r/WouldIBeTheAhole • u/AppropriateWealth711 • 2d ago
WIBTA if I declined my MILs $600 Venmo request and got a hotel after she put us in the bunk room with 7 kids?
My husband’s parents rented a lake house for Thanksgiving this year for the whole family and they’re splitting the cost evenly between all their kids. On Friday every couple got a Venmo request from my MIL for $600 with “LAKE HOUSE 🦃” in the memo and ours is sitting there unpaid.
The next day she texted everybody a photo of a floor plan she drew on a notepad, with all of our names written in the rooms. His parents are in the master and each of his siblings and their spouse gets a bedroom. Our names are in the bunk room in the basement with ALL of the grandkids, the youngest is 4. There are bunk beds on every wall plus a trundle so it works out to exactly enough beds if we take the last ones, and my husband is way too tall to sleep in a bunk bed.
We don’t have kids yet, which I’m assuming is the whole reason. My husband called his mom on Sunday to see about swapping with somebody or at least paying less for that room. She told him “you guys are the fun ones, the kids are so excited” and that the rooms are already figured out.
It’s the same amount for every couple no matter what room they’re in. There is a hotel right outside town that’s $560 for the same nights, with a door that locks and a bed my husband actually fits in, so my plan is to decline her request and book that instead. We’d be at the house all day for every meal and I’d bring the pies like I do every year.
The only thing stopping me is that if we don’t pay, his siblings have to cover our part, which comes out to $200 more each, and my MIL already put the deposit on her card back in September.
WIBTA?
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u/astrotekk 2d ago
LOL. NTA. Your husband's siblings should cover your part, since their children will be staying in the room they wanted you to pay for. No way I would go for that. Hotel or stay home
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u/MzTweety66 2d ago
yep! The siblings should be paying to include a percentage for each child. Even at the $600, OP doesn't have a child so is overpaying. Why are they paying the same amount as the others who DO have children?
I vote hotel.
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u/cefriano 2d ago
Yeah why would not having kids be the reason they don't get their own room if the kids aren't staying in the rooms with their parents? That makes no sense.
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u/Gonehome2bed 2d ago
Agree. The cost should be split per person and those with kids should be paying more for their kids to have a bed. Otherwise every couple gets a room and kids have to sleep in their parents rooms.
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u/nannylive 2d ago edited 1d ago
Grandmamma here. Personally, we never expect/allow our adult kids to chip in financially for vacations we plan and invite them on, and all adult couples get private rooms.
The siblings should always have had to pay more than you, because they are getting a private room per couple plus bunk room for their kids. You getting a room elsewhere for yourselves and being taken out of the equation makes everything much more fair.
Some advice. 1.Book a refundable room. If you get pushback or snark, you might prefer to change locations for that time or even to stay home.
Remind yourselves that while it might be a bit painful in the moment to stand up for yourselves, it will set the stage for how you will be treated at future holidays. Consider it an investment.
Send all communications in the group texts so that everyone can see your perspective if they open their eyes.
"I understand that while the rest of the family might still see us as kids, we are not. Neither are we interested in managing a dormitory full of children on a different floor from their parents each night of a vacation We are a married couple who need privacy, and adults who will need a full sized bed. Since the place reserved does not have enough rooms to accommodate us, we have booked a hotel room nearby instead of chipping in for the house. We still plan to chip in for groceries, bring the pies and be with everyone during the day most days. This is not up for discussion. We understand that the rest of you will have to pay more than originally planned, but if you look at it from our point of view while looking at the floor plan you will see that what we are doing is fair. We look forward to seeing you all in November."
OP, you muddied the water by originally offering to put up with it if you paid less, so take that off the table and stick you your guns. Some one will offer to be a martyr and take the basement room. Don't accept. Keep that hotel room. Mom may cuss or cry, someone will call you unfair. That's ok as an initial reaction. Ignore. Don't explain further. You are making a point that will be a great investment for future holidays.
If the pushback lasts more than a week. I'd make different plans for Thanksgiving.
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u/WhatIsHerJob-TABLES 2d ago
I agree with everything you said. I personally would tweak this one sentence though:
and all adult couples get private rooms.
I don’t need to be in a relationship to deserve my own room. I’m in my late 30s and have been happily single for 15 years now. I always get offered “the couch” or some shitty arrangement because i don’t have a spouse in my family.
One doesn’t need a spouse to be given basic respect in these matters.
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u/ShameAmbitious4098 1d ago
Well said!
Edit : From a man married for close to 4 decades who values my privacy and alone time when traveling without my wife.
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u/AssociationDry73 1d ago
I get what you’re saying but that’s irrelevant to them as they are all in relationships. There’s no reason for them to say otherwise. So not sure why they would need to tweak the statement.
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u/mteach44 1d ago
Are grandparents paying for any portion of the house? Do you even know the real rate? How many children are we talking about?
I am sure the grandparents will fit in those bunks. Problem solved.
Your mother is disrespectful of both of you. She should have gotten a house that accommodates both of you with a private room.
Forget the privacy, it is your sleep that will be lacking. I do not know the age range of the children, but are some of them young?Remember all of them are sleeping in an unfamiliar place. Some maybe frightened during the night. Some will be noisy sleepers, all will likely need the bathroom right after you fall asleep.
Are you expected to clean up urine or vomit? Change the linen. Clean the kid? Put the linen in the washing machine so that the room doesn’t smell. An hour later he does it again? It is always a possibility.
The parents’ will not monitor what the kids consume. At least one of the kids will he wound up from too much sugar. Any kids with ADHD?
The other kids may be very tired and get upset about the others disturbing their sleep.
Having to take them to the bathroom. They may be frightened to go to the bathroom alone.
Do not be fooled you are now the unpaid Nanny. You will be taking care of them during the night. Having your sleep interrupted. Go to the hotel if you want some sleep.
Are you going to have to go to bed when the kids do?
I hope you don’t have an allergy to mold? I could not and would not sleep in the basement. Bring your own carbon monoxide monitor. What type of heating is in the basement. Are walls finished?
Not sure if this is rustic or a
Regular house. But all burners/ heaters give off some carbon monoxide. If it is running put the monitor near the burner. Amounts may not be much for an adult but may harm the young one’s Lungs.
This is in addition to you not fitting on a standard twin mattress. Did you know there is a bunk mattress.What was your mother thinking? Certainly not about the dangers of basement sleeping.
Let each of the parents take a night watching the kids in the basement or let the kids sleep in the parents room in sleeping bags on air mattresses.You of course are in the hotel?
I think you should give it a hard no. Hotel only.
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u/lilabiber 2d ago
Brilliant - I would suggest just one edit: "but if you look at it from our point of you while looking at the floor plan you will see that what we are doing is
fair.reasonable."I always avoid the word "fair" because it's too vague and open to interpretation. But reasonable. Something might not even seem "fair" to everyone but it would still be reasonable.
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u/FelineSoLazy 2d ago
My friends tell their kids: a fair is where you get a balloon. Life isn’t fair
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u/itsfunhavingfun 1d ago
I would suggest one other edit. “ but if you look at it from our point of
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u/Forgotten-Sparrow 2d ago
You need to find or create a sub where you give exceptional advice from an IL/GP perspective.
I recently told my MIL that I wasn't up for a visit on a Sunday when her son, my DH, wasn't going to be there. DH even told me my response was way kinder than needed. She hasn't spoken to me since lol
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u/Party_Holiday514 2d ago
This also needs to come from the husband to his family, not OP
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u/Feeling_Abrocoma502 2d ago
hey grandma just a lurker here but wow really excellant advice. I am learning a lot on here about proper boundaries. thanks for your post and for taking the time to articulate all of that.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 2d ago
This! If you don't draw the boundary the first time it happens it will happen again and again and you will be angrier and angrier and it will be harder to establish that boundary. They need to draw that boundary now.
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u/Calm_Chest_3460 2d ago
I would even be cautious of someone being the martyr, I wouldn’t put it past them to volunteer so you’ll pay and show up then switch it around on the day of, when it’s likely too late for you to get a hotel room.
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u/schwerbherb 2d ago
So nice to see people who know how to articulate clear boundaries without feeding into any drama. Your suggestion is a great example of healthy communication.
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u/Much-Anything7149 1d ago
If I had a grandma who deliberated that much about family dynamics when I was growing up, I would, well, have more fond memories of Thanksgiving.
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u/Love_Bug_54 2d ago
I can’t tell if MIL is punishing you for not having children or hoping the experience will encourage you to “get busy” and start popping out babies! If the latter I don’t think she thought through how dealing with all of these kids every night will allow for the “get busy” part, at least during the trip. Either way, a hotel is a much better option.
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u/Patient_Meaning_2751 2d ago
Mil is looking for op to babysit the kids to give their parents “a break.” I would absolutely politely decline the “offer” and cheerfully say that this arrangement will ease the overcrowding while allowing OP and spouse much needed privacy during THEIR vacation.
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u/Ok-Wallaby-3840 2d ago
This. MIL should have checked with you guys first. Personally, I would go the hotel route, or one of the other couples swap with you.
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u/Impossible-Guard-409 2d ago edited 1d ago
No one will want to swap with OP and her husband. They want a break and MiL figured putting them in with the kids would give them that break.
OP, tell MiL your husband won't fit into a bunk bed, as she should know, so you'll be staying at the local hotel. No, you won't be paying anything for a cabin you won't be staying in, but you're happy to help with the food.
Tell MiL she decided to book the cabin without your input and wasn't considerate of her own son's need not to be in a bed in the fetal position to sleep.
If she gives you any flack, have a romantic Thanksgiving the two of you.
Edit: Thank you for the awards
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u/MommaGuy 2d ago
I don’t think I would stay even if someone offered to swap. MIL’s decision shows how little she cares.
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u/Viola-Swamp 2d ago
I wouldn’t go at all, and would enjoy a relaxed, inlaw-free holiday in my own home with my husband.
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u/stewpman 2d ago
There would be no nice reply put it straight to them no fluffy stuff . I not going myself out of respect for me and my misses and to top it off you pay the same as them who get a room . You should be able to tell family what you feel and how it is this happened to them as they are the soft touches .
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u/Common_Sense_1451 2d ago
I would think staying in a room full of kids would be birth control! LOL
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u/imnickelhead 2d ago
Parents with the youngest kid(s) get the bunk room. That’s how it works with my friends and family. Either that or kids sleep on the floor or air mattresses in their parents rooms.
I’d sleep on a couch before I slept in that bunk room but I would definitely demand a discount. MiL pays most for master suite. Siblings/spouses pay more than me for their bedrooms PLUS for their kids.
My family has ALWAYS done a pay scale when renting a lake house. 5-7 couples. Some rooms have private bathrooms. Some have to share. Some have king/queen beds, some have full or twin beds. It’s not fair for everyone to pay the same. My sisters will generally want a master suite so they automatically offer to pay quite a bit more. I don’t really care as long as I have a bedroom so I’ll get the smaller room. Then they’ll have me pay like 60% of what the bigger bedroom suites pay. Gotta be fair.
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u/Amazing-Wave4704 2d ago
Staying in basement bunk beds w seven kids is the best birth control EVER.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 2d ago
The kids, especially the younger ones, should be with their parents. Kids get scared in strange places with strange noises, especially at night. They can be afraid to go to the bathroom.
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u/StevieRickeyFish 2d ago
Tell MIL you'll pay the $600 if her and FIL take the bunk beds since it's THEIR grandchildren (and don't they wanna spend time with their grandkids) and you and husband get the master bedroom.
EDIT: Wouldn't the kids be even MORE excited to learn that grandma and grandpa are having a sleepover with them!!!
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u/Dxbr72 2d ago
I’m going to guess that if you asked the grandkids this grandma isn’t “the fun one”
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u/Amazing-Wave4704 2d ago
My kind of petty. But mil sounds like the type to say yes to get the money and then not follow through
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u/My_Uneducated_Guess 2d ago
Of course she wanted to switch but grandpa's back has been acting up lately, ya see
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u/BeneficialHandle1870 2d ago
the fun ones just means she wants you to watch the kids lol. your husband wont even fit in a bunk bed. WNBTA
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u/caparusso 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your husband needs to tell his mom he is not paying that amount to be stuck in a basement with everyone’s kids and sleeping in bunks….. you will book a hotel instead. Next time tell MIL not to book things without everyone’s approval if she is not paying for it in full she should not be making the final call.
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u/Amazing-Wave4704 2d ago
Best answer.
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u/caparusso 2d ago edited 2d ago
And OP’s husband should be telling his siblings who do have kids that they should be stuck in the basement because their young kids will be down there!
“ Sorry , I love your kids but we do not have kids and we want to sleep be comfortable so unless one of you switch with us we’re staying in a hotel”.
Op’s MIL should feel embarrassed I’d never ask my kids to split the cost if I decided I wanted to do something like this I’d pay for it in full.
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u/PoutineDiamond 2d ago
Paying $600 to sleep in a basement packed with 7 kids, on bunk beds that your husband literally doesn't fit in, is completely absurd. You're being treated like paid babysitters rather than guests. If your mother-in-law expects everyone to split the costs equally, the accommodation quality should be equal too. You have every right to prioritize your own comfort, privacy, and a good night's sleep on your vacation. Claiming you guys are "the fun ones" is just a manipulative excuse to dump child duty on you so the other adults can enjoy a quiet trip.
To handle this, your husband should talk to his mom directly instead of just declining the Venmo request in silence. He can politely explain that since room assignments are set and he physically cannot fit in a bunk bed, you'll be booking a hotel nearby for sleep. Reassure her that you'll still be there all day for meals, activities, and holiday fun, and that you're still bringing the pies.
As for the extra $200 the other siblings might have to cover, that is not your problem. Your MIL made the unilateral decision to assign the rooms this way without consulting you. If the rest of the family has an issue with the split, your MIL can cover the difference herself or rethink the room arrangements. Book your $560 hotel room, enjoy time with family during the day, and treat yourselves to peaceful nights in a real bed!
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u/dobster1029 2d ago
No only are they NOT paid babysitters, they are expected to PAY to be babysitters. Also, any of the other couples who may be upset about the extra $200 could be offered to swap rooms first. "We are not going to pay the same as everyone else for bunk beds in the basement with kids that are not ours. Unless one of you couples wants to switch, we are going to spend the same amount for a private hotel room with adult beds nearby." That way, before anyone can be mad that their costs went up $200, they will be forced to recognize how crappy that sleeping situation is and decline the offer to swap rooms. OR, one of them will actually swap and then everyone wins (unlikely).
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u/CozyCoco99 2d ago
Get the hotel room.
Why would she put the non-parents in the bunk room?
Now I’m wondering how she split the cost. Are you paying the same as the parent siblings with kids?
This is wild. While I understand the difficulty in getting a place that would accommodate everyone, putting you in the bunk room is nonsensical.
Everyone staying under one roof doesn’t always work out. You are adults and your comfort matters, too.
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u/last_rights 2d ago
You know who you put in the bunk room? Young adults who can't pay their own way but want to go.
You don't split with other adults and then tell them they get to be glorified night nannies.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 2d ago
It is wrong to be both subsidizing the kids and being forced to babysit them.
At the very least, they should stay somewhere else. They could also consider doing their own thing for Thanksgiving. Teach mom a lesson that she needs to learn. You don't treat one kid as the free babysitter for the other kids and expect them to pay for the privilege of babysitting.
"Mom, you're expecting us to be the unpaid babysitters for all of the kids, and to pay to be the unpaid babysitters. That doesn't work for us. We will make other plans."
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u/Mission_Lock_6699 2d ago
It says in the post that MIL is splitting it equally among all their kids. I'm not entirely clear on whether this means MIL is also paying a share or if she's getting the master bedroom for free.
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u/LavenderSharpie 2d ago
I have looked at rental properties for a family trip. Finding one that has the right amount of bedrooms for all of the married couples and then room for the children is challenging. That's probably the best fit your MIL could find in the price range she wanted.
I would not be willing to be the adults in the bunk room with all the children and your MIL should have raised this issue with all of you before booking that property.
I would tell her we will make our own arrangements so that we actually get to sleep comfortably unless one of the other couples wants to take the bunk room with their children.
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u/Virtual_Entrance6376 2d ago
I bet it was to make sure the childless couple are the babysitting during the so called vacation.
Book the hotel and let the parents look after their own children.
Or radically, get a place with proper bedrooms for all.
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u/LadyReika 2d ago
Or in the middle of the night when they need the bathroom, water, or have nightmares.
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u/Virtual_Entrance6376 2d ago
Exactly! Let's face it, there's not much rest with a 4 year old. They are little energizer bunnies. 🤣
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u/American31415 2d ago
Op and husband are expected to pay to get the worst room and be chaperones for all the grandkids.
Op and husband are also subsidizing the cost for the grandkids.15
u/LavenderSharpie 2d ago
Time to shut that down NOW. Don't even begin to set a pattern for future holidays.
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u/MarionberryOk2874 2d ago
Exactly! So the parents of the kids don’t have to pay for the kids room at all, AND they don’t have to sleep in there? OP and hubs are getting punished for not having kids.
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u/johnnymac_19 2d ago
You don't put all the kids with the couple that doesn't have kids because "they're the fun ones". Nope, decline, book the hotel and next time maybe, just maybe MIL will learn before doing everything herself.
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u/No_Ice_381 2d ago
WNBTA. The youngest is 4? Sleeping in a basement with a room full of kids sounds like Hell on earth. And you're paying for the priviledge? No. Get a hotel room and let the parents get their own kids to bed. There's nothing appealing about being an adult and sleeping in a bunk bed as opposed to a nice king size bed in a hotel down the road.
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u/DntMindMeImNtRlyHere 2d ago
NTA. She booked a house that is too small for the family.
You and your husband are adults and will be acting as adults, the kids do not need to hear adult conversations or be in adult business.
She can either book a better house where ALL the adults/adult couples have their own rooms and the kids bunk in another or all the adults won't be staying in the house.
Your husband needs to reply to his mom with something like, "Sorry but that doesn't work for us. I wo to fit in a bunk or twin bed and since it's also my vacation, I want some peace, too. We'll be staying at a hotel instead and visiting all day."
As far as payment, since the room is for THE KIDS, and you just got tossed in because "oh there's an extra bed here," the siblings with kids can cover it. Or grandma and grandpa, since grandma is the one who decided which of her kids deserved privacy more than others.
Get the hotel. Enjoy the quiet nights. Play with the kids when you're there and let their parents deal with them the rest of the time. Let your MIL learn the lesson about choosing amongst her children.
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u/SeaworthinessDue8650 2d ago
Your MiL hates you. Book the hotel and write in the chat that you'll not be wasting $600 for bunks with the kids and you'll book your own hotel.
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u/DeirdreTours 2d ago
Book the hotel, but do not write that message. Instead: "The bunkbeds with the kids doesn't work for us, so we booked a hotel. Looking forward to seeing everyone!"
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u/MaryKath55 2d ago
His mum, his problem, say no to him and let him deal with his family
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u/Nicknamewastoolong 2d ago
No one in their right mind would expect you to pay 600$ to sleep in a basement in a bed you don't fit in and babysit on top of that. This is on MIL, NTA.
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u/ZookeepergameOld8988 2d ago
So you’re being asked to be the “fun couple” which translates to “provide free childcare”. And you have to stay in the same room with the kids. So you have to work for free and help subsidize everyone’s trip?
That would be a big no from me. They can all pay extra since they’re technically getting two rooms each. One for them one for their kids. You guys stay at the hotel for some peace and quiet.
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u/Big-Examination-4381 2d ago
Girl get a hotel room and don’t even think twice. This is insanely rude. I have kids and I’d NEVER expect other adults to sleep with them on their vacation. Insane behavior. NTA.
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u/xXMimixX2 2d ago
NTA, why did she book a lake house with not enough rooms for the adults and why is that you and your husband should sleep in a room with the kids, that aren't yours? I think you know the answer. They (the siblings) or the MIL want free childcare for the nights.
Take the hotel. It's less expensive for you and you acutally have a safe space. You can tell them you "figured out your own situation" as they already figured out theirs.
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u/Aggressive_tako 2d ago
Do you want to sleep? That bunk room is not sleeping the duration of the trip. If anyone is getting any sleep, it is because you are parenting the kids the entire night. I'd 100% book a hotel or insist that all kids bunk with their parents. A room per family unit is how that pricing shakes out.
Does your husband's siblings know this is the plan? My kids are all little, but I'd never assume that an aunt/uncle would share a room with them while I got a room to myself. I'd honestly be super upset if my in-laws thought to stick my childfree SIL or BIL with my kids. (They adore my kids and are great with them, but 2am wake ups and manic bedtime energy is so not their responsibility.)
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u/ticks-mom18 2d ago
WNBTA. That is pretty nervy to assume an adult married couple would be perfectly fine with sleeping in a room with 7 kids - none of which are your kids - with no warning, heads up, or even asking you about it prior to just sending out a bill.
Sounds like the various parents need to trade off sleeping in the room with their offspring.
Don't remotely feel guilty about the unfair treatment and the other couples getting hit with an extra $200.
We went through it to the point where I stopped going to my family Thanksgiving. Same thing - parents, 3 adult couples, and 6 grandkids. We were always shoved into the family room with the kids even though we don't have kids. Best thing I ever did for my mental health. We now host a friends Thanksgiving that is open to whoever does not have a family event that year for whatever reason. It's been as small at 7 and as big as 15 over the years. So much better than the blood family event - the family you make for yourself is often so much better than family you were born into.
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u/Alarmed-Detective701 2d ago
Your husband should let his Mom know that while you are excited to be with family and want to spend time with the kids, you are not comfortable staying in the bunk bed room (babysitting?) and will be getting a nearby hotel. Frankly splitting equally is unfair anyway. Just stick to no, this arrangement won’t work and keep repeating. If any of the couples kick up a fuss, tell them you will stay if they switch rooms with you. This is your vacation too and you deserve to be comfortable.
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u/UnicornsWanted 2d ago
They want you to pay $600 to be the babysitters? Lol. No. Just no.
Get the hotel and fill the kids with sugar before you go back to it.
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u/Doggondiggity 2d ago
Nope I would book the hotel, let one of the grandkids parents sleep in there with their kids if they don't want to shell out another $200 each. I would never pay $600 to be uncomfortable.
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u/Zestyclose-Custard-2 2d ago
NTA let the people in the big beds pay extra, none of them had any problem at all with allowing you to pay $600 to watch their kids for them.
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u/Helpful_Heron4099 2d ago
This was a rude assumption by your MIL. The parents of the kiddos can switch off sleeping downstairs each night. You guys do not need to go on a so-called vacation and babysit every night.
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u/Macs_im_us 2d ago
NTA but your husband should definitely talk to her and explain that you have both decided to stay in a hotel before declining the Venmo request. It should come from him and he needs to explain that the current plan is not equitable and unfair to you guys. If she is upset then the other solution is for someone else to swap with you.
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u/BeltNew11 2d ago
For $600 you should have your own room and the parents should rotate through the bunk room.
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u/FTFaffer 2d ago
If that room has 7 humans in it and it’s going for $600 a night your exact cost should be no more than $171.42.
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u/FTFaffer 2d ago
Oh 7 KIDS??? Even better. 9 humans in that room breaks down to $66.66 per human per night. To which you can very accurately say ‘Not tonight, Satan.’
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u/Bawfur 2d ago
NTA, they're charging ye $600 tae sleep in a fucking human-sized game of Jenga while every other couple gets a bedroom?
"You two are the fun ones" is family code for "you don't have weans, so we'll stick ye wherever's convenient."
But here's the catch: don't just refuse to pay and leave everyone else tae cover the difference. Your MIL booked the place expecting everybody to contribute, and the deposit's already paid.
Tell her ye're happy tae contribute fairly, but ye're no paying the same price for the privilege of being the unpaid entertainment team in a basement dormitory. Give her the chance tae adjust your share. If she refuses, book the hotel and be clear about what ye will and won't pay.
You're going on holiday, no auditioning tae be the fucking night watchman at a nursery. 😂
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u/Stephinator917 2d ago
Are you nuts??? there is no fair price worth that, they would have to PAY ME in order to entertain and sleep with 7 kids I would require minimum $200 per day paid to me for the misery and lack of sleep and relaxation.
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u/Objectivelycrippled 2d ago
Yeah, the actual parents get private rooms while the childless couples have to share with the kids. No chance.
Get your own room at tje hotel and let them cover their own costs
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u/ohreallynameonesong 2d ago
Yeah I'd better make money from this trip if I'm expected to bunk in a bed i can't fit in with 7 of other people's kids. YOU can Venmo ME $600+ then maybe we'll talk
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u/Mission_Lock_6699 2d ago
Why shouldn't the other siblings cover the difference? They're the ones bringing additional people. Even if OP was getting a real room, the siblings ought to be paying a larger share for the 7 extra people they require accommodation for.
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u/My_Uneducated_Guess 2d ago
That's a completely different issue that should have been brought up before this.
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u/marla-M 2d ago
No way I’m paying a penny to bunk down with all the kids that are not my offspring. Unless the adjusted total is “free plus extra $ for the inconvenience and babysitting service”
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u/ckeenan9192 2d ago
This you are subsidizing the kids. The parents should pay extra for them.
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u/geminimad4 2d ago
Exactly, it’s not an equal split when OP doesn’t have kids that need accommodations.
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u/sixbluehorses 2d ago
Delightful phrasing aside, OP’s husband did ask about reducing their cost, and was summarily dismissed. So it’s straight to war now 😂
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 2d ago
I'd refuse to pay anything. "Mom, if we are the unpaid babysitters we shouldn't have to pay to stay in the house. We are getting a few days off from work and we didn't volunteer to spend our time off babysitting."
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u/CanineCorvidious 2d ago
So therefore I’ll be charging £100 per child per night childminding fees
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u/On_my_last_spoon 2d ago
someone in another comment did the math on the price per person and it's $66.66. If you pay $600 then you're also subsidizing the kid's room. Basically the kids sleep free and you get no privacy.
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u/Virtual-Subject9840 2d ago
I just read this in a Scottish accent and it's even funnier!
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u/Bawfur 2d ago
This was just the subtitles, adding the accent is a complete and utter mindfuck
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u/Thevintageandvanity 2d ago
Why do Scottish people always come up with the most wonderful combinations of words. Human sized jenga. Bless you
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u/Bawfur 2d ago
Tae be fair we just open our mouths and whatever shit comes out sticks
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u/TroubleImpressive955 2d ago
AND, none of the kids are OP’s! Seems like OP’s paying to be the family babysitter. WTH
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u/MysteryJellybean 2d ago
“The kids are so excited”
Friend, they’re planning on using you for free babysitting. Parents of the children should be sharing rooms with the children.
NTA
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u/MarcSkye519 2d ago
Would make more sense for the youngest child’s parents to be with the kids.
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u/TinLizzy-1909 2d ago
“you guys are the fun ones, the kids are so excited” and that the rooms are already figured out.
You have been assigned to be the trip babysitter with no way to have any time alone to decompress and you will be paying for that honor. Get the hotel. Your MIL will accuse you of causing problems and drama, but there is no way that she can't see how unfair that situation is to you and your husband, she has just chosen for the other siblings to be priority. If this is a first time for this, stand your ground and it will show that you will not be a door matt. If your husband is normally the scape goat in the family then it might be worth evaluating time with his family anyway and start your own holiday traditions.
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u/NeitherStory7803 2d ago
NTA. They are expecting your husband and you to be free unpaid babysitters for all your Thanksgiving trip. It will not stop with the bedroom. Reserve the hotel room now so you can get it.
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u/LingonberriesJoinFun 2d ago
NTA. Sounds like Chinese food or pizza for Thanksgiving in your own home is on the menu for you and your husband. $600 is ridiculous and so are the “accommodations”.
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u/War_D0ct0r 2d ago
Does she not want grand kids from you? She's not going to get them if she puts you in a room full of children. If it's not a big deal then all the couples should take a turn in the basement. Alternatively she could have booked a place that everyone comfortably gets a bed. I bet everybody would be willing to pay a little more to not have to take a turn in a bunk bed. If you give in this will become a tradition even after you have kids. Your the fun ones. Any family member that pushes back just ask them to stay in the basement and you'll be happy to pay your $600.
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u/Great-Ad-5235 2d ago
No way. It’s your vacation too- you are essentially paying someone to babysit their kids. That sounds absolutely miserable to me 😩 (and I have three kids lol)
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u/Navel_of_Eve 2d ago
Book the hotel! The room situation is exactly like she’s seating you at the kids’ table because you don’t have children. She doesn’t consider you REAL adults yet.
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u/Haydee36 2d ago
WNBTA- be honest and let her know the arrangements are not fair. If anything she should have booked a place that was more accommodating. On top of that she should have arranged for the parents to be in the bedroom with their kids. This is not ok. If you still want to shelve out some money being that she already booked it then fine but I would definitely stay at the hotel. Your husband doesn't even fit in a bunk bed. Again not okay!
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u/Independent_Honey150 2d ago
You tried to be flexible. You even said you’d do it if you paid less. Book the hotel.
Also, if this is your husbands family, he needs to be the one dealing with all communication so you’re not painted as the difficult one.
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u/BIG-B1978 2d ago
Absofricknlutely GO TO THE HOTEL!!! They are just using you as a free babysitter for the adults and who cares if they have to pay more they know exactly what’s going on and they are ok with it!!! Your mom is NOT COOL!
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u/-tacostacostacos 2d ago
Your alternative is the only option—cheaper, no unpaid babysitting labor, and reclaims the dignity that all adult couples deserve, including childfree ones. NTA
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u/BeneficialBake366 2d ago
She did not book an appropriate size house. Obviously you’re not gonna sleep in a bunkbed with a bunch of little kids. The parents of those kids could share that room with their children. She needs that feedback. Maybe it’s not too late to cancel the Airbnb and book a different one? Otherwise absolutely not… Book your own hotel.
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u/Weary_asf 2d ago
Oh well. Maybe MIL should cover it then. Seriously these stories irk me so much bc we have been shafted before for family vacations. Yall are paying adults like everyone else. And “you’re the fun ones” may be true but she’s using it as an excuse bc you guys are more easy going. I’d never in my life do this. You will be responsible for watching all the kids bc you bunk with them. Hell no. I’d not pay a dime to go bc I would refuse the sleeping arrangements & so would each of his siblings. Trust me or MIL would have put them in there with their kids!! NTA. MIL 100% is for this. She can eat the cost since this was her plan.
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u/annswertwin 2d ago
Don’t go. It will never be your turn. If/when you have kids , their kids will be in sports or dance or whatever and everyone will be busy nobody will watch your kids. Ask me how I know.
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u/TypicalAddendum5799 2d ago
So families with kids AND their own adult bedrooms pay the same as the childless couple who gets a basement bunk bed? Hmmmmm. No. Group chat reply, hey husband is too big for a bunk bed, we found a hotel. See you Thursday. Decline the Venmo.
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u/HeyItsNotMeIPromise 2d ago
Families need to stop pretending that kids don’t count as people when planning events. Why would the cost of the house be divided up equally among each couple and not divided up by bedroom?
The correct way to divide the cost is to base it on which OG family member is making use of each bedroom. So:
5 bedroom house costs $3000 —> each bedroom is worth $600. But, all four siblings are making use of the 5th bedroom, so that $600/4 = $150.00. Your husband’s siblings each pay $750, and he pays $150.
You watch though, if one sibling only has one kid in the shared room and one sibling has three, I bet they’ll claim that it isn’t fair. Because the fact is, they’re all benefiting from their kids being considered free, and you’re the one holding the cost for all of them.
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u/DamnDame 2d ago
"You are the fun ones," she said. That may be, but when you are forced to sleep in an uncomfortable bed with a room full of children who are not your own, the "fun" evaporates pretty darn quick when you're sleep deprived. This is an opportunity to give the parents a holiday as you and your spouse are forced to supervise the kiddos overnight and every night. Maybe, each set of parents can take nightly turns bunking with the kids. Otherwise, screw the guilt and book the hotel room. WNBTA.
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u/APartyInMyPants 2d ago
Find a new house. Choosing the house should have at least been done via committee. They didn’t pick a house large enough for your group.
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u/PeaInternational8130 2d ago
WNBTA. if the others dont want to pay $200 more, one of them can sleep with the kids lol
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u/His_GoddessLove 2d ago
Equal cost, equal accommodations.
Why do you get less than everyone else? You're supposed to pay equal share, not have privacy and be delegated to the kids each evening and they all get peace and quiet. YWNBTA at all. I'd imagine they're not going to like this though.
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u/CityCabCat 2d ago
Nah f that. One of couples with kids should be staying down there. Also the ones with kids are essentially using two rooms their own and the room with the kids.. they should be paying more.
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u/jam7789 2d ago
NTA. On the flip side, you could send out your own venmo request for babysitting fees for that time period and see how it goes. (Kidding. It wouldn't go over well.) It's rude to stick you in the basement with the kids and charge you the same amount as the people who get a kid free private room.
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u/MidwestNightgirl 2d ago
NTA-not even a little bit. MIL can cover the difference since they 1) have the master bedroom and 2) tried to force this on you to begin with.
I’d probably just cancel. But if I did go, I’d definitely book separate accommodation.
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