When did you get your first period after tfmr? How many weeks along were you? Did you ovulate regularly after your first cycle or were you irregular?

I'll be 4 weeks post tfmr tomorrow and I'm very eager to get my first period so we can start TTC

UPDATE: 4 weeks 3 days today post tfmr and I started my period! I had some pretty wicked PMS the last 3 days (I've always had intense PMS symptoms) so I was definitely very suspicious that I'd be starting soon!

I'm 3 days post TMFR and the only thing that is getting me through this time is the thought of TTC again. The plan was always to TTC as soon as safe but this empty feeling inside is killing me. I'm obsessing about ttc again - how I'm going to try and track ovulation, supplements.

Anyone else feel like this?

Our first pregnancy ended in a TFMR, and we're absolutely terrified this could happen again. Diagnosis was DORV, severe pulmonary atresia, VSD, 2 vessel cord, atypical placenta with placenta insufficiency. We were told there is a 3-5% reoccurrance rate. That doesn't make us feel any better considering it was a 1% chance in our first pregnancy.

We're still waiting to find out if the amniocentesis identifies a genetic cause, but even if we move forward with IVF, there's no guarantee this won't happen again.

Did you go on to have a successful pregnancy? Did this ever happen to you again? We'd really appreciate hearing your experience.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your comments. I've read each and everyone of them. I'm sorry that we're all here. Your comments give me hope.

Hi everyone,

I am so thankful for this group and the support we give each other and so sorry we are here 🥹.

I’m looking for experiences from women who have been through something similar, because I’m feeling very torn right now.

Almost 3.5 months ago, I Tfmr at 23 weeks & 4 days.We found out during the pregnancy that she had Triple X syndrome (47,XXX) and some other issues in her heart. She was my first baby, and these past months have been incredibly difficult.

Physically, I have recovered well. My periods returned fairly quickly and have been regular, and my doctor has told me that we can start trying again when we feel ready. I am considering to begin my TTC journey after my 4th period and 4 months from my TFMR.

The problem is that I don’t know what “ready” is supposed to feel like after something like this.

Part of me desperately wants to be pregnant again. I want a baby so much, and waiting sometimes feels unbearable. Another part of me is terrified. I’m scared of getting pregnant and spending the entire pregnancy waiting for something to go wrong. I’m scared of genetic testing, ultrasounds, NIPT results, CVS/amniocentesis, and all those milestones that used to feel exciting but now feel frightening.

And then there is the guilt. Sometimes I wonder if trying again only four months after losing my daughter is “too soon,” emotionally or physically. I know another baby would never replace her — she will always be my daughter and part of our family — but I still have this enormous need to try again and hopefully bring a baby home.

For those of you who experienced something like this.

How long did you wait before trying again?

Were you scared when you actually started trying?

Did you ever feel truly “ready,” or did you just decide to try despite the fear?

If you became pregnant again, how did you cope with the anxiety during the next pregnancy?

And if you tried again around 3–6 months after your loss, do you feel now that it was the right timing for you?

I would really appreciate hearing your experiences — both the positive and the difficult ones. I think I just need to hear from women who understand 🥹.

Just looking for some hope in this hard time right now. I would love to hear your stories of successful pregnancies and children after TFMR. Please share your positive stories ❤️

Had a tfmr at 24 weeks in July. I’ve never experienced such grief. I have a LC 2 years old and so many times I’ve cried in front of her. I feel like I’m not giving her my best self, I’m always sad. If I do smile it’s like I’m pretending. I don’t feel like meeting anyone on weekends but if I don’t I spiral. My kid is the only reason I’m not completely breaking apart. The first month was really tough but somehow my brain became hopeful that we’ll soon become pregnant again (God will surely bless us soon after going through hell) but we’ve tried 2 cycles with no luck. And when I got my period this time, I had the most difficult day in 3 months. My husband is in it with me but I still feel lonely like nobody understands this. Therapist wasn’t much help, I don’t feel like discussing with friends, talking to mom doesn’t help. I just want this phase to be over.

So I had a TFMR in june due to severe skeletal dysplasia. I knew i wanted to try again straight away, so we did. It unfortunately ended in a miscarriage. I have read so many times after people have had a TFMR, the subsequent pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I feel like somehow this is way to common to be a coincidence?

Has anyone else had a TFMR, a miscarriage, then a healthy pregnancy? Im so terrified of any of this happening again 😞

I am one week post TFRM and all I can think about is when I can try again. I obsess over when my period will return, when I will ovulate again, when I could possibly get a positive test, how long it will take, milestones, etc. Then I immediately get overwhelmingly anxious about how horrible the wait will be from the positive test to the NIPT and how I won’t have a moment of peace even beyond that and it all makes me so sad/angry.

I want to start tracking my ovulation with OPKs just to see if I am ovulating again but I don’t know if my body will still be producing low levels of HCG that will throw it off. I have continued taking my prenatal and folic acid supplements but wondering if I should add CoQ10 for me and my husband. I obsess over how much we both drink (me not at all, him moderate), if his showers are too hot, what we’re eating, if we’re being active enough. I obsess over him going out of town two months from now when I think maybe I could possibly be ovulating. I look up due dates based on possible conception windows, try to figure out when I could get the NIPT done, etc. Try to picture myself pregnant at different milestones from my lost pregnancy (her due date, Thanksgiving and Christmas). It’s exhausting and absolutely consumes me. I don’t know what to do or how to stop. I just feel like I won’t heal and my husband and five year old who is processing the loss of her little sister will not heal until we have a healthy baby. And I also feel like no one understands the extent of this grief and obsession. It’s all I think about.

I (28F) and my husband (30M) just had a TFMR 3 days ago. We lost our baby girl to trisomy 18 at 14 weeks, after our baby's NT (8.1mm) and eFTS (positive) was flagged at her 12 week scan. An early anatomy scan in the days that followed revealed a heart defect, fluid in her lungs (fetal hydrops) and several physical anomalies, along with high risk NIPT for trisomy 18 which was confirmed with CVS. We are devastated. This was our first ever pregnancy, and it took us exactly 1 year of trying to conceive that pregnancy. We prepped our bodies for a year, took prenatals and all the supplements, ate the right foods, avoided alcohol / caffeine / smoking, exercised, I even did fertility accupuncture. No family history either on either side for genetic conditions. It feels like despite being young when the odds should have 'been in our favour' we did all the right things only to still end up with a traumatic outcome that was out of our control. Unfortunately I know noone else who went through this, so its hard for me to process how to move forward or even cope - being stuck between mourning the baby we just lost and enduring that pain and so badly wanting a family in the future and knowing that will only happen once we heal. We ultimately want to wait 2 cycles to mentally / physically heal and get back our genetic testing for me and my husband before ttc but I'm terrified. The doctors told us the likelihood of this happening again is extremely low and it was "just bad luck" but its completely changed my perception of pregnancy (the innocence truley is lost after an experiance like this). Is there light at the end of the tunnel? For those that did get their rainbow babies or experianced something similar - how long did it take and any tips to move forward in this process (anything in terms of healing, health recovery, things you did different etc)?

Does anyone else ever feel like having a healthy baby and bringing them home seems almost impossible?

It took us almost two years to conceive my sweet baby..and I had been taking folic acid, vitamins and doing everything I possibly could for such a long time.

Then, after finally getting pregnant, we lost him..

Now when I think about trying again, having a healthy pregnancy and a baby to bring home feels like such a huge mountain to climb..

I really want to believe it can happen for us, but sometimes it just feels so far away..

Has anyone else felt like this and eventually had their healthy baby? 🤍

I am going to terminate my pregnancy this week due to T21. It resulted from the first IVF attempt, and we still have three blastocysts. I want to schedule another transfer as soon as possible, but I am so afraid that it might not work out. I am 37, and I feel like I am running out of time.

I’m scheduled for TFMR this Friday for T21. I’m heart broken and getting second thoughts about if I am doing the right thing?

The ultrasounds looked normal other than baby measuring small. The CVS FISH results confirmed T21.

What can I ask in the hospital to honor my little boy?

I also wanted to ask or listen about experiences of healthy pregnancy after TFMR.

I’m sorry for anyone including me who’s put into this situation. I don’t wish this upon anyone.

For some context, I can only get pregnant through IVF. We did an egg retrieval three years ago that resulted in two embryos. Our first transfer gave us our daughter, who is now 2.5 yrs old.

Our second and final embryo transfer resulted in a pregnancy that we TFMR at 18 weeks due to multiple major malformations and a high-risk/positive diagnosis for T21.

I’m only one month post-TFMR, so I know I may not be in the right place to make any big decisions yet, but I’m really struggling with what comes next.

Before this transfer, my husband and I had agreed that if it didn’t work, we would close the chapter on trying to have another child. But this feels different than a failed transfer or early loss. We made it nearly halfway through the pregnancy. We were excited, planning for a second child, and had already started picturing what our family and life would look like with two kids.

Now, I’m feeling a strong urge to try again, which would mean starting over with another egg retrieval and another round of IVF. At the same time, I’m terrified of the road ahead. There are no guarantees with IVF and after everything we’ve been through, I’m scared of going through another pregnancy and facing the possibility of another devastating outcome.

I also hate the thought of closing this chapter after TFMR. Part of me feels like I’m supposed to keep trying until I get my “rainbow baby” but I also know that isn’t always possible or necessarily the right decision for everyone.

For those who went through IVF and then had to TFMR, especially if you had to decide whether to do another round of IVF or stop TTC, how did you make that decision? How did you know when you were ready to try again or when it was time to let go of the dream of another child?

Right now, I feel torn between not wanting to give up and being terrified to keep going. I’m also in my late 30s, which makes me feel like there is some pressure.

I‘m almost 11 weeks post TFMR at 16w4d and do better than I expected for the most part. I’ve started casually searching for therapists who have also TFMR. While I’m not ready to close the TTC chapter for several more years, I’m clearly not ready to TTC again right now, and the last couple weeks, I started wondering if risking going through this again is even worth it. All the pain and stress I felt from opening the NIPT results to the early post TFMR weeks makes me appreciate everyday life so much and soak it all in. I felt like everyone else’s lives kept moving like normal while I was in limbo. I’ve had no worse feeling in 37 years of life, and never want to feel that bad again. What if another child ends up with something that can’t be tested for or detected before birth? Some people in that situation will admit it is devastating, and I can’t help but think, “What if?”…I know/know of some awesome people without kids and realize it may not be the end of the world if that winds up being us.

We have been TTC seriously now for 3 months after TFMR in March at 20 weeks. Last month my period was 3 days late which made me hopeful… and then I was shattered when I got it. For some reason this month my period was FIVE days late!! At some point after 3 days I shifted from hoping I was pregnant to hoping I wasn’t. The thought of beginning the process and going to the appointments again just hit me like a brick wall and I was begging for my period.

I hate this entire process. The tracking, the stress, the counting, the waiting. This sucks. There’s no fun or enjoyment and it makes me question if I want to do this at all.

Does anyone else feel the same? For the last 5 months all I wanted was to be pregnant SO badly. Was it because that’s what is best for me, or because I want the baby I lost?

My husband and I had to TFMR at 19 weeks due to PPROM at 17 weeks back in March. To say it has been a rough few months would be an understatement.

I am currently 12 weeks with a subsequent pregnancy. I have an OB that I trust who is taking lots of precautions. We haven’t told anyone. I can’t deal with people being excited when all I feel is all-consuming fear and dread. I feel like the hormones are making me more depressed? Or maybe being pregnant again is making me relive it all again? Or maybe this is just what it feels like to have lost a baby regardless of the new one inside. Either way, I barely feel like a person. I don’t know how to exist with this fear and dread and sadness on top of the loneliness by keeping the secret. But I also worry that telling everyone we’re pregnant just to have another failed pregnancy will kill me all over again. I don’t know. I’m not sure how to cope. I just needed to vent to people that understand.

TW: sub-pregnancy I read so many inspiring stories here on other posts of people having a perfect pregnancy and healthy baby right after TFMR. The day has finally come, and according to my last period, I am roughly 6 weeks pregnant, and also in full-blown panic mode. My partner is beyond ecstatic, but my very first worry is if I am having an ectopic pregnancy or not because the left side is experiencing random feelings of dull pain. This did not happen during my first pregnancy, and I know that every pregnancy is different, but I can never feel bliss about a pregnancy ever again. My OB is out of town and can’t see me until the 22nd, and because of the traumatic experience I had with my previous pregnancy, I have a hard time trusting seeing anyone else with my care. I know no one here can give any advice on if it is or isn’t ectopic pregnancy, but it would really help to hear peoples’ concerns that they had that ended up being nothing and just simply a pregnancy symptom of the uterus stretching or anything else. I’m at the point where I might just call P.P. and see if they can do an ultrasound just so I can have this assurance that the fetus is where it should be. Thank you for listening to me, as always. The pregnancy after TFMR group scared me with many peoples testing at home and other random things.

ETA: In my previous pregnancy that resulted in TFMR, my then OB didn’t put in the NIPT at the 11w appt like she was supposed to, did it at the 15w, and then scolded me that I was upset that the test wasn’t done at 11w, even though her receptionist assured me that the test was in. Her exact words “if you don’t like it here, you can just go somewhere else.” And every appt she tried to bully me into doing a Pap smear even though I kept telling her that I had a healthy result already for 2025 at a diff practice and she faulted me that her office hadn’t gotten those results. Lastly, when she called me to tell me the results (+ for T21), she was very cold and factual about it. I had already planned on switching because I managed to switch insurances and was with this one because of of my bad insurance at the time, but it was a rough go with her,

This is my first time posting but I have been following since I got my NIPT back in April. I just know this is the only place I can go to and people truly understand my feelings and pain. We lost our son in May at 19 weeks due to Trisomy 13 and life has just been extremely difficult since. We had a D&E and that process went smoothly. Since, we have had 2 chemical pregnancies and I now have to get a hysteroscopy and D&C done at the end of November due to SIS showing possible scar tissue or RPOC. It just feels like I can’t catch a break or get one foot in front of the other without being knocked down again. In addition to all of this I have been fighting with insurance for the last 2 months because they are refusing to cover the procedure and saying it was elective. The pain and agony I have already been experiencing then for the insurance company to make me feel like a villain when we all know the heartache and what it takes to come to this decision. It’s also my due month and both of my sisters and best friend are all expecting in the upcoming months. Life is really unfair and I’m exhausted/defeated. Obviously, with everything TTC has to be put on hold which is also really bothering me but maybe it will allow me to truly grieve. I’m tired of being in pain and having this physical ache in my chest that people don’t understand unless they have lived this life. Tired of acting like I’m okay when I’m crumbling inside. I am in therapy which helps a lot. I am looking to find more ways to help with grief and expressing feelings. I am able to do daily activities and function. I work and take care of our daughter. Most of my sadness comes around my period when hormones are fluctuating so maybe things that helped others around that time.

Thank you everyone for allowing me to vent and listening to me. This group has helped me in so many ways just by reading others post and knowing I’m not alone and my feelings are valid.

Did anyone need to TFMR via c section? My D&E failed and I had to have an emergency c section. I was going to start ttc right after my cycle returned after the D&E. The drs I’ve seen while recovering in the hospital told me that I needed to wait 6mo. I’m curious what this has looked like for other c section terminations. I was 21w when I had my procedure.

I tfmr at 22 weeks 8 weeks ago today. It was my first pregnancy. Throughout pregnancy I was so anxious and scared and felt what am I doing. I’ll never know if it was normal or not as we chose to terminate due to spina bifida.

2 months out I thought I’d be ready to try again but this whole experience has made me unsure if I want kids. That was traumatic. Two of my worst fears my child had severe life altering disabilities and I lost him.

I see a lot of comments about people can’t wait to try again bc they know they need to be a mom (and I’m happy for them) but I don’t know how to feel. I always said I wanted kids more then I didn’t but this just opened a lot of fears for me and if it hurts this much how can I handle if something happened to them later in life.

Has anyone felt like this and it shifted with time?

(I hope this is the right place to put this). Hoping that there is someone out there in this community who knows how this feels…? We lost our son to TFMR three years ago after TTC for a year. We then tried for a year afterwards - naturally, IUI, IVF, many surgeries and procedures - and when the IVF failed we decided to take a break and revisit when the time felt right. That was two years ago and it never felt right. We decided to stop trying and enjoy our lives for all the beauty they have now. But we are simply at an age where everyone around us has kids or is getting pregnant and it’s feels so heavy. As much therapy and support and communication and checking in with my husband and checking in with myself that I do, the triggers are incessant. Triggers that remind me of my loss and remind me of the injustice of suffering through infertility after such a devastating loss. I felt so confident about our choice to stop trying for a good long while and now, just inundated with pregnancy announcements, it’s so hard to not drown in the narrative around me that we should have kept trying. What was all that struggle for if not to eventually have a child. If I sit down and truly think about what I want for my life, I’m at peace about not trying anymore. But what I want is my boy. What I want is for the TFMR to have never happened. I guess im wondering if there is anyone or any couples out there who decided to not TTC after their TFMR and have found peace in their lives. Thank you in advance ❤️

At age 44, I managed to get pregnant, but my baby boy had T21 and I terminated last September. I have found my decision very hard to live with. I probably would have kept my baby if I could have been assured of a "better" outcome in terms of overall health and mental impairment. That ambiguity has haunted me.

My insurance covered IVF, so after my termination, we went that route, without success. Now we have to decide if we should try to conceive naturally.

At my age, the odds of having another baby with T21 are about 10% at 10 weeks. If I have to face that decision again, I don't think I'll decide differently, but I don't know how I'll live with myself. We have a wonderful little boy who is almost 3 and know we are so, so lucky to have had a healthy child at my advanced age. But I would really, deeply love for him to have a sibling in this world. And my partner doesn't like the idea of adoption or donor eggs.

Is it wrong to try to conceive when my baby's risk for T21 is so high? We previously decided against natural conception for exactly this reason, but now, faced with the prospect of simply accepting that we won't have another child, I have second thoughts. I would like to know how others would view this in the hopes something helps me stop going back and forth.

Just what the title says. I'm just seeking some advice/ personal stories of how being pregnant after a loss or TFMR helped with your grief or made it so much worse. I had a second trimester TFMR and I wanted my baby SO BAD. Im still devastated. But I'm also having a hard time being around my young daughter because I feel like in a way I took her sister from her (even though she wouldn't have survived either way) im interested to hear from you guys. Thank you!

It looks like my pregnancy was a partial molar pregnancy and I’m just feeling really defeated.

I had hoped to start trying to conceive again as soon as possible (on the outset of this, the idea of waiting 8 weeks even felt long). Im about to be 35 and feel desperate in a way I didn’t before ttc.

This pregnancy was so hard. My HCG level before my tfmr at 20 weeks was 800k. My ovaries became cystic and I lost 15 pounds from pre-pregnancy. My son had triploidy and I’m waiting to confirm it was a PMP but it’s looking extremely likely alongside symptoms and pathology. Learning about what that all entails…weekly blood tests, potential cancer (though treatable), waiting for months for all the HCG to leave my body. I’m just feeling like the road could be so long.

So many people here have suffered their own host of indignities on top of the loss…tfmr after IVF, multiple losses, lack of support. I’m so lucky in so many ways, but it’s a tough pill to swallow.

I’m trying to focus on my health but I just don’t trust my body right now.

How do you all deal with the hopeless spirals? Are any of you on the other side of a pmp loss?