r/consciousness • u/MichaelEdamura • 10h ago
You are two. Or at least I feel like I am
Let me preface by saying I’m asking this question largely because if want to know if I’m alone in this feeling. Better yet, if anyone could provide any material research on the matter I would appreciate it.
A while ago I watched a video by CGP grey recounting how this with lobotomies would often act without knowing why; that is to say, they would retroactively explain and rationalize their actions.
I was lying in bed the other night, trying to put certain aspects of my experience as a person into words for my significant other, and I realized that I experience something similar to the aforementioned.
Now to be clear I am not, to my knowledge, lobotomized. In fact I’m not talking about any disconnect between my actions and thoughts. Instead I’m talking about a disconnect between my rational, language based, thinking and my emotions.
If someone asks me where the capital of my country is, and I answer them, it is instant, there’s no thought. Of course, for something more obscure, I might take a second to answer, but there is no logical processing. The memory is being fetched by my linguistics area. Or at least it feels that way.
If I have to solve a math problem it requires the parsing of information. I look at the situation of front of me, and try and to come up with an answer using information I know.
Now my problem is that when someone asks me how I’m feeling it’s more like the latter situation. The external informational is my physical reaction and the situation at hand, and the internal information is what those reactions mean for my emotional state and how one would normally feel in any given situation.
On the other hand sometimes I am pushed to action by pure emotion. At times like that I can’t tell someone why I acted that way beyond the obvious. For example, if I instinctively denied something that was true I would say it’s because I’m embarrassed, but there have been times when I eventually realized my emotional motivation for an action wasn’t what I initially believed.
To me this suggests that there is a lack of communication between my emotional side and my rational/linguistic side compared to my short and long term memory. The fact that I react emotionally to things within my memory suggests that the emotional part of my brain also can communicate with my memories, but it remains isolated from my linguistic side. However, the fact that when I get irrationally angry I might hurl and insult or two means that I can use words when being driven to action by emotion.
This post might seem vague and nonsensical, or it might be something that everyone except me knows. We’re all isolated in our own heads, I would just like to feel a little less isolated.
Also I apologize if this isn’t coherent. I think I would need something more than a Reddit post to explore this feeling.