I can’t go with you, I have plans

[u/Graeleaf]

[u/scruffalump]

I just did, and too much of this sounds way too familiar 🫩 even what you said about transitioning tasks is familiar. I usually end up getting overwhelmed, not knowing what to do, and then abandoning whatever it was I was supposed to be doing. Organization and planning as well have been a lifelong struggle for me and it only seems to be getting worse as I get older. I just thought I was stupid/lazy.

[u/YouGlittering9156 → u/scruffalump]

I'm a guy, but... if you were labeled as a procrastinator growing up because you wait until last second panic hits to do tasks, it's very indicative of ADHD. You probably find it strange because you actually WANT to do said task, but you can't force yourself until that panic sets in. You probably are critical of yourself and tell yourself that you're just lazy because that's what you've heard.

[u/scruffalump → u/YouGlittering9156]

I was and still am sadly, what you wrote describes me perfectly and I HATE it. I could never understand why I'm like this. Really simple tasks always seem daunting and impossible to complete, even mundane things like just picking clothes up off the floor. Have you found that medication makes the executive dysfunction much better, or (fingers crossed) does it make it go completely away?

[u/YouGlittering9156 → u/scruffalump]

I feel like I can't live without it now, but medication isn't perfect. It's a tool to help you, and it requires being used correctly. It's much more beneficial if you're intentional when you take it.

Let's take an example of me working from home:

- If I wake up, go to my work laptop, and take my medication (vyvanse) with the intention of focusing on work, then it works wonders

- If I take my medication and go on reddit, then I'm going to focus on reddit, making it not beneficial at all. The medication is great when you're actively thinking about picking up those clothes on the floor, then taking it

Some personal notes:

- it doesn't work well at all if I don't get enough sleep

- it doesn't help give you the initial intention/motivation, that's something you need to do to help

- going for walks/getting enough sunlight helps (might be hard to motivate yourself to do until being on medication and going to therapy)

- therapy alongside medication is extra beneficial

- making the initial appointment is tough, but eventually you'll have to get that motivation and do it

My personal journey:

I actually had all of the symptoms of ADHD, but I initially signed up for therapy due to my depression/anxiety. I started out at a new job working remote for the first time, and that's when you'll be fearful of the possible outcomes of not being able to get your work done. I actually started out on Wellbutrin because I thought the reason I couldn't get myself to work from home was due to depression. That medication was actually the biggest game changer for me, although I'm no longer on it. It has similarities in how it works to adderall/vyvanse, but not quite. It helped me get out of my depression and focus a little bit, but that's what helped me realize the depession wasn't my biggest issue being able to focus on work tasks. It wasn't until 4-5 months on that medication until my Psychiatrist recommended I get tested for ADHD, because she saw the symptoms but couldn't diagnose ADHD through the platform I was on.

p.s. I say Wellbutrin was a game changer because I can't even accurately describe what it did and how it worked, but it made me feel like a normal human for once. The craziest thing it did was slow down my brain and get me out of my head. I actually felt dumber because I was no longer thinking at 100 mph, but that shaped a few things. Pre-medication, I absolutely hated how I looked in the mirror, always have. After the medication, it somehow made that go away and I felt content with the way I looked. When I went on dates after the medication, it was like I was actually dating to date and truly get to know someone. It's sad, but pre-medication when I went on dates, it was more about trying to feel normal. I was no longer wearing a mask, and I was able to start going out and doing things. Hell, I signed up for a dance class for the first time in my life, something I never thought I'd be able to make myself do. It wasn't until I got on medication when I finally had my first long term relationship because of that mindset shift, being able to now date intentionally, actually wanting to learn about my partner and care for them instead of only being able to worry about how they perceived me.

[u/wayneforest → u/scruffalump]

Your last sentence really got to me. So many people relate to it, truly. I was diagnosed in my mid-thirties. My mother was finally diagnosed in her sixties. There is an entire lost generation of women who went undiagnosed and overlooked when it came to ADHD (literally you can google the three words “lost generation adhd” and you’ll find so much research, articles, insight, etc.)

Anyways, if you found that these things in the comments and post relate to your decades of lived experiences, then I hope you’ll consider talking with your doctor about potentially getting a proper diagnosis. Some doctors will still dismiss the idea and say “well you did good in school, so you can’t have adhd.” So many of us were overlooked in the first place because it can present differently than the mainstream idea of “7 year old boy jumping off the walls!”

Just know, if that is the response or reaction you get from your doctor, that it’s okay to seek out a second opinion in order to find a doctor who is more up to date and knowledgeable about what ADHD actually is and how it impacts daily life. Hope you can find some peace and understanding about yourself soon.

[u/scruffalump → u/wayneforest]

I was told before that someone at my school told my mother that I had ADD (not adhd, but I guess theyre the same now?), but she didnt believe it and neither did my grandmother because in her words, "you used to play your Gameboy for so long that you can't have adhd" lol. I wish this had been addressed when I was a child because I feel like leaving this untreated has devastated my life, and it only keeps getting worse. But I think I'll finally get a primary doctor and look into this, thanks for your response and advice!

[u/wayneforest → u/scruffalump]

I hear you, so many think it only means bouncing from one thing to the next, never understanding that there’s a hyperfocus mode we enter into sometimes, where we get so focused by a task (and usually its the “wrong” task we should be focusing on) that we sometimes forget to eat or drink water or wait until the last second to run to the bathroom. We can spend hours dwindling our days away on unproductive or unnecessary activities, only to realize later that we’ve screwed ourselves over yet again. That’s just part of it of course, the other thing that gets me most is the executive functioning- tasks that are so quick, effortless, never given a second thought to so many people are usually feeling insurmountable and often paralyzing sometimes. I can’t bring myself to do the thing, it’s like a wall is built up in my brain and I can’t force through it.It’s muddied, it’s like grinding gears. It can really make life harder than it ever would’ve been had I not had this or had I been diagnosed decades earlier. At least it really helps put my life and experiences into perspective though and that can be really helpful to finally understand myself more.