r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Sad-Lemon-2516 • 11d ago
A creep from my gym waited for me outside with flowers. Management won't do anything. My membership ends in 5 days, what would you do?
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u/But_I_Digress_ 11d ago
I'd be furious that they would ignore a gym member harassing another member. I'd switch out of spite, they aren't getting another dime from me.
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u/mcase19 11d ago
Definitely leave a review, regardless of whether OP sticks around. Might kick them into action if they get publicly shamed about it.
"Staff were made aware that I was being stalked and harassed by another customer and did nothing. This is not a safe gym for women."
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u/ScienceMajestic8716 10d ago
Use anonymous account in review, don't use real name.
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u/TotoCocoAndBeaks 10d ago
Before reviewing I really would go back to the management. A recorded letter explaining why I was leaving. The fact that one person there dismissed her complaint is reason enough to leave, but I do think a well written letter to management will result in that person getting kicked out of the gym, and potentially an apology and some form of compensation.
Often in cases like this, the right people don't ever hear about it.
It's possible that the idiot who dismissed the accusation will lose their job over it also.
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u/Celticlady47 10d ago
Hopefully OP won't feel guilty about complaining, which isn't something she needs or should be worrying about.
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u/Slice9998 11d ago
Call the police if being stalked and harassed.
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u/0rganic0live Trans Woman 10d ago
yeah cuz they'll really care and want to put a stop to that
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u/Unlucky-Praline6865 10d ago
It’s still worth trying to get some paperwork started, at least. Get something on the record.
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u/DiscipulusVenandi 11d ago
Pft, I WORKED at one for years and they couldn't care less about the gang of men harassing and stalking me. Ownership/management prioritized paying customers' happiness over staff wellbeing. I was literal bait.
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u/ObserverWardXXL 11d ago edited 11d ago
Its so simple - if the establishment is failing to defend my safety and trust in being harass free, then its an immediate cancellation.
Why subscribe to pain and torment when you already get that for free. Cancelling is non-confrontational and is entirely within expectation that a dissatisfied customer would cease their financial support. You can even Frame it in your cancellation:
Sorry I regret to inform you I am cancelling my membership to your gym. Recently a stalker has been using the knowledge of me using the facility to ambush me and I have no choice left but to find a new undisclosed location to be a member at.
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u/Meet_Foot 10d ago
I wouldn’t say it’s because of the stalker, but because management dismissed her when she told them already.
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u/BoneHugsHominy 11d ago
Whether or not it happened inside the building, it still happened on their property.
u/Sad-Lemon-2516, at this point you HAVE to assume one or all of the following is true, and proceed as if all of them are true:
•He knows your full name
•He knows where you live
•He knows your car and license plate
•He knows where you work
•He knows your full schedule and spontaneous tendencies
•Your car has some form of tracking device such as a Tile or AirTag that allows him to know where you are and when you're there.
This means you immediately need some form of surveillance at your home, whether a Ring camera or similar. I'm not really familiar with all the options available now but Reddit certainly has those answers.
You need to take your car to a mechanic to have it inspected for surveillance trackers. If found, have them document it and call the police so you can get a legal paper trail started on this creep.
I don't know your financial situation, but you should contact a local Private Investigator and ask about pricing and if it fits your budget hire them to look into the creep so you know who you're dealing with and to where your lawyer can send legal papers.
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u/spahncamper 10d ago
Piggybacking off this comment -- OP, there are free apps out there for detecting airtags, and I super recommend using one in your car and near your gym bag.
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u/sweetpea8888 Basically Eleanor Shellstrop 10d ago
get an app for the recording glasses tracking too!
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u/Fraerie Basically Eleanor Shellstrop 9d ago
I would add that even if she pursues this and he gets removed as a member at the gym - he knows she goes there and will continue to harass her nearby or immediately outside of the gym. OP probably needs to change which gym ASAP anyway -- BUT I would also let the gym know that their failure to take it seriously is what allowed it to escalate to this point and THAT is why you won't be renewing.
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u/leelee1976 10d ago
How do you say im a man without saying im a man?
No is a complete sentence and women should be able to do that without escalation. Hes already escalating.
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u/fiercefeminist 10d ago
You can quite literally never be too safe. Stalking is extremely serious, doubly so if he hasn’t even had a conversation with her. She should take all of these steps and more to protect herself early before this escalates even further.
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u/WokeJabber 10d ago
No, sadly, it's not; it's acknowledging reality.
OP should also file a police report, just in case. The police probably can't and definitely won't do anything, but the report will document the harassment. She will probably have to push to get them to even take a report.
OP is 19; he isn't doing this just because she's pretty, he's doing it because she young and (probably) easily frightened.And the OP should definitely report the manager to corporate and give her money to a better company.
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u/No_Bee_4979 11d ago
Cancel my membership and post it to Instagram. It won't go far, but it's the thought that counts.
Lastly, tell all my girlfriends at the gym, hoping they cancel with me.
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u/ctmred 11d ago
And also leave a Google review with the details.
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u/Hollywoode 11d ago
Google reviews especially, making it clear as a woman you didn’t feel safe and when you reported it to management they did nothing
Sorry this happened to you girl!
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u/CeeUNTy 11d ago
"It didn't happen in the gym ". Yeah, it happened in the parking lot where she was alone and vulnerable. Id screw with them and ask them if their business insurance covers things like sexual assault from other members while entering or leaving the facility. Do they keep a record of complaints from women regarding men harassing them on the property? What is their official policy for where they draw the line and revoke someone's membership?
One of two things is going to happen. One is that she won't have any problems canceling her membership which gyms are notorious for making difficult, or they will 68 the guy who did this because now they're worried about their legal obligations to keep members safe and the potential backlash if she goes public.
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u/plumeTheory 10d ago
"It didn't happen in the gym ". Yeah, it happened in the parking lot where she was alone and vulnerable. Id screw with them and ask them if their business insurance covers things like sexual assault from other members while entering or leaving the facility. Do they keep a record of complaints from women regarding men harassing them on the property? What is their official policy for where they draw the line and revoke someone's membership? One of two things is going to happen. One is that she won't have any problems canceling her membership which gyms are notorious for making difficult, or they will 68 the guy who did this because now they're worried about their legal obligations to keep members safe and the potential backlash if she goes public.
This is an excellent strategy. We all know that businesses care more about their bottom line than their customers, so pointing out all of the ways that they're leaving their business financially vulnerable should coax them into action. OP, put this all in writing and address it to the gym's management / owner. The front desk staff probably don't have the power to do anything about this, so they don't care. Make sure you let the management / owner know how disgusted you were with their employees' handling of this important safety issue and give them a chance to make changes.
If there's a month to month option, you can try that and see if they properly address this rather than canceling altogether in haste. In the meantime, start carrying pepper gel and a taser. If that creep approaches you again, firmly tell him to get away and leave you alone. You have no interest in anything he has to say. That way, if you have to go to the cops about his harassment, you can tell them you've already told him to leave you alone so they can't just blow you off.
You have to do what you feel is right, but I personally wouldn't let this asshole force me to change gyms when this one is so convenient to you because he can just keep stalking you during your longer walk to the other gym anyway. Stand your ground and make him get the boot, then get the cops involved if necessary.
Hopefully it won't come to that, but it's probably a good idea to change up your routine and start going to the gym with a friend for a while until this blows over. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
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u/DiscipulusVenandi 11d ago
I did this on yelp to gas stations in my area that let male staff assault female customers and then transfer them to another nearby location when they get out of prison.
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u/Craftybitxh 11d ago
Bonus points for naming the employee that did nothing so the gym knows you actually tried
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u/basilkiller 11d ago
My biggest concern would be him following me home from the current gym. He already escalated once.
Even if the gym bans him he still knows where to find you
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u/ACanThatCan 11d ago
This is why OP should confront him if she feels safe to do so. Creeps like this only escalate if they feel like this is an easy target in their sick minds. The confrontation would need to be very aggressive though. And it’s hard to give good advice seeing as we don’t know who he is, how he behaves, his criminal history and how big or small he is in comparison to OP etc.
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u/basilkiller 11d ago
Maybe. It depends on what kind of predator he is, showing up with flowers is either really pathetic or kinda crazy.
Without any further information I'd try my I'm really in love line (not to be confused w I have a bf line which basically never works)
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u/tehbggg 11d ago
Especially after being blocked, already. He clearly already knows his attentions are unwanted. Not sure a confrontation will achieve much, other than be stressful.
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u/ACanThatCan 10d ago
Blocked is one thing. Being yelled at with a disgusting look on your face and being told to get the hell off is another.
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u/tehbggg 10d ago
That is just as likely to result in violence. A man willing to ignore a clearly set boundary is not one I would expect to act in a rational way. He might leave off, or he might get violent. Better to avoid the possibility and just avoid him altogether.
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u/Alexis_J_M 11d ago
Report it to the owner of the gym. The front desk is probably not empowered to do anything.
Show the owner the review you've written to post if they continue to be dismissive of your safety.
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u/HostOrganism 11d ago
Piggybacking on this comment to suggest that u/Sad-Lemon-2516 do this as part of renegotiating her membership. If money hangs on the outcome, the owner may be more receptive to her complaint.
Something like "My membership is about to expire, and I'd love to renew if it weren't for this one problem...".
It would help to add that if she is forced to move to another gym she will be disappointed enough to speak publicly about the problem, but if the problem were resolved she would not only stay, but of course she would have no reason to speak out on it. Frame it as a potential win-win for the gym rather than as a threat. Framing makes all the difference.
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u/coleman57 11d ago
She can specifically condition her renewal on the right to a refund if he doesn’t respect her boundaries. They’re free to decline that condition, in which case she can find another gym, but if they’re smart and honorable they’ll agree and do their best to avoid it happening.
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u/toopz10 11d ago
Agree with this - regardless of what path you take can you please escalate it with the management / go up the chain until you reach someone receptive.
Staff need to know how to handle these things better and this can be a teaching moment for all.Hopefully they have a camera that picked up the interaction. You can also share the messages you received on social media IF they want further evidence.
If you love the gym and it is convenient you shouldn't have to change your life for this.
(Also hopefully the person got the message after the last brush off and will leave you be)
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u/Humble_Train2510 5d ago
The front desk staff might not be able to do anything unilaterally. But properly trained and managed staff should know how to escalate that complaint. Get a manager/owner. For a chain, maybe there's a customer support line that they could give op.
This is a failure of training or management.
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u/ClariceJennieChiyoko 11d ago edited 11d ago
First off, I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
RE: Switching gyms
It's your call whether to switch gyms, but I personally would not give money to those that disregard my safety and rights. If you are comfortable, write up a review about this gym on Yelp, Google Maps and other social media (anonymously, with PII removed). This is helpful information to a lot of women and also deserved punishment for the gym.
RE: Personal safety
As another Redditor pointed out, creeps tend to follow people around. Take extra precaution in the upcoming days. Share your location with trusted friends. Be mindful of your privacy, online and offline.
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u/One-Salamander-2416 11d ago
If the gym is privately owned, I would contact the owner. If it’s part of a chain, I’d go up the ladder starting with the listed manager, then to the corporate office. I’d still probably change gyms, because you never know what a guy who doesn’t take “no, thanks” will do. You might also consider reporting it to the police, saying you don’t feel safe. But they probably won’t do anything, but at least you’ll have a paper trail.
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u/TigerMcQueen 11d ago
If it’s part of a chain, go to the listed manager but cc all the higher ups at corporate. I’ve gotten great results doing this. Don’t waste time waiting for lower management to do its job, cc higher at the start.
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u/5DAstronaut818 11d ago
This is a smart answer. Don't let one no stop you. This is how we hold institutions accountable. Management higher up may retrain people at the desks. Also, having a large social media following makes your experience more meaningful to companies who don't want bad press
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u/NoWorthierTurnip 11d ago
You could try escalating to higher management, but if they blow you off - go to the further gym.
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u/Abject-Rich 10d ago
https://www.stalkingawareness.org
Pursued it with the gym further because he is a deviant. Do change gyms.
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u/ufopanda Jazz & Liquor 10d ago
It's up to you if you want to confront him (do so publicly, at the gym entrance and make a BIG deal of it) but regardless of whether you choose to change gyms, you should start varying your route to and from home asap. You don't want him to follow you anywhere else.
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 11d ago
Ugh I hate that we have the be the ones to always switch up our routine to avoid these men. The world is so fucking unfair.
My advice would be to be mean. Tell him to leave you the fuck alone and threaten to call the police. Now I’m sure you’ll say “but I don’t like being mean” but that’s the only thing these assholes respond to. Or a loud “LEAVE ME ALONE PERVERT” as you exit the gym.
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u/mizzanthrop 11d ago
File a police report since you don’t feel safe. That way if something more happens the paperwork is already started. The cops around here won’t do anything unless there is a physical attack. The guy is already stalking you. Get the paperwork.
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u/acktres 11d ago
And consider that he might know where you live, if it is only five minutes from the gym. Keep an eye out.
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u/Unlucky-Praline6865 10d ago
And might follow you to a new gym if you go there… You shouldn’t have to change your life around to accommodate his creepiness.
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u/giocondasmiles 10d ago
You say you live 5 minutes away. Chances are this creep won’t stop at the gym. Consider talking to the police.
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u/hailingburningbones 10d ago
I would change gyms in a heartbeat. Maybe in time he'll move on and you can go back. But for now you'll have some peace.
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u/Pixie1121 11d ago
Working in retail, I’ve come across similar situations several times. The responsibility is on you to tell this man that you don’t want his attention. If he reaches out to you on social media, you need to send him a DM telling him you do not want him to contact you. Screenshot your reply to him and block him. If he makes multiple profiles to contact you, do the same for each profile he attempts to contact you. If he doesn’t stop call the police and file a report. After a report is filed, follow up with the police every time he contacts you after he’s been told to stop and you have filed an initial report. Create a documented paper trail showing his pattern of behavior.
As far as the gym not taking action when you complained to them, likely if it didn’t happen within their 4 walls, they cannot do anything. Again, if he approaches you outside the gym ( on the sidewalk, in the parking lot), tell him clearly and directly that you don’t want his attention. If he tries to give you a gift of some sort, do not take it.
If he approaches you within their 4 walls of the gym and you feel threatened, report him to the gym and call the police. DO NOT expect the staff at the gym to call the police for you. You must be the one to call and make a report. They may have a policy stating they are not allowed to
call law enforcement on behalf of a member, especially if it’s something that no staff member witnessed or heard.
I know this is going to sound harsh, but you must be the one to take steps to protect yourself, nobody is going to do that for you. You should not expect a business to take action on your behalf. Certainly, the gym should cooperate with police if they need to find out who this guy is.
Lastly, you need to decide what you really want from this. Even if the gym revoked his membership when you reported him, he knows where you workout, it won’t be hard for him to find you.
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u/jaceinthebox 10d ago
Switch gyms. But I would also inform all the other female gym members that some creepy guy from the gym has been harassing you and the gym won't do anything about it.
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u/brokedownsystem 10d ago
new gym. Now. Don’t take unnecessary risks. Do not underestimate crazy.
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u/kearneycation 10d ago
They also don't deserve OP's money. I'd write a public review on every medium too.
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u/sidvicc 10d ago
Front Desk usually are not properly trianed to handle such situations, I'd ask to get in touch with senior management or the owner. If their patrons are feeling unsafe to cancel a membership, it's lost money for the owner and he should act even if only out of self-interest.
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u/-almond--milk- 11d ago
I'd move gyms personally just for peace of mind. I'd also report his behaviour to the police. Even if you don't think it's reached the threshold for the police to act, at least it is on their records in case his behaviour does escalate. Sorry you're going through this. Also keep a record of what he does.
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u/nyokarose 11d ago
If you do decide to post a review of the gym, be aware that Stalky McGee may follow the gym’s page and you should ensure that your account is private and doesn’t contain your real name or details.
I would absolutely switch. If there’s a chance he has followed you and knows where you live, take some additional precautions while walking, like a whistle, pepper spray, or letting a trusted friend know when you’re walking. You shouldn’t have to rework your life around assholes, but better to be safe.
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u/Super_News_32 11d ago
I’d switch gyms, honestly. My gym has a “violet code” which means that they are part of businesses that are a safe place for women of all ages who feel threatened or in danger. It means that, if a woman is being harassed, followed or threatened, she can go inside and ask for help. Trained staff can provide temporary refuge, help contact emergency services and offer initial support while specialized help arrives.
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u/SchrodingersMinou 11d ago
I would cancel my membership and I would tell the management exactly why.
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u/bluebirdmorning 11d ago
AND leave a review that they don’t protect women members from harassment by other members.
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u/k9moonmoon 10d ago
You need to established grounds first. Have you told him specifically to no longer contact you or you'll report him for harassment to the police? Until you do that step then it's not legally harassing you. Once you've done that then if he contacts you again you can report it to the police.
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u/Every_Car2984 10d ago
I get all the comments / advice on the thread so far but I don’t think it’s going to get you very far.
If the creep was outside the gym, were they also off the premises? If so, the gym will likely be unable to do very much about this and a review will probably be responded to with some legalese about how they can’t be held responsible for what members get up to off-site.
From a financial perspective, the Gym may view your membership as no more or less valuable than the creep’s, meaning threatening to walk may also give limited results.
I think where this leaves you is in two places:
(a) has the threshold for stalking been met? Police; keep any and all evidence including CCTV from the gym if they have it.
(b) do you feel unsafe at the gym? Change gym.
These people suck and it can be very difficult to convey what happened or complain about it without it degenerating into a “she said, he said”.
I’m sorry to be this cynical.
I’m not saying don’t try the other stuff that has been suggested - I am saying not to let the lack of response surprise you too much or get you down. You’re better than that; you’re not defined by the actions of the creep.
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u/mindlessnosepicker 11d ago
Besides all the good advice above, cancel your membership at the front desk. (Also remove your credit card from the online portal, and/or replace it with a virtual credit card with a $1 cap).
They will notice the cancellation, as management is severely judged by new sign-up / cancellation metrics by HQ. When they attempt to do a retention, NAME NAMES, and let them know exactly why you cancelled.
After 30 days, IF they fix the situation, you may be eligible for ‘new client’ sign up promos for reduced new membership costs, and/or leverage for an ultra-reduced membership renewal (ask for multi-year price guarantee).
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u/HeatherCPST 11d ago
Yes, all of this, and make sure to say it loudly so other female patrons can hear it.
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u/eeriesistible 11d ago
Hi! So as someone that had a person exhibit similar alarming behavior (and I now have a restraining order and have helped a friend also get a restraining order against her creep, too) out of an abundance of caution I’d like to tell you what I’d do if I were you (if you are in the US). Note that I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice, just what I personally would do if I were in a situation like this:
Check your state’s laws regarding harassment (stranger would be civil harassment), because it may be required that you formally tell the person to leave you alone/stay away from you/you don’t want any contact/you are uncomfortable. Simply blocking the person on social media may not actually suffice. Do this in writing so you have proof he was told.
Keep all messages he sent you, keep notes on the date and time of any incident (so a detailed timeline), plus your reporting to management. Better yet report this to the gym in writing. Get everything in writing. If management calls you/speaks to you in person? Send them an email detailing the discussion you had verbally, this gives you a paper trail to prove you felt uncomfortable and sought help.
Not to make you feel paranoid as if something else will happen, but please protect yourself and give yourself the best opportunity to further protect yourself in the future if you need to.
If this person escalates after being told to back off, next steps would be to contact an attorney for a “consultation” to get actual legal advice. Your state’s bar association might have a referral service where you pay a small fee (like $30) and they match you with an attorney for your issue and that fee covers the consultation cost. They’ll guide you for what to do next and might be able to help you with a formal cease and desist letter. I personally used my state’s service and found it to be helpful.
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u/Interesting_You6852 11d ago
You talk to the manager not the shmuck working for minimum wage behind the counter!
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u/RexExLux 11d ago
Go to the gym and tell them you want to renew you membership because it's more convenient but that you do not feel safe. Ask if they can do something against harassement and stalking from another member as gum policy.
If they can't tell them that you will put some awful reviews because the place is not safe for any women.
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u/DiscipulusVenandi 11d ago
If I think I can win and stay safe, I will gladly battle out a situation like this. If not, time to practice my witness protection disappearing skills. Either way, it will be fun for me and VERY disappointing for the creep. 😈
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u/DannoXYZ 11d ago
Blast complaint about mgmt to every social media possible.
Reviews on Google Maps and Yelp
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u/residentcaprice 11d ago
I would skip the next five days. there's no stopping creep from following you home. you just said it's 5 min away.
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u/one_bean_hahahaha 11d ago
Reframe the extra walking as extra cardio. Not only would I cancel my membership, I would tell management why.
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u/YakCDaddy 11d ago
I would have quit that gym and went to a completely different one probably across town or work out at home. I had a stalker once, never again.
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u/AnnieFannie28 10d ago
I would not renew the contract and I would review them on every platform I could so other women know to stay away.
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u/AntheaBrainhooke 11d ago
I'd go to Management and tell them what you just told us. If it's part of a chain and they still won't act, go to Corporate.
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u/Farkenoathm8-E 10d ago
Regardless that he approached you outside, they still have a duty of care towards you as he frequents the same gym as you and the harassment began inside their premises. You should insist that they act upon your concerns and ban him from the gym as it won’t look good for them if you put it out there that they aren’t making a safe environment for customers.
You should not have to change gyms in order to feel safe. He’s the one harassing women. If you leave he’s just going to latch onto some other woman there.
This type of thing strikes a nerve with me because my daughter was harassed at the place she does yoga, but they took her concerns seriously.
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u/TheBigThrowoutski 9d ago
Cancel your membership and leave a scathing review about how it’s not a safe space for women to work out.
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u/Kryptonite-Rose 11d ago
I was doing a circuit room at a gym a while back. One guy really smelled bad. This happened repeatedly. I mentioned that he shouldn’t be in an enclosed space using shared equipment if he wasn’t showering. Nothing was done. I and my friends walked with our $ due to the lack of action.
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u/Burntoastedbutter 10d ago
I assume they do know it is another gym member doing this right? If they do know it's another gym member and don't care, post it in Google reviews and send an email to the management too just so there's a paper trail. Give a brief and simple description.
That a male gym member started harassing you in person and online (how did he even find your social media?? That's so creepy!!), waiting for you outside the entrance if you both happened to be there at the same time, and the gym management refuses to acknowledge it or do anything about it because it happened 'outside the gym', eventhough it was literally outside their entrance. Therefore, you do not feel safe going to this gym anymore, will not renew your membership, and advise others to proceed with caution because the staff are so dismissive to member safety.
Honestly, the fact that it's only a 5 mins walk is a bigger problem because has he ever followed you to your apartment?!
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u/tracehunter 10d ago edited 10d ago
Social medias can recommend friends based on the network you used and your location. I live with my nephew, and while we aren't connected on our respective accounts, Facebook was capable to suggest me one of his colleagues. Pretty creepy.
Also could be ai, if you have a picture of yourself, there are sites available at no charge that will try to match with Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn... I'd recommend for the default picture to be some generic stuff, then you can have pictures for friends only if you want.
Edit: to add to that, unrelated but some apps can match your contacts even if not asked or allowed. Recently added my work email on my personal phone (that was reviewed and allowed), and merely hours later Snapchat suggest me this client who lives 40 min from me. He couldn't have found me on Snapchat and I'm confident it's bound to the fact I added me email on my phone. (I obviously use a private email for Snapchat)
So be cautious around social medias. They don't care about your safety, they want to know who you know because data is worth money.
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u/mangoserpent 11d ago
Go to the other gym and have your peace of mind.
If this current gym asks you why you are not renewing tell them you did not feel safe because they did nothing about the creepy guy.
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u/ladyhaly 11d ago
I’d switch, and I wouldn’t feel obliged to use up the last five days. It's a safety issue.
The 5-min walk is a real benefit. But you’ve already said staying would mean scanning the room and avoiding equipment near him. That takes away a lot of what you liked about going there. The staff’s response would also put me off renewing. You reported unwanted attention from another member at their entrance, and they brushed it off. Wtf
You don’t owe anyone a confrontation to justify leaving.
I’d save any messages you can already access and write down when the incident happened and what staff said. If you want to take the complaint further, email the owner or manager so there’s a written record, ask them to preserve any relevant camera footage, and check whether you need to do anything to prevent automatic renewal. If their response remains inadequate, then it's time to take it externally.
If you decide to return during those five days, consider going and leaving with someone you trust. If he’s waiting again or follows you, go into a staffed public place and ask for help; contact emergency services if you’re in immediate danger. Keep it saved on speed dial with your phone.
Before signing up elsewhere, ask how they handle reports of unwanted contact between members.
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u/Twistfaria 11d ago
Normally I’d say fuck him and don’t let him ruin your gym HOWEVER the fact that you live that close to the gym and walk means he could EASILY find out where you live.
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u/kemmicort 10d ago
I would throw a big event right outside the gym. Maybe a football tailgate? Cooler full of drinks, small bbq grill for hotdogs and burgers.
To prove the point that they do have the power to shut down certain behavior on their property if they care enough to do so. Because they will almost certainly shut down your tailgate.
Then I would name every employee you spoke with in a formal complaint to the gym’s corporate offices. And of course anywhere you can leave a bad review of a business.
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u/otakme 10d ago
Tough it out and claim the space. He only has as much power over you as you give him.
If he still tries to hit on you even when you’ve told him no, give him a clear and direct, ‘Look mate. I’m not interested in dating you. You just aren’t my type, and nothing you do is gonna change that. Please accept that I’ve said no, or I’ll go to gym management.’
That’ll give him a scare and it’s a clear rejection.
But also, it does depend on where you live. If you’re in Australia this’d probably work. If you’re in America idk. Americans are weird.
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u/HappyHavoc20 11d ago
If you stay youre not going to enjoy it anymore so why bother. Leave them a nasty review and move on
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u/ChasingPotatoes17 11d ago
Cancel the membership. It sucks that a creep gets to dictate your choices but that’s the world we live in.
Then spam your 1-star review of the gym and reason everywhere you can. Warn women that their $$$ membership fee doesn’t mean shit if a male member wants to harass them.
Personally I’d also file a complaint about stalking with the police. Yeah they’ll probably say one incident isn’t stalking but at least it’s on record.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
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u/Operations0002 All Hail Samantha Bee 11d ago
I would be sooo worried that he would follow me home.
Sure, the gym one day changes their tune and boots him or maybe you get the cops to come the one time he is there.
But what about all the other times when you don’t see him? And now he is angry or more motivated.
Idk, I’m pretty paranoid about men these days…
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u/ivoryfrog 10d ago
Switch.
Worth it to not have to worry about the creep and the staff at this expensive gym have already proven they don't care if you are safe or comfortable.
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u/Ancient-Song-8428 11d ago
I would change the gym. But, what bothers me now, what if he is stalker too?
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u/bumblebaytuna4 11d ago
Not sure if this is an option for you but my friend started going to a ladies only gym and she said it’s been life changing. She doesn’t worry about who’s watching, how she looks, what guys are hogging the equipment or grunting around her. That being said, the gyms response to your concern is disgusting. Sometimes women decide to remove themselves from the situation instead of fighting to change things and honestly that’s okay. If you do decide to stay, I’d ask for the managers contact and put in writing what is happening and what sort of support you can expect as a patron at their gym.
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u/brickiex2 11d ago edited 11d ago
I'd be a bit afraid he'd follow, or find out your new gym...do you have any friends or even nodding acquaintances with some of the members?...guys or girls ? Try to arrange to meet and or leave together...maybe 1 of the guys could just give him a dirty look or two...you don't want any confrontation... stay safe and alert....make sure some people know when you are coming and going to the gym...be polite but very firm with him if you have to deal with him....I'd file an official complaint of notice with the gym even if they say they won't do anything...also contact the police about him as well.....maybe have your phone on audio record if you think he is going to be around so your interaction is recorded
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u/solidsoulk 10d ago
I want to say for now don’t walk straight home after the gym.. and while I agree you shouldn’t have to switch gyms, given you live so close I’d be worried about stalking.
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u/Raven_feather8408 10d ago
personally I’d tough it out and make him wish he never harassed me, but depending on your situation, joining another membership in a different gym is a pretty easy alternative
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u/UnderwaterParadise 10d ago
Change gyms. I’m sorry that creep is forcing you to do so, that really sucks.
Ask to speak directly to the manager and inform them that’s the reason you’re changing gyms. If they apologize and you think they will make genuine efforts to change policy / do better next time, leave it at that.
If they continue to rebuff you and not care at all, blast them on social media / Google reviews for it.
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u/NoeTellusom 10d ago
If the gym is part of a franchise, I'd complain up the chain.
And certainly, look for a better gym, even if it's a longer walk/drive.
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u/TheGribblah 11d ago
What’s missing (and potentially very relevant) from this story is what other interactions you’ve had with this guy. I feel like we don’t have the whole story. It should have been obvious from blocking on social media, but have you told him in person that you are not interested and to stop initiating contact with you?
At the least, this is the type of fact pattern you need to establish to get gym management/owner to take action. You want to be able to truthfully say “on x date I told him to leave me alone. Then on subsequent y date he said this and z date he did that.” You need to establish a pattern of harassing behavior.
In a vacuum, it’s a reach to say a man tried to give me a flower outside your gym so you should ban him, even though it is a creepy and weird thing to do.
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u/K21markel 10d ago
This is hard. I’m old so we always had men like this but now everything is blown out of proportion. Back in the day: I would alert another man I knew in the gym. Ask his opinion of the dude. Is he dangerous looking, does he go often, is he focused just on you? Is he one of those men that even though you just said hello he miss understood? Evaluate. Then, next time he says or does anything, look him in the eyes, CLEARLY say “you must not be understanding me. I am not interested at all or will I be, in getting to know you and your behavior upsets me, I’m here for a reason. If you keep approaching me I will have to report you.” Gage his reaction and if it’s still uncomfortable find a new gym. My point is you like that place, he may be harmless and you need to learn to speak up. Otherwise call the police it’s worth them showing up because even if you move gyms he may follow. Unlikely though. Be safe and confident.
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u/Quirky_Movie 10d ago
I've known men to tell me a known rapist is totally safe.
I've trusted men who were rapists.
You are advising this person put her safety into the hands of one lone dude's opinion.
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u/OGoshOGolly 10d ago
Hell, I was sexually assaulted and the men I told about it made up excuses for my assaulter! A guy they didn't even know! "Oh, he's probably just sad because he's going to miss you because you're moving away soon." I beg your finest pardon?
A man could have "I am a rapist" tattooed on his goddamn forehead and the men around him would still be completely oblivious.
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u/ACanThatCan 11d ago
Listen here - I am a woman myself and I’ve been harassed and assaulted a lot of times like many other women. But with age I have come to be fed up. You will NOT be changing your routine for nobody. Not because of this. You don’t say “No thank you” - you have a serious and angry talk with him. You say “WHAT makes you think this is acceptable?? I do NOT want your flowers. Im NOT interested. You talk to me again and I will call the police.” And if he tries so much as approaching you - you do that. If he tries to stare - you make this the gym managements problem by raising hell with them. This is a societal problem thats not gonna change by us being nice or polite. You don’t have to throw yourself in the front line. If you feel unsafe, by all means prioritise your safety. But I for one am one to throw myself in the front line, I will risk my safety and my life in the worst of cases if I absolutely have to go ten toes with a man. And strangely enough, since I changed that attitude - it’s like the creeps have a radar and they absolutely dont try nothing with me anymore.
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u/ClariceJennieChiyoko 11d ago
Related:
to most men sexual assault is the most brutal of rapes and usually by a stranger to the woman raped. They think all others aren’t really rapes and that women are over reacting and there are nuances. Even when there are laws that explicitly state what these things are
Men refuse to see it that way.
A commenter just out'ed himself and he literally blamed OP for over-reacting. A lot of men have an extremely narrow definition of harassment and it shows.
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1x2qgr9/comment/pf4ilzy
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u/NicolinaN Coffee Coffee Coffee 11d ago
Cancel and let everyone and their mama know why. Post it on social media. Be furious!
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u/littlelove520 11d ago
I’ll cancel the membership and go to the other gym, but I’ll also leave some reviews online to warn other female members.
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u/YouStupidBench 11d ago
You could ask them what they CAN do. Do they have security cameras? If you file to get a restraining order requiring him to stay 500 feet away from you, will they fight you getting security camera recordings when he doesn't do that, including security cameras out front?
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u/housewithapool2 11d ago
I wouldn't change.
I choose current me over what if future me. Making myself less than over something that might happen is not something I want to do. I would rather deal with something unpleasant in the moment.
But that's a choice I can make. You have to make your own choices.
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u/RoarByMeowing 11d ago
Consider moving. If he sees this post, you've informed him your home is a five minute walk away.
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u/Asheby 11d ago
Start recording incidents in order to support an application for a restraining order and then leave that gym.
Leave notes in ladies room and a review online advising women that management will not look out for their safety.
Maybe hire a PI to find out if that guy has any sort of record.
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u/fishcat77 11d ago
Take it to social media and let it blow up. I don’t think it’ll let you name explicit names, but you can definitely give hints. Explain what happened the situation with the manager and what they did about it, which was fuck all. If it gets blown up enough, then corporate will probably reach out.
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u/lazyflavors 10d ago
If you leave, I'd make sure the membership doesn't auto pay or anything like that. Some of the gyms have really asinine cancellation policies.
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u/redditprofile00 11d ago
Ask a guy you trust to confront him. I've read/seen that this behavior tends to scalate when they find someone who's alone ( not blaming you) they are weak/predatory, the minute he notices you're not alone, someone will defend you it will help to deter/lose interest sooner.
My 2 cents, I've seen my share of tv shows, documentaries etc that talk about the behavior of bullies, predators etc
You don't have to be super anxious just be mindful of your surroundings.
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u/redgen123 11d ago
Not sure about your country laws but most likely the law is this: once you tell him to stop contacting you, he must not contact you and if he does you have a right to file lawsuit or call the police on him to get a restraining order or something similar.
another option is if you have some boy-friends that can go "talk" with him, they can clarify the matter and "make sure" he won't bother you again.
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u/Glum_Audience8149 10d ago
Honestly I'm the kind of woman who would go mental at audacious suggestion that it is YOUR problem. This is deflection in the most dangerous way. If you can destroy them on so ial media with screenshot messages of this interaction. I assume you think that the da t it is expensive means they should care for you. They don't give a fuck so don't give them a penny more. If you can afford this gym maybe you can afford a lawyer. Don't let anyone get away with telling you a creep is your problem. It fucking isn't. A hill I will die on for fucking ever
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u/halucination84 10d ago
How many times have you said No in person. If that was the first, is there a problem. If your no was clear and concise, and he still approaches you again then definitely escalate it.
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u/DylanBeeDylan 11d ago
More info needed really. You said you reported to the "front desk/management".... Was it just a front desk person or the manager of the gym?
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u/ianiention 11d ago
talk to the regular male gym members and just mention what's happend, I expect them to rally around you and then have a 'chat' with the bloke. I've spent 30 odd years in gym's including very old school hard gyms (I'm old), believe me the real men in there will sort the issue quickly without violence. Just a chat is enough.
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u/ProtozoaPatriot 11d ago
Wow, that's scary.
They can't control what happens on the sidewalk. I'm not sure they can do anything. If he comes inside, they could kick him out for trespassing.
Honestly, I think he will just follow you to somewhere else. HE is the real problem.
Can you change up your schedule ?
Walk there with some else?
Does this gym have another exit they can let you use?
Do keep track of the times you bump into him or he tries to contact you. If he escalates, you may need to look into a restraining order.
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u/Props_angel 11d ago
I totally understand why you hate giving up your space and time because someone cannot understand "no". It's very tiring and depressing to have to do that. I've totally been there (and recently so). If you stay, the guy won't stop and it's clear that the management will do nothing about it either. I had the same thing happen but ultimately, because the thing that I was doing wouldn't do anything, I walked from them. They shouldn't be getting paid to not protect members from harassment and possible stalking. Look at it in that you're not losing anything but gaining knowledge on who deserves your money and who doesn't.
I'm very sorry that this is happening to you.
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u/smile_saurus 11d ago
I can see why you would want to switch gyms but if you do switch then you are going to have a further walk which could include different creepers.
I say: don't let him win. Next time you're at your gym talk to a manager and tell them what happened and that staff refused to address it. Ask the manager or another staff member to walk you to your car or at least outside to make sure he isn't there.
Do you have a friend who lives nearby, preferably male, who can workout when you do so you can walk home together?
Buy tees that say Sig Sauer or Glock or any other firearm manufacturer name to give him the impression you may be carrying.
If he bothers you inside the gym: tell a staff member or loudly tell him to leave you alone.
You could contact the police to report that first incident, but they will probably just tell you to block him. I am a 911 Dispatcher and that's what my guys would probably do. They would also offer to call him and tell him that you don't want any contact from him, and that if he attempts to make contact with you then he can be arrested for Harassment. Is it enough to get a restraining order? Probably not, but you can ask your police when you go to talk to them about the first incident. Here, you would have to go to a special court and see a Judge to ask for one.
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u/missjulie622 10d ago
How unsettling! I think I would switch away to a different gym, so you’re not on high alert your whole workout. I dealt with something like this just walking my dog in my neighborhood, he even followed me back to my house with a drone. I switched my route for a while and then finally the guy gave up; now I walk my old normal route and I’ve not seen him, thankfully. But I’m still watchful.
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u/Joonbug9109 10d ago
Switch gyms. Yes it sucks, but management not caring is a big red flag 🚩 plus I’d be concerned that this creep may eventually figure out where you live if you keep going there given how close it is to your house. Not worth the risk in my opinion.
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u/rachyrachyrach 10d ago
Next time he is there and approaches you, get a video recording on your phone. Go back inside the gym and call the police so you can make a report. It will pressure the gym to do something about it.
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u/Noonull 10d ago
I would have the gym put that in writing if you haven’t. Send an email recounting the experience and ask them what will be done. I’d still switch gyms but I’d take their response, leave it in reviews and keep it just in case you ever need to file for harassment. You made it known to them and to him. Based on his social name, I’d find and block similar names in other places too.
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u/mutantmeatball 10d ago
If he reada this post you have almost doxxed yourself. Remove the details of your favourite places and where you live !
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u/Bookbringer 10d ago
I'd switch just to send a message to the gym, tbh. Their comment is such a copout. Leave and tell them you don't feel safe or valued as a customer by a gym that would just let you get harassed in their lot by another member.
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u/noturmamaduh 10d ago
Stay at the gym. Have a member walk you out always. Every time this person talks to you, tell them to leave you alone. They should take the hint.
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u/bahamiangirl 9d ago
Leave, record a video, post it, share the link here so we can support it and make a big stink that the company can’t ignore
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u/DaniCapsFan 9d ago
Find another gym. It's clear the one you're going to now does not prioritize your safety.
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u/komari_k 8d ago
Yeah that's pretty scary he had ur details without giving them to him, itd be safer to switch gyms if the gym cant do much
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u/Jyllidan 8d ago
It may not have happened inside the gym but it certainly happened on gym property. Do not renew. Tell them exactly why you are cancelling your membership, and leave a review on Google calling this out.
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u/eternal-sun 7d ago
I can’t advise you because I feel it depends on the “vibe”, is this a dude who is awkward and seems harmless but annoying bc he doesn’t get social cues (albeit direct ones) or could he be more dangerous?
However, if you do decide to stay in this gym I would email a formal complaint about him using professional language and include the details of his interactions with you (I.e. Oct. 5- messaged on Instagram, Oct. 14 waited outside the facility’s door and approached me). If he approaches you at the gym you should immediately ask to speak to a manager and let them know he is bothering you and you have submitted a written complaint previously. It’s sad, but in my experience businesses take this sort of thing more seriously when they start seeing a paper trail.
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u/Mouse222222 10d ago
Why is it harassment? Did you tell him that you weren’t interested and you were going to block him? If a man messages a woman and then buys her flowers I don’t see a problem. After she has rejected the flowers and tells him she isn’t interested and his conduct continues then there is.
Not sure what makes a man “creepy” because he reached out on social media and surprised someone he likes with flowers hoping to gain a date
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u/LaMadreDelCantante 10d ago
It doesn't sound like she gave him her socials, more like he searched them out.
Don't contact people who didn't give you their contact information.
Then she blocked him, which to a sane person sends a clear message that she doesn't want to hear from him.
And instead of getting the message, he then waited outside of the place he knew she would be to try to get her to talk to him in person.
No. None of this is okay or normal.
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u/blifflesplick 10d ago
From the sounds of it, OP didn't give him her social media, didn't say "hey, send me a message", didn't encourage it at all by being neutral
He found out her name, searched for her, found her, and talked to her on there all on his own, then went to a store,vought flowers, waited for her, again, unprompted, by the gym
Where is his sense of boundaries?
As much as I despise it generally, this IS why small talk is a thing. To make sure you're talking to someone who hasn't jumped ahead 5 steps in the relationship and is trying to speedwalk you from the beginning to where he is
Trust is earned
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u/PeppermintEvilButler Basically Liz Lemon 11d ago
Best way to get results is to expose the issue to the public. Blast them on social media, leave reviews, etc.
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u/gypsyem 11d ago
Trust your gut on this one. If it felt creepy to you then it is creepy. This is the time to put on your bitchy pants and take no shit.
If this ever escalates, say the guy gets worse, there isn’t much others can do for you.
How healthy is it to go to the gym when you are scared and looking over your shoulder all the time ?
If you wish to stand your ground, then are you ready to speak to the man and call him out ? Even with a friend by your side ?
You don’t have to yell at him (although we won’t judge), but can you feel that you can talk to him firmly and confidently that you see he is trying to approach you and you are not interested and you’d rather be left alone ? Can you have a conversation where you mean business ? Not everyone can, of course , you’re scared. And if you attempt this and it doesn’t make a difference, then are you going to be more convinced of your decision to change gyms ?
Are you willing to make other friends at the gym and tell them about this interaction and round them up in your corner just in case ? I’m not saying it’s going to work, I’m just saying it helps to have people know you so you all can look out for eachother.
Also… how did he find your social media ? (No need to answer to me, just think about it).
This is a shitty situation. Be kind to yourself, and be ruthless about your safety. It will trigger people, and that’s how you know you’re doing it right.
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u/KITTYCLICHE 11d ago
“ Be ruthless about your safety! “ is brilliant. Nothing else will do. This stalker has a reckless disregard for normal social boundaries. That may indicate that he doesn’t have any. That’s potentially dangerous.
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u/Gigmeister 11d ago
If the guy is harassing you....there have been others. I'd move to another gym, but let the current gym manager know you'll be reviewing their policies online.
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u/KnowsIittle 11d ago
Call it for stalking, document much as possible, file for a temporary court order of no contact. If he violates this there are legal repercussions.
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u/rob_c_1961 11d ago
If this was in the UK report the issue to Police this is escalating harassment of the op
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u/dcherholdt 11d ago
I don’t think running away is the right thing to do. What if it happens again at the new place. Also it’s not fair to disrupt your lifestyle just because of some guy. You need to stand your ground.
So far from the information you gave it doesn’t sound like the guy is necessarily bad, he is just trying to get your attention and you need to firmly tell him no. Just set the boundary but don’t insult him or attack him personally. Once you let him know you are not interested in his advances you have grounds for claiming harassment if he continues and that will give you a much stronger case when you go back to management.
From his perspective he probably finds you attractive but don’t quite know how to approach you. Telling him sorry but you are not interested should make him stop if he has any integrity at all. Then be professional and don’t let that affect you. We all have people we like to avoid at school, work, church etc. Running won’t solve it.
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u/Steve-C2 10d ago
The only thing they'll listen to, maybe, is money. Don't renew, and when they ask be clear about why. Then leave a review.
One would think that the gym would want to create a safe space for members. Imagine what would happen if this guy did this to too many people and they started losing members because of him. I'm sure they'd suddenly be concerned about his membership and figure out something pretty quickly, regardless of where he was.
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u/heartandmarrow 10d ago
Let the membership lapse and if they ask why, let them have it. Join somewhere else.
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u/59flowerpots 11d ago
It’s up to you but I’d choose peace of mind considering the gym staff have shown where they stand.
The thing about creeps is that they tend to follow and you wouldn’t want this guy to find where you live. It sucks that some idiot can change your life that way but you never know who is going to escalate and how far they will go.