r/MadeMeSmile • u/gm_91 • Aug 10 '26
Personal Win 7 years since I said my "last" goodbye
Another year of doing my best to live! I posted last year, https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/1mlerz1/6_years_to_the_day_i_attempted_an_early_exit/ , and my heart absolutely soared with the interactions in the comments and the many messages and conversations I had since then. So I hope this helps a few people again this time.
7 years ago yesterday, I bid my horribly abusive then-fiance a painful but relieved farewell, and climbed out onto a bridge. While I shuffled out on the ledge to a spot I hoped would end me on impact, if not with the ground them a semi doing 70 mph (I'm aware how selfish it is to put others at risk for my own gain; all I can say is that in that moment I simply could not care, and also I did not turn to paste on a poor truckers grill), the police came and a lone older officer spoke with me for a few minutes before grabbing my shirt through the fence when I moved to jump. He begged, he cried for me, for his men watching 20 yards away helplessly, and I wept and I broke and I lived. Not well at first, not a while even, but I did live.
I was 28 then, 35 now. The last fifth of my life just wasn't going to be, and yet here I am, moving forward every day. I made progress my addiction 5 years ago and every day is glorious, even when it fucking sucks, even when it feels like I'm fighting life itself. Taking the lashings, in stride when I can, with renewed vigor when the beat me down, just continues to be worth it. I wouldn't have had the chance for my brother and I to be flower girls at my little sister's wedding last week. I wouldn't be fretfully raising a nearly teenage girl in today's America. I wouldn't be less than a year from my degree. Some of these things are hard, not enjoyable at times, but they are in my life because I am alive. And that makes me happy.
So to those who need to hear it, stay alive with me. Keep moving forward.
***Edit: In retrospect my text screenshot did deserve more context. So a few terminally online people seem to think that I am bragging about having threatened suicide to avoid taking care of my children and perhaps that was the "abuse". If only I were a such piece of shit, life would be so much easier.
No, I have sole custody of both of my children.
Some context: my ex did literally nothing for my kids since birth. And her lifestyle nearly resulted in the stillbirth of my youngest. She'd dodge highly necessary appointments my youngest needed to the point the cops would come to the house to make her go to the hospital. She'd beat me with frying pans, mace me in my sleep, slash tires, constantly threaten to leave with the kids if I didn't keep her chosen substances flowing.
The screenshot I shared was just what i thought was going to be my last text. I got out of the behavioral health ward of the hospital, came home to find my dog dead in the street because my ex let her out unleashed out of annoyance. Keep in mind we were staying with my parents' and she had all the help in the world while I spent 3 days trying to stop wanting to die (while being harassed by my ex via phone to the point they stopped taking her calls). While burying my dog, my ex had to change a diaper, and so hours of insults, jeers, and joy over my failures just poured out. I guess at least there wasn't a "welcome home loser" sign like that time I got laid off my dream job... So I left to die, and just took a couple maligned jabs on the way down.
So my kids are here, happy, and healthy. And regardless of some bitter comments, I know I'm their fuckin' hero and thats not just another thing to live for, but something I can live up to.
12k
Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3.2k
u/kasfinally Aug 10 '26
“ We’ve got an entire eternity of death coming up. Why not push through the split second of life?”
This hit. I’m not even in a bad place. I love life, but this hit and I love it. Thank you for this quote.
2.0k
u/lopeztheheavy69 Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
I am in a bad place and this is a glorious breath of fresh air
Edit: I cannot believe this got the response that it did. Thank you everyone for saying something. It’s nice to know that there is so much kindness out there and to me that’s another thing worth sticking around for.
507
u/Ghemit Aug 10 '26
Hey internet stranger! I'm a fellow internet stranger passing your way. Just wanted to say hi and let you know you ARE NOT alone. I'm right here under your comment waving hello up to you ^_^
133
u/ABlokeNamedScott Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
I know this is a serious subject and all but I wanted to point out that somehow my brain managed to skip the word "NOT" and for a moment I thought you must be like a professional hater.
Edit: I also wanted to let anyone know that If you feel like you need or even just want someone to talk to, feel free to private message me. If you don't know what to say just type anything, I'm not gonna judge.
11
149
115
u/mantis_tobaggan-md Aug 10 '26
I recently started regaining my interest in being alive after 3 years of intense grief and deep, deep darkness. I can’t even begin to tell you how beautiful everything is on the other side. It’s like the world is suddenly appearing to me in color. Hang in there.
→ More replies (3)20
u/WifeAggro Aug 10 '26
Ohh, god, I know that feeling where you look at things and never noticed how beautiful they actually were. Has the grass always been that green? the sky always such a beautiful, pink and purple in the morning on a cold winter's day? .... I saw in color for a brief time, but it's starting to fade again for me.
10
36
u/rigbysimpson Aug 10 '26
The world is a better place with you in it. You are loved and would be missed.
95
25
u/RandomlyPlacedFinger Aug 10 '26
If you can find no better reason to persist, do it for spite. Annoy the Universe with your persistence.
14
u/genericperson10 Aug 10 '26
Hang in there internet stranger, this is really cliche but sometimes the bad places temper us to become strong enough to ensure that others don't have to be in bad places. You are not alone, there's a lot of us internet strangers rooting for you!!
9
u/t00oldforthis Aug 10 '26
You have over a thousand up-doots to this comment, that's over a thousand people who just happened on this comment and are certain you are worth fighting for. Make that over a thousand + 1, I hope you can find some peace and support.
21
3
→ More replies (13)10
51
u/ferretbeast Aug 10 '26
For real. Thanks, u/ravensquoth for that one. Such a simple statement but so impactful. Great username btw!
21
u/GoblinCorp Aug 10 '26
A trope statement for a reason but, a short term problem does not require a terminal solution. I have been there a few times and currently struggling again, so OP helps us all a bit.
10
u/rockhardkent Aug 10 '26
Once you die, there is no death anymore because it already happened and words are nothing but smoke. Perhaps there won't be an "is" or a "was" or a "will be" , until such time as you have eyes to see the sunrise again.
→ More replies (4)5
115
u/kuppajoy Aug 10 '26
Trying so hard to hang on for the sake of my baby girl. This quote just hit me. Thank you
68
u/I_Am_Beyonce_Always2 Aug 10 '26
Just wanted to share my Mom committed suicide when I was a preteen. My siblings ranged in age from 2 to 11. I'm here over 20 years later to tell you my family is still dealing with the trauma that caused and the many after effects that often accompany this type of loss (mental health struggles, addiction, lack of healthy relationships, incarceration, their own suicide attempts). Please hang on. Your baby girl needs you more than you will ever know. I hope one day you can look back on this period of your life and it feels like a different person you're looking back at. Wishing you healing and grace for yourself while you struggle. Sending a hug from a Mom to two amazing girls who are now the age my Mom was when she left. It has taken a lot of hard work and many reminders I'm not as healed as I thought, but I am breaking the cycle of trauma with my family. I hope your baby girl never knows that struggle. You sound like you love her so much and are trying to do the best for her. That takes a strength.
Sorry for the novel. Just felt something that said I should share with you.
11
58
u/adoradear Aug 10 '26
Keep that thought strong. Any parent, no matter how “bad” (the voices in your head tell you that you are), is infinitely better than a dead parent. Especially a dead parent who chose to leave their child. You can do this. You’ve done hard things before, for lesser reasons than for her. You can do this too. ❤️
→ More replies (2)29
u/Boterfleoge Aug 10 '26
Please talk to your doctor about this if you haven't already. Having a child can really throw us for a wallop and the right support can change everything ❤️
16
u/StrawberryRedneck Aug 10 '26
My momma lost her dad to suicide when she was 18. She had just graduated high school a few weeks before. It happened about 50 years ago. She never truly recovered. It happened on a Sunday. She still hates Sundays. Much of my life has been spent comforting her. It breaks my heart. It also hurts because I know - I mean KNOW - that he would have thought I hung the moon. He would have loved me to pieces and I would have thought he was the funniest man alive. Please ask for help, or you can message me and I will work to find you help in your area. Your daughter needs you. So much.
→ More replies (3)12
u/atheliarose Aug 10 '26
Your precious baby girl needs you and wants you, both now and always. She needs you there so she can tell you stories about the new friends she made on her first day of school, she needs you there to hold her and feed her raw cookie dough and ice cream when she has her first heartbreak, she needs you there to shop for her first apartment, and she needs you there to help her pick out her wedding dress. There are so many beautiful moments ahead that she needs you for, and no one else can do as good of a job as you at being her mom. I hope the light breaks through soon for you and that you can get the support you need, because postpartum mental health can be a struggle, but there are resources out there (meds and therapy have helped me a lot). Sending love, prayers, and my very best mom friend hugs 🫂❤️
75
u/tzip34 Aug 10 '26
Such a long, long time to be gone and a short time to be there
7
u/JamesInDC Aug 10 '26
your avatar checks out
4
u/DaughterJoro Aug 10 '26
I needed this thread today, but also thanks for reminding me I’m wearing my Bertha shirt :)
→ More replies (1)64
u/Usagi1983 Aug 10 '26
Damn, this quote… back in 2018 our 4 month old daughter died of SIDS. Right next to my side of the bed. Been killing myself inside for years over not waking up and helping her. There were some touch and go moments those first six months or so, but seeing that quote helps let me know I made the right choice to keep going.
19
u/Specialist_Map_6541 Aug 10 '26
Yes you did make the right choice. I’m so sorry for your loss and it was not your fault, just a terrible accident. Glad you and OP are still in this world!
15
u/atheliarose Aug 10 '26
I am so sorry for your loss. It wasn’t your fault, and I’m so glad you’re still here. 🫂
6
u/Ill_Ambassador_6814 Aug 10 '26
I’m so sorry for that pain you are experiencing. Sending you all my positive thoughts and admiration as you face today. You have real mental strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
→ More replies (1)41
16
12
u/SlendyIsBehindYou Aug 10 '26
Hopefully your light reflects on others like me who are in darkness as well.
Beautifully said. I'm buried in darkness, but posts like this show me what the light can look like
19
u/fr2uk Aug 10 '26
I went through depression. Was suicidal. I'm sorry to say this type of thinking would not have helped me. I'm aware of the fact that life is short, but when I was at my lowest, whatever years I had left felt like an eternity.
The way I described it at the time was like holding onto a pipping hot iron bar at the top of a cliff and everyone is telling me to just to hold on, it will get cooler at some point.
When in pain, and doing anything gives you nothing but just emptiness, letting go feels like peace.
I thought I would share this, not to trash on what you said, because I can see it inspires some people and that's great. But I want to make people aware that quoting this to someone who is struggling may have no effects on them. Don't get frustrated at them if it doesn't work. For some people, holding onto life is like holding a hot iron bar with barehands: it feels like an eternity when there are no signs of it getting cooler.
→ More replies (2)10
u/ThatBadgr Aug 10 '26
geniuinely thank you for sharing this. i’ve been struggling a lot lately with dark thoughts and this brought a level of comfort that i haven’t felt for a long time.
7
7
u/Early-Obligation-328 Aug 10 '26
This is the most compellingly worded way I’ve ever seen to think twice about the choice to end your life. Well done.
8
u/Coogarfan Aug 10 '26
I grew up religious, with a strong belief in the afterlife, and I tell people now that I would've committed suicide long ago if I still thought there was a second chance.
There isn't.
→ More replies (2)7
u/ammonthenephite Aug 10 '26
This is the thought that has helped me hang on through some pretty dark times in the past. Death will come for us all, I might as well stick around as long as I can, lots of sunsets to see, cheap cigars to smoke, etc., can't do any of that when you are dead.
Life really is rare, with very few exceptions it's worth sticking out just to see what'll happen.
6
10
u/Low_Key_Lie_Smith Aug 10 '26
What an amazing thing to say - love it, using it, 💯% right. Plus I can even say, "quoth the Raven..."
6
→ More replies (53)5
1.2k
u/Rahx3 Aug 10 '26
That visceral image of you standing on the bridge and those guys fighting to keep you here brought me to tears. I'm glad you took a risk on them and on yourself. I am so glad you didn't let everything beat you down that day and you fought back. I am so glad you're here to watch your daughter grow and thrive, and maybe meet your niblings one day. From one internet stranger to another, I am so glad you're here.
70
u/Emotional_Base_9021 Aug 10 '26
I hope those officers remember that night. It would be cool to follow up with the guy that held onto OP and cried with him. Cops have to see/do a lot of awful things, and I bet the “wins” don’t stick as tight as the trauma.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)67
u/SSquared82 Aug 10 '26
I agree!! I wish more people shared stories like these because it puts a little pep in your step to keep going. I’ve never had SI but I’ve been deeply depressed and it’s good to read successful stories like these. Glad you’re here OP
326
u/Snowbank_Lake Aug 10 '26
I’m so happy you’re here! I hope that police officer knows what an amazing thing he did that day. Congrats on your upcoming degree, congrats to your little sister, and all the best to your daughter!
64
u/East-Block-4011 Aug 10 '26
I was just thinking that a note to the officer updating him on what happened after might be a nice gesture. He probably thinks of OP occasionally.
177
u/smallfattapir Aug 10 '26
I attempted suicide twice last year. This is motivation to not try it again.
36
u/Educational-Key4431 Aug 10 '26
You are needed here in this world, in this life, in this time. Never doubt that.
→ More replies (1)18
u/bby-pink Aug 10 '26
I’m grateful you are still here🩵 please try to remember you are never alone
→ More replies (6)8
→ More replies (4)5
134
u/t00oldforthis Aug 10 '26
Very possible you are also saving someone with your posts!
→ More replies (1)
212
Aug 10 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
29
→ More replies (2)17
u/GnastyZGnastyZ Aug 10 '26
Hi, my cousin died this year to alcoholism, he was 33. I'm 34 right now and I miss him every fucking day.
I don't really know why your comment caught my eye, and I decided to tell you my story. I guess it is inspiring to me.
I just want to say that you're fighting everyday, and I want to support that. And even if you fail, I will still be so happy for you that you tried.
415
u/Imaginary-Photo5221 Aug 10 '26
Bro, I’m soo glad you are still here! It does get better.
;
→ More replies (5)50
u/IzCaiman Aug 10 '26
Not to downplay OP in anyway, but I've heard that for over a decade and it's actively gotten worse.
→ More replies (31)111
u/verovladamir Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
I have treatment resistant Bipolar II. I know people mean well when they say “it gets better” but as someone who has had depression to the point of catatonia, I know that phrase can often do more harm than good. When you’re in an awful place, especially for an extended period of time, having people constantly repeat that refrain makes you start to wonder why you seem to be the only person that doesn’t apply to. When does it get better? In what way? And most importantly, HOW?! No one can ever answer that. They just say “you just have to keep trying.” It used to make me so angry, because from the age of 15 to 35 it had only ever gotten worse. And each attempt to treat it made it exponentially worse. I would see a therapist every week, I had seen multiple different psychiatrists, and tried so many different medications. I had taken leave from work. I worked out regularly. I did the fucking yoga. I lost weight. I did everything they said to do. Still people promised it would get better. Worse, they said “think of your kids!” As if reminding me of my responsibilities, the added people I had to take care of when I could barely care for myself, would somehow snap me out of it. Would somehow fix the chemical, biological problem in my brain.
I ended up in the hospital after another new medication led to a psychotic episode (I checked myself in voluntarily, barely hanging on). The doctor there informed me that it was clear the class of medications used to treat my disorder was making it worse. I could try one more medication, but when asked she couldn’t promise it wouldn’t make things worse. I asked for other options, and she suggested electroconvulsive therapy. Shock therapy.
I agreed to try it. I did the course of ten treatments over four weeks. And it fucking worked. For three months I felt great. And then it got bad again. So I asked to do another two treatments. And I felt great. For three months. Eventually I started doing monthly treatments. It was fucking hard. It’s not an easy thing. It takes a toll on your body. They put you to sleep so you don’t feel it but it still affects you. I had brain fog and memory loss. But it worked. I kept up with those treatments for 18 months. I had to spend a lot of time reckoning with the fact that it might just be my new normal, taking off of work once a month to have my brain shocked into having a seizure so I wouldn’t get too sad. Or too happy.
And then I started to stretch out the time between treatments and noticed I still felt OK. And then I decided to just not schedule another one. It has now been a year and a half and I have not had a single bipolar episode. For the first time in over 20 years I didn’t spend half of the winter unable to get out of bed.
So were all those people right? Not really. It didn’t get better. Life did not just improve around me until I found it bearable. I didn’t get better. Bipolar disorder is a chronic, incurable, lifelong disorder. I still take an antidepressant and have made lots of lifestyle changes to keep myself stable and I go to therapy. I manage it carefully. I probably will have another episode at some point. I will likely need to go back for ECT again at some point. I WORKED MY ASS OFF and made things better. Not by smiling or cheering up or thinking positive thoughts. But by continuing to try to find a solution. Which is why, even though I’m in an amazing place that I never thought possible if you had asked me while I was laying in that hospital three years ago, I still won’t say that “it gets better.”
→ More replies (6)34
u/eliploit Aug 10 '26
This is extremely interesting to me because I’m at my wits end with treating bipolar II and I’m only 22 and just tired of it.
20
7
u/GordontheGoose88 Aug 10 '26
BP2 checking in. Lamotrigine and Latuda saved my life.
→ More replies (2)3
u/Beastxtreets Aug 10 '26
34 Bipolar 2 as well and it fucking sucks. I wish you all the best. I found it got a bit easier with age but some days are still awful.
72
47
u/pourtide Aug 10 '26
49 years after my effort, I'm still here.
(Not talking religion:) Keep the faith.
129
u/gm_91 Aug 10 '26
Oh my dear fellow humans (and those pesky bots I guess), this is exactly what I had hoped for. Thank you all so much for your kind words to myself and to each other, especially those to each other. I can and will read all these comments with a smile and leaky eyes over the next few days. I love you. See you again next year, motherfuckers.
17
u/hugo_portisch Aug 10 '26
There are all kinds of shit people out there. There are all kinds of great people out there.
Spend time with the great ones and you will feel great too motherfucker!
8
u/PaisleyBrain Aug 10 '26
You’re such a freaking awesome person! That photo of you and your brother being flower girls is epic 🥰 thank you for bringing so much joy and hope to so many people. We’re very glad you’re here 🤍
98
u/Clear_Painting9711 Aug 10 '26
STILL HERE MF!! Love that.
Glad you’re still here boss
→ More replies (2)
28
u/OldManGrimm Aug 10 '26
Fucker, you got me all choked up. You have a unique voice in how you worded this. It’ll really resonate with some of us.
Stay strong, you beautiful bastard 😂.
27
u/Scottg8 Aug 10 '26
Needed to read this. Just left rehab for a detox. Got a owi a month ago. I drink a fifth like a fish. It has tore my stomach up that now my esophagus is damaged. You wouldn't know it by looking at me. But I've struggled lost jobs. Pissed away money. I still look good and actually got quite healthy 7 months ago.
But here I am again. Back it. But im 4 days sober. Wondering what am I going to do, bc i feel hopeless like im ruining my life. But now I have weekly therapy visits and plan on attended AA and getting a sponsor. I feel I have the willpower to do it on my own but I understand help is good too.
So thanks for this post and sharing your story. It let's me know I always need to keep fighting and there's a brighter future ahead if I strive for it.
10
u/margo_beep_beep Aug 10 '26
I'm proud of you - four days is a great start! I know it's so hard, but the therapy visits sound like a great idea, and I think getting a sponsor will be good too. Keep it up!
5
→ More replies (4)3
65
u/mystified_one Aug 10 '26
I am so glad you are here and I see how hard you've worked and how brave that you have been. Keep on going. ❤️
22
19
u/Charming_Garbage_161 Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
I can honestly say the day I decided to commit was the best decision of my life. I am so glad you’re also here with us OP. You deserve happiness, respect, and to be cherished.
Obviously I didn’t die even though I should’ve. I took 33,000mg of Tylenol, 8 oxys, a bottle of bp meds, and topped it off with two full short acting insulin pens and some alcohol. It opened my eyes to how much abuse was really going on in my life and how horribly I was treated by everyone from my now ex husband and his family. I didn’t really have friends at the time, I didn’t speak to my family but my parents came to see me in the hospital. That’s not be condoning offing yourself if your life gets tough. My reasoning was grief due to a coerced abortion I almost died twice from, then a miscarriage two months later and then finding out my ex was cheating on me a month after that. I found out I was pregnant the next month somehow and had my daughter almost to the year of the abortion.
Sorry I ranted a bit but:
Life does change and can get better. I divorced my ex, took him for as much as I could get in the divorce with a pro bono lawyer due to his abuse, got our marital residence, got pro-me clauses in the parenting agreement due to fb group advice, and I’m a hell of a lot better off financially. Life goes on and it can get better but fuck did that 3 years divorcing him suck lol
10
u/GreenDavidA Aug 10 '26
I’m glad you were somehow able to survive that kitchen sink you threw at yourself and you’re doing better.
8
u/atheliarose Aug 10 '26
I’m so sorry for everything you went through, and I’m so glad that you’re here and that you have your daughter. She’s going to grow up with a badass mom to look up to. ❤️❤️❤️
→ More replies (3)6
14
u/CreepyTeddyBear Aug 10 '26
Congrats, dude. I tried to hang myself from a tree at a beach in the middle of the night. When I hopped off the branch, I guess the velocity from my bodyweight was more than just my weight sitting there and the branch snapped. I cried and went home. Got into drugs really bad. My life was a mess. I'm 39 now with 13 years clean and I have 6 beautiful children. Life is much better with you being here. Keep it up.
→ More replies (2)
15
u/altcoopx Aug 10 '26
I also had an insane heart to heart with the cops on my attempt. They did so well to actually calm my poor, sad ass down from the ledge of no return. I’m glad we’re here together. I’m glad we have the time on earth we have.
6
13
u/AirGugliotta Aug 10 '26
Happy you’re still here, thankful for your words, and happy that everyone who reads this is here
13
u/Spaghetti_Gravy Aug 10 '26
What a beautiful flower girl!! Also in school right now and it is no joke!! Thank you for staying around and helping other to remember that this life is worth living. 🫶
13
u/foxakahomer Aug 10 '26
🫡I've been struggling a lot. Too many of the bad thoughts. Good to see you're doing well.
→ More replies (1)6
u/13neonghosts Aug 10 '26
I'm sorry you're struggling. I am too. Keep in mind that things will get better, whether it's in a few days, or weeks, or even months. It always gets better.
→ More replies (1)
12
11
10
11
u/thegloracle Aug 10 '26
I love the obvious joy as 'flower girls'. I'll assume you're the handsome devil in the blue suit, pink tie, bald with the beard?
→ More replies (1)
11
u/MaybeHarryPotter Aug 10 '26
I too once went to a bridge to jump, sent half coded goodbyes to friends family’s and downed a 2-6 of rum while I gained the courage to jump. O was talked down buy three strangers, who pulled over their two cars. I’m still here, I still struggle sometimes. Currently struggling this month. But I’m still here.
→ More replies (1)
34
33
u/CiticenX_007 Aug 10 '26
I don't know you and you don't know me, but man, I am so glad you're still here! Love you, brother!
10
18
9
u/LearnAlways717 Aug 10 '26
Glad you stayed, glad you’re here. Whatever our own personal mountain is, we climb it one day, one step at a time💪❤️
9
8
8
u/DarkFlutesofAutumn Aug 10 '26
It's funny I came across this bc I tried to kill myself several times in 2010-2012 and failed every time. Instead, I got sober and spent 15 years raising an amazing child and living every day as if I didn't really have it, bc in a lot of ways I shouldn't have/didnt.
Anyway, I got diagnosed w cancer last week. I'm not thrilled about it and luckily I have a good chance of surviving, but amazingly my first reaction wasn't fear or sadness - it was relief at having spent 15 years living every day to its fullest, knowing I consciously made the most of those 15 years I had no right to experience. I'm so fuckin grateful.
→ More replies (1)
8
u/Furikake_Dreams Aug 10 '26
My heart. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 16 in 2015 and this made me cry a cry that had several emotional layers. I am glad you are still here.
9
8
21
u/NeverEndingWhoreMe Aug 10 '26
I know you'll appreciate this: I saw an old man walking with a cane, shuffling along in the grocery store. I said "Hi, how are you?" and he looked at me, smiled, and said
"Sometimes it's just good to be alive."
I think about that nearly every day.
→ More replies (1)
7
8
u/GoinWithThePhloem Aug 10 '26
While I haven’t dealt so closely with death, I think it’s worth reminding ourselves that we can live many different lives if we give ourselves the opportunity to do it.
I’m in my late 30s and I’m returning to school in a few weeks for the very first step toward a career change. To say I’m scared is an understatement, but when I look past the fear of the unknown I see a brand new life with endless possibilities.
Im glad you’re in a better place today and you’re getting the chance to experience that next chapter in your life. Even beyond that, you’re writing meaningful moments in others lives too. That’s what it’s all about. Congrats on all of your achievements!
8
u/Nervous_Departure540 Aug 10 '26
Thanks. Just thanks. Your story hit me hard cause I've been on a metaphorical bridge for a long time. Thanks for still being here on this day when I'm feeling miserable myself and reminding me that no matter how alone we feel, we never truly are.
→ More replies (1)
6
u/thepolishwizard Aug 10 '26
Hell yeah brother. It’s been 12 years for me. I was battling trauma and addiction trying to process an abusive childhood and it almost got me. It wasn’t easy for the years after my attempt either, I was still stuck with my abusive family trying to save enough to get out. Took another 5 years before I cut it all out.
I’m married, have 3 beautiful children and just bought my first home. Life couldn’t be better and it humbles me sometimes to look back at how far I’ve come.
Proud of you man.
→ More replies (1)
6
u/TheBone_Zone Aug 10 '26
As someone who also attempted and has lived life to the absolute since that day 7 years ago (I skydived for the first time today :) ) thank you for your words.
Keep living
7
u/Oldnbold22 Aug 10 '26
This is wonderful! But I must know about this poo diaper.
→ More replies (1)
37
u/illnamethisaccount Aug 10 '26
So you were going to end yourself because your fiance wanted you to help more with your children? Lol Is that what made her “abusive”
32
u/space-sage Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
I had the same thought. From what information we have, it sounds like the fiance was asking if his apology was to their children. Threatening to or attempting suicide is selfish and can also be an abuse tactic to scare people into letting you do what you want.
And since I see no mention of a seven or eight year old in this update, seems like OP doesn’t have any responsibility for that child.
→ More replies (4)12
4
u/CeruleanEidolon Aug 10 '26
It could look like that from the screenshot, but obviously that's not enough to go on to arrive at such a cruel conclusion.
12
→ More replies (9)8
u/gm_91 Aug 10 '26
Do you really think that I tried to end my life because I had to change a diaper?
Some context: my ex did literally nothing for my kids since birth. And her lifestyle nearly resulted in the stillbirth of my youngest. She'd dodge highly necessary appointments my youngest needed to the point the cops would come to the house to make her go to the hospital. She'd beat me with frying pans, mace me in my sleep, slash tires, constantly threaten to leave with the kids if I didn't keep the booze flowing.
I wasn't threatening suicide because I had to change a diaper. She was raising hell because she had to, the day I got home from the grippy sock ward, because I was burying my dog she let into traffic while I was gone.
→ More replies (3)
6
u/minicpst Aug 10 '26
Still here!
I’ve gotten that last goodbye message. I’ve had the cops pull someone off the bridge for me.
Every day after that is a gift, and my bonus son is also turning his corner and finding his mojo. It’s as awesome to watch as I hope it is for him to experience.
You look like a kickass flower girl!
I’m writing this post listening to the Project Hail Mary soundtrack, and it is an absolutely epic soundtrack for choosing to live and making it happen.
6
6
u/eJollyRoger Aug 10 '26
I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you didn't turn into paste on some truckers grill.
Life is about lessons. Without the bad, we never would know what good really is.
I'm glad you're better now.
Keep on truckin'. ♥️
16
u/International_Bug955 Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
Thank you for your message. I love you. I wish for continuous happiness for you and your family. Also, if you're religious/spiritual, May (the) God(s) bless you. If you're not, may the Universe be evermore pleasant to live in and engrace your life with bliss.
Edit - I was so overcome by emotion reading your story that I forgot to comment on how motherfucking awesome your beard is! Absolute beard envy here! lol
16
u/Timyx Aug 10 '26
Do you keep in contact with the officer? I’m sure he’d love to hear this story.
→ More replies (1)
15
u/Ill_Carry_44 Aug 10 '26
Am I reading this wrong or are people really celebrating some guy abandoning his two kids...
→ More replies (5)6
14
6
u/Blue_Eyed_ME Aug 10 '26
Keep on living!!! I lost a beloved sister to suicide 14 months ago, and every day is another day of terrible grieving.
6
5
u/depressomartini Aug 10 '26
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly” - Marcus Aurelius
5
u/Yenolam777 Aug 10 '26
You give me hope for my son. He is 12 and suffers from anxiety and depression. I always fear someday he will try to hurt himself. He has a very hard time pushing through the everyday struggles of life. The world needs him, just like the world needs you. Thanks for posting, motherfucker 💕
14
u/bby-pink Aug 10 '26
So so glad you’re here and moving forward with life🩵 I’m so proud of you and incredibly grateful for the officer who saved you. I hope you have a beautiful life, friend
29
u/Aimsforgroin Aug 10 '26
Screenshot looks like you have 2-3 kids you abandoned is that right?
→ More replies (9)8
u/gm_91 Aug 10 '26
I have sole custody of my 2 children, and we are doing great now.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/lapitupp Aug 10 '26
Truly mean it. I don’t know you but I am so incredibly happy and fucking proud of you. Climbing out of your own personal hell is *hard*. Wish I could hug you and touch your beard in a very non creepy way. It looks so soft and then I’d ask you what conditioner you use haha! ♥️
5
u/crh517 Aug 10 '26
I am dealing with the loss of a dear friend to suicide back in April. He was a loving husband, father, and friend. I wish he read this message before he did it. I know you are absolutely making an impact on someone today by sharing this. Thank you ❤️🙏🏼 and I am so happy you’re here.
3
u/Best_Pants Aug 10 '26
Correct me if I'm wrong - sounds like you have 3 kids no? Hope you're able to maintain your relationship with all 3 in spite of your ex.
→ More replies (2)
5
u/Mishkin37 Aug 10 '26
Glad you’re here still, brother!
The flower girl part still has me giggling! That’s so damn awesome!
5
u/Exact_Discipline_562 Aug 10 '26
thank you for sticking around. my teenage son came to me less than a year ago with suicidal ideation, and it’s been a rough and wild ride, but i’m glad he’s still here. i’m glad you’re still here too stranger. 💖
→ More replies (1)
3
u/snugbuginarug Aug 10 '26
This made me so happy, for so many reasons. I’m glad you stuck around to kick it. It’s tough out here but rainbows make the cloudy days worth it. Almost 3 years since my last attempt. Posts like yours make me remember that we’re all here for a reason. Even if we don’t know the reason yet.
I’m a social worker that helps people with addiction and severe mental illness. I love my job and helping people with their recovery story. When I was at university still, I remember an incident of a young college kid hanging off the side of an overpass and I was the first person to see him. I pulled my car over and ran to talk to a stranger. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I remember telling someone nearby to call 911. He was telling me how difficult everything is and he’s a failure and he’s failed his family. I reflected on myself and my life as he talked to me about his. As soon as EMS rolled up and grabbed his arm on the other side, I ran to my car, drove to a parking garage at school, and hyperventilated.
I will NEVER forget that kid..his voice..the sunny day… the people recording on their phones... it was so surreal. I felt physically ill being so alone but surrounded by so many people. The bystander effect was too real. I think about him a lot and I hope he’s been doing well. I’m going to take this post a sign that he is doing well.
Thanks for posting, man. I hope you keep kicking ass. Even on our darkest day, there is always light ahead, just keep swimming.
4
u/commanderquill Aug 10 '26
Just because I haven't seen it mentioned yet: You prevented a nightmare those cops would never have forgotten. You gave them hope that they might be able to save someone on the brink of destruction. That's a very powerful thing.
4
u/tocahontas77 Aug 10 '26
Well you apparently have a fisticuffs appt with another redditor in 9 years. Something to look forward to! Lol.
No, I'm just kidding. But this is really amazing and I'm glad you're still here! I've thought about it so many times... Then I'm grateful I'm still here. Then the cycle repeats lol.
→ More replies (2)
4
u/SeldomHeardOfficial Aug 10 '26
I don't know you. But as I lay in bed tonight doomscrolling I came across this. And it just hits me how happy I am that you are still here. You matter, so beautiful that you are continuing the journey.
4
u/slayergrl99 Aug 10 '26
This forum has, more than once, been a reason for me to stay alive. I'm in a much better place right now because of regular meds and therapy, but when I was waiting for treatment and in so much emotional pain, just doomscrolling this group helped SO much.
Glad you're still here.
4
u/--yv35-- Aug 10 '26
❤️🍀🙌🏼🦾
on a sidenote: you and your brother should start a band, dressed just like in that picture 😉😎🎸🤙🏽
20
u/Garchompisbestboi Aug 10 '26
If this post is anything to go off of, it seems like you're someone who lives an extremely performative life.
→ More replies (2)19
u/RyanDoog123 Aug 10 '26
Right?? The screenshot of him simply messaging "Sorry, goodbye" like his like is a fucking hallmark movie.
19
u/Garchompisbestboi Aug 10 '26
Yeah honestly it just comes across as a father hiding behind mental illness as an excuse to neglect his children. Leaving a baby in an unchanged diaper for extended periods of time can lead to some pretty nasty medical issues so I'm curious just how "abusive" the ex partner actually was or if he just decided to call her abusive because she was protecting her children from him.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/jetlee7 Aug 10 '26
Wow props to those people who cared and called for help initially. And to those police officers who saw your humanity. I am so proud of you! And the world is a better place with you in it friend.
3
u/MeadowBrooke53 Aug 10 '26
There is so much joy in your flower girl photo. I am glad you were able to have that moment. And all the hard and chaotic and joyous and mundane moments in the past seven years as well. Keep going, brother. You are not alone in your journey. We will celebrate each step with you.
3
3
u/shecawgo Aug 10 '26
Lost my brother to suicide 16 years ago last Thursday. I still think about him almost everyday. I’m married now and sober. Wish he could’ve been here for these moments. Glad you’re still here, please don’t ever give up.
3
u/Monsterboogie007 Aug 10 '26
Man you have such a nice smile. Don’t know you at all, but glad you’re here. Lots of love
3
u/japinard Aug 10 '26
I hope this brings you a smile... but when I saw your post and your picture I had to imagine what this was about before I read your story. What my silly brain came up with was you were attacked by bees 7 years ago, and survived it. Because my crappy eyes looked at your left hand pic and did not see yellow confetti, but a swarm of bees lol :)
Needless to say I'm so happy you were pulled off that bridge and are still here today.
3
3
3
u/sderosa90 Aug 10 '26
I’m so proud of you brother… You give me strength. Keep going and make every day a memory. You’re the man!!
3
3
3
u/Complex_Plantain_273 Aug 10 '26
Been tired with juggling work and staying alive lately. Thank you. You're awesome, man!
3
u/CharterMember_PrezOf Aug 10 '26
I know I'm just an internet stranger, but I am proud of you and happy you're here 💚
3
u/wickrap Aug 10 '26
We need updates on a schedule... some folks don't or won't believe that things get better. There is hope when you can give hope. Not everyone can tell their story. There is hope.
3
u/cheaganvegan Aug 10 '26
I tried to off myself five years ago. Can’t say life is always amazing, but it definitely gave me a different outlook on life.
3
3
u/Successful_You_8433 Aug 10 '26
This brought a tear to my eye. Congrats and best wishes from Philadelphia.
3
3
u/Complex_Reporter_142 Aug 10 '26
A friend of my husband's son jumped off an overpass. My heart breaks for his mom to this day. I'm glad that cop was there to hold on to your shirt (and life) and I'm so glad you're still here.
3
3
u/Few_Soft308 Aug 10 '26
Thank you so much for sharing this dude. I lost my uncle to suicide and one of my aunts as well, and we're black and it's far less likely to occur in the black community unless there's a strong family link. Long story short I have that family link, severe suicidal depression if I don't regulate my depression enough in a timely fashion, and add to it I was in a horribly abusive relationship with someone who strangled me so hard, when I became conscious again, I was agonally breathing, and then strangled me again! I managed to get him off of me, and long story short, for the next year and a half after that (June 15th, 2023 was the day) I made over 17 attempts on my life. I was also heavily in the throws of substance abuse. Idk why I'm still here, but life gets a little brighter everyday and I'm glad I stayed. I'm glad you stayed too. Thank you for being so human and sharing your story. I hope and pray you continue to find the beauty in life, whether it's throwing shit or flowers your way. Genuinely made me cry and I'm so proud of you for how far you've come. I like to read up on other people who have survived too cause I always wonder what life would be like if my uncle made it through. If you're ever going through it again and you feel like you don't have anyone you can lean on, if you need me, I'm here for you. Seriously dude. I love you and take care of yourself. You deserve to live. You are worthy of life, happiness, peace, success, love, grace, blessings.
→ More replies (1)
3
3
u/echoscream Aug 10 '26
Thank you for staying.
The amount of hearts that would still be grieving for you to this day and beyond, had you gone through with it, would have been tremendous.
Thank you again for staying with us.
3
u/Alive_Drag1947 Aug 10 '26
I was passively suicidal for several years. Then the universe offered me a way out...
I was in a motorcycle crash and basically died. I was totally blacked out for about 36 hours, and the doctors told me if I'd arrived two minutes later, they wouldn't have been able to bring me back. Essentially an NDE.
I'm ready to go tomorrow if necessary, but I'm endlessly grateful for the bonus time I've had since then.
I'm glad you're still here with us, brother. Enjoy it while it lasts.
3
u/captainogbleedmore Aug 10 '26
I wish someone like the officer that stopped you was there for my son when he jumped. I'm glad you're still here, your story isn't over yet keep writing it. I hope I see you here again next year.
3
u/Mediocre_Catch_6959 Aug 10 '26
Are you and your brother part of a ZZ top cover band? Missed opportunity if not
→ More replies (1)
3
3
u/whateveratthispoint_ Aug 10 '26
This made me very tearful. I think it’s beautiful when we celebrate ourselves and life. Thanks for the inspiration!
3
3
u/Rich_Training_4956 Aug 10 '26
You look like an incredibly kind person, the world's a better place with you in it. Thanks for sticking around, I'm glad you're here.
3
u/AppalachianSon Aug 10 '26
Great beard, kind eyes. Reminds me of that comic where the guy would say nuff said
3
u/rob6094 Aug 10 '26
Hey brother, don't know if you'll see this but I really needed this. Been struggling a hell of a lot lately with the ol' mental health battle. Love to see you thriving and I hope to get there one day. You've been that little ray of light I needed today and thank you for it.
3
u/swansw9 Aug 10 '26
I’m so glad you’re still here! And I LOVE the photo of you and your brother as ‘flower girls’ - such glorious beards and so much joy!! Wishing you good health and many more happy years ahead of you.
3
u/Zestyclose-Ad-9420 Aug 10 '26
If it wasnt for that man the last words anyone said to you might have been "poo diaper"
3
3
u/Savvyeeenah Aug 10 '26
I am glad you are here (I’m still here too). 37 now. It’s been 20 years since my incident and the last calendar year has been the worst of my adult life. Thanks for reminding me to stay.
3
u/childishbambino1 Aug 10 '26
This is one of the most touching things I’ve ever read. It isn’t often that a reddit post makes me tear up but this absolutely did. You convey the feelings you were having back then so well that I couldn’t help but feel them too (in probably a fraction of the way you did, still though). But more importantly not just that, but also the feeling of relief from regaining your will to live. It’s genuinely, honestly inspiring and I’m so happy you chose to stay with us.
In all its tragedy and pain, this is beautiful OP, and you’ve made the world a slightly better and more hopeful place just by posting this. Thank you.
3
u/sunflowers142 Aug 10 '26
I am so glad you are still here, thank you for sharing your story 💜
You and I are the same age. I attempted coming up on 6 years ago. Thank goodness we both stayed 🫂
→ More replies (1)
3
u/SabishiRan Aug 10 '26
30 years of addiction left scars. Thanks for sharing! We can stay here.
See you next year Mofo!
3
u/tleague11 Aug 10 '26
As someone who was in your same boat only 3 years ago it brings me tears to see other people fighting and winning we can do this, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, AND FUCK EVERYONE ELSE WHO DISAGREES
3
u/GetEatenByAMouse Aug 10 '26
Thank you so much for sharing.
I got teary eyed reading this, knowing that you are still here and fighting on, actively enjoying your life. I'm also thinking of all the people you have already inspired and will continue to do so. Imagine how many lives you have already touched by staying.
You may have been the old police officer for someone else.
Keep on rocking, my friend!
3
u/Unfair_Highlight2142 Aug 10 '26
"Still here motherfucker" is going to be my mantra every morning. I don't know you, but I'm glad you're still here.
3
•
u/AutoModerator Aug 10 '26
Welcome to /r/MadeMeSmile. Please make sure you read our rules here.
Specifically, please don't be a jerk. This is not the place for insulting, hateful, or otherwise inappropriate comments. Remember the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated. We're all here to smile a little - let's keep it that way! Please report inappropriate comments and/or message the moderators.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.