was die two years ago. Just absolutely fucked. He was in his early thirties. He had his entire life ahead of him. His daughter was six months old. He was fitter than I am, funny and mean and smart
What do you mean I have to face the continual rising tide of fascism without him sending me a meme of Elon Musk wearing a cowboy hat backward on fb messenger at 1 AM
Who is going to make my birthday cake every year for the rest of my life
Who is going to drive me to the airport
Who is going to tell our dad that he can’t do the shit he keeps trying to do like he’s 35 instead of 75
Who’s going to question why I didn’t just do it his better way instead of being a bitch about it
Who’s going to keep my ass humble
It’s just so stupid. So unbelievably dumb. I can’t believe I’m going to have to live the rest of my life without him and get to see his daughter grow up when he won’t and not even get to eat a meal he cooked ever again or quote The Simpsons with him or take a selfie or help him move or all the other million little tiny things we were supposed to do for the next sixty years.
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I lost one of my brothers 5 years ago. He was older than your brother, and his kids were older, but it still hits me so hard on some days I can barely breathe. I'm sure you will make sure your niece grows up to know how awesome her dad was. Big hugs to you.
Yeah, when I lost my brother I just remember thinking, “You were supposed to grow old along with me!” Sometimes siblings don’t get the condolences they deserve because there are so many other people hurting - spouse, kids, parents.
Yeah I feel this. Siblings are the ones you’re always meant to have, not like parents or grandparents or aunts/uncles. They are literally your for lifers. It’s wrong to lose one at such a young age. I’m sorry for your loss, I’m sure it wasn’t easy to cope with.
Lost both my brothers. One in his mid twenties and the other when he was just 32. Both deaths were sudden. I think about them all the time 💔 I’m so sorry for your loss.
Your comment let me feel like my unexpected overwhelming waves that hit out of nowhere when I think I'm doing okay.. remind me that I'm not but I'm still trying and that's the important part. I lost my dad a month ago.. and my siblings trickled off any relationships we had while our dad was dying.. so it feels like I lost them too. Life is weird right now so thankyou for sharing.
Oh bestie I’m sorry to hear that that’s gotta be horrible. Feeling like you’ve lost your whole family in one fell swoop. Hey you’re still here, so that means you got this. You’ll get through this🫶🫶
As somebody who experienced similar and lost their whole family either due to death or the aftermath of a death, you will find that it makes life both harder and easier simultaneously. On one hand, you have less support when you are sick or in financial trouble. On the other hand, you will be called on less to help struggling family members too. It can be freeing to not be tied down to the responsibilities of caring for loved ones - and lonely too. I wish you luck in your journey. One day at a time.
My therapist taught me this analogy. It really is helpful.
I really wish people stop describing grief like it’s a linear path through the 5 stages. It’s not like that at all. It’s more like you shift through the phases and then over time you’re able to stay longer and longer in the “okay” zone. But you still get sucked into the grief from time to time.
I keep slingshotting back into anger. I don't know why dad didn't go to the hospital when he suspected a stroke. He should have. He knew he needed to. And now he's gone. Ugh. I know it will keep getting easier but as much as I miss him I'm just mad at him for not taking care of himself like he promised.
Though logically I know even a small stroke can impact judgment and I've accepted what is, I just.. Man, it sucks.
Mine made a similar choice. My mom let him. It haunts me. He had blood cancer, stroke history, refused a transfusion, major stroke that night which ended in his death a month-ish later. A month of suffering that didn't need to happen. Sucks.
I have not known a lot of grief in my life, other than one grand parent and a lot of pet loss, and i consider myself fortunate for that fact. But I am a very emotional person and an empath that feels other people grief as if it’s my own. I will always be a rock for someone that needs me.
If anyone ever needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to, my inbox is always open.
Too bad the ball doesn't just linearly get smaller. Sometimes it inflates again. Not to its full size again, but it still takes a while for it to get smaller again. Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays are all fuel for the ball
So, absolutely strange-ish request on my end.. but for some reason I can’t save this photo/meme thing and I desperately want to. I can’t screen shot because half the text up top is covered because of my style of phone. Would you mind messaging this to me? Pretty please? With a cherry on top! 🍒✨ My biggest/hardest loss has been my Pap (grandfather) (I also lost a great uncle who was more like a grandfather a decade ago and I still miss him too) who was like a father figure since my dad sucked when I was little. 7 years since he passed just hit a couple weeks ago and I miss him so badly still. I’d love to be able to save this to my phone.
Thanks for posting this. I saw something like this after my sister died, and I’ve been looking for the image to send to someone else. I Found a helpful accurate.
This is my favorite way of describing grief. Makes you feel less crazy when months later it hits you like it just happened and you’re contemplating all the work you did. The work still counts, grief is just chronic
My asshole brother died 10 years ago. His daughter was one and his son wasn’t born yet. Real shit move on his end. AND he went and died on Halloween. Ridiculous.
My sister died a couple weeks before my birthday (rude) and our idiot brother skipped her funeral but decided that my birthday was the only possible day to go to the on-site funeral office at the cemetery to pick out her headstone, and he demanded i accompany him. I got to watch him blubber and ignore my objections to most of his “design choices” while also watching the bitch in charge upsell the fuck out of things. I put my foot down on a couple things (she loved her rottie and the director chick said that if we didn’t have a pic, we could us clip art, except the ONLY clip art of a dog was a lab. She said close enough, I almost belted her in the chops) but to this day we still absolutely loathe the shitty gravestone he picked out. He went with the most heinously ugly clip art of a horse (another of her passions). And then at the end, they handed us a folder with a “How did we do?? Give us five stars on Yelp!!” Card inside. Happy forking birthday
This is by far the ugliest headstone I’ve ever seen. We have never ever called her Our Angel, my idiot brother can’t even SPELL angel. Also WTF is the horse???? At least it’s not clip art of a yellow lab?
ETA: our oldest sister died in 2003 and her grave is right next to this one. It’s light gray and beautiful, a quote from her poetry and a picture of the Mormon temple (she was Mormon) and my folks had ONE request: match them in size and color. Yall. I had to talk him out of buying one almost twice this size but it’s still like seven inches bigger and looks nothing like older sister’s.
He absolutely insisted. My folks tried so hard to talk him out of it but beyond just being an idiot, he is the most stubborn and defiant idiot on the planet. The stonecutter across the street quoted me at 750 for the perfect headstone, but he had no interest in it because I picked it.
My dad died on my nephew's birthday and we didn't try to LIE about it but kind of tried to avoid telling him which day he died on (my sister told her kids the following day since he died late at night). It was a gut punch when he put it together and realized. Also ... rude of him to do that.
I also have a friend whose mom died on 9/11 (yes, the actual 9/11), which also happens to be the friend's birthday. Which she no longer celebrates.
I swear the assholes choose specific dates. My dad, my wife and a good friend all died in November. At this point my friend group has decided to just veto the entire month since wtf
My father died a year ago today. He was the biggest, most stubborn jerk I ever met. He wasn’t stubborn enough to keep the ALS away though, the asshole. I miss him so fucking much.
Sorry for your loss Millie, and yours OP.
My grandma had the audacity to die on Halloween 8 years ago, arguably her favorite holiday, too. Totally ruined future holidays cause she was the reason the big family got together, so rude, making us miss her ugh
My evil ex MIL had to go and die on Mother’s Day and now my awful ex husband finds a way to ruin Mother’s Day (which is sometimes my daughter’s birthday) every year by starting a conflict with either me or her, under the guise of grief/saying he has a hard time with the holiday. It’s been over 10 years.
Even in death and my children basically grown that fucking woman won’t let me have any peace.
I genuinely didn't realize this until I lost my dad. Grief is so weird and crazy, it comes at the most random and unexpected times. I say it's like getting hit in the back of the head with a frying pan
my brother died in 2016 when he was 20. i know your brother and you’s relationship was unique and it is a special kind of pain to lose your sibling. you are not alone and his memory will always be a part of you
I’m going to think about this, your post, your loss, every time I think about ending it. How I never want to hurt my sister. I can’t imagine leaving her alone in this world. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for staying strong. I know it isn’t easy.
You save this post where you can see it. And look at your response to it every day. Hold on to that promise. The only thing that helped me during my darkest days was the thought of how could they explain it to the little ones (nieces and nephew)? You hold it in your heart, and let it pull you through. 🫂🫂🫂
My brother wanted to so many times and when he died it wasn’t by choice, it was an accident. A dumb accident. And it hurts every goddamn fucking day. I can’t imagine the pain I’d be in if I knew he chose to leave.
My youngest brother died unexpectedly almost two years ago. I've tried writing this message over and over, but I don't have the words to describe the world after his passing. I miss the person I was with him. We were a trio and now.....I don't know what I'd do without my other brother. He's a rock that he shouldn't have to be. No one loves you like a sibling. Hug your sister tight. Your sister is so lucky that you fight for her.
I fucking feel this on a soul level. I lost my mama a lil over a year ago and there are just some days I'm still mad at her for leaving me and my brothers. She was supposed to walk me down the aisle when I get married, I was gonna drag her dress shopping, and then pawn my future children off on her for grandma days expecting to get them back all sugar3d up. But nooooooooooooi she had to go die on me three months shy of her 50th birthday.
Sorry for your loss luv. That shit feels like a hot and icy bullet some days and theres not avoiding the wave.
I feel this with my mom that passed last October, a few days after her 66th bday. shit sucks so bad. some days i’m glad she’s at peace, reunited with my dad, not in pain or grief anymore, don’t have to stress about their elderly care later on. but some days i’m angry they left me on this planet with everything that’s going on and we still had more to do 😭😭
As someone who still has their mama and got to do all those things, your words punched me in the heart. I am SO sorry you lost your mom. Bless your compassion, I hope you have a wonderful life. ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m holding you so close.
My bff in the entire world took her own life four years ago and I’m still so fucking pissed at her for leaving me to deal with this dumpster fire of a country and single parenthood and single lady dating bullshit all by myself. I can’t believe she’s not here for me to vent about my idiotic ex, laugh with about audacious dating profiles, and be on the Chump deathwatch with. She left behind two kids who are the sweetest, shining bright lights so she did something right. She was a great mom and the best friend anyone could ask for.
If your brother liked soccer, rugby, or mountain biking, I hope they are hanging out wherever they are. And if he was more into chatting over beers, cuddling with big dogs, dancing to jukebox music, or ordering massive steaks and polishing them off in one sitting, she’d be up for that, too. Wishing you peace.
Damn, this feels weird to say but I’m glad I’m not the only one who lost someone that way and can’t help but hate them for it. Like, seriously, why the fuck did you do that and leave me here all by myself?
At the same time I totally understand why the person I knew did it and can’t really blame them? It’s like a messed up love-hate thing lol
My advice to anyone who loses someone is that to not listen to the “time heals”
Time scabs it over and then memories pick the scabs off at the craziest times, so loss never heals.
I lost my brother too, early 30’s, and it’s been almost 30 years now. Both parents gone, both ex-husbands dead, and all it takes is a smell, a musical note, some joke, and different scabs come off and leave me hollow for the rest of the day.
I lost my little sister 2 1/2 years ago. It was the worst singular thing I’ve ever gone through. She was 23 and never got to even live with her husband (she was a teacher in Kansas, he was a marine stationed in Japan) she never got to have babies she never got to move to California and make a life for herself. I’ll miss our random trips to the casino or each of us driving an hour and a half to go to Olive Garden. I’m so sorry you are also a part of this shitty club.
I have an older brother and sometimes I live just for him and his 2 yo kid. Thanks for reminding me that have to keep going regardless of what my brain tells me to do. Here’s a virtual hug from a lil sister in her 20s whose sibling means everything to her.
Literally I never thought I could lose one of my siblings. I knew my parents would die but not my sisters. If they’re what keeps you going then use them as the reason. They don’t deserve to ever lose you ❤️
girl i feel you, my dumbass sister died two years ago at 33. now i’m her age and it makes me even more upset that i will continue to get older than she was. i can’t punch her in the face so i have resorted to busting open a piñata with her picture on it every year. i’m sorry for your loss 🤍
My older brother died two weeks ago, also early thirties. Funeral's tomorrow. It still seems surreal, and I think I'll be having the same vein of thoughts that you're having now.
My condolences—I lost mine 5 years ago and he was also a very cool guy.
Losing a sibling is horrible and feels super lonely. Especially since other people don’t know what to say, or don’t want to bring it up, because it’s like the worst thing that can happen to a family. ❤️🩹
For me, year 2 was still forgetting he was gone and feeling stabbed in the chest. Somewhere between then and now, I accepted the loss. It’s not less sad, but it’s less sharp and less frequent, if that makes sense.
Thanks for sharing. PS- I think you are a good writer! It seems nice to honor him like that.
We spent the whole summer of 2019 remodeling or kitchen that my dad spent years designing. Finished it July or August.
Dad died early October. He never got to really cook in his kitchen. Use it to it's full potential. Sometimes, after Mom has gone to bed or is taking a nap I just stand in his kitchen, kind of angry about the whole situation. Big hugs Internet friend. Grief sucks the big one.
im a big brother & my baby sister turns 12 this year. i will try to be safe, and think of yawl when i dont feel particularly safe. love you im so sorry for your loss
I just lost my brother in December. He was 29. I am certainly missing the baby elon musk (my brother would never capitalize his name, "he doesn't deserve it") tiktoks. I miss everything about him so much. I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️
The sheer audacity of some people I swear. He just HAD to be such a good person that God couldn't wait to take him back smh. Don't be like him and be the badass aunt you were meant to be.
I lost my brother 5 years ago. He was 33 and I was 35. And I feel you, it’s so fucked up. The one person I thought I’d never have to live without, gone, with SO much life still ahead of us. As a family we are all raising his daughter who was 9 when we lost him (she lives with her mum but we are all very involved, she has so many people in her corner) and she simultaneously breaks my heart and heals it, like, he would be SO fucking proud but omg why can’t he be here to see it???
Living with grief is like walking on thin ice.. everything is fine and then suddenly you just fall through and you are suddenly fighting for your life. Over time it happens less but it is always there and the water is just as cold every time.
Weirdly, I don’t ever want to live without it, it’s part of my new relationship with him. It’s not all of it though, I see him in nature - every time a blue heron flys by, and when something goes super right in my life I know he was watching over.
It’s ok to be so fucking mad, for real it’s just so unfair and fucked up. Thank you so much for sharing your grief with us - I loved reading about your relationship- sounds like he was a super good hang and that you are too. And thanks too for letting me fall through the ice for a minute. ❤️
I have two brothers, and I think I would sound so similar. Just mad.
For what it’s worth, knowing brothers, I bet he’s still making fun of you on the other side. lol no offense. Like “CHILL DUDE, I’ll see you again. So dramatic 🙄”
I lost my brother a few years ago and his birthday is coming up. This time of the year is especially rough.
Also, like you I think alot about the jokes and talks we would have had at this current timeline we're in.
I’m in the same fucking boat and it’s the worst place in the world. I lost my brother 10 months ago and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. My life is ruined and I’m 30 years old.
Everyone commenting to say “this reminds me I need to call my sibling” it’s pretty tone deaf. Do you go up to people in wheelchairs and say “shit looking at you reminds me I should go for a run”? Sorry I’m just an angry miserable depressed person. When you are going through grief people say the worst shit to you, trying to be nice.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much pain I feel for you. My brother was my husbands best friend and suddenly in 2016 my brother stopped communicating with me and he is my only sibling but me and my husband could not figure out why he stopped talking to us. Now my husband is dead (liver cancer) and my brother still won’t talk to me. I feel you pain so severely because even though he is alive he is dead to me and there is no worse feeling. My condolences to you honey💔 💔
That was SO RUDE of him! How DARE he! Men.. ugh.. 😑🙄
Seriously though, I’m so sorry for your loss! My brother just graduated high school and we’re pretty close even though I am 18 years older than him. I do NOT like thinking of the day one of us may lose each other or our momma. Both our dads suck. Anyway, he sounds like he was a really special dude! I’m sure you and his wife (or baby mama?) will help show his daughter what a special man he was!
when my dad died the first things i had thought was
it would be my first christmas without him,
that he wouldn’t be there for my 17th birthday,
that after binging seasons 1 of stranger things after begging him to get netflix, he would never get to see the rest and it would take me til season 4 til finally watch myself
that he is forever frozen stuck in time, never aging, and that feeling that he will come back through the front door, even though i moved states and its been 10 years since i’ve seen is always there
I’m so sorry for your loss! I lost my brother almost 9 years ago. He was 47. It was just the 2 of us. He was 2 years older than me, I was suddenly an only child. I really don’t think anyone who hasn’t lost an only sibling understands that soooo much dies with them. All of our shared memories are just gone, I have no one to talk to about them. We both shared such a stupid, warped sense of humor. It was a terrible situation and he took his life. He was in the middle of a nasty divorce and his kids chose to not be a part of his family. I have since lost my dad as well. It’s a weird feeling, I feel like I’m waiting to become an orphan. I remember thinking how stupid it was when people would talk about finding a “new normal”. There is nothing normal about it and never will be. The pain and sadness don’t go away or lessen, you just learn to live with it.
I’m sorry, i’ve been thinking about my estranged father lately, and this really hits me, even when you’re not close to someone, you can still miss the relationship you wish you had with them
Been 8 years in May that I lost one of my baby brothers suddenly. He was 23, in his prime, was an incredible firefighter, started his own side business doing lawns and trees. Had just married his high school sweet heart, had the most beautiful wedding. Didn’t even get to make it to his first wedding anniversary.
He survived a 40 foot fall out of a tree and lived. But once his pain meds were gone, he struggled with the long term pains he had. (To be fair he cracked his skull wide open so I totally understood.) Got a dirty pill off the streets and his wife found him taking his last breaths because of fentanyl.
It completely broke our family apart. No more holiday dinners. The funniest, silliest, most outgoing person in our family just taken in the blink of an eye.
Still to this day no one hardly says his name, though we all visit his grave very often. But my parents won’t openly talk about him anymore. Like a wound too deep to still touch.
No one went to therapy unfortunately. Most of my family turned to alcohol (myself included 5 years sober now though) or food.
It will suck forever. But you know what I suggest, going to therapy. Seriously.
Also wearing his clothes as often as possible. Make cakes on his birthday. Do the things you know he loved (I learned to hunt deer). It won’t bring him back but it’ll make you feel like he’s still there because you’re keeping his energy close.
I’m so sorry baby. Loss is - truly I have no words. There’s not enough words. Lost my brother in law and one of my best friends last year and it still feels so raw and new. If you ever need someone to scream into the void with, feel free to pm me ❤️🫂
Losing your siblings is so damn tough. You are still on the ocean of life, but your boat is missing some of it's crew. Some days are easier than others. And some days are tougher than all the rest.
I don't have any of the answers. Don't try figure out the why, it will never make any sense. Just be sure to tell his daughter the stories. Those ones only you know. She deserves to know that her dad was an amazing brother and a great guy.
Hey dear. I am also in this club. Wish it was better here. Many hugs to you. The first two years were the hardest for me. This September is year 7. I am doing a suicide prevention 5k around his anniversary and grief just sneaks up on you (like right now for me). Hugs
My sister died at 25. Fuck cancer. It’s been 20 years and I still feel like apart of me is missing, especially because I had to cut ties with my brother, and my parents are getting older. My parents also raised her son, so we got to watch him grow,but in the back of my mind, she should be here.
The second and third years were a lot harder than that first year for me, but your mileage may vary. The first year is when everyone still remembers. After that, it’s just family.
This is how I feel right now about my mom. It’s been a year and a half and I still think about her literally every day. The days I don’t are almost a relief until i remember and then feel and that I didn’t remember that day. Nobody liked my dumb jokes as much as she did, or even pretended to. I could bitch about all the dumb things in my life, and she’d listen. I could go over recipes with her, and make her those recipes, and see her enjoy them. Most days I just feel that emptiness, like something is missing.
Sending you the longest hug. I am so deeply sorry. The hardest thing about losing my son, is watching my daughters grow up without their big brother. It’s heart shattering over and over. I miss him. But GODS to they miss him. Holding space for you and your grief. We grieve together 🫂😭💐
Mine went and did the same thing 22 years ago today 😞 he never even got to meet my kids. Sorry to hear you and so many other commentors are in the club
My youngest brother died 10 years ago from stage IV colon cancer. He was almost 29 years old. We were close, and I have much the same feelings as you. He worked for the US park service. In some ways I’m glad he didn’t have to witness everything going on these days, including the decimation of protections for our public lands. In other ways, I wish he was here to protest with me, to send stupid jokes and memes to, see my kids grow up (he didn’t have any of his own) and weather this crazy period together. I realized yesterday that a famous sports figure was almost the same age as him (same birth year) and it was weird thinking of how he would be almost 40 now because in my head he’s frozen in time as the young man he was.
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u/trendingtattler AutoMaude 🤖🎀 Aug 08 '26
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