G'day everyone,

EDIT: My wife and I spoke last night, and with my traumatic brain injury and spinal injuries, I had forgotten three pertinent things: 1. We are currently going through the family court again, to get access back to my son, which we're self-representing. My wife is doing 99% of the work there, so her free time of late and emotional state have been diminished; 2. Over the space of a month (September- October), we hired skip bins and got rid of 12³m of our old furniture, and a lot of her belongings that were destroyed by the water damage from the storage unit. Thankyou again, and apologies for the omission

I need to start with the fact I may have enabled the point we are at, because I've pretty much tried to bribe my hoarder into action. I buy whatever they want on the condition other things go out. I've finally reached my wits end. Things are moving, but very, very slowly. I'm constantly stressed as to whether the mice (in roof, garage and presumably the walls) will bring our home down around our ears one way or another. I've become agoraphobic, not sleeping well, having panic attacks multiple times a day and I have to keep friends and family at arms length. Ive even had a breakdown over this, which I had to put myself in a psych facility for a few weeks. All it did was give me some respite, the professionals there didn't know how to deal with it except "be stern!"

I'm a musician, songwriter and veteran, and lot of my instruments, equipment and momentos have quite simply been destroyed, and on top of that I own a collector's car which I fear may now catch fire if started.

Everytime i bring it up there is always an answer of "I just want one day where I dont have to worry about anything", or "Ive been busy with work". I cant call in a specialist psychologist, or speak to anyone about it because "it'll embarrass me and just make me shut down more" they say the same when argued about.

TLDR: I'm a disabled veteran and I know im more anal about my home, property and belongings than most, I've been resilient and patient, but I'm at the point of giving an ultimatum. My health is suffering too much, but that really is my last resort. Any advice on how i can help them, how I can help things progress if I cant call a specialist in to help, where to draw the line, what im doing wrong, or anything else that might be helpful would be greatly, greatly appreciated...

Cheers,

Hi. this is my first post here and im feeling very vulnerable but glad that a community like this exists.

Unfortunately, I'm the hoarder in my family. I'm 36 and it stems from a combination of trauma, OCD, and physical health issues. I have always lived in the same home, and I took care of my grandma until she passed away...which is when everything felt like it exploded. I am desperate to get my home back and I am incredibly grateful to have a partner who wants to help. (Therapy is also in the works, just very expensive.) My house is probably a 2.5-3 in most areas, and thats where I need a little extra pep if anyone has some to share.

This house is 70 years old and I am having a major, major sewer repair and re-piping done underneath which means they have to replace the valves beneath the toilets. Which I did not know. In a bathroom that has trash from years ago in it, a toilet that hasn't worked in as long, and sink that hasn't had water for months. (we do have a working bathroom! Just one of them is like this)

I am so f-ing ashamed of the state of it all, but I know the only path out is through, and this is a HUGE step in making my home safer and cleaner and how I want it to be. It's easier to tell them no and that they can't fix it than to put my mask on and glove up and go clear it out. OCD is stupid and insidious in the way it tells me the "safer" and "cleaner" thing to do is to leave it untouched when I know that is NOT even remotely true.

I just need a little extra encouragement today. I would love to hear someone who understands this disease say that they are proud of me or they empathize without judgements.

thank you. 💜

Hey guys im a 14 year old girl with a best friend (K) who i love so much. Her grandma is a pretty bad hoarder, sweetest person ever, worst hoarder. She has 2 houses, one is her "antique shop" where shes sells probably 1/8 of whats in that house. Its pretty small and its so hard to move around in. It stresses me out being there. She has clothes from the 2000s, some of which were "temporarily" gifted to me by Ks mum.

Ks mum went through some of her mums clothes and took a bag homw to give to K and tye smaller ones to me. I hate that they are temporarily gifted cause she has so so so many clothes like why does she need the few peices i have. I honestly with i hadent taken the clothes i did i just felt so pressured by the factcthat they were vintage lol. I genuinely havent worn many of them at all yet. Anyway now for Ks dad.

i dont know as much about his hording. He and ks mum are together still and they all live together. They also have another son age 9-13 i forgot. Ks dad hoards cars. He has like 7 cars bro. Ive seen him online shopping for cars a bit and loves talking to K about her future car. His shed is a mes piled with stuff. Now for the fun 🫩part. Ks mum. Ive been op shopping with k and her mum plenty of times now and it used to be fun but honestly its to stressfull for me now. I think we went to 3 op shops last time and ks mum bought at least 5 things from each.

It makes me sick. And the peer pressure to buy certain stuff itls insane. We met this othwr older lady in the shop and she and ks mum made me try on this top, which i thought was kinda ugly. It was vintage and they thought it was cute so it was all " you HAVE to buy it" . Um.. no i dont actually. Im proud of myself for not buying it! At her home its bot so so bad but its still bad. First the animals. They have lots of animals and whenever some die they just replace them instantly.

They have 4 horses 2 cats 2 guinea pigs, they used to have rats. 2 dogs. Mind you they have very busy jobs so they are barley ever home idk how they care for their children and the animals. I remember sitting on their couch watching a movie with k and her mum and her mum was online shopping on facebook or amth idrk. And she was like i need to get this bag or smth. Like no you have so many bags already. The kitchen isnt to bad its just messy all the time, not to much clutter its just the clutter thats there tends to stay there for long periods of time. Idk how long. It stays messy even when me and mum go to there house.

They dont even wipe up the honey off tye bench before we arrive. The padio, its really bad tbh, not tv show bad but still. Theres stuff everywhere. Piles of clothes, ect. Ks parents bedroom is honestly one of the worst rooms. Their bed had clothes on it. The floor had piles of clothes. The wardobe has clothes stuffed to the brim.

The bench thingy has stuff all over the top of it. The bathroom is not to badm they usally have a very full washing basket. They took out their bathtuo cause no one used it (except all the clothes that would sit in it), and the put another bathroom bench type thing in. For "more storage". Like honey u just need less stuff. She tends to but stuff in bulk. The dining area is lwk bad too. Theres usally a washing basket with stuff in it, stuff on the tabe, it makes it hard to eat dinner there. The bookshelfs behind the area are full with books and stuff.

The general house area has a few washing baskets of clothes around. They have way to many pictures ig they bought to hang on tye wall but only a few made it up. They are just resting on agaisnt the walls. Theres a front area pretty full of stuff i dont rlly remember. Okay the Point is, they are horders. Her grandmas a horder. Amd i dont know if she knows and i dont was to cause issues between us. Earlier i brought up an upcoming op shopping trip. ( Her mum isnt coming thank gosh, stresses me the helly out. ) and i said idk wanna buy much stuff cause i watch hoarders videos recently and i dont wanna end up that way.

Thankfully my mum hates stuff and my dad has no need or wnat for it either. So i dont have any pressure from my family. K has a very full wardrobe full of clothes. And she comes back from the op shops every now and again with a few new things that her mum def told her to buy that she doesnt need. I remeber going to the shops one day and k had this top that looked very very similar to one she already had. And i was lioe girl do u really need that.

She put it back thankfully but im just scared for her. Her room is pretty clean. She has a trinket cubord filled with trinkets but its very organised. She doesnt buy much stuff technically, uslayy she gets gifted stuff from her grandma or mum. My mum and her mum are best friends and have been and my mum used to be really worried for ks mum and now she kinda accepted that she s hoarder. Im scared for her to cause what happens whej her kids leave. Anyway pleas give me adive i just want to make her aware and prepared. Thanks xx also sorry if theres spelling mistakes i type pretty fast 🥲

It's been a year since I started the progress of leaving. After getting my hoarding partner out of the house and 3 1/2 dumpsters, I finally have decorated the house the way I want and it is now clean, calm and safe. I no longer worry about the house burning down or getting hurt. My dogs are no longer stressed and are now living their best lives. I wouldnt of been able to do this witthout this community. Thank you.

How do I figure what times I want to get rid of? It's becoming so difficult. I know I want to declutter for the best, I am happy to declutter but the act of it?

I've been trying to recover for 5 years now. I've been great progress but also relapsed a couple of times as well. I do not blame myself for it, I understand I do it out of anxiety. I don't want to shame myself into getting better.

The things I hoard bring me joy but also anxiety. Things is things like blankets and stuffed animals. I do not need as much as I have. I've tried only keeping what I enjoy.

Something I've been telling myself is only keeping my favorite character or animals. It worked in the beginning, but now I'm stuck again. An example being I have 2 carebear plush of the same character. One is a 28 inch and the other is a 24 inch, only difference is 4 inches, but I love both, but I do not need both.

How do I know which one I want to keep and which I don't? I've tried asking myself questions, if they were infested with spiders(i am terrified of spiders), which would I save? I'd save both. If I lost one, would I replace it, yes because I love this care bear.

This was only one example, I am constantly doing it with other things.

I've already gotten rid of things that are broken and things. I keep telling myself, the less things I have the more attention and time I can spend on the ones I really love. I love all of them. I don't know what to do. :(

have moved back into my childhood home with my boyfriend and my twin boys. The house has really come a long way from what it once was, but there are still a few rooms in the home that need to be gone through.

What bothers me most is that, yes, I contributed to the house getting to where it is now... but mostly it was due to my mother. I get along with my mother well enough, but it really gets under my skin that she just does not seem to see her hoarding issues and what kind of impact they have made on a physical level on this house as well as on me.

I even, at one point, was doing family therapy with her and brought it up several times in our sessions but she totally denies she has an issue. This is only due to the fact that she keeps her mess organized, but she does overbuying and hoarding.

I don't want to resent her but I find myself feeling this way when it affects my life like it does.

Its at a point now where the washer and dryer in this house is broken and just flat out needs to be replaced but we can't do anything just yet cause we need to have space to take the old set out and put the new one in. That is fine, but she keeps putting it off, and it's a challenge for me not to get upset about it.

Hi, my mum grew up very poor but was successful kind of in her life and has enough money to not worry about food and shelter I think for herself. I have a hate-but-emotionally-am-not-free-from-needing-her yet relationship. So disappointed in her. And no energy whatsoever anymore to be happy or successful. She called me naive yesterday for my life goals and I want to throw out the towel again and just lie in bed wait for myself to rot bc I am always too naive to know what’s best for me it seems. I haven’t done anything the last 2-3 years in my life due to her way of speaking to me and yet we have a good relationship????? It is so confusing. I got her to let me see her state of the apartment and managed to take a short video without her noticing. Idk if I should use it as a reminder for me that she’s not to be taken serious. I know she is really “ill” or has issues (the apartment is much or just as hoarded as you see here and there’s barely place to walk, only a small tiny walkway to move (no space to move really anymore). She buys a lot of cheap stuff online every day. But on the other hand she is very skilled, knows many important people, and get me into good jobs and universities with her contacts, she is on paper successful as a business woman. Those two truths are impossible for me to put next to each other. Anyway. I’m 24 female haven’t done anything since age 21 bc im apparently too naive and want the wrong things in life. She’s the most important person in my life and I hate myself. And I hate her too. I never want to speak to her again. Can I add a photo of the state of her apartment? No right? It is soothing to look at bc it shows me who she is.

Ciao a tutti. Volevo aggiungere alcuni pensieri personali al guida alla pulizia già postata in questo subreddit dal team

-Avere tutto a portata di mano ha completamente cambiato il mio approccio alla pulizia. Prima dovevo fermarmi per cercare sacchetti della spazzatura o prodotti per le pulizie. Ora tengo tutto vicino: sacchetti della spazzatura, prodotti per le pulizie, spugne, panni in microfibra e asciugamani di carta.

-La privacy può aiutare. Fai pause frequenti, bevi qualche bevanda calda o rinfrescante, e tieni degli snack a portata di mano (basta gettare le confezioni nel sacchetto della spazzatura. È veloce :))

-Un pensiero personale: vivo in Europa, dove le norme sulla gestione dei rifiuti e il riciclaggio possono essere piuttosto rigide. Prima di buttare bottiglie o contenitori con liquido dentro (a patto che il liquido non sia troppo denso o acido), di solito li svuoto nel water, sciacquo il contenitore di plastica o vetro e lo lascio vicino alla porta. In quel modo, posso portarlo successivamente al contenitore di riciclaggio appropriato. Questo ultimo passaggio non è pratico per tutti, dato che è qualcosa che puoi fare dopo che la pulizia di base è finita. Tuttavia, penso che, sorprendentemente, potrebbe essere motivante in modo positivo per le persone con ADHD - molto soggettivo.

L'importante è non mettere troppa pressione su te stesso e trovare una routine logica che funzioni per te.

Bene, abbracci.

Years ago I saw a secret video of my home from a family member:( I was so embarrassed and thought I could clean up in a year. Well it is a lot better Back then I had a bedroom with a small space to walk, an unusable bathroom upstairs, a hallway that was hard to walk in, a pantry and laundry room that was stuffed and piles all over. Now it is mostly just my bookshelves, by my couch and the super small laundry room. In the next 3-5 years I want to move. I have my eye on an area in Florida or Arizona. I only want to take my clothes and a box of books and “let” my husband fill his trailer with tools and most important camping gear. I think now I am a cluttered person who is unorganized. Most of my house is low level 1 hoard, maybe with some 2 areas. I made lots of improvements over the years but I need to push through and get rid of much more. If we moved we would likely have 1/3 of the space. I’m struggling. I listen and have read audiobooks on hoarding, downsizing and and I just am having trouble getting to the next level of improvement. I don’t have money for a service or helper. I have money to take carloads to the landfill or donation. Any advice to keep going, releasing and improving my space? I feel like it is time to let more go and I know future goals.

I feel sometimes embarrassed to post on here with how I struggle with very basic things.

(Please be gentle with me, I am really trying to improve)

Ive been ever so slowly improving every month and I feel that I've hit another break through. Something has come up unfortunately. I am needing pallative care as I am a very sickly person. I'm still very slowly working on my hoard as I keep almost tripping and falling. I can only do so much by myself so I am very slow. I've been putting in the work but I am terrified of having the pallative care person come to my house.

I feel embarrassed by everything. It really shows how badly I've been struggling and things I can't hide. I worry that they won't understand, (I have yet to see a healthcare professional that truly understands what its like).

I want to get to a good baseline prior to them coming but I am worried if I rush to clean that it is not a long term solution. I don't know what to do. I feel very embarrassed and nervous.

This has happened to me over the last month and it's so strange. All of a sudden I just started tossing stuff I previously would have had to "go though". I had a big box of contractor bags and I figured I haven't looked at whatever this is in years I obviously don't miss it so off it goes!

I don't have trash to deal with, I have an excess of clothing and books and beauty products. I live in a very small space and I stopped shopping a few years ago. I just lost interest but I had accumulated quite a bit.

One day about a month ago I could suddenly SEE it. I just started going crazy getting rid of things. I didn't even feel bad or remorseful or guilty or anything just relieved. I have quite a ways to go but I don't have any desire to accumulate or keep stuff not being used.

I'm wondering why I suddenly feel like this and if this has been a thing for anyone else here?. Every time I take a few more bags out it's like a touchdown or something. Out of 5 drawers I kept maybe 10 items. I didn't even look at most of what was there in depth I just saw what it was and immediately let it go.

Anyway I'm wondering if this is something anyone else has experienced and how it went for you? I still feel overwhelmed with the amount I need to purge but I'm now at a point where once I get into a pile of something I complete it and think of what I want to tackle next.

I am new to this sub. My husband isn't a hoarder but he is a cluttery slob. We live in a small (350 square foot) one-bedroom apartment in a big city.

He buys things online.

Examples: We now have two humidifiers, one for each room, and do not use either. He just bought two new fans and decided they are too noisy. We now have five fans in the home. He bought a lettuce slicer that he has never used and has forgotten about. He doesn't even eat lettuce. This was an aspirational purchase. Our neighbor moved and left her old food and toiletries, so we now have a few dozen random spice bottles and bathroom items.

When my husband is away, I have started throwing away some of his clutter. This is stuff he will never know is gone and will never miss.

Examples: He used to print out everything. I threw out paperwork/correspondence from a former job he had 20 years ago.

He saves packaging. I threw out a stack of padded Amazon bags and random cardboard boxes.

He claims that at one point in the past, at my behest, he threw out a few things he now regrets, and as a result will not throw out anything. He gets mad and argues about this if I try to institute a cleanup session with him.

I am seeking opinions on my throwing away things he will never miss and never know are gone. I feel a bit guilty doing it, but mostly liberated.

PS: If you look at the clutter image scale, our home is a 2, maybe 2.5, but not 3.

That was a lot to pack into a title I know. How many of you out there feel like you hold everything together, give the only semblance of a clean and orderly house and are afraid to leave because you worry what your kids would live in without you? I live in a hoarders house . 85% of stuff is spouses. Some things like clothes from high school. Kids toys for years ago, items with tags still because the thrill of the buy is more than the need for the actual item. All this tucked in unused rooms that would be useable if not for the crap.

I do 90% of the cleaning and keeping order in the house . My wife gies to her part time job, runs my youngest around and the rest of her time is spent bed rotting and doomscrolling.

If I left, I just don’t know what kind of filth my kids would live in. That’s the main reason I stay. Love left the marriage years ago partly out of loss of respect for the things mentioned.

Oh did I mention leftover food hoarding where containers fall from fridge when you open it?

I’m stuck and tired.

Here is the situation: My father (65M) is a hoarder. He has been one his whole life, and he knows it. During times when he was somewhat self-regulated, there was a small space where I could visit him, but the situation is now extreme. He has never been able to leave my grandmother's house because he cannot bring himself to clear out his belongings in order to sell it and buy another place. He has rented other properties but never manages to stay in them permanently. When I talk to him, he sometimes acknowledges his problem, but he is extremely self-centered; this realization never lasts, and he refuses therapy because he believes he is so brilliant and such a good psychoanalyst (he is, in fact, a medical doctor and psychoanalyst) that he would end up helping the therapist instead. He has his house, an antiques and second-hand goods business, and two storage units. His mental health and appearance are steadily deteriorating; it is very difficult to discuss any topic with him or reason about his situation because he is impervious to logic and incredibly arrogant. Furthermore, he spends all the money he earns at the shop on buying even more things. This has always been the case, but the problem now is that, due to his general state, he has stopped paying his building maintenance fees; while bureaucratic processes are slow, he is at risk of losing his home. All our relatives—except me, curiously—have received a threat of property seizure due to non-payment. They are all worried—not just out of self-interest, but because they love him dearly and are willing to help me in any way possible.

Since he always boasted about "being a healthy person (healthier than anyone else on the face of the earth) with just one small bad habit," I never felt the necessary push to take action beyond begging him to go to therapy, stop buying things, and clear out his house. I even begged him for a small space so I could live with him when I needed to, but he couldn't provide it. If he loses the house, I don’t know what will become of him or me; I live at my boyfriend’s place—he pays the rent—and my mother (who has issues of a different nature) helps me out a bit. I have almost no money because I can’t find a job (off-topic: my country is in crisis).

Right now, my family and I are looking at alternatives. My aunt suggested admitting him to the facility where my cousin recovered from a cocaine addiction; it’s a very nice place but very expensive, and I couldn't afford it—though maybe she would help? But there is no way my father would agree to that. Regardless, I’ve asked for a meeting with the director of that institute.

The other option—which seems viable to me but controversial—is to go into his house one day when he isn't there (sometimes he visits friends in another town or goes on vacation) and clear it out (with the help of my many cousins, my nephew, and my boyfriend). The two problems are: 1) he might hate us forever, and 2) he might fill it up again.

The idea would be to clear it out—perhaps visiting him constantly and tossing things out—and sell the place to buy a house with no monthly maintenance fees so his only property isn't at risk. It would be a house that is truly his, one he could keep in good enough condition to invite his loved ones over (something he misses doing terribly).

Does anyone have experience forcibly clearing out a hoarder's house? Is there anything I’m not taking into account?

And sorry if i made any mistake

Hi, I grew up in a house that was big enough to hold everything we bought without throwing away / getting rid of things we weren’t currently using, and where we were not encouraged to be in any way minimal or tidy.

I have now been decluttering in and off for about 15 years, after the obvious things, large furniture, recycling old newspapers and magazines, now there are persistent things which would seem to have an intrinsic value.

Records, toys, a shisha pipe from Egypt, an unwrapped mouse mat from a museum.. Some of the items I thought had value but in eBay they keep getting relisted. Also for the smaller items that would get a fiver or a tenner it seems exhausting to list them on eBay. I don’t want them to go into landfill.

I don’t have a car so I can’t do a car boot sale. If I pay for a house clearance I guess they make double bubble, because I am paying them to take it away then they sell it.

Is that just something I should live with? Would would others do with the clutter that is perfectly fine or has a bit of value? I am hoping to get this lot cleared in months rather than years.

My husband is a hoarder and I think I'm getting to the point where I can't live like this anymore. Not only does he hoard, he also doesn't see mess or clutter. We recently had a baby and I don't know if I want to submit my child to that sort of life. It's shameful, embarrassing and I feel like I'm Sysiphus; constantly trying to get rid of things but the rate at which trash enters my home exceeds the rate at which I can discard it. Not looking for advice but hopefully can find folks that can relate.

It's getting to the point where it's enough that I have thoughts of leaving him.

I was hospitalized for 2 weeks and my mom cleaned my house without my permission or knowledge. I have shoes with no pairs, she took my clothing from my closet that was clean to her house wash and threw away a handmade wallet. She removed some jewelry from my drawer and threw away an aquarium canister filter worth 350. When I ask her where my stuff is she says she hasn't a clue. Should I go to her house and look for my belongings.

I made the mistake of throwing 9 x 55 gallon bags of trash away. Long story short…. My wife is a hoarder level 3. It’s bad. Two rooms in the house you can barely open the doors to try and walk in and you have a little standing room at the door and that’s it. You can’t get in the rooms. The whole house is a mess. Pathways everywhere. We have been married 31 years. I have dealt with the hoarding this long. I have had my ups and downs with her over it. I have tried everything I could do and nothing works.

My retirement plan was to sell this house just to get out of the hoard. I did this once before and while her hoard was in storage, life was great. She wanted her stuff and I gave her an ultimatum. She chose her stuff. We separated for 2 years while I remodeled the other house to sell. So, while I wanted to start remodeling this house to sell, I had to wait for my daughter and grandkids to move out. She is as bad as my wife. She left so much trash in the kids bedroom and bathroom. As I was cleaning up I found 10 dirty diapers on the floor under toys and trash. I was mad. I threw it all away. My daughter left it so I assumed she didn’t want it. My wife found out I threw the toys away and is very mad at me. She had a break down over it and now is doing things to “get back” at me. She is going out of town this weekend and never invited me. Anyway, I am at my wits end. I love my wife.

But how do I put up with this. We barely speak now because of it. I am not perfect by any means. She has put up with me for 31 years as well. But as a hoarder who will never change, I feel like my only hope is to get a divorce. I begged her to get help a few months ago and gave her the therapist phone number that is close by who specializes in hoarding. She won’t call. She doesn’t see what the problem is nor thinks she has one. Sorry for the long rant. Just had to get this off my chest. It’s eating me up. I had a heart attack years ago and I feel the stress of this house is going to be the death of me.

So my toddler sings a little song when packing away toys - a habit learned from preschool.

Thanks to my AuDHD, part of it has become a vocal stim for me when trying to work through a hoarded area. Since it makes me think of my child being cute, and also motivates me to break the generational hoarding cycle, it's become a helpful thing embedded in my brain.

Thought I'd share this accidental cute win. <3

I always kind of joked that I have a food hoarding issue and I also have a fair bit of clutter. But after I went to the shops for the fourth time in a week to buy food and continue to stuff it into my overcrowded fridge and pantry, it dawned on me that the joke may be more real than I thought.

I tend to buy stuff on special because it’s a good bargain when it half price. Sometimes I don’t realise I’ve already bought the product. Veggies will go rotten in the fridge because I’ve bought too much and can’t eat it all in a reasonable time. My freezer/s. (I have more than one freezer space) is packed full of food.

I have to check myself and not buy anything too sweet like biscuits or I will binge eat the lot in a night.

I have kept stuff slightly out of date but thank goodness I am learning to bin things. However, I feel bad for doing so as some stuff I’ve never opened.

I have obesity and had a gastric sleeve due to habitual overeating.

I have had psychologist appointments in the past for eating. But I’m starting to think food hoarding is something else I need to address. Mainly because I’m spending so much money on food and groceries in general.

I believe some stems from trauma growing up. I had a mentally unwell mother and my father was a hoarder as well. In fact they may have also hoarded food.

Just trying to wrap my head around it. Is this something that sounds like a possibility?

I am the child of a hoarder and I am cleaning the garage to move my room down here as my other room is too far gone to live in safely at all, idk where to start at all, I've cleaned enough to get a mattress down here but don't really know where to go from here I need to get almost 15 years of hoarding clean in 2 weeks by myself, Theres lots of rats and bugs down here (spiders, cockroaches moths ect) majority of the stuff down here has been here since before I was born, i want to get it clean by my birthday (2 weeks) so i can have friends over because ive never had friends over before, i need advice on how to get it clean bc ive never had a truly clean space that's my own in my life

A scorpion asks a frog to carry him across a river. The frog refuses at first, saying, “You’ll sting me.”

The scorpion replies, “Why would I do that? If I sting you while we’re crossing, we’ll both drown.”

That logic makes sense to the frog, so he agrees. Halfway across the river, the scorpion suddenly stings him.

As the poison takes effect and they both begin to sink, the frog asks, “Why did you do that? Now we’re both going to die.”

The scorpion answers:

“It’s in my nature.”

I gave up on my wife. I've asked her to leave. I simply don't trust her no more.

It's deeply rooted in her family. Her mother is a hoarder and her two brothers are hoarders. They also lack adult responsibilities, what I call Peter Pan syndrome. As the fxer of the family, I refuse to fix anymore.

There are other issues like holding on to a father's failing business. He passed away nearly two years ago. I've been subsidizing their business for years. I can no longer afford to do it. It looses about 50k a year. But, I did my best. That's all I can say but now I'm full of regrets and disappointment.

You can't change the nature of a hoarder. It's impossible. I've tried my entire life.

Update: Wife has been working hard. Lol. She took care of the kids' financial administration duties all day. Sometimes, you just have to threaten to take it all the way. Like poker or the game of chicken. For now, things are okay. Let's see what happens next.

I have ants - not the biting kind. SO I now have no choice but to go into high gear and dehoard from a level 3 to a level 2 at least. Will update as I make progress.

Realizing now that I single handedly brought us down to a mid level 3 from a level 4 approaching 5, my spouse magically falls asleep or is absent whenever dehoarding is planned. Realizing I’m in this on my own.

Having said that, my plan for bringing down from mid level 3 to a low level 2 will require debulking the remaining large categories - media, books, stationary, electric extension cords, spouse shoes.