r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 • 20h ago
Sad Girl Dinner ⛈️ second place on the roster and it's killing me but idk why
basically been seeing a guy for abt a week in a very casual and friendly manner. he's a complete whore (no negative connotation) like bc easily over 100 if not hundreds, multiple dates a day diff girl every night type shit. i don't mind that part really cause im not one to judge and he's genuinely chill as hell and I enjoy him as a friend regardless of whatever else.
im ngl he's very very much my type, im very attracted and a lot of our worldview and oddly niche stuff aligns to be brief. however due to like general life circumstances and things I wouldn't want anything serious now with him even if it was on the table which it really wasnt from the beginning, maybe in a further out future if circumstances align at a different place in life type thing yk. but I never thought either of us would be considering smth serious bc we both just came out of long term relationships and are in weird life positions yk.
last night we were hanging out and I (maybe stupidly) asked where I ranked on the roster. he said 2 out of 3 rn (he's traveling) but also that he felt weird ranking me at all bc we're more friendly. I feel like if it had ended there it would've been fine, just that didnt bother me bc I wouldnt have asked if i thought i actually cared abt the answer given that we're friends. that was abt what I was expecting anyways but he went on later to say that he would probably date girl #1 if he was here long term. i also saw them texting cause he has a billion people to respond to so he's on his phone a lot. their dynamic is a lot more cutesy/flirty whereas ours has basically always been super platonic (im like that with all romantic prospects though, just my preference).
I think he could tell it bothered me a bit at the time just in the sense that nobody really loves being told that someone literally likes them less than someone else and like watching her fuss over him over text being sick at home (my home, with me, which was obviously left out lmao). he brought it up again before he left bc i think he felt bad to be like oh it's not your fault / something you can control just general life stuff yk which i brushed off bc I get it 😭 didnt need to hear the comment again
idk why but that somehow fucked me over emotionally so bad, i cried a bit quietly then and then this morning since he left i've been crying constantly and feeling like I need to vomit/retching even while literally being in public. i have no idea why i'm having such a visceral reaction. it very much feels like it's coming from my body and not my rational mind, maybe just amplified by hunger or tiredness or hormones or smth idk, but it's such a strong awful feeling.
i can't understand what the base of this emotion is bc I'm not insecure in myself at all, I'm not jealous. im not wanting him to pick me or whatever cause i objectively dont think he should and I dont think it's because there's anything wrong w me. obviously I also barely know this guy and based off what I do know i didnt want anything anyways, so why is the concept of him wanting to date someone wrecking me so badly... idk I'll get over it it really isn't that serious at all, just trying to understand why I had such a severe reaction
bacon toast and smoothie
edit: this got way bigger than I expected so yes I have now accepted that acknowledging I shouldn't have feelings for him doesnt mean I didnt and that not wanting anything serious doesnt mean I didnt want him to want me yk. I do still think he is a good person who is unfortunately a sex addict although yes should not have been on his phone so much lmao. also I will be getting tested. also a large part of the crying is probably just hormonal something as I have been crying over random nothing for days now. also yes i am/have been in therapy. also I DID NOT MAKE THE BACON it was at a café like a week or two ago and I did not get sick
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u/rolo133 Carb-Based Life Form 20h ago
let me just put that bacon back in the frying pan for you
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u/palebabbu PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 20h ago
Help I was like "is this some really deep analogy for something"
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 20h ago
is it that bad
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u/Fabulous-Garage8848 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 20h ago
Yes... I don't even eat bacon and I can see that is undercooked
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u/matthewsmugmanager Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 19h ago
I was thinking that bacon that undercooked could even be contributing to OP's vomiting issue.
Eeep.
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u/hissnoise ⚐ Marked Safe From My Almondmom 19h ago
Yeah, eating raw or undercooked pork is not a great idea
Neither is staying with a man who makes you dry heave
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u/wanderrslut I ❤️ Other People's Business 19h ago
Time to leave the man and the bacon...in the pan to fry a little longer.
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u/uptiedand8 Plate Scraper 19h ago
And it’s not even an option to “stay with,” because in his mind, there’s never been a “together.” Nor does it seem like he wants that with OP ever in the future. I’ll borrow some incel terminology for a sec to say that “continuing to orbit” may be a bit more accurate.
It’s funny, I see posts on men’s subs by guys who were totally fine with just being friends with a girl they happen to be incredibly attracted to, then one day she says something that finally wakes him up to that 1) he’s very into her, and 2) he is sad and angry and somewhat devastated at not being chosen to be more than a friend and loathes the prospect of her getting with the man she is choosing to date. And the comments are full of commiseration over her taking advantage of him, negative assumptions are made about the guy she picked, and it turns into a women ☕️ session.
This is 100% the reverse of that. And like with those posts, I feel bad for OP, and I think she should end the friendship because it’s making her very unhappy. I do not think this dude did her wrong. He was transparent and never pretended to her that the relationship was anything more than it was. No assholes here, just a shitty mismatch which is a shame.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 18h ago
hard agree tyyy I did notice myself doing exactly that like trying to play the long game. I do think my perception of him has changed a good bit (obviously its been a week lmao) and I will be able to safely lose feelings cause im icked out now
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u/Round_Ad9031 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 19h ago
It’s not undercooked honey it’s just not cooked “american style” i.e. to a crisp. I’m Australian and this is standard café-level cooked.
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u/Sauve- FREE MOM HUGS 19h ago
What cafes are you hitting up? Lol. As a fellow Aussie this bacon is still squealing at me.
I’ve never had my bacon cooked/uncooked like this before- mind you it’s never crispy either, but it’s certainly more cooked than this. A extra 5 mins wouldn’t have hurt lol.3
u/Round_Ad9031 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 19h ago
Maybe times have changed bc in this economy I’m not hitting up jack shit anymore. But looks within the range of “done-ness” for the average Melbourne café to me
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u/ativamnesia APPROVED✨ 19h ago
girl you’re going to get worms please please please cook it more you’re stressing me out please look into how to properly cook bacon 😭
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u/Lem0nadeLola Cleavage Crumb Collector 17h ago
This is how we eat it in New Zealand too - I can’t stand the crunch bacon of America. But we also have better quality bacon and widely available different cuts.
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u/rose_elle Eating For Two 💕 20h ago
Ok but let’s be entirely realistic here: you casually asked a guy who you've known for a week and who sleeps with a different girl every night where you "ranked on the roster” and now you are shocked that being placed in second behind a "cutesy" girl. And his response is making you cry and dry heave in public. You can write essays trying to convince us that you aren't insecure or jealous but people who genuinely only want a "super platonic" dynamic do not ask to be ranked against other women and then fall apart when they don't get first place. Your rational mind is working overtime in deep denial but your visceral and nauseous reaction is your body violently rejecting the massive cognitive dissonance of pretending you didn't catch feelings for a walking red flag 😅
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u/fairybone I ❤️ Other People's Business 19h ago
literallllllllly this lmao. trying to read OP’s “rationalizations” and be like “but im definitely sooo not bothered” was fucking rough and cringe to read. you do care, and you are jealous, and probably insecure. and its ok! i was there too once upon a time.
girl, please get up. youve known him a week. you need to be first to someone—i know the appeal/fantasy of being the “first” person in the roster for someone who has a million people on the line is a great toxic validation boost to self esteem but its not worth it. you are amazing just inherently being you.
sounds like you should cut this loose because you actually CANT handle not being the number one and it IS hurting you (given youre puking and what not) sooo. focus on yourself for a change and being the number one to yourself?
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
the kind of brutal honesty i come here for thanks 😭😭 not gonna bother trying to defend myself appreciate the perspective
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u/UnsharpenedSwan Tangent Tour Guide 🔀 19h ago
good for you! while we’re here and being brutally honest — babe please look up the word “platonic” it doesn’t mean what you think it means 😭
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u/RedDora89 I ❤️ Other People's Business 19h ago
This is how I read it. I’m not sure if the OP is trying to convince us, or herself, about her true feelings for this guy.
OP - you’re in too deep. Cut it off.
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u/thors-beergut Well-Read & Well-Fed 20h ago
Leave a man who makes you nauseous and cook your bacon until it stops looking raw.
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u/ElectronicAd5847 APPROVED✨ 20h ago edited 20h ago
Babe I'm sorry but I think this arrangement as it stands is just not for you, and you can't force it to be. You're judging yourself too harshly for your reaction to this. Calling it severe/treating it like an overreaction discounts your true feelings, and it seems like there's some denial going on.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 20h ago
perhaps you're right, I knew it probably wasnt gonna be good for me but I just wanted the experience given that it was only gonna be a week or two and how much harm could it possibly do yk. it's been interesting at the least
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u/ElectronicAd5847 APPROVED✨ 20h ago
Yeah I mean this is good information for you to take forward in your life. That's a great thing. I did see you mentioned wanting to be friends with this guy in response to another comment, and I do have to agree that I don't think that's a wise idea 😭
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u/openforinc For the Girls 👅 20h ago
“my steak is raw and my butter is rancid, but i keep eating it” girl leave this entire situation. No man who wants, cares, and respects you puts you in this situation. But also if you love, care, and respect yourself, don’t stick around for it. Seriously
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u/Entitledspider APPROVED✨ 20h ago
It's your ego. Time to move on. Who wants to sit there while he's texting all the time, boring.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 20h ago
yes this actually does drive me up the wall and is helping me move on lmao people on their phones is a pet peeve of mine
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u/Sensitive-Salary7388 Body By Cheese 🧀 20h ago
People on phones is one thing. A man that you were actively sleeping with (I'm assuming? Or at least having romantic/dating activities with even if you claim it's more "platonic") texting other WOMEN WHILE HE'S WITH YOU is actually insane
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u/billy_a_books Non-binary & Nourished 20h ago
Get up, but also get up and put the bacon back in the pan
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u/terrierhead hot girls have tummy troubles 20h ago
You should listen to your body. This arrangement is making you sick. Time to leave it behind.
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u/ElderberryWeird5018 Resident Yapper 20h ago
Girl.. why in the world do you care about what this man thinks of you, if I’m being completely honest I think you need better self respect cause the fact your hanging out with a man who is a literal sleez ball who’s actively texting another girl while at your house (and she doesn’t know any of this)… you very clearly have some sort of romantic feelings for him and that’s why it’s bothering you.
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u/Grimmquilled_ Maneater 20h ago edited 20h ago
Most men wouldn't tell a girl that because they want to keep her around. Sounds like he was comfortable telling you because he knows you'll stick around
That's. Not a good thing.
Low-key u gotta stand up. Hes playing in your face cuz he thinks he can. Prove him wrong.
It's okay to feel like ass because your feelings are hurt, that's not silly. But don't let those feelings dictate how you handle this just because you feel bad now. Drop that dead weight lmao it'll make you feel lighter eventually
Food looks bomb btw
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u/master-baiterrr APPROVED✨ 20h ago
Why is that bacon oinking at me 😭 the fat actually looks raw girl??
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u/Bike_thief_ Short Story Long™️ 20h ago
Sounds like you’re either too sensitive for a casual relationship or you like him too much. Also he sounds like a douche. Leave.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
I think I do like him too much but it's okay ill like a better one even more then 😊😊
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u/JenninMiami Pantry Gremlin 20h ago
Girl, he made sure to tell you thaf he has sex with multiple women a day, every day, remember? He doesn’t have time for you. Move on.
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u/Purple_Contract_9193 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
Every single day I question why my fellow women are letting these types of men have access to their bodies…
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u/ExactApplication3981 Chaotic But Cute 20h ago
Girl... Why are you with a man that will most likely give you hpv given with how many women he sleeps.
Also he tells you you could be number 1, so you ll keep competing for his attention. Disgusting
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u/D_epresso_Coffee Cleavage Crumb Collector 20h ago
It doesn't sound like you're being honest with yourself. You say you're casual and wouldn't date him rn even if it was on the table but you still ask how you rank in comparison to his other girls? C'mon. If you genuinely are casual and genuinely though you wouldn't be number 1, why are you even asking?
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u/MisakiDoll75 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
You say you really don’t care, but deep down, it’s obvious you do. Do you really think this is healthy???
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
no, probably not, but i think I'm learning which is what I value the most
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u/UnicornArachnid APPROVED✨ 20h ago
Why are you entertaining this?
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 20h ago
bc im insane and delusional (bc i like him as a friend and am trying to restrain the insane and delusional part so I can be a normal person and have friends)
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u/Puzzled-Farmer4692 we listen and we only judge a little 20h ago
Girl, it's been one week. It's casual. You know he has a different girl every night. Tbh I'm surprised you're on the roster as it's so early, there hasn't even been enough time for rotation.
You said you've come out of a long term and you're super attracted to him. I think you may have attached and projected more of this thing than what the reality is and that's why its giving you pain. Give yourself some time, and grace. Go eat, have a hot shower, watch a movie. Talk to more people, date around a little bit. This is just a bit of rawness and feelings you gotta get through when you start getting back into dating scene.
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u/NoOrchid2148 APPROVED✨ 20h ago
This was hard to read both due to the poor writing and the content. Nothing you wrote makes sense in the context of “Ive been seeing this guy for about a week.” you’ve “always been super platonic.” Like for the whole week? Stop and find some self-respect please.
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u/Strawberryloves APPROVED✨ 20h ago
If I eat something bad I puke it up. Your body was tryna tell you to get rid of his goofy ass.
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u/ihatehormonalacne I ❤️ Other People's Business 20h ago
He has a different girl every night and you care about what his ranking of women is… why? Stop talking to him and gain self confidence if you’re looking for something serious, you’re not gonna get it from him
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u/Square_Point_5677 FREE MOM HUGS 19h ago
👏IT’S👏BEEN👏A👏WEEK👏
Spiraling over this is ridiculous. You don’t even know him.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
I know!!! but I dont wanna overlook my body's reaction and the emotions im feeling yk
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u/Due-Transition-6564 APPROVED✨ 18h ago edited 18h ago
I don't actually believe you have serious feelings for a guy you barely know that you're in denial of.
I think this is about your ego, your core beliefs, and your core emotional desires. You may not want this specific guy at this particular time to choose you over his other options, but you do want to be chosen, prioritized, and preferred over all other options in general. Most women do, when it comes to romance. You're not reacting to his rejection and to him subordinating you. You're reacting to the abstract feeling of being second best, rejected, subordinated, etc.
I know nothing about your childhood, your parents, etc, but chances are, your intense reaction to these feelings goes back to shit in your childhood, likely involving your parents. That kinda baggage gets triggered the most in the area of romantic/sexual relationships.
So, I believe you when you say you don't actually want this guy for a boyfriend, that you're okay with casual, etc. That can be true AND you can be upset, on a deeper, subconscious, nervous system level that somebody said point blank that you are not his number one choice, that you're just one option on the list, etc. Most people would be upset by that to some degree. (Respect to women who truly wouldn't care even a little.)
Besides sensitivity to being made less important to something or someone else, which likely started in childhood, it's also likely that hearing this shit from the guy wounded your ego. The ego is the part of us that believes we are the most important person in the world and it seeks confirmation of that all the time. It's the part of us that wants to feel better than other people, that wants our needs and desires satisfied at all costs, that cares only for the self and not others. Everybody has an ego, and nobody likes having it kicked, bruised, wounded, etc. Your ego wants to be this guy's first choice even if you don't actually want him or reciprocate. What the ego wants is proof that you're the best, the favorite, the preferred, etc. It's irrelevant whether you feel the same way toward another person. The ego wants everyone you engage with to feel that way about you.
Usually, we don't ask people so directly where we rank for them, and when we do, most people will lie to make us feel good or else evade the question. So it's rare we have to hear so bluntly that we are not #1. I guarantee most people would feel like shit to some degree if they did have to hear that from anybody they had even a superficial appreciation for.
Edit: Your choice to get involved with this guy is itself ego-driven. The logic being, "If I get involved with this man whore who gets attention from a lot of women constantly and he ends up preferring me over all the other options, that would make me feel way better about myself than if I was wanted and chosen by a man who has few or no other options. I want to enter the competition in this guy's life for the thrill of winning it, rather than pursue someone who isn't wanted by anyone else."
Unfortunately, it backfired because right now, you're in 2nd place.
But you can decide to get off the roster altogether and consciously choose to attract someone who likes you so much, he doesn't see the point in considering anyone else.
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u/NewControl2820 mouth full, gesturing wildly 18h ago
This is so so well put! I feel its not an u common feeling, ive felt similarly before when my exes got a new partner despite me ending things and obviously not wanting to be involved with them anymore and wishing them well. Just something about being replaced in that number one spot didnt sit well with my ego. Honestly a bit toxic and completely irrational but here we are! :D
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 18h ago
riiight this actually just happened to me too so I think that might be hitting me as well 😭
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u/GazelleAbject1832 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
Maybe it’s an STI.. girl you are sleeping with all of the people he is sleeping with. How can you be ok with that?
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
naivety and my own recent std scare which yes I know should have the opposite effect
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u/EccentricInsomniac17 what that mouth do is snack 20h ago
What are you doing???😭
You get casual situationships and then you get whatever dumpster fire this is💀
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 20h ago
wdym short term long distance age gap alcoholic fwb isnt normal or healthy 😭😭😭
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u/medusa_plays hot girls have tummy troubles 19h ago
Okay, be so fr right now, you've got to be trolling us at this point. If not you need to find some self respect.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
but also yes that comment was satirical obviously I'm aware this whole situation is not ideal
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u/fawntive what that mouth do is gossip 20h ago
You’re pretending you like him less than you do and you’ll only get hurt in the end. This isn’t a guy you can have a future with.
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u/Holiday_Strategy_291 🧂Salty By Nature 19h ago
I know I’m getting old for sounding like this but…
This is not normal.
The whole hookup culture, no commitments to anything, justifying just about every single toxic behaviour, deranged interaction and “personality” type.
People are supposed to care about each other, commit to each other, build trust and experiences, and learn together. This creates real culture and stability. Whether it’s friends, family or relationships.
Accepting and perpetuating this behaviour is not something to scratch your head about. It’s teenage rebellion and it should stop after a certain age when you give up being selfish and stop relying on others approval.
We are all too immature, and it took me too damn long as well to figure this out.
You ache and you cry cause it’s disgusting, cause your body knows this is not natural.
We’re not supposed to use each other and be this uncaring to ourselves. This is a waste of time, with no care or focus on the other person.
Better off alone for a while to clear your head, get help and spend time with people that you can respect and admire. Not people that have no character and just waste their time in vice dragging others down with them.
This depravity is still being encouraged and normalised too much, to the point that we all feel empty and have no role models to look up too. At least don’t contribute to it, heal, and you never know what else you might experience in life. Not everything is granted, but no need to act desperate and look for trashy situations.
You gain nothing from this if you keep it going, there as so many beautiful things out there to concern yourself with, things that will help you grow up and develop. And you will meet interesting people that actually want to spend time with you and build an actual relationship. Be it young love or long time commitment.
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u/Optimal-Trainer-9933 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
Is sex really that important to you that you'd attack your own feelings of self worth, your ego and dignity enough to cry a river and throw up?
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u/SpookyPotatoes 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ 19h ago
Girl going to therapy and reading more books will change E V E R Y T H I N G for you.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 18h ago
I have been in therapy for a long time and read a lot 😭 I think some things only get through my head once I experience them firsthand
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u/Overall-Ad-9757 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 18h ago
Even if he’s casually seeing you being on your phone constantly with other people when you’re with someone else platonic or not is just fucking rude.
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u/lauren_fit APPROVED✨ 20h ago
Go read margarita nazrenkos book please and stay away from men until you completely love and adore yourself the way you should!!
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u/leisa2100 Menu Menace 20h ago
Eeww get over him, who the hell wants a guy that’s a “complete whore”? He sounds gross. Surely you can pine over someone better.
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u/SnooCapers8259 Feral Til Fed 20h ago
i hear you not wanting to be judgmental and thats cool! but sinking that much time and investment into sex is a red flag. this guy's made a whole 9-5 out of it and is putting in overtime. like it sounds like homie's escaping life and THATS what the red flag is. it could be tinder it could be gambling it could be pokemon cards- that part doesn't matter. the problem is it seems to take WAY too high priority.
HOWEVER- and i am you, i have been you, and i still have pieces of this in me, so i say this with so much love- your body's screaming at you about emotions you're denying yourself. you gotta take a BIG break from this guy at least until you've cleared out how you're feeling and figured out how to approach this relationship/similar ones in the future.
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u/Top-Pomegranate4899 Kid Crumbs Connoisseur 20h ago
Yikes why would you be interested in a walking std? Please choose yourself and know your worth. The sooner the better, this world will break you down if you don't snap out of it.
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u/saltyseabadger Kitchen Witch 20h ago
It's ok to admit you like him more than you want to let on. It's also ok to be upset about it. But please don't stay in this position to be "the cool girl" who is ok being second place on a "roster" (ew). Have a little sad fest with some snacks and pyjamas and a good cry, and then stop seeing this dude and find someone who wants you and only you. Not everyone is cut out for casual and there's nothing wrong with that.
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u/moreinternettrash APPROVED✨ 20h ago
girl… please dont let this invertebrate into your vagina. or your life. he isnt a friend. there isnt a vibe. he’s a hobosexual, taking up space on your sofa and using your wifi. block, delete, and cook that limp bacon before you get food poisoning.
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u/Mundane_Law1657 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 19h ago
Girl u not cut out to be a player if you’re catching feelings after cracking 😭😭😭😭 sorry
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u/No-Acanthisitta2012 🧂Salty By Nature 19h ago
girl you have feelings. Kinda cringe to be all “I don’t want anything serious” when cleaning you kinda do. But also, that’s what these guys will do to you… they so non-chalant that they make us want to be picked so badly. Cut it off now.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
yeah I think I confused knowing that I logistically dont want anything serious with not still having those emotions both can be true
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u/Kumbaynah what that mouth do is snack 18h ago
You want to be picked. Not unusual but it doesn’t work the way you think it does.
Why are you giving this guy anything?
You probably aren’t as compatible as you think either. Just get a few more numbers above him on your roster til you feel better, then focus on yourself until you don’t need a man to choose you.
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u/Grand_Pomegranate671 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
This is one of the reasons I stopped sleeping around. It sounds like you call him a friend only to convince yourself that's what you are but I think your mind got attached to him differently. It's going to be ok. Don't worry. You'll get over him.
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u/mommabaker_2025 Resident Yapper 19h ago
I had a relationship just like this when I was 18 the guy was 32 he was my first sexual relationship. I knew logically that it was never gonna be anything real or healthy . We did a lot of LSD together and he would get me extremely drunk almost every time we hung out. Needless to say I got attached. We would only see each other at night I was 18 and inexperienced what can I say? I Eventually found out I was one of many and that he was trying to have an actual relationship with this other chick. It was a lame situation and logically I knew it was toxic and bad for me from the start! But he was so intoxicating and I just wanted attention I look back on that time now 10 years later and I’m ashamed of my self for allowing someone to treat me so poorly like I had no value!
I know now that I do have value and I deserve respect and so do you! Don’t let him do you like that find people to hangout with that are actually good people!
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u/wanderrslut I ❤️ Other People's Business 19h ago
girl go to the mirror and repeat 'i'm a bad bitch' in the mirror 100 times and remember who tf you are.
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u/doctor-wu-75 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 19h ago
Please please please trust what your body is telling you. Please stop trying to rationalize and explain this away. Your body is telling you that something is off and you do not feel safe. Things can be wrong for you without needing explanation.
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u/prettykitty697 Pantry Gremlin 19h ago
Maybe you’re having this reaction because being on a man’s roster is disgusting!
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u/WhatICantShare APPROVED✨ 19h ago
The fact that you "objectively know you shouldn't be together" doesn't mean your body and your feelings agree with you. The first step is actually admitting to yourself that you do care, and also understand it's not a pursuable relationship. That's not a nice spot to be in, but suppressing it won't help you.
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u/boring5ever Femininom(nomnomnom)enon 19h ago
You are giving too much energy towards getting picked and seeking male validation. It’s sad. You’re not a pick me, you’re a Bird. Not every bird is a pick me, but every pick me is a bird. You seek male attention and validation to your detriment. You abandon yourself for the sake of pleasing men.
Quit pining over losers and find real problems. What are you using this dude to distract you from? Are you agonizing over someone unattainable because you’re avoiding real commitment?
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u/Sailorgirl200 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 19h ago
This doesn’t seem “ casual “ on your end 😬. You can’t control your emotions but you can certainly control your actions and I think it might be a good idea to distance yourself from this man and reflect on how you truly feel. But tbh the man doesn’t seem all that he sounds very typical ngl
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u/FearingPerception Internet Auntie 20h ago
Thats… not treating u well. Do urself the favor of removing urself from the roster. Onto better things that u deserve
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u/AdmirableCost5692 girl du fromage 🧀 20h ago
If someone tried serving that as bacon in the uk, they would be jailed
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u/Firm_Distribution999 Foraging Bog Witch 20h ago
Choose yourself over whatever this is…
Accepting being someone’s nth choice, not first choice, is low self worth.
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u/rainforestdip 🍍+ 🍕 19h ago
It’s killing you because you want to be number one and that’s fine and normal. Don’t keep lying to yourself
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
at the end of the day yes I gotta stop pretending like not wanting something serious with him somehow prevents me from being sad that he doesnt want me
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u/rainforestdip 🍍+ 🍕 19h ago
Precisely queen. It’s normal to want to be wanted. You can be casually hooking up and still want to be the only one.
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u/GameLuren Chaotic But Cute 19h ago
That smoothie looks more cooked than that bacon. "Rare' is not an option when cooking bacon, which could be the cause of the retching.
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u/dalalxyz Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 19h ago
You hardly know this person and are projecting a lot of emotions onto him. You are not ready to be dating and this type of dynamic specifically is not healthy for someone like you, and that’s okay. But this is a very unhealthy level of attachment and communication and you need to continue reflecting on why you’re behaving in this way, and seek help from trusted people in your life and even a therapist if you are able. Clearly you know this is not an okay place to be at and I’m glad you’re taking the step of writing this out for perspective, but you urgently need to stop seeing this person and focus on your own emotional wellbeing and regulation skills.
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u/RedDora89 I ❤️ Other People's Business 19h ago
Girl it’s been a week and you’re already in deeeeep. You need to walk away. This casual situationship is not the one for you. ITS BEEN A WEEK!
Edit to add: GET TESTED
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u/Grossredditgross Chaotic But Cute 19h ago
When I was doing hookups I did an 8 week rule. I would only hookup and see the guy for 8 weeks because after 8 weeks someone would catch feelings.
It worked but I was also monogamous! Did this for about a year. Had a few, but in the end it felt kind of shitty without the connection.
AND there was at least 3 std scares. I think I spent 600 dollars on std panels that year. NOT worth it!!
I really wished that I didn’t care about men back then! I just wish that I just focused on being a girlie pop and dilly dallied all day long. I think I would have been a stronger more confident person if I didn’t let men use me like a hotel.
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u/unamujerloca 🍋 Bitter Baddie 🍋 18h ago
THAT was completely optional to ask btw 💔💔 you ruined your own mood by asking your “super platonic” friend that. You should get to terms with yourself that , you are jealous and you do care. Give it time and I am sure you’ll be fine in a few weeks if not days.
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u/jyecsnstrl Food for Thot 💭 18h ago
Ahhh I had this same physical response to a man I was seeing "casually" who obviously didn't give a fuck about me beyond sex and I was pretending I didn't have strong feelings for. I was constantly nauseous and every time I thought about him/he texted me I would want to throw up. I think it was my body telling me to RUN RUN LIKE ABSOLUTE HELL
I didn't and he dropped me like litter. Felt terrible!! Listen to your body!!! She knows!!!
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u/UltimateKittyloaf Creature of Crunch 18h ago
You don't have to answer this here, but I'm just wondering if you're on a new birth control or anything.
When I was in highschool, I went with a friend to get birth control because she didn't want to go alone. It was the depo provera shot. That stuff messed me up hard. It lasted for 3 months and I think I spent half the time crying over stuff that genuinely wouldn't have bothered me at any other time. Even while it was happening, I knew these weren't things that truly bothered me. I still cried though.
I've been on other bc since then with way better results, but I was all messed up again when I was pregnant. I'd say or do stuff that felt super out of character even while I was doing it.
I wasn't allowed to lift anything over 8lbs when I was pregnant (things weren't going great). One day I burnt popcorn in the microwave, built a ramp out of cardboard boxes, and slid that bad boy out the door, down a flight of stairs, and pushed the whole microwave into the bushes.
Maybe you just have hardcore abandonment issues, but the way you describe crying without really understanding why you're crying reminds me of those times I was going through serious hormonal imbalances.
If that sounds like it might be a thing, see a gynecologist. Sometimes our bodies are just doing too much - no medication necessary. In general, doctor's are way less "women are just weird and broken 🤷" than they used to be so hopefully you'll get one that'll listen.
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u/oggishlespider 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 20h ago
Dont tolerate that, ghost him because if something happened to her and you stuck around he'll always be like "i miss her" and nothing you could have with him would be real. He would always feel like he "settled" when you could be the cat's pajamas to someone else who sees you as their first or the only choice they want to make.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 20h ago
he's also barely known her for any time 😭 he has so many options that it will always be like this. i think yk it's like I said I wouldn't even want to date him without serious and genuine behavioral lock ins over a long period of time. believe it or not i do run a strict program seriously speaking i just go crazy when its casual
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u/Normal_Trust3562 Overthinker 💭 18h ago
Multiple dates a day? Does this fucking loser have a job? He’s triangulating you and looks like it’s been successful.
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u/infinitecatparty APPROVED✨ 20h ago
It’s cool to be a whore (no negative connotation like you said) it’s okay to want something casual, it’s okay for people to have multiple partners. It’s not cool to ask somebody a question that you don’t really want to hear the answer to, it’s not cool for him to talk about other humans in such weird disparaging rankings, it’s not cool that you feel so strongly about somebody you’ve known for a week (for your sake). Humans don’t do well with rejection even if they’re not emotionally invested. If you want causal sex you’ll have to work on having strong boundaries and not internalizing stuff- no shade, I think those are helpful things to do anyway. It doesn’t sound like it’s worth pursuing sex with him further. Hope you feel better soon
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 20h ago
agree thank you. I knew all these things but just didn't apply them well enough in practice ig. will be learning moving forward lmao
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u/Only_Reference_9282 hot sauce in my bag, swag 20h ago
please reread what you wrote, pretend it was your best friend telling you this bullshit, and then fucking think sister.
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u/Only_Reference_9282 hot sauce in my bag, swag 20h ago
i’m sorry. that was harsh. this post just really stressed me out. you deserve so much better, please know you deserve better. half of this post read like you were trying to convince yourself this whole situation is totally normal and fine. “yk” like no girl i do not know because this isn’t normal or healthy!! this man is using you with no intention of ever being in a relationship with you. the way you excuse him being on his phone constantly during his dates with you because he has so many other girls to juggle??? why why why!!! like please just reread it and stop trying to rationalize it. some things are just irrational.
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20h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 20h ago
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u/dalegribble2012 Shart Coochie Board Architect 20h ago
You might just need to accept that you are just not built to see people casually. Maybe you want to be, but you’re not. Also pork has come a long way in terms of being safe for eating if it’s pink but I think you’re gone too far
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u/SquishySnail 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 19h ago
Oof. Shouldn't have asked that loaded question. Do take some time to yourself to think about why you even wanted to ask that.
You are one of many women in his contacts list. I am all for sex positivity and FWB situations if all parties are on the same page. But based on your description, you may not realize you aren't on the page you thought you were on.
Take some time to reevaluate your current situation. I think it's good he is leaving. I also don't think you should maintain the fwb even tenuously. I would say don't even remain friends. Your body is telling you things your consciousness doesn't wanna hear.
Are you also having other men in your dating life? Because it all sounds one way (which is a big warning sign about where your mind and wellbeing is).
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 19h ago
I do also date / have a kind of roster of my own which he knows although obviously not to the same extent just bc my dating pool is smaller and i would say i have higher standards overall. I do wonder why I asked, I guess exactly so this would happen yk, like rose colored glasses lifted? because this really was what I expected to hear i just wanted it confirmed ig
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u/SquishySnail 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 18h ago
I'm glad you're not in too deep. I hope you feel better. Life is full of experiences that we learn and grow from. 💖 You will come out stronger because you're not shying away from something that isn't hitting right.
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u/MamaStobez APPROVED✨ 19h ago
Treat yourself for parasites, it’s probably worms from the raw pork messing up your brain 😳
Seriously, none of us like not being picked first, it’s fine to feel bad about it, don’t put yourself in positions where someone isn’t going to pick you, I’m sure he’s cool and all that but what he’s doing really is not nice.
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u/jadelikethestone chismosa, metiche, en bata 19h ago
You want to be chosen. Nothing wrong with that. But you need to learn to chose yourself first.
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19h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 19h ago
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u/PiercingBL00D Internet Auntie 19h ago
Girl just block him. There are so many more men you can hook up causally. If it is giving you that much of an issue it’s time to go. And obviously you have more feelings than you like to admit. I would step away from him and find someone else. This isn’t good for you or for him.
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u/Early_Mountain_5790 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 18h ago
a lot of people are giving tough love, so i really don't think you need to hear another one. instead, i'll just say that you are a smart, beautiful woman with so much to offer and you really are too good to keep yourself in this position. men loveee getting their egos stroked. i know you asked, but he genuinely didn't need to add that part. intentional or not, that was very ignorant on his end and it wasn't what you asked. not to mention the fact that he was flirting with her while in your home! whatever the deal with, that was really uncouth of him.
also, on the bright side, at least you know clearly where you stand with him. maybe the first girl doesn't know, at least you aren't her (no shade to her though). you are blessed with this knowledge, you should move accordingly. take care of you and be kind to you, too. you're young, you're hot, you're single! you're the youngest you will ever be, do whatever makes you happy. men are never worth the cortisol spike.
i hope you feel better soon, op. it's normal to feel the way you do, just don't let it dictate how your days go. chin up 🩵🫂
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 18h ago
thank u girl ❤️ this is what ive been telling myself. I hate hate hate that ive been giving him unneeded ego boosts 😔 and im very glad to have the clarity now because I can move forward
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u/Waste_Impact_4441 Assigned Hungry At Birth 18h ago
- He’s not your friend
- that bacon is not cooked. Please try crispy bacon, it’s now it’s meant to taste
- get yourself a book about the bioscience and biochemistry of rejection. It will change your life when you understand what is going on in your brain. Essentially our brains are hardwired to go into emergency mode when we get rejected and will send signals to the rest of the body to corroborate this with symptoms of heart pain, sickness, fear etc. This is basically because our brains, in panic mode see rejection or abandonment like death (mainly because if we as little babies are rejected eg not given food or warmth, we will die, and our brains have not recalibrated the risk threat). Once you understand that you can move through rejection pain just like you would move through say, a mild case of food poisoning (ironically something you can pick up from uncooked bacon), you’ll understand that while the pain is horrible, it passes . Our bodies are hardwired to send panic and pain signals for everything; whether we stub our toe, eat some uncooked bacon (lol) or get rejected, it’s all actually kind of similar. Try your luck with this book: Too Sensitive: Rejection, Resilience, and the Science of Feeling Deeply
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u/cabbagestirfry APPROVED✨ 18h ago
:( Do you have people to talk to, that appreciate you, that worry about you? Does anyone fuss over you? I really don't mean to assume anything about you and what you've experienced, but from my own, I have had a similar reaction to witnessing other people receive acts of love/care/tenderness/affection (and so on) when those things were very absent from my life. Often times it made me feel just... raw, shameful, insecure? To care about someone who was so beloved. It feels embarrassing, even, to even want to be cared about like that, and to consider your own bond with that person to be significant?
I can't quite articulate how, but that exact feeling is behind what I know now to be avoidant behavior from myself and I am especially quick to try to hide, dismiss and bottle up my feelings until they overwhelm me. Sometimes those feelings just hit really hard all at once. I think the best thing you can do is just let yourself feel them. Ask yourself the questions you've been avoiding thinking the answer about, etc.
Even if I'm way off the mark I just want you to know that I understand the anguish that comes with this feeling and I hope you're treating yourself to some nice things ❤️
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 18h ago
thank you ❤️ yes ive always been the not chosen person haha and i would like to think im at peace with it but inevitably when things like this happen it all kind of comes rushing up. thank u for sharing and the kind words and I hope you're treating yourself well as well ❤️
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u/Key_Illustrator7827 Umommy 18h ago
OMG STOP! LIKE ACTUALLY. you don’t have a headache? jesus. END THIS NOW. it’s pathetic
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u/overshare215 APPROVED✨ 18h ago edited 17h ago
Girl let him go.
I'm hearing a lot of excuses and you need to be honest with yourself. I think in order to protect your feelings you are telling yourself you want to be friends with him regardless, that you're ok with casual etc. etc. But all of it is ego. You want him to want you. It's also ok to admit you want/wanted something more. Just take all of this as a lesson for how you want to show up in dating and how you want someone to pursue and date you. It's just not gonna be him.
There is also a possibility that he told you you were ranked lower in an effort to triangulate.
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u/sooinsbangs 오지라퍼 17h ago
yep agree. I dont think so on the triangulating, i won't bother trying to defend him too much but it was very much me wanting an answer and allowing any of this to come out in the first place he generally keeps other girls out of it out of respect
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u/overshare215 APPROVED✨ 17h ago
I really do hope you let this situation go.
I was with a guy who every single one of my friends told me to stop dating, and if I'm being honest I really enjoyed the sex, so I kept making excuses for his bad behavior. It ended horribly. As much as I would love to be angry at him, I saw every single one of those red flags and just kept going. A lot of lessons learned from that, but it came with completely unnecessary heartaches.
The lessons you need from this have already been shown to you. You do not need to let it get to the point where you are really hurt by this.
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u/Budget_Actuator_1425 Food for Thot 💭 20h ago
Girl… stand up