partner doesn't want to spend holidays together

[u/fading-lilac]

I'm 24f and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and we live together. He's never come with me to a holiday with my family, but I visited his parents during last years Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Well, my parents just announced that they are getting divorced. I am happy for them, but obviously things have been kind of crazy and stressful dealing with them moving / planning things out. So now the holidays are also going to be weird / stressful / confusing. I tell my boyfriend I'd appreciate it if I could have some support during this time, and I'd like him to come with me to the holidays. And I said we can try to work it out so we can see both our families, like how I did it last year visiting his and mine.

Well he said, "I know holidays are important to you, but they aren't as much to me. So I'd like to be with my parents during it."

I'm not sure why it upset me so much, but I can't stop thinking about it. Like I'm genuinely reconsidering our entire relationship over it which sounds so dumb. Holidays ARE important to me which is why I want to be with my long term partner.

And I'm not upset about my parents getting divorced, it's the best decision for them. But dealing with it has been very stressful and I know it'll be worse during the holidays. To me, this is one of those times in life when you want to be able to lean on your partner for support.

I understand he wants to be with his family, I don't want to take that away. I just want to be able to find a compromise to visit both.

So idk it just made me so sad and I feel crazy

eta: i feel so validated lol thank you all 😭

[u/Gold-Sherbert-7550]

Sooo if holidays are no biggie to him, then why can’t he spend them with your family instead of his?

This isn’t about compromise. This man told you to your face that he does not care if something is important to you.

[u/KitaTheSage → u/Gold-Sherbert-7550]

Thank you, I was gonna say the same thing. I hope OP drops him like a bad habit. I know that's what everyone says on reddit everywhere, but all I can think is what happens when they get married? Or when they have a child? Is she always going to have to be the one who comprises?

[u/Mysterious-Kale-4842 → u/KitaTheSage]

Or when her parents' health is failing and they need help?

[u/Mysterious-Kale-4842 → u/Gold-Sherbert-7550]

Thank you, THIS! If theyre not a big deal to him then why does it matter where he spends it?!

[u/SapphosLemonBarEnvoy → u/Gold-Sherbert-7550]

More importantly he's just said that his birth family is more important than his chosen life partner family. 

Think very carefully if you want to be relying on this man as you grow older OP.

[u/MissMurderpants → u/Gold-Sherbert-7550]

It more sounds to me that HER family isn’t important to HIM.

[u/ejambu → u/Gold-Sherbert-7550]

This!

[u/usaskie → u/Gold-Sherbert-7550]

Exactly this! I feel like this is so upsetting because he’s basically saying, “I know this is important to you, but don’t wanna.” He’s only saying it doesn’t matter to him to deflect from the fact that he cares far more about his feelings than hers.

[u/PossessionNo3723 → u/Gold-Sherbert-7550]

That's exactly it.

[u/cowboythesis]

sorry, he knows it's important to you, and it's not as important to him, so he's NOT going to show up for you when you ask him to??? what the hell??????

[u/Pusheen_2020 → u/cowboythesis]

that was the part that stuck out to me too. If something is not super important to me, but important to my partner then obviously I’m gonna do whatever makes it better for them??

[u/somer_and_omchick → u/cowboythesis]

Yeah if it’s not important then you don’t care whether you see your parents or not so go be with your partner?!

[u/rratmannnn → u/somer_and_omchick]

This was what I thought too?? Like sorry, shouldn’t it be the opposite? If they’re not important then why don’t you do what the other person wants instead?

[u/fading-lilac → u/cowboythesis]

ur so right like i definitely think that is the part that was most upsetting 🫠

[u/cowboythesis → u/fading-lilac]

I'm so sorry babe but he is explicitly telling you that he's not willing to prioritize you when you're struggling purely because he doesn't feel like it. Good partners show up for you when you need them.

[u/jerseygirl414 → u/fading-lilac]

I’m sure you do things for him that aren’t important to you. Most people support their partners like that. Perhaps consider how much give vs take is going on in other areas of your relationship. This is a pretty big one IMO.

[u/yeanananana → u/cowboythesis]

Lmao right?? “I know this thing is very important to you but it’s not as important to me… so I’m just gonna go ahead and only do what I want and not what you want” wtffff

[u/Environmental-Joke19 → u/cowboythesis]

That part makes NO sense. I don't care about holidays, that's why we've spent every Thanksgiving and Christmas at his parents for 8 years (except 2020, that was so nice tbh we made a vegan feast 😋). If it doesn't matter to him then why does he have a preference where he goes?

I mean maybe his family is like my dad and brother back home who spend the holiday waiting for the pub to open in the afternoon 😂 sometimes I'd rather join that than drive across the state for his. But OP is SPECIFICALLY asking for him and he should be there!

This is a big red flag

[u/Appeltaart232 → u/cowboythesis]

I guess the partner part is in quotes

[u/HopefulLemon440 → u/cowboythesis]

Lmao right?

[u/Creepy_flamingo_22 → u/cowboythesis]

Exactly, it doesn’t make sense. If they aren’t as important to him, it should matter as much where he spends them.

[u/jerseygirl414 → u/cowboythesis]

Yeah- the math isn’t mathing there.

[u/Icy-Yellow3514]

If holidays are not important to him there is zero reason why he shouldn't spend them with you. He's choosing his comfort and convenience over your feelings. Three years in? I wouldn't be dealing with that shit.

[u/QuietWalk2505 → u/Icy-Yellow3514]

That's telling to OP he doesn't care about her. At all. For anything

[u/Weary_Spread_6212]

It doesn't sound dumb to me, because he doesn't care about holidays, but he prefers to spend them with his family, not yours, and when you ask him for emotional support, he refuses to be there. This is not about holidays to him; it's about lacking the decency to be there for you when you need him.

[u/Weary_Spread_6212 → u/Weary_Spread_6212]

Don't tie your emotional dependency to someone who doesn't care.

[u/meyyylmao → u/Weary_Spread_6212]

All of this. Also you’re 24, go live your life & spend your time with your family.

[u/hey_nonny_nonny82]

It's not dumb to reconsider your relationship if this is a deal breaker for you. You need to ask yourself if you want to stay with someone who does this every year. Because if it hasn't changed yet it mostly likely isn't going to.

[u/Joanna_Flock]

Holidays aren’t important to him but he’s going to spend the holiday with his family?

More like he knows they’re important to you but he only cares about what’s important to him.

[u/Financial_Nose_777]

Girl, I need you to hear me on this. I was you. For two whole different relationships, for a combined 11 years, I kept hoping THIS YEAR would be the year he finally decided that he cared as much about my happiness and traditions over the holidays as his own.

It never happened.

If holidays “aren’t important to him,” fine. Then it doesn’t matter who he spends them with. And because YOU are supposed to be important to HIM, he SHOULD care about your happiness.

But he doesn’t. He cares about not having to do anything that makes him uncomfortable, or sacrifice anything of his own.

This will NEVER get better. Hear me as the voice of future you, should you decide to stay with this guy.

People who love you will jump at the chance to make your life better. This guy is not it.

[u/Savage_Girl69]

You say you want a partner during this hard time to lean on and he's not willing to be a partner. He's not fulfilling the most basic expectations of a relationship. That's supposed to make you question it. It's not dumb of you. Quite the opposite.

[u/poetangel]

If the holidays aren’t important why does he even want to be with his parents?

Sorry but y’all aren’t compatible 😬 if you don’t see the holidays the same way right now it won’t ever work out that you do. Not sure your thoughts on kids but this would never work.

[u/trying-this42 → u/poetangel]

This isn’t about the holidays. It about being a decent partner. Your boyfriend isn’t going to be compatible with anyone long-term unless he becomes less selfish.

[u/whimsical_spider]

If holidays aren’t that important to him then why can’t he be flexible and spend some time with you and your family instead of only with his 🤔

Holidays are much more important to my partner and his family….kind of annoyingly so lol. My family doesn’t fuss over the holidays and part of my family doesn’t even celebrate Christmas. Because it’s important to him, I spend the holidays with his family and we do something low key with my mom and sisters around the holidays to even things out. If he knows it’s important to you and it isn’t that important to him, he should want to make the effort to make it a meaningful time.

[u/Corazon-Atomico-]

Girl leave him. If you get married are you always gonna have separate holidays??

[u/hekats]

It actually does not sound dumb to end the relationship. He straight up told you he doesn’t want to support you during a difficult time. Not only that he told you it wouldn’t be a big deal for him to be there to support you but he’s just not going to do it.

[u/DA2013]

Actually, this is a perfectly good reason to think about leaving him.

[u/dobbywankenobi94]

I’m sorry about your parents! Mine have been divorced since I was 17, 31 now, and yeah holidays can be tough and change a lot. Sending you a hug.

[u/fading-lilac → u/dobbywankenobi94]

thank you so much! 🥲🩷

[u/Euphoric_War_2195]

Yikes, huge red flag. Thus is a man you've been with for 3 years. Plus he knows this will be a stressful time for you. Yet he refuses to spend the holidays with you. This shows where his priorities lie. You deserve a partner who shows up for you when you need it.

[u/Mrsrightnyc]

It’s upsetting because what he’s basically saying is that you aren’t important to him. Dump him and find someone who wants to make you happy.

[u/n1shh]

He literally said “now it’s important to you but it’s not important to me”
Your needs are not important to him. And this is when things get tough, what about when someone passes? Or through a tough illness?
Sounds like he’s made it clear he’s unreliable

[u/sunshinewynter]

You are dating a selfish man. He doesn't care about what you need or want, only about himself. You have ignored this for 3 years. It will not change, because selfish people see no advantages to giving others what they want, only in getting what they want.

[u/Merrynpippin136]

Reconsidering your relationship over this is probably one of the smartest things you can do.

[u/AdTiny9304]

this sounds like “holidays with you is not important to me”.. if holidays wouldn’t matter why would he then decide or insist to spend them only with his parents? and so when is it convenient enough for him to support you when you need him? maybe you can time your problems and needs better next time lol?

[u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

can i ask* if it would bother you if you did like couple's christmas on christmas eve?

[u/SneakySquiggles → u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707]

The point isn’t necessarily them being together alone, it’s that OP is staring down the stress of the holidays being different with her parents during their divorce. She wants support at their events, not just holiday time together. Unless you were saying they should host? Which again with the divorce seems… awkward

[u/LePetitNeep]

If it’s not important to him that’s all the more reason for him to go along with what’s important to you.

You are right to reconsider the relationship. You asked him to support you in a difficult time and he said no. That’s worth reflecting on. Support when things are hard is one of the reasons to have a partner.

[u/kittenqt1]

One of my mottos in life is if it’s important to somebody else and not important to you, you do what’s important to the other person.

I’m sorry he doesn’t want to be there for the holidays, he doesn’t really sound like a sportive partner

[u/badtrips777]

wtf? One of the first things my ex and I did was figure out holidays. If we spent thanksgiving with his parents, we would go to mine Friday-Sunday to make up for it. We would literally travel 2.5 hours on Christmas so we could make that work too. Your boyfriend doesn’t care

[u/Apprehensive_Sun6282]

Wait. He knows the holidays are important to you so…. He’s gonna blow you off on the holidays?

I hope this guy is paying all your bills

[u/Wild_Pepper_2286]

I’m sorry OP. You reconsidering your relationship doesn’t sound dumb at all. My family is very important to me and we’re really close. My husband has a very strained relationship with his family and they aren’t close at all. I told my husband from the beginning of the relationship how important family was to me and how that would be a deal breaker if he wasn’t interested in maintaining that bond.

It’s very strange that in 3 years he’s never come with you to see your family and has never wanted to. He should want to show up for you especially during a stressful time. If holidays weren’t a big deal to him why can’t he compromise or give up one holiday with his parents to be with yours instead?

[u/Ok_Aardvark6820]

"I know holidays are important to you, but they aren't as much to me. So I'd like to be with my parents during it."

wtf? How does that make any sense?

[u/Gold_Department2811]

I would quit calling this person your partner.

[u/Practical_Fig_2023]

Please find someone new to spend your life with. This one is clearly defective.

[u/pinkybrain41]

Why are you calling him your partner? He’s your boyfriend and you probably go 50/50.

Stop legitimizing him. Just dump him

[u/No-Foundation-2165 → u/pinkybrain41]

This is really area dependent. Using the term partner is really common and interchangeable with boyfriend in some areas so let’s not get on OP for this

[u/Cheap-Translator7731]

i would dump a man for less.

[u/SignificanceWise2877]

If they are not important then he would have no problem coming with you. The mistake was doing both with his family last year, it should always be split unless one side does not want to see their family at all.

I would explain that they are are important to you which is why you are asking him to be there with you. If he says no then he will say no to other things that are important to you down the road and it's better to know now and break up

[u/Amylee888]

It’s not dumb to reconsider the relationship if you don’t feel supported or cared for in the ways that you need. You two may not be as compatible as you previously thought.

[u/BlueArya]

Nah cause the logic is completely backwards, if holidays aren't important to HIM then he should have no problem doing something different for them with you. Clearly they are so important to him that he will not budge on his plans for them at all. Hate when an excuse doesn't even make sense like try harder.

[u/miss-ferrous]

Sorry, I would get it if they DID matter to him, that he wants to spend them with his family, but it makes no sense that he’s like “I don’t care about holidays so I don’t want to give it up for one year and support you”

[u/funnyboneyoyo]

It's wild that your partner won't support you in this basic way, especially since the holidays ARE important to you and not to him. So logically, he should be happy to sacrifice a little time a his family over the holidays to spend time w you and yours, especially given the divorce and ensuing complications. Honestly, his lack of prioritizing your needs seems like a huge red flag. Is he like this otherwise? Seems very selfish and uncompromising

[u/Puzzleheaded_Ant6653]

Yeh you need to have a sit down conversation, or leave him. This man does not support you

[u/nyshopgirl]

Don’t have kids with this guy- all holidays will be spent at his parent’s and not yours.

[u/Muriness]

When I hear "Holidays aren't that important to me." It means to me "we can do whatever you-the person who does think holidays are important-want." He doesn't want to be around for a pivotal family time when you went with him last year to his family?

We used to go to my husband's parents for Thanksgiving cause he loves Thanksgiving and loved the food his family made at Thanksgiving. I happily went with him cause I don't give a shit about Thanksgiving but he loves it and I want him to be happy on the day he loves.

After 3 years, I would say this is something he should be supporting you with and if he is not, he ain't it.

[u/offdutychunli]

If it is not that important to him then why does it matter where he spends it?
Either way this is less about holidays and more about whether your partner of 3 years is willing to and can emotionally support you during a very difficult and confusing time…

What if one of your parents was very sick, god forbid. Or you were? Or face a major loss? Would it then matter what’s important to him vs what needs to be done for a partner and a relationship?

Do you plan to get married to this guy?

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[u/Butterbean-queen]

You need to cut your loses. You asked him for support and he told you to eff off. He doesn’t care about you.

[u/Abject_Spray_7088]

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[u/Thin-Disk4003]

OP, i am sorry that the stress of your parents divorcing is weighing you down. Totally understandable, even when it’s the right thing for them.

Is there any room for compromise here? Thanksgiving with one, Christmas with the other? Geographic challenges? Work considerations? It feels like there’s more information somewhere that may be helpful.

[u/Shark-Compote]

He's proven multiple times that he is an unsupportive partner. when people show you who they are, believe them

[u/Independent-Win-6661]

So he’s not open to compromising! That’s not fair on you. You‘ve been accommodating over the years seeing his parents. If he isn’t bothered about holidays why does he need to see his family?

Sadly he can’t be bothered to make the effort for you. I think you have a big decision to make. You’re going through a difficult time so you’re partner should be supporting you.

[u/tomboynik]

Dude, you guys are in compatible. But what bothers you now is really going to bother you later. My husband‘s family lives in the state we live in. Mine does not. He made a comment about not wanting to go out of town to the holidays with my family until his parents die. Six months later, my mom had a near fatal heart attack. I flat told him that you never know when somebody’s last Christmas is and it is only fair that it’s every other holiday or every other year for the holidays. That’s how grown-up relationships work. Add to it the fact that he completely disregard your needs for support. You deserve better.

[u/LettingHimLead]

It’s not dumb. Husband and I spent one Thanksgiving apart, since our families hosted at almost the same time, and it was draining trying to do both on the same day. Swore we’d never do it again and told our families we were staying home together on Thanksgiving and that they were welcome to come here if they’d like. Been hosting both families together ever since.

[u/Dear-Appeal-7007]

I started going out with my partner 21 years ago. He has spent the last 21 xmas' with my family 😂 I always thought that was the standard being the female in the relationship. I have loads of friends and only 1 of them spend xmas with the males side of the family and she only goes there for xmas because her family celebrates on xmas eve 😂. Your partner should at the very least do turn about! This would massively put me off him if im honest 🫠

[u/eaternallyhungry]

Your needs aren’t important to him, essentially. What a jerk.

[u/Bigtits321]

Because him saying I know the holidays are important to you but also let me spend time with my family, doesn’t make any sense. It’s so full of cognitive dissonance. I have an ex who hated my family just for existing. You’re better off spending the holiday with your family and the new year without him.

[u/Suspicious_Map4419]

2 things. 1: a good partner would support you in this time. 2: if the holidays aren't a super important thing to him, but they are to you, why can't he spend them with you then? Like, if they don't matter to him then why is he addament on doing it a certain way, you know?

[u/AlizarinQ]

He does care about the holidays, but he cares about the holidays such that he cares enough to spend it with his family. His family is important to him during the holidays.

He knows the holidays are important to you. He knows that it is especially important to you to see your family this specific holiday season. He knows you would find his support helpful this holiday season.

It is more important to him to spend his holidays with his family. Because, to him, your family and your holiday experience is not as important to him as spending that time with his family.

If someone “doesn’t care” about something they default to the option that makes their partner happy. He thinks verbally denying his own emotions will make his actions seem neutral. They aren’t. He is still prioritizing his family over you.

Do with that information what you will.

[u/thekidswontgoaway]

Rethinking it would be something I would do. They aren't important to him but he's going to go spend them with his family?

That's him showing you 1. You aren't top priority and never will be. 2. They are important but not enough to go with you, he rather be with his family.

Now imagine if you had kids? Would you want to do all that on your own? Because he's telling you now that's what will happen.

[u/alltheblarmyfiddlest]

So...

He point blank said the holidays are not all that important to him.

And as something akin to a result in some weird logic, he refuses to show up for something that's important to you but not important to him because ...?

OP, are there signs he genuinely likes you? Are there signs that he listens and takes what you say and tries to show up for you? What actions has he done, say within the last 9 months that showcase him showing up for you in this relationship between two people?

[u/rootsandchalice]

I bet this isn’t the only problem in the relationship, is it?

[u/Big-Piece5957]

The holidays are literally for cuddling up and being cozy together. If they don’t want to spend holidays together BREAK TF UP. Don’t put up with that shit. Respect yourself. Respect these holidays!!

[u/Small-Block-869]

Holidays aren’t important to him so he’d like to spend it with his parents???? in what universe does that make sense ? You’d think since they’re not important he’d be fine going wherever. How hurtful to have a partner that isn’t willing to offer you support when you are asking for it. You shouldn’t even have to ask for it. Sorry OP, he seems like an asshole.

[u/msdeezee]

He said exactly the wrong thing when you asked your PARTNER for support. If he can't see why that would upset you, then I'm questioning his basic intelligence on top of his decency as a human being. You are not overreacting. Hugs.

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[u/Chasing_joy]

He’s not telling the truth that he doesn’t care about holidays. He does. He cares about spending them with his family and not with you.

[u/FeonixHSVRC]

Same. We have to alternate years btwn 3 places per my divorced parents. :(. It gets easier once your parents are in their own committed relationships.

[u/MonstrrSkye]

If he didn't care about the holidays and knows they're important to you it sounds like, unless something serious were preventing him, he'd take a small chunk out of the holidays to visit with you and your family, especially to emotionally support you during a rather big life event for your family. I don't think it's dumb to reconsider your relationship over this because this is how he's gunna react over everything forever. What's important to you should be important to him and your partner should want to spend time with you.

[u/assorted_toe_beans]

Wow, he had the lamest most nonsensical excuse ever. He needs to elaborate on this and have a more in-depth discussion with you on what is really the issue here.

[u/CoffeeOrDestroy]

Like others here have said: if the holidays aren’t important to him, he would show up for your needs.

Instead he has done you the favor of showing you who he really is. He is selfish. Will do his own thing especially if your thing comes with stress.

When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. It will save you so much heartache in the future.

How many other red flags have you glossed over in this relationship?

[u/Relative_Pepper6607]

Oh babe, see the other post about enmeshed men. This guy is married to his parents.

RUN RUN away!!!!

Sorry about your parents divorce. Please get therapy so you have support through it too.

[u/StuffonBookshelfs]

This man isn’t your partner.

[u/julesk]

He’s being illogical and self centered. If he doesn’t care about holidays, it’s nbd to spend some time with yours. If he truly loved you, he’d care about holidays and this situation because of you.

[u/LeatherRecord2142]

Your partner forgot about the partner part. You know, the one where you are partners. Sis, your instincts are dead-on here. This should be a wake-up call. You don’t, in fact, have a partner. I’m so sorry, but better now than later. Sending love!

[u/EdgeKey5631]

Very valid to feel that way. Can I ask what the scoops of butter looking stuff is? That salad looks amazing

[u/Intrepid_Quit_3028]

He loves you, right? Does he like your family? Is there any reason that he doesn't want to be there? I gotta ask because that isn't a question being asked.

[u/West-Aioli4021]

Guuuurl. I had an ex that expected me to understand that he spent his holidays every year... every holiday with this ex wife and kids... mind you the kids were in high school and college. OH and btw I wasn't allowed. Yeah he got dumped.

[u/Neither-Ad9120]

I used to think it was more important to spend holidays with my family than my partner, but the one time I did Christmas without him, I was so sad! We have communicated that we spend holidays together now, and we try to split holidays between our families, rotating Christmas/thanksgiving each year.
That has obviously not been perfect in practice, and big events/work will make it so that things have to change, but my partner understands their importance to me, and we both make sacrifices so that it’s as close to equal as possible, and everybody is happy.
I am sorry your partner has not had the same reaction. I understand you rethinking everything, so that the immediate answer isn’t just, “dump him” it could definitely be another conversation, but if he is unwilling to see your side of things…
Holidays are a big deal to some people, and while your partner doesn’t have to see it the same way, they need to see that it is important to you, and respond accordingly, rather than brushing your feelings off.

[u/Ok-Trainer3150]

At 3 years, I'd expect both parties to be on board with whatever plans they come up with. Hosting his family at your place for a change? Not sure how you'd be celebrating with your own parents, given the divorce but it sounds complicated. Are you thinking that you're going to marry this guy? Then holidays will become a bigger issue.

[u/leiawars]

You need to sit with this a minute and really think about it. Are there other areas in your life where he isn’t supportive? Does he not show up when you need him? Are his wants and needs always first?

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[u/LongjumpingAd833]

It doesn’t sound like he wants to part in any of your life, don’t want to spend time with your family but his is the exception?
My past relationship, I did all of this and followed wherever he wants to go. It broke my time with my friends/family that I loss. He’s isolating you and he knows that you would have no one to turn to but only him. Quite bit of a narcissistic person that I could tell right away. He threw ideas like marriage or saying whatever to make me happy to stay, but he’s just love-bombing you to stay and know that you would stick with him no matter what. I would ask you this, would he do as much as you would for him? There is no equal setting between his actions versus yours. Safe yourself from that actually would be there for you and would acknowledge your stance and feelings.

[u/Midnight_uprising]

No, it's not dumb, OP. You've asked for company and support during a tricky time in your life and he couldn't care less. I'm not going to say you should dump him (yet), but if after a hard talk he doesn't change his attitude you'd rather be single

[u/64green]

He’s showing you that he won’t be around to support you during the times you need him. Yeah, labor and delivery are important to you, but not so much to me, so imma skip out. Stop nagging me already! (That may be a reach, but I wouldn’t stick around to find out.)

[u/dont_know_throwaway]

This isn't a partner, sis.  Im sorry to tell you.  

[u/ValPrism]

It upsets you because it's illogical. If holidays are less important to him, then it's reasonable to expect him to be more flexible about where he spends them, not more determined to spend them with his parents.

Not to mention he just told you flat out that he's unconcerned with your feelings and will not be there for you when you when you need him to be. Even when you overtly spell it out for him.

[u/AKIcegirl]

The reason you feel this way isn’t the holiday or the divorce. It is because the man you spent 3 years building a relationship with just proved to you that your feelings and needs don’t matter to him. He isn’t going to be supportive or there for you. He has no empathy or compassion for you. So your subconscious is probably wondering if he really loves you, if he’s capable of it and is this a healthy relationship or is he treading water until someone comes along that he wants to do that for.

[u/Iheartchocolate37]

The fact that you have to ask you partner for support when you’re going through something is red flag #1 🚩

The fact that he doesn’t feel the holidays aren’t important but won’t spend time with you family
Red flag #2 🚩

You don’t agree on how to handle holidays now and the things you prioritize are not important to him. End it, you are no longer a good fit for each other

[u/Wolvii_404]

they aren't as much to me. So I'd like to be with my parents during it.

That doesn't make any sense?? Lmaooo

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[u/Plenty_Kangaroo5224]

OP, he’s not a partner, he’s a roommate. If you have to explain why you need support after asking for it, that’s very clear. You should listen to what he’s telling you. He won’t ever be there for you. You’re too young to waste your life with someone like this. You deserve better. Rip off the bandaid. Just go.

[u/nononomayoo]

So sad wow reconsidering does not sound dumb at all!! Get free girl

[u/star-67]

Sounds like what he’s really saying is you and your family are not as important to him as his family. After hearing that, are you ok with spending your life with this person? And more decades of holidays?

[u/HolaGataEang1221]

Have you ever talked to him about why the holidays are important to you? I see a lot of people have mentioned being confused by him saying that the holidays aren't as important to him and how he'd rather just spend them with his family. I can understand people being put off by that and questioning why he doesn't just spend them with you if they aren't as important to him. But if the holidays genuinely aren't important to him and he doesn't really understand the big deal about them, then he might not understand why it means so much for him to be there with you for the holidays since he's never felt that way. Or maybe he feels weird or out of place for whatever reason during the holidays. A conversation should be had regardless. I wouldn't jump to him not caring about you or your feelings, but maybe he just can't relate for whatever reason so it's hard to be supportive the way you need him to be. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/Puzzled-Farmer4692]

All i got from this is "I don't really care that something is important to you, I only care about what I want to do". I'd seriously be reconsidering the whole relationship too, and it wouldn't just be about the holidays (even though he will claim it will be). It's about care, consideration and showing up for your partner.

Sorry you're dealing with someone who feels pretty selfish to me

[u/lololy3]

Just saying, this is a big deal. Your partner refuses to spend time with your family, especially during a time you need his emotional support, and he's bouncing off to be with his family...again. You are making all the effort.

[u/apobangpo_13]

Does he know what he said made no sense cuz if it's not important to you then why do you care where you spend it as long as you're with your partner.

[u/LDS1952]

You two are adults. If you want to be with your folks, go. Leave him to do whatever. He’s not going to change. He’s a sorta “boyfriend” not a partner.

[u/Altruistic_Sky5770]

Why do I get the feeling there's a different reason he's avoiding spending time on holidays... His excuse isn't adding up... If you've got any gut feelings, follow em girl