r/AITApod • u/Amelia_smail • 9h ago
AITApod AITA for refusing to give my younger sister our grandma’s ring after what she said about me?
I (20F) am a uni student. My grandma passed away two years ago and left me her gold ring with a small pearl. It’s not super expensive or anything, but it means the world to me because we were really close. My younger sister (19F) got engaged recently. She and her fiancé are pretty young and broke, so they’re trying to do everything on a tight budget. Last week at family dinner out of nowhere my sister asked if I’d just hand over grandma’s ring so her fiancé wouldn’t have to spend money buying one. I was honestly shocked and just said no, explaining that grandma gave it to me and I’m keeping it. She instantly got annoyed and said I don’t even need it anyway since I’m “just a student” and won’t be getting married anytime soon. Then she added that the ring is just sitting in my drawer doing nothing while she’s starting a “real adult life” and actually needs it.
That really got me. I work hard at uni and take my future seriously, so having her act like my life hasn’t started yet was pretty offensive. I told her that after disrespecting me like that my answer is a hard no.
She threw a fit and left and now she’s telling everyone in the family that I’m being selfish and petty over a silly comment. My brother texted me saying I’m taking it too personally and should just give her the rind to keep the peace.
AITA for sticking to my no?
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u/allieoops925 9h ago
It’s yours, let them buy their own ring.
Personally, I would start wearing it so somebody doesn’t decide to go ahead and take it from you when you’re not looking.
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u/celticmusebooks 9h ago
I would 100% secure that ring or at least tell sister that since she was concerned about the ring being "in a drawer" it's now in a bank safe deposit box.
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u/misstiff1971 9h ago
If your sister is living her “real adult life,” she needs to get her own engagement ring or not have one. If she and her “fiance” can’t afford a ring - how are they planning a wedding or to live as independent adults?
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u/christikayann 7h ago
It sounds like the sister needs a "real adult" fiance who can afford to buy her a "real adult" engagement ring.
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u/stephanyylee 9h ago
NTA. You're grandmother gave that to you for a reason. It's not an engagement ring just for the sake of an engagement ring. It's a beautiful connection to your grandmother that she had through her life that she wanted you to have.
It's not up to you to finance your sisters engagement. This is insane
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u/DollySheep32 9h ago
Anyone who told me to give them my grandma's ring she gave to me before her death is getting a much less graceful let-down than you gave her. NTA.
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u/Lighthouse_on_Mars 9h ago
NTA,
That's how inheritance works. You inherite a thing and it sits until you want to use it...
Next time point out if she wants to start an 'adult life' at the age of 19, that's means living within her means. Adults to don't expect others to pay their way. If her fiance can't afford an engagement ring, then go without until they can. Not to try and steal your inheritance.
It's not like she would ever give it back in the future.
Also, I went through this with family before. Had a cousin marry early and ended up, years later, being insanely jealous of her sister who went to school and got an education and was able to have an actual life.
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u/allergymom74 8h ago
You’re just a student and she’s just a teenage bride.
NTA. But getting married doesn’t make you an adult.
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u/sissybeth21 9h ago
NTA, that is your ring and not hers. I would however make sure it is somewhere that she can't find it. She seems like the type that would steal it (or someone else would steal it for her) and say you gave it to her. Then it would be her word against yours.
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u/Pure_Butterscotch165 9h ago
NTA not only because that was a gift from your grandmother to you, but also because a pearl is a terrible option for an engagement ring. Pearls are soft and will get damaged with everyday wear, so she would be taking your gift and destroying it.
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u/ArtfulAlice 7h ago
NTA This ring came to you because it was your grandma's wish for you to have it. It would be an insult to your grandmother's intentions for you to give it away. Your sister is being selfish, entitled and absolutely ridiculous.
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u/bia834 9h ago
That would be a hard NO. The ring was given to you by your grandmother and that was what she wanted to do with it. So, it is now in you to look after and cherish. Pass it down to one of your children in the future if you wish to do so.
I wish you sister luck but getting married at such a young age is setting herself up for disaster. They have not lived yet or experienced life. Most marriages end in divorce especailly ones that start at this age.
They are not even financially ready to take care of each other yet less buy a ring. Life is going to be hard for her and her husband. And with her attitude already, OH MY.
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u/RamenNoodles620 8h ago
NTA
Any idiot can get married. Does not equate to being an adult. Especially when you have to ask your 20 year old sibling for the ring that was left to them by their grandparents.
Keep the ring. Anyone that complains is welcome to help buy a ring for your sister.
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u/DimeStoPsychologist 8h ago
NTA... She doesn't need your inheritance to start her "adult life". Adults start their lives everyday broke. Tell everyone in the family that yes, you are being selfish and petty. You will not give up something so important to you for someone who could care less about you. F Peace and F everyone who sides with your selfish sister.
ETA... Tell family they can help sister and fiance and buy them a ring, now that will bring peace for everyone.
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u/Luckystroumph 9h ago
Gib ihn ihr nicht, du würdest ewig traurig sein, sie weiss ihn nicht zu schätzen 😔
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u/OpenRecommendation11 9h ago
NTA. The ring is your. If they cannot afford an engagement ring, they should wait to get engaged. Plus, pearls are terrible for engagement rings as they are not durable.
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u/therealsatansweasel 9h ago
Honestly if a deeply loved one passed and this happened to me,I'm afraid someone is getting a vocal reset.
NTA obviously,and its disturbing how many situations like this happen.
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u/Kind-Philosopher1 9h ago
NTA the ring is yours period.
On top of that, pearls make for horrible ending jewelry as they are very delicate and not for daily wear. Keep that irreplaceable heirloom close and safe, wear it with pride on special occasions.
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u/Ecstatic-Highway-246 8h ago
NTA!!!
Offer to pitch in $20 towards her finance’s ring fund… As your wedding present to them. And then talk about how sad it is that he can’t even afford a cheap ring.
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u/InternationalGood588 8h ago
Not only that pearls are not meant for daily wear. It would be ruined if worn as an engagement ring
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u/Mysterious513 7h ago
Nope. NTA at all. Your grandmother would be proud of you for planning a future you deserve.
The rest of your family kind of sucks.
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u/readinghisWord 7h ago
If he, or they, are on such a tight budget, Walmart has some inexpensive, but pretty rings. Suggest they go there. Besides your grandmother gave it to you and not her. I’m I’m sure she had her reason, but that doesn’t matter the ring is yours. Enjoy it.
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u/Character-Novel7927 7h ago
Your sister is an entitled Dickbiscuit. If your brother wants to keep the peace HE can buy a ring. You keep that ring close to you OP before it conveniently disappears from your drawer.
NTA.
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u/JustWhippet 7h ago
NYA-it’s your ring and she’s acting like a brat. But in addition, pearl makes a very poor engagement ring – it’s not durable enough to hold up to every day where. She would destroy that pearl and ring in no time.
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u/Commercial_Abroad267 7h ago
Uni is the beginning “of a real adult life.”The owner of the ring chose the recipient, it wasn’t her.
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u/AnnNonNeeMous 7h ago
- Tell your brother to buy the ring then.
- Make sure you hide your ring somewhere that your sister or even your brother can’t find it if they try to go through your things.
Definitely NTA…but your siblings sure are.
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u/Resort_Lizard 5h ago
NTA. I'm tired of hearing about relatives telling people to "keep the peace". If he wants to keep the peace, your brother can buy your sister a ring himself.
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u/Round-Card8587 4h ago
Do NOT give grandma’s ring to your selfish sister. G gave it to you for a reason & it’s not transferable. Actually, I feel sorry for your sister’s fiancée; the fact that he can’t afford a ring & she is demanding yours augurs badly for their future together. NTA & don’t back down. NO one NEEDS an engagement ring.
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u/Klutzy_Instance_4149 9h ago
Can we at least get some creative variety in these slop posts? Mix it up a bit. Same old same old all day every day.
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u/AutoModerator 9h ago
I'm an automatic bot that backs up the body of the post in case OP deletes it. If you want this backup deleted, you'll have to reach out to a mod. Here's the back-up:
I (20F) am a uni student. My grandma passed away two years ago and left me her gold ring with a small pearl. It’s not super expensive or anything, but it means the world to me because we were really close. My younger sister (19F) got engaged recently. She and her fiancé are pretty young and broke, so they’re trying to do everything on a tight budget. Last week at family dinner out of nowhere my sister asked if I’d just hand over grandma’s ring so her fiancé wouldn’t have to spend money buying one. I was honestly shocked and just said no, explaining that grandma gave it to me and I’m keeping it. She instantly got annoyed and said I don’t even need it anyway since I’m “just a student” and won’t be getting married anytime soon. Then she added that the ring is just sitting in my drawer doing nothing while she’s starting a “real adult life” and actually needs it.
That really got me. I work hard at uni and take my future seriously, so having her act like my life hasn’t started yet was pretty offensive. I told her that after disrespecting me like that my answer is a hard no.
She threw a fit and left and now she’s telling everyone in the family that I’m being selfish and petty over a silly comment. My brother texted me saying I’m taking it too personally and should just give her the rind to keep the peace.
AITA for sticking to my no?
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u/IntroductionOnly1037 9h ago
If she's starting a "real adult life" he can buy her a ring and not beg you for one. I'd suggest hiding yours before she steals it.
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u/Agitated_Musician_31 9h ago
She can literally get a nice moissanite ring off of Amazon for very little money. NTA and hide that ring.
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u/Witchy-Woman-1982 9h ago
NTA - your Grandma wanted you to have it. It is not your responsibility to provide a ring for your sister's engagement, or to "keep the peace". I would bet if your sister lost or damaged it, she would not care, you would be heartbroken, and she would not care about that either.
Keep the ring, there are so many cheap ring options out there that people buy to wear on vacation instead of risk losing their actual engagement or wedding rings (less than $100). I would advise to make sure the ring is in a safe place, based on her and your family's response, I wouldn't be shocked if it magically showed up on her finger one day.
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u/Disastrous-Panda5530 9h ago
NTA. But you need to hide that ring if you don’t plan on wearing it. Or she may steal it
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u/MyLadyBits 9h ago
Tell her she’s not starting an adult life if she’s counting on you to pay for it.
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u/DarkNightengale 9h ago
Ah, more AI slop. They're so obvious at this point. What a waste of a read.
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u/wanderover88 9h ago
So…are you the same person who’s cousin got upset cos grandma didn’t leave her anything and your family is telling you to share so you can “keep the peace”…???
🤣🤣🤮
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u/eat_my_feelings 8h ago
lol nobody ACTUALLY needs an engagement ring either. They WANT an engagement ring. It is not a requirement or a necessity. She can go without one until her future husband or herself can afford to buy her one. Or get a cheap $20 ring from Walmart as a placeholder if it’s that important to you.
Asking you to give up an important family heirloom that you cherish because she wants people to know she’s engaged is stupid and shitty.
NTA. Not even a little.
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u/jdbear70 8h ago
NTA. It sounds to me like you may need to set some boundaries with toxic family members. I think you should tell them all to FRO.
Adult life? She’s 19 and getting married to someone that they, together, can’t afford to buy a ring of similar value, even a thin gold band, then adulting is probably not going to come easy to them.
IMO, do NOT give her the ring. The ring was given to you, it is yours, and it has special significance to you, while she is just looking for a free solution. She will find a way to disappoint you and make this even worse than it already is because she doesn’t actually care about the ring. There’s no telling what broke teens will want that will make selling the ring seem like the thing to do.
She has already been disrespectful to you and if you don’t have a good feeling about giving her the ring, if you don’t just want to already, then don’t do it.
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u/Jonathan-Welford 8h ago
NTA - if she’s living a “real adult life” her future husband can buy her a real engagement ring, the tradition is that it’s the equivalent of three months wages, if you want to give her the grown up way.
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u/river_song25 8h ago
tell brother to buy her a ring then if he thinks it’s so important. why the hell should OP give up something their grandma left her when she died, that OP loves and wants for herself, and probably plans to wear herself eventually, probably as her own engagement/wedding ring when it comes up. why should OP have to give up her plans/dreams for the ring to let her sister have it for HER engagement ring so her boyfriend doesn’t have to spend money for one for her, and OP has to see what is supposed to be HER ring on her sisters hand for the rest of their lives? plus what does OP get out of this trade exactly other than the loss of the ring she loves and wants?
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u/groovymama98 8h ago
So little sis thinks a man is a plan. You're laying a foundation for a solid future. Your grandma gave you the ring because she wanted you to have the ring. Peace for everyone but you?Keep the ring, you're on solid ground. Be a role model for little sis. She's gonna need one.
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u/Spiritual_Room_7710 8h ago
NTA. I always love it when the one being wronged is told to keep the peace. Stand your ground and do not give your entitled and selfish sister the ring. Anytime you are going to be around her wear it proudly.
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u/Altruistic_Type1032 8h ago
Hide your ring! She’s going to scratch in your drawer and take it. She’s entitled!
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u/joedude1965 8h ago
Why is it that everyone expects the asshole to get their way for “Peace” it’s the exact opposite of what you should do.
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u/Actual_Magician6892 6h ago
If she wants something affordable then I'd give her a gumball ring. Don't give her something that is of tremendous sentimental value that is legally yours and if she doesn't like it then maybe they should hold off until they can afford a ring of her own
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u/SadFaithlessness8237 5h ago
You’d better put that ring in a safe deposit box, because she’s going to take it.
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u/Such_Temporary_3125 5h ago
They can shove their "peace" up their ass. This isn't an engagement ring it's an heirloom from your grandmother for her eldest granddaughter, specifically. Not for "whenever gets married first",or she would have willed it that way.
Tell your sister if they're that hard up that her finance can afford a gold band for $60 then he shouldn't have proposed.
I would argue that if they're too poor to buy a ring, they're too poor to get married and "start a life".
You didn't start off on a good foot by manipulating people out of their things.
Also OP, you better hide that ring! Sister know exactly where it is and she'll going to take it the first chance she gets. NTA
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u/Dangerous-Name-220 5h ago
Nta tell dear big brother that grandma give me the ring. It little sister who not keeping the peace. Go ahead and play the blame game like the children you both are.
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u/Total_Awareness_5013 4h ago
Why do people…..especially family members….get so dang entitled???? Speaks VOLUMES of their basic character! Keep what grandma gave you! Wear it!!!!! No reason to keep it in a drawer, but if you do…..consider it a risk of theft from Little Miss Important! Sounds to me that she’s not above it!!!!!
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u/Ok-Concern-7770 2h ago
Do NOT give up that ring. In fact make sure it is in a safe place so and she has no access to it.
How entitled to demand a ring left to someone else.
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u/Dame_Niafer 1h ago
She is ridiculous and the rest of your family are being even more so. Let them buy her a ring, for heaven's sake, especially since she wants to economize on it so badly that she's ready to demand yours.
I can't help wondering if she resents the fact that grandma gave it to you and is just looking for an excuse to take it from you. Either way, it's yours.
Do yourself a favor. Put it in a safe deposit box. If your family is siding with her, you don't want anyone getting to it. And pearls are fragile. Easily damaged. Put it somewhere safe, and don't even let her borrow it. Or anyone else, for that matter.
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u/Milame77 43m ago
Maybe the boyfriend could ask for a ring from his family? Perhaps there's a grandmother's ring to be given or something? Why does it have to be a ring that has already been gifted? Incredibly rude.
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u/rainbow_369 4m ago
Start wearing the ring. Wearing a ring doesn't have to mean that it is an engagement ring.
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u/1happynewyorker 3m ago
It's a favorite word on reddit selfish. You have something that she wants and that makes you selfish?
It would be tacky in general and not the point of you giving her fiancee the ring to give to your sister. Weird!
It's a ring that was give to you. Because of your relationship with your grandmother.
Ignored your sister's bitterness.
I think if it's just a ring to your brother he should help his future BIL buy a ring.
NTA
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u/FeralSweater 2m ago
Pearls are fragile, and are not suited for daily wear when mounted on rings. Also, your sister can go pound sand.
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u/loquella88 9h ago
I mean brother can buy her a ring to keep the peace 😂