r/Millennials • u/Elegant_Director_305 • 1d ago
Meme “This is fine for a starter place” - your retiree-age parent referring to the house you bought after ten years saving, which is already in negative equity because of global events. You are 40.
How’s everyone doing who finally crossed the line in the last 2-3 years to buy a house, literally any house you could afford, in any suburb, anywhere, after being told that it doesn’t matter what you pay because prices always go up and you can always move and make a profit?
So this is the winner’s circle huh.
EDIT: Once again I have to point out that this is a post made by someone who does not live in the USA. Apparently you have to state this because otherwise people just assume you are an American, and cannot use their mental faculties to read something, go “hmm, this is not my exact experience - perhaps they live in another country” and just roll with the overall conversation. I apologize for making the Americans reading this be forced to remember that other countries exist. I know it frightens you.
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u/elevencharles 1d ago
I bought my first house last year at the age of 41. My parents came to visit and I was discussing improvements I want to make with my dad. He said something about not investing too much money into your first house. I had to explain to him that this is likely the first and last house I’ll ever own.
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u/red_raconteur 1d ago
Our house is pretty small and starting to burst at the seams with our two kids. My FIL has asked a few times when we're going to upgrade to a bigger house. Sir, with what money? Are you offering??
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
“Don’t you just get more money somehow? That’s how it’s always worked for me”
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u/holyfuckbuckets 1d ago
My mom told me I should ask my boss for a raise lmao.
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u/CaptainCook1989 1d ago
What’s insane is they did just that and it worked (back in the day).
They cannot comprehend how it doesn’t work that way anymore
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u/MaterialWillingness2 1d ago
Is this a real quote a real person said to you??
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u/FourHundredRabbits 1d ago
"why can't people just save $1k a month like I did when I was younger?" -my boomer uncle
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u/Gorp_Farts 1d ago
In a condo with 2 kids and a dog. This was our starter 16 years ago. Should have bought a real house 8 years ago. We own the place as in no mortgage left on it. But we got priced out our area when that covid boom hit.
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u/BonzoTheBoss Millennial 1d ago
Yep. Bought our current town-house as a "starter" nearly 14 years ago (and even then, only with a loan from the FIL.)
Nearly paid off the mortgage and would love to have another child but we simply don't have the space, and everywhere else is so over-priced that I'm pretty sure this is where I'm going to die...
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u/kitsplut 1d ago
DINKs with a two bed two bath split-entry townhouse that we bought seventeen years ago and are lucky to have paid off. It's... okay and conveniently located but was not supposed to be the forever home. I wasn't looking for a McMansion but would have liked private outdoor space, a real laundry room instead of a closet, and a guest bedroom (none of our friends or family are local). But taxes and insurance are insane even on this, we're both middle-aged neurodivergents in AI-threatened industries, and I think we need to stay put and be glad we got anything when we did.
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u/nulla-nomen-eius 1d ago
How smokes, I'm legit jealous of all of you who have no mortgage. That is fantastic.
My 30 year will be paid off when I'm 70 -_-
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u/kitsplut 1d ago
we have been just so lucky in so many ways, and I'm grateful for that but also now terrified to fuck it up. I didn't intend for this to be the forever city either, and I don't love my career field...but have a stable job with good benefits so guess I'm just gonna grit teeth and be glad I can eat.
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u/Sandgrease 1d ago edited 1d ago
Same exact position. I hate living under an HOA and with shared walls but I'm stuck.
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u/IndigoRanger 1d ago
It can always be worse! I had my condo with an HOA and shared walls for 7 years, almost paid off, and had to move back into an apartment in hideously overpriced Boston. Pretty sure I won’t ever be able to buy another home, even a condo.
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u/Gorp_Farts 1d ago
As things go our HOA/maintenance fee have gone up and up and up... but I've always used that number to reflect what kind of taxes we could easily absorb too. But unless I suddenly start making close to 100k we are stuck.
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u/emmers28 1d ago
Literally our situation too!! 2 kids + a dog + needing home offices means our 3 bed/2 bath 1950s home is filled to the brim. Our parents ask all the time when we’re moving… we’ll definitely not until we’re done paying for daycare, but who knows what house prices/interest rates will be like then anyway!!
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u/thrownjunk 1d ago edited 1d ago
We embraced it. Honestly the materialism of moving up like boomers did that isnt great. We have a nice small upgraded place. My kids have friends on the block. The school and park are another block away.
We got lucky at work and could move ‘up’ to the richer suburb. But we decided to stay put. Sure the place is a bit small. We just donate stuff and dont hoard things like our parent. But it all is functional and works.
Plus we looked it up. A family of 6 lived in our house in 1930. Family of 4 is nothing.
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u/Snoo-93310 1d ago
We are also close to school/parks and in a tighter squeeze bungalow with our family of 5. We always say "We live in our neighbourhood. We just sleep and eat in our house."
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u/Zutsky 1d ago
My FIL is also the worst for these types of comments. We saved for over ten years and worked ourselves to burnout to buy our place a few years ago. He's always saying 'oh, when are you going to (insert name of very expensive building project)?' Like extend the drive, add an extension etc. We don't even have the issue with space, it's more just a weird expectation that you should always be working towards a bigger house.
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u/red_raconteur 1d ago
I finally had to tell my family to stop making suggestions about upgrading my kitchen. It's a small galley kitchen and a bigger one would be nicer, but it's fine. It's functional and I can cook in it. I made it pretty clear the first time someone brought it up that we do not have the money for a kitchen remodel and that's so far down our priority list that it's not even on the list. But they would bring it up constantly, to the point it got tiring. I do not want to talk about an imaginary dream kitchen, there are more interesting ways to spend our time.
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u/Andrea_la_viajera 1d ago
Oh, the kitchen! My mom was just making a comment last week that we should remodel our kitchen. And we have a pretty darn good one, but it’s not as optimal as it could be. They did theirs a couple years ago because that’s the sort of thing they can just afford. I told her we weren’t looking at spend $50k on a kitchen right now. She said it wouldn’t be $50k, but thankfully dad piped up that theirs was $60k. I don’t think she’ll be bringing it up again.
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u/Zutsky 1d ago
I noticed that that generation mainly just talk about home improvements all the time to each other. Like 90% of all conversations when I'm around my in laws are them just talking about what they'd like to have done to their houses, what they're planning to do etc. It's really tedious. I'm just thinking 'get a hobby' the whole time!
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u/DickieJohnson 1d ago
It would be perfect if they switched with you and took the smaller house. They get the house that fits two people nicely and you get the house that is big enough to raise children.
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u/red_raconteur 1d ago
Lol my husband has jokingly made that suggestion. My in laws travel a lot so we check in on their place when they're gone and my husband said there's a nice big house that would fit our family and it sits empty for half the year, maybe we could move into that one. They were not amused.
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u/DickieJohnson 1d ago
I understand that no one has to help anyone out in their lifetime and I'd thoroughly understand if no one was related in this instance. If family won't help then you really can't rely on anyone but yourselves.
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u/EnergeticTriangle 1d ago
I just bought a house and after giving my parents a tour, I said "And there's no stairs, so I can age in place and die in this house!" I'm 34 so of course they laughed but...seriously, I might die in this house.
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u/AUserFormerlyKnownAs 1988 1d ago
Anakin: I might die in this house Padme: haha of old age right? Anakin: Padme: right?
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u/nulla-nomen-eius 1d ago
I just bought a house and after giving my parents a tour, I said "And there's no stairs, so I can age in place and die in this house!" I'm 34 so of course they laughed but...seriously, I might die in this house.
My GF and I bought a house, it was a 1-story, a single bathroom so small you could wash your hands in the sink, turn on the tub, and lock the door knob, all while sitting on the toilet. It was an absolute wreck inside too, kitchen, bath, and bedrooms needed to be gutted, windows were falling out... I suspect most people with means would have torn it down at the price we got it, but we couldn't afford that, what we could afford was me spending 6 months of nights/weekends after my full-time job doing work and trying to manage a few sub-contractors.
Her Dad came over the day we closed, he hadn't seen the place. He's a good dude, and he's def. not a typical boomer he's a broke school teacher who gives anyone in need the shirt off his back, and has barely manage to afford to rent rooms his entire life... we're close so at that time I'm already calling him "dad"... anyway, he gets there, he walks/looks around at the place without saying a single word (super rare for him), and my GF and I had started puttering doing a few things, when I see he had walked out front door... I find him sitting on the front steps with his face in his hands.
I come out and I say "hey, you OK?" and he looks up at me with these sad eyes and says "What the fuck is this piece of shit?"
...and I was like "thanks dad"
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u/what3v3ruwantit2b 1d ago
We bought a house that we can live and die in. It's not a perfect ranch but you can get into it and have a whole bedroom/bathroom with no stairs. I'm never moving.
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u/Bernie004 1d ago
Omg they same happened to me. I spent 10 years saving and finally bought a small semi in a nice neighborhood and was so proud. My dad showed up and told me it's nice but the next home will be nicer and bigger. Excuse me!? I will never live anywhere else as everything is out of my price range.
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u/GrandEar1 1d ago
Man, you all have some shitty parents. Mine have lived in the same house for 50 years as have most people in their community. I bought my first home when prices were manageable in 2010. It was too big for 2 people and all we did was fill it with things we didn't need and didn't even use the upstairs. We mainly hung out in the basement bc it lead to the back porch and the yard. The one thing I learned from that home is that after a lifetime in the service industry, my knees were shot at 35. We moved out of state and into a new double wide on 4 acres of land. I'm sure superifcial people would see it as a downgrade, but we were able to pay cash for 40% of it with the sale of the house and it's one story, so my knees love it. I moved much closer to my parents than I was before, so even if they wanted to say something bitchy about it, I think they would hold it in. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, it will be our forever home.
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u/SapphireForestDragon Millennial 1d ago
I’d see that as an upgrade! As someone who has lived in a double wide on 5 acres and who had to move to the city afterward, I miss the quiet mornings in the country so much. Congrats! 💖
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u/19610taw3 1d ago
We have a doublewide on 1 acre of land. I think it's just perfect. Low taxes. Low mortgage.
My fiance likes it but wants a multi level house with a basement. We're pushing 40. In a few years, we're going to start having mobility issues eventually. Single story living will be nice.
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u/neofederalist 1d ago
it doesn’t matter what you pay because prices always go up and you can always move and make a profit
Reminds me a lot of how we were told 20 years ago that it doesn't matter how much debt we take on, or where we go, or what we study, college will guarantee a comfortable job on the other side
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u/DrSexsquatchEsq 1d ago
-Laughs bitterly in history degree-
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u/grape-fruit-witch 1d ago
- joins bitter laughter in mathematics degree -
I may as well have just studied philosophy like I originally wanted. The outcome would have been the same, salary-wise
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u/Rejectedrobot 1d ago
Giggles nervously in about to finish my math degree
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u/grape-fruit-witch 1d ago
Hey, at the end of the day you accomplished something very difficult and you should be proud of that whether the job market values it or not. Now you'll get to listen to people talk about how much they hate math every time you mention your degree lol. Yay calculus!
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u/jfd0957 Millennial 1d ago
Yeah... my parents said it was 'decent', after spitting out the Dave Ramsey 15 year, 25% of income BS.... and I explained that the rules 25 years ago when they bought their home aren't really the same.
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
Yeah getting tips from people who haven’t moved since like 1980 is pretty wild
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u/Turbulent_Seaweed198 1d ago
I feel incredibly lucky that my gen X parents were as thrilled shitty as I was to be able to just get a house on my own. Ramsey has some good ideas, but also a lot of stupid/invalid advice.
I told my grandma I was buying a small home for $300k and she responded by saying she paid $13k for her huge home. I complimented her that she looks great for being 209 years old and she had a good laugh, but come on!
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u/GloomChampion 1d ago
And Dave Ramsey is a dick.
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u/Educational_Land7852 1d ago
Dave Ramsey tells many of the callers into his show that they are stupid. You could see Ken Coleman physically cringe every time that happened.
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u/Worthyness 1d ago
Super easy for me- I dont have a million dollars and thats the fucking average price of a home similar to the one my parents bought. They then realized they bought their house for a mere 300k. Yeah if a house was that cheap I could afford one! Right now I need a 2nd person with my income level to buy a house and I cant even find one that id trust enough to do that with
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u/nulla-nomen-eius 1d ago
Dave Ramsey 15 year, 25% of income BS...
Yeah, it's absolute bullshit because it's designed for a time when incomes were rising and prices were stagnating because of high rates.
For last ~15 years if you've been saving to get more ideal conditions you've almost certainly be falling behind (with the exception of folks with high incomes and/or areas with low prices).
15 years ago when I was looking for my first house, hoping to find a fixer upper forever house, I found one I loved... in 2011 it sold for $390K and I left it pass because I only felt comfortable spending up to $325K... In 2014 it sold for $450K. In 2017 it sold for $560K. Today it would likely list for $950K.
My salary has doubled in the last 15 years -- but cost of living and rents have increased even more than that -- I almost certainly could have found a mortgage for $390K back in 2011 but I was so afraid I'd lose my job/income and then I'd lose the house and what money I had put into it....
...but I look back on that and think fuuuuuck if I had bought that place I'd be so golden right now, even if I were paying on schedule for a 30 year mortgage it would be peanuts by now.
I ended up waiting 8 years, buying in 2019 -- which was still a fine time to buy in hindsight, especially in terms of rates -- but I paid $500K for a worse house in a worse location.
If I had waited in 2019 until now I'd be even more screwed... my "worse house in a worse location" would almost certainly be asking $725K and my mortgage rate would be double.
Ramsey has spent the last 15+ years essentially telling people to stay in the quicksand and wait until they grow tall enough to step out.
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u/_Saint_Ajora_ 1d ago
I bought a crappy fixer upper 4 years ago with the idea/mindset of "this could be home forever if need be" as:
- It's 1 story, so no stairs for old me to have to go up and down
- very manageable mortgage payment each month
- 3 bedrooms, in case i ever end up having kids
- pretty close to my job, 16 mile drive each way (most of which is freeway/highway)
- most of the amenities i could really ever need, many of which are within a mile or two of my house (even more so if i expand out to 10 miles)
I've put a pretty fair bit of money into fixing it (new flooring, new windows, new gutters, repaint interior/exterior, bathroom and kitchen remodel) so If i sold it now i'd break even, maybe a tad bit of profit?
i bought it to live in not strictly as an investment. If it goes up a ton in the future, then great. If not then I wont worry about it.
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah that’s the mindset. I guess it just seems like classic Millennial Luck™️* for people in this generation to finally either be able to buy a place after diligent hard saving and/or getting something from aged parents dying, biting the bullet of waiting for the market to correct, waiting, waiting.. “okay fine, it’s not going to go down. Let’s buy”.. then for the global economy to go “lol sike!” at the same time as AI-related job uncertainty.
*may not contain luck.
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u/_Saint_Ajora_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
Part of the problem is that people want/focus on buying their perfect forever/dream home in their perfect/dream area for their first house rather than buying something that is pretty close, and then working towards making/creating their perfect home out of what they have/can afford.
The more/longer you wait for things to "balance out" is months/years of time and money that you're just throwing away on rent.
Also doesnt help that starter homes arent really being built. There are new houses being built about... 3-5 miles south of me and they are like 2000-2500 square feet and starting in the high 600 thousand range.
600k house isn't a starter house. that's a "been at my career a while (5-10+ years), numerous promotions and/or same for my spouse" house.
Needs to be more homes like mine being built or made available (1100 square feet)
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u/kendrickwasright 1d ago
In my area the 1100sqft homes are going for $900k. These homes were literally built after WWII as starter homes for the servicemen and their families. They were built as starter homes that cost $8k, but now they're "forever homes" "luxury homes" for our generation. Wild. At least they're well built and the neighborhood is well planned, but still
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u/Gorp_Farts 1d ago
Yup, every single new build is +650/k. Like the taxes alone per year are outrageous for something like that in my area.
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u/Lower_Orchid4982 1d ago
Condos are the new starter homes.
At least where I live they're usually in the 600-800 sq foot range and older ones are affordable on one good or two ok salaries.
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u/totally_legit_dingo 1d ago
"I bought it to live in not strictly as an investment."
God bless. Wouldn't life be better if everyone thought like that? I bought a home in 2018 after 10 years of saving. Now I literally can't afford to move because of ::gestures vaguely at everything::
Meanwhile, everything looks great on paper because I have $190k left on a home "worth $490k" but I'm barely keeping my head above water as my mortgage increased 30% on a fixed APR due to (mostly) insurance and (a little) property taxes.
I would be fine if my home was worth only 10-20k more than I purchased it for, instead of a fictious 200k.
What good does that money do me? Even if I can someday afford to sell, it will just go back to a downpayment so some boomer or some investor gets it eventually.
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u/_Saint_Ajora_ 1d ago
well, the other big problem is that there are literally tens if not hundreds of thousands of single family houses that are owned by wealthy people (foreign and domestic) and corporations/hedge funds and used as rentals or air bnb whatnot
It would help a lot of that was banned, as I feel that houses should be owned by the people that live in them. If they want to play investment games, they should have to do it with apartment complexes
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u/mensfrightsactivists 1d ago
b-b-but what about the profiiiiittttsssss 😭 won’t someone consider the wealthy 😭😭😭
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u/Gorp_Farts 1d ago
Sh!t, when an "affordable" place does pop up in my community someone with wealth scoops it up to turn into a rental. Like the greed is getting worse and worse.
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u/deMarcel 1d ago
Honestly, what else do you really need. Sounds good to me.
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u/_Saint_Ajora_ 1d ago
my girlfriend to move in with me and us to have some kids together
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u/SpecificReality247 1d ago
Have you tried giving her the wife upgrade? Usually helps with the kids part
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u/bonkdee 1d ago
We were repetitively mocked and given no help to buy home. Found sales job and made some ridiculous money, so we bought a really nice new SFH in a safe rich majority boomer area by ski resorts in Colorado (walk in shower kitchen island double oven roof deck 2 car garage) and when we showed our boomer parents they were so furious at our success and nicer house they stopped communication lmao!
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u/postludieum 1d ago
It’s because now “you think you’re better than everyone”, obviously lol My mom was cool with me when I lived in a dated, small house compared to her giant 5bd 3ba. But once I got a nicer car and a newer home, she’s here poking holes and looking up the previous owner’s names, telling me theories how my house must not be well maintained because the previous owners “have a shady background.”
They were snowbirds who passed away.
Our parents really can be our biggest haters.
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u/79moonssss 1d ago
Wouldn't you think parents would be happy if their kids did better than them in life?
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u/bonkdee 1d ago
Honestly stung super bad realizing they were rooting for us to fail the entire time. Refused to attend our wedding, refused to help get into housing, and then super pissed when we did it all ourselves and did it better.
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u/put_it_down_Bart 1d ago
They sound like abusive parents. They did you a favor going no contact all on their own. I bet they'll show back up in your life like roaches when they need something from you, but not for any other reason like genuine care or interest in how you're doing.
Congrats on your success and getting a really nice place! Definitely sounds like the work you put in was worth it!
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u/LonghornJct08 1d ago
This totally sounds like my parents. When I was in college, they kept telling the extended family that they were expecting me to screw up and flunk out. My parents were furious when first semester ended and an honour roll letter arrived in the mail. The first thing they did was tell me not to tell anyone at Christmas. That's when I realized they were seriously rooting for me to fail. I told everyone and my mother spent the whole family gathering hissing and spitting about how it was great I was on the honour roll, absolutely furious about being contradicted so badly on the whole failing out of college routine she and dad had been doing all fall.
It never got better. I barely deal with my parents anymore. As for my house, they trash talk it whenever they get the chance apparently and the odd time I've invited people in the extended family over, they've tried to spike it if they've heard about it ahead of time. It's unreal.
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u/AutumnMama 1d ago
I told everyone and my mother spent the whole family gathering hissing and spitting about how it was great I was on the honour roll
I'm sorry, I know it's actually horrible that your parents are like this, but it's hilarious to me that you forced her to pretend to be proud of you 😂
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u/Ok-General8138 1d ago
Not with boomers. It's like they kicked the ladder down behind them with malicious intent and get upset when younger people manage to succeed anyway because they like feeling superior in some way. The world does not hate boomers enough.
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u/MyCatToldMeNotTo 1d ago
You’d think that. My mom is the same way. When her children are doing well, she’s extremely catty and jealous. You’d think she’d be proud
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
Wow that’s lovely of them.
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u/79moonssss 1d ago
Some parents are the biggest haters omg. Deranged people I tell you. But I hope you live a beautiful life with your chosen family.
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u/Cuddle_Lingus 1d ago
My mom told everyone in my life that I bought “the perfect little starter house for just one person”. It was a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath house. Whole families (my age, of course) in my neighborhood live in the same floorplan/sized house. The expectations by them regarding home size is ridiculous.
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u/snoogins355 1d ago
We got a 2 bed 1 BR 1000sqft house expecting to stay in it for 4-5 years. Welp we're stuck here. Wish it had another bathroom and bedroom but that would have been another $100k
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u/JustJumpIt17 1d ago
I’m also stuck in a 2 bedroom 1 bath 1000sqft house, luckily it’s only me, my partner and our pet bunnies and thank GOD it’s a ranch with a huge ass basement for all of our DINK hobbies.
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u/grape-fruit-witch 1d ago
Lol. Perfect for "just one person" who wants three bedrooms to choose from! My dad is the same, he considers anything less than 2500 sq ft at absolute minimum to be obscenely small. But I kind of prefer being in smaller spaces, especially if it means I have access to a walkable neighborhood like my current situation.
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u/Katz3njamm3r 1d ago
Aw man you have a second bathroom??? I’m stuck in a three bedroom one bath 1300 sq ft “starter” home. We have that sweet sweet sub three rate so we’re here forever. The best I can do is save and try to find somewhere to put a second bathroom. Can’t afford and never had kids. So it’s just us and the cats here forever. No basement, crappy attic. But hey, it’s ours.
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u/Elegant_Solutions 1d ago
We bought our house in 2020 and my FIL already thinks we should move. Not for any real reason, either. Just because.
I expect to die here.
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u/Melodic-Basshole 1d ago
We painted a room in our house a non-beige color and my FIL asked me what we would do when we move. Who gives a shit that I painted it blue? I live here now and don't have any current any plans to move!
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u/Airportsnacks 1d ago
I was never allowed to hang anything up in my room because it would damage the paint.
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u/Melodic-Basshole 1d ago
Oh boy, that's annoying! Paint is so easy to patch, especially if a small amount is kept for repairs in a jar.
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
Yeah when I was a kid we moved countries three times by the time I was 7, so the idea of moving around isn’t unusual but that was because of jobs drying up. The idea of moving house “just cuz I feel like it” - can’t imagine the luxury of that.
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u/Elegant_Solutions 1d ago
I moved every year of my life, each time my lease was up, between the ages of 18 and 26. But I live(d) in a very LCL area and obviously was just renting. It was so tiring and I’m very happy to be residing long-term now. Since we bought our house, all the rents have doubled (and then some!) and 99.8% of them are now higher than our mortgage. It’s untenable (and untenateable! Haha).
We would need interest rates to drop in order for it to make sense for us to move again. Even then it would be a sellers market so everything would sell to competitively high bids. (Literally got an email about “mortgage rate updates” while typing this 🙄) I’m more than happy to just stay right here and improve upon what we were blessed enough to snag (the ol’ gal is a hot mess express but worth it).
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u/Effective_Rock9477 1d ago
My (now former) in laws would buy a new house every year or two for absolutely no reason. Well, the chair finally got yanked out from under them while playing musical houses, any they have been paying two mortgages for the last year since the housing market took a shit and can't get rid of the last house without selling it at a huge loss.
They appear to be successful from outside appearances, but they are just cosplaying wealth on credit. They are financially illiterate. They don't stay anywhere long enough to break even, let alone build any equity.
I'll stay in my dinky little "starter home". This little shit box they turn their nose up at has more equity than all the houses they dumped combined.
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u/Legitimate-Bass3008 1d ago
I bought a 100 year old house in downtown Colorado springs, I am not underwater but flat on equity, the first time my mother came over she did this look around thing and said "just as I suspected a total teardown" fucking boomers
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u/Melodic-Basshole 1d ago
What is up with thisssss???? My Dad did the same thing when we bought our little house (perfect for us, but outdated finishes like wallpaper and kitchen countertops) I was shocked. My house was and still is beautiful, even if it's not the height of interior design.
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u/ReasonableAbility681 1d ago edited 1d ago
My father in law called me an idiot when I told him the price of the house we are finally acquiring at 37yo.
My wife and I are full fledged medical specialists working full time in switzerland, no kid.
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
What’s funny is when boomers tell you how much their house they paid a nickel for in 1975 is worth, decide they want to “downsize”, and then discover how much every other house has appreciated in value as well. “I’m not paying that!” “WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PAL”
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u/Putrid_Mind_4853 1d ago
Idk, I’d rather that than them acting like the younger generations are dumb/lazy/whatever for not being able to afford housing (or “good” housing in their eyes), and then turn around and sell grandma’s house (bought for less than 50k, paid off decades ago) for $700k when kids in the family would like to keep it or were interested in buying (at a more “reasonable” price, like $250k).
Parents and aunts/uncles will happily fuck over their younger relatives if it means they make money off of it. I’ve seen it so many times in my family and that of friends and partners. They’re cannibalizing the future and wonder why the kids are pissed at them, not having grandkids fast enough, don’t want to keep in contact, etc.
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u/IAintGotNoSoul 1d ago
This is true even after they’re gone. I’ve been trying to convince my aging parents to make a will, and they drop the bomb on me that after they’re gone they want their house sold. The same house they’ve spent 40 years neglecting maintenance on. The one I’d be willing to fix up and live in. Nope, they’d rather sell it and split the money between me and my one sibling, like my mother’s parents did. Only difference is my mother’s parents had like 8 kids, so selling and splitting maybe makes more sense for that situation.
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u/Goodpuns_were_taken 1d ago
I’m in this with my parents right now! They want to move to be closer to us now that they’re getting older (great! Totally support that!), and I kept finding houses in their price range. Every one gets shot down. I keep trying to explain to them that unless they can magically afford a house 3 times the price they say they can afford, they are going to have to lower their expectations. I have given up helping them look. They also have this idea that they’re going to come in under asking price and negotiate a great deal like it’s 1995, and will not believe me when I tell them that’s not going to be a thing. In spite of this, my mom keeps sending ME houses she thinks I should move into out of my tiny “starter home” - that of course start at a minimum 100,000 more than I can afford. Nope. Sorry. This is what we have, and we feel lucky to keep it.
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u/Valuable-Guarantee56 1d ago
Your dad kinda sounds like an asshole. Seriously, why do some parents act like this?
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u/fishscaleSF5 1d ago
My brother was living rent free at my mom’s place while she was living with my grandfather taking care of him until he dies, and my brother opted to buy a house with his wife that is now worth 150k less than what they mortgaged it for. Absolute lunacy.
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u/KungFuChicken1990 1d ago
I tried to refinance my new-build townhome after 3 years and was surprised and disappointed to find out that it depreciated in value 🫠
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u/0nTheRooftops 1d ago
Yeah, our place has lost about $30-40k in value since we bought. Would have been way better off financially to have kept renting and put that in stocks
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
oof, that’s sub-optimal. But I guess housing is a long game. Hopefully it gets back up there
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u/kbean826 1d ago
The idea of a starter home needs to die. The idea of using a home as an investment needs to die. Homes are for living in. It’s a functional tool. Few other functional tools are viewed as investments. Yes, if you do upgrades, you should expect that to add value. But the simple act of taking up space should not net you some major windfall. And the idea that it will is how NIMBYs manage to keep the rest of you from being able to own a home.
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u/Geno0wl 1d ago
Some of those nimbys get really mad when you tell them your house is a home and not an investment you are should be banking on flipping for a big profits later.
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u/kbean826 1d ago
Exactly. We as Americans treat so few things like we treat houses. Hoarding a resource specifically so that its rarity increases value is the kind of evil you only read about in fantasy novels. Yet here we are.
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u/Swimming-Dot-3363 1d ago
I think it’s dying/dead but the older gen’s don’t quite understand that. Unless something serious happens to the market or the government does something to help, which they won’t, buying small decent homes for a reasonable price in a place people actually want to live is far and few these days.
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u/Blinkwave182 1d ago
Starter home is a great marketing concept to talk people into buying a more expensive house that they don’t actually need. While the house may not meet your parents lavish needs, if you’re comfortable there then there’s zero reason not to stay long term. In fact I would argue if you can stay there, keep paying down the mortgage vs buying a more expensive house every 5 years, you’ll have a much more comfortable retirement.
Lastly i wouldn’t worry about the negative equity, the value will ebb and flow over the years. Just focus on the mortgage shrinking that’s the real number that matters.
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u/Lower_Orchid4982 1d ago
Starter homes as a concept also worked much better when people could buy thier first home at 23, and when a mortgage+taxes+insurance was cheaper then renting.
By the time you're in your 30's your kids would likely be schoo aged and you'd have 10+ years of equity and raises at your job and jumping to a bigger house was easily within the budget.
The math just doesn't work like that anymore.
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u/biscuitboi967 1d ago
My house was built in 1918. It was just a “single family home”. Three bedrooms. An entire single family made it work for over 100 years.
My grandma grew up 3 miles away in a similarly sized home. 6 kids!
Then my family moved to a suburb 60 miles away and had fewer kids but larger houses. Commute sucked, but everyone had 1.5 rooms to themselves.
I’m back to earning 2x what my parents made and living in 1/2 the house. My dad DID comment on how much larger his was. I commented on how much more mine cost. — both in 1980 money and in today’s dollars compared to his suburban house value.
Which shut him up a bit.
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u/ooo-ooo-oooyea 1d ago
Yea my parents and Grandparents botth had lavish homes. my grandparents house was gatsby-esque. It even had a possible speak easy in the basement. But at the end of the day, the kids will be gone and you'll be stuck with a huge house you don't use except to store junk.... and both have.... lots of junk.
I like my "starter home". Kid has his own bedroom. Nice backyard with grills. What is there not to like.
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u/magic_crouton 1d ago
I can't wrap my mind around people wanting to stay in debt by playing that property ladder game. Starter homes don't exist where Iive. You buy a home and stay there until some outside force like job location forces a move.
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u/Individual-Nebula927 1d ago
Exactly this. Before the Boomer generation there was no such thing as a "starter house." It was just the house you live in, and you only moved if you had to for work or something. Heck, before the 1930s and government-subsidized 30-year mortgages, houses were depreciating assets like your car and you had to save the full amount before buying.
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u/DickieJohnson 1d ago
It's exactly what they are, depreciating assets, a house doesn't get better with age like wine. It's simply the property on which it resides that is worth more cause there's less of it available now.
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u/NeroFMX 1d ago
I stopped listening to my parents opinion years ago. That fixes this entire problem.
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u/PuddingSalad 1d ago
I was privileged to learn this lesson in my young adulthood, when I was 22 and took the advice of my boomer mother to lease a brand new car for three years at >25% of my income, because "cars start to break down after being 3 years old" (live in rust belt) and "you'll make more money when you stop being lazy and apply for high paying jobs that people get simply by wearing a nice suit to the interview."
I learned that her and I had 2 different realities of economics.
I feel bad for all the many people who had boomer parents telling them to go crazy taking out student loans to go to private schools for liberal arts degrees.
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u/leggomyeggle 1d ago
But the game of Life taught us you can go from trailer to mansion with 10 kids
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u/Ok_Classic_1968 Zillennial 1d ago
My parents and all my friends who don’t own homes often don’t have anything nice to say about my place either because I don’t have acreage. Oh well, I live here and am happy. Not in negative equity though, that’s rough.
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u/EnviousSock 1d ago
I bought my first place at 40, moved, and at 45 paid off my mortgage.
I worked hard, very long hours. I cut out all luxuries such as holidays, coffee, Netflix, avocado, and someone died leaving me over £200k.
It's easy when you try.
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u/BloodyThirst 1d ago
My dad, a late boomer (but not a conservative or trumper) had a similar remark about the house I bought in the PNW. Mind you, he lives in the home he grew up in in shithole Louisiana, where his 3000 sq foot brick rambler with marble and brick floors, two fireplaces, on a landscaped half acre lot is worth $100k but would be worth $2million in my area.
I just laughed and told him to come play in grown folks’ real estate in this day and age and let me know how it goes.
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
Hahah yeah “it’s been real nice bowling with the lane bumpers up and the ramp, but maybe try it without”
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u/BloodyThirst 1d ago
Right? Let your parent’s comment roll right off your back if you can. They had it easier than we did as far as homeownership goes. And being a homeowner these days is no joke! The cost of everything is ridiculous.
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u/Alice-Stargazer 1d ago
“Starter home” - lingo from the boomer house flipping generation.
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u/EdmontonBest 1d ago
“Starter homes” cost $500k, I looked at old newspaper ads for home prices and adjusted for inflation the houses on my street in the 50s cost about $85,000 in modern dollars. lol
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u/TheBalzy In the Middle Millennial 1d ago
And they were brand new!
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u/Individual-Nebula927 1d ago
Now the $500k house probably has over $100k in deferred maintenance and repairs needed as well.
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u/jspeq Millennial 1d ago
Congrats man. Don’t worry about what they say!
Everything got better when I decided not to care about what anyone thinks of my situation.
I am 40, ok with being a permanent renter. I think it bothers my parents.
I have been doing it all on my own without any familial support since 2004. I am 1800 miles away from hearing any judgement.
I was doing fine until my career ended and my health fell off a cliff 8 years ago. I ended up on disability. None of that usual boomer advice is applicable to my situation.
How am I supposed to save up money to buy anything on $28K a year in SSDI payments, and also afford a house?
Short story? I can’t.
I am content with staying in my $850/mo San Francisco studio apartment forever.
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u/DCyld 1d ago
It's not gonna stay 850$ forever tho
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u/Numerous_Worker_1941 1d ago
I payed $850 for rent back in 2014. That same apartment is $1225 if I were to move back today
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u/Final_Campaign_2593 1d ago
My current rent, right now is 950. I live in a two bedroom apartment in Iowa. I also have SSDI, but I work and make about 36k
I live in Iowa
I will always be a permanent renter too due to health issues
My mom is gone and my dad is 83 and I’m 40
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u/FreshOffTheBoeing 1d ago
House ownership? What's that? A new subgenre of scifi /fantasy?
I've heard a lot of millenials folks being firm with the prospect of paying rent til the day they drop dead.
Hope that would lower the price for the next tenant. Pay it forward right?
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
Yeah I guess it depends where you live. In Australia renting is extremely dehumanizing and unpleasant. $750 a week median, plus hundreds extra bond for having a pet. you can’t decorate or do ANYTHING to the place, every twelve weeks the agent comes round with their iPad and photographs everything and tells you off if there’s dirt or weeds in the garden etc, and they can jack the rent up every six months - oh and there’s not really long term leases. So yeah, buying can actually be a little more humane day-to-day. If I lived in some country with decent rental laws I’d definitely do that.
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u/Simple_Jach 1d ago
Not to mention try and kick you out if you want any repairs or maintenance to make it livable like mould removal.
Then when they have kicked you out they try and confiscate the bond for ANY wear and tear.
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u/jakeeeR666 1d ago
Oh man Australia sounds like some type of a 3rd world country with this shit wtf
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u/chanjitsu 1d ago
Personally, I hated the renting experience enough to motivate me to go hard on buying a house.
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u/PeskyAntagonist 1d ago
Yep, when my landlord kicked me out at the first sign of trouble during Covid in April 2020 after 5 years of consistent on time payments I decided I would never let that happen to me again
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u/midnitesnak87 1d ago
Bought about a year ago. I'm rationalizing the almost immediate value lost of my apartment with a stable-ish monthly payment and the neighborhood is great. If I'm ever unemployed, I can move someone into the spare room to keep afloat.
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u/Supac084 1d ago
Ha yeah my uncle and parents said the same thing to me when I bought my house in 2011. I was so annoyed at that comment since it implies your home you just bought is shit and you better move on asap. I’m like this is my coffin, what do you mean starter home?? Still here in 2026 with no plans of moving, especially now days with the interest rates and prices skyrocketing, ya hard pass.
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u/LevelStationaryPlane 1d ago
Property is just the “Go to college for anything, just go to college!” Part 2 scam lol
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u/Antifaith 1d ago
my dad turned up and said “why did you pay so much, it’s just a normal house” not that i’d disclosed the price or even my address to him
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u/areyoumykitty 1d ago
The housing market feels like I’m panic buying an asset during a euphoric run up, that’s what the housing market should be like right?
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
Haha. Yeah, I mean - everyone gets a loan for half a million bucks after viewing a property once for fifteen minutes, right? That seems normal. It shits me to tears when you see people in an old tv show or movie going to see a house that’s been “on the market for months”, and they are the only one there, and the agent is really trying to sell them on it. Never in my life have I experienced that. Not for a rental or a place for sale. It’s some twat in a shiny suit looking at his phone in the driveway while 50 people pile into every small room, and expect you to make an offer by the end of the day.
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u/skywalkersrealfather 1d ago
Just bought my first house at 40. Our boomer parents say the same thing, "this is a good starter home."
Absolutely fuck off. It cost us 300k. I'm gonna die in this house
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u/Humble_Layer3578 1d ago
Why do they all say the same things? 😂
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u/MyWifeisaTroll 1d ago
Because in the 80s and 90s a forklift driver could afford a house, a car, two kids, and save for retirement off of $25 an hour. And don't fall for the "interest rates were 20%!" argument. They were paying 20% on a 60k house.
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u/Select_Watercress_57 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm now couch surfing at 40 after an eviction.
Be grateful you aren't in constant survivor mode and can just breathe, and appreciate having your own little slice of paradise.
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u/Curious-Solution-892 1d ago
Old millennial, bought in 2011.. value peaked a few years ago at 3x my cost but has probably receded a bit since then.
Seeing other people looking at houses similar to mine at 3x the price and 2x the interest rate I definitely feel like I had the 'millennial luck' to buy and refinance when I did.
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u/Want_To_Live_To_100 1d ago
I always said millennials are split into two financial generations those who bought pre COVID and those who bought post COVID… and the line is dramatic. I’m 39 and selling my “forever home” due to unforeseen career changes but oh well I guess.
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
Wow yeah that’s a while ago now, you’d be sorted. My next door neighbour bought their place in 2022 for 50% what mine sold for. And within six months of buying mine, the “value” was up $200k. “What bubble?”
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u/mindgamesweldon 1d ago
Yeah a lot of us elder millennials were buying around 2005-2012 and it was really good timing
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u/JLB24278 22h ago
Ugh I am sorry… We learned the houses don’t always go up lesson when we bought in 2006 before everything went to shit, young and naive in a new state we ended up hating.
Hopefully you like where you are?
We stayed as long as we could but ultimately relocated again in 2015 lost money, bought in 2016 then refinanced around covid to 2.75 interest rate which not complaining but now we are basically never leaving.
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u/Exciting-Gap-1200 1d ago
I just had to sell a house due to divorce. I paid 285k in 2017 and sold for 529k in June. I'm renting for the foreseeable future because it would cost me $1000 more a month right now to buy vs rent the same place and I'd only be putting $800 something to equity.
There's no math that makes it work. My money has done 13% in the market since then.
My parents also told me I was stupid for not using the equity to buy another house. No matter how many times I told them I did the math.
Boomers gonna boomer
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u/Reggaeton_Historian 1d ago
The starter home is a unique thing that only exists for fewer than 100 years of US history. It's even a foreign concept in other places. I still don't understand why people are talking about "your first home". It's insane to me.
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
It is. Unfortunately, at least where I live, a lot of the houses that are “affordable” for first time buyers are often built by investors - often by knocking down the original house on a big block and building two or three smaller houses with small courtyards in order to maximize their profits when they rent them out. But that means they build them as cheaply as possible, so they are very poorly insulated for temperature and noise - so even though you might be buying the only house you can afford to buy - it’s not really a house that a family can grow into, or it might not be in an area close to where you want to live and/or work. So I guess that keeps the concept of a starter home alive. You’re on the ladder, but it’s not a place you can necessarily stay in forever
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u/nola_throwaway53826 1d ago
They are often built shitty too, and they cut corners at every opportunity. Poor insulation, paper thin walls, and just shoddy construction all around.
On the street I grew up on, they were all decent houses, nothing huge but enough for a family. But they were all built with huge yards, and most had pretty sizeable gardens, along with room to just hang out. When the houses sell, they are bought by an investor who builds two or three houses on tbe property. When a hjrricane hit back in 2021, it was bad in the area, and everyone took some damage. But the new houses took catastrophic damage compared to the old ones. While the old houses had shingles missing and gutter damage, a lot of the new ones had massive roof damage, and on many there was complete roof failure.
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u/Brownie-0109 1d ago
Depends on where you live. In the US, property values in the Northeast (where I am) never go down. Supply in major NE metropolitan areas is non existent.
If you’re in Fla, you’re fucked. Too much building during Covid, combined with sky high property costs (insurance and tax)
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u/ShareEvening5856 1d ago
When I got out of my house in high school my mother told me that I wasn't here to fulfill anyone's expectations but my own including hers and I don't think many of you had that conversation.
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u/NeedleworkerNo777 1d ago
My parents told me success looks different for everyone. My dad regularly says "You work full time. You're in school. You are doing everything right, it's not your fault things are so hard."
I'm lucky with my parents. I live with them actually. Sort of a mutually beneficial situation, but it's mostly for my benefit. Went though a messy divorce and ran through my savings trying to rent an apartment for 2 years.
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u/Bestintor 1d ago edited 1d ago
My father bought a house in 2007 for 165k in Spain. The house lost its value due to the 2009 crisis. Buy considering the latest housing market he could easily sell it for 250-300k now.
So sometimes it's just about waiting
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u/MechanicalGodzilla Xennial 1d ago
Where do you live that you have negative equity? The only places I can find where housing prices have declined are Honolulu, Miami, Phoenix, and Denver.
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u/Fickle_Finger2974 1d ago
On the whole very few places, but many individual neighborhoods can have periods of negative equity.
I bought a new build house because the interest rates were so good it cut the payment in half. However I can’t sell until the entire surrounding neighborhood is done building houses because who is going to buy from me when they can get a house from the builder. Its the same price with a way better interest rate. I knew going in that if I sold within 5ish years I would lose money. I’m just not going to be moving within 5 years
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u/Cubensis-SanPedro 1d ago
In general, if you sell a home within five years, you probably should’ve just rented.
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u/Its_Jordon_Yo 1d ago
My condo in Austin Texas is down like 30%. I seemingly timed not just the peak year but peak month. Bought in 2023.
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u/Interesting_Yam_3230 1d ago
I bought a house in Philadelphia about 10 years ago. The tax office here does a city wide reassessment every two years or so. The number they came up with for my place this time around is almost $50k less than what I originally paid. It's not a mistake either, there is a a house down the street similar to mine that has been listed for sale for close to a year. The price has been cut several times but it doesn't make a difference, the market is stone cold right now.
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u/10000Didgeridoos 1d ago
The US market in general has had flat home prices or even slightly declined prices since the peak in 2022-2023. There are some hot cities where they have risen more but on the whole they have not
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u/RockabillyRabbit 1d ago
I bought my first house in 2018 right before the pandemic made the market go crazy. Only way I could afford it was life insurance my mom invested from when my dad died when I was a baby. If he hadnt died and she wouldnt have been smart with the money I wouldve never been able to afford my home.
Nearly 9yrs later I am still here. My husband even moved into my home because it was a better option and location. I wish I had more land for our livestock but its enough for two off farm working parents and 2 kids. The bedrooms are tiny and the layout is tiny especially as our family has grown. But, ive never had a mortgage so were opting to add on vs move. We contemplated moving. Looked at so many house with lots of land then talked ourselves out of it because we have too much stuff to want to move it all 😆
So I guess mine was a "starter home" that were adding onto??
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u/marbanasin 1d ago
I'm 36 and still feel like I've never become an adult, so idk. Starter home seems appropriate.
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u/LazyBumTravels 1d ago
Idk who told you to buy any house, in any suburb, anywhere, 2-3 years ago but I'd stop listening to financially advice like that. I swear the mainstream sentiment was that we were in a housing bubble and you should wait til intrrest rates drop.
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u/Elegant_Director_305 1d ago
I mean, it was slightly exaggerated for the overall effect but I guess a lot of people can’t just wait forever, throwing money away in a rental, not being able to decorate or feel at home, feel safe. Gets to a point too where you’ll be lucky to get loaned enough to pay it off before you hit retirement.
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u/Mountain-House3287 1d ago
My brother in housing crisis, you and I cannot afford the energy of arguing with other people about our own living conditions, or weigh ourselves down with our own past choices.
The fact of the situation is that we wanted to buy homes to participate in whatever the hell this is, and to feel the way you described.
In my opinion, the people who make a negative case for home ownership either 1) don't have the funds to support a home or 2) do not factor in what a person would pay monthly for the peace of mind, or a return in equity, or both.
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u/Juneprincess18 1d ago
This is especially true of the condo I bought in 2021 and then couldn’t sell last year or this year after stupidly buying a house I couldn’t afford in December 2024 after my realtor promised I would sell for $90K in equity immediately. I can’t even give the condo away it’s so bad. I am now renting it out at a loss. Never, ever buy a new house without first selling the old one.
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u/InformationHead3797 1d ago
Don’t believe realtors or really anyone that tells you something it’s a “guaranteed quick return”. If it was true they’d would be investing in it, not gifting it to you. It’s never true.
You’re not “renting it at a loss”. Someone is paying a good part of YOUR mortgage. You get a house out of it. You’re not losing anything.
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u/HighlightDowntown966 1d ago
I don't understand how realtors can blatantly lie and sleep well at night.
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u/McFatty7 Millennial 1d ago
Car salesmen and house salesmen have the same mentality.
“This is a good investment. Trust me bro.”
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u/Kiyae1 1d ago
Did you buy the house for a place to live or because you wanted to sell it after 2 years and turn a profit??
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u/pfifltrigg 1d ago
I think they're annoyed that their parents or other boomers are speaking as if they're going to upgrade from this house any time in the forseeable future.
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u/Kfm101 1d ago
buy a house, literally any house you could afford, in any suburb, anywhere
This is the key point I think. Lots of younger people were sold this idea that you get your foot in the market and then find the ideal home later. And instead they locked themselves into living somewhere far from work, friends, family, etc or with too little space for their growing family or a multitude of other downsides. All with an expensive mortgage and no near to mid term prospects of mobility because new mortgages are even more expensive and desirable markets are still appreciating while the burbs and bedroom communities might be flat.
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u/Subtlefeline 1d ago
Younger Millennial (born 1996). Just bought my apartment but it will only be ready in 2029.
My parents generation insist on living in a landed property. Which isn't realistic unless I want a 1.5 hour commute one way or pay the selling price of at least 1 million.
They will probably disprove of the small apartment (800 square feet) but I'm not planning on having kids
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