r/WouldIBeTheAhole • u/Outrageous_Log8079 • 1d ago
WIBTA if I kicked my Mother in Law out?
To explain this situation, I need to give some context. Over a decade ago, my mother-in-law separated from her husband, who was stepdad to my husband. This was a significant moment for her and led to many changes in her life. She left her job and decided to retrain in complementary therapies like massage. Essentially, she was taking her life in a new direction. I think she felt she was being held back by her marriage and was excited to try new things. She travelled several times a year to exotic places and made physical changes, like getting dental work she’d always wanted and getting fitter.
Looking back, I’m beginning to think some of her choices were a bit reckless, especially regarding financial planning and saving for the future. When she and her husband separated, they sold their house and split the money. I’m not sure how much it was, but I’m assuming it was tens of thousands.
Fast forward to summer 2025. She was living alone in a rented house and struggling to pay rent. The money from the house sale had long gone. She was working part-time and also started a degree. She was also trying to set up her own business as a complementary therapist. Due to financial difficulties, she ended up working for her landlord in his local business in exchange for rent. My husband and I felt this was a bad situation and worried about her being exploited.
We suggested she move in with us for a while so she could focus on her business without the pressure of expensive rent and bills. We agreed she’d pay £50 a week to cover the cost of an extra person. We didn’t set any specific dates but my husband and I both felt after six to twelve months she’d be in a better financial position and could find somewhere else. Looking back, we realise that was a bit naive.
After six months, things started to get difficult. We’re all quite messy and the extra person made the house feel disorganised. There were also problems with the bathroom (we only have one) and other facilities like the washing machine and dryer. She uses lots of sheets and towels as a massage therapist and they were often in the wash when I needed them.
These were small annoyances but they added up.
My mother-in-law is a kind person and would cook dinner but her schedule changed all the time so we never got into a routine. With a child in the house, we needed more structure so we’d often end up cooking and eating early only to have her text ten minutes before coming home saying she was bringing dinner. This was typical of her and she didn’t like making plans in advance. Instead of a family member, we developed a good routine with her; it was more like having a lodger who came and went at random times.
Time marched on and we realised it had been nearly a year since she moved in. My husband cautiously approached his mum, asking about her finances and whether she’d managed to save or clear debts. She was evasive, providing few details. We’d noticed she was getting a lot of packages and frequently going out to the theatre and dinners with friends. While we didn’t begrudge her these enjoyable experiences, we were also concerned she wasn’t saving anything to help her live independently again.
Then I overheard her planning a holiday with my sister-in-law, which annoyed me. I felt we’d been incredibly generous, making compromises in our home and routines for her, yet she was simply spending her money on her whims without the constraints of high rent and bills. I started feeling quite used.
I discussed this with my husband, who agreed to speak to her. She expressed her dislike for making plans and re-engaging in the ‘rat race’, which wasn’t how she wanted to live. This angered me, as both my husband and I work full-time in challenging jobs and are planning for our daughter’s future. I felt we shouldn’t have to house my MIL indefinitely while she enjoyed all the benefits of our home and stability without contributing or saving for her own future.
I sat down with her and my husband, explaining clearly that when she moved in, we assumed she’d need a few months to recover. We needed the space back for ourselves and our daughter and believed the current arrangement couldn’t continue for another six to twelve months. She mentioned she had a friend who could move in with her, but she didn’t want to move there as it was further from her job and business. However, she understood we needed our space back.
She agreed to move out by the end of October.
We’re now approaching the end of October, and predictably, she hasn’t made any plans to move and has requested more time.
So, WIBTA if I evicted her if she hasn’t left by mid-November?
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u/ImpertinentPrincess 1d ago
YWNBTA but make sure you check to see what the formal eviction process is and do everything legally. Also ensure your husband is on board before you do it.
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u/No-Syllabub-7337 1d ago
Tell her "We are not your parents and we will no longer take care of you like you're one of our kids. You were supposed to be saving to continue on with your life. You have until December 1st to be in your own new place. We love you!"
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u/Glyphwind 19h ago
She agreed to move out by the end of October.
You just want her to stay, don't you...
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u/Outrageous_Log8079 11h ago
I like this wording. I has felt like she’s our 20something child who won’t move out, when in reality she’s in her late 50s and should be better able to look after herself, or at least recognise the impact on others
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u/MundaneCoWorker 1d ago
This is territory for your husband. Not you. He needs to address this.
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u/Outrageous_Log8079 11h ago
I agree, I’m so uncomfortable raising the issue with her. Although we do have a good relationship it’s hard to broach difficult stuff with in laws.
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u/No_Count_5949 1d ago
It sounds like you’re closer than you were so that’s positive. Is there any other family member who could help? It’s unfortunate but once it started it’s now going to be hard to turn it around. Just keep pushing, it will happen.
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u/Outrageous_Log8079 11h ago
The friend she can move in with is like family, they’ve known each other since school and are very close. She has two other children but I don’t think they’d be willing to have her. I also feel she should start taking responsibility for her financial situation and stop leeching off her children.
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u/Outrageous_Log8079 11h ago
I also forgot to add, she also just went on a 10 day holiday to Italy. This made my blood boil as the cost of this holiday could have covered a rental deposit or a few weeks or even months of rent.
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u/ExpensiveCandy6266 1d ago
YOU should not be doing anything aside from communicating with your husband and coming to an agreement regarding this together. HE should be addressing and delivering that agreement to his mom.