Have you ever fired your doctor? I fired one recently because they used my diagnosis against me during a session. My wife heard it and got livid. I had hung up on the doctor prior to my wife saying anything though.

I'm feeling very angry, rageful, hateful, and impatient today and have been the last few days.

At the beginning of summer, in June, I went manic for about a month. I "stabilized" for about a month. I then entered a deep depression for a 2.5 months, starting in August and going through beginning of October.

Now, I'm just feeling all sorts of anger and rage. I know it's not mania as I don't feel the things I feel during mania (mainly grandiosity, hypersexuality, ). I also know it's not depression as I don't feel any of the things I do during depression (sadness, thoughts of dying, and absolute hopelessness.) This anger and rage and hate I'm feeling is all new. I normally don't feel anger, rage, and hate. Usually, when I've stabilized, I feel peaceful and calm, patient, loving and kind.

Where is this anger I feel coming from? Is this normal for bipolar folx? Do you all ever feel immense anger and rage and hate?

Also, I'm absolutely apathetic towards everyone and everything around me. The only (non-human) person I don't feel anger or apathy towards is my cat.

My psych doesn't have any openings 'til mid-November and it's been that way since I first reached out in August. I'm on a wait list so maybe someone will cancel and I can get in. I saw another psych to see if they could help me, but insurance got in the way and wouldn't approve any new meds or treatments. I see a therapist weekly.

I have had this condition for a while now and it's only lately that i read an article about the link between the two.

https://www.everydayhealth.com/skin-conditions/psoriasis-and-bipolar-disorder/

Does anyone of you also have the same or a history of a skin condition that's also autoimmune?

I’ve been tapering down an SSRI and am finally at 0 (as per psychiatrist) and I am getting horrible brain zaps and nausea. Psych gave me zofran to help.

Does anyone have any other tips on getting through the brain zap period? It’s so awful and dizzying

Lately, I’ve been plagued with rumination. I can’t stop thinking about the past and those I’ve hurt. Even though I am a much better person now, I live with guilt every day for the harm I caused.

I think myself into spirals of reconciliation daydreams-where I apologize and they forgive me. And we move on. It allows me only a brief moment of relief.

The reality is that I pushed them all away, and, to the best of my knowledge, nobody is willing to speak to me ever again. I understand and accept it.

So I guess my question for you all is this: If you are unable to make amends, or unable to provide the overdue apology, how do you forgive yourself? How do we move on from it?

It took me almost 30 years of losing friendships, relationships, ups and downs with my wife and fears of my son's future mental health and moving to Alabama lol, just to get diagnosed as being bipolar. It explains why I always had so many ups and downs mentally, along with feeling lost and cold but all hyper out of nowhere.

For years I had resentment and thought that if I could work it off, that it would one day just disappear but it hasn't. If anything it became an invisible friend with no benefits. A life sentence that will never be pardoned.

I'm currently awaiting a disability hearing not only because of mental health issues, but physical ones and it's been hell lately. The medicine that I received makes me have the shivers despite being hot, frustration and self doubt, and just an overall miserable episode of waiting for a verdict that could either make or break my sanity.

Right now, I hate my mother for having these issues may she rest in peace, but it explains so much because almost everything she had, I am currently fighting to not succumb to the woes. Maybe that's why I used to work so hard only to forget my own physical and mental health. I should have been seeking help, but even the doctor wondered why it took so long for me to seek help. Because I was ashamed of having this due to the issues of my past.

I hate having this because....I hate that it took so long for me to accept that I need help fighting this...

Im in my senior year of highschool and im absolutely terrified by the sheer amount of missing work that has built up for me like its so bad. School started for me in August and I think I have turned in maybe 12 assignments im so afraid im not going to graduate and I dont think I have enough credits to even apply to college right now its horrible and its around the time to apply so that sucks. Has anyone else had issues like this? How or did you climb out of it? Because anytime I try to do work its so fricking hard to do and when im depressed all the time I dont care about it and just trying to stay alive lol.

Edit: I sit with my children, love on them, and talk to them. I’m more so talking about how I don’t have the energy (and can’t seem to make myself) play 1 on 1 with them like I do when l’m having an episode.

Diagnosed BP2. My kids are my world. I love them more than the breath in my lungs, but I’m struggling. I get overwhelmed and angry very easily, and most of the time am stuck in a horrible depression. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to get out of bed, eat, shower, and even play with my kids. I feel so, so guilty. Why can’t I make myself? When I’m manic, I’m an AWESOME mom. I do spontaneous crafts, have tons of energy, play silly games, and bake cookies with them. That’s only every once in a while. Will I ever be able to reach a place of stability? I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m working with my doctor and we’ve tried numerous different medicines, but I still feel the same. Yesterday, my kid asked me if I could be “more like Bluey’s mom” and “do fun things”. I told them I would try. After they left, I just cried. I want to, I just can’t make myself.

I just started to date someone who I am very interested in. How do in tell them about being bipolar and explain some of the things that come with it without it being too much.

I canceled all of our upcoming appointments last week because I felt like she wasn't the right therapist for me. I messaged her to let her know ofc. She already knows that I do have suicidal ideations but it's passive, I don't intend to act on it. It took 7 long months with my psychiatrist to perfect my medication combo and I'm doing amazing actually. she called me today and proceeds to say that she doesn't want to get off the phone and end here because she thinks I'm a risk to myself. Understandable yes.... But I literally told her that I don't want to act on my ideations.
She started to talk about how I should look into php or ihp to help me and I told her that I'll look into it. Mind you I'm at work. In a hospital.... I work in radiology. If I felt some type of way I would've checked myself in. She started asking me for the address, I should've told her no because I already knew where this was going so I gave her the address to a different hospital. She said the crisis people or whatever it's called would give me a call. I planned on telling them that I was fine. They never called me. I got a call from my mom and I thought it was her but the lady answered. She started asking me if I'm okay etc etc and wanted to make sure I was safe. I'm beyond fucking irritated because I specifically told her I was okay. And then to show up multiple cars deep at my house with my mom being there by herself is just embarrassing. She has Parkinson's disease and severe anxiety. She said she can't stop shaking now and she was scared that something happened to me so I had to assure her I was completely okay. I don't know if they thought that they would come get me but that's not happening. Idk wtf she thought but this is crazyyyy!!!!!

Entered in an all too familiar loop, despite knowing it may be a loop- but what else do you do?
Got an idea for a new project. Don’t want to go into details but it was/is something that would take years. Within this week, went from believing I could do it, to researching how to do it, making lists of where to start, research what materials I would need… One day later, today, I start with the totally expected self mockery for thinking I could take this project on.
It’s impossible to ever have faith in myself when I want to do something new. It’s so hard to decide what to put energy into; sometimes I don’t put energy anywhere because I’m not sure what to trust. Rant end.

I wake up MULTIPLE times during the night and I’m almost always craving a snack or something sweet and sometimes I drink soda to relief the cravings!
I’m starting to think it’s because of the meds does anyone else experience this at night ?

Just wanted to post in case anyone else has experienced GLP-1 and bipolar interactions.

I have bipolar 1, I am 5 weeks on a GLP-1 and I'm definitely feeling effects to my mental health. Everyone says it's about "losing food/food noise as a coping mechanism" but I never had any food noise. I'm taking the GLP-1 for type 2 diabetes and weight gain that both happened because of my antipsychotic medication. (It's called antipsychotic metabolic syndrome.) The GLP-1 has been making me hypomanic. I'm in very close communication with my psychiatrist and managing my symptoms well (taking my PRN sleep med, making no unnecessary purchases, etc.) so no worries there.

But anyway this all to me means that it has FUCKING NOTHING to do with coping mechanisms. I think that is total and complete bullshit for some people especially those of us on psychiatric meds. I think it is very, very chemical. GLP-1s do all the gastric emptying stuff but they also act on areas of the brain to dampen dopamine signaling, or at least the one I'm taking does. That's why some people get relief from substance addictions on these medications and some people get anhedonic or depressed. I get hypomanic apparently. The antipsychotic I take is literally a dopamine stabilizer so I'm completely unsurprised that the GLP is having mental health effects on me. I will have to adjust my psych meds if this continues because I've been hospitalized four times for manic psychosis and I am not doing that shit again.

If anything like this is happening to anyone else I just want to deeply validate that it's not a personal failing that you are feeling this way, you probably don't need to "just cope better," and it's serious chemistry going on. Also wondering if anyone has advice to share if they had a similar situation and if any medication adjustments helped, obviously without naming which medication or what doses.

I’ve been a professional artist for 10+ years and a hobby artist since childhood. Diagnosed bipolar in Feb, now on 8 tablets a day and feel like I’ve lost all my talent and skill. That’s when I even find the motivation to create something and I’ll get bored midway and have to force myself through it or give up. I’m heartbroken, I feel like a huge part of my identities lost. Anyone been through similar? Is there anything that helps? Which type (mood stabiliser, antipsychotics) cause this?

TW: Mentions of psychosis

I've been diagnosed bipolar 1 for well over a decade, although my first hospitalization was initially diagnosed as cannabis-induced psychosis. For a long time I just kind of accepted the label, took my medications, and focused on staying stable.

I'm an engineer, which makes it a little funny that I spent years trying to manage my brain without getting particularly curious about how any of it actually works lol.

Lately I've been going down a neuroscience rabbit hole: dopamine, serotonin, glutamate, GABA, what different classes of psychiatric meds actually do, and how sleep, stress, and substances can throw things off. I've even been using mechanical analogies to make sense of it: acceleration, brakes, feedback loops, etc. Obviously it's a huge oversimplification, but it's helped me ask better questions.

Part of what sparked this was looking back at my episodes. A lot of them were terrifying and paranoid rather than euphoric. My first followed a dab, a ton of stress, and about three days without sleep. I've also had an episode with religious grandiosity. It's made me realize how much I still don't understand about experiences I've lived through.

Despite some pretty gnarly setbacks, I've managed to build a life I'm proud of. I joke that my brain's a jet engine. Pretty cool when it's running well, but maintenance is not optional lmao. I've spent years building systems and habits to help keep myself stable, and now I'm curious about the mechanisms behind all of it.

I'm working with my psychiatrist on finding a good balance between stability and quality of life. I'm not trying to outsmart treatment or figure out my personal neurotransmitter levels from a diagram. I just wish I'd gotten curious about the underlying science sooner.

Anyone else gotten really into this stuff? Did learning how your meds work or digging into the neuroscience actually change how you understand or manage bipolar? Or did it mostly give you a million more questions?

like i'll look at notes i took during a hypomanic day and the handwriting is so erratic and huge it's almost unrecognizable. then a few weeks later everything's tiny and cramped. it's such a small thing but it genuinely freaks me out because it feels like physical proof that my brain was doing something different. anyone else notice this or am i just being paranoid about my own penmanship?

Hello everyone! I am recently diagnosed within the past few weeks and am having a fairly hard time with accepting everything that is now part of my new life.

I recently had met my psychiatrist and she was very adamant about my diagnosis. I am new to this so I’m not even at a point where I am medicated (my psychiatrist went on vacation shorty after our appointment). I’m truly just having a hard time seeing the positives about my newfound diagnosis and it’s freaking me out a little. I’ve never been more terrified of myself because I know what I’m capable of. I don’t have many positive influences of mental disorders in my life so I believe maybe I have some stigma around being bipolar but my goal is to truly see that it doesn’t make me less of a human and that I am capable of still being supported even midst an episode. I’m also currently at an external rough patch with a lack of human interaction (no job, school).

I have fairly severe anxiety as well so my process of thinking has usually spiraled from nothing to panic attack to suicidal ideations and thinking I need to be hospitalized in that moment. I’m waiting for my psychiatrist to come back so we can try medications because I’m not doing well off with these thoughts and the series of them has become closer in recurrence. I’ve scared myself into the fear that I will never find someone who is willing to deal with me or know how to deal with me in moments I struggle to deal with myself. I’ve seen negative content around these fears that probably have fed my worries so I’m wondering how people are dealing with the grief of a life you thought you’d have and acceptance of your new life including how things got better after the thoughts.

If anyone has any positives they’ve learned about their diagnosis to get them through points of denial/negative thoughts surrounding initial diagnosis, I would highly appreciate it.

I used to drink a lot of coffee in the past and it used to make me sleepy (probably bc I'm Neurodivergent? I read that somewhere a while ago) but now my body can't tolerate caffeine anymore and it makes me feel anxious. There are times where it made me feel manic at the time where I'm supposed to sleep it made me sleep deprived. Has anyone ever experienced that?

At this point I have genuine concerns for my mental health and I’m truly at a loss for what to do.

I recently started a new job and am in one of probably the worst hypomanic episodes I’ve ever had. I am getting between 3-5 hours of sleep a night and that is broken sleep - waking up continuously.

This role is much more senior than previous roles and I am absolutely loving it. It’s a great career move for me.

I’m working long-ish hours because being new I’m slower and trying to keep on top of the big workload. I’m hiring two employees that will alleviate the load soon hopefully.

I can’t take my emergency/PRN medication because I can’t take it so late due to the sleepiness side effects, it knocks me out completely. I am getting home too late to take it, If I take it I risk not being able to wake up in time and being in a groggy state at work. I work in the office full time.

I know it won’t be like this always because being new i am having the stress and excitement and anxiety of my new job and it’s a big change which is clearly what has triggered this episode. I know the balance and routine will come with time

My hypomania and the lack of sleep that’s coming with it is so severe that I can’t even imagine how bad the depression crash is going to be and I have no idea how I’m going to navigate masking that level of depression at work.

I thought about booking an emergency appointment with my doctor but when will I even be able to do that when he operates 9-5? I could take the call in my office but what if people hear it?

And all he will do is prescribe me a different anti psychotic probably. How am I then meant to navigate having to deal with unknown and unpredictable side effects at this new job.

I deserve to have a good career and a high powered job and I’m so scared this will get in the way. Like I literally LOVE the job and it’s bringing me so much joy

My partner also shared he doesn’t feel connected to me when I’m hypomanic and that it’s annoying to him it’s also impacting us and that made me really sad

Does anyone have tips to help with seasonal depression? These last two winters have been the most traumatic months of my life. Last winter I couldn't move from my bed or go outside for months. The winter before that I was stuck in a perpetual state of dissociation and intense mood swings. I have a lot of sensory issues, so the cold makes everything unbearable for me. I have a sun lamp, but I try to use it sparingly since I have cyclothymia and worry that I'll trigger hypomania somehow with it.

My GP/PCP has requested that I can only collect my prescriptions weekly instead of monthly because I’m “at risk” and while I entirely understand this it actually makes the risk for non compliance higher for me

I can barely leave the house and having to leave once a week now to collect medication weekly is just a hinderance to me instead of going monthly

I can’t do this anymore

I'm a huge fan of a finance podcast and finally joined the discord. Of course the chat was blowing up about a bipolar person making a poor financial move. There was one person that basically said he shouldn't control any of his own finances.

I get it. There are times that I made my own safeguards to protect my assets, but the idea that bipolar people are never okay really pissed me off.

I was kinda hoping to get some advice on how to structure my finances in case something ever happens again. Fuck that. I feel like I'd be attacked.

I was so excited and now I'm just pissed off and feel like I'm written off from society in a way I haven't felt in a while.

I don't think I'm being normal about my crush and I fear it is a symptom of hypomania. I always get weird about a guy every so often and it's happened again. Always, always it's a guy I can't have.

We work together but there's rules against dating your coworkers where we work. I just don't know what to do with having strong feelings for someone I barely know. I feel drawn to him and happier when he's around. It's a crush I know but I'm afraid that it might mean I'm going into hypomania.

My one manic episode started because I became obsessed with one of my teachers in college. Nothing happened between us of course but I said and believed crazy shit like I was going to marry him one day.

I just wish I were normal and that having a crush wasn't a potential sign of my illness. I've mostly avoided dating because it seems like something is deeply wrong with me whenever I like someone. It's like I'm not allowed to feel like this. It's never a cute little crush, it's a sign and a reminder of my mental illness. I can't just enjoy these feelings I have especially if it means I'm going hypomanic.