r/AITApod • u/NeglectedGoogle • 4h ago
AITA for telling my stepson why I stopped coming to his football games?
I've been married to my wife for five years. Her son is 15 and I've been going to his football games since he was 10.
His biological dad was mostly absent until recently. He started attending games again this season but apparently told my wife he felt uncomfortable having me there.
My wife asked if I could skip a few games so they could rebuild their relationship. I didn't agree with it, but I stayed home because I didn't want to make things harder for her son.
Last week my stepson asked why I stopped coming and whether I'd lost interest in his football. I told him the truth, that his mom had asked me to give his dad some space.
He got upset and confronted her. Now he's refusing to invite his biological dad to his next game and says he'd rather have me there.
My wife is furious because she thinks I deliberately made her look bad and ruined months of progress between them. She said I should've just told him I was busy.
I told her I wasn't going to let him think I stopped caring about something that's important to him.
AITA?
TL;DR: My wife asked me to stop attending my stepson's football games to accommodate his biological dad. I told him why I'd been absent, and now he doesn't want his dad attending.
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u/GrowFlowersNotWeeds 4h ago
Why does your wife expect you to sacrifice your relationship with her son, to make room for a relationship his biological father seems to have neglected?
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u/houmamiss 1h ago
Yeah, that seems backwards. Usually you want the stepfather to have a good relationship with your children. She’s an idiot to sabotage that.
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u/IsThisTheLife0 4h ago
No positive growth can be built on a foundation of lies. It is troubling that the scenario for reintroducing his biological father was being built on a ruse instead of all the adults talking to the soon to be adult. NTA
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u/Difficult-Housing931 4h ago
The son made a decision, mom needs to back off and respect it. Bio dad can repair his own relationship if he cares enough to do so. Sounds like mom still has a thing for the ex.
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u/Vivid-Farm6291 4h ago
NTA
Your wife should have discussed it with her son. Like an adult.
Hiding the truth only damages your relationship with your stepson, which isn’t fair.
Glad you told him the truth. Glad the boy appreciated you going to his games.
If bio dad disappeared and now suddenly wants to be front and centre, that takes effort and showing up consistently.
NTA
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u/AnneFromBoston 3h ago
Believe me, you were right to tell the truth! My (divorced) parents separately lied to me, each about different things. When you find out a parent has lied—especially when the purpose is to protect themselves—you never forget it.
You will find you’ve made a lifelong friend of your stepson because from your actions you showed him you’re an adult he can count on and trust.
I’m 80 now, and whenever I bother to think about it, I still feel the anger at my parents.
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u/Sleepy_kitty67 4h ago
He is 15 not 5. He is old enough to decide who he wants in his life and at his games.
You must be an awesome stepdad if he feels so strongly. NTA
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u/thinkevolution 3h ago
NTA
Lying would’ve just perpetuated the idea that you no longer cared about your stepson sport, which was not the truth. I think your wife is in the wrong here for asking you to step back in favor of bio Dad who now came back into the picture… If anything, she should’ve told bio Dad you’ve been gone for a while and our son now has a wonderful stepdad who cares for him and attends his games… Asking you to take a step back I think was completely inappropriate
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u/TCTX73 3h ago
NTA, the truth is never the wrong choice. Mom should have put the son's feelings before dad's. Dad is an adult and an absent father, his discomfort doesn't matter. It sounds like you and stepson have a good relationship, that matters. You are another source of love and support for this child, that's all that should matter to his biological parents.
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u/DoobieDoo0718 1h ago
Do not fall on the sword of your wife's poor decisions. Why would you lie? Oh, to make her not look like she's trying to sabotage your relationship with her kid in favour of the deadbeat who's now decided he has a kid.
Yikes.
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u/ArrivalFantastic4324 2h ago
“She said I should've just told him I was busy.”
Absolutely Not! Pure and simple that’s a lie. She’s wrong to expect you or ask you to lie to her son. You were right to tell him the truth. NTA
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u/Dame_Niafer 1h ago
NTA. Your wife wanted to sabotage your relationship with your stepson, AND she wanted you to lie about it to him, for her, and take the blame?
There is indeed an A in that, but it ain't you.
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u/houmamiss 1h ago
Definitely NTA. I wish my stepfather had cared about me like that. Your wife may be TA though.
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u/spakz1993 4h ago
Brother, you’re a man of integrity and did the right thing. I (F33) can’t BELIEVE you were asked to take steps back to accommodate for a deadbeat. Good fucking God, and she has the audacity to be pissed at YOU??? NTA.
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
I'm an automatic bot that backs up the body of the post in case OP deletes it. If you want this backup deleted, you'll have to reach out to a mod. Here's the back-up:
I've been married to my wife for five years. Her son is 15 and I've been going to his football games since he was 10.
His biological dad was mostly absent until recently. He started attending games again this season but apparently told my wife he felt uncomfortable having me there.
My wife asked if I could skip a few games so they could rebuild their relationship. I didn't agree with it, but I stayed home because I didn't want to make things harder for her son.
Last week my stepson asked why I stopped coming and whether I'd lost interest in his football. I told him the truth, that his mom had asked me to give his dad some space.
He got upset and confronted her. Now he's refusing to invite his biological dad to his next game and says he'd rather have me there.
My wife is furious because she thinks I deliberately made her look bad and ruined months of progress between them. She said I should've just told him I was busy.
I told her I wasn't going to let him think I stopped caring about something that's important to him.
AITA?
TL;DR: My wife asked me to stop attending my stepson's football games to accommodate his biological dad. I told him why I'd been absent, and now he doesn't want his dad attending.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/BeACodeMistake 3h ago
NTA.
His dad wasn't there and you were. Your wife is TA because she put her ex above her son and you. Who cares if her ex was uncomfortable? He wasn't there for years. He doesn't get to set the terms now. And to ask you to lie on top of it is not okay.
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u/Ignominious333 2h ago
NTA. He's old enough for the truth and he deserves to have one of his present and caring parents supporting him at his games.
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u/atchisonmetal 2h ago
NTA.
It makes my heart hurt to hear about this poor boy struggling thinking somebody he loves has lost interest in him.
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u/BleedSparta 2h ago
NTA. This is why playing stepdaddy is a thankless job
You’re stuck between pissing off your spouse about a kid that you didn’t create, or having to turn into a liar
I’d rather keep my integrity and avoid it completely
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u/Effective-Hour8642 2h ago
He's 15, he can handle it.
Just go. His bio-dad needs to get a hold of HIS feelings and consider his sons feelings. Mom needs to tell bio-dad that step dad is going to be there to support OUR, you & bio-dads, son.
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u/aspenpurdue 1h ago
NTA but the bio dad is. Bio dad needs to get over himself and be there for his kid. Doesn't mean he has to sit with you but he's got to get a grip on his insecurities.
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u/patchouligirl77 1h ago
NTA
Your wife may have asked you to skip a few games but she did not, nor should ever, ask you to lie to your son. That's her fault and it's the ex's fault for being insecure. If anything, he should be thanking you for doing the job he has failed at.
Your son asked and you told him. He is plenty old enough to decide of his 'dad' is worthy of a relationship with him. You've been the face in the stands all these years and I'm sure it hurt not seeing you there. That's not your fault at all and it's unfortunate your wife went about this all wrong. You sound like a good dad, OP, and you deserve to be at those games. Most importantly, your son wants you there.
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u/Barking13 4h ago
NTA. Being honest is never something to regret. Your wife is wrong and is just lashing out because she is embarrassed but she has to take accountability for meddling with a lie. Continue to be a man of integrity and honesty is key to that.