he lied to me since the beggining. i made it clear to him that i wouldn't be with someone who didn't support my rights so he decided to manipulate me. he says he's CF but still thinks abortion is murder and adoption is the only option. i would literally rather kill myself than give birth. i had a tubal because that's the standard sterilization surgery in my country so it can still fail. but even if i didn't have an uterus i'd still not wanna be with a pro lifer. also abortion is illegal in my shithole country. i've lost all hope. it's so hard to find CF men. and when i supposedly find one, he's against my fucking rights. do pro choice CF men even exist. they're all the same. he made me believe he was different. i'm so heartbroken.

The people who want kids the most are never the mentally stable ones. It's always the insecure people with a ton of personal issues who want to start a family.

i, 22f just got out of my bilateral salpingectomy! i didn’t really know what flair to use but i just need to get it out there because i am SOOOO HAPPY! easiest surgery ever, no pain, super quick, and a lifetime of assurance that i will NEVER be stuck with a little parasite :) i will happily be an auntie but only because i can give that thing back when im done. life is so good!

I have a friend who didn’t want to have kids. Then she met someone, and within a year and a half, he completely changed her entire philosophy. He convinced her that she wanted a child, and so they had one.

When she announced her pregnancy to me, I couldn’t believe it. I feared for the child, I feared for her... I knew that from then on, nothing would ever be the same.

We used to have endless conversations about why we didn't want children, we agreed on so many things. I had never seen any desire in her to have a baby if anything, she was more independent than I was. She couldn’t stay in one place, she always wanted to be on the move.

From the moment she got pregnant, all of that vanished as if it had never existed. I was faced with a person who romanticized the situation just to justify her choice, and she even had the nerve (knowing my stance against it) to suggest that I should have children too. That’s when I felt betrayed...

The baby was born, grew up, and then I received a baptism invitation. I couldn’t believe it. She used to be against all these kinds of celebrations. I didn’t want to go, but I was also curious to see how much she had transformed... I went, and she was just like all the other moms now.

She had put her laid-back, bohemian character aside, and I found her amidst a parade of wealth and high-end clothes, trying to adapt to it all, while looking so completely foreign to me.

I haven’t seen her since. I don't know how she changed so drastically. Was she always like that and just playing me? Or did they actually manage to convince her that her ultimate destiny is to be a mother?

One of my earliest memories was my bedbound grandma being rushed to the hospital, screaming in pain, and never returning.

I grew up with my grandpa and my mom lamenting the years prior to this, of grandma going blind for weeks, of her motor control slowly disappearing, of the first time she had to wear diapers, of the screaming, of the mental breakdowns, of the gradual breakdown of the body and dignity of a once spunky, athletic old woman who really did deserve more years than her genes gave her.

I approached my twenties with fear. I resented that I am born with this... dormant rot inside me, and I was born with the full knowledge that this was a possibility. That I was born possibly doomed. That the itching in my palms might just be the beginning of the end. That my family wasn't financially stable enough to at least help reduce the pain with the right medication.

And my partner and I knew whatever hypothetical child we wanted did not deserve this.

My MIL, though, after I told her all of this including my still present fear that one day I'll wake up and the MS decides to manifest and destroy my nervous system.. Told me to just have one kid, then. Just one, as if she fucking felt entitled to multiple grandchildren.

They really don't care about children most of the time, do they?

Anyhow, this happened some time ago but I just needed to vent about it because my heart is still broken since i used to think she was such a kind woman (since then, it turns out my partner had plenty of trauma regarding her to unpack and she wasn't as selfless as he was raised to believe). Thankfully, my partner and I are both sterilized now.

It seems everyone wants kids. So many times people on dating apps will be "unsure" or "don't care" only to then emphatically say yes they do want kids. Why did you even swipe right on me then?

To be absolutely clear, my sisters are 8 and 10. They aren’t adults, so they don’t know any better but i still feel grossed out.

I got engaged last week on a trip and told my family when i returned home. I’m absolutely overjoyed obviously, but not with the attitude of everyone.

They keep telling me they want to be aunts and one said that i “have a week to get pregnant for her.”

I feel absolutely disgusting. I’ve tried telling them to stop because it’s gross and i feel uncomfortable, but it’s cute and funny to my parents so it won’t stop.

I see a lot here about peoples relationships with their parents.

I’m more curious about your relationships with your partners parents. Are they supportive? Is there resentment?

In terms of medicine society doesn't care much for women's bodies. I've heard countless stories about doctors not taking our pain seriously, denying us care, make us months to get care and a diagnosis. Even then there's a good chance of being misdiagnosed, reschedule or a reference to another doctor who will then reference you to another.

Heartbreaking stories about women who have had IUD inserted as birth control to prevent having kids like all us want and 99% of them from what ive seen say its the worst pain they've ever felt even though it was supposed to be a "pinch," worst than being operated on in other areas without nesthesia, worse than child birth, the process looks painful, theyre using the same tools they used a century ago, not to mention the sharp tool (dont remember the name) they use to hold the opening. It digs into the flesh going to the cervix with thousands of nerver endings. Women with endometriosis who suffer in pain everyday and I just cant believe they're doing all of these studies on penises but not endometriosis. One of the studies they did do on endometriosis was on the partners who lived with women endometriosis and how they felt about it.

All of this and society has to run, humans can't go extinct meaning we'll have to reproduce and use our wombs our bodies to procreate but why would I? If I had endometriosis i would be suffering in pain and the medicine world wouldn't care, it seems like they just care about babies and our uterus. Even women who delivered their babies through C-section are just tossed Tylenol after being cut open multiple layers. They dont care about me why should I feed them humans? Possible a girl and she will go though the same thing?

I need help….

(Sorry for the long read!!!!)

My mom told my cousin months ago that she could bring her newborn to my 14+ wedding. I explicitly told her not to do this but she did anyway.

We got wind of this, told her that wouldn’t be happening and she needed to tell my cousin no. This wasn’t going to be fair as we have a large family and lots of people with kids, and a few with newborns. If we made the exception for her, we’d need to make it for all of them. This would defeat the purpose of our childfree wedding.

We got into a huge argument over it, didn’t talk for months, her and my sister stopped speaking to my fiancé because of it. We are a few days away from the wedding and all is okay now. Or so I thought.

This same cousin has now asked me a few days before the wedding if she can bring said newborn. I don’t want to be a dick, but I wouldn’t have gone through the effort of putting it on my invites if I didn’t really mean “nobody under 14”. I’m not upset at her asking as I know a lot of childfree weddings don’t include babes in arms, but she should have confided in me months ago, not just before the wedding. She should have came to me first, not got permission from my mom then made sure with me.

My other issue with this is that my mother is very manipulative and I almost feel as though she told my cousin to ask me so I would feel obligated to say yes. She confronted me a couple days ago with a very rude attitude saying “she JUST wants to bring the baby. She already has a babysitter for the other kid”. She was very harsh in her tone and for some reason I just had a gut feeling that she told my cousin to ask so that I would feel obligated to say yes, that way I couldn’t be mad at her.

I don’t really know what to say to my cousin. On one hand, I thought about just telling her to come to the reception since she’s already gotten permission but on the other hand, I don’t feel that’s fair as other people who were told not to bring their babies (and haven’t said a word about it) will be there without their kids. Those who will not be in attendance because of the rule will see the pictures with my cousin’s baby in the background and think “why could she bring hers and I couldn’t bring mine?”

I don’t want to be mean, I’m not totally against them coming to just the reception, but I also want to be as fair as possible. Please help.

At one point I was a fence sitter. Not having children was not something I always had a clear value of.

It wasn't until I researched on my own I discovered how much time, money, and responsibility it takes to raise a child....right. This is where I really found my conviction of not wanting children.

Most parents you ask are going to tell you things like it is the greatest challenge ever. That it's 100% worth having kids. That any bad is usurped by all the joy children bring. I don't doubt that there is an element of that, but it doesn't take into account how logistically and mentally taxing raising children is outside of the moments of joy. It's sometimes deemed selfish and entitled for not wanting to give your life to children.

Whenever I hear of people just falling into parenthood, I have to wonder how? To me, if you want children, it should be a long term goal you work towards. To get your financial ducks in a row, to work on any mental health issues that may cause problems during child care, and make a dedicated effort to save space for children in your life. Growing up I thought that was like, the bare minimum?

However, there is an astounding amount of people who have kids having done none of this work. And it's to be treated as a good thing? Never in my years has having kids ever been something I felt should be taken lightly at all. However when some people talk about it, you would think they just woke up one Tuesday morning and decided right there and then they wanted a child.

This was highlighted to me with an ex of mine (this was around the time I would have called myself a fence sitter not childfree.) He explained how he didn't think he could ever "plan" for it because it would give him too much anxiety. That he would just kind of want it to happen. This BLEW my mind.

It wasn't too long after this break up I really fell into not wanting children. Something about having people walking out there with this mindset made me horribly anxious. There is no way in hell I would ever EVER leave children to chance. Isn't that such disservice to the kids?

It made it apparent to me. I think there is more parents who won't let on and admit it because they can't without seeming like an awful parent, but they have kids because they either had no goals and needed something to fill the boredom or because that is what they think everyone has to do. To me, that doesn't feel like having children for the right reason.

Yet, I will be called entitled, selfish, self centered. But I have a hard time believing that. I feel if I know I don't have the facilities to child rear, its better I don't. How is that a negative?

Why tf are you cramping so much?! I am on the pill and i dont want kids i am not even on my period rn and yet this stupid fucking organ is torturing me for no appearant reason. I want to rip it out and throw it against a wall but yk why i cant do that? Because a hypothetical husband might want kids! I dont want kids! I dont want a man! I am a lesbian! Leave me alone you stupid organ!

In January I decided to get a BiSalp. It took until JULY to get an appt in network.

Had my consult in July and surgery scheduled for 10/20! Was so anxious it would get cancelled but NOPE! Had my surgery yesterday! FREEDOM.

I was queasy and dizzy for a few hours after surgery. And had some crazy gas pain in my shoulders.

But today feeling pretty good! Some mild gas pains (gasX rules) and abdomen pain. Taking Tylenol every 6 hours and it controls the pain.

If you're on the fence to get sterilized, do it! You're trading a few uncomfortable days for a lifetime of relief!

So glad I finally got this done and here's to staying childfree 🥂

my apartment complex is literal hell when it comes to kids. i've never seen kids this disrespectful before, there have been numerous events but the last two take the cake.

2 nights ago a group of kids were using a slingshot to throw pebbles at people, especially at younger kids, one of which got hurt because it hit them in their face. someone called security/night watchmen and parents were warned. that person then talked about it in the groupchat, and about 5 parents went on a rant about how "it's almost like you were never a kid" and (this one was the mother of one of the kids involved) "kids aren't allowed to be kids here, they were just having harmless fun, i saw it myself".

now management sends a note reporting that kids were seen spitting from their windows targeting a night watchman. parents are pissed, because "who said they targeted him", "they were just having fun", "why does everyone here hate our kids and keep telling management about everything they do" and also "kids don't even know right from wrong they don't know they can't do that" ETA - mom of one of the kids involved "idk why people have to always demonize little kids who didn't know what they were doing"

how is this normal???

Promoting my Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/childfree-singles-of-the-dmv/

Take down if inappropriate.

JetBlue has just announced a kid-free flight in partnership with a cruise on Virgin Voyages. I hope this is legit for anyone interested!

Where I live, the time someone spends away from their job when they are on parental leave counts towards their years of service and seniority on the job, as though they were working the entire time. They also continue to earn vacation time during their parental leave and can take up to 18 months of parental leave.

So in theory, a person can return to work after being away on parental leave for 18 months and have a significant amount of vacation time racked up to be able to take even more time off, leaving other people to pick up the slack. If they take back-to-back parental leaves or return from their parental leave pregnant, they’re essentially never at work but would have more seniority than someone who started after them but has been on the actual job longer. I have had colleagues who have had multiple kids back-to-back, so they're essentially off the job for literal years and have no clue how to do their job when they return and have to be trained like they're brand new but on paper, they have more seniority than most people because they started their job before having 4 kids in the span of 6 years.

One of my employees (who has told other people that she just wants to be a stay-at-home mom but can't because she and her husband just bought a house) used the vacation time she accrued during her first parental leave to extend her leave by one month (so 19 months total), and when she finally returned, announced she was 3 months pregnant. She is now using more vacation time she earned during her first leave to start her next 18 month leave one month early (another 19 months), so she would have been back for 4 months total. During these 4 months, she is often at appointments, home with her sick kid, or taking more vacation. When she's actually at work, she is mentally checked out, so essentially just an employee on paper and we will have to hire another temporary employee to cover her leave. Basically just a revolving door of temporary employees to cover for her.

Having kids is a lifestyle choice (unlike taking a sick leave). If you choose the parent lifestyle and take time away from work to devote your time to that, great! But earning seniority when you aren’t actually working—potentially for years if taking multiple back-to-back paid parental leaves—is unfair, imo. Why can't we all take years of job-protected paid leave to "follow our life purpose" or "build a legacy" (whatever reason people give for having kids), whatever that means for us (whether that be doing humanitarian aid, volunteering with orphans, picking up garbage, etc.)? I know it sounds weird, but I genuinely don't understand why one choice is more legitimate than the other.

I (33m) have been CF as long as I can remember, my mom knew it before I did when I always just wanted to watch movies on my portable DVD player or play Pokémon at wrestling tournaments, even when I was a kid I didn’t particularly care for them. Life progressed with relationships that ranged in seriousness until I got to law school when I met Joanna.

I dated her on and off for five years, started off as friends with benefits before become more serious over time. Sometimes we didn’t see each other because we were in different cities and sometimes we were truly broken up after a stretch of proper monogamy. One consistency throughout was that we were both CF, not only did neither of us want kids, we didn’t even like them. But towards the end of the relationship things began to deteriorate in new ways. We weren’t arguing about the role of unions or sports, she was screaming at me thati was racist because I took a European history class in high school. After a couple of months of this I ended things, it sucked but it was the right decision and I just assumed we had both changed over five years.

About eighteen months later on Instagram I see that she’s married and pregnant. I’ve always been nervous that I’d never find a partner, as many people are, but I always assumed it would be because I’m unattractive or unlucky, but this was the first time I realized that being CF may be what keeps me alone. I’m not some incredible catch but I wash my sheets and cook my own meals, I’m not some barnacle looking for another mommy. I always hoped I would meet someone eventually and just tried to keep working on myself and not getting discouraged but this is starting to feel like it was my only chance to find someone. I’m not going to change what I believe, I’ll be alone for the rest of my life before I bring an unwanted child into this world, I just wish it didn’t feel like those were my only two options.

I've always found this perspective stupid. Why continue that cycle as if older generations didn't feel bad for your future when you were young only for you to end up fine?

People shouldn't assume that the next generation won't thrive the same as we are currently. Especially when it was a way worse environment in the past

The next generation's experiences would just be under different circumstances from our own. Which means they'll have challenges which are unique for them to overcome

I'm sick and tired of the same cycle of people feeling bad for younger folks only to act all surprised when they become responsible civil people like how it's always been throughout history

It's ignorant and shows faliure to sit back and acknowledge how far we've come as a species in the first place

These same people won't be saying they "feel bad" once the next generation eventually thrives. (Which they ALWAYS do)

I don't know. I just don't believe it's fair for them to make that assumption now when they don't even know the future

I'm not saying things are perfect now. Far from it in fact

But damn, why would you have kids if you're only gonna feel bad for them when YOU put them in a world where the future is uncertain?

It just feels short-sighted to me

She's a self-centered, egotistical, insecure, jealous, desperate, male-centered, pick-me. She's settling in her relationship, goes out of her damn way to please and perform for her loser boyfriend but didn't even remember my fucking birthday (she's an astrologer, mind you) even though I made hers really special.

She feels pressured to get married soon because she knows she has a biological clock and she doesn't have the self-worth to wait for someone better, but I guess she and her partner deserve each other. Sucks to suck. I feel bad for their future children.

Tonight my husband and I stopped to get dinner at one of our favorite local restaurants. We were planning to sit inside as its fall here and starting to get chilly. Walked in and immediately our ears were assualted with two children scream crying at full volume. The mom sat next to them looking at her phone and ignoring them while other people in the restaurant were visibly uncomfortable.

The owner happened to be there so I stopped to chat with her. She told me this had been going on for 30 minutes with the mom doing NOTHING the entire time. We decided to sit outside and even outside, the crying was so loud that we could hear it.

The crying went on for another 30 minutes with the mom still doing NOTHING. People were coming in and sitting at tables inside only to get up and and either leave or go sit outside. I felt so bad for the owner because this is a small business and every dollar counts.

What the fuck is wrong with people? If your child is crying in a restaurant you either need to take them outside and calm them down or get your food to go and go the fuck home.

ETA: Do I wish the owner had said something to this woman? ABSOLUTELY. Do I also understand why they did not say anything? ALSO YES.

The last time I asked someone to quiet down their screaming children, I was met with extreme hostility. I asked them pretty calmly they screamed at me for 5 minutes in front of their child causing the child to cry more. Unfortunately, some people are self -centered narcissists that will lose their shit if you even breathe in their direction.

ETA2: A lot of you want to hate on the restaurant owner instead of the entitled woman. That woman 100% should have gotten up and left.

Went out for a birthday dinner last night, and the experience was ruined by a group of 6 couples with 5–6 kids who were being excessively loud. It was so noisy that having a conversation at our own table became difficult. I have nothing against children being taken to restaurants, but when did it become acceptable for parents to let their kids run riot while everyone else is expected to tolerate it?

The fort outlet of this restaurant is wonderful, which is why we chose to go to the Borivali outlet to cut down on the commute. Bad decision! Why should an entire restaurant have to compromise on its dining experience because one group cannot be considerate of others? And why does expecting some basic noise management automatically risk making you the villain who hates children?

Children are children. Nobody expects them to be silent, but parenthood doesn't exempt you from being considerate of other people in public spaces. Have we normalised this kind of entitlement?

Saw a post about a realistic animatronic corpse. Almost all the comments are parents whining and crying about how their kids are too scared to go on walks because of over the top decorations. Lots of them said the line "Halloween is for children". No. It's not. It's for everyone to enjoy in their own capacity. And they all say "My kids will have nightmares for years". No they fucking won't. They'll say "Damn, I wish I could get that scared again". I remember running down the street from "the spooky house". It's a great memory. Was I scared in the moment? Yes. Was I deeply traumatized? No.They aren't having life changing trauma over some fake blood and plastic. You look close at them and they're actually not even that good. They act like their kids have to trudge through a gauntlet of horror for candy. Realistically it's a handful of houses that go over the top. The rest are goofy ass inflatable Blueys dressed as a vampire or just some pumpkins. Nobody should have to stifle their creativity and hobbies because you popped out a few sheltered crotch goblins who think The Nightmare Before Christmas is scary. A lot of those people work very hard and put a lot of time, effort and MONEY into their displays. For everyone. People look back and go "Dude, remember that guy who always had that crazy awesome display for Halloween? That shit was dooooope". And that's all I really go to say about that.