I'm 29M, she's 27F. We've been dating for about seven weeks and she invited me to her sister's wedding next month.

I agreed, but yesterday she asked me to tell her family we've been together since April if anyone asks.

Turns out she told her parents months ago that she had a boyfriend because her mom kept trying to set her up with people. She wasn't actually seeing anyone at the time.

Her sister knows the truth, but apparently the rest of the family thinks she's been in a relationship for months.

She says it's harmless and she just doesn't want to explain the whole thing during the wedding. I told her I'd rather just say we recently started dating, but she thinks that'll make everything awkward.

I like her, but being asked to lie to her family before I've even met them seems like a strange way to start things.

Would you go along with it or is this something you'd take seriously?

I'm an adult male and this is my lifestyle.

1. I eat the same meals each day. Generally there is no variation.
2. I have a wardrobe of shirts, shorts, underwear, socks, hoodies, and sweatpants. Most of them are black and they are mostly the same item just repeated, e.g. I have 20 of the same shirt, 20 of the same shorts, 20 of the same underwear, 5 of the same hoodie, 5 of the same sweatpants. All cotton. All clean, I wear new fresh clean clothes each day, it is just the same uniform, basically.
3. I do have some other variants of clothing items but mostly it is that uniform.
4. I prefer a life with the same routine - so for me a lifestyle with a gym routine focus as the foundation is ideal to me.
5. I very much dislike going out and about to cafes, restaurants, cinemas, malls, and generally anywhere that is filled with lots of people. In my experience there is too much noise, too much energy, and it is something I dislike.
6. I'm also an introvert, perhaps 'ambivert', I can hold a conversation with basically anyone but I don't seek out connections and conversations like many extroverts do.

I'd just like to hear views from women on if this lifestyle/the way I am would be reason enough to not want to be in a relationship with me. I'd find it helpful to get an understanding of the way many women think and view this kind of lifestyle/the way I am as it would give me great perspective. Please be blunt and direct, I won't argue with you or anything like that, I just want to know what your unfiltered thoughts are. Thank you.

Edit: Just a quick edit, thank you everyone for sharing your perspectives. I just want to be clear that I'm not looking for a girlfriend or a wife right now and I am not expecting a perfect girlfriend or wife to suit me and my quirks. I do not feel entitled like that.

For many years I didn't know I was all that different because I was told, by people close to me, that I was normal and that I just had anxiety. But the last several years have given me the opportunity to live in a way that is more my style and this year I've come to have a realization that actually I'm different.

Unfortunately, in previous relationships I found myself drained and unable to continue the relationship, and I didn't have awareness of the way I am different (because I was trying to fit in with social norms that I struggle with and I believed I was normal and just had anxiety issues) and my lack of self knowledge meant I couldn't articulate any of this to them.

Getting more perspectives here really helps me understand differences in me and others so if another woman shows interest in me in the future I will feel more confident in being honest and clear that I'm different, and I think having the conversation like that will be a good thing because she will be able to make an informed decision.

Thank you.

Hey ya'll. I was just thinking about this topic the other day and I am hoping to get a women's perspective. This is something I've seen women do as well as talk about in this sub, and I want to get a better understanding of.

Often I see situations where women report that they "lose interest" if a guy they are into doesn't reciprocate or pick up on hints that they leave (I know not all women resort to leaving "hints" but many do). I want to understand this a bit better.

Say you meet a guy, maybe he's new to your social circle. You find him attractive, funny, interesting, and you two have some things in common. You drop hints, but he isn't acting on them. Then, 3 or 4 months later, he asks you out, but you've "lost interest," so you decline.

I want to know more about your thought process. What is going through your head when you lose interest? What are you feeling? Presumably, the guy is just as attractive before, he's still funny, and you two still have things in common, and he is apparently interested in you, so why aren't you interested anymore?

Especially if you never actually asked him out. I can totally understand not wanting to date someone who actually rejected you, but if all you did was leave some hints that he didn't act on, then I'm not reading this as a rejection, as sometimes guys don't pick up on hints. There could be other valid reasons for not moving forward at that time of course, such as being too fresh out of a relationship, bad timing with some issues that are time consuming, etc.

Curious to hear your thoughts!

Edit: Just want to make this clear, as some replies make me think it isn't: This is a hypothetical, not a situation I am currently in, it is just for curiosities sake!

I'm 29M and met this girl (28F) through a mutual friend. We've been on three dates and the chemistry is probably the best I've had in years.

The catch is she's leaving in November to work at a ski resort in Vermont until April. She told me about it on our first date, so it's not like she hid anything.

She wants to keep seeing me until she leaves and said we can figure things out afterward if we're both still interested.

I wasn't expecting to like her this much and now I'm wondering if continuing is a stupid idea. Five months is a long time when you've barely started dating.

Would you enjoy the time you have together or end it before getting too attached?

My good guy friend and I hooked up after a night of extreme drinking.
We’ve known each other for years and have been causal friends but recently reconnected after I moved to the city.
I used to date his friend in college (10+ years ago).
I enjoy hanging out with him but I know fundamentally we would never ever work in a romantic setting. AKA a relationship that would lead to dating or marriage.

I wouldn’t be opposed to being FWB but don’t want to have this get messy because I really do value his friendship.
He did ask me to hangout again and we’ve been texting like normal but haven’t acknowledged the hookup.

What’s the best way to proceed? Just stop and cut it off?

Whenever I hear someone say they are a bad texter, I immediately think, “so am I: with people I don’t want to talk to.” I can be a great texter if I am interested, but I also suck at texting if there’s no connection. Is it wrong to assume most people are this way? Or are there actually people who are bad at texting those they are actually interested in?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He’s a really amazing person, funny, caring, the whole package. We have a really good relationship so far aside from this. So his best friend (going to call her Carly as I don’t want to use her real name) and him have been close for years. She’s been married to her husband for 2 years, together for 8, but when I met my boyfriend’s other friends, they all didn’t like this girl. He’s massively into football, and so is she, but that’s about all they have in common. Just to make it clear, I have absolutely no issue with him having female friends, there’s just a few things about her that are making me uncomfortable. When he first told her that he was in a relationship, the first thing that she said was that she’s happy for him but to keep his options open. I’d never even met her at this point, so I’m not sure what she meant by that. The first time I met her, she ran up to him and hugged him, I introduced myself and she completely ignored me. The whole time she sat talking to my boyfriend with her back to me. It was so embarrassing, I was already very nervous and I just felt pushed out. We went on a day trip for my boyfriend’s 29th birthday last month, and the whole time she was saying how much she loved him and kept making comments aimed at me. She eventually spoke to me and asked what football team I support, I told her I don’t watch football but told her I’d like her to teach me a few things next time we go to watch my boyfriend play. She shot me a dirty look, laughed, and said “do you like anything?”. Again, this is my first time actually talking to her. It’s like because me and her don’t have that particular interest in common she just doesn’t like me. She then proceeded to tell my boyfriend i’m not the one and he needs someone more like her. This is all in front of her husband too, who I honestly like a lot more, he asked if I was okay and was the only one to tell her to stop. Then, she noticed my nails. My God she did not seem happy. Carly went on a 5 minute long rant about how I’m so “high maintenance” and called me a gold digger. Keep in mind, I only got my nails done as I had a wedding the week before, and I paid for them, not my boyfriend. We go 50/50 on everything. I told her that, and then she brought up the time my boyfriend bought me flowers. Flowers. She grabbed my boyfriend in for a hug, and said he deserves better. This is not even half of it. She’s just so rude, and when I brought it up to my boyfriend he brushed it off and said that’s just Carly.

We went to one of my boyfriend’s other friends birthday last week, we just went out for some drinks and she got very drunk. I was talking to the birthday girl, who said she didn’t even invite Carly out and that my boyfriend just assumed he could bring her. The birthday girl then told me when she first joined the group, Carly was nasty to her too, but that she really seems to have it out for me. We went back to where everyone else was, and Carly was clinging onto my boyfriend for dear life. I know I probably sound like a crazy, jealous, insecure person right now but I really don’t know what to do here. Am I being insecure? Do I have a right to be uncomfortable with this? Is there something going on? Aside from all this my boyfriend is very loyal, so I don’t want to accuse him of anything unless I know that something is definitely going on.

TLDR: My boyfriend’s female best friend, Carly, is making me feel pushed out a lot and keeps making harsh comments about everything I do. She’s very clingy to him, despite being married herself. She talks to my boyfriend more than her husband at events, and they text all the time. Am I being insecure or do I have a right to feel uncomfortable?

Title says it all, how would you guys deal with meeting new girls as a man if you're ashamed because you don't have much going on in life ? (And I beg yall, before you say just improve your life, it's due to mental health issues, I'm asking for advice on how to deal with the shame, not the circumstances)

🖤

I’m a college freshman and I saw this cute girl in my class and built up the courage to talk to her. She said she had a boyfriend almost immediately but I’m super happy because I got out of my comfort zone and went up to her and talked to her. This may sound weird but getting rejected made my day because i’m so proud of myself. Just had to let someone know.

Be as blunt and real as possible and speak from experience

I’ve been seeing a woman for the past couple of months. We aren’t officially boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but we agreed to date exclusively and not talk to anyone else romantically. We’ve gotten pretty close—multiple dates, sleepovers, kissing/physical intimacy, concerts, long phone calls, etc. She has told me she is seriously considering a relationship with me, but wanted some more time before officially putting a label on things.

One important complication is her family. She has told me previously that her family dynamic can be volatile and that this is one of the reasons she is cautious about dating.

This past Saturday we were at a bar together when her brother and nephews unexpectedly showed up. She immediately told me that around them I needed to refer to her as my friend and not say we were dating or that I was her boyfriend. But I was intoxicated and definitely don't remember this part as we had been drinking a bit.

This is where I screwed up.

Despite her directly telling me that, I went up to her brother and referred to myself as her boyfriend anyway. She denied that I was her boyfriend, which triggered me emotionally because after everything we’ve been doing together, it felt like I was being rejected or hidden.

Instead of dealing with that privately like I should have, I got upset and verbally lashed out. We ended up arguing in front of her family and some of our friends. Looking back, I understand that she had explicitly given me a boundary and I ignored it. Regardless of how rejected I felt in the moment, I put her in a terrible position with her family.

I’ve apologized to her and taken responsibility without trying to justify what I did. I also apologized to one of her friends who was there because I put her in an uncomfortable situation too.

She has now told me she needs time to process everything and isn’t sure whether she wants to continue seeing me.

We are still communicating somewhat. She hasn’t completely cut me off and has mentioned talking again, but things obviously feel much more guarded than they did before.

I care about her a lot and I genuinely want to repair the damage, but I also know that repeatedly apologizing or trying to convince her to stay could make things worse.

For people who have been through something similar:

Is something like this realistically repairable, or did I cross a boundary that would make you walk away?

And if it is repairable, is the best thing I can do now simply give her space and demonstrate through my behavior that I can respect her boundaries going forward?

I know I was wrong in how I handled it. I’m not looking for people to tell me that what I did was okay. I’m mostly trying to understand whether trust can realistically be rebuilt after an incident like this.

EDIT:

I really appreciate each and every single one of the comments. By no means am I using my consumption of alcohol and being drunk as an excuse to crash out the way that I did. I have scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist and have been working on my anxious attachment with my therapist for over a year now. Ultimately, I hope to be better and do better regardless of whether she decides to pursue this further.

Thanks a ton all,

TLDR: Didn't have successful dating experience when I was younger, now being older and more established, I realize dating has only gotten better with age and good career as an average-looking guy. Majority of women around me have told me that the guy they prefer to date is kind, decent personality, tall, and attractive to them. All of my friends have described everything but the last two, and the guys that I know are the last two have better success at dating than me. Older group of friends in their 40s that I've met have shown/told me of how dating is and for men it gets better. So should I wait until im 30 and expand my age range?

I'm 25, Cambodian, short, average-looking, and from Canada but live/worked in LA, CA, for many years. Commonly heard about average-looking guys in their 20s trying to date, it's a terrible. Handful of matches on online dating, and countless rejections in-person.

Tried every piece of advice you, or anybody, have said; treat women right, go to the gym, skin routine, eat right, go to social events and talk, find a hobby you love, find a hobby where you can meet women, dress better, have a good haircut, good hygiene, go to the club, don't go to the club, go to the bar, say this women, don't say that to women, go volunteer, listen to women because they know what a woman wants, don't listen to the "fish" and listen to the "fisherman", revamped my dating profile based on my peers' opinions, love yourself, let love find you, try this, don't try this, don't try too hard, don't try at all, be yourself, be yourself but better, etc etc etc.

After 6 years, this has gotten me countless rejections, girl ends up not liking me or I end up not liking them, and frustration. I can probably count on one hand on the amount of positive, excluding neutral and negative, dating attempts. Doing everything right, yet falling short. I know guys that are not "husband-material", don't have good jobs, and have "meh" personality yet they are able to be successful on online dating or in-person. Why? I'm not sure, big correlation I notice is because they were tall and more handsome. NO, not every tall guy has success and every short guy is doomed, this is what I've noticed on the type of guy girls would go out of their way to approach, seen it with my own eyes. Never seen a short guy get approached. AGAIN, not every girl. Some of my female friends let me see how they swipe on dating apps, women that I know personally, and they all swiped on guys that were tall and handsome. One guy's profile were just selfies and prompts were one word. I checked in with my attractive male friends and their profiles were also lazy, one female friend said my profile was looking for a relationship and the other two guys were just looking to get laid. One of them had two relationships in one year, the current one has passed the one year mark. Furthermore on what my female friends mentioned in a guy they prefer has always had "tall or taller" in the criteria, yes also other factors as well such as personality. If the guy isn't physically what you want to date, how can he show his personality? Confidence? No amount of confidence can undo one's physical attraction. I know what you're saying, "what about short guys like Nick Jonas, Tom Holland, and Tom Cruise?", these are not the average-looking joes with the average joe's life. "Go outside, touch grass, look who's dating who", yes, I do agree that not all women date tall/very attractive men. The thing is tall guys make up around 11% of the male population, very attractive? That number goes further down. So would anybody continue to be single and wait? No. This doesn't really give me a good feelings to hear as a short guy though, thinking that the one of the reasons they want to date me is because they couldn't get who they want to date so they are settling on the next best thing. No ill-intent behind it, but just doesn't make you feel great knowing you're the second, or third, choice.

This is what I've noticed, as I age, I tend to get better success in dating. I'm still as confident and goofy guy when i was 20. It seems that at 20, you can't really dating beyond 18 or 21, most women prefer same-age or older guys(older as in within reasonable range). Now being 25, having a good career, I've had dates with women from 20 to 30. Still me from 5 years ago, just now more established. I have a friend group where they're in their 40s, mostly single. Bit disappointing that whatever dating problems there in your 20s is completely the same while dating in your 40s; ghosting, lying, crazy people, etc. However, the guys have gotten as much or more dates than the women in the group. They were dating women from 35 to 50. These guys are not tall, okay-looking, good careers, and have decent personalities to be successful in dating.

Now the question is "Should I just wait to be older to date?". If I'm 30, I can date 25-35, at 40 I can date 30-50, and so on. I would probably date younger as I want kids. Thoughts? Anybody wanna put their opinion?

Hi all, I’m 40+ now.
Just wanted to pass down some of my experience to younger guys here. Take it or leave it.
Here are four things I think every young man should know about attracting women.

1. Take action toward your goals, and don’t get attached to outcomes.
This sounds simple, but I think it’s probably the hardest mindset shift young men need to make.
Stop overthinking everything. Whenever you catch yourself overthinking, ask yourself one simple question: What’s the next action I need to take to get closer to my goal?
If you see a girl you find attractive, don’t sit there wondering if she likes you, whether she gave you a sign, or what might happen if you approach her. Just go talk to her.
The more action you take, the more momentum and confidence you’ll build, and the less you’ll depend on what other people think.
Does she like me? Was that a sign? What if she rejects me? Blah blah blah. Who cares?
What you think of yourself matters a lot more than what other people think of you. Your own mindset shapes the reality around you.

2. Eat healthy and work out. Get in shape.
For most men, becoming physically attractive isn’t that complicated. Just get in shape.
Unlike women, whose facial attractiveness plays a much bigger role, most men can become reasonably attractive simply by having a fit body.
And getting in shape is mostly a matter of whether you’re lazy or not. Almost anyone can do it if they actually put in the effort.
If you want to attract the opposite sex but can’t even be bothered to take care of your own body, what do you expect?

3. What you wear matters. A LOT.
If you’re clueless about fashion, find a stylist or someone who knows what they’re doing. Get a haircut that actually fits your face shape.
When I was younger, I used to think men could dress like slobs and that caring about fashion was a bit gay.
I was wrong.
You don’t need to wear a suit all day or walk around like some metrosexual guy, but you should at least know what styles fit your body type and make you look cool.
Think about it. Even when we watch anime or play video games, we love characters with cool outfits, hairstyles, and cosmetics.
Why would real life be any different?
How you present yourself matters A LOT, and I think many young guys seriously underestimate this.

4. Men generally have lower emotional intelligence than women at the same age, at least until they get older.
This is something I’ve noticed over the years, and I think a lot of guys don’t want to hear it.
Young men tend to be less emotionally mature than women their age. That’s just how I see it.
So don’t rush into choosing your life partner. Give yourself time to grow emotionally, figure out what you want, and understand what actually makes a relationship work.
I would actually advise most men to choose women around 5–6 years younger for a more balanced long-term relationship.
I know some people are going to hate that advice, but that’s my opinion after 40+ years of living.
Anyway, those are my four pieces of advice. Feel free to disagree.

I met this guy on Tinder, and we clicked right away. We had so much in common and spent a whole month chatting before finally deciding to meet in person.At first, I wanted to go to a museum for our first date, but he said his leg was hurting and he couldn't walk much, so he suggested a cafe instead. Although it turned out to be a McDonalds cafe.I even crocheted a beanie for him as a little gift. The conversation went really well, and I honestly thought we had a good connection.But after I got home, he texted me saying we weren't a good fit because I was slightly taller than him and it made him feel emasculated.The thing is, I honestly don't care about being taller than a guy. I'm only 5'6", so it's not like I'm particularly tall either.We spent a whole month getting to know each other, had so much in common, and I thought the date went well. It's just disappointing that something I don't even care about turned out to be such a big deal to him.I'm trying to understand if that's the real reason or if I should text him more.

I think I can attract people based on my looks

And it seems they kind of like me when they don't know me that deep yet

I do mention that I suffer from depression and other issues and have happy days and sad days

But it seems if I am an actual human being and not 100% positive and happy 24/7 like a clown, they lose interest and often reprimand me for having those emotions

Like I said they know I suffer from depression so it isn't really a surprise

Imagine being told by someone I'm dating that he doesn't like negative emotions so I should just stop having those completely

I really can't be with someone that I can't be my total self with, no matter how horrifically lonely I am

I'm tired of being avoided or ghosted if I don't act like a happy cartoon character 24/7

Like I keep hoping one person will be different but they are not and I'm just losing hope and don't even want to try anymore

It seems like anyone who isn't mentally and physically perfect is just ostracized for life

Like if you have depression or other health issues , how are your dating experiences

I am approaching the age where being a lifelong single becomes concerning rather than cute.
i have put a serious amount of effort into my looks over the years but i figure am just not what most guys are looking for physically due to factors I can’t change. being near other women and seeing the way guys light up when talking to them or even just approaching them is always really humiliating because nothing like that has ever happened for me. they say everyone is lonely nowadays but how can that be true when basically everyone my age i know is taken or has at least dated at some point? i do try to meet and interact with guys irl but i am unwilling to use dating apps - could this be why?

I (20F) have always dated men. And it’s always felt right. But when I found out around 11 that women can be with women, I always wondered what it would be like. But I never pursued any girls because I live in a small, rural town that wasn’t the most accepting to that. I knew most of my family would be okay if I were to be with a girl but I’ve always been terrified of telling them.

At the beginning of May I went through a very difficult breakup with a long-term boyfriend. I thought he was my soulmate and we would have the happily ever after life. So over the summer I had been doing a lot of thinking and wondering, and one day I downloaded tinder and set it to women. I matched with a girl,(19F), and we hit it off pretty well. I thought she was pretty and she seemed interested in me. We talked for a few weeks and decided to hang out. Things went good, and we’ve been seeing each other when we could because there is an hour between us and she is a full time college student and I work full time. We’ve kissed a few times and it felt okay but not like when I kissed a boy.

Two nights ago we were hanging out and we started to makeout and things progressed and we ended up doing a lot more. But I couldn’t make her finish and ever since I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. How it didn’t feel right. And how it was nothing like with a boy. I have been having feelings of doubt for a few weeks, but I don’t know how to talk to her about it. I genuinely love being with her and I think the world of her. But I don’t have the same feelings I do when I’m with a guy. I just don’t want her to feel like I’m using her or that I’m leading her on. Because I’m also her first everything, and I feel totally irresponsible for everything because of that.

She has been very supportive during all of this, and I have expressed to her that I don’t know what I want. But she has asked me if I would ever want to be her girlfriend and I couldn’t answer her. And now my mom kind of knows but not about everything and I don’t feel like she is okay with everything. I feel so conflicted and I don’t know what to do.

Edit
I should probably also include that I am a Christian and part of my conflict is due to that. I fully believe that everyone deserves to be able to love who ever they want to. But it feels like that doesn’t apply to me and I don’t know why either. Me and her have also discussed this because she grew up in the church and got out due to being gay. I guess that was a big factor in my attraction because I want to raise a family in the church no matter who it’s with.

I don’t mean overtly sexual behavior or anything that would make their intentions impossible to misinterpret. I’m talking about everyday signs of romantic interest that seemed obvious in hindsight, but at the time you genuinely thought they were just being nice or friendly.

What happened, and what made you interpret their behavior that way? Did you eventually realize they might have liked you?

I find these stories very endearing to read as pretty oblivious person myself!

Everything else about this man I love or can ignore, but these habits are really starting to get to me. But I’m scared it will make him self conscious about eating around me. These are the points I want to address:

1. ⁠He will drop food and crumbs on the floor when he eats and doesn’t notice enough to pick it up after
   
2. ⁠He willl get whatever sauce on his hands and will just pick up his phone or wipe it on his outside pants
   
3. ⁠He will use his fingers to scrape up crumbs or sauce on his plate (this one I think I might be able to ignore)

I see a future with him, and it won’t be a deal breaker. But I will become more averse to eating out or around him

I like crafting shit and had no idea what to get him as a present or if i even needed to (he did get me something too tho) but idk if something hand made may come off too strong

I’m curious how women distinguish between being friendly with a guy and actually flirting with him, especially when there’s already familiarity or history between them.

If you’re laughing at his jokes, teasing him back, using emojis, and sharing details about your life, is that generally just friendly conversation, or can it indicate attraction?

What separates a guy you’re comfortable talking to from one you’re genuinely interested in romantically?

I recently started seeing someone; they explicitly mentioned that they’re planning on dating multiple people with the intention of seeing where those emotional connections go.

My approach is the opposite of that. I like to get to know one person at a time. I won’t find someone else until I’ve explicitly let the other person know that it’s not working out for me.

This felt like a fundamental incompatibility so I opted to end things. But this has left me wondering, is it the norm now to date multiple people?

I don’t have a lot of dating experience so I truly do not know.

What's a dating opinion that would get you judged if you said it out loud?

I'm curious about the unpopular opinions people have about dating, attraction, situationships, and relationships... What's something you guys genuinely believe but usually keep to yourself because people might judge you for it?

Scenario: You meet up with someone you have been chatting to online but not yet met. Within five minutes of minute, you're instantly turned off.

As a guy asking this question, I personally always like to suggest that I pay for everything during the date. If the lady I'm on the date with insists she pays half, then that's okay. But generally, it's gracefully accepted that I pay. I almost feel like it's expected of me to pay, despite that not being the primary reason I do it- I would still feel pressured even if I didn't want another date.

If, after meeting, I immediately realise I do not want to see this girl again, how would you suggest I navigate this?

VERY curious to see what advice I'm given here.