r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Weary_Internet_9802 APPROVED✨ • 18h ago
Advice Needed Am I being unreasonable NSFW
Food is ramen
My boyfriend plays cyberpunk 2077, I'm generally aware the game is generally nsfw and includes sex scenes etc which I'm okay with because It's optional...
We were having lunch and I recently heard about something called jigjig street, apparently it's like a prostitution cite or something, I jokingly asked him what is it, and if he can show it to me, he got super defensive and started laughing saying hell no, I kinda got a bit sketchy because I thought he doesn't hide stuff from me, I'm aware I'm being insecure here but I then kinda felt sick to my stomach because we agreed prior when he downloaded the game that he'll not actively look/ play the avoidable sex scenes if they don't serve the plot.
Fast forward I started being a bit distant and started crying because of me misunderstanding that the sex scenes are explicit or like a porn simulator with ganitals, his first reaction was to immediately get extremely angry at me and kept saying what you think I'm playing a porn game, I explained to him that I'm not mad I just thought it's intercourse simulation with ganitals, which I'm still not okay with(I'm working on my insecurities and I'm aware some people are okay with it and I hope one day I can be too) he got extremely mad and started screaming at me because I cried I know I shouldn't cry over pixels but I'm more heartbroken that he wasn't enthusiastic about showing me, and I'm a very emotional gal so I can't control my tears, I'm also extremely distraught about the screaming instead of explaining stuff to me kindly, Am I overreacting?
NSFW tag just in case because of the topic
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u/AutomaticIdeal6685 FREE MOM HUGS 18h ago
You over reacted but that doesnt justify screaming at you. What age are you both?
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u/Weary_Internet_9802 APPROVED✨ 18h ago
Both early 20s
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u/potpourri_sludge Resident Yapper 17h ago
What is it with your generation being so puritanical and weird about sex?
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u/Fetagirl Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 18h ago
Okay so I play cyber punk and unless he’s on PC and using mods the sex scenes are not explicit. Like you know what’s happening but it’s not pornographic so I don’t understand why he’s being weird about it. And yes Jig Jig street is a thing but it’s one female and one male NPC so it’s not like he has options fr. The game is actually really fucking good, but again, if he’s using mods to be a gooner then he sucks
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 18h ago
Sweet years. Enjoy the drama. It will get stiff in your late 20s. Like I am friends with two 20 y.o. girls right now and participating in discussions of their stories is the most fun I had lol.
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u/louie_snow 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 18h ago
I don't think it's appropriate to refer to this as "drama" when this is clearly someone in an abusive relationship.
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
Clearly? One can argue that trying to set control over another person’s video-games could also align with “abuse”. They are both just kids and there is no need to over react. Making a bold statement of it being abusive relationships just because the other person has less appealing defence mechanisms is inappropriate in my perspective
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u/LemonadeLemur 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 17h ago
Saying “enjoy the drama” to someone who is crying because their partner just screamed at them is batshit
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u/karmicallykorrect Let The 🥭 17h ago
You don't think saying "enjoy the drama" was an inappropriate statement to make to this situation?
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u/louie_snow 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 17h ago
She was uncomfortable because she misunderstood what happens in the game. Instead of having a calm and kind discussion about it to reassure her, he SCREAMED AT HER IN ANGER UNTIL SHE CRIED. There is no excuse for that. "Less than appealing defence mechanisms" is an insane way to describe screaming at your girlfriend. Who the hell taught you otherwise.
"They're both just kids so there's no need to overreact" No. You don't teach little girls to accept when little boys hit them or pull their hair at school because "they're just kids so it doesn't matter at this age". That's called teaching young girls to accept abuse from boys. At any age.
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
Surely there was no prior context and we are safe to judge solely of how she sees the situation. Both are wrong. Both are kids. No one screams without a reason. If she would say that instead of crying she screamed out of desperation no one would judge. As we shouldn’t judge the other kid as well
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u/sweetgrl019 hot girls have tummy troubles 17h ago
Exactly. Couples fight, its normal and healthy. A sensitive, self described “very emotional gal so I cant control my tears” crying during a fight is not inherently abusive. Raising your voice in frustration isn’t abuse. Its unpleasant but not every unpleasant experience in a relationship is abuse. Treating your partner with kid gloves is unhealthy and bizarre. People are allowed to react, talk about it, and move forward.
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
Careful. You might get downvoted for this adult take. Not very welcome in this comment section
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u/iluvLeonKennedy4life APPROVED✨ 17h ago
Not screaming at your partner isn’t treating them with kid gloves tf
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
Many people(specifically young) can manipulate with tears. We learn that early. So one might argue that sublimating your own emotions because other person is crying isn’t fair or particularly healthy. It’s not okay if it’s happening EVERY time. But more thank okay if it was emotional for both of them.
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u/louie_snow 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 17h ago
Hey so having fights where voices are raised over issues that could be worked out in a calm discussion is actually not normal or healthy for a relationship
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
She could also not cry but stay calm. Or couldn’t she?
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u/sweetgrl019 hot girls have tummy troubles 12h ago
Hey yeah so they’re both young as hell and there’s a learning curve to the entire relationship thing x communication x managing your emotions thing. It is not something people are inherently capable of. We don’t know how emotional outbursts were treated in their households or if they were allowed to process that to begin with growing up. They both have a lot to learn, and unlearn. Sounds like the entire situation was super tense and stressful for the both of them, they deserve some grace. Its okay to not have every interaction go perfectly, specifically this instance where one person is internalizing a lot and ruminating on their insecurities.
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u/louie_snow 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 17h ago
I'm sorry that you've been conditioned to believe that there are acceptable, forgivable reasons for a man to scream in rage at his crying girlfriend.
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
One kid screaming at another is more appropriate way to put it. There are numerous scientific research proving that brain development is pretty much far from developed when a person is 20ish. They scream because they might not have other behavioural models. Parent, internal trauma, etc. many things. Your judgemental perspective does nothing helpful for neither of them.
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u/CatraGirl 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 18h ago
You're both overreacting. Your reaction to the game is concerning tbh, but him screaming at you is still not okay, and a major red flag.
So yeah, getting upset over Cyberpunk's very soft sex scenes is not it. You should work on that insecurity. But him screaming at you means he's not a safe partner and you should probably leave. Not because of the game, but because of the rest.
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
Maybe he screams because it’s his defence mechanism and he feels violated?
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u/iluvLeonKennedy4life APPROVED✨ 17h ago
Sis you’re making us look bad
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
It’s just another social construct that should be debunked in my opinion. People have different personalities. I have two nephews and two nieces. They all have absolutely different reactions to similar situations.
Nephew 1 is crying and making a huge drama out of it.
Nephew 2 looks for a place to be alone and silently processing everything (might cry a little). Sometimes he screams but then it just appears that he judges himself too much and screams out of anger towards himself.
Niece 1 SCREAMS.
Niece 2 tricky hellish incarnate she is. Got upset with her father and stole like 300 dollars from him for that lol.3
u/CatraGirl 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 17h ago
Yeah, I did that too. When I was 15. But this is not sane, stable adult behaviour and certainly isn't a way to act towards a partner. Verbal abuse is still abuse.
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 17h ago
They are not adults.
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u/CatraGirl 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 16h ago
They're early 20ies according to OP, not teens. So no. They are at an age where that behaviour is inexcusable as anything other than abuse.
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u/LemonadeLemur 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 17h ago
Okay, and? Someone who screams at their partner as a defense mechanism shouldn’t be in that relationship
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 16h ago
Good thing it’s not up to you to decide wether or not someone should be in a specific relationship.
Would be real fun if it just happened to be that the person in question was growing up in a household where emotions were sublimated until bursted out. Grown people talk to each other, use logic and find a common ground. Kids are judging. As it should be.
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u/LemonadeLemur 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 16h ago
Sure, you are free to feel that screaming at your partner is heathy and ok if you so wish. If you think that anything about the situation is healthy on either side, we disagree. I think it will be incredibly hard for OP and her bf to both grow as people and with their communication skills when their individual issues are directly feeding into each other the way it is. I am not going to advise a young woman to stay in an explosive situation when she already has things she should likely work on individually. That is all.
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 16h ago
First I agree with some of the takes above as they don’t have any dissonance with what I was saying.
Putting words into my mouth by saying “you are free to feel that screaming is healthy” is a bias therefore you are being wrong. I said that I don’t consider it an abuse. I have never said that it is healthy. For me it is as unhealthy as crying over the things in question. What I don’t like is that social construct make people believe that somehow a person just chooses to scream rather than cry for example. But it doesn’t work like that. They have different temperament and experiences. Therefore when she is frustrated she cries and when he is frustrated he screams. Both are unhealthy. Both are okay. I hope they both learn to control their emotions and thinking one day. But meanwhile they are kids they can enjoy the bliss of ignorance and struggle because your partner watches porn/ your partner doesn’t like your video game
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u/LemonadeLemur 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 16h ago
I’m sorry, I thought you were the one who said in another comment that fights like these are healthy and normal but I went back and it was a reply to your comment thread by someone else. That’s what I was referring to but I see now it was another user using those words.
I do get what you mean about different personalities and temperaments. I just think some personalities aren’t meant to mix.
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u/RevolutionaryText749 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 16h ago
No. I am the “Eastern European man” as you referred to me earlier
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u/louie_snow 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 17h ago
Okay i'm realising you're just a troll account rage baiting lmao. This is insane.
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u/Lexunia hot girls have tummy troubles 18h ago
first off, he should NOT be screaming at you. literally ever. you’re both adults, you should be able to communicate like adults. i completely understand crying and getting overwhelmed by that, this was not an overreaction, absolutely no one wants to get screamed at by their partner, and this would be a hard boundary to draw with him if it elicits this kind of reaction from you.
however.
i’m trying to word this delicately, but this is insecurity and fear about the sexual content he consumes is concerning. RPG (role-playing game) sex scenes/romance are not real. they’re lines of code and carefully edited dialogue and animated rigs put together by a team of people. it’s the video game equivalent of reading a spicier romance novel; the sex scenes are part of a romance story being told. especially in the case of Cyberpunk, which is not a porn simulator, it is an RPG. Baldur’s Gate 3 is another (fantasy) example of this, with a similar level of sexual content.
you can always try playing the game yourself rather than watching him; i would imagine due to the discomfort you’ve expressed he doesn’t want to have a watch party because it’s a bit like being in the same room with your parents and being paranoid a sex scene is just going to pop up on screen like a jumpscare. i’m just guessing, though. he needs to learn to communicate like a fucking adult.
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u/karmicallykorrect Let The 🥭 18h ago
The screaming at you is unnecessary but I do wonder how you're communicating your insecurities here. If you're constantly crying it could come across as you being emotionally manipulative. Video games are supposed to be fun and for a lot of us players it's a way to blow off some steam and escape reality a little bit. I get there are boundaries, but if this is something you're constantly micromanaging to make sure he isn't encroaching on, that could get frustrating. I am not saying how he reacted is right, it's not. It's not healthy to scream at someone. But it's also not healthy for you to hound someone when they're just trying to play a game. Also you could google this jigjig street yourself if you want to see it? It gives you just want to see if he knows what it is and if he's been on it and that gives controlling. So...I would say overreaction is happening both ways based on the context.
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u/Weary_Internet_9802 APPROVED✨ 17h ago
I asked him if I can see the street and asked him about it he said the sex was optional and he didn't wanna show me the street, and told me there's sex scenes that are unavoidable, I instantly felt heavy and started being shaky because I wrongly misunderstood that as being actual detailed sex like genetalia and all which is why I was a bit withdrawn and asked him for clarification, he then started screaming at me and that made me cry and he got angry because I cried
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u/bibopskiwop BRB 🎮 FOOD 17h ago
there is no genitalia and the sex scenes are not explicit. I’d argue that the sections of the game where your character has to commit mass murder is more explicit, lmao. there’s gameplay online if you’re genuinely interested in seeing those parts so you can see they’re not explicit
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u/karmicallykorrect Let The 🥭 17h ago
You could google the answer to all of these questions you have about this game to be honest. You're on Reddit, there are plenty of players on here. There's a sub for it. Are you assuming he got mad because you cried or did he actually say that? Also he may just frustrated that he can't play this game without you hounding him about what you do not understand. Seems like you both could benefit from some therapy to work on communication skills and you may need your own individual therapy to manage your emotions in a healthy way. Or.....let that man go because this doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic to be in.
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u/Lady_Lucia19 18h ago
I can tell you sex/sexy scenes in video games are usually funny or cringey over actually sexy. 🤣 You are overreacting, and I'd also get frustrated with you but I wouldn't yell at you over it
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u/Grouchy-Ingenuity-59 APPROVED✨ 18h ago
Girl, it's a game. It's basically futuristic GTA. The focus in that game is killing shit
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u/Weary_Internet_9802 APPROVED✨ 18h ago
I know that, I'm an extremely emotional girl so I cry whenever I feel even slightly sad, I'm okay with him playing the game, just kinda sad he wasn't enthusiastic about showing me
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u/TraumaCookie Carb-Based Life Form 18h ago
To be honest, I would feel weird about my partner wanting me to be enthusiastic about showing them the sexual content of a videogame. It's one thing to want to watch your partner gaming, but asking to see the sexual content specifically hits differently. If you really want to know what the content is, you have the Internet at your fingertips.
He should not scream at you, though.
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u/glitterqueenn Creature of Crunch 18h ago
I feel like overreacting and making you feel weird for asking questions is a big red flag. There's also no reason for him to get so defensive when that part of the game is barely pornographic.
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u/Grouchy-Ingenuity-59 APPROVED✨ 18h ago
I think he just might be embarrassed to show you that. Also definitely should not be extremely angry at you over this though. This one of those situations where kindness and understanding should be tantamount
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u/dark-elf997 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 18h ago
As someone who’s played the game, yeah you’re overreacting, but he absolutly should not have yelled at you like that. That’s the part that’s much more concerning to me.
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u/Silently_Spectating 🧂Salty By Nature 18h ago
While your fears are unreasonable and you're definitely overthinking this, your boyfriend of all people should know that you are sensitive and handle the situation accordingly. A gentle explanation might have had a much better outcome than a scolding that reduced you to tears
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u/LemonadeLemur 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 18h ago
It sounds more like you’re crying because he was yelling at you rather than crying over the game itself, do you think that’s accurate?
Anyway, the focus of the game isn’t the sex itself so I do think it’s a bit much to get insecure over it, unless there are preexisting issues like porn addiction or something. Getting worked up over that will just negatively impact you. I think it’s reasonable to cry when somebody is screaming at you though.
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u/Weary_Internet_9802 APPROVED✨ 18h ago
I think so, I'm also aware the game isn't a porn game, I just misunderstood him due to bad wording when I asked him prior and thought it's like a first POV intercourse simulator, which is why he screamed at me and then I started crying which made him even more angry
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u/ca11iop3 Yappy Yenta 18h ago
game aside, if he raises his voice at you and then gets angry when you react understandably to it by crying i believe that’s a red flag :-(
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u/LemonadeLemur 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 18h ago
Him screaming at you is horrible. Does he do that often? It’s even worse to then get even more angry because you’re crying. I’m very sensitive as well so I tend to cry when I feel sad or angry and I get hurt easily and it’s exhausting to be with someone who isn’t able to be gentle with me in those moments. Even if you overreacted to the game, there’s no excuse for screaming. There are plenty of other ways for him to express annoyance or frustration that don’t involve cruelty.
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u/SpaceCastaway 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 18h ago
You both had an emotional reaction, that's a human thing to have. You guys should probably talk it through, but I'm concerned that when you tried to explain your reaction he screamed at you. Are you two comfortable sharing intimate topics, do you casually talk about sex and what you like etc?
Please let him know you don't appreciate him screaming at you, draw this line and stick to it. If he ever does it again, reinforce your boundaries. It's okay to cry but don't let him walk over you
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u/embunny1513 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 17h ago
He overreacted back, but you definitely also overreacted. Let me try to explain it… when I played thru, my character slept with everyone possible (only 4 ppl). It’s more of a novelty in the game. It’s a few seconds long, and you don’t put them on in the game to get turned on or anything. It’s more like “haha wow I can’t believe this is in a game”. And I’m also a girl who isn’t very ok with porn stuff. I wouldn’t call it a sex simulator either as the player can’t even interact with it, only watch for a few seconds.
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u/ResponsibleFeeling58 🩵 Trans Babe 🩷 18h ago
You both over react.
From the sound of it, without you putting any ages in your post, I'm going to guess you're both 8-12 years old
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u/Virtual-Grand-2456 APPROVED✨ 18h ago
His overreaction is a bigger red flag than him playing the game imo
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u/glitterqueenn Creature of Crunch 18h ago
As someone who played the game, basically what happens is you link up with a sex worker character and then it shows a super short cutscene with them engaging in sex acts with your character but the genitalia isn't shown. It's nothing special. His reaction is very disproportionate to the situation. He should have openly told you about that part of the game because frankly, there's no excessive nudity. Now, are you allowed to still find the idea of him playing that part of the game uncomfortable? Absolutely. Then he should disclose what kind of scenes he's exposed to since they upset you. Every relationship is different. Me personally, I play lots of videogames and read a lot of smut so I literally wouldn't care if my boyfriend did the same. But of course, if you're not exposed to sexual content, then it makes sense you don't want your bf to be and that is an important boundary to set. Don't be afraid to voice your discomfort. His upset was completely uncalled for. The sex scenes themselves are not even that explicit so I really don't understand why he overreacted. Can I ask you something? Does he watch actual porn on the side? Because he got wayy too upset over this.
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u/DrWilli Enby with Food Envy 18h ago
You both overreacted. He for screaming at you after he broke your agreement and you for even needing this agreement. But if I had to choose I'd say his overreaction is worse and you both should be single for now. He is a P.O.S., which might be unsalvageable, but for you there is hope you just need to grow up.
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u/ChampagneCobra APPROVED✨ 17h ago
While you are lightly overreacting, your emotions to his response are valid. That was his chance to step in and reassure you. When has getting defensive and mean EVER made someone see reason? Literally never. He got defensive and mean when he could have been reassuring. You’re both young - work on communications skills. You both need to apologize to each other, but him more so because screaming isn’t ok. Takes time to learn how to communicate because everyone is a bit different but you’ll get there.
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u/louie_snow 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 18h ago edited 18h ago
You are absolutely not overreacting by being distraught that he screamed at you. That is absolutely insane, oh my god. It is never EVER normal, or acceptable, or okay, for your partner to scream at you in anger, over a benign misunderstanding. That is abusive. Your boyfriend is abusive. A loving partner in a healthy relationship would never, EVER scream at you over something like this.
Also, you don't need to push yourself to be okay with things that don't feel okay in your gut. If something your partner is doing/looking at makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to discuss it with them openly so that you can work together to come to whatever understanding and agreement you both feel is best.
Your boyfriend isn't capable of doing this because he is an abusive manbaby.
Edit - does anyone want to explain to me why i'm getting downvoted for pointing out that your boyfiriend screaming at you in anger, and then screaming even more because he's made you cry, is abusive?
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u/user905022 APPROVED✨ 18h ago
ive had the exact same fight with my boyfriend about the exact same game... i too overreacted like you did but he knew how much it affected me so he just deleted the game. at the end of the day to him my feelings were worth more than a video game.
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u/FreyaDragomir APPROVED✨ 17h ago
My partners I have two and I am in a poly triad both play read and listen to a variety of soft porn like things. Cyberpunk being a favorite of mine. I don’t take stuff in games very seriously. Or comics or videos or whatever. One of my all time favorite comics and videos games and movies has lots of stuff like that bloodrayne. That being said if it’s a boundary for you tell him. Tell him hey this makes me uncomfortable and then analyze why it does. You might be comparing yourself to characters and other women. Which I did a lot when I was insecure about myself.
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u/Necessary_Mention859 Certified Snacker 18h ago
He shouldn't have yelled at you but honestly girl yeah you need to work on your insecurities. Getting stressed over a video game having nudity or explicit scenes is a bit of an overreaction too.