she starts scrolling through videos at a high volume. I've told her countless times that the noise distracts me, but I have to keep reminding her over and over again. Eventually, I started pulling all-nighters because those were the only times when everyone and everything around me was quiet. That didn't last long, though. Due to further family complications, I developed anxiety, which eventually caused my right hand to become completely numb. Thankfully, after receiving treatment, I regained movement in my hand, although I still have to be careful.

Later, my mom admitted me to a private institution whose owner was a mathematics teacher and a friend of my uncle. He had known me since I was young and was familiar with my mom, which led to another kind offer of reduced tuition fees. Once again, it was financially beneficial for my mom but ultimately disadvantageous for me. He discouraged my mom from allowing me to pursue certain things and influenced her opinions about my abilities to the point where I wasn't able to choose an entire subject because of him. The ironic part is that he barely teaches anyone in class, and even when he does, students struggle to understand him. It's his assistant who practically does all the work.

For a long time, I felt like the easiest way to escape everything was to stay socially active. I became obsessed with connecting with people through mutual friends and watching my follower count grow. Looking back, I realise that this was one of the reasons I neglected my studies. My mom tried to help by bringing me hundreds of notes and books from her colleagues' daughter, but honestly, none of that really helped. Everything in those materials was already solved, and by that point, I didn't have enough time to review everything properly. Instead, I ended up creating my own notes because I felt that was the only practical thing I could do. I had wasted so much time that it finally hit me: I had only two months left before my actual exams, and I had barely any time to prepare myself.

After the exams, I went back to my usual routine and continued being my usual, somewhat stupid self. However, as time passed, the reality of what I had done slowly began to sink in. I started thinking that I probably wouldn't get good grades, and the thought of facing my mom and the rest of my family became overwhelming. So, when the results finally came out, what else could I expect? Everyone was disappointed.

I think I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I wanted to disappear. I even had thoughts of hurting myself or running away, not simply because of my grades, but because I couldn't bear to see the disappointment on everyone's faces. That was what hurt the most.

Eventually, my family, including my mom, settled down and returned to normal. But I didn't. Everyone seemed to carry on as though nothing had happened. My mom went back to treating me lovingly, just as she had before, but something felt different. It didn't feel the same anymore. Whenever we argued or discussed my academic situation with a teacher, she would bring up my failure and remind me of it. Then, a few hours later or the next day, she would act as though nothing had happened. It was confusing and emotionally exhausting because, even when everything around me seemed to have returned to normal, I was still struggling with what had happened.

I know I failed. I know my own mistakes contributed to the outcome, too. I'm not trying to deny my responsibility or blame everyone else for what happened. But since receiving those results, I've been trying to improve gradually. I've been working on my studies, becoming more consistent, and trying to do better. I hate admitting this, but sometimes it feels as though my mom makes most of the decisions about my life for me rather than discussing them with me and allowing me to have a say.

Recently, she started talking about how I should begin earning money by tutoring students and doing design work. I agreed because I genuinely want to earn my own money. The second part of my exams will be over soon, and I was hoping to take a two-week break afterwards. I don't think it's unreasonable to want that. I genuinely feel as though both my mind and body have reached their limit. I'm exhausted in a way that's difficult to put into words, and I desperately wanted some time to rest and recover.

But that two-week break has already been taken away from me. My mom arranged for me to tutor someone without properly discussing the details with me beforehand. I had also spoken to my uncle about potentially working in his office in a design-related role after my two-week break. However, before I can even begin that, I'll have to tutor someone because their exams are approaching. That means I'll have to juggle tutoring in between my own exams, too.

I feel pressured, suffocated, and completely overwhelmed. Sometimes, I just want to get out of this house and go somewhere I can breathe without constantly feeling like there's something expected of me. There's always this lump in my throat, this constant feeling of discomfort that I can't seem to shake, and I genuinely don't know how to cope with it anymore.

I love my mom but I wish she understood me the way I want to be understood.

And honestly, I think the whole saying, "Grades don't define who you are," is bs. At least, that's how it feels to me right now.

Throwaway. Not a single soul around me knows I did it

Me and my boyf were together 2 years. However in the last 8, he went back to his country and we did long distance. He gradually got more distant over the months but I assumed it was his studies so I saved the money to go see him. I would excitedly tell him about how I'm waiting and I missed him so much.

For a month he warned me he had some exams and so he wouldnt reply to me much as he studied except that period passed and he was still replying slowly. I could see him liking posts and knew he was purposely thinking it was over. It was tricky to get hold of him and I got that sinking chest feeling... I had been neglected and ignored for months by him just apologising that he is too busy when he DID reply and mentally I began to feel it was over. But I just kept clinging on for lord knows what reason :/

Then I got it. The dreaded paragraph breakup. I cried and spammed calling him. I loved him so much. Why did he put me through so much pain of neglecting me and then my only time hearing from him was this message? He said he was sorry to let me down but the distance was just too much for him ( even though he was the one who insisted on it) :(( I felt like a wreck.

That same day, I had a flight to catch internationally for a team meeting. There would be other teams too. I was so close to pulling out but I had to go. I knew it would distract me.

I got friendly with a colleague not long back so had his contact. I texted him saying something had happened and I felt depressed. He offered to eat together that evening and so we did once I got on my way there.

Then I pleaded I didnt want to be alone and I was having a rough time, he offered me to sit with him in his room and he'll order us dessert.

I lay on his bed and he came and sat next to me. It gradually got later and we ate together and spoke and joked some. I started getting sleepy and I put my hand on his arm and asked if I could stay. I missed being around a guy. He initially looked kind of worried asking if I was sure about asking that but I said its fine and he doesnt want me there then no worries. He said its fine and I can sleep on the other side of the bed. I hadnt been around someone in 8 months. And it had been months since my boyfriend sounded like he cared about me at all. I guess thats why I was like this. Ive jever done this before

I made a move and put my arm on him while he faced the other way. He doesnt do anything. Then, suddenly he turns around and pulls me to him. And he cuddled me. I felt so warm and good. It was nice feeling seen. At that point it had been so long.

After a while I turned and I pressed up on him. I wont give details but I ended up going down and we did things that night. I didnt once think of my ex. When I woke up, I actually felt less sad. It was a good distraction for me at the time. Ive never done it again since, so I guess its my secret. .

It helped me forget my sadness. I dont regret it one bit

So i wasnt able to tell anyone this out of fear of it getting out but i just love to pity myself and everytime someone goes through something hard in my head i just treat it as a competition and im like i had it worse and ik its wrong but i cant stop for reference when i qas little my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was/still is esotheric ive basically forgot most things before 5th grade and i only remember the traumatic things i used to get whipped both by a whip for ponnies small punishment and for big horses big punishement so everytime anyonr complains in my head im like ur such a bitch for complaining and i want to change i want to open up but i feel like the only way im able to do that is when get really drunk and i just regret telling anyone about things later last year i completly broke down and discovered that i cant go on like this but its so hard to change since its something ive always done just dismissing problems since ive been through worse any experience? :P

I’m a girl, and I’m pretty like a girl is, I’m not being egotistical, that’s just a fact, I’m not winning any awards, but I’m slim, have decent proportions, and have been flirted with online and off by people who’ve seen me but don’t know me, and I hate it. I hate how I look in dresses even though I arguably look good, I hate my body even though I know it’s decent, I wish I was a man. I want to be beautiful in a man way, I dress slobbishly as a woman because it’s the only way I can seem masculine. When I try to wear suits I just look like a child playing dress up, or a woman in a pantsuit, everyone says I’m wasting my youth being a tomboy, I wish I could enjoy my youth by being a boy, but I’m a girl. Part of me wishes I could just be satisfied with that, it’s selfish that I can’t be, I’m a woman, so is half the population, I should be satisfied with that

I have realised that my dad isn't a good parent either.

It's really painful to write this, because I do love him. But I've realised that my dad is not a good parent, I just never noticed because my mum is just flat-out abusive. (She has done some absolutely wild shit, but that's too long to get into.)

My mum's abuse made my father leave. But he didn't just leave her, he fully abandoned us too. I was sixteen when he left for a different continent. He just disappeared out of our lives. He didn't call, he didn't text. He was just gone. (An email for birthdays an Christmas)

After he left my mum's abuse definitely got worse (I don't think he realised this would happen). But it left me on my own at sixteen. I was just eighteen when she kicked me out of the house. I don't even think my dad knew.

I didn't have the money to fly out to see him, I had a hard enough time paying rent and food on minimum wage. He didn't fly out to see me.

I'm 35 now, and I've seen him six times since then. I'll call him a few times a month, but he never really calls me. I know he loves me, but he's not really my parent. I don't have any parents.

That's it, just a bit sad.

My apartment burned down

I was at work. Didn’t even know what was happening until it was too late. The unit NEXT DOOR to mine is where the fire started so mine was one of the worst ones to be hit… Just absolutely engulfed in flames. The worst part is nobody can tell me anything conclusive… how soon did the windows and doors get smashed in??? Did anybody see my cats jump out the window??? Did the smoke hit them before the windows got broken? Did they go to sleep from the carbon monoxide and die peacefully or did they somehow escape? I don’t know I have no answers from anybody.

But it’s not looking good. I keep having nightmares about them burning alive. I’ve tried everything to find them in case they did escape. I posted flyers everywhere, gave their photos to the local animal shelters, posted in local facebook lost and found pet groups, posted on next door, asked all the neighbors in the surrounding area to keep an eye out on their ring cameras, I’ve been putting out cat traps with my clothes every single night… management won’t let anybody inside the building because it’s so damaged and structurally unsound it’s dangerous to go in there, it’s all fenced off and there’s a security guard or I would’ve tried to get in somehow anyway… my unit was so bad the firefighters couldn’t even go inside to check for bodies so I could at least have some confirmation, closure, so I could stop getting my hopes up and stop looking and start grieving… it’s been a week and nobody has seen them.

Other people have found their pets. The unit next to mine where the fire started… she only got some of her dogs out (she had NINE wtf?!?) the dad dog and two puppies made it out but mom dog and the rest of her puppies didn’t make it out so I’m thinking if that was right next door, it’s probably most likely that my own cats didn’t make it… but if I give up hope and stop looking I feel like I’m a horrible person and feel so guilty for giving up on them. I even tried to hire a drone service that turned out to be a scam… so then I found a legitimate one and they said the structural damage was so bad probably couldn’t even navigate a drone inside there so that was a bust.

I’m just so mad. The fire dept doesn’t even know officially what started the fire because the unit is so unsafe they couldn’t go in. The woman next door said it was electrical and an outlet next to her mattress sparked and lit the mattress on fire but I just don’t believe her. That’s just the story she’s telling everybody but we have no official way of knowing. My apartment manager doesn’t believe it either. I just hate her, I blame her completely for killing my cats, I want to rip her to pieces. I don’t even care about all the stuff I lost I just want my cats back.

I wish I could’ve saved them. I wish I could kick her ass. I hope they are still out there somewhere but it’s not looking good. I feel guilty for not doing more. Im exhausted from keeping my hopes up and getting disappointed and getting my hopes up and getting disappointed over and over and over again and I feel like giving up but if I give up then I’m a horrible person for quitting on my cats but it’s just killing me. I love them so much. I took in momma cat off the street and didn’t know she was pregnant and she gave birth to my other cat and I kept her, had her since the day she was born, I was so attached to these cats, they were my whole world.

Anyway, I needed somewhere to put all this so thanks for letting me vent.

I feel like everyone's supposed to be against it. I'm not discounting any serious problems anyone else has run into, but personally, I've never had any issues.

Yes, the premiums are higher than I'd like them to be. However:

1. I've never been denied any necessary medical treatment. This includes going to specialists "just to be sure."
2. I can easily find a medical professional, including a specialist, and they will see me within two weeks. The only time I had to book months in advance was when I needed to see someone who was literally the world's best specialist.
3. They even approved a new medical device that replaces deviated septum surgery. The surgery is an invasive and painful face operation under full anesthesia and a 3-6 month recovery period. The device required an hour of discomfort at the clinic, local anesthesia, and 3 weeks of recovery. My ENT just had to call them and ask.
4. As long as I go in-network the fees/copays are small
5. Every medication I've been prescribed has always been approved, and it usually costs like $2 at the pharmacy.

Caveat that I've luckily not had any major, life-altering medical issues such as cancer or a major injury, but I've used it extensively for small to medium issues like the above for many years now.

To be clear, I'm not expressing a political opinion or advocating for a position, just sharing my experience.

My mom and my family's been going through a lot recently. She's 39F and I live with my stepdad who's 41M, and he's not really married to her. They've been together for as far as I'm aware, a year now. I've been living in this house as he also moved in with us, and we've moved in and stayed for more than a year now. Recently, my grandpa who wasn't really as close to our family, died at 77, around a month and a little more ago. And my stubborn grandmother who's around 75F has dementia and is struggling to take her diabetes medication. And this stubbornness has been going on for so many years now since I was still very young. My mom yells at her a lot and argues always with her as her money is also always wasted on her maintenance, and recently from all the expenses her savings are drained. This thing of her starting to talk about "killing herself" was mentioned as far as when I was around ten or maybe even younger, I was aware she was already starting to experience so many issues when she was pregnant with me, and considering I was an accident. But she kept me anyway and she got through "hell" as she describes it to me during her academic years. I'm still active with my real father and she's comfortable with me seeing him, because they just broke up over, and just weren't compatible. Going back to the main point, she keeps bring it up more often, but she still continues to laugh and talk casually with me, which is a little unsettling for me and I don't know if it's that serious or not. I'm 14M and an only child, and I also don't want to surround myself in this kind of energy either, but my mother and my stepdad are really the ones I have to rely on financially. My stepdad on the other hand is a pretty casual guy and you can rely on him. She and my stepdad are both trying to have kids through IVF too and they're planning on it. And I don't really have anyone to rely on because I don't trust anyone or have any friends at all. And I haven't really bothered calling or reaching out to anyone since I grew up with a few stigmas that just stuck too. For me, my mom has always been seemingly pretty strong but just really emotional, and to this day I still don't know if I should reach out to her or not, since I'm not really an emotional and a person open to that kind of thing. I don't know how to be a son to her, and I don't feel a strong connection to her either, or anyone really.

My mom and my family's been going through a lot recently. She's 39F and I live with my stepdad who's 41M, and he's not really married to her. They've been together for as far as I'm aware, a year now. I've been living in this house as he also moved in with us, and we've moved in and stayed for more than a year now. Recently, my grandpa who wasn't really as close to our family, died at 77, around a month and a little more ago. And my stubborn grandmother who's around 75F has dementia and is struggling to take her diabetes medication. And this stubbornness has been going on for so many years now since I was still very young. My mom yells at her a lot and argues always with her as her money is also always wasted on her maintenance, and recently from all the expenses her savings are drained. This thing of her starting to talk about "killing herself" was mentioned as far as when I was around ten or maybe even younger, I was aware she was already starting to experience so many issues when she was pregnant with me, and considering I was an accident. But she kept me anyway and she got through "hell" as she describes it to me during her academic years. I'm still active with my real father and she's comfortable with me seeing him, because they just broke up over, and just weren't compatible. Going back to the main point, she keeps bring it up more often, but she still continues to laugh and talk casually with me, which is a little unsettling for me and I don't know if it's that serious or not. I'm 14M and an only child, and I also don't want to surround myself in this kind of energy either, but my mother and my stepdad are really the ones I have to rely on financially. My stepdad on the other hand is a pretty casual guy and you can rely on him. She and my stepdad are both trying to have kids through IVF too and they're planning on it. And I don't really have anyone to rely on because I don't trust anyone or have any friends at all. And I haven't really bothered calling or reaching out to anyone since I grew up with a few stigmas that just stuck too. For me, my mom has always been seemingly pretty strong but just really emotional, and to this day I still don't know if I should reach out to her or not, since I'm not really an emotional and a person open to that kind of thing. I don't know how to be a son to her, and I don't feel a strong connection to her either, or anyone really.

Hi! I never dared to say it to anyone but i think about it sometimes and i still cringe when it crosses my mind. It was two years ago.

In the story there was me (19F) and my best friend (18F), and my ex (19M) and his best friend (18M). My ex's best friend is Leo and my best friend is Jessica.

We were all in a friendgroup together for many years in school. My ex, when we we're together introduced me and Jessica to friends(Leo and others) and that's how we became all a friend group. We were really connected.
But one day, little by little, my ex started changing a lot, i would say that he became kind of an incel and started hanging out around incels. So he would still hang out with us a bit. That's where we started to argue a lot. And finally, he broke up with me by text. I was devastated because he had a lot of importance for me.

In the months after the break up, i was still trying to "get back" my ex with weird strategies. My best friend, Jessica, started to get feelings for Leo, my ex's best friend. So we were trying to gauge whether he liked her or not.
Me and Leo were in a painting class together, so i decided to try to make him admit he had a crush on my best friend subconsciously. Because of that, i talked to him wayy more than before. That's were the messy shit starts.

I didn't want to admit it, because i still thought i wanted my ex back and because my friend had a crush on him, but i think i started to develop feelings. I've known him since we were kid, he was sassy back then and we were a bit of enemies, but i think looking back i was always a little interested in him. In the painting class looking back, there were definitely questionable moments (long eye contacts, flirty conversations and he was a bit touchy). But i was a bit delusional and i ignored it, saying to myself that it was nothing.

But, something happened. At the end of the school year, my best friend chose to confess to Leo, and i encouraged her. When she confessed, the first thing he said was "And (Me) too..?" It was so disrespectful and we choosed to avoid him for the foreseeable future. We both eventually moved on and jokes about it a lot of times. But here's the thing: i never said it to her and even swore i wasn't in love with him.

Looking back on it, i wasn't "in love" it was more of a rebound that i was ashamed of. But i still feel ashamed and guilty today.

I am studying materials science and I’ve fought hard to stay afloat this whole time. I never had family support like some other people, so I financed everything myself with a student job. Now, I only have two exams and three months left until graduation.

Then shit happened: My employer went bankrupt. The money completely stopped. I’ve been applying for new jobs everywhere, but I only get rejections because obviously nobody wants to hire a student for just three short months. My landlord has been lenient so far and is letting me pay rent later, but that won't last forever, and I am literally running out of money for food. On top of that, my car just broke down and needs $2k in repairs just to run. I have always relied on the car to get to work and university, so I am completely stuck now. To make matters worse, my tuition fees are due in a few weeks and I have absolutely nothing. In my country, you only get social benefits if you are not enroled in university.

I am so sick of this. You work hard, achieve so much entirely on your own, and then two shitty months are enough to destroy everything. I am going to drop out and apply for welfare. I just can't deal with this endless struggle anymore. I guess I'm just one of those people who aren't allowed to have any luck.