r/technology • u/thinkB4WeSpeak • Sep 11 '26

Society Dating Apps Are Dying

https://time.com/article/2026/09/09/dating-apps-are-dying/
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656

u/HawkeyeJones Sep 11 '26

2009 OkCupid in Los Angeles was a friggin gold mine. Tons of amazing women on an easy-to-use app.

502

u/BankshotMcG Sep 11 '26

if you were a guy with a job and a sense of humor looking for anything more than a hookup, you could bat so high above your league, it was a paradise.

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u/0xB4BE Sep 11 '26 edited Sep 11 '26

I can see that! On the flip side, I met so many guys through OKC that were really fun online and by the end of the first date I knew exactly why they were still single.

But I also met some incredible and wonderful people, and most importantly, the love of my life of the last 14 years ♥️

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u/Slobotic Sep 11 '26

On the other hand, those men were getting dates!

Screwing up a date is the only way to learn sometimes. Hopefully some of them softened up after a few more attempts.

When socially awkward men marinate in loneliness and hopelessness too long bad things can happen. I wouldn't want to take away their outlet for trying, failing, and trying again.

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u/BankshotMcG Sep 11 '26

A healthy view.

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u/YearAfterYear82 Sep 12 '26

This is the kind of discussion I want to see out in the world when this topic comes up.

Dating is not supposed to be perfect. You can't figure out what you want if you aren't even in the game. The dating apps have contributed to a pretty large percentage of people not participating at all, and people (mostly women, just sayin') will go "well, those were the losers not worth dating anyway", or something along those lines. We all have to learn. None of this is sustainable. Also, the dating apps fucked with peoples heads in terms of what is out there and what they can actually get. Shit all over me but I think it's not bad to lower your standards a bit. When your standard was way too high to begin with, you absolutely need to. The damage is done, though, and there will not be any significant "correction" anytime soon.

BTW I'm mid-40's and it does not get better. It's not just a young guy thing.

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u/Cute-Jury2159 Sep 11 '26

This is an excellent point and what is lacking with today’s youth imo

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u/garrettbmusic Sep 13 '26

Thank you for this!

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u/Uppgreyedd Sep 11 '26

really fun online and by the end of the first date I knew exactly why they were still single.

On the other hand, those men were getting dates!

Too bad those people weren't incentivized to become better versions of themselves. Men, women, whoever. The assumption became "I'm good enough as I am, it's your job to meet me here". And honestly, for a lot of people, that wasn't enough. That's about where the dating app landscape became a barren wasteland, when people were convincing themselves "well, at least I'm getting first dates, it must be something wrong with them", and not putting in the bare minimum effort to have basic social skills and interests.

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u/Slobotic Sep 11 '26

Too bad those people weren't incentivized to become better versions of themselves.

I mean... Some of them did. I did. I humiliated myself a couple times on first dates and grew from the experiences. I was also a kind and patient date for some women who were even more awkward than I was, and I hope that was a positive experience for them.

Everyone needs the opportunity to shed their awkwardness and grow as a person, even if not everyone takes advantage.

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u/halt_spell Sep 11 '26

The assumption became "I'm good enough as I am, it's your job to meet me here"

Lol no it didn't.

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u/0xB4BE Sep 11 '26

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"

There were a lot of people who clearly didn't feel like they needed to improve.

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u/halt_spell Sep 11 '26

I remember seeing that in my 20s but I'm pretty sure that's just 20 year old things. It's not something people my age have said in years.

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u/Uppgreyedd Sep 11 '26

Lol no it didn't.

And that's why dating apps are what...thriving? It absolutely did, if you met anyone on these apps in the last 5 years you'd have seen that most people out there aren't about personal growth but about presenting themselves as already complete whole persons. And they're usually not.

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u/halt_spell Sep 11 '26

You should probably pick up a mirror my guy.

That hasn't been my experience at all.

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u/Uppgreyedd Sep 11 '26

Right, clearly you're in the "already good enough" group

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u/halt_spell Sep 11 '26

Lol what? I've made some pretty significant life changes in the past year alone.

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u/Uppgreyedd Sep 11 '26

I believe you

1

u/halt_spell Sep 11 '26

Lol tell me a bit about your journey of self improvement bud.

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u/Uppgreyedd Sep 11 '26

I'm really not interested in dating you

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u/Impossible_Tea_7032 Sep 12 '26

Must have been exhausting for you knowing every single one of them personally and keeping tabs this whole time

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u/0xB4BE Sep 11 '26 edited Sep 11 '26

I agree, but I would also add tha no one owes another person a date either.

You have a great point though re: dating being a learning experience. They are and it's okay not to be compatible and it's okay to mess up the date. As long as you learn from your mistakes.

I actually learned the most going to bars and talking to random people in person. Nothing to lose there and I didn't expect to find love at a bar nor did I. It was just about learning how to make a connection with people quickly and have a great conversation.

People are more ready to have a chat with a stranger at a bar, so it was a kind of an oblique way to practice for future. It has served my introverted self really well in my career, too.

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u/Slobotic Sep 11 '26

I never said or suggested anyone owes anyone a date.

I like everything else you have to say though.

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u/0xB4BE Sep 11 '26

I understand it wasn't fully your intent, but it also came across a bit like we need to keep lonely men engaged through a venue which then on the flip side feels like adding to the burden for women to entertain more of these men.

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u/md8716 Sep 11 '26

I dont think it came across like that at all. It was a rather wholesome take.

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u/IngsocIstanbul Sep 12 '26

I sure learned through plenty of mistakes. Still am but at least I got one to like me!

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u/Competitive-Fudge505 Sep 11 '26

The way you guys whiplash between “you should have chosen better” and “give a guy a chance” is so crazy to me.

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u/Slobotic Sep 11 '26

I'm only one person.

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u/zaxo666 Sep 11 '26

A very healthy view. That should be the tag line for some new dating method ...