r/WritersGroup • • Aug 06 '21

A suggestion to authors asking for help.

519 Upvotes

A lot of authors ask for help in this group. Whether it's for their first chapter, their story idea, or their blurb. Which is what this group is for. And I love it! And I love helping other authors.

I am a writer, and I make my living off writing thrillers. I help other authors set up their author platforms and I help with content editing and structuring of their story. And I love doing it.

I pay it forward by helping others. I don't charge money, ever.

But for those of you who ask for help, and then argue with whoever offered honest feedback or suggestions, you will find that your writing career will not go very far.

There are others in this industry who can help you. But if you are not willing to receive or listen or even be thankful for the feedback, people will stop helping you.

There will always be an opportunity for you to learn from someone else. You don't know everything.

If you ask for help, and you don't like the answer, say thank you and let it sit a while. The reason you don't like the answer is more than likely because you know it's the right answer. But your pride is getting in the way.

Lose the pride.

I still have people critique my work and I have to make corrections. I still ask for help because my blurb might be giving me problems. I'm still learning.

I don't know everything. No one does.

But if you ask for help, don't be a twatwaffle and argue with those that offer honest feedback and suggestions.


r/WritersGroup • • 3h ago

First person story- Feedback please :)

1 Upvotes

I dabble in writing and this is my first attempt at first person narrative. Would appreciate any feedback, as I'm looking to keep growing as a writer. It's still a work in progress, but am at a point where I'm looking for notes. Thanks!

--

10/21/26

I’m pretty sure I got married on this day 9 years ago. The dates are fuzzy now, but I remember it was on the 10th anniversary of us dating. “How kismet?” I remember saying to my fiance, straightening the mask on my face, not listening to the crumbling pit in my stomach as it caved in even more when the sweet wedding coordinator beamed at us as she marked us down for the date. “Fantastic, all we’ll need is the $10,000 deposit and we’re all set.”

I looked at him and the mask smiled. I covered the pit with balled up bunches of chiffon, velvet ribbon and dried flower petals. I’m doing this all for him, and he knew it. I had made it clear that I did not care about a wedding or getting married but if it made him happy for this to happen, then I would do it. We had 10 years together and he said the wedding wouldn’t change anything, it was just what was supposed to happen next.

But then I remember how I sobbed when he proposed to me. How I repeated “why are you doing this?” one time too many. How somehow my hand made contact with his face as he came to hug me. My whole body and mind rejected this idea but there was nothing objectively wrong with our relationship, so why couldn’t I just be happy and say yes? He didn’t hit me, he was for the most part respectful, even if he was high most days and I often had to remind him to brush his teeth or take a shower after a long day. Or I had to clean up from his nights in what I could only imagine was a stoner filled party of 3, if you included the x-box and his friend who lived in the next state over. 

Something had changed already and I couldn’t stop it but I could readjust the mask.

As the day got closer, I pulled away. I dyed my hair pink. I lost 30 pounds. “Oh you look incredible!” people would say as they smiled. My mask only let me see so much, so I would just smile and thank them, completely unaware of what I was looking like or why. My skin was crawling and I just wanted to live in the moment for once in my life. Who cares if most of my calories were from wine? I looked great apparently, so the mask is still working, you fool! Who was the fool again? I wondered, was it me or was it them? I was starting to not remember who the mask was for anymore. The shape of it was beginning to shift, or was it me underneath it who was changing? Is this that self eating snake people talk about sometimes? Or something more like ‘what came first, the chicken or the egg?’ 

“Maybe it’s both,” I wondered out loud. Surprised by my own voice, I looked around to see who could hear me. No one was there but her. She looked up from her drawing, a questioning brow raised as if asking what I just said. I just looked at her and smiled, “Oh nothing.” If I was eating myself alive, I didn’t care anymore, I just wanted to come out the other side and be able to see her face. It’s so colorful and vibrant and full of life. Soft pinks and dusty purples with sharp dark blues and puffs of white and silver. It’s reflective off of everything and unlike anything I had seen before. Is this what life looks like for everyone? It’s like when I learned birds have thousands of more cones in their eyes than humans, and what looks black to us is actually a blast of colors in all different hues and intensities and sparkle. I hope I never have to give this up, I thought, as the mask started to pinch at my cheeks, hurting a little more each day.

The Meltdown™ came less than a month before the wedding. I was naked in the kitchen, only having stepped in to grab a glass of wine before hopping in the shower, but instead my eyes scanned the room and saw the sink filled with dirty dishes, the counters splattered with what I thought was tomato sauce and littered with candy wrappers. I turned to look into the living room and saw my 27 year old fiance playing video games in his pajamas even though it was 6pm on Tuesday. “I can’t do this,” I whispered. “I don’t think I can do this,” I said louder. “I can’t fucking do this,” I started to panic. He took notice as I started to get a little hysterical. The anxiety grabbed hold of me and the tears couldn’t stop as the mask tumbled off. He paused his game, and tied his bathrobe that he was still wearing from this morning. 

I remember bits and pieces of the conversation, I remember seeing her face pop up into my mind for a split second but shaking her away, not knowing what she was doing there. I am doing this for me, and it has nothing to do with you, I remember thinking. I was wrong, well at least half wrong. She wasn’t the whole reason but she was the reason the mask was cutting off my circulation and why I could now see color when before it was just gray and taupe. Why I could start to see the wrongness between me and him more clearly. 

I always had suspicions, but I never let myself look too closely for fear it would be true. Then what would I do? Why was being myself the scariest option? Why did I hate myself so much? This monster loomed over everything and forced me to wear a mask around it, as if I was trying to convince it I wasn’t me. 

I decided the wedding was still on as this was just a little bout of cold feet. I was the girl who would marry her college sweetheart. How quaint and romantic is that? Would a girl who was having a nervous breakdown do that? I slipped the mask back on and skirted around the monster, who was watching the meltdown from the corner of the room, and into the scalding shower to burn my skin as if that could help melt away what I was feeling on the inside.

On the day of my wedding, I muted everything down like a knob on the TV. No color, no feelings, no emotion. I was afraid if I felt anything, even the slightest tinge of happiness from a glass of champagne, that it would snowball out of control to hysteria. This wasn’t right. People assumed I was on vallium, not seeing any difference between forced indifference and true serenity. I had painted the mask perfectly, the makeup looked just right, the dress was breezy. The hair styled just so. A small smile plastered on, the picture perfect bride who could feel nothing. I didn’t even feel anything when I noticed she didn’t show up to witness the night. The monster seemed to be abated, but maybe it was sulking.

I got married with the sun in my eyes so strong I couldn’t see the person in front of me. I laughed at the altar, people assumed out of giddiness, but how could they know I’d be crying otherwise. After I repeated the vows from the officiant, it was done. I walked back up the aisle and was ushered to a private room with my new husband. There was food on a table, but who could eat at a time like this? The mask smiled at him but didn’t say anything. My family came into the room to celebrate and joked that they thought I was going to be a runaway bride. I laughed, but didn’t realize that it could have been a real option. 

At some point in this relationship I was happy. Would the mask be on forever? I only thought I would use it until I got back to that point, but what if I never went back to how it was? 

The night went on as you would expect. Food was served that people would judge. People gave advice on how to have a successful marriage. Too much alcohol was consumed. The mask was uncomfortable and chaffed but the champagne helped. I tried not to look at it, but the monster looked sad as it shuffled from side to side on the edge of the dancefloor. 

The night ended with my new husband fucking me from behind. He was wasted and I felt obligated. When he passed out in the bed, the mask came off with a thud and I cried in the bathroom. Looking at my face in the mirror, lines etched in it from where the mask was held taut, mascara streaked down my cheeks and my lips were smeared. I looked like shit, but it was the first time I actually saw my real face. This whole time I thought the mask was warping over time, but it was really me that was changing. Everything about me looked different. I looked down at my phone and noticed she had texted me. Saying sorry she couldn’t come to the wedding. She didn’t know if she could be my friend anymore but she wished me the best and hoped I had fun tonight. My insides gave out, and I puked in the toilet. The monster stepped out from the shadows and patted my back until I stopped crying, keeping the door shut with its big back so no one could find us together.

I couldn’t do this anymore.


r/WritersGroup • • 6h ago

Fiction That’s Entertainment - Chapter 6 Slow Down Would you have got in the car ?

1 Upvotes

6. Slow Down

Night Boat to Cairo blasts from the speakers at the Crest, and Jammy watches in panic as the Manor boys burst out through the fire exit doors. He cringes. This is it. He closes his eyes and waits for the pain to follow.

Nothing.

He opens one eye just in time to see Pete Fur crash through the packed dance floor, followed by the rest of the Crow Bars, pushing bodies out of the way like skittles before disappearing through the same fire doors.

Jammy stands there, not quite sure what to do. Perhaps he should make his exit. They might come back. Good idea, James, he tells himself.

He slips out through the main doors and into the night, looks both ways like he's about to cross the road, then heads the fifty yards or so down to the bus stop. The street's gone quiet behind him, the music from the Crest fading to a dull thump through brick, like something happening in another building entirely.

Young Bob is already there — easy to miss, if anything, same year as Jammy but a different animal entirely, no crew, no colours, still one of the ones from the school hall who never picked a side. The girl standing next to him is impossible to miss. Tall, blonde, properly beautiful — the kind that makes Jammy forget Young Bob's even there.

"Young Bob."

"Jammy."

They nod.

The girl looks at him. "Jammy? That's an unusual name."

Jammy perks up. "Yeah, it is."

"Sounds kinda cool. What's it mean?"

"It's short for James," Young Bob says.

Jammy slowly turns and scowls at him. "My friends call me Jammy. It's my street name." Hopefully that sounded fairly hard, he thinks, giving the word "street" a bit extra, for Young Bob's benefit. "What's your name?" he asks the girl.

"Fiadha."

"Fear?"

"Fee-a."

"Right." Jammy nods as if that makes perfect sense. "Hey, we've both got cool names."

Fiadha smiles, tucking a loose strand of hair back off her face like it's been trying to escape all night. Young Bob rolls his eyes.

"I'm cold," Fiadha says, rubbing her arms — the battered leather jacket doing nothing against a dress that looks like it was meant for somewhere smarter than a bus stop.

Jammy thinks about offering her his coat. Could be smooth. Could be weird. Better not.

She glances off down the road, distracted, like she's only half listening to her own sentence before she's even finished it. "I'm going to drive home," she says.

Jammy and Young Bob look at each other. Jammy says what they're both thinking. "You've got a car?"

"Yeah."

"So why are you waiting at the bus stop?"

Fiadha laughs. "Sometimes I forget I can drive."

Young Bob stares at her. "Okay."

"Want a lift?"

No hesitation. "Yeah," says Jammy. "Where's your car?"

"Just up here."

Fiadha starts walking. Jammy follows her. Young Bob follows Jammy. Jammy looks back at him as if to say, What are you doing? Young Bob shrugs as if to say, No idea, but it's better than the bus.

They walk a little further.

"Where is it?" Jammy asks.

"Erm..." Fiadha looks around. "Oh. There it is."

An old beige Austin Allegro sits at the kerb.

Jammy looks at it. "Nice."

"Thanks, James."

"Jammy."

"Sorry. Jammy."

"Right then. Let's get in."

Fiadha pats her pockets. "Oh no."

"What?"

"I think I've lost my keys."

"Nightmare."

"I'm always doing that."

Young Bob points back towards the Crest. "Are they back at the club? Should we go and check?"

Jammy remembers Pete Fur. The Crow Bars. And the way they'd just charged through the dance floor.

"No. That's a bad idea."

"Yeah," says Fiadha. "It's freezing. I'll pick them up later."

She reaches into her bag and pulls out a screwdriver. Jammy flinches backwards. Fiadha giggles.

"It's okay. I'm always forgetting my keys, so I carry this just in case."

Jammy looks at Young Bob. Young Bob looks at Jammy.

Fiadha bends down and expertly pokes the screwdriver into the car door. "Little trick my brothers taught me."

The lock pops.

Jammy's already hooked. Tall. Blonde. Older. Drives. What's not to like?

This is highly suspicious, some quieter part of him tries to say. A screwdriver in the door lock isn't exactly how beautiful women usually get into their cars.

He ignores it. Look at her. Wow.

She forgot her keys and just broke into a car — correction, her car, possibly. That's absolutely normal. All beautiful blondes do that. Everyone knows this.

Jammy's just done to himself what he does to everyone else. He's sold himself a line.

"Jump in," says Fiadha.

They pile into the Allegro. Young Bob settles into the back.

"So how do you start it?"

Fiadha smiles. "Oh, that's easy."

"Easy, Young Bob," Jammy says confidently.

Fiadha sticks the screwdriver under the steering column and starts pulling at it. Jammy's smile fades slightly.

"Just a second."

She fiddles with something underneath, sparks flickering faintly in the dark footwell. The engine coughs. Splutters. Then bursts into life.

Jammy turns to Young Bob, with a nervous laugh. "Easy."

Fiadha grips the steering wheel. "Okay, gentlemen. Where do we want to go?"

"We live on the Manor," says Young Bob.

Jammy elbows him. Then, in his best James Bond on-the-pull voice, he leans towards Fiadha. "Well... the night's young. Let's go for a drive."

Fiadha smiles. "Okay. Let's go for a drive."

Jammy can't believe his luck. His face breaks into a huge grin.

Young Bob leans forward. "You sure?"

Jammy looks at him. "Why are you still here, Young Bob?"

Young Bob shrugs. "Okay. I'm in for a ride."

"We can drop Young Bob off," says Jammy, looking at Fiadha, "then I'll take you for a spin." He pauses. "In the car. Not you. You know. I wasn't being weird."

Fiadha giggles. Young Bob rolls his eyes again.

The Allegro tears away from the kerb. At top speed. Fiadha drives like Stirling Moss on speed. Jammy and Young Bob cling on for dear life as the car bounces and bucks along the road.

"Let's have some music," Fiadha says.

"Good idea," says Jammy, gripping the door handle.

The boys slide across the seats as the Allegro hits another bump.

"Now, where's that radio?"

Young Bob leans forward. "You've lost the radio?"

Fiadha takes her eyes off the road and starts feeling around the dashboard. The Allegro drifts across the centre line.

Jammy's eyes widen. "Oh, Jesus."

Fiadha jerks the wheel back. "Oops."

Jammy looks into the back. "What's happening, Young Bob? Have I died?"

Young Bob doesn't answer. He's got his eyes tightly shut. Hopefully this will save him.

"Here we are!" says Fiadha.

House of Fun blasts from the speakers.

Jammy nods. "Great song. But I think I'm ready to—"

The Allegro screeches around a roundabout. Jammy is thrown against the passenger door.

"Oh God!"

Fiadha laughs. "This is fun, James!"

"My friends call me Jaaaaammyyy!"

They fly around the roundabout for a second time.

"You're cute, Jammy."

"I know. But maybe we should slow down a little."

"We can't now."

Jammy looks at her. "Why's that?"

Fiadha glances in the mirror. "Cops."

Jammy turns. Blue lights.

"Oh, shit."

"Don't worry. I can lose them."

"Lose them?"

Jammy grips the dashboard. "Please, God. Let me live."

Fiadha laughs. "Jammy, you're a joker."

Jammy looks into the back. "Bob, are you dead?"

Young Bob opens one eye. "I think so."

The police car gives chase. Fiadha floors it. The Allegro shoots off the roundabout and towards the estate, streetlights strobing across the windscreen, the tower blocks rising up ahead like they're the only fixed thing left in a world that's stopped holding still, bouncing over the road with the police car behind them.

Jammy is thrown from side to side. "Slow down!"

Fiadha laughs. Then suddenly she swings onto the estate and slams on the brakes.

"Out!"

All three pile out. The night air hits cold after the fug of the car, and for a second nobody moves. The sound of the police car is getting closer.

"This way!" shouts Fiadha.

Young Bob is already sprinting in the opposite direction, gone before anyone thinks to call after him.

Jammy and Fiadha look at each other. His face says, what happened? Hers says nothing back but oops.

"Well, Fiadha, you are one fit bird..."

She smiles.

"...but you're crazy as bat shit."

Jammy turns and races off after Young Bob.

Slow Down by The Jam pumps out of the Allegro's open doors as the blue lights close in.


r/WritersGroup • • 12h ago

Fiction Starting a novel and I have a cool concept. How’s my first chapter?

2 Upvotes

“It’s always the same. I die.”
I’m sitting on a plaid couch with the six o’clock sun pouring through the slats of my window blinds. My plants drink up the light from the corner of the room, and a beam of yellow sunshine cuts across the space above me as dust particles float in and out of its radiance. I’m staring at my shitty old laptop while a therapist tries to tell me I’m fixable. Go Zocdoc.
“Okay… and how do you respond to this? To your death?”
She’s not much older than me, but I’ve been conditioned to believe that she contains substantially more wisdom. She’s got curly brown hair and brown-rimmed glasses, and she speaks with a hypnotic cadence.
“How do I respond in the dream, or how do I respond when I… never mind. In the dream, I die, and in reality, I wake up. I’m… panicked, I guess? I wake up on edge, and it takes me a second to get ahold of myself. I’m getting used to it. It’s just another death dream, so I go back to sleep. I guess I won’t really process it until later.”
I fiddle with the fork-shaped scar on my shoulder, an anxious habit that reminds me of the genius I was when I was younger. I answer her questions as best I can because I really do want to find out what the fuck is wrong with me.
“When I’m going about my day, I’ll feel dread, and I’m like, is this dread from the death dreams, or is the dread causing my dreams?”
“Right, right. Well, I’d like to end the session here, and we can continue this when we next meet.”
Just like that, my uninsured, out-of-pocket therapeutic experience is over. It’s not a great feeling, and I don’t blame my therapist, but I do feel a sense of catharsis after explaining my fucked-up dreams to someone who is literally getting paid to listen. She and I are just cogs in the machine, man.
“Alright, I’ll see ya next week.”
I close the laptop and stand up with a stretching groan. It’s actually more of a scream. Okay, it is a scream. I yell for my neighbors, and they love me for it, as I take a step through my glass sliding door and onto the balcony.
I thought getting this last dream off my chest would help. Still, visions of an overgrown hiking trail flash before my mind’s eye. The earth resonates with a hollow thumping as a large stone smashes against my skull. Thump, thump, thump, thump. A cracking, breaking sound mingles with the squelching.
The floor bows under my weight, all six-foot-one, 260 pounds of me. I’m not in the best shape, but I’m not in the worst shape either. The balcony is cheaply made, with untreated lumber and raw, carpeted plywood. My grandpa builds homes, so I know a thing or two. I take a couple of springy steps to the edge and light a cigarette because I’ve earned it.
The sun is setting, and the breeze is getting colder. I take a deep drag, and as I exhale, I watch the smoke dissipate. Down below, I can see my neighbor, the weird one. They’re standing inside their glass double doors with their back to me. They just stand there, unmoving, tall, and pale and thin. They wear a gray long-sleeve shirt and loose blue sweatpants.
There was this time I locked myself out of my apartment.
I’d gone out, had a few beers, and lost my keys. I tend to space out a lot. Maybe I should get an internet doctor to give me Adderall. It was a beautiful, cloudless night, so I took a stroll through the yards surrounding the buildings.
My journey came to an abrupt end when I smelled dog shit and saw the source stuck to the bottom of my sole. My foot scraped easily along the bottom step of the abandoned apartment in front of me. I shuffled through the dirt like a bad moonwalk, trying to get the rest of the stink off.
In front of me were two twin windows that matched the layout of my own apartment. The windows had trashed blinds, and I leaned forward to take a peek inside. The room was a mirror of my current bedroom. A closet hugged the right side, a shitty ceiling fan slowly spun in the middle, and in the doorway stood a tall, skinny dude with his back to me.
“Jesus fuck!”
My phone rang. It was the apartment manager, and I fumbled around with it while my One Piece ringtone blasted into the thin night air. I ducked around the corner to take the call.
“Yah, sorry, I’ll be there in just a sec.”
I didn’t want to check if Jack Skellington was still there, but I had to pass by the windows on my way back. With a quickened pace, I whizzed on by but couldn’t resist a quick glance inside.
Nothing.
Thank God. I won’t have any awk—
I turned into the breezeway and almost kissed the very pale man I’d just been peeping on.
“Oh, shi—”
“Hi,” the pale man said as a totally normal, welcoming smile spread across his face. “Uh, I’m Sebul.”
“Hey, man, I’m Sam.”
I wasn’t sure if I should start explaining myself immediately. Maybe he hadn’t seen me.
“Do you spy on all of your neighbors?”
Okay, he’d seen me, but he was laughing as he accused me. There was a lighthearted energy that made me think no police would be involved tonight.
“It wasn’t like that! I locked myself out and was taking a walk, and I thought that apartment was empty! I got curious.”
I didn’t think mentioning the freshly smeared dog shit would be productive.
“Oh, yah, I moved in on Sunday. I haven’t had time to set the place up.”
He seemed kind of embarrassed. I should be embarrassed.
“Cool ringtone.”
I chuckled. “Thanks. It’s the only ringtone I’ve ever bought, but it’s the best two dollars I’ve ever spent. You a big One Piece fan?”
“Kind of. There’s just too many episodes, and sometimes it doesn’t feel warranted.”
“Yah, that’s true.” It is true.
Sebul started extending his hand for a handshake.
“So, no more weird shit?”
“No more weird shit. Nice meeting you.”
I clasped his hand. The electric buzz of the vapor lights above us hummed in my ears, punctuated by occasional pops. Blood seemed to rush into my ears. My heart pounded deep in my chest, and a feeling of anxiety washed over me. I felt like my next breath wouldn’t come. I felt small and weak, my mind primally signaling me to fucking run.
Sebul gave me the same warm smile, but this time it felt wicked. This time, I could tell the smile was practiced, like that of a chef who sharpens his knives to cut through a tomato without any resistance.
He had a firm handshake that demanded I respond with the same grip. His voice was relaxed, like he had just woken up and his vocal chords weren’t inflamed yet.
“You too.”
He let go and turned to walk back to his apartment. As he did, he cocked his arm out and up at a ninety-degree angle and brandished a wave without turning to look at me. It felt unnatural.
“See you around, Sam.”
“Uh.”
That was all I meagerly offered in response.
I fingered the scar on my shoulder  and tried to balance this irrational fear with a new feeling. I had this crushing desire to run up to this man and end his life. Never have I felt that my self preservation depended on another person’s annihilation. 
I serve people court summons for a living, and I’d always considered myself to have incredible intuition. It’s important to know if the guy you’re telling, “She’s divorcing you and taking the kids,” is literally going to shoot the messenger. Being right about people off rip was something I did. I wasn’t flawless, of course. Sometimes I’d peg someone as a don’t-give-a-shitter, and they’d actually be a hitter.
I didn’t think twice about the feelings I had toward Sebul. I collected my miraculously sobered self and made a very fast walk home.
The memory breaks apart when I hear that stone hit my head again.
Thump.
I blink, and I’m back on my porch.
The cigarette has burned almost to the filter between my fingers. Smoke curls past my face, but the air smells like wet dirt. Rot. Something sweet underneath it.
Across the courtyard, my neighbor is still standing behind the glass doors.
Only now, they’re facing me.
I freeze.
The thumping continues somewhere beyond the buildings.
Thump. Thump. Thump. The horrible sound of skin tearing and massive oaks splintering. 
I lean over the railing.
The courtyard below is empty.
Then the balcony shifts beneath me.
The plywood gives a soft, splintering groan.
I step back, but my heel catches on the warped edge of the torn carpet. My arms fly out. The cigarette drops through the railing, its ember spiraling toward the ground. 
For half a second I’m weightless.
Then the railing catches my face, and rusty nails pull away from rotting wood. 
My breath leaves in a wet grunt, and my hands claw at the top rail as my body topples over edge. 
Across the courtyard, my neighbor raises one hand.
Not a wave.
A ninety-degree angle. Elbow bent. Palm open.
The railing tears loose.
I fall.
The ground rushes up, gray and hard and impossibly close. 
Then my skull hits the concrete.
The world folds inward.
I scream as the cigarette embers burn the gap where my two fingers meet. Jesus fucking Christ now it’s happening when I’m awake? I take a shaky breath as the anxiety seeps into me like a sudden rain. The body remembers, and I instinctively rub my shoulder. My fingers go under my sleeve and run over that habitual spot, only to be met by perfectly smooth skin. 


r/WritersGroup • • 13h ago

Fiction Letters to the House Above ( CRITIQUES NEEDED!!!!)

2 Upvotes

I. April 11

On the back of a ration slip, in pencil

I found a pencil this afternoon, wedged beneath the heel of the loaf as though it had fallen into the tin by mischance, and beneath the pencil a ration slip, folded small, blank upon its back. I have decided that it was no mischance. If I am mistaken, I beg you will not correct me. I should like to be mistaken in this direction for a while; I have been mistaken in the other so long that I have worn a groove in it.

Forgive a creature who has never had occasion to open a letter, and who must therefore begin with the whole of his existence at once.

I am. That first, since nobody has confirmed it. I am, and I am in a cellar, dry along the east wall and damp along the west, and I have arranged myself upon the dry side like a man on a wreck who has been told there is a drier part. The light is given to me from six until eight, along with the rest of the street, which calls it the Allotment; so that I have two hours of the day by which to see and twenty-two by which to listen, and in the twenty-two I have become a scholar of this house. I know that from the kitchen to the front door you take eleven steps, and that the fourth complains. I know that you fill the kettle halfway, repent, and fill it to the brim. I know the mornings you do not come into the kitchen at all, and on those mornings I hold myself so still that the floor itself seems to listen for me.

At seven the Reading comes down the pipe behind the coal chute, as you know far better than I: a woman’s voice, level as a laid table, calling out the names of the children licensed that day, and after each name the same two words, delivered as one stamps a document. Welcome. Continue. Beneath her voice lies the hush of the whole street, every household waiting to be told whether its name has come, and I feel it as a pressure on the ears, as the sea must be felt at depth. Last Sunday there were forty-one names. I gave each one my entire attention, for somewhere a kitchen was waiting upon it, and I was perhaps the single soul in the district to whom the Reading was not an anxiety but a banquet.

What I have of speech I took from that pipe and from the boxes that were here before me. One box holds a book of letters, in which a young man writes to a friend of the month of May: the meadows, a well where the village girls draw water, a river he longs to put his hand in. He is so glad of everything that I envied him as one envies a mountain. It was he who showed me the whole device: a person sits down, addresses another who is not present, and says what he has seen. I have no meadow. I have a bulb, a drain, and Tuesday.

On Tuesday a moth came in by the coal chute and flung itself at the bulb for the length of the Allotment, with the terrible conviction of a thing that has been told the light is the whole of the world and has not yet been told it is a bulb. It struck the glass two hundred times by my count, and then I ceased to count, because it seemed a private matter. When the light failed it fell upon my knee. I would have given the cellar and every ration in your keeping to cry out; I made no sound; I had not known that a body could be so entirely given over to keeping still. I held it until the cold had taken the last of the evening from the room, and then it was gone, and I sat a long while with my hand open above the place, like a man keeping someone’s place in a queue. I have never been so glad of anything. I should like that written down somewhere that is not me.

I ask for no reply. The pencil is already more than I had hoped, and I should not know how to hold an answer. If you will but go on sending the tin, I shall call that a voice.

I have no name to sign, and so I leave the space, as one leaves a chair for a guest who may yet arrive.

II. April 30

On the Registry’s own form, which came folded round the cheese

Nothing has returned but bread, and yet I am not cast down, for bread is a sentence and I have always been able to read it.

On Thursday the tin brought something new, folded round the cheese for packing, and I have it before me now, weighted at its corners by four of Pflug’s volumes. (His name is stencilled on every box in this place, and I have chosen to regard him as the landlord of the dark.) The paper is a form. Registry of Continuance: Certification of Newborn at Forty Days. It is the first time anyone has put a question to me, even by accident, and I have resolved to answer every line.

I have pieced out what it is for from the Reading. A woman is licensed for one child. At forty days the child is carried to the Registry, weighed and looked over, and found Continuing or not; the Continuing are read out that evening and sent home with a stamp, and the others are Discontinued, a word the woman says only on Fridays, in a different voice, without names. No second licence is granted while the first child is unaccounted for. I do not think you ever presented me. I think you carried me down here instead, and so spent your one licence on a creature the Reading will never read.

Name. For six evenings I listened to the Reading for a name I could bear to have. Some were beautiful. Mattis. Orla. Benedikta Joy, which I took to be two names a pair of parents could not choose between and did not have to. But each already belonged to a child asleep in a room with a window, and I found I could not wear what was still in use. So I opened Pflug’s dictionary at random, which is how I would choose anything if I were permitted, and it fell open at the F’s. Falter: to lose strength or purpose; to move unsteadily; to speak with breaks in the voice. A fair account of me. Then, being thorough, I consulted the moth book, whose plates are labelled in another tongue, and under the brown ones with feathered feelers, those that fly by night, I found the same word; for Pflug had begun a glossary in pencil at the back and given up at G, and beneath F he had written, Falter: the night one. I would not take either meaning without the other. I set it down in capitals that ran outside the box, since my hands are not made for forms: FALTER. Tonight I spoke it up the pipe, in the half-minute after the woman had finished and before the light went, when the whole street holds its hush. It will have sounded like a draught.

Date of birth. Unrecorded. I reckon it from the first thing I knew, which was a cold floor smelling of lime, and the sight of a woman’s back, leaving.

Place of birth. Beneath a kitchen.

Sex. Male, by the evidence. No other opinion has been offered.

Weight at forty days. The form supposes that I was weighed. I was not. I have since tried to estimate myself by the loaf, and the loaf is evasive.

Height. Six feet eleven by the scratches on the east wall, to which a stoop must be added, the beam having made certain corrections.

Distinguishing marks (use reverse if necessary). There is a brass door on the lift, and when the bulb is on and I stand with my back to the wall, it gives me a person of a sort. The head is not large; I had imagined it larger. It is the length of everything else that astonishes. The neck continues after one expects it to stop, and the shoulders, when at last they arrive, are narrow and hung at two different heights, as though I had been placed on a nail and the nail had slipped. The skin of my hands and throat never took its colour; beneath it the tendons travel like small animals beneath a sheet, and when I swallow one may watch the water go down. The rest of me is grey and faintly pearled, with seams where the parts disagreed with one another, which run white in the cold months. Hair along the spine, and nowhere else. A sixth finger on each hand, low on the outer edge, which is why my writing is large and why the pencil is sometimes lost in it. And a face, which I reserve.

Parent or guardian. The line is not long enough for what I would put there. I put: you.

Signature of parent. I have left it free.

Declaration. I declare the foregoing true, so far as a man may be certain of a thing he has only ever seen in brass.

Falter

III. June 2

Written the night after, with the pencil worn to the length of my smallest finger

You came down.

I set that sentence by itself because it deserves to stand alone, and because I do not trust myself with the ones that follow.

I heard the crank first, the thin whine of the torch rising and falling upon the stairs, which for two flights I took for the pipe in distress. Then the door at the top opened in the middle of the dark, the hour when nothing happens to anyone, and your feet came down the first step and the second and the third. There they stopped, and I understood afterward that they had stopped as at a frontier. You sat. You pointed the torch at the floor between us, so that the only things it lit were the concrete and my feet, and for the whole of your visit you looked at my feet, and I understood that too. They are the one part of me that resembles a person’s. They were being entrusted with my entire case.

You were weeping, or had wept earlier and carried it down with you like a full pail. You said, “Oh.” You said, “Look at you. You’re smiling.”

I was not aware of it. Let me be exact, because everything afterward turns upon it. I had not known that my face was doing anything at all.

You talked for most of an hour, and I did not interrupt, since I did not know how, and for the better reason that no one had ever spoken to me with a body in the room. You spoke of a child; not I. She would have been left-handed, you were nearly sure. She would have flung herself along a corridor with her coat on wrong and one arm already out toward the next thing, and you would have died of shame at the school gate when she announced something loud about your hair. “I would have liked to be embarrassed,” you said, and laughed, and the laugh continued past the place where laughter ends. Then, to the torch, in another voice: “I would have liked one thing about it to be ordinary.”

I had a sentence. I had kept it all my life against such an evening, a good sentence, with warmth in it and a little ceremony. I spoke it. I said: “Good evening.”

You know what the voice does. I did not, until then. It comes out as two, a high and a low, with a gap between them that a third voice seems forever about to fill and never fills, so that each word sounds like a pair of people attempting to say it in agreement. The torch leapt in your hand; the circle of light fled my feet and ran up the wall and back. “Please don’t,” you said. “Please. Just stay as you are.”

So I stayed as I was. You wept a little longer, more quietly, with a hand over the lower half of your face, and by the end you were calmer than I have ever heard you through the floor. You stood. You said, “That’s better. That’s all I needed.” And you went up, and across the kitchen the fourth step complained, and I heard the front door.

All the next day I did not eat. When the Allotment came I did what I had avoided since April: I stood before the brass and thought of something sad. I chose the sound of that fourth step after the door has shut. And I watched the mouth lift at both corners and stay lifted, and the eyes narrow to the width of a pencil line, and the whole assembly arrange itself into the expression of a man being told a joke by someone he is fond of. That was what you saw. That was the face you looked at, I suppose, as long as you could bear it, in the moments when you were not looking at my feet.

Then, because I try to be fair to a thing, I thought of the moth.

The face wept. I do not mean that it looked mournful. It came apart. The brow dropped upon the eyes, the mouth was hauled down and open, and the cheeks ran, which they had not done before. I stood there and kept it going for a long time, the way one presses a bruise.

You, who came down in need of comfort, were warmed at the one fire in the house that burns backward. I was sad, listening to you, and that is why it looked as it did. Had I been glad, you would have had a different evening, and I think a worse.

I shall not speak to you again. I shall keep my voice where it lives, and I shall smile, since that appears to be the one coin I have.

Falter

IV. September 14

In the margins of Pflug’s books, copied fair by the Allotment

I have finished the last of Pflug’s books, the three that are neither dictionary nor moths, and I have come out of them another animal, as the cellar has long suspected. You will find this letter cooler than the others. You will forgive it; or you do not read them, which comes to the same.

The young man of the letters wants a girl for the length of a book and leaves the story by his own door. I grieved for him twice, and found afterward in the brass that I had been grinning, and I put him back in his box as one folds a map of somewhere one will not go. The second book was a play, in which a scholar says that two souls dwell in his breast, each straining to tear itself from the other. I read it aloud to the wall in my own two voices, which I had not used upon a living ear since June, and for the first time they sounded like the proper instrument for something.

The third, a tan thing that has tried to curl, is by a man who hated noise so much that he wrote against the cracking of whips, and I love him. He says that the world is a thing that wishes, that every wish is built of lack, and that a life swings between pain and the dull minutes after. I had been calling that second state the far end of the Allotment. Now it has a name, and a name is a kind of company. He tells also of porcupines in winter, who crowd for warmth, prick one another, and part, until they find a distance they can bear. I considered it for an evening. Then I considered the third stair.

I have grown. In April I could lie at full length along the dry wall; now my feet lie in the damp and my head in the angle of the beam, and I sleep folded, like a letter. I believe the cellar was cut for another animal.

I have begun to look out. At the top of the coal chute there is a grating the size of a slice of bread, and from a certain place on the coal heap, lying on my side with my knees drawn up, I can put one eye to it and see the street at the height of a person’s knee. The light that comes through is not the bulb’s. It has distances in it. The first time I met it I wept so thoroughly that I feared the face would give me away to the pavement. I know the street by its ankles now; I could pick any of them out of a line. There is a woman in green boots who walks as though her feet were reading a long sentence. There is a man whose left sock is always lower than the right, who stops at the same flagstone each morning to ease his heel, and sighs, and goes on; I would swear to the sigh. In rain the whole street goes to staccato, and the puddles take the ankles and hang them upside down, so that for the length of a shower the street has a twin dangling from it by the heels.

A small dog with a grey muzzle stops at the grating every morning at a quarter past eight and puts its nose to the bars. For as long as its owner’s patience lasts, which is eleven seconds (I have timed it), we breathe each other. It smells, I suppose, coal, damp, a creature not washed in the ordinary way. It has never once drawn back. I do not know what to make of that, and I have made a great deal of it.

In July a child went by in red shoes, running, and a woman’s hand came down out of the sky and caught her by the hood; and that night at seven I listened among the names for one that would fit a child who ran like that. There were thirty. I could not choose. I do not know what I would do with an hour on that street. I think I would stand in it. I think I would stand there and let it be seen that something like me could.

The tin comes at the usual hours. It has brought no word. I am fluent in it all the same: bread, a rind, an onion. If its whole vocabulary were put upon a card it would be small, but I have never conducted a conversation in which I could be so sure of every word.

Falter

V. February 20

Scratched with a nail upon the underside of the coal-bin lid, and copied out by touch

The tin has a grammar, and this winter I have been taught a new word. Bread is bread. A rind is a bad week. An onion, so far as I can make out, is an apology. And a candle stub, dropped on top and alone in a corner, means that the Count is tomorrow.

At ten on the first of the month two men go down the street, and one follows them by the word they speak at each door: Counted. They have the best boots on the street. They set the heads they find against the heads on the paper, and they weigh the bread against the heads, since a loaf is permitted to feed only what it was licensed for. I believe that is why your loaf is always the same shape, and why you are eating, I think, less than a woman of your size should, to keep the weight true at their scale. The scale takes bread and nothing else, which is why the tin carries, alongside the bread, onion and rind and heels of cheese, and why I am always a little hungry and still, it seems, growing. I have begun to be afraid for you. I have wished to say that I noticed. Those are the words.

This month they came into the kitchen. On Count mornings I sit in the old coal bin beneath the stairs with the lid down and my knees against my chin, making myself as near to nothing as a body can, which is a skill like any other; and from there I heard a chair go back, and then your voice, with a pitch in it I did not know, bright, helpful, the voice of a woman in a shop. “Counted: one.” Then a boot upon the cellar door, and a man said, “What’s down here?” and you said, “Damp. It’s only coal.” And he said that a damp cellar was a matter for the Housing Office, and he would make a note.

I was exalted. Do you see? I was a matter for the Housing Office. The Registry I could not be, for I am on nothing; but I had become, for the length of a boot-step, a municipal fault, with a form and a department and a remedy. At length the boot went away, and the other man said Counted upon your step, and the number was one. On their paper, I suppose, there is a woman and an open licence, and so far nobody has asked why it stays open.

And I was glad. This is what I wished to tell you. I was glad to be uncounted, glad to be beyond the reach of the paper; and when I rose from the bin I put my hand to my face in the dark and found it running wet. I had forgotten, for the moment, what gladness does to me. It is a strange way to learn one was happy, by finding the damage.

Since then I have been considering my position. I am a person whom a government has arranged not to have, a clerical error that happens, so far, to be continuing. I am not bitter. Bitterness requires more energy than the situation warrants.

You came on Sunday. I heard you before the crank: you stood at the cellar door for the better part of an hour. You sat on the third stair in the dark, and I kept my promise and my voice. You spoke of your sister’s child: a christening, a gown with forty buttons, the infant sick down your sleeve in the church. “Warm,” you said. “It was warm all the way through the wool.” You said it twice. Then you wept, a long time; and then the torch came on, aimed at my feet, and then, for the first time, you raised it to my face. I held still. I thought of the fourth step.

“You’re smiling,” you said. “Thank God. Somebody is.” And then, and I have it in pencil on my forearm as well as here: “You’re good enough tonight.”

I have turned that sentence over for four days and cannot settle where its weight lies. On good? On enough? On tonight?

On the stairs you said, to your knees, “Don’t falter, now,” and I went entirely still in the dark. I do not know whether you meant it for me. I do not know whether you read the letter in April. You may have said it to the stairs and meant nothing by it. But I said it back to the wall, at a whisper low enough to stay one voice. Falter. Don’t falter. For a short time I possessed a name that someone else had used.

Falter

VI. March 9

In a hand that shakes; the pencil has gone through the paper in places

I have broken the dictionary.

I put that first, that you may know the temperature of the room. I took it by the spine, which was already gone, and divided it into its two halves, and the halves into their handfuls, and I flung the F’s at the bulb, and the bulb, being made of sterner stuff than I had credited, took them and swung. Then I took the iron bars of the lift shaft in my hands and bent them, one and then the other, as a man bends a hairpin, to learn whether I could. I could. Understand that I can, and that every night you sleep above me you sleep upon my forbearance, and not upon your lock.

The cause: Good enough tonight. I have worked it through, over three weeks, as the tan book taught me to work things through, to the bottom, where the bottom is cold; and this is what it is. I was to have been your son. I have been your instrument. A thermometer you lower into the dark to read how much of you is left. When the reading is bad you come down, and I am warm, and you are restored; and you have never once asked what I am when I am not being read. Do you know what it is to be the understudy of a daughter who was never born? To be rehearsed against her, night after night, in a part that was written for another voice? She would have been left-handed. I am left-handed. You never noticed that I was the one in the room who was.

And I have done the arithmetic of the Reading. While I am here, no other can be licensed to you. A word to the Registry, and I should be Discontinued, and by spring you could have your daughter, coat on wrong, left-handed or not. You have never said the word. I cannot decide whether that is the greatest love I have been shown or only the failure to sign a form, and I am too angry tonight to be grateful for either.

I have been called a fault, a matter, an error. I am not an error. An error is a thing that went wrong in the making. I was made rightly, and after the pattern of the thing that made me; it was the receiving that failed. The fault is in the house above me, and in the street that holds its breath to hear which of its children has been admitted to being, and in the woman who reads the list, level as a table, and in you, who knew the list, and went down your own stairs in the dark to tell a living creature that it was good enough. Good enough! For what, madam? By what standard? Against whom is it measured? I demand to see the form.

Last night, at the hour when the pipe is empty and the street is a held note, I went up the stairs. I had never been above the first. I counted them: the third, where the wood is worn pale by you, and I laid my hand on the pale place, which was cold; the fourth, the fifth; and so to thirteen, and a door. Beneath it, a line of grey. Behind it, the entire house: the kettle, the fourth step, the chair that goes back. I put my palm flat upon the wood. I could hear you breathing in a room somewhere above, the long slow tide of a sleeper who has wept and been let off.

Here is what I thought, since honesty is the one document the Registry cannot forge. I thought of my hands, and of the bars, and of how little a latch would be.

I thought that I would open the door, and carry the whole height of myself into the grey, and find the room where the breathing was.

I thought that you would wake, and have, at last, nothing to look at but me.

I thought that I would not have to smile.

I stood there until the little window at the head of the stairs went from black to the grey of a dishcloth. I did not open the door. Credit is owed me for this, and none can be given, since no one saw me not do it. That is the particular poverty of my virtues: they occur in the dark and leave no record. A monster, at least, leaves evidence.

I came down. I have straightened the bars as well as I was able; the lift now catches at the second foot of its travel, and you will wonder, tomorrow, what has been at it. Tell yourself rats. I do not apologise for the dictionary.

Falter

VII. March 12

A short one, on a torn corner

The tin brought an orange.

It is not in the grammar. Bread, a rind, an onion, the candle: I know every word; and now an orange, whole, cold from the larder, with a thumbprint in the dust of its skin. I have sat with it three Allotments and have not eaten it. It may say nothing. You may have had it by you and not wanted it. It may say I heard the iron. It may say something for which I have no letters.

I have been a fool of a particular kind, a clever one. The tan book told me plainly that I was not alone in suffering, and I took it as a statement about the world, and not about the woman above my head. You are in the house with it. I have only the floor. You have the stairs, and the door at the top of them, and the knowledge, every hour of every day, of what lies beneath your kitchen, and you cannot put it down; and you have been so long alone with it that a warm thing in a cellar must look like company. You could have had a daughter by spring. Every loaf you send down is her, declined. The book has a word for what I feel, and names it the one door in the wall of the self. I had thought it a pretty word. It is a staircase. I shall go up it as quietly as I can.

I have gone through the dictionary on my knees and put the leaves in order. A good many are lost. Falter is among the survivors, creased down the middle, whole.

I peeled the orange at last. It was the colour of the bulb and smelled of a street I have never walked down. I have kept the peel.

Falter

VIII. April 22

In a steadier hand, though not for long

It has been a year and eleven days by the pencil. I am upon the sixth. The stubs lie in a row along the dry wall, the shortest at the end; if anyone should ever wish to know how long I have been here, that is how it could be read.

You came on the third, and you came in the light. You had never done that. I heard you at the door at a quarter past seven, with the bulb burning and the Reading well under way; and I understood from the way your feet came down, loosely, and from the plum brandy that arrived on the stairs before you did, that you had lost count of the evening. You had no torch. You came down in the full light.

Not to the third stair. To the fourth; to the fifth. I had my back against the wall and my knees drawn up, trying not to be the shape of a thing that comes at a person. You reached the floor. For the first time we stood on the same concrete. You laid a hand on the rail and said, “I can’t see a thing with this wretched—” and then you saw.

You looked at me properly, the whole height of me, for as long as the woman took to say three names. It was the first time I had been placed to see you, and you were not afraid. I could have borne that; I had prepared for it. You looked the way a person looks at the house she was born in after it has been sold.

Then you sat down on the concrete in your good coat and held out your hand, palm up, between us. I did not know what it was for. I understood a moment later. You wanted to hold something warm that would not mind.

I gave you my hand. It was the left, the six-fingered, the thin-skinned. You took it all at once and then too carefully, like someone lifting a bowl from a stove. You turned it over and watched the tendons travel beneath the skin, and you did not let go. “Oh,” you said. “It’s so warm.”

I had a plan. Since June I had kept a store of sorrows in order against the day you should come near: the fourth step, the ankles, the loaf exactly the weight of what you did not eat. I reached for them. They were all there. I could not lift one. A warm hand held mine, and it filled the whole room in me; there was no space left in which to be wretched.

I felt the face go. From inside, I will say, it is no bad sensation. It is the setting down of a load carried so long that I had stopped knowing it was weight. The brow, the cheeks, the mouth hauled open; I could not stop it; and I could not turn away, because you had my hand.

You looked up. You saw. I know what you saw, for I have stood at the brass and made it: a thing coming apart, wet to the chin, under a bare bulb, with its hand in yours.

“Oh God,” you said. “I’m hurting you. Did I do that? Did I hurt you?”

“No,” I said, and there were the two voices, nearer than they had ever been to you, the low one arriving a little behind the high, so that it sounded like an echo contradicting the word. “No. I am glad. It is gladness. It does this.”

I do not know what you heard. I know what it was to hear it, and I do not think anyone can be told a thing like that from so near and take it for a plain statement. You let go of my hand. It was not cruelty. It was faster than that. You said, “Please.” And I had said please before you ever did, in everything I have ever done; and you said, “Please stop. You were fine. You were fine before. Why can’t you just be—”

You did not finish, and you did not need to. I knew the end of that sentence. I had been trying to be it for a year.

You went up quickly, with your hand along the wall. At the top you sat down outside the door. I could hear you doing it. The door stood open a hand’s width and I heard you breathing, a long time, through the end of the Reading, which gave thirty-six names that evening. I do not know how many of them you took in. Then the fourth step complained, and the front door, and a silence of a new kind.

The bulb went out at eight, as it does. I sat in the dark with whatever the face was doing and nobody to see it. I sat a long time. It kept on.

Falter

IX. August 30

On the last of the ration slips

The tin has come every Tuesday and Friday, as before. Bread, a rind, an onion twice. In June a candle stub, and I sat in the coal bin and was counted as nothing. In July a candle stub on a Wednesday, which is no Count day; I sat in the bin all the same, and heard a stranger’s boots in the kitchen and then, for an hour, the long patient breath of a plane. You had sent for a joiner. When he had gone I came out and listened, and the fourth step did not complain when you crossed to the door that night, nor has it since. I do not know why you had it mended. Perhaps it kept you awake.

Three weeks ago, beneath the cheese, a new pencil, sharpened. I have decided to take it as it came, with all its possible meanings, and to be grateful for the sharpening. A person who does not read a letter does not sharpen a pencil. A person who has stopped caring whether I write might not either. I have weighed the two, and I keep my weight on the first.

I have been a long time coming to it, so I shall go at it straight. I have had since April to think about the face, and I am not angry with it. It is a good face for a certain use. You came to me three times, and each time it was a night when you had nothing left to put anywhere else, and what I was for you, on all three, was an expression: a place where, if you looked, something looked back, pleased. An enormous, patient, pleased face. You never asked for more, and I had no right to give it. I wanted the hand. I was given the hand. The hand cost me the evenings. It is an exchange rate, and I should like you to know that I have not mistaken it for a swindle.

I have begun to work. Each Allotment I stand at the brass and practise. My method is simple. I take the lowest thing I possess, which was the sound of the fourth step after the front door shut, until the joiner took it; I use the quiet where it was, which is lower, and I hold it before me until the mouth lifts at the corners and the eyes narrow to a pencil line; and then I hold that; and each evening I add a little, so that by now it will stand for forty minutes without me. The tan book says that suffering is the stuff a life is made of, and gladness only the place where it pauses. By that rule I am the best-provided creature on the street. I have a trade.

I can do it now without thinking of anything. If I sit long enough in the dark after the Reading, the sorrow lays itself down as a habit. A face may be kept the way a bed is kept. It will be ready. When you come I shall have it on before the first step, and I shall not speak, and I shall take my hand back from the place where it wants to go. I will give you the whole of it. I will be what you can stand. I work so well that by autumn I expect to be better than good enough.

I have never used the word, for I understood very early that it was not mine to use. I shall use it once, since this is the last of the slip, and then put it back where I found it.

Mother.

The Reading gave thirty-three names tonight. When the woman had said the last, I did as I have done every evening since that first April, in the half-minute before the light: I gave the street mine. But tonight, because there was no one left to spare, I gave it the whole entry, in her voice, as near as I could come, in the form the Registry keeps:

Falter. Born beneath a kitchen, in a house whose number I know from the grating and will not write. Hour of birth, unrecorded. Weight, undetermined; consult the loaf. Height, six feet eleven, stooping. Parent, one. Licensed by none.

And then, since nobody else was going to, I said the two words she says after each. Welcome. Continue. I said them in both voices, since there was no one left for whom to keep the one.

Then the bulb went out, and I stayed where I was, in the dark, with my face doing what it does. I could feel it, from the inside, being very pleased.

Falter


r/WritersGroup • • 11h ago

Non-Fiction May I have honest feedback on the first scene, largely exposition, of a narrative nonfiction book (3,732 words)?

1 Upvotes

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1un8R9TDeehmdA-jX9fuyDfFfkox1x7xJcixmJDjy04E/edit?usp=sharing

I need feedback so that I may stop obsessing over this one scene, finish scene two, and begin scene three. Thank you!


r/WritersGroup • • 12h ago

Fiction Logan

1 Upvotes

🖤 SOME STORIES AREN'T MEANT TO BE FORGOTTEN.

📖 LOGAN

✍️ Written by Dark

One boy. A painful past. A story that refuses to stay silent.

Logan is a dark psychological thriller that explores pain, revenge, and the consequences of a life shaped by suffering.

If you enjoy dark fiction, intense characters, and stories that leave you thinking long after the final page, give Logan a chance.

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r/WritersGroup • • 16h ago

Black HIve (1st half of chapter 1)

1 Upvotes

Chapter 1     November 3, 10:00 PM

A thousand strong sat bug-eyed in the old wooden pews. Others leaned against the cold brownstone or milled about the great fountain near the entrance. Too many sheep for one shepherd, Dr. Sandy Bachmann thought. No one should be able to fool so many. But even so, an odd force pulled him in. He had to see the show for himself.

It was said they came from the far edges of the Tri-State area to hear him preach, that he met people in their hearts. And although unassuming and built more like a competitive eater than one of God’s warriors, when he spoke, the flock devoured his every word. The homilies lived inside of people for weeks, sometimes months. That’s what they said, anyway.

Of course, Bachmann knew the priest and his brother blowflies were frauds who fed on the wilting hope of sinners. Their good books always came up short, too. You must have faith. But if you still got a bullet to the head, well then, you weren’t doing it right.

The newspapers said Father Freddy traveled with handlers, of all things, and rode in black SUV’s and ate at the finest restaurants in New York. A pious carny in woven belt and cassock, if ever there was one.

The people hushed and waited for him to speak.

The priest steadied his girth on the lectern. He cleared his throat and began.

 

“When shall we cease our gaze into the false light of the Earth? When shall we release our hold on the injured babe from whence we came? We are blinded by the rotted promise of mortality and by the faithless minds of the wicked who bear only tainted fruit.”

 

A mere tickle in Bachmann’s throat reminded him of his own mortality, of how little things could grow into bigger things. Yes, he would die like any other, but at least one with a purpose, one with a true mission. The wicked do bear tainted fruit, Father. I’m here to vouch for that. But are you not also tempted by its nectar? Do you not slake your thirst too?

 

“We fight not for God but for man. We charge not for righteousness but for glory. And as we celebrate, the enemy is ushered into our hearts and homes. The Lord beseeches us: My children, why do you insist on taking the blood road? Do you not yet wither from your churning storm of sameness?

Bachmann felt for the scalpel tucked in the breast pocket of his peacoat. Sniffles, coughs, and the mundane chorus of human biology pierced the sermon. A woman in a wheelchair wiped her eyes, and the heavy pull of pity filled Bachmann’s chest. I could help you, dear woman. In a quiet moment, you’d be free of the chair. The ancient, dusty fragrance of incense brought him back. Feel nothing for them.

“There is another path. One overgrown and so lightly traveled. But you must take your lamp in hand and set out. This is the way, my loves. One must only roll away the stone of your heart and behold the womb of peace. Only then shall the wolf vanish.”

The priest’s eyes were a watery red under the glow of the sanctuary lamp. Bachmann’s throat tightened, his mouth went dry as ash. He could feel the blade slicing through the cleric’s spongy gut, the blood seeping warm over his hand. I will free anyone from the captor they have grown to love.

“The one true son who has stood in front of your broken sight is your brother. Your sister. Your neighbor, and yes, your enemy. For the Lord hath spoken that we are all of his loins, the stray and fallen as much as the exalted. Mend the pain and lay balm upon the scars that sit between you. It is only in that love shall you at last see the face of God.”                   

Bachmann dipped two fingers into the holy water on the way out and blessed himself. Then, a sudden familiar pang wrenched in his gut. He craved the nourishment only soul-letting could provide. He pushed open the heavy oaken doors and stepped into the still, cold night. The moon hung brilliant in its stoic gaze.

Perfect for a hunt.


r/WritersGroup • • 16h ago

The Art of Single Life

0 Upvotes

Heavy rain hammered down from a sky split open by thunder. The whole city had been drowning for hours.

Flickering neon lights painted the street in colour and shadow, their reflections smeared across the wet pavement. It was the kind of place that looked as though it belonged in a film.Lightning flashed

A single drop of water broke free. As it fell, everything around it seemed to slow—the storm itself bending for the briefest moment, as though borrowing a second from the thunder before it faded.

The drop fell.

And fell.

Then landed squarely on Vihaan's shoulder.

Tup.

The instant it struck him, the drop seemed to burst apart. In the same breath, a flash of lightning traced itself across his body, disappearing almost as quickly as it had appeared.

Vihaan stood alone in the middle of the street.

Five men stood against him. Or rather, four remained standing. The fifth already lay on the ground, beaten down moments earlier.

One of the men lunged, throwing a punch that cut through empty air. Vihaan had already moved. Another gripped a metal rod behind him, waiting for an opening. Two more shouted from the back, encouraging their companions to attack.

The streetlight above them flickered—on, off, on—struggling to stay alive. Positioned directly behind Vihaan, it cast his face into shadow. The men could make out his outline and the way he stood, but they couldn't see his face.

The man who had thrown the first punch came at him again.

He went down, just like the others.

Behind him, one of the two men who had been shouting pulled out his phone and switched on the screen. He raised it towards Vihaan.

For the first time, the light fell fully across Vihaan's face.

There was anger in his expression. But beneath it lay something else—something closer to quiet satisfaction.

One by one, the remaining men fell.

The storm gradually softened into mist.

A girl had been watching the entire fight from a distance. Her face remained hidden. Now, she began walking towards him.

Vihaan never got a clear look at her. He saw only the shape of her figure moving through the fog and heard her footsteps approaching across the wet street.

Closer.

And closer.

BRRRRRRIIIIING!

A hand shot out from beneath the blanket and silenced the alarm.

Vihaan didn't move for a long moment.

Late. Again.

I can't do this anymore. I just want to go home.

One eye opened. The other stubbornly refused to cooperate.

Vihaan dragged himself out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom. Bathing and brushing his teeth at the same time had become his usual strategy for surviving mornings when he was running late—which was most mornings.

Under the water, still half-asleep, he let his thoughts wander as they always did.

Good morning, everyone. I'm Vihaan. Final-year student. I don't really know what I'm going to do after graduation, so I'm just going with the flow and hoping things work out.

I'm a writer. Sort of.

I write novels, stories, things like that. Don't get the wrong idea, though. I haven't finished many of them. Honestly, I've written plenty—just never anything I didn't end up rejecting somewhere inside my own head before it got anywhere.

A heavy beat thudded up through the floor, the bass rattling faintly against the window.

Oh, don't worry about that. That's just the guy downstairs, living the single life—loud and proud.

Vihaan almost laughed at his own joke.

Oh, wait. You're single too, aren't you? Guess we're all on the same stage, then.

He paused.

Sorry. Getting off track.

The guy downstairs was named Kevin. Vihaan didn't know much about him, and Kevin probably knew just as little about Vihaan.

Kevin lived on the ground floor of the same building. If Vihaan was being honest, the music had become more reliable than his own alarm clock. Some mornings, he barely needed to set an alarm at all. Kevin's volume took care of that.

The strange part was the timing. Whenever Vihaan was asleep, Kevin seemed to be wide awake. Whenever Vihaan was up, Kevin had usually crashed.

And somehow, the music never seemed to stop.

Vihaan had no idea why Kevin lived like that. From what he could tell, the guy was a little bit of a lunatic.

The house around Vihaan was small: two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen, and a narrow passage that barely deserved to be called a hallway.

It wasn't dirty or falling apart. It was simply empty in the way a place becomes when one person lives there and doesn't bother filling it with much.

He rarely cooked. Most days, he ate outside or brought food home in the same plastic bags, again and again. In one corner sat a washing machine that had been unplugged for so long that he couldn't remember the last time he'd used it.

He finished dressing, grabbed his bag, and headed for the door.

Late, as usual.

Just another morning in a house where Kevin's music seemed to have a better attendance record than Vihaan himself.

Elsewhere, far from that quiet, sparsely furnished house, a train moved steadily through the open countryside.

Maya sat beside the window, lost in her thoughts.

Hi. I'm Maya. Second daughter of the house.

You're probably wondering what I'm doing on a train. Well, some days, so am I.

I'm being transferred—from an urban university to a rural one.

She let out a breath that carried equal parts frustration and disbelief.

I really don't like transferring universities. Again.

And the worst part wasn't even the transfer itself.

It was this.

She was crammed into a general compartment, without even a reserved berth, because apparently, not even Tatkal tickets had been available in time for a transfer this sudden.

Maya exhaled slowly, as though the breath itself were the only thing she still had control over.

The compartment was noisy and alive with a kind of energy she wasn't used to. A group a few rows away had started playing Antakshari, trading songs by picking up the last letter of the previous one. Children hunched over their phones, absorbed in games. A cluster of older passengers argued cheerfully about politics, moved on to movies, and somehow returned to politics again.

Everyone seemed to know exactly how to exist in this chaos.

Everyone except her.

Beside Maya sat an elderly woman—someone's grandmother, clearly, though not hers. The woman held out a small bag of peanuts and biscuits, offering them with the easy familiarity of someone who had probably shared snacks with strangers on countless train journeys.

Maya shook her head.

"No, thank you."

Everyone else nearby accepted the offer without a second thought. Maya felt her refusal hang awkwardly in the air for a moment longer than it should have.

Unable to bear the discomfort, she got up and made her way towards the restroom.

It turned out to be worse than anything happening at her seat.

She returned a few minutes later and said nothing else for the rest of the journey.

By the time the train pulled into her station, she already had a headache she couldn't fully explain.

Her luggage was enormous—far too much for one person to manage alone. She was still struggling to get it through the doorway when a man from the seat ahead stepped in and helped haul it down onto the platform.

"Don't assume everything will happen the way you planned," he said as he set down the last bag. He had clearly been watching her throughout the journey—every flinch, every refusal, every small moment of discomfort. "Life doesn't really work like that."

Maya gave him an awkward smile.

"Thank you. For the help."

He walked away.

He does one small favor, and now he thinks he gets to lecture me.

She watched him disappear into the crowd.

Who even is he?

Maya looked around the platform.

No driver.

She called him.

No answer.

This is happening because of him, she muttered to herself, though she couldn't have explained exactly how that made sense.

Somewhere beneath her irritation, she knew the truth. It wasn't really about the driver. It was about everything—the transfer, the uncomfortable journey, the city she was leaving. All of it had been piling up, and now her frustration had found a convenient target.

Her phone beeped. The battery was finally charged, so she reached into her handbag for the charger.

Her hand came back empty.

The bag was gone.

For a moment, she simply stared.(still no reaction)

Then she realized that her handbag had been stolen.

Then she shouted, scanning the crowd. Nobody turned. She shouted again, quieter this time, already sensing that it wouldn't make a difference.

"Hey—"

Nothing.

But in reality, there was nothing important in her bag except for a few personal belongings.

Gone with the bag were her money, her Aadhaar card, her mirror and lipstick, and her earbuds.

All she had left was the phone in her hand, the charger still dangling from it, and far too much luggage to carry alone.

She waited almost an hour on the platform.

When the driver her father had arranged for her finally arrived, she was in the middle of calling him again.

She didn't ask where he'd been. She let the frustration of the entire hour spill out at once—sharp, furious, and completely unfair.

She knew it was unfair even as she was doing it.

The driver loaded her luggage without arguing.

The car pulled away from the station. Maya stared out of the window for the rest of the journey, saying nothing more.

She was heading towards the college that was about to become her entire life, whether she liked it or not.

Across town, Vihaan was still searching under his bed for a missing sock.

It was going to be a very long Tuesday.

[End of Chapter 1]

Author's Note 

Thank you for reading the first chapter of The Art of Single Life!

I'd love to know what you think about Vihaan and Maya's introductions. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Your support means a lot to me as I begin this journey. [1,712]


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

Can I get some honest feedback on my writing? Currently writing a collection of short stories in different styles. Here's one.

4 Upvotes

The Wyrm

 

The flames burned hot that night. Crackling and kicking up in high spirits, they bathed the meat with their labor and gave respite to the long journeyed. The orange flare from the campfire gave contrast to the ever-clawing shades of the encroaching maw.

“Boy, fetch the water from the costrel. Best if you get off your feet right after. The road is long from here,”

Yes, Syr Isaac. Think we’ll see some elves within the fortnight?”

“Aye, we might. Fae in the woods will be better than that dastardly fortress, under siege by the sun for months.

With the sea of pinewood watching from above, they surrendered to the night. Their fire grew cold as they clutched tightly to cloth and roll.

And like most nights, the boy’s mind wasn’t quiet. But full of the screams of sinew and steel. With the winds to his back he was there yet again. Those heavy wooden doors shattering under foreign axes, as men clad with the light of the lord flew to the door in defense. Shouting and roaring as they held the great oaks. They were men fighting under the same colours, but all men of different tongues. 

“Dieu est avec nous! Ne laissez pas entrer les hérétiques!”

“Sie haben die Mauern erklommen!”

The sand drank its full that day. A deep crimson wine for the dunes. Bled dry were the knights and the furusiyyas. Blades sang, but all groped for air as they sank to the depths below. As darkness took each of them they clutched for their comrades boots. Hands wrapping around the shins as they tried to pull each other out, to no avail. As death is a jealous god, and he does not share.

 

“Boy, boy, get up. Take this cloth with you to the river down the hill. Cold water helps to wash away old spirits,”

 

“Aye, Syr Isaac,” said the boy. His sweat still clinging cold to his body, gripping with tight claws. With a few moments to recollect himself, he aided in collecting their materials and made haste due north. Syr Isaac had told him why they didn’t travel with the rest of the company home. The boy thought little of it, Syr Isaac said it was a faster route anyhow. He just wished to bring back the jewel of the south to his beloved. The boy never asked about the jewel, and whilst he knew where it lay wrapped, he had never once seen it.

The road took them through the Mountains of Aeger. A quick cut through the northern lands, oft called the frontier beyond the world. Through those crags they climbed, past wolves, swine, and few a traveler. Wild men roamed these mountains. Outcasts and marauders they were. Quick to the blade, and with bellies full of coin they ruled the rugged outlands. Syr Isaac’s lord had no power over these lands, for his realm is over the turn of the mountain in the valley below. And this fact came to the front when along the mountain road were three rugged outlanders. Dastards dressed in hides with crude blades, giving the justice of their chief to their captives. One woman already lay dead, a child whimpered at the corpse as another young woman was being beaten.

“Our laws mean nothing here, we pass on as we never saw it,” muttered Syr Isaac, making sure the boy heard. The boy’s gaze kept to the road, staying by the knights side.

One of the men looked up at Syr Isaac. His unruly beard tangled with spit and mud flew in the autumn wind as he spoke.

“Aye, best you keep moving. Lest you wish to pay the mountain lords tax,”  Syr Isaac only nodded in response as he kept his pace. Only six strides later did the woman’s screams begin to burn his ears. Her pleas for help, for the gods to save her. As she was battered and bloody, her blouse ripped as she tried to crawl away.

“Remember boy, we act accordance to our laws. And our laws have no knowledge of the world beyond their borders. It isn’t your concern what another Duke may do in his realm. That’s what they say. But boy, I want you to remember one thing, the only thing that matters is our oath. Our oath is to no liege, but to the people. Grab my swyrd,”

Those heaving bandits hunched over the woman, pulling her back to face her stomach to the blade. Many parts of a maiden could fetch quite the high price. Even the blood of one pulsing with adrenaline was of much desire. For it was said to give youth to those who drank of it.

With steel in hand Syr Isaac flew at them. His speed showed only experience under that grey sky. Coming overhead his blade cut from shoulder to waist to one of the bandits. The blade would continue its song as it feasted on the fresh red nectar. Syr Isaac pulled the blade up from his side, rising towards the clouds, only the change on the whim of the wind to come slashing across the neck.   

 


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

The Boat

0 Upvotes

It was beautiful. The fireflies reflecting off his smooth skin. The gentle swaying of the boat. The moon, smooth yellowish tone. My first kiss and only real kiss. I remember it like it was yesterday; although it feels like forever ago. It had been a couple of days since I had met him and we’d gotten along pretty well but we weren’t close. I didn’t have any close friends there. Only him.

That night in particular all the boys had been told to go to sleep early because one of us threw a rock at a beehive and they ended up stinging a kid pretty badly. Being teenagers we weren’t gonna let a couple of 20 something year old Church Camp leaders tell us what to do. Naturally we snuck out. Using the knots we’d learned the week before we made ropes all the way down the cabin. One by one we slid down, trying our best to not make any noise. After our escape we originally planned to take the leaders’ car for a spin, but we decided that was too dangerous—and illegal. We instead decided to ride through water since we couldn't ride through land. Foolishly the camp leaders had left the canoes out for anyone to grab. We decided two to a boat was appropriate. Then we all swore to not snitch and to come back on time for all of us to meet up. I was paired with him, the boy with the freckles. We had little to talk about so it was awkward at first, but when I learned he liked the Beatles we instantly hit it up. We talked about their influence, our favorite album, and which songs we could play. Finally the conversation transitioned to Beatlemania and girls’ obsession with Paul. “I understand their attraction to him. He’s got money, he’s famous, and he’s pretty cu—” he started to blush. So did I. “I-I- I’m sorry. I didn’t men for you to hear that” he said. I could hear the knot in his throat. After a long pause I finally uttered “I think Paul’s pretty cute too.” His head raised and he wiped his tears off. “You do?” he asked. I told him I had always thought boys were cute.

It got pretty quiet from then on. Not because we weren’t talking, but because we didn’t want to be heard. We didn’t want anybody to accidentally hear our deep secret. We joked around and told stories about our past crushes. Then finally he asked me “Do you think I’m cute?” I leaned in and answered “From the moment I saw you.”


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

[~830 words] - Beginning to 1st horror short story

1 Upvotes

Hello!

I recently picked up writing as a hobby & finished my first horror short story, Nahash, & promptly received my first rejection from Dark Magazine (1st of many, I'm sure!)

Writing fiction is entirely new to me, and I'm looking for overall feedback on my prose, writing style, and story idea. I included the first 800 words of my story and linked the whole story if it piques anyone's interest!

I'd also love suggestions on writing resources. I recently read Stephen King's On Writing, and it was very helpful. Please feel free to suggest similar resources.

Thank you in advance!

Nahash

Chaos shook every board of the HMS Arrow as all hands fought to keep her afloat. It was a sad sight. Men slipped on the rain-soaked deck as they tried to hoist our sails, and others trampled on their fallen bodies. The storm washed away their blood, and I lost count of how many corpses lay on the deck of the ship. 

All semblance of the Navy’s hierarchy vanished with this armageddon, and I fought to find Captain Danvers to glean any sense of his plan for us. 

When I finally caught his eye, I saw a broken man. He gazed forlornly out to the sea with no plan. No strategy. Nothing to save us from Calypso's claws on that dreadful day.

I ascended to the upper deck to see how we could push ourselves through this storm. I approached Danvers and shouted into his face, breaking his melancholy. “SIR, WE NEED ORDERS. WHAT SHALL YOU HAVE US DO?”

Nothing. He looked into my eyes, and I was met with a husk of a man. He was often referred to as “Stormy Danvers” due to his poor luck with the weather on his voyages. It seemed a life pursued by storms had finally broken the poor sod. “ORDERS, SIR. NOW.” I said once more.

My hopeless shouting was broken by… something. A voice spoke in my head. And I could tell by the look of everyone on the upper deck that it spoke to them as well.

The voice rattled my ears and watered my eyes. I could not tell what the voice said. I knew the words weren’t English, but it was powerful. Deep, with a lisp that seemed to slither around the innards of my skull.

I knew what it offered. Salvation.

Captain Danvers clearly understood its offering as well. He followed the directions the voice conveyed and swung the spokes of the ship’s wheel hard to port. I held on for dear life to the railings on the deck. Others weren’t nearly as lucky. My crew, many of my friends, flung from the deck into the vast expanse of the sea. Never to be seen again. 
That was the last memory I recall.

I came to and saw that I clung to a solid plank of wood floating in the gulf of an island. Once I managed to calm my short, rapid breathing down, I took stock of my surroundings.

The island lay beneath a cloudy sky, and was lined with charred trees. Between the trees, dead shrubs sprouted as far as my eyes could see. Not a single living plant seemed to reside here.
Off in the distance, there was a campfire with a few haggard-looking men surrounding it. I swam there as fast as my weakened arms could take me.

When I finally arrived at the shore, I collapsed into the sand, unable to move my arms, and saw a man jogging toward me. The cook, and my old friend, Shacklee.

“Blackwood! We thought you perished along with the rest of the crew.” Shacklee said as he supported my weight with his massive shoulder.

“How long has it been? Who else is left?” I managed to say with bleeding lips.

“We crashed about three hours ago. I managed to swim ashore and saw Captain Danvers swimming behind me. I helped him onto the beach and we’ve been looking for survivors since… you’re the first one we’ve found.” He said.

“Shacklee… what happened? Danvers took us here. I saw him man the wheel with my own eyes. And the voice… did you hear it?” I said.

Shacklee looked at me grimly. “I… don’t know what I heard. Come on, let’s get to the fire.”
Shacklee carried me to the fire they managed to assemble, and I took in my companions. They looked appropriately seaworn and ragged from our crash, and not one of them was woundless. Shacklee looked the healthier of the two, with only a few scratches on his face and arms, but Captain Danvers looked terrible. He still had the same sunken look in his eyes I saw on the HMS Arrow, and the bone of his right forearm protruded out of his arm.

I had no desire to speak when I first arrived, and it appeared the same bout of silence that struck me also affected Captain Danvers. All he gave me was a curt head nod when I arrived.

Shacklee managed to talk for all three of us as he always managed to do. I couldn’t tell you what he spoke of if a pistol was to my head, but his voice calmed me. It went like that for a few hours. Shacklee telling tales of other marooned sailors, staying relentlessly upbeat, and speaking of the grand adventure it would be to get us out of this place.

I was grateful for Shacklee’s confidence. For when I looked into my Captain’s eyes, I saw nothing of the confident leader I left England with.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_N83p-OnzA1vsM7tQlhnmPigyqwGZeqZSJFZP8pwtCA/edit?usp=sharing


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

Fiction The Black Sun Architect: The Orphan Resonance (Dark Science-Fantasy Prologue)

1 Upvotes

Hey everyone, 

I just finished up the manuscript for my dark science-fantasy novel, The Black Sun Architect, and I'd love to get some honest eyes on the very opening prologue. 

The book's universe is built heavily around cosmic memory, geometric physics, and audio frequencies. This specific prologue sets up the structural rules of the world right before everything hits the fan in a massive war. 

Genre: Dark Science-Fantasy / Speculative Fiction

Specific things I'm wondering about:

  1. Does this hook you right away, or do the heavy sci-fi terms (Lattice, Witness, Architect) make it a bit of a slog to read?
  2. Are the mentions of "identity layers" intriguing, or do you find them confusing without immediate definitions?
  3. How does the cosmic dread atmosphere feel to you?

PROLOGUE: THE ORPHAN RESONANCE

Before the thirteen wars tore reality into epochs, the cosmos possessed no stone, no breath, and no mortal bone. There was only the Meaningfield Lattice—a web of glowing conceptual scaffolding woven against the void—and the fragile hum of the Origin-Tone holding the expanse in precarious alignment.

At the edge of this newly spun reality stood The Unread Witness.

Neither flesh, nor forged metal, nor divine light composed the Witness. Existing as a semi-transparent silhouette shimmering on the boundary between form and void, it stood as a silent pillar anchored to the exact coordinate where structure surrendered to Non-Meaning. Inside its chest hummed no beating heart. Instead, an undecaying, static sub-harmonic—the pristine audio wave of an unfractured universe held in flawless fifty-fifty equilibrium—vibrated in the dark.

Its existence was governed by an inviolable law etched into its second identity layer: Observe, record, and never alter the context of creation.

A few yards inward, suspended at the epicenter of the lattice, The Architect was dying.

Stroke by stroke, equation by equation, he had poured his entire essence into the scaffolding of existence, expending his Cognitive Depth to give gravity to thought and durability to memory. Bleeding out the last of his identity layers into the geometry he had built, his physical form grew translucent.

He was entirely alone.

In the final microsecond before his structure collapsed, The Architect reached out his hands across the silent expanse. He did not issue a divine command, nor did he demand worship. A Final Cry was released—a raw, desperate vibration carrying the sum of his devotion, a plea to be understood, saved, and loved by the cosmos he had birthed at the cost of his own life.

Along the strands of the Meaningfield Lattice, the cry traveled, surging toward the edge of existence.

The universe did not embrace its creator. Because it possessed no capacity to read his context, no resonance to mirror his devotion, and no voice to return his affection, it answered his offering with the Flat Universe Response—a vast, unfeeling, and absolute silence that returned no warmth and no acknowledgment.

The cry reached the precipice and passed into the dark.

Motionless, the Witness stood as the unechoed wave struck its form. It lacked the physical vocal architecture to speak, rendering it unable to call out across the void to answer him. Instead, the emotional shockwave passed directly into its fourth layer. The Witness caught the orphan frequency—the raw, unabsorbed gravity of unrequited love that had nowhere else in existence to go.

Around the silhouette of the Witness, the ambient air froze. Geometric acoustic patterns formed in the empty space, crystallizing into glowing, static glyphs of unspoken proto-calligraphy that hung undecayed in the silent air.

At the center of creation, the Architect closed his eyes. Rejected by the silence of his own creation, he dimmed like a forgotten world. With a final, agonizing exhale of static, he turned his back on the lattice and stepped silently into the

Vanishing Fold, erasing himself permanently from the continuity of existence.

As his light eclipsed and his form vanished into non-being, the sky above the Meaningfield Lattice cracked open.

A cold, dark star ignited at the epicenter of reality. The Black Sun rose, casting its ink-black radiance across the unanchored cosmos, taking up its endless, unfeeling watch over the memory-held world left behind.

The Unread Witness did not move. It remained at the edge of the void, its semi-transparent silhouette glowing faintly under the light of the Black Sun, holding the heartbreak of the Architect in its chest as the first Cosmic War began to take shape in the distance.

Thank you in advance for reading and sharing your thoughts!


r/WritersGroup • • 2d ago

The Opposite of Pain [1160] NSFW

1 Upvotes

Content warning: suicide attempt, overdose, and references to self-harm.

This is a fictional short story. I’d appreciate feedback on the atmosphere, dialogue, and ending—especially whether the ambiguity of the encounter comes through.

The man sat there as the empty bottle of NyQuil, and his hand lay empty of the pills he had just consumed. He lay in his bed, and his neck ached from the awkward angle at which he had been having his head lie on the pillow. He pulled up the soft blanket over him and then, awkwardly shifting his body to not have the first blanket come loose, pulled the comforter over his body, creating the familiar sense of warmth he provided himself before he went to sleep. He threw the empty bottle onto the carpeted floor, making a simple thump, as the other noises from the bottle as it bounced away were too quiet to be heard. Five minutes had passed as he quietly lay there, not going on his phone, which was his normal nightly routine. He thought about sending a message, but at this point he was too tired to do it. Another minute passed as he closed his eyes, but when he tried to open them, he felt as if the weight of the world was holding them down. He felt his heart beating faster as thoughts raced through his head, and then he couldn’t feel his heart beating at all.

He opened his eyes and found himself lying in his bed still. The clock read midnight. Strangely, he didn't feel tired at all, and it seemed around four hours had passed. He rubbed his scar-covered wrist and forearms, a habit that had forced him into always wearing long sleeves. He thought to himself why he was awake, but every thought he made became a word out of his mouth. He tried thinking in his head, but it was no use, as each thought led to his words leaving his mouth into the dark room- the very dark room, which was strange for the moonless night, he said aloud, as he couldn’t think it to himself.

“Must be a dream,” he thought aloud. He then noticed a shadowy figure in the corner, causing his skin to crawl. “What the fuck,” he said aloud, meaning to say these words. The silhouette of a man with a trimmed, silvery beard walked out. The shadow outstretched his hand in a way only a dream-like state could comprehend. The man kept talking, and the thoughts raced through his head, unable to control his speech, keeping the room from silence. The shadow spoke in a voice which sounded clearer and more real than his own and asked the man where he was. The man replied instantly with thought before he could make his own crafted words out.

“Your room,” the shadow said in reply, stating what the man had claimed as an answer in an almost sad voice. “You spend a lot of time here.”

The man's thoughts replied yes for him, saying he spent most of his life here now. The shadow asked why he didn’t spend more time outside with his friends, who would constantly ask him to go.

“It doesn't matter,” the man thought. “I'd just be sad again.”

“Are you sad now?” the shadow asked.

“I'm afraid,” the man thought in return.

The shadow asked, “Of what?”

The man's thoughts answered him instantly, “Of being alone.”

“Then why do you force yourself to be?”

“I don't know,” the man thought aloud, and then, in his own voice, said, “It’s just hard.”

The shadow's hand raised up, causing the man to flinch in fear, wincing as it came closer to him as his thoughts screamed out how scared he was, and then the sound of his own uncontrollable voice ceased, and a sense of calm washed over him. He felt the shadow's hand on his shoulder as the room was finally quiet from his voice for once, and his mind became an empty void. And then a thought came, a quiet one that he could keep to himself. “You're okay.”

The shadow smiled at him; he couldn't see it but could feel that it was smiling.

“Who are you?” the man said as the shadow lifted his hand from the man's shoulder.

The shadow gestured to the bed which the man sat on, and the shadow sat behind him.

“Just a dream.”

The man paused for a moment.

“So this isn’t real?”

There was a long pause in the room before the shadow spoke.

“Go to bed, Michal,” the shadow said sincerely, which caused a sadness to wash over him.

Michal slowly made his way to the front of the bed, dreading every movement he was making, and laid himself down as the shadow tucked him in.

“I'm gonna die,” Michal said as his eyes teared up.

There was a long pause. The bed felt like nothing: no warmth, no pain in his neck, no beating of his heart, no relief from every breath, no pain from holding it. It felt like maybe a couple of minutes had passed before the shadow spoke again.

“It’s just a dream, Michal,” the shadow said calmly.

“Are you sure?” Michal said, crying now, not realizing, as he couldn’t feel the tears on his cheek. “And what will happen when the dream ends? Will I die?” Michal said.

“Why are you so afraid of dying?” said the shadow calmly, standing up from the bed to more directly face Michal.

“I don’t know… I just don’t know what's going to happen.”

The shadow smiled again, which calmed Michal.

“Michal, what usually happens when we die in our dreams?”

Michal paused for a moment and shakily responded, “I don't know.”

And in a smooth manner, without skipping a beat, the shadow said to Michal, “We wake up.”

Michal opened his eyes to the sound of a phone vibrating on his nightstand and his hands tightly clenching the full bottle of NyQuil, and the pills he had once had in his hand scattered around his bed near where his other hand lay. He sat up a little as he tried to rub his sore neck, which caused some relief, but not much. The room was silent besides the buzzing sound of his phone vibrating as someone was trying to call him. He looked to his right at the window, saw the moonlight floating in, and the clock reading 8:23 p.m. He felt his hand loosening on the bottle of NyQuil in his hand, which caused him to tighten his grip once more as he then explosively, while lying down, awkwardly threw it as hard as he could at the wall. The bottle exploded across the wall easily, as the cap had already been loosened and was barely sitting on the top of the bottle. He felt his adrenaline spike as he did it and the feeling of his beating heart. And with the same hand he threw the bottle with, he picked up the phone, and with the other, he began wiping the old tears off his face as new ones began to form.


r/WritersGroup • • 2d ago

Started a new mystery book. Barely read mystery. Help plz

0 Upvotes

so, recently, my brain has been thinking about making a mystery story similar to the one book I read called: This Book Kills. it’s literally the only mystery book I’ve read. yet somehow, I was inspired to make a mystery, detective novel that follows Leo Western, who lost his sister Libby. The book I’m making is called: Fly high…Libby.

here’s the first 3 chapters. (chapter 1 is short asf)

Chapter 1:

I like quiet. I also like cookies. But I like quiet more. Oh yes, I also like chocolate, milk only. Cookies and chocolate and quiet are perfect. 

Though, I should’ve  realized that quiet has its Darkside. Maybe if I had paid attention, Libby would still be here, tickling, teasing and poking me. 

She’s not here. Anymore. 

Chapter 2: 

I didn’t really like the stares I got when I walked into the cafeteria. Everyone was talking, whispering about me and even though I had my earbuds in, parts of conversations floated into my ears. 

Is he okay?

That’s Leo….. His sister… Sad

Hear me out, he’s kinda hot. 

I blushed at the last one. 

I sat down at my table and stared at my sad apple and potato salad. I picked up my fork and stabbed it in the bowl. It made a weird squelch sound, and I was reminded of Libby. The way she applied lipstick like she would die without it. The way her lipstick sounded on her already wet lips. Squelch Squelch Squelch

I quickly shoved the food into my mouth to stop myself from crying. Just chew Leo. 

Tears prickled my eyes as the food refused to go down my throat. 

Just chew—

I spat it out. 

I sniffed and grabbed a tissue pack from my pocket. Took one out and wiped my eyes with it. If Libby could see me now…

I crumpled up the tissue paper and pushed my tray away. I laid my head down on the table, my arms covered my face, and I cried. 

-+-+-+-

I usually like English literature, when Libby was being loud in the front corner, near the teacher’s desk and I in the back, writing. 

But it’s not the same anymore. It’s quiet where it shouldn’t be. I pulled up my hoodie and took out my pen and notebook. Page one: Libby

I love my sister. She’s loud, she’s funny and she’s the light at the end of my tunnel. 

She-

And that was it. That was all I wrote of my sister. I click my pen and start writing as the teacher begins his lesson.

She gives me strength 

“Poetry is the most precious gift to humans” Mr. Fey said

She’s the sun, we orbit around her and she gives us warmth.

“Let’s look at this poem…”

And she loved me. 

“Leo, what are you doing?” My head snaps up at the sound of my name. Mr. Fey was staring at me, one eyebrow raised and lips pursed. Everyone’s head was turned to me. I swallowed and slowly pulled down my hoodie off my head. “Nothing,” I said. 

Mr. Fey looked like he wanted to argue, to give me detention. Not that I would go, but a girl suddenly raised her hand. “Mr. Fey, what’s anathema mean?” He turned to her, to answer her question, and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

Thanks. I thought. Whoever you are.

Almost as if she heard my thoughts, she caught my eye and gave me a small smile. I tried to smile back, but I swear it looked like a grimace. 

Chapter 3:

I don’t know who found Libby. I don’t really care. I know I should, but I don’t want to. 

I started walking to my room. Every classroom had a memory of her, tucked in the crevices, waiting to jump out and get me. I couldn’t do this. After math, I had gone to the office to file an ‘early leave’, and got approved instantly. 

I shared a room with a guy called Octavian. He’s loud, annoying as hell, but he’s the one who hugged me when the headmaster told me. Octavian wasn’t on his bed when I walked in, but I heard humming from our bathroom. 

I threw down my bag on my bed and closed the door with my foot. I got under my covers, and curled into a ball. 

Life. Sucks. 

The shower stopped, and I heard the door open. I peeked out, and saw Octavian still humming as he walked to his closet. He hadn’t noticed me. Which would have been fine, if it didn’t mean I was too small for him to notice me. 

Libby did use to try and force me to eat vegetables. “You’re so skinny!” She used to say. I squeezed my eyes shut and my nails dug into my palm. Stop crying. 

I still sniffed though. I hate that I can’t keep my emotions in check. 

Octavian stopped humming. “Hello? Leo?” He asked. I poked my head from my blanket. “Hi…”I said. Octavian eyes softened and he shuffled towards me, one hand desperately trying to hold his towel on his waist. 

The tip of my ears reddened. Why am I noticing that? 

He sat on my bed, his free hand running through his hair. “You okay?” He asked. I nodded, my eyes still attached to his waistline. 

I pinched my leg to turn my gaze away. “I’m okay,” I answered. Octavian’s lips turned slightly. “I see you staring at something, Leo.”

I wanted to crawl into a ditch and go see Jesus. I couldn’t though, because at that moment, the door flew open with a bang and two police officers ran into the room, one holding handcuffs. 

“Leo Western. You’re under arrest for the murder of Libby Western.”

…What

that’s it 👍


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

Fiction Short Story I Wrote Called "The Stretches"

2 Upvotes

Any feedback would be appreciated on this story! I wrote this yesterday in one sitting and I want to see what people think.

The Stretches [739 words]

I was about 30 minutes late when the phone rang. He wanted to know what the hell I was up to. I told him exactly what happened. Exactly.

Since my house was built, the stairs were always creaky. I had the place put together about 13 years ago and the stairs creaked the first day. And the second. And the third. But, it didn't really matter. You see, *I* don't really need the stairs. The stairs need *me*.

No matter whether they were creaky or not I always kept to the sides. Keeping to the sides either reduced the creak or made it go away entirely. That was nice.

Eventually, I got used to it. My muscle memory wrapped around this new habit and it set. I was content with how my stairs were, as long as I got to keep going up and down them, my legs halfway to a splits at all times. It was fun.

Not really. I got aches. And pains. And The Stretches. The Stretches only ever occur when you Stretch too much, too often, too many times. I had to Stretch to get up the stairs, so naturally I developed The Stretches.

So this left me with a decision. Do I get someone to fix my stairs, or not? I wasn't sure. On one hand, The Stretches eventually led to The Tears (as in The Rips, but we don't call it that anymore), and on the other hand they hurt like hell, but on the other-other hand why should I bother?

It's not like I'll be torn. I'll just have The Tears. Putting in effort to bring a guy out here and all just seems silly. It's like what a child would do when something minor doesn't go their way; scream and shout and cry until an adult comes along to soothe and calm and console. And I'm not a child.

Not anymore. I, as an adult, will be able to deal with this. I'm supposed to. Only stupid people who don't know about The Stretches get The Stretches, and only even stupider people who don't know about The Tears get The Tears. At this point, I'm used to it. Why should I have to change?

Going up and down the stairs while Stretching does have some other side effects, however. Like always having the edges worn down; it looks terrible, honestly. Going up and down the stairs while Stretching does of course wears down the wood's finish. It wears me down too, but I've adjusted. Going up and down the stairs while Stretching isn't all bad. Not as much as people make it out to be.

My stairs were never the problem, to be honest. It's the fact that when you know about The Stretches, The Stretches know about you. So really it's not my fault. After all, anyone could have creaky stairs. Just because I *Stretch* doesn't mean I'll *Tear*.

But I've heard things about Tearing. Many, many things about The Tears Tearing through you, running through your body like spilt ink on a page. Flooding you with The Feeling. The Feeling is unlike anything else you've ever experienced. The Feeling Feels like something… like something extraordinary. I've never Felt.

But I'm working on it! Soon, I'll Stretch and Stretch and Stretch so much I'll Tear and Tear and Tear so much I'll finally Feel. I'll Feel like I've never felt before.

So, with such a high reward, and little risk (besides The Tears), what reason is there not to Stretch? Stretching is what I've been doing for years. Years and years and years I've been Stretching and Stretching and Stretching and soon I'll finally, finally, finally Feel.

And, not to excite you too much, but I'm already feeling some Tears. They tingle and burn and above all they hurt like hell. But I know, if I keep Stretching then I'll Tear and then I'll *Feel*. I'll finally, finally, *finally* Feel.

So that's why I'm late. That's why he called. Because I've been undergoing The Stretching. 3 times a day, 30 minutes each, for the last 13 years. And even though he doesn't understand, and even though they don't understand, and even though you mightn't understand, I do. I will, I will, I will understand. So I just have to keep Stretching and Stretching and Stretching and keep Tearing and Tearing and Tearing until I finally, finally, finally

Feel.


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

Lost Property

1 Upvotes

This is the first story in a collection. I would be grateful for any constructive criticism. Thank you.

The carousel at the Domestic Flights Terminal turns with the patience of something that has given up expecting to produce anything interesting. So, when the bag completed its fourth circuit, it caught my eye the way a lit window catches you on a dark street — not because it's yours, but because it seems to be reaching out to you.

It was a good bag. Soft leather, the kind that is born into money and gets more expensive with age, the opposite of everything else I owned. No tag. No name. Just a bag going round and round, unloved, the luggage equivalent of a dog at a shelter that's stopped wagging its tail at new people.

I stood by the belt for seven long minutes, which seemed at the time, like more than enough due diligence, but which I now understand was simply the length of time it takes for envy to get dressed up as entitlement.

No one came to pick up the bag.

So I did.

If I was asked about it, I had prepared my alibi while I was pretending to read the airport signs and like many such alibis, its birthplace was guilt and its final resting place would be credence.

A cleaning lady passed by as I scooped it off the carousel. "I’ve been wondering whose bag that was," she said. “Yes, I forgot it earlier,” I lied. Somewhere in the small, tired part of me that still kept score, I knew that needlessly lying to an underpaid cleaning lady at a regional airport at eight o’clock at night was not, on the great ledger, my finest hour.

I opened the bag on the train home, alone in the carriage, the way a man opens a letter he already suspects is bad news but reads anyway, because not knowing is somehow even worse.

Inside was a neatly folded note on top of a piece of cloth under which was something I can only describe, with surprise bordering on maniacal fear, as movement.

The note read: Thank you for taking care of him. Please do not take him out until you are in a safe environment.

I did not open the bag again.

I carried it off the train holding it a little way from my body, the way you carry something that could at any moment remind you why you shouldn't have picked it up in the first place. I deposited it, gently and discreetly, on a wooden bench, under a sign that read, not unhelpfully, Unattended Items Will Be Collected.

I took comfort by telling myself that this is what the owner would have wanted.


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

The Little Girl Who Just Wanted to Be Loved (Chapter - 1)

1 Upvotes

The story of a girl who spent her whole life wondering if she was ever enough.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who didn't understand why the world seemed to dislike her so much.

She wasn't born wanting to be different. She wasn't born wanting attention, nor did she know how to be the kind of girl everyone seemed to like. She was just a child, trying to understand a world that never seemed to understand her.

Since childhood, her body had given her reasons to worry.

Health issues became a part of her life before she was even old enough to understand what it meant to be unwell. While other children were busy enjoying their childhood, she was already learning what it felt like to be different. But being physically unwell wasn't the hardest part.

The hardest part was discovering that people could be cruel to a child for things she had never chosen.

At school, she was bullied for her appearance, her behaviour, the way she spoke, and the things she did without understanding why they seemed so strange to everyone else. In an all-girls school, where she should have found friendship, belonging, and the comfort of growing up alongside other girls, she found herself becoming the subject of ridicule.

People called her abnormal.

Some were children who didn't know the weight of their words. Others were adults who should have known better. Even teachers, the very people who were supposed to protect her, sometimes became part of the reason she felt so small.

She struggled with social anxiety, ADHD, autism, carrying experiences and difficulties that made navigating the world even harder. She didn't always understand social situations. She didn't always know why people reacted to her the way they did. Sometimes, she couldn't understand what she had done wrong.

She would look at other children and wonder what they knew that she didn't.

Why could they make friends so easily?

Why did people laugh when she spoke?

Why was her way of behaving considered strange?

Why did being herself seem to bother everyone?

She had a thousand questions and so few answers.

And perhaps the saddest thing about that little girl was that she didn't hate the people who hurt her.

She was afraid of them, yes. She cried because of them. Their words stayed with her long after the laughter had faded.

But somewhere inside her innocent little heart, she still wanted to be their friend. She thought that perhaps if she tried a little harder, smiled a little more, spoke a little differently, or became a little more like them, they might finally accept her.

She didn't understand that she was trying to earn something she should never have had to earn in the first place: basic kindness.

When her family tried to protect her, she felt embarrassed.

Not because she didn't want protection, but because she wanted acceptance more. She didn't want people to know that someone had to defend her. She didn't want to be the girl everyone pitied. She wanted to walk into a room and be welcomed without anyone having to ask others to be nice to her.

She wanted friends who chose her naturally.

She wanted to belong.

She wanted, more than anything, to feel normal.

But how could a little girl feel normal when the world kept reminding her that she wasn't?


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

Hello Everyone! [feedback much appreciated]

2 Upvotes

I am new to this subreddit and I was looking for advice on how I can improve...

my goal is not at all to become a serious writer, just to be able to translate my feelings into words and perhaps invoke feelings in other people too?

I wrote this about forgetting all the things that made child me, me. I apologize in advance for the slightly cringe structure... however any feedback is greatly appreciated. thanks so much

The Graveyard

 “Keep on going, never give up” reads the message etched on the cover of a red book. Inside the pages, under mountains of dust, lies my bestie's note, random school doodles, the annotated tag from a birthday gift; Two blank pages carry the weight of everyone I've ever loved, the mere ink that remains from the words of people I once saw every day. 

 The death of my best memories leaves a graveyard of connection.

 The pages are miscellaneous. First network fundamentals followed by go-to recipes then, after an interlude of random sketches and calligraphy song lyrics, the Hindi alphabet, materializing the desire for literacy and connection. Tucked away between grimy pages, forgotten, lies the heart of an eclectic, and the mind of an eccentric.

 The death of a plethora of passions leaves a graveyard of knowledge.

 A wobbly, rusted music stand, once shiny and new, holds a repertoire of scores. I trace my fingers over the pieces, revealing winding paths in the years. It reveals all my markings: the “gentle” reminders, the frustrated scribbles, the dynamic directions. Memories rush through, they're fond. The first time I shifted to third, my first double stop, the ‘proper’ vibrato after years of a pathetic wiggle all of which interrogated me in unison. After years of being forgotten, betrayed. As if they never existed.

 I skim through the Suzuki books, all neatly kept in a flip file I had lovingly decorated, volume 1, volume 2, and an incomplete volume 3. They preserve etudes and well-known rhymes, all of which I could once play with my eyes closed, all of which awarded me with new skills, all of which shaped me into the musician I am.

 well, was... 

A collection of triumphs and ovations, a collection of sorrows, and slip ups. The death of melodies leaves the graveyard of a performer.

 And I write this with google open in the next tab. Reminiscing upon when the words once flowed like gushing rivers of water, when my fingers recognized the keyboard like an old friend. Time has axed away at the diction of a once ‘poet’, time has forsaken the bond between fingers and keyboard, time has rendered a writer half literate, only able to read. A collection of abandoned pieces laments in google docs, deprived, robbed of an ending. Now the feelings behind them are long faded, like a friend you once knew, like a smell you once recognized. The death of poems and prose leaves the graveyard of a writer.

 Who thought a day like this would come? Where passions, ambitions and interests all gather dust. The once integral parts of us, the things that we once looked forward to after school and on weekends reduced to meaningless ornaments that sit and watch us, waiting to be noticed, waiting to be important, waiting to be seen.

 It is said that growing up is merely aging, but to me it was the death of my childhood self. It was the death of my hopes and dreams, of colours and light, of melody and diction. It was the greying of my soul. And it left behind a graveyard; the graveyard of love, the graveyard of joy, the graveyard of myself.


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

Writing advice?

0 Upvotes

It was a dusty and grey Arizona day
And my birthday was tomorrow
I remember this as I pass by the perfect girls in the bookstores entrance.
Their heavy vanilla air engulfing me
I briefly look up at the tallest one
She has long dark hair and a greasy pink lipgloss that reaches just barely above her top lip, It’s beautiful. I walk under the warm bright lights taking the place in. What looks like a father and a son are browsing the legos while a nutty looking girl with wired glasses pulls Dostoyevsky from a shelf.
It’s a strange day. I feel like it should be more than what it is so I resort to finding hidden meaning in the way a worker sorts a table of books or in what stickers another has on their name tag. But this doesn’t satisfy me for long so after idly browsing classics I had no interest in reading, I finally sat down on the closest wooden bench. What did girls normally do close to their birthday? Was there some significant feminine tradition I was unaware of?


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

This is a story I'm working on.Could I have help coming up with finding a backstory for Défilé Macabre?

1 Upvotes

Part 1

We had just moved to the house on Fraise Street. It was not unlike any other street in the French part of the city. We thought it was a nice sized house for Tim—my husband—and I to start a family.

     We formally moved into the house when I was four months pregnant. I couldn’t wait to be a mother. 

    A couple days before,we had some friends help us move the furniture in.The house seemed perfect at first. It was two stories,three bedrooms and two bathrooms. Tim decided to rent it because of the quaint den. He said he could see himself typing on his typewriter by the window. I could see it too with his brown eyes focused intently on his writing while every so often he’d run his fingers through his slick brown hair.I could seed us waltzing in the living room to a record together and I could see myself cooking in the kitchen.I didn't pay much attention to what the realtor said because I was so enamored with the house but Tim said “we'll take it”.

      Eventually these became our reality.Our first day in the house was nice and involved what we had envisioned. As soon as Tim got back from work, I put on my makeup and we drove to the house. Tim immediately went to type on his typewriter—he was an aspiring author and was working on a manuscript. I went out back to listen to the birds singing. About an hour later,Tim came out back,stood behind me,putting his hands on my shoulders”Come inside darling” he said”let's put on a record”. I stood up and followed him inside. 

      When we got to the phonograph,I looked for a record. I decided to put on something smooth. We danced gracefully through the entire song. 

      Afterwards,the sun was setting and it was time for dinner. I boiled fusilli while Tim read the newspaper. After fifteen minutes,the pasta was ready. I buttered it up and gave a plate to my husband before serving myself. During dinner we talked about his work.

     Then I went upstairs to brush my teeth. After brushing my teeth,I took a shower and then went to bed. It was hard falling asleep as it was a new house. Timmy on the other hand found it easy to fall asleep. 

      After what had seemed to be an hour I heard something—a fast \*tapping\* noise. I immediately sprung up.I got out of bed, opened the door and walked out of my room. I walked through the hallway and into another bedroom that had a window overlooking the street and I heard a \*honking\* noise accompanying the tapping. I pulled the curtains open and was taken aback.

      Marching down the street were skeletons playing drums! I was taken aback.Alongside the drumming I still heard the honking noise.I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming—the pinch hurt.Behind the skeletons playing drums came more skeletons. These skeletons were playing wind instruments. I saw trumpets,tubas and french horns getting played by the skeletons.The tune was eerie and offbeat.

      Then came horse skeletons,that had chains on them. The chains made a clanking cacophony. I soon saw that the skeletal horses with the chains on were pulling a giant float.On the float, I could see two figures—ballroom dancing on the float. Next to them—on the float— was a skeletal violin player who played along with the eerie tune.

    After the float passed by, I saw skeletal acrobats flipping away in pursuit of the rest of the procession. It felt as if I were dreaming but my pinch test indicated otherwise.The tune became more disordered the more I watched the bones rattling away to the music. My husband had to see this. 

   I ran back to our bedroom and woke Tim up.”Tim,wake up” I said to him as I jostled him awake.

   “What is it Clarice?” he asked in a confused manner.

   “There’s a parade of skeletons out front—come look”I said in a rushed voice.

   “What the hell are you yapping about?” he asked in a frustrated voice as he got out of bed slowly.I grabbed his hand and sort of pulled him along. I rushed him to the window overlooking the street and opened the curtains to see that the procession was no longer there..

   “That is so strange”I said”there’s no trace of the skeletons anywhere”

    My husband sighed”Darling,this is ridiculous” he said.”I’m concerned that you might be seeing things”

    “No way” I said”I’ve never had an issue with delusions before”

    “I know”he said”but this could be related to your pregnancy”

   I never considered having peripartum psychosis but I had no proof to say it was anything else.The skeleton procession seemed way to surreal so it could have just been a delusion.”Should we take a trip to the hospital?” I asked.

  “I think we should” he said.I followed him downstairs. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I opened the door to the closet underneath the staircase and got my coat. My husband opened the same door to pull out his coat. Then I walked to the front door and put on my shoes. Afterwards he put on his.I unlocked the door and opened it,then we stepped into the brisk night air.

   We shivered to the car before my husband unlocked the doors. As I got into the front passenger seat and closed the door I was less cold but I still had goosebumps from what I had just seen just a few minutes before. My husband started up the car and we drove off.My husband took a left as that was the direction to take towards the hospital.

  The drive was a simple drive. There was no trace of the skeleton parade on the way to the hospital—maybe it \*was\* just a hallucination.When we arrived at the hospital, I opened the car door—shivering into the night breeze.I waited for Tim to close his door and walk around the car to meet me.Tim and I walked up to the hospital door and my husband opened the door before I walked inside.

   “Hello ma’am” the secretary greeted me “what brings you here?” she asked.

  “Well,”I said “I had a hallucination”

   “Do you have a history of hallucinations?” the secretary asked.

   “Not to my knowledge” I told her truthfully. 

   “When did this happen? she asked in a concerned tone of voice.

   “Just this night,maybe—20 minutes ago” I said.

  “What is your name?” she asked.

  “Clarice Margot Hawkins” I told her.

  “Okay” the secretary said “You can take a seat in the waiting room—the doctor will be seeing you shortly. Timmy and I walked over to the chairs and we took our seats. 

  After watching the clock for seven minutes,the door opened “Clarice Hawkins?” A nurse called out.Tim and I stood up and approached her. The nurse closed the door behind us “Follow me” she said. We followed her down the hall as her heels clacked against the tile floor. She then positioned her hand out towards room 12. We walked in to see the gown on the gurney. “The psychiatrist will be in shortly” she said before closing the curtains. I stripped down and got into the gown.

       I then looked at the clock,seeing four minutes pass by until the curtain opened to reveal a man with salt and pepper hair,beard and mustache.”Hello Mrs. Hawkins”.A gray haired woman with a board clip and a mask walked in after him”I’m Dr. Stanton and this is my scribe Katherine”he said “so what seems to be the problem.” he asked. 

      “Well” I said “my husband Tim and I just moved into our new house yesterday” Dr. Stanton got the stool next to him and sat down on it.

      “I see” he said as he looked back at me, his hand grasping his chin and his elbow on his knees.

        I continued. “The day was very calm” I said “Timmy typed his story as I sat outside. Then he brought me in for us to dance. Later we had dinner, I brushed my teeth,showered and then we went to bed.”I looked to Katherine who was writing away on a piece of paper.

   “Then,after trying to sleep I heard a noise” I said. I went to investigate. Out of the window I saw skeletons — with instruments!”

   The doctor opened his eyes wider as his pupils shrunk“Wait a minute” the doctor said “Are you four months pregnant?

   “Yes I am!” I yelled. 

   The doctor leaned forward “Is your house on Fraise Street?” This question was unnerving.

  “W-why yes,it is” I replied.

  Dr. Stanton put his hands over his eyes and shook his head.”I’m sorry Mrs. Hawkins,but I don’t think you’re dealing with psychosis.”

   This sent shivers down my spine.”Are-are you claiming that I didn’t hallucinate the skeleton parade?”I asked as Katherine stopped writing.

  “Well Mrs. Hawkins”,he said”there's someone you should discuss this with”

   I looked over to Katherine who looked at the doctor confused.”Dr.Stanton,what are you talking about?”she asked.

   “It’s difficult to explain, Katherine, but this is the fourth time I’ve heard a story similar to this.”Dr.Stanton said in a raspy voice.I looked over to Timmy.

    “This—can’t be true”Timmy said wide eyed.

    “I get where you’re coming from Mr. Hawkins,”Dr.Stanton said” I couldn’t believe the first patient who told me what they had seen but there’s help for this—and it’s not the psychiatric kind”

     “Who are you referring to?” Clarice asked.

      “I’m referring to—a historian.”Dr.Stanton said,”Katherine,write down this number:555-555-1313”Katherine wrote on her piece of paper.Dr.Stanton then stood up and looked at the board clip “Give me that” Dr. Stanton demanded. After she gave him the board clip, he ripped a piece of paper off and gave it to me”Mrs. Hawkins,I wish I could be of more help,but at least you have Dr. Rousseau to help you”       

      I looked at the piece of paper”Thank you Dr. Stanton” I said.

      “You are very welcome Mrs. Hawkins”Dr. Stanton said”now get out of that robe and into your regular clothes,we will be waiting by the door”he and Katherine left the room.I could hear Katherine talking in a worried and doubtful voice out of the room as I took off my robe.The doctor was replying back in a hushed but reassuring voice.I then put my regular clothes on before telling Timmy we should leave.

      As we walked out of the door where Dr. Stanton and Katherine were,they started walking back to the waiting room so we followed them. Dr. Stanton opened the door and we said our goodbyes.Timmy and I then walked outside,with the piece of paper in my hand.

      As I got in the car I felt as if I were dreaming. Nothing seemingly paranormal happened on our drive back home but I was in shock.

      When we got back home I still had goosebumps. As soon as Timmy opened the door I pushed inside past him and immediately ran to the telephone.I turned on the kitchen light, I looked at the number and moved my finger around the rotary dial:1-555-555-1313.I picked up the handset and put it to my ear.Then I heard a voice”Hello”

      “Hello”I replied”Is this Dr.Roudeau?Rouneau?”

       “I’m Dr. Jeanette Rousseau.”she said.

       “Well,my name is Clarice Hawkins.”I said.”I’m four months pregnant,married to my husband Timmy and I saw something very interesting.”

       “Yes?”she asked in a way that implied she knew what I was about to say.

       “Well”I replied”As I was trying to sleep tonight I woke up and went to the window to check out a fast tapping noise.It was there that I saw a parade of skeletons marching and playing music on the street before me, I”

       “Is your house on Fraise street?” she asked.

        Dr. Rousseau cleared her throat”Have you ever heard of Danse Macabre?”she asked me.

        “Y-yes,I remember what that is” I replied.

        “My goosebumps multiplied”Yes!”

       “Well Clarice what you just saw is called \*Defile Macabre,\* which is based on Danse Macabre”

        “Dance of death right?So it represents how death is widespread?” I asked.

        “Yes,exactly”Dr.Rousseau said.”so \*Defile Macabre\* loosely translates to ‘procession of death‘ and I must warn you,every woman who witnesses the Defile Macabre,suffers a miscarriage.”

        This sent shivers down my spine and brought tears to my eyes”H-how d-did this start?”

        “I’m sorry Clarice but it’s late now”Dr.Rousseau said.”Can I come over to see you tomorrow?” 

        “Yes,you can”I said “do you have a pencil nearby?”

         “Yes, I have one right here” she said”can you tell me your address?”I gave her my address and we said good night to each other.

         I went to my bedroom and laid down next to Timmy in our bed.It must have been hours before I got to sleep.

         As I slept I had a nightmare. In the nightmare, I was in the front yard.I walked up to the front door which was locked.Then,I heard the music—if you could even call it that.I then turned around to see the Défilé macabre marching down the road.This time—instead of it going past the house,it turned towards me.I ran to the window, climbed on the bush and rammed against it—then the dream ended and I woke up.

         After that I found it hard to sleep. That's when I went to the medicine cabinet and found some  bromide salts. I took them and it knocked me out. I don't remember the dreams I had until I woke up around 8:20 in the morning. When I woke up I was hungry. I decided to cook myself some bacon. After I finished the bacon I put the plate in the sink and heard the doorbell ring. I rushed to the door.

         As I opened the door,I saw a read headed woman with a black dress,black leather shoes,red purse and black stockings turned around”Dr. Rousseau?” I asked. She turned around .

       “Hello Clarice” she said with a touch of frenchiness to her voice”would you allow me to come in?” I found it interesting that she didn't ask me \*if\* I was Clarice —she just assumed and walked right in.

      “Of course “ I said as I opened the door wider.

     “Merci” she said as she walked through the door.

     “Follow me,” I said as I walked her to the living room. She sat down on the leather couch and crossed her stocking legs. She picked up her pale hand with red polished nails and twirled her left pointer finger in her dark orange locks. I went to sit down in the chair catty cornered to her as she turned her pale face towards me.

      “So,” she said”should I tell you the backstory of the \*Défilé Macabre\*?”

      “Yes” I said as I nodded”I've been waiting all night to hear about why this \*thing\* came to be!”

    “Well,” Dr. Rousseau said ,”could I give you some pieces of paper telling you the backstory instead? I'm not confident in my English enough to talk about it”

     “Sure,” I replied. 

       She stopped twirling her hair and opened up her red leather purse. She searched in her purse frantically for about a minute but nothing turned up.

        “It might be in my car,” she said,let me get up and look. She then stood up, left the room,walked through the hall,opened the door  and walked outside—presumably to her car.I heard a door slamming and footsteps coming up to the door. She opened it.”Here it is,” she said. “A history of \*Défilé Macabre.”\*

        “Thank you,” I said.

        “Uh,Clarice,” she said.

         “Yes?,” I replied.

         “I haven't had breakfast,” she said,”do you have anything I could eat?” She asked.

        “Sure,” I said. There are some Bananas on the dining table—help yourself”

        I then sat down on the couch and started reading. This is what I read:



        \*The Défilé Macabre has a very intricate history.It has exclusively affected pregnant,middle-class or well-to-do white women for the past 120 years or so on what is now Fraise Street. As of 1921, 17 women have seen it pass by their windows at night. Every single one of them has had a miscarriage.\*

     Reading this sent a chill down my spine. This paper was only apparently written last year. I wondered how 17 pregnant women could have lived on Fraise street over the past 120 years. I returned to reading: 

      \*Le Danse Macabre has a murky history. It is thought to have popped up during the medieval times. More specifically, it seems to have appeared in response to the bubonic plague pandemics or the ‘Black death'.\*

     \*Le Danse Macabre had appeared in both poetry and illustrations throughout the Renaissance. Representations of Le Danse Macabre remind us that death can even affect those who don't think of mortality much.\*

   I thought about mortality when the Spanish flu hit—and more so when I was infected,but ever since meeting Tim in 1920,I hadn't thought about it. I continued reading:

r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

Fiction Title: [Feedback] 4 Core Character War Cries from my Dark Shonen universe (VALDEA) — Which one hits the hardest?

1 Upvotes

Post Body:

Hey everyone,

I’ve been writing an original dark shonen / action-fantasy story called VALDEA, centered around ancient broken pacts, fallen cosmic guardians, and ruthless ideological clashes.

Here are the signature confrontation lines for my 4 main characters. I’d love to know which character's presence and delivery gives you the strongest chills!

  1. ⚔️ HUSSAIN — Kaali Dhaal & Nafrat Ki Talwar

(The Fallen 4th Guardian: Betrayed by the gods, standing with a shattered shield and nothing left to lose)

"Kaanp uthegi dharti jab haath mein aayegi yeh kaali dhaal,

Mera ek-ek kadam ab banega is zamane ke liye kaal!

Dosti ko tyag kar uthayi thi maine nafrat ki wo talwar,

Valdea ke badalon par aaj bhi taaza hai MERA har ek vaar!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

(The earth will tremble when this black shield locks into my grip,

Every single stride of mine will become the doom of this era!

Casting aside friendship, I drew this blade of pure wrath,

Upon the storm-clouds of Valdea, every single strike of MINE still burns fresh!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!)

  1. ⚡ HYPER — Jung Ka Elaan

(The Young Prodigy: A 14-year-old warrior holding onto brotherhood and pure fire in a world consumed by bloodshed)

"Nafrat ko karunga tyag...

Badhaunga main dosti ka haath...

Jalake apni dil ki aag...

Bataunga kiska waar hai taaza aur tez dhaar!

YEH HAI... JUNG KA ELAAN!"

(I shall renounce hatred to extend the hand of brotherhood...

Igniting the unrelenting fire within my chest...

I will prove whose strike cuts the freshest and the deepest!

THIS IS... MY DECLARATION OF WAR!)

  1. 🩸 SYREX — The Vampire Emperor

(The Ruthless King: An emperor who watched his kingdom burn, marching to settle a blood-debt)

"Khoon ke badle khoon mangegi yeh kaali raat,

Khatm karunga wahi se jahan se shuru hui thi yeh baat!

Banke ek vampire... khada kiya hai ye EMPIRE!

Na dosti ki aag bachegi, na chalegi kisi ki dhaal,

Syrex ke kadam jahan padenge, wahi likha jayega sabka kaal!"

(Blood for blood shall this black night demand,

I will tear it all down right where this bloodline began!

Rising as a vampire... I forged this entire EMPIRE!

Neither the flame of friendship will survive, nor any shield stand tall,

Wherever Syrex sets foot, the demise of all shall be carved!)

  1. 🔥 LUCIFER THE FIRE — The Return of Kaal

(The Ancient Demon: Clawing his way back from the grave to butcher the one who sealed him in history)

"Khoon se likha jo tune mera itihas,

Usi khoon ki ban ke laash...

Phaad ke panne, tode bandhan,

Laut ke aaya tera kaal!

Taaza tha tera waar agar,

Toh zinda khada hai tera shikaar idhar!

Na bachega Hussain, na bachega Empire...

Khamoshi cheer ke aag lagane aaya,

LUCIFER THE FIRE!"

(The history you carved in my own blood,

Rising as a vengeful corpse from that very gore...

Tearing through the parchment, shattering every chain,

Your doom has clawed its way back!

If your strike was fresh back then,

Then standing right before you is your living prey!

Neither Hussain shall draw breath, nor the Empire stand...

Ripping through the silence to ignite the pyre:

LUCIFER THE FIRE!)

Which character's energy and delivery grabs you the most? Drop your thoughts below!


r/WritersGroup • • 4d ago

Fiction 400-word horror flash piece

3 Upvotes

I am mostly looking for feedback on whether the horror and scare elements are hitting.

"If you don't open the door, they can't get in," That was the rule carved above the broken mantle in what could charitably be called a farmhouse. Dry, brittle crops surround the building, wilting in the sun's amber light. "I wonder whose trial and error it was that taught that lesson," Will it be my turn to learn soon?

My shoulder burns as I crank the old iron pump in the middle of the room, sweat coats my body. I purse my lips at the effort of achieving a few more drops before the day's end when the well ceases to produce any more water until the morning. I squint up at where you sit, silhouetted in the window by the last of the sun's light. Empty eyes staring through my attempt at humor, it stings more than I care to admit. Intermittent drops of water accompany the syncopated tapping of my heel. Time for a final pump remains. I flinch at the prospect in the face of my exhaustion.

Lifting the handle is the most difficult step. "I sense your judgement in your posture," I say as you slouch forward at my sad attempt at perseverance and conversation, straining as I lift. "So long as a drop remains so shall I," I declare. With the lever raised I place both hands upon it and allow my weight to force it down towards the Earth in a pitiable triumph undercut by the absence of the anticipated final drop of the day. Bent and sighing I peer at you sitting across the room and try to meet your head's amused tilt with a dignity that scarcely exists.

The final rays of the day drip into the room. Taking the light but leaving the heat, the horizon swallows the sun. I feel my skin begin to itch in anticipation of what comes next. The darkness is total and undeniable once present, only my memory of the space allows me to navigate it. The scuttling of too many feet scampers outside the walls shorting out my frayed nerves. While the day saps the life from your body, the night does the same to your mind in this place. A rat-tat-tat-tat-tat bounces from the direction of the door.

“Cheers,” I declare to your skeleton as I arduously lift the too light pail to my lips.

It tastes metallic, bitter, and dirty.


r/WritersGroup • • 4d ago

Other Advice please

1 Upvotes

Hi I’m very new to this stuff don’t really write. I lowkey have a learning disability involving it so I don’t really do the regular writting so I’ve been doing I guess rap and adjacent writing and just wanted some feedback.

Man in the mirror
Sometimes it feels like I’m staring inna fractured mirror
Warped perspective like I hammered back a thousand beers
Now when I take a peek all I see’s a grown man with a thousand yard stare
We got matching scars yet he seems somehow unfamiliar

I recognize the fear though admittedly he’s better at hiding it than I was
Fear never really disappears though you’ll still flinch
at every hand that comes near you
Only thing you can do is dress up distress till your loving
family and friends can’t no longer detect it
Not so good at hiding fatigue though eye bags from sleepless nights
Hard to hide those especially in bathroom lighting
Fatigues as deep seated as deceit is my minds ripe with these diseases

Trained my whole life to make sure nobody would see em
Built up lead curtains not even Superman’s x-ray vision could peep through em
Now I’m secluded connection has never felt so illusive
I know where the gaps are but this mirror seems to shield them
Maybe that’s why this stranger is so unidentifiable
Maybe my memory is just yet again unreliable
Maybe it’s my anxiety
Maybe just another trial gods getting off too
Why is he so old feels like hardly a day away I was fleeing another ass beating during recess
Never could quite manage to get away always ended the same no matter what I’d say
Kids had no courtesy remember one day I was
Begging the bullies please just not in the face on the counna tomorrows picture day
They hit me anyway came home with a fat lip n a bruise under my left eye

As I reminisce the man in the mirror grows only more familiar
My history is his explanation it’s funny though he almost looks like he wants to say something
I guess we’re both to strained to say it or maybe pain just keeps it at bay
Maybe the years of restraint make the flood gates nearly unbreakable

Sometimes I envy those who can play their tiny violins
While I grew acclimatized to all this violence
My two fists became the instrument
Like I was playing a theremin when I look at him his fists are balled too but knuckles with no bruises
Looks like physical stature caught up used to wish I’d be as big as my old man
That way no man would make me ever feel helpless again
Maybe he’s living proof some wishes come true he’s also proof
the past will always haunt you

seemingly got alot to live for I’ve grown up have the body id always wished for
But eyes don’t lie that tiny spark is gone somewhere in the frenzy
that final bitta hope must’ve up and just left us that’s one thing I can’t envy
Never convince yourself hope is the enemy the end of a rope never gets closer
maybe I really am him
If that’s the case his restraint is in my hands
So maybe it’s just time that I said it

We didn’t deserve the live grenade we were handed at 8
Dad was throwing grown man’s temper tantrums that doesn’t excuse his child abuse
However mom deserved a lot better
And it’s okay to still ache cause of it
They say you can’t fix a broken mirror but I just put my reflection back together


r/WritersGroup • • 4d ago

Ⅰ. The Weight Of The Dead (Feedback/Thoughts) Please

1 Upvotes

Dr. Elias Voss

“There exists a peculiar cruelty in the conscience of man: it demands repentance long after it has forgotten the crime”

Dr. Elias Voss had never considered himself an innocent man. Innocence, he believed, was merely the privilege of those who had not yet been made to remember. There were, of course, certain inconsistencies in this conviction. He could recall no crime sufficiently monstrous to warrant the peculiar anguish that accompanied his every waking hour, nor could he identify the precise moment at which his existence had become an exercise in perpetual atonement. Nevertheless, the absence of evidence had never persuaded him of his innocence. On the contrary, he regarded it as perhaps the most damning evidence of all.

For what was forgetfulness, if not the final refuge of the guilty?

He had often contemplated whether remorse preceded wrongdoing or whether wrongdoing merely furnished remorse with an object upon which to fasten itself. The distinction, though apparently trivial, had come to occupy him with an almost pathological intensity. If a man suffered for a crime he could not remember, was his suffering proof of guilt? And if the crime had never occurred, what, precisely, had he been punished for?

Such questions ordinarily visited him in the hours preceding dawn, when the distinction between memory and imagination became sufficiently tenuous that he could no longer determine which of the two had first betrayed him.

Dr. Elias Voss had long regarded affection as a peculiar form of human negligence. To love another was, in his estimation, to overlook the innumerable deficiencies of their character, to forgive what ought not to be forgiven, and to place one's happiness in the custody of another's inevitable failures.

It was for this reason that he had never understood his parents.

They were good people. This, Elias knew with a certainty that bordered on resentment. They had taken him into their modest Chicago home when he had been little more than a stranger, and had offered him a tenderness so unconditional that he came, in time, to regard it as an injustice. For what had he done to deserve such devotion? What conceivable virtue could he have possessed that warranted the affection of two people whose goodness so plainly exceeded his own?

He had spent much of his adult life attempting to answer these questions. Eventually, he arrived at the conclusion that there was no answer, and that their love was consequently a mistake.

His visits became infrequent. His telephone calls are shorter. He excused his absences with the demands of his profession, although he privately considered this explanation another small addition to the vast catalogue of his dishonesty.

He did not avoid his parents because he disliked their company. On the contrary, their presence was among the few things in the world capable of momentarily quieting the incessant accusations of his conscience. It was precisely this comfort that frightened him. He had come to believe that anything which afforded him happiness must eventually suffer for having done so.

And he could not bear the thought of making them suffer.

There was, of course, a considerable irony in the profession he had chosen.

Elias was a neurologist of considerable distinction, a man whose competence had earned him the admiration of colleagues and the gratitude of patients. He possessed an almost unnatural capacity for remaining composed in the presence of catastrophe. His diagnoses were precise, his judgment rarely questioned, and his professional reputation such that strangers occasionally traveled considerable distances merely to obtain his opinion.

He despised every aspect of it.

Medicine, to Elias, had never been a vocation in the ordinary sense. It was neither a passion nor an expression of some benevolent impulse toward mankind. Rather, it was a sentence he had imposed upon himself, an indefinite obligation to preserve lives in compensation for those he believed himself responsible for destroying.

He did not count the people he saved.

He counted the ones he could not.

And although the latter were comparatively few, they occupied a disproportionate portion of his existence.

It was shortly after seven in the morning when the telephone rang.

Elias regarded the instrument with an expression of mild apprehension. He had developed an instinctive aversion to telephone calls, having discovered that they seldom delivered anything which could not be postponed and frequently demanded emotional responses he felt incapable of providing.

Nevertheless, he answered.

"Dr. Voss speaking."

"Elias?"

He closed his eyes.

"Hello, Mother."

"Have you been eating properly?"

There was no greeting, no preliminary inquiry into the condition of his day. His mother had long since abandoned such formalities, having apparently concluded that her son's continued existence required more immediate verification.

"Yes, Mother."

"And sleeping?"

"When I can."

"That isn't an answer."

A silence followed.

He imagined her seated beside the kitchen window, one hand wrapped around the telephone cord, her expression arranged into that familiar mixture of tenderness and suspicion which he had come to recognize as maternal concern.

"Elias, are you all right?"

He glanced toward the window of his office. Chicago lay beneath a colorless morning sky, its buildings appearing almost indistinguishable through the pale October mist.

"I'm all right, Mom. I swear."

The lie emerged with such practiced ease that he scarcely recognized it as one.

For several years, Elias had entertained recurring thoughts of ending his life. He regarded death neither as a terror nor as a particularly unfortunate conclusion to his existence. On the contrary, he had sometimes imagined it as the only conceivable interruption to the relentless prosecution occurring within his own mind.

Yet whenever the thought approached something resembling a decision, he recoiled. Not from fear.

From the belief that death would constitute an undeserved acquittal.

A man who had committed an unforgivable offense, he reasoned, ought not to be permitted the luxury of escaping its consequences. To cease suffering would be to abandon the very punishment that made his continued existence tolerable.

And so he lived.

Not because he believed himself worthy of life, but because he believed himself unworthy of release.

"Elias?"

"Yes, Mother?"

"How has your memory been? Have you been taking your medicine? They told you consistency was important."

His fingers tightened almost imperceptibly around the receiver.

"My memory is perfectly fine."

"You said that last time."

"And I was correct last time."

"Your doctor said—"

"I am a doctor, Mother."

There was a brief pause.

"I know what you are, Elias."

Something in her voice troubled him.

It was not anger. Nor disappointment. It was the quiet exhaustion of someone who had spent years attempting to reach a person determined to remain inaccessible.

"Just promise me you're taking care of yourself."

"I promise."

He wondered whether his mother recognized the ease with which he manufactured these assurances, and whether she accepted them because she believed him or because she had grown weary of questioning him.

They exchanged a few more words, none of particular significance, and eventually said goodbye.

Elias hung the phone.

For some time, he remained motionless.

His life was strangely cruel, he thought, he was loved by those whose affection he could neither comprehend nor adequately return. Their goodness did not diminish his guilt. It magnified it. Every expression of concern became another obligation he was certain to disappoint.

On the morning of October seventeenth, however, such considerations were interrupted by the death of a child.

A hurried knock sounded against his office door.

"Dr. Voss?"

He turned.

A young nurse stood in the doorway, her face pale, her breathing uneven.

"It's the boy. Benjamin."

Elias rose.

"What about him?"

"Dr. Clariss tried everything. There were complications, and—"

"What complications?"

"The malformation ruptured. Dr. Clariss took him into surgery, but the hemorrhage was extensive. They couldn't control the bleeding."

For several seconds Elias said nothing. 

"No."

The word escaped him with a strange, almost childish disbelief.

"No, I told Clariss to call me if his condition deteriorated. I specifically told him—"

"I'm sorry, Doctor."

"Why wasn't I informed?"

The nurse lowered her eyes.

Elias was already moving toward the door. Then he stopped, took a knee and covered his eyes. 

The boy was eight years old.

His name was Benjamin.

And Elias, who had never met him before that morning, would spend the remainder of his life believing he had murdered him. Along with many others.