r/interesting • u/IKIR115 • 11h ago
SOCIETY If your father left you $10M, would you share it with your siblings who were cut out of the inheritance?
EDIT: I found the full 10 minute video of this:
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u/grimspor 11h ago edited 11h ago
In the case outlined above probably not. In the case of my own family, I absolutely would.
My two brothers are technically my half brothers (my stepdad has been my dad since I was 2 and my brothers are by him and my Mum) but they’ve always just been my brothers. Growing up my step grandparents weren’t good to me or my Mum, and at Christmas time they’d give my brothers $100 each and me $20 which stung as a child because I was just a kid and didn’t understand the family dynamic. My brothers would give me $25 each of their Christmas money when we’d go out to spend it (usually at Toys R Us). I’ll never forget it.
No reason they’d be written out of the inheritance but hey, just chatting hypotheticals.
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u/FuriousFreddie 7h ago
Sounds like your step grandparents are assholes but your brothers and parents are solid.
To give $25 each every year to make you whole is super mature of them, especially at that age. Props to your parents who probably played a role in influencing those decisions.
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u/gemmathejerk 7h ago
I'm so sorry your step-grandparents did that to you ❤️🩹 I can never understand adults who take out pettiness on kids
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u/BadBoyJH 1h ago
Man, fuck the grandparents, but how good are not just the brothers, but how good is his step-dad to have raised kids that do that.
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u/timeport-0 10h ago
This happened to me. And I did share it. Somewhat unwillingly but somewhat willingly.
Two of the siblings demanded it, and threatened to take me to court over it. Two of them said "this is what he wanted so it is what it is"
And instead of further escalating the family drama, I agreed to split it amongst the 5 of us.
It wasn't 10M but it wasnt $1k either.
The two that demanded it proceeded to blow it on drugs and a drug-based lifestyle.
The two that didn't used it for down payments on houses.
I blew mine on cars, boats, and jetskis.
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u/Beginning-Window-676 7h ago
This is happening to me right now. Except it’s my sister’s money, not my parents. My parents have always been broke, but my sister was awarded around 10 million dollars. It’s blood money, essentially. She won’t ever be able to use it.
Automatically upon her death, the money is supposed to be divided between our surviving immediate family members—myself, my mother and my brother. Except, my brother is a drug addict, and my mother is still legally married to my father, who is an abusive POS. So my sister and my mother have arranged with the company who holds the trust that when my sister dies, the trust dissolves and I inherit the full sum.
I only just found out about the money. I had no idea they even sued. My brother has no idea about the money. We grew up broke, suffering unending childhood trauma and struggling to find food for dinner. Now, within a few months, I’ll be a multi-millionaire at a stupidly young age, without even knowing anything about life and still in my second year of uni, at the same time I lose my sister. And I’ll somehow have to explain to my brother why I was awarded the full sum.
I have no clue what I’ll say, but I’m not going to let my brother use the money that we got as compensation for my sister fucking dying on drugs and alcohol.
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u/jimsmisc 7h ago
Dont let anyone tell you what to do with the money. No schemes, no individual investments, no lending, no big purchases. Just park it in a conservative, diversified portfolio of low to mid risk funds from vanguard or fidelity while you figure everything else out.
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u/Beginning-Window-676 6h ago
Yeah the largest sum of money I’ve handled at any given time in my life has quite literally been the 10k I’ve managed to save, so I’m very much out of my depth and have been too concerned with my sister and cherishing what time we have left to take a crash course on whatever the fuck one is supposed to do when they come into an obscene amount of money. So I know the first thing I’ll have to do is book a consultation with financial advisors.
Right now it’s still just such a surreal thing that I’m still coming to terms with so I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what most of those words mean, but I know I got my savings to 10k and kept it at that specifically because at my bank, savings accounts over 10k gain the highest interest (aside from, obviously, 100k accounts etc) and that’s about the extent of my financial expertise. So… I have a shit ton to learn, and I appreciate you giving me a jumping-off point on this very intimidating, nauseating journey I have to take.
Currently I’m avoiding the whole “don’t let anyone tell you what to do with it” by just not telling anyone about it, mostly. My mother, annoyingly, told my leech cousins, aunts and some family friends about the lawsuit and the money, and they all know my sister is at the end of her life so I’m hoping they stay away. But at uni, in my friend group and everything, nobody knows except one of my teacher because I, embarrassingly, broke down in one of my classes the day my mother told me how much money it is, and I just spilled to my teacher. I haven’t told anybody else so hopefully I won’t get a lot of that unwarranted advice?
Im hoping, perhaps in vain, that the people who do know also be respectful of the fact that the “best thing that could ever happen to me” is only happening because the worst thing that could ever happen to me happened—my sister dying. This isn’t my money and it never will be. It’s hers, which is why I won’t let my brother waste it on drugs. Even if I could come to terms with what a wild, insane thing this is, how much money it is, I don’t think it’ll ever not make me deeply uncomfortable to think about touching it or using it on anything.
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u/timeport-0 6h ago
Take this from someone who's been there and done that.
Take the money, put it away somewhere (like a sibling comment suggested, low-mid risk vanguard funds)
TELL NO ONE THAT YOU HAVE IT.
And then forget about it. I assume you're in your 20s now. 40s you will thank you immensely for it when you retire at 45, fully able to support a very nice lifestyle and enough in reserve to ensure it continues for your family.
Dip into it when you really need or it makes sense (home purchase, etc). Give some to charity, there's a lot of wrong in this world and that's one way to help at least reduce its impact. I donate to Unicef and an organization in the Phillipines known as the Preda foundation.
People will wonder how you afford the things you do, they will make jokes about you being a drug dealer.
But you will keep it and you will use it how you want.
And your sister and your mother have to keep their mouths shut about it too. Ofc help them when they need it too.
Eventually the secret will get out, you have to be prepared for that time, but hopefully it will be 5-10-20yrs down the road when you are better able to handle it mentally, emotionally, and financially.
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u/jimsmisc 6h ago
ok so just to give you a sense of what those words mean:
"low to mid risk funds" = companies like Vanguard and Fidelity package a bunch of individual stocks and other investments into a group. You invest in the whole group rather than any one stock or bond.
That way, if one stock takes a shit, you don't lose all your money. You also don't win big if one stock goes way up, but over time, the fund has more "ups" than "downs" so it pretty much always increases in value.
They make this super easy by categorizing the groups into "low", "medium" , "high" risk. The higher the risk, the higher potential reward. But you should probably start with a "low" risk fund until you know more.
You really shouldn't do anything other than this with the money until you build up your financial literacy. Vanguard and Fidelity are the two biggest companies doing this, just go with either of them. (If those companies went bankrupt, money would basically be worthless anyway.)
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u/burn-hand 6h ago
Go to Edward Jones and plunk it into something they recommend based on your goals. If you want to keep some cash back for a car, or paying bills and getting caught up on credit, absolutely go for it.
Don’t let yourself touch the majority of the money until you have read a few books, and educated yourself on it, and made medium term and long term goals you are sure about. Edward jones can advise on this, and sick the money away into bonds and other instruments that have a maturation date, so you don’t just spend it down on lazy stuff, or impulsive stuff.
I am telling you all of this because I was in a similar situation once, and messed it all up. I was ignorant, and I regretted it.
People kept telling me stuff like “put it in mutual funds” but I didn’t even know where to start. What is a mutual fund? I had no idea, and nobody to ask for educating myself. I was raised poor, and had zero familiarity with any of the basic terms or concepts. That is why I say, just go to Edward jones. They are safe, restricted by law from messing your situation up. Don’t go on YouTube and instagram and pay any attention to people offering an “education” on how to grow your money through crypto or real estate. Those people are not advisors. Good luck, and don’t do what I (and most poor people) did!10
u/FuriousFreddie 6h ago
If you want to help your brother but don't want him to fuck everything up, you have a few options.
You could set up a trust with him as the beneficiary. It could be configured to pay for whatever you think he needs and however you want it do be done: housing/rent, education, food, and monthly/yearly allowances or whatever.
You don't even have to tell him you did it if you don't want to and say your sister arranged for it with a separate trustee managing it. Might he helpful to avoid him complaining for more or resenting your influence over it because this way it appears to be out of your control and set up by your sister.
Definitely talk to a lawyer who specializes in trusts if you go down this path. It is complicated and risky to set up on your own.
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u/Beginning-Window-676 6h ago
This is something I’ve been considering actually! So thank you for replying, it’s comforting to know it wasn’t just some dumb unrealistic idea I had. I discussed it with my mother a little but she and my brother don’t get along so she wasn’t particularly helpful, and admittedly I’m still having a lot of trouble getting over the fact that she didn’t tell me about any of this before what is, in my mind, the worst possible time to spring it on me—when my sister is actively dying and I’m already struggling to comprehend that, let alone this double whammy.
But it was an idea I had to purchase a small flat in my name that he could live in, and open a trust where he could receive a controlled payout, so at least he’s taken care of. It’s absolutely not the same though, and it feels like such a piece of shit thing for me to do, especially since I’m the youngest sibling so controlling a payout to my older brother like that is very weird to me, when he should be getting a third of this at least, but even more important to me than protecting him is protecting the money my sister will die because of.
Everything is set up by my mother and sister, yeah. I only come in control of it all when my sister dies and that’s what I’m dreading—when my brother finds out about the money, and finds out I’m in control of it. I appreciate your advice and I intend to look into that route for sure. I don’t think it’ll absolve my guilt or clear his inevitable resentment toward me, but at least it’ll keep him safe. And it’ll take care of him, which is all my sister ever wanted to do for us.
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u/burn-hand 5h ago
Also- be careful about choosing lawyers- they invoice by the quarter hour, if you choose the wrong lawyer, who isn’t concerned about your budget, they can spend down your nest egg for you without much getting done at all, and the process can drag on for months and years, just invoicing you for emails and telephone calls. Be careful, and if you pick the wrong one, don’t get caught in the “sunk cost” fallacy. Fire them, and find another who isn’t trying to fleece you
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u/FuriousFreddie 6h ago
You're welcome.
Its not your fault your sister is dying and it's not your fault your dad is abusive and its not your fault your sister decided to give everything to you.
I think it is wonderful you care so much for your brother. If you feel this is the best thing you can do to help your brother and its what you want, you should do it with no regrets.
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u/Cool-Ad2780 7h ago
Take your money and go to a large reputable financial firm and have them handle it for you. Don’t trust any recommendations from people you know.
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u/ReignyRainyReign 10h ago
Cars boats and jet skis are better than drugs. Never seen someone frown while riding those.
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u/TrueRedditMartyr 9h ago
>Never seen someone frown while riding those
You've never met someone with a boat then
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u/timeport-0 9h ago
Yep I definitely had more fun. But this was years ago.
Have absolutely nothing to show for it besides memories. Which isn't terrible.
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u/KennethTremendous 7h ago
If you have boats and jet skis, people you invite usually just bring the drugs.
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u/ButtholeSurfur 10h ago
My dad told me growing up how much money my asshole grandma was going to leave me so I better be nice to her.
My grandparents die and come to find out they didn't have a will. I got an old shotgun and my dad immediately took their old house and because no one challenged it my dad got a free house.
Shoulda been mean back.
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u/DoctorStrangeMD 9h ago
Were you nice to your dad? Cuz then you can still get that house
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u/ButtholeSurfur 9h ago
I have a bigger one than him now thanks to my hard saving + a little from my mom and her side of the family lol.
It's just another long list of lies my dad tried to feed me though. To answer your question he can keep it.
That house traumatized me lol.
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u/mindgardening 9h ago edited 8h ago
This is similar to my IRL situation. I'm set to inherit $1.5 mil from my parents. My parents abandoned my 3 half-siblings and paid approx. a measly $16,000 in childsupport over the past 50 years. I plan to split my inheritance from my/our parents with my half-siblings. I have not told my half-siblings, and they have not asked me to do this. I cannot take the entire amount for myself knowing my parents treated them like garbage. It's the only way they will get some restitution for the way they were treated. (I also deserve restitution for the way I was treated.) I will not tell my parents until the very last minute when they can no longer change their will.
I obviously left out a ton of information on purpose, so there's no need for readers to try and give me advice. TIA.
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u/Trin_42 9h ago
Don’t tell them anything, give every indication that you’re going to honor their wishes. Once they’re dead, do it the way you want.
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u/okyesnosometimes 9h ago
Yeah, I can see mentioning something being more trouble than it is worth. They can always leave the money with their local library.
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u/MisterRobDobalina 8h ago
This. You may think you're giving them their just desserts but they could find one more way to scorn you before they go and it's just not worth the risk
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u/AzureYLila 4h ago
Wills can be changed at any time before they die. Don't tell them anything.
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u/nooneneededtoknow 4h ago
It sounds like this person doesn't like their parenrs and it may be a death bed, oh by the way situation.....
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u/Mixels 4h ago
Bad move. It's very often really hard to tell when a person is actually dying. It would be better to not tell them anything, ever.
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u/Zerodyne_Sin 2h ago
The rage might fuel them enough to have enough vitality to change the will lol.
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u/QuincyAzrael 1h ago
ngl this scene would go hard in the third act of a 2000s era Judd Apatow-style comedy. Like the main character's dad getting a surge of energy and crawling out of the hospital bed to phone his lawyer
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u/IKIR115 22m ago
Actually I was thinking they'll kick out of their death bed and go into the Hulkster rage and do exactly this:
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u/swimming_singularity 2h ago
Correct I would not even tell them on their death bed. Who knows if they somehow recover enough to talk to a lawyer or something. Telling them does nothing. If there is an afterlife, they will find out about it. If there isn't an afterlife, then their existence stops when they die and they don't know what happened to the money. They won't know anything. Telling them while alive only risks a reversal.
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u/Murky_County_7353 7h ago
I’m due to inherit the majority (caretaker). What no one has realized is, is that I’ve already set everything up to remain with the girls if anything happens. That’s all of them, to always have safe place to land when things go bad. Not sexist, we’re just a family of girls.
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u/Lebowski-Absteiger 8h ago
You should probably consult a lawyer about this. There may be taxes, when you make a sizeable gift to your siblings, but you could be able redirect part of your inheritance before you receive it.
Might save you some trouble and money to prepare this.
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u/mindgardening 8h ago
Yes, this is definitely way too complicated for me to handle by myself.
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u/molybend 1h ago
Gift taxes don't kick in until your lifetime giving hits 15 million dollars (in 2026 as the numbers change yearly). A chat with a professional is a good idea, but gift taxes are really misunderstood. You don't even have to report amounts under 19K per year (again in 2026). That is per giver and per recipient, so like one married couple can give another $75,996 without a reporting requirement.
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u/MyHeartIsGlowing 9h ago
Curious how old are the parents and or when you expect to receive the inheritance?
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u/Jrzygirl65 7h ago
Bottom line, it’s now the brother’s money and he can do whatever he wants with it. And if he has a good relationship with his sisters, then he can give them the money, regardless of what Dad did or did not leave them.
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u/fly_you_fools_57 4h ago
He stated they did not have a good relationship with each other.
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u/nispe2 1h ago
I have never understood the compulsion to figure out what dead people would have wanted.
It doesn't matter what Dad wanted.
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u/Ok_Program_7549 11h ago
I do not have all the details but choosing your Mother’s illegitimate boyfriend over your real father just because he buys you stuff is kind of fcked up. They made their bed and need to sleep in it.
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u/DefinitionTop3930 11h ago
> They made their bed and need to sleep in it
if they were 10 then I think it is on the father to maintain relations, either way it doesn’t matter since right now he is also estranged from his sisters. If he had a good relationship with them then giving money could’ve made sense, but since that’s not the case, I don’t see any reason to share.
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u/ChaoticRasberry 10h ago edited 10h ago
Very clearly states the were teens. While the cortex isn't fully developed, that's still old enough to know right from wrong in that situation. I don't understand why people are treating it like they were babies.
ETA for anyone who cares I did watch the actual video. The father cut off the sisters when they sided with the mother yes, but after that the sisters never tried to build a relationship and only ever contacted the father or even the brother if they needed money. They also from day one had been asking for all types of payments not just for college. Not loans, not a payment plan, but for them to flat out pay for everything. So we can't sit here and say that the sisters were cut off by the dad and didn't have a chance for literal decades to try to make that better. They instead chose to continue to ask for money and not a relationship in any way.
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u/vxsapphire 8h ago
I was 8 when my father cheated on my mother. She wasn't a bad wife, she took care of me and my halfbrother with love. Was there for all of his achievements. People in this thread trying to find justification for the cheating are fucked in the head.
When she was leaving him, I was going from rides to school in a lexus, a huge room, living pretty well off, to life in a small apartment with my mother. My dad even tried to sway me with a my-size barbie doll I wanted. I chose my mom. We even shared a room for a while until a place opened up. I was old enough to understand that my mom was hurt by my father's infidelity. 13 and 15 is old enough to understand
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u/pumpkins21 8h ago
Same here. My parents divorced when I was 9. Saw how shitty he was with my mom. He didn’t want to pay for child support and was trying to get me to say that I wanted to stay with him. My mom was going to live with my grandparents. I chose her. We struggled but she made it and raised me right. If I had to go back, I’d still choose struggling with my mom over living more comfortably with a negligent father.
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u/Chicago1459 7h ago
Man this shit never leaves you. I'm 45 and my mom had an affair when I was 10. She's still with the guy and never divorced my dad. He wasn't a good husband or father. He was a provider though so that's why she never left. She did finally kick him out and then he got very sick and his family dropped him off with his suitcase. My mom did take care of him until he passed. They were friends in the end and he became a lot softer and a was a good grandpa. I still have anger towards my mom that I really need to work out in therapy.
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u/Dismal-Dare-2507 6h ago
The problem here isnt that you chose one parent and thus betrayed the other. The problem is it’s fucked up and immature and abusive for parents to try to make kids choose
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u/Opposite_Sherbert675 4h ago
but even as adults, they chose the money. why are so many people forgetting that the daughters continued contact with their father BUT ONLY FOR CASH. even as adults when they had years to reflect, they still only continued to use him
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u/Craiques 9h ago
Side note, almost entirely unrelated. The cortex never fully develops. The only reason people think it stops at 25 is because the of one study that never went past 25. But human brains never stop developing.
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u/ChaoticRasberry 9h ago
Ehhhhh learning new facts! Thanks for this tidbit.
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u/HeyVitK 7h ago
He's correct and incorrect. Laypeople misunderstand this concept because they don't know neurobiology and the nuances of the concept. 1. The brain develops and matures in a back to front pattern, so the milestones we track in early childhood onwards regarding skill and cognition development relate to that pattern. When we say matures in this context, we're talking about the initial full "wiring" to get that region "fully up and running" at its capacity within the structures and organization of that region's "house" and that back to front pattern means the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is the longest to completely "wire up" the "initial setup". So, because the PFC is at the very front, that makes it the last region in the brain maturity pattern and that final pattern reaches maturity ("setup wiring") in development around mid to late 20s. (Neurodivergent brains, such as ADHD, have smaller prefrontal cortex regions, less neural pathways in the PFC, and/ or less neurotransmitters in the PFC region so they mature this area more slowly, so that's why there's the upper end of late 20s in the range). This maturation just means the structural scaffolding reaches its adult baseline. It does not mean the brain stops changing, learning, or optimizing.
- That brain maturation pattern is just part of our lifelong brain development, it's just we have to reach the full setup for our general baseline first. Neuroplasticity, synaptogenesis, and synaptic pruning are active, lifelong processes, so our brains are always developing neural pathways as we gain new information, reinforce established neural pathways, rewire different pathways, and prune old neural networks. These are essential processes to having a sharp, functioning brain, and why we stress activities (reading, musical instrument playing, painting, physical exercise, socialization and communication, math/ verbal games, etc) that bolster neurocognitive skills in the elderly and in brain rehabilitation/retraining following a cerebral injury like a stroke or a traumatic brain injury (TBI).
- Biomedical biologist that studied neurobiology and neuroscience
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u/Skinstretched 10h ago
Are you sure the sisters never tried to build a relationship with the father?. We only have the brother's word for it, and he is clearly biased - he doesn't have a relationship with his sisters and is already reluctant to give any money (even before this conversation started) I ams not saying the brother is wrong here. In fact he is possibly right, - this could be the start of a lifetime of sisters coming to him for money. To me it boils down to - does this guy want to have a relationship with his sisters or not.
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u/ChaoticRasberry 10h ago
As I said I watched the video and he doesn't sound like he wants to leave them hanging. It really sounds to me that he is considering it but needed someone to tell him it was okay not to follow the father's wishes. I don't think they deserve it but I also don't think he deserves to not have sisters. Only time will tell if they clean up their act.
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u/Chicago1459 7h ago
The mom could have worked a number on the sisters though. I was conditioned as a kid to cover for my mom and while I knew what she was doing was wrong I felt a deep loyalty towards her. She was the warmer parent compared to my father so that's why. I
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u/Ok_Program_7549 9h ago
Brother is not the biased one here since he is trying to resolve the moral quandary. If he was biased, he wouldn’t have called in the first place and told his sisters to f off.
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u/BurnerAccount209 9h ago
And every person in AmITheAsshole isn't biased for the same reason? Just because you're going out of your way to get advice does NOT mean you're not biased. Sometimes you don't recognize your bias, sometimes you're just looking for affirmation your decision is right.
We only have one side of the story here so it's hard to tell the truth.
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u/FrogVolence 8h ago edited 7h ago
It took me way too long. And too many comments shitting on the brother to FINALLY see someone say something that i actually agree with.
At their age, they should definitely know right from wrong, the situation wasn’t too complex for them to grasp that hey “maybe mom is a piece of shit for cheating on dad, and they’re only trying to buy our love”
Maybe i was forced to grow up too quickly, but at 13 i would have seen everything wrong in this situation. I had enough of a moral compass to understand that my father was in fact the one who was fucked over the most.
Those girls wanted NO relationship. They wanted easy access piggy banks.
They didn’t care who the person was, they only cared about what they could provide.
They are so materialistic and can only see green to the point they didn’t care if the relationship was at risk of being lost. As long as the money kept rolling in. They were happy.
This is what we like to call in the caregiving career “ Compassion Fatigue”. Their brothers empathy and love for his sisters has been completely exhausted. He doesn’t want them in his life anymore because 75% of it was spent watching his sisters use someone he loved so much as a bank.
He has EVERY right to cut them off.
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u/One_Impress5716 3h ago
Why is the impetus of a relationship on the daughters!? The father should have done everything in his power to maintain or repair the relationship with his children. He was the adult!
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u/knuth10 4h ago
Your point of them choosing their mom over their dad at 10 would make more sense if these people didn't grow into adults and still choose to be estranged from their dad. Sure at 10 how could you blame them but they grew into fully functional adults capable of making their own decisions and choose not to mend the relationship. Obviously a ton of details we dont know but that's how it seems based off what we do know
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u/Dismal-Dare-2507 6h ago
I don’t know if I believe it. What do they mean by choose sides? Kids shouldn’t be forced to pick a parent even with infidelity in the picture. Who the hell abandons their kids because of their relationship with their own mother and her partner?
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u/Missmessc 8h ago
Honestly, how old were they at the time. Children can be manipulated with material items. Also, did the mother give the the chance to connect with their father? Age is also another variable. So many variables is the equation.
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u/ACTAVST 7h ago
Good thing none of you people are in charge of health and human services cause you all are god awful. They were fuckin kids man. You forgot what it’s like being a kid? The sisters don’t “deserve” the inheritance but god damn is it crazy not to help out your family. Conservatives talk about family values and don’t value that kids can be brainwashed by a broken parent.
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u/deadinsidelol69 2h ago
From what I gather, the sisters haven’t been involved until their bio dad died and are asking for a handout. If they haven’t been involved with him through their adult lives and chose to continue the estrangement, then your point doesn’t really stand here.
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u/Indecisively 19m ago
Dad always had the bigger responsibility as the parent. Splitting kids in a divorce is insane and it’s weird so many people are blaming the kids for that.
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u/omowaIe 3h ago
I knew better than to choose my mom’s boyfriend over my father. There is no age where I didn’t know that.
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u/Caffeinated_Ape_42 9h ago
We have not enough details to judge this, it is, as all family matters are, highly complex with stories on both sides and massive grudges that grew over many years.
We wont solve this and we cant say whos right.
Thats being said, not paying for your sisters college when u have 10 mill + is just a dick move. It was also a dick move by the father and maybe thats a hint to his character and why the 3 women chose to move away from him?
If my daughter sided with my ex-wife and now needs money for college, i give her the money. Some past thing will not decide over the future of my daughter, no matter what my ex or she did. I am still her parent and it is my responsibility to provide for her so she can have a good life. If i ever dont want a good life for my child i want you to slap me as hard as you can until i am back to nomal.
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u/derpydore 4h ago
It’s like you’ll have 9.7 million instead- how different will your life be vs never having this brought up again?
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u/hhngo96 1h ago
action have consequences. You can do as much mental gymnastic as you like or arguing it being "complex". If the guy on the call is the sole inheritance than it's his choice to make now, not the father's (because the father's choice is in the will). Now he can be generous but if he refused he shouldn't be judged as a bad guy either.
Children are not automatically entitled to an inheritance for this very specific scenario. You cant have your cake and eat it too.
Plus it's student loan ffs. One take a loan to get the education resulting in a job that pays well and profit from that. If they cant then it's just poor decision making on the sisters. It's different if for example car accident, house burned down.
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u/Boobity_McBooberson 11h ago
Their kids, they never should have been forced to choose. Also they will likely just choose who the have more in common with. Big surprise the girls go with mom, the boy goes with dad. The choice likely has very little to do with “cheating” or “presents”.
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u/ChaoticRasberry 10h ago
If you watch the full video he goes more into depth about the relationship. He cut off the sisters after the affair which I agree is wrong but the sisters followed up by asking for money for years long before he died, even before they went to college but never building a relationship with him or the brother. And I think if you grow up you can see a therapist and work this out and it's obvious none of them did.
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u/Raebrooke4 11h ago
I just want to add that having worked with Ulta high net worth individuals in wealth management, this type of lopsided inheritance is HIGHLY unusual. Even when the beneficiaries are fully formed adults that are arguable horrible people. I think the female host is doing a good job trying to understand and help the caller navigate this situation. I think the male host is an idiot. There’s a reason why family psychologists are on staff and the ultra high net worth management firms.
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u/CalmBeneathCastles 10h ago
"I would feel better with them being resentful" is such an odd thing to say when his feelings have nothing to do with that family.
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u/Olealicat 8h ago
It’s all feelings when you consider the typical arrangement would be a three way split.
Regardless, I’ve heard of numerous old family money inheritance situations where the boys get it all. They still have the thought that their son inherits over their daughter, as she’s her husband’s responsibility.
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u/BickenBackk 7h ago edited 2h ago
That's potentially true but it has nothing to do with the case here. The daughters abandoned their father after their mother uprooted his life. It's hard for me to have a large amount of sympathy for them.
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u/SelfUnimpressed 6h ago
Maybe even more to the point, they chose their mother's affair partner over their father. I get why the father in that case might be like, "Okay, well, when you want a bunch of money, I guess go ask that other guy."
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u/grayum_ian 7h ago
As a father, I think even if you don't agree with their decisions, there are things in life you would help them with if you had the means, like post secondary schooling. Anything else seems immature.
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u/CalmBeneathCastles 7h ago
I also feel like if it was completely cut and dried, the son wouldn't question it AT ALL. The fact that he's conflicted but doesn't want to dishonor his father's indignation makes me question the details.
The girls were like, 13 and 15 when it all went down. Seems sus that they wouldn't side with their father, if he was a great parent and they were super close to begin with.
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u/QuarterRobot 2h ago
Let's just say...it's difficult to make $10M and be a good parent. The sacrifices necessary for extreme wealth are well documented.
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u/Cold_Breadfruit_9794 11h ago
Agreed. The male host is reading reactionary here. I would hope that caller doesn’t make a knee jerk decision based on what a radio show says. The caller really needs to think of the larger implications and long term consequences of his choices, and really consider if he would be okay with permanent estrangement and possibly having no family. He should honestly be speaking to a therapist (a lot of baggage here) and base his decision on if he would ever want a relationship with his sisters. Not one of the siblings should be paying for the sins of their parents, and potentially eroding any hope of familial reconciliation based on some random person’s most reactionary knee jerk take is a bad idea. The caller has a lot to weigh and for his sake I hope he didn’t base his decision on what a random stranger’s first impulse would be.
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u/rognabologna 3h ago
Seemed like the caller was just looking for outside permission to not give them anything, and that’s what he got from the male host. I don’t think he ever intended to give them anything, and that’s why he was being cagey about the amount he was left.
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u/Loifee 7h ago
I agree with this. The main factor isn't the dads relationship with the sisters it's the fact that the brother has zero relationship with them. They could have reached out just to him (if the dad was hostile towards them) in any actual meaningful way throughout the years but didn't do.
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u/Alarming_Economy_532 8h ago
Especially sense is kind of a faith based organization right? I don't think there is enough to go off from just this conversation either. Dont know the long history of family dynamics.
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u/Geronimo0 9h ago
Dont pay it. They're estranged to you too and as you stated, they only come to you when they want something. These people arent good people let alone good family.
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u/Difficult-Practice12 2h ago
I agree with you. The relationship isn't there, it's transactional. Just move on.
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u/JustAnotherBit 7h ago
Pay of their debts, feel good about yourself doing it.
9.7 million is still enough to walk off into the sunset, retire early and setup your future generations for wealth.
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u/less_than_nick 4h ago
remember to add in those two sisters coming back and pestering you for more money every few months
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u/JustAnotherBit 4h ago
Pretty easy to tell them thats the only money they are getting and that pestering will just result in them being blocked.
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u/SYLife1 11h ago
The man who worked hard for this money decided the kids who sided with the wife who fucked someone else behind his back deserve nothing. I’d respect that man’s will.
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u/hobbes747 11h ago
This would have been a great submission to the woman who had the national newspaper column… I forget her name; not Miss Manners but the lady who took more controversial submissions such as this.
Or an interesting call-in to Dr. Laura 😆
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u/snomeister 7h ago
This is a very neat thing to ponder over. Something I notice about Reddit a lot (more of a reflection on people, not just this platform) is when people hear a side of story from one person they just assume that all those details must be accurate and true. This is very antithesis to how I always operate. I always assume there must be lies, memory mishaps, embellishment, missing information, etc. in anything someone claims. In this case, I'd very much like to hear from the sisters' sides of things about how things went down. I'd expect it would sound very differently and that the caller here might have left things out or even been unaware of things that might have happened between the sisters and dad.
Things that make me suspicious of caller. He claims he has no issues with his sisters but that he wants to respect his father's wishes. This to me feels a bit like it's more about the father's pettiness than anything to do with the sisters. I get divorce can be tricky for the children involved with the picking sides shit and all but I feel like the caller could have painted his sisters more in the wrong if they were undeserving of some inheritance, but he didn't. Secondly, caller is already caught misrepresenting his story quickly into the call. He first says he inherited a couple million, then when asked to clarify he states it's 8 figures, which nobody would call "a couple million." He still wouldn't clarify what it actually is but I find it funny that people start throwing around 10m in the title and comments when we still don't know what the amount is and based on caller's behavior I'm starting to think it could be well north of that. Anyway, that's speculation and all we know is that it's 8 figures.
Finally, I agree with commenters who question why you'd even call into this show with this predicament. This is not a matter of finance but a matter of familial relations. I think someone with strong moral character would already know what to do without asking for other's advice.
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u/Adventurous-Pop-6200 2h ago
The dad was a shitty parent. I have an estranged daughter. She’ll still get her share in my will.
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u/Killjoy3879 28m ago
You could argue that the dad just had shitty daughters. The mom cheated on him and the daughters sided with the mother during the divorce, and now that the father is dead, they want some of the money he left behind. At this point they simply care about the financials.
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u/KaikoLeaflock 3h ago
He never said he has no issues with his sisters. He said he was also estranged from them.
Family will guilt you. Based on his story, he has some idea of morality and probably some empathy of which his sisters are probably taking advantage of and making him second guess himself.
This is why the best advice you can give someone who inherits or makes a lot of money very quickly, is for them to get a money manager and redirect any requests to them so you don't have to deal with that emotional toll. You really don't want to have to deal with telling every relative, "no" or parsing through the handful of yes's.
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u/acoastaldog 2h ago edited 2h ago
Plus on the point of the daughters defaulting to the mother’s cheating partner — that is so not new. A lot of step parents/temp partners will try to buy the love of their lover’s children instead of genuinely connecting with them. It works because they’re children. There’s definitely more to this story than that’s been told one way or another. 10 mil vs their loans and that’s all they want? If there’s no bad blood just give them the fucking money lol student loans are predatory. He gets a house, a business, and over 9 mil untaxed. More than most people will ever have in their lifetime. He could invest in a bare minimum stock portfolio and sit on free income for the rest of his life while focusing the business or having someone else run it
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u/123supreme123 5h ago
Thank you, good points.
For me, on the assumption that the father cut certain parties out of the will for his own reasons and made it clear that's his intent, I wouldn't share on the matter of principal regardless of amount or justification.
And I'm not someone that particularly needs or wants someone else's money. If I was the one who got cut out of a will, so be it. It's not my money or right to assume id have ownership in the first place. Greed for money makes people say and do weird things
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u/RandomNumbers8596 3h ago
Human choice is fascinating. I wouldn't make the same choice myself. A gift with strings isn't a gift. I wouldn't feel held to the wishes of the deceased, especially not if it meant shouldering resentment to other family members that I may have not even have had. Now suddenly I'm supposed to take the place of hatred and resentment from my siblings in exchange for money? That sounds like a bad bargain to me.
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u/ScarletDarkstar 2h ago
I agree. Dad already got to Madison statement and have his wishes honored. What this person does now is of their own volition. He needs to choose if he wants to be poisoned by his father's resentment, or if this is not his war to fight.
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u/Quirky_Image_5598 2h ago
Exactly, that’s the part I’m not getting, it’s an inheritance at the end of the day, I shouldn’t have to put up with your vices and baggage the moment I inherit what you have.
300,000 is a drop in the ocean with how much he has, i don’t think his relationship with his sisters sounds bad enough to justify perpetuating crippling debt.
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u/Lazy-Background-7598 6h ago
He’s looking for every reason to be a selfish asshole
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u/fgsrtvfd 11h ago
$300k is a relatively small price to pay to solve this problem for life, assuming he makes it clear those are the terms.
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u/tomatosoupsatisfies 10h ago
Dad and daughters were estranged since the daughters liked and chose mom’s affair boyfriend over dad…that punch in the gut makes the son very hesitant to reward the daughters for what they did to dad. Justifies not paying their debt.
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u/Diligent-Nebula-1008 11h ago
Yeah I would just pay off the loans and tell them that’s it and don’t bother contacting me again. It barely changes his inheritance but could make a massive difference to his family whether he likes them or not
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u/Southern_Ninja_8626 9h ago
Choosing money, a shared societal delusion, over family is wild, especially over a decision his sisters made as children.
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u/GregsWorld 11h ago
They'd be back for more next Wednesday. Now they need a house or their kids school tuition etc...
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u/PlayfulJob8767 10h ago
The thing is the problem won't be solved for life. As the caller already stated the sisters only came to him and his father for money. They are estranged for a reason other than siding with the homewrecker.
Even if he would give them the money, what makes you think they would suddenly stop having problems and not ask for money in the future?
Once you open the floodgates it will never close. Down payment for a house, a wedding, new cars, a friend of a sister is in trouble etc.
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u/MikoSkyns 10h ago
Once you open the floodgates it will never close.
"Your student dept is paid. I've given you a tremendous leg up. I don't want to hear from you again because you only care about my money. We're done. "
And that's it. You cut them off.
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u/Ambitious_Wolf2539 6h ago
I mean that's what the father basically did (Cut them off finanncially) and here they are asking for more...
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u/fgsrtvfd 10h ago
Maybe, maybe not. I think you’re probably right that the average person would be coming back for more later.
No matter who sided with whom they were just kids and who knows how the mom spun things to them. Im not necessarily eager to judge the sisters for decisions they made as kids under the influence of their mother.
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u/Ronaldinhoe 10h ago
If the father was still alive they would receive nothing and would remain contactless from him and the son. If they get mad for him refusing to pay then they only care about a handout.
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u/EdgyPun34257 11h ago
Do you really think this would " solve the problem for life", or just put a tick mark next to that item, and move on to the next demand for money?
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u/Rivka333 4h ago
Having your student loans paid off is huge, and it would make no real difference to him. We don't know what any of the persons in this story are like, but that also means we have no reason to assume the worst.
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u/hurdeehurr 10h ago
That problem will never be solved. You have to decide to split it equal or cut them out of your life. They'll never see that they're not owed equal.
Tough call. 10 Million i'm going to have to have some very difficult conversations and in the end i'd have to go the cold route and cut out siblings. That's my personal thing because i'm not super close to mine.
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u/collindubya81 9h ago
Family members who only come around when they want something or want money are not family imo.
I have an estranged uncle who only came around when someone died to collect money, outside of that he was a drug addict who stole from his brother (my father) every time he extended an olive branch to try to help him.
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u/jbloom3 11h ago
Mom cheated, daughters preferred the affair partner to their dad and went off with mom and him. If I was the dad I wouldnt want them to have anything
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u/nmacaroni 11h ago
Rich people problems.
If your family only jumps into your life when they need money, they're not family, they're strangers who share DNA with you.
Once this dude gives up the money, they will never stop hounding him for more. Basically, emotional black mailers.
If this dude want to give give away cash to people who don't even care about him, bro, I could use a few grand. And I will give you straight advice whenever you need it! :)
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u/Japsai 11h ago
Give them the money and cut ties if you like. It's a small proportion of your windfall and it would make a massive difference to them. The reason they are cut off is a decision the angry parents made them make when they were children.
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u/PlayfulJob8767 10h ago edited 10h ago
Since the sisters knew he got the inheritance the problem is even if the caller would give them the money the sisters would probably never stop asking for money in the future since they know their estranged brother has it.
You and many other commenters make it seem that this is just a one off problem solved with money. It is not. They are estranged and the sisters, according to the info given, only see their brother as an ATM.
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u/GiantDinosaurAttack 10h ago
Their mom cheated on their dad and they chose the new guy. Dad said “bet”, passed away eventually and they were written out of the will.
Hopefully their new dad has some money for them.
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u/Exotic-Fuel-8420 1h ago
i think i’d give them some but no, i’m not paying off all of their debts. i find that once you’ve done something large like this, it becomes automatic or a guarantee that you’ll always do it.
take care of yourself and set yourself and immediate family up for success and give them $25-$50k.
if they don’t like it, they aren’t obligated to take it.
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u/Shua89 24m ago
I'd also pay it directly to the student loans instead of handing over money.
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u/WalkAffectionate2683 18m ago
Yeah it would feel like "not my money" like I didn't work for it, kind of a guilty feel.
So I would pay 300k it's not like it changes anything, I still basically have 10M.
Though I agree. I would ask it to make it directly with them and the bank, the money is to pay the debt, it's their father too, you have a duty to your offsprings. (at least in my culture) so I would do that, and say bye.
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u/Ohnoyoudoneblockedme 10h ago
Look I get that most people want to say that the right thing here is to pay the money and dip but something I’m not seeing enough mention of is it’s not the first time these sisters have come asking for money. Their father clearly denied them while he was alive, but if this guy gives them $300k do you really think it’ll be the end of their asking for money? He would show that unlike their father the sisters can actually get it, so either through constant requests or even an attempt at some form of legal action can go down here. He hasn’t known his sisters since the split, his father could have left them the money for the debt or specifically stated in the will the son had to pay it off, but he didn’t. To me there is no obligation to give them anything, and doing so can invite new chaos and situations into the man’s life I don’t think I’d sign up for personally, they’ve lived entirely separate lives so far and can continue to do so
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u/eat_your_veggiez 11h ago
Seems like nobody in the comments actually listened to the video before formulating an opinion.
If I were in this exact situation, I would probably not give my sisters the money.
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u/Unhappy-Scallion8933 56m ago
What father dumps his daughters because they sided with their mother?
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u/Usual_Award 11h ago
They were team mom, the relationship is transactional and they like the cheating man more...I would give a fraction of the money they need for student loans and bounce.
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u/Playful_Site_2714 1h ago
Why would we ever? The parent made a clear choice. And the siblings have made their choice also before the parent's death.
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u/toomuchtv987 9h ago
No, I would honor my parents’ wishes. If they had kids, I might set up a trust fund FOR THEM to access when they’re adults (25+ unless using it for college) but otherwise, no.
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u/ItsTryptaminePalace 11h ago
Of course I would. The interest alone on 2.8 million is $12,000 a month at a low interest rate return. I park that in a bank somewhere or in the stock market and I would give my siblings about a mill each. If I make it we all make it. Period.
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u/tiasaiwr 11h ago
I mean did you listen to the video? The mother had an affair and the sisters sided with their mother and cut their father off saying they preferred their new stepfather and only came back looking for money for college. OP was estranged from both the sisters and mother. I don't have a lot of sympathy for the sisters in this case, all they thought their father was was a wallet.
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u/fivelone 11h ago
Why punish the children for something they probably couldn't even properly understand as teenagers. As a brother I would definitely help the family out.
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u/tiasaiwr 10h ago
Are you maybe looking at it from the lens that your family isn't trashy and only considers you a moneybox? He said he was estranged from his sisters too. If they wanted a relationship with him it wouldn't be hard to have a phone call every now and then but he said they only came to him looking for money for college in the first place.
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u/TheresNoHurry 11h ago
I'd probably give a lump sum with some kind of agreement that it's a gesture of goodwill and it'll be the final payment and no other payments will ever be made.
You wouldn't want to open the door to further requests. Just a "one and done"
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u/fivelone 10h ago
This is a great way to look at it. I guess I wouldn't have even punished my daughters in the first place for something my wife did. And why did the daughters side with the mother? There's a lot we don't and will never know.
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u/jr_randolph 10h ago
This guy is copping out using his father as an excuse. It's fine the father didn't leave anything, but all that "I don't want to disrespect his wishes" is a cop out. He left you the money and shit, you do as you please now and if you want to give to other family that's your decision and not your father's anymore since he gave you everything. Just own it and say you don't want to give them any money but not because of the father because of you.
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u/GlassTablesAreStupid 10h ago
Doesn’t mean he’s using it as a cop out. If he didn’t want to then he wouldn’t. Period. No questions. No calling into shows. Nothing. He’s obviously battling whether he should or shouldn’t. A few hundred thousand is a blip in an 8-figure pot.
It’s clear to see he’s conflicted on what HE thinks is right, which is paying for his sisters, even though he does not agree with their actions at all and are definitely wrong. (Siding with the affair guy) and going against his dad’s wishes.
The funny thing is the two hosts even agree that he shouldn’t pay but you’re pinning the decision all on the guy that’s in the actual predicament and hasn’t made a choice yet. Out of the three people in this clip, two are saying don’t pay and you still wanna fault the third guy lol
You honestly come off as someone who’s jealous bc another person came up on a fortune. When tf did weighing out your options mean you’re just “copping out”?
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u/shmiddleedee 10h ago
I didn't read the story but if my parents left me everything I'm splitting it 50/50 with my brother, no questions asked. If my brother was a piece of shit, which he's not, he wouldn't get shit.
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u/woot0 10h ago
My parents are not wealthy at all but they have some equity. My sister has no relationship with them at all. Haven’t spoken in over a decade. My parents insinuated everything goes to me but I plan to split it with my sister regardless. We’re still tight and I know she’d do the same if the roles were reversed.
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u/personman000 10h ago
I was so for giving the money until I heard about the affair. 3k on 10mil is nothing. But to side with a cheater?
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u/Theharlotnextdoor 7h ago
The affair is not the children's fault.
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u/Ok-Disk-2191 2h ago
But only ever contacting your father and brother after becoming adults to ask for money, shows the characters they grew up to be, like if they were half decent to the bother even, this wouldn't have been a question for him and he would have just paid those student loans, but as he said they only sort them out when they needed money.
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u/EducationalReview237 10h ago
I would pay off the student loans and that's it. The sisters were teenagers at the time, and teens don't have great judgment.
Also, we don't know anything about the dad. Was he kept from his daughters or did he just stop contacting them, as a lot of divorced dads do? Was he good to them when the parents were together? Was he a good husband or did he mistreat the mom? Maybe the daughters had good reasons for preferring the stepdad. We're only getting one side of the story.
$300 K is a fraction of his inheritance. I'd just pay it and say that's it.
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u/BoulderCreature 11h ago
In my situation yes absolutely. If they were estranged from me and my parents then possibly not
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u/janually 11h ago
i had an estranged uncle that left a house each to me and my older sister. problem was i have another sister who got nothing. he definitely knew this sister existed - she is my twin.
my sister lived with me rent free in that house for a couple years. if i had not needed the housing, i would have sold the house and split the money with her. that said, my twin sister is a very good person who deserves all the best. not all siblings are good people lol
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u/salamipope 8h ago edited 3h ago
Yea id fuckin share it its 10 mil wtf am i gonna do w 10mil all by myself
edit guys argue with each other but dont argue with me. i dont have 10 million dollars to split with you. if you have 10 million dollars do whatever u want w it i guess but ive already received like 30 notifs from this and theres plenty of ppl saying idk what im talking about. i dont give a shit! if my family had a 10mil nest egg and kept it away from my siblings out of spite id assess who needs what the most and help them because were family. Im not soulless. If you have an issue with that go outside and remember this is 1 comment with 2 upvotes on reddit. Go away
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u/HonoluluLemonade 8h ago
It’s a gift from his dad. His sisters abandoned their dad. Now they want money.
He can share the $10 mil without giving any to the sisters.
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u/The_Amazing_Emu 5h ago
His dad is dead and doesn’t get a say. The question is how he feels about his siblings. It’s his money to spend how he wants.
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u/Main-Cheesecake3287 2h ago
I mean the dead 100% get a say, that’s what the will is for, so even though you’re dead your wishes can be respected by the family, and the courts.
He can spend it how he wants but if it’s me, sorry, dad didn’t want you to have it, so you’re not getting it.
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u/Sloth_grl 8h ago
I would give them some but not a third of it
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u/as1126 8h ago edited 4m ago
They seem to only want their loans paid off, about $300,000. I’m with you, I’d write the check and never think about it again.
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u/clitch186520 2h ago
But what if you have a bad relationship with them. When my father passed my brother’s gotten money hungry and it was nothing near 10 million. I think it was $18,000 a piece. As a result, my mother has dramatically changed the well of hers and I’m gonna get a whole lot more than that, but she’s made it very clear to me. What she wants done and to be very honest with you. I’m gonna honor it. It’s not because of the money, but it’s because I know how broken she was and when they behaved the way they behaved
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u/salamipope 8h ago
Id give them a share according to their need and if one of em has a hard time managing money id prolly set up a slow-release situation where i supplement their account with it over time. that way they dont use it all at once and fuck up their life. If they wanted to buy a house w it or something id of course give them the money they need to do that. But i have a sibling whos pretty stable financially and would prolly just need a few milly to boost themself and their family, ez id do that. the other one only has a cat and cant seem to get on their feet. A lot of bad luck and some unfortunate decisions. Id prolly give them a good chunk and slow release the rest until they ask for a large amount for a specific reason. But theyd get a couple milly too. i had a friend who inherited 400k when their mom died and blew the money in less than 10 years, before that they didnt really understand the hardships in life and moved somewhere shitty without thinking about it. They had to get a job in run down dump restaurants where they were mistreated and sexually harassed by customers AND the owners. they dont work there anymore, but my friend regrets many of the decisions they made w that money. sometimes a slow drip is better
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u/Separate_Finance_183 11h ago
If they were decent siblings, yes 😊
Not equally divided but something in the 6 figures, sure
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u/IKIR115 11h ago edited 29m ago
EDIT: I found the full 10 minute video: https://youtu.be/aAjZ_PgioPE
Some more details:
- The son is the oldest, and the divorce happened when they were 17, 15, and 13.
- The sisters already completed undergrad and grad, and had kids, so they’re at least 26 and 24 now and probably older.
- The son says the sisters were the ones that became estranged and didn’t even talk to the father when he tried to reach out when they had their kids.
- The mom’s affair partner doesn’t sound like they are in the picture anymore.
Article: https://moneywise.com/news/top-stories/ramsey-show-inheritance-sisters-student-loans
Snippet: