r/mildlyinfuriating • u/esli- • Aug 24 '26

ಠ_ಠ This crazy assassin character, who doesn't know what shampoo is, somehow would bother shaving her armpits

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Bart from Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

EDIT: I will no longer read and respond to comments, I think I've read pretty much all the arguments people (mostly men) give me against my post, so feel free to scroll down to check my responses before commenting, kay bye :]

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1.6k

u/Unstabler69 Aug 24 '26

That reminds me of my pet peeve of stone age people always having long, scraggly unkempt hair. Do they think our ancestors could figure out fire but couldnt figure out how to take a sharp rock and hack off some hair?

1.4k

u/wilderneyes Aug 24 '26

I also refuse to believe they wouldn't at least finger-comb it, and maybe tie it back out of the way in very simple fashion. Humans are extremely social, I absolutely think people in ancient eras would have helped each other groom their hair. It's just way more comfortable and practical to not have it be matted and wild.

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u/EEEGuba69 Aug 24 '26

Theres very old bone/ivory combs

263

u/taxiecabbie Aug 24 '26

People probably also made them out of sticks.

Those just didn't last.

333

u/TheAsterism_ Aug 24 '26

isnt it crazy how everyone always used ivory tools and lived in caves?

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u/Elu_Moon Aug 24 '26

Everyone seems to forget that we actually know very, very little of what happened during Stone Age. Best we can do are guesses, and we can only guess on what we have found. And just because we haven't found something, doesn't mean it wasn't there, like all the organic-based stuff.

106

u/Machaeon Aug 24 '26

Likely some of the oldest technology other than stone hand axes and simple shard blades was...

String.

There is SO MUCH that can be done with string, and it's a foundational technology to so many other things that require attaching two items together. But it's organic and won't preserve well.

29

u/NeblessClem Aug 24 '26

As said by Spike Milligan "String is a very useful thing Rope is thicker But string is quicker"

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u/PuzzleheadedOil8826 Aug 24 '26

It’s called the string revolution in the academic literature! And you are absolutely right, it made all the difference. Very little survives but what does tells us so much about how complex the material culture of these people was. There is the earliest known example of nalbinding from a Mesolithic site in Denmark- a type of fabric making with string like knitting. And there are the incredible Mesolithic fish baskets found in Ireland that are woven together with string in S and Z knots which are the basis of modern weaving!!!
We tend to focus on what easily survives (like the airplane from WW2 above) and that skews our research.

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u/fanny_price Aug 24 '26

the string revolution

Not an easy thing to google.

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u/NoaBoa369 Aug 24 '26

Yeah, you have to type out exactly 'string revolution in the academic literature' with '-theory', and only then will you get some results. Otherwise all the results are String Theory or that band.

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u/Bohzee Aug 24 '26

I believe certain dinosaurs have been victim by gigantic poisonous slugs and I'll die on that hill.

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u/Rubbermate93 Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26

Completely true.

The oldest surviving comb we found (2700 bce) was also specifically a licecomb. So clearly they must have had regular combs for much longer, you don't invent the licecomb before tue regular comb.

Edit: woops, got the year wrong, it was 1700 bce.

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u/Formal_Owl_400 Aug 24 '26

You've never tried to comb your hair with a stick, and it shows.

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u/taxiecabbie Aug 24 '26

You could absolutely make a semi-functional comb out of sticks if you had something to tie the sticks together with.

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u/ManlyOldMan Aug 24 '26

They don't mean a random stick with the bark still on it. Just like a bone comb doesn't mean a random bone you find in the wild. 

A stick that is smoothened can absolutely work as a comb. 

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u/Zealousideal-Deer101 Aug 24 '26

Shit animals groom their hair and the cavemen still are more intelligent than the animals

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u/Shaeress Aug 24 '26

Every close relative to humans: Spends hours grooming themselves and their kin every day as a useful bonding activity.

Humans in caves with only rock tools for some reason: Shaves armpits perfectly with a stick somehow but refuses to help anyone in their pack untangle a knot in their hair.

54

u/Zealousideal-Deer101 Aug 24 '26

He shaved his armpits in cave!
With a bunch of rocks!

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u/The-Spirit-of-76 Aug 24 '26

Ugg is trendsetter.

-3

u/FM596 Aug 24 '26

It was a she.
You forgot your glasses again.

10

u/Zealousideal-Deer101 Aug 24 '26

Tanja Stark shaved her armpits in cave!
With a bunch of rocks!

1

u/FM596 Aug 24 '26

OK, you have my forgiveness!

20

u/RevolutionaryLog7443 Aug 24 '26

Cavemen were just as "intelligent" as us

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u/[deleted] Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Theory89 Aug 24 '26

50,000 years ago a massive eruption (Toba) reduced us to 10,000. We had a massive surge in brain power around then, in theory because it was needed to survive this. We aren't entirely sure if this is why, but we do know we got smarter around then.

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u/UnoriginalStanger Aug 24 '26

A quick google seems to put this into the debunked category, maybe be a bit more source critical?

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u/Nikoladge Aug 24 '26

Shit animals groom their hair

I'm not familiar with shit animals, only regular ones, but I agree

84

u/ringobob Aug 24 '26

If other animals have groomed hair/fur, why wouldn't we? Other animals clean themselves, why wouldn't we? But we're always depicted as if we never bathed or had any personal grooming or hygiene at all.

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u/HonestWoodpecker8567 Aug 24 '26

It's because they need to make primitive humans look disgusting, so we can automatically roll with the superficial assumption that cleanliness is purely a product of "real civilized people"

It helps us turn a blind eye to how filthy and destructive our way of life currently is

Same logic applies to how we depict primitive people as in constant state of extreme violence, as if sensitivity and love is something that needed to be imposed on us and does not exist in nature. In reality, ancient humans loved their families and felt empathy the same way we do now. Likewise, they felt hate, rage, and sadism in other contexts... But that's not too flattering for our claims of progress, is it?

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u/Zadsta Aug 24 '26

Archeologists have found hominid bones that have healed fractures, meaning that they were cared for by others for weeks until their bones healed. Early humans absolutely took care of each other and I’m sure it extended to grooming as well.

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u/onlyfakeproblems Aug 24 '26

They’ll also have caked on grime on their face and whole body. If there’s enough fresh water to not dehydrate, it’s not that hard to splash water on your face. Apes don’t go around looking like they’re caked in shit, They groom themselves/eachother. People in primitive cultures and disaster survivors find time clean themselves up. We don’t know for sure, but it’s likely early people would do the same.

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u/Rubbermate93 Aug 24 '26

Basicly every "people of [insert period or culture considered 'less advanced'] were dirty and/or smelly" is complete chauvinist myths.

People are people, we generally dont like to be dirty or smelly, or be around people who are.

There's archaeological evidence for everyrhing from primitive tweezers to dental care dating back tens of thousands of years, some evidence even dating In the millions of years to some of our earliest homonid ancestors.

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u/Machaeon Aug 24 '26

Especially with hypotheses like sexual selection being a driving factor in why our hair is so long...

If it looks like shit, you think it's working at attracting a mate? 🙄

5

u/Salerrra Aug 24 '26

Not to mention, hair will naturally cluster into braids if allowed to

4

u/Which_Indication2864 Was it a Mind Goblin? Aug 24 '26

Learning how to keep my hair in a braid without a hair tie was a life changer, I refuse to believe they couldn't figure out the same thing

4

u/Tyrus1235 Aug 24 '26

You can look at how wild animals take care of their own fur nowadays. If even a wild lion will keep his mane in good shape, why wouldn’t an ancient human do the same?

4

u/Lingerstinger Aug 24 '26

they had complicated hairstyles actually

2

u/ripyourlungsdave Aug 24 '26

They would be running their fingers through it every 5 seconds like any man with long hair does. (Source: my own hippy ass)

I honestly find the same thing even more offensive when it comes to help people tend to style homeless people on television. The average person living on the street in the United States or any other modern country is generally going to have pretty normal, if not dirty, hair. Hair brushes and combs cost like, $3 in a lot of places and you can get a cheap wash at any truck stop.

3

u/Driller_Happy Aug 24 '26

Some homeless people do be like that too. Some dudes are straight up too mentally ill to get a comb

2

u/yellowbanana123_ Aug 24 '26

Animals groom each other, humans have done it too, without a doubt. But modern man must feel superior about something hence unkept cavemen with shaggy manes.

2

u/Ok-Clothes-6979 Aug 24 '26

i haven't shaved in a week and finger comb my hair. Doesn't look like stoneage hair. Shit when i was on the trail for months, it looked pretty good. The salt and sweat kept it somehow like... kept up. As if exfo;liated. barely got pimples.

1

u/Lubinski64 Aug 24 '26

There is evidence people were already shaving 30k years ago and the invention of stone blades predates homo sapiens altogather.

1

u/BigGayAllen Aug 24 '26

Finger combing actually promotes frizz and dreadlocking.

It's super not good for hair. It breaks and snaps it and causes the very damage that creates bad tangles and snarls that lead to matting in the first place.