r/WouldIBeTheAhole • u/Ok-Dingo6520 • 1d ago

AITAH if I pursue legal action against my ex to recover money they spent using my card to order Uber Eats daily for weeks?

Update : Spoke with a lawyer who is sending a letter requesting payment within so many days, and will be escalated if not received.

So a few weeks back I (36M) deleted my credit card from the Uber Eats account my partner (36F) uses. To cut to the chase the spending was too much. Around £30 a time almost every weekday.

I told her I couldn’t afford to be paying so much every month and would be deleting my card from the account.

A month later, I got my latest statement and noticed that she had re-added my card and there was a whole bunch of transactions to Uber Eats.

I checked the actual UE account and there’s pretty much McDonald’s orders every day of around £30 going back to the day after I had removed my card. Around £700 in transactions.

I told her that I expect to be transferred the entirety in time for the payment to be made on the 20th.

She said I was being unreasonable and that I could just pay the minimum payment.

For clarity, she works from home, I don’t. So, by the time I get back there’s no packaging/evidence to indicate any deliveries have been made.

So today is 20th, and the day I need to pay the bill.

Unfortunately, after a reminder text on Friday, I’ve still not been paid.

I’ve since asked her to leave as it’s my house and I’ll be returning there after work.

Her family reluctantly have agreed to let her stay there temporarily. Whether she goes there or elsewhere is anyone’s guess. There was already friction due to them wanting to hold an intervention over her lifestyle/weight which I posted about before.

I called to ask about reporting it but was pretty much told that due to lack of evidence that I restricted her using the card, it’ll be most likely considered a civil matter.

I did expect this tbh

I went back to the house this evening and changed the locks.

My main concern now is should I hire a lawyer to pursue this in a civil setting?

Her family/friends know the situation and are suggesting that I should, basically saying it’s the only way to make her take accountability for her choices/behaviour.

From what I’ve heard, small claim isn’t as expensive as people think.

And tbh I could use the money.

Just aware that it prolongs things and prevents me properly moving forward.

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17

u/Shot-Cod-6309 1d ago

Tell her small claims or the police

5

u/Ok-Dingo6520 1d ago

Well originally I asked her to repay by today or I’d report, and she hasn’t paid.

The problem is the police see it as a civil matter or else I’d go that route. Her own friends encouraged this earlier.

9

u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 1d ago

It was a civil matter when you first discovered it. It was theft, identity theft once you removed the card and told her not to do it again. File a police report. Dispute the charges with the credit company only from the dates after when you delete the card and she put it back with the proof that you removed your card and her access and told her she wasnt allowed to use it.

1

u/Ok-Dingo6520 1d ago

I did explain this but because I don’t have any proof that I told her not to use the card again it’s a bit harder to prove.

I did speak to the card company when I found out, but again I didn’t have much solid proof. Also I was worried that not paying it in time would impact myself so have paid it myself for now.

7

u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 1d ago

You need to request the proof from uber eats. They have when the card was deleted and re-added. You have text messages. They also have IP & MAC addresses from login devices. You can prove which ones are yours. The bill for disputed amounts are not due until the dispute is resolved. File the police report. Request the info & proof from UE. Provide them a police report if they ask. Submit the police report and proof to the credit company to dispute the charges.

3

u/StreetTailor7596 1d ago

Small claims court in the US is a fairly straightforward process and something that a reasonably well read individual can handle themselves without a lawyer in most jurisdictions. I have zero idea what that is like in your country. You can likely do some online searching to figure that out or ask a librarian for any books on the topic. Good luck!

By the way, replace your cards as well. You'll likely need to talk to the bank to make sure any new card doesn't end up on the UberEats account as well. I had that problem with vendors that have certain arrangements that give them automatic updates of the new card numbers.

1

u/Ok-Dingo6520 1d ago

Yeah, all the replacement cards are completely new, can’t auto update etc.

2

u/Viola-Swamp 23h ago

The police are full of crap. She committed fraud and theft by using your card without your permission.

2

u/winterworld561 17h ago

You do realise she committed fraud and theft right? Speak with a lawyer and definitely take legal action. Even her own friends are telling you to do it. Update us.

1

u/Ok-Dingo6520 12h ago

Had a call this morning. They are sending a letter with request to pay within so many days, and will escalate if not received.

1

u/winterworld561 11h ago

Good for you. My guess is she will try to ignore it, in which case she can have charges against her for theft and fraud.

5

u/SeriousRequirement14 1d ago

You knew what you have to do! It makes me so upset when people just take advantage of someone that's trying to be kind to them! Make her pay!

3

u/Ok-Dingo6520 23h ago

Thank you. I think that’s what’s been hardest to accept, realise.

I just feel like I was convenient.

I think back now and wish I’d listened more to her friends/family when they said she was taking advantage and how her greed was going to alienate her.

2

u/Sufficient-Wolf-1818 1d ago

You didn’t change the credit card number? Yikes! Reenforcement of your opinion she is an AH.

2

u/Ok-Dingo6520 1d ago

I’ve got all new cards and since changed the locks.

Just dunno whether trying to pursue legally will just bring me more stress or not.

1

u/Sufficient-Wolf-1818 1d ago

I’d take her to small claims court.

1

u/MuchDevelopment7084 23h ago

Go after her for your money. She's a thief, and should not be rewarded.

2

u/Dychnel 1d ago

If she’s adding the card without your ok, cancel it with the bank and get the police involved for fraud charges, otherwise just cancel the card as lost and move on. You’ll probably pay more in legal fees trying to recoup it.

1

u/VinylHighway 1d ago

Take her to small claims court

1

u/SaltySnail22 1d ago

Cancel the card. Have them send you a new one and tell them that those aren’t your charges

1

u/Ok-Dingo6520 1d ago

Yeah I had my replacements sent to the bank and collected.

1

u/No_Bluebird7716 1d ago

Small claims. Sorry, I know you didn't want that answer.

3

u/Ok-Dingo6520 1d ago

No need to apologise. I just worry all it does is bring more stress to me.

1

u/TeaDangerous1280 17h ago

It wont. Its a very simple process and she literally has no defence.

1

u/love_myself_321 23h ago

Why did you post this on 5 different subs? Karma farming much?

1

u/Jonathan-Welford 20h ago

Money claim on line. Dead cheap.

Can you speak with the card carrier and say you did not permit these transactions?

Also check your household insurance to see if you have legal cover to cover the costs.

Good call for changing the locks. Has she left anything behind in your house?

I hope this draws a line under this relationship with your toxic ex.

1

u/Football-Man-1889 20h ago

She knew exactly what she was doing when she fraudulently added the card back.

Sue!

1

u/Proper_Rush_9367 19h ago

How many times is this going to be reposted?

1

u/FutureVintaje88 18h ago

It's stressful to pursue in small claims if law is not your area, but go ahead if you have to. Don't expect success.

1

u/TeaDangerous1280 17h ago

Id try reporting to the police again seeing as she stole your card details and used your money. 

Failing that issuing a small claim is easy. You can do it online. 

https://www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money

She must be really fat if she is eating £30 of McDonald's at lunch daily. 

I hope you have also dumped her. You can never trust her again.

1

u/Tarot_Reader_Vee 12h ago

I'm going to say the same thing I say yesterday when you posted this in another AITA group, why would you even waste your time taking this person to court? You might win, but then you'll likely still have to fight to get your money back. A winning judgement doesn't equate to the person actually paying you back. Take this as a lesson learned to not give your partner access to your money unless you're on the same page.

1

u/Speedracer__17 11h ago

Jeez you've posted the same damn thing 15 times in the last 2 weeks. Stop karma farming...

1

u/Imaginary_Love_2188 7h ago

You need to take some responsibility for this mess. You know that your trust with her was compromised and should have requested a new card immediately.

1

u/Ok-Dingo6520 6h ago

I understand that and won’t deny that.

Everything has been replaced and all passwords/details changed.

I get though that I’ve basically been enabling her behaviour and people pleasing to avoid confrontation so am to blame.