My 6 yo plays and eats alone at school

[u/Natural-Blackberry26]

My kid started kindergarten this year and told me she has no friends. She said the other kids don’t want to play with her and tell each other not to talk to her. She says she plays alone on the playground and even though they eat lunch at the same table, nobody wants to talk to her.

They’re doing spirit week at school and one day is Twin Day. She asked a few kids if they wanted to twin with her and they all said no. Why is there even such a thing as Twin Day? I feel like it makes kids feel excluded.

I reached out to the school and her teacher said she asked my kid, and my kid said everything was fine and she was happy. I explained that my kid doesn’t open up often and she probably didn’t feel comfortable telling her. I never got a response back even though I was told they would follow up with me.

I am so heart broken. My kid is the only child, and her dad and I are divorced. I raised her to be strong and outspoken as I feel like she will need to be in this world, but now I feel like I did too much and she is not liked by others. I don’t know what to do, or if I should even do anything at all and let her figure it out.

Pizza is not burnt. It’s from Prince St Pizza in Chicago and it’s their charcoal crust.

Edit: thank you so much for all the support! I can’t reply to everyone but please know I’m reading all of them and taking all advice into consideration.

My daughter is outgoing and does have a deep desire to be accepted by her peers. She’s the first one to go up to a kid and ask if they want to play. If they say no or ignore her, she used to be able to shrug it off, but now gets more upset/cries and I can see her physically feel defeated. I think because she’s been feeling quite rejected these days.

I also wondered if she could be neurodivergent, but haven’t seen enough signs to take action yet. I will definitely keep this in mind and thank you to all of you who shared your stories.

I spoke with my employer today and I’m able to get Twin Day off if needed. I’ve reached out to a couple of the parents and one said their kid has already paired up and I’m still waiting for another’s response. As her parent, I feel anxious and rejected when I ask the other parents if their kid wants to partner with mine, so I can’t imagine what my 6 yo feels. If she ends up not finding anybody, I will use my free will and take her for manicures, a much needed hair cut, and a fun mother/daughter day. I know struggle is a part of life, and I can’t always be there to bail her out, but I can help my girl out once in a while.

Thanks for reading.

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[u/woodchuck_2020]

Hang in there! It is so heartbreaking, but when I was going through a similar situation with my child, a friend gave me advice: “don’t prescribe what you might be feeling in that situation to your child’s feelings”. My kid did not have a single friend, not in preschool or elementary school or any sports, until he was around 8. He would barely speak to other kids. Even when he started engaging, it was more like acquaintances. At 9, he finally developed 2 friends and he’s found more since. But generally he is still at his happiest solo in his room… just an introvert. It will sort itself out with time when she’s ready.

[u/Dobgirl → u/woodchuck_2020]

This sounds like my 10 year old. Neighborhood kids would come to play and he would reluctantly play at our house but did not want to play long or go to their homes. He was happier alone or with us.

I worried a lot, until last year! He found his best friend, an equally introverted girl. They speak nonsense to each other and giggle like crazy. They are equally goofy.

[u/jenie_may_june → u/Dobgirl]

That sounds adorable

[u/Teelilz → u/woodchuck_2020]

Thanks for this reminder. My daughter is a toddler and I think she's going to be more introverted like her dad, which is completely different from my extroverted self. 😆

[u/wishicouldrun → u/woodchuck_2020]

this was me! i didn’t start really making friends until i was like 7. people liked me, but i don’t know. i guess i just didn’t know how to “click” with people for a long time compared to others. i did eventually figure it out on my own, though. i’m also naturally an introvert and i don’t feel like my social skills were fully developed until a year into my first job (a customer service job ofc) at 18.

idk if this matters but i was the first baby in my family, i was super sheltered and stuff was super catered to me until my mom realized it was actually a detriment to me. i suspect that and not having any actual peers until kindergarten was the reason.

[u/Dropdeaadd]

Honestly, the truth is, is that cliques start very early in school. Even in kindergarten. they choose their friends and they outcast others. And in general I would say a lot of kids nowadays don’t know how to socialize with other children as much. Kindergarten is still so early, eventually she will find her person. I would definitely reach out to the school for that follow-up, and I would have a sit down talk with your daughter so she doesn’t feel like she is doing anything wrong. You’re doing good mama. Making friends is so hard. And it doesn’t get any easier with age.

[u/Natural-Blackberry26 → u/Dropdeaadd]

I noticed this too. We moved to this area when she was in daycare, and she had a tough time making friends there too. The rest of the kids knew each other since birth basically and she came in at 5 years old. Thank you, I needed to hear that ❤️

[u/julesburne → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

Hijacking the top comment to suggest the school counselor! Many schools have a lovely counselor or several, and at the school where I worked, they hosted lunch groups for kids they thought would get along. It's friendship with some scaffolding for kids who need it! So wonderful for helping kids find a place to fit in.

[u/pastelchannl → u/julesburne]

sometimes you just need extra help for finding people you click with! I would have loved it as a kid (even though I would be shy as hell) if I was placed with kids who the adults thought would click with me, because I had a hard time doing that myself!

[u/CPA_Lady → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

I’m surprised the teacher had to ask your child about this. The teacher should already know if your child plays and eats alone. She might not know about being told no about the twin day, but everything else is easily observable. Did she not have any thoughts of what she’s observed?

[u/DiamondSmash → u/CPA_Lady]

The teacher may not have recess duty. Behavior in the classroom and at recess can be very different.

OP should talk to the school psychologist/counselor and see if there are any kinder lunch buddy groups

[u/ShinyPatina → u/CPA_Lady]

As a teacher, I have never been to to lunch or recess with my students as that is my own lunch and planning time. Unless something happens such as an injury or other emergency that the paras or lunch/recess monitors notice, I wouldn't know.

Most of the lunch/recess staff are making sure a hundred kids are safe, not worried about a few girls snubbing another one. If things seem fine in the classroom, it would be very easy not to notice this, especially if when I talked to the student they told me everything was fine.

I would keep my eyes open on that dynamic though once a parent told me their concerns and adapt from there.

[u/yrntmysupervisor → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

This is mostly due to parents. Parents are the cliques, therefore their kids are too. They all grow up w the same mindset bc being an individual is out of their comfort zone. We live in a suburb close by and holy heck everyone who went to the hs came back (or never left) and had their babies go through the same exact steps they did. My kid is better off not being in the groups that are exclusive, even if it wasn’t by choice. Those kids are failing hard at life once the mommies aren’t controlling their every move.

[u/tuxette → u/yrntmysupervisor]

This is absolutely due to parents...

[u/Nikki_Sativa → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

My heart is breaking for your daughter - I was that girl, who moved and started school at 5 when the other kids all already knew each toher. I too was outcast, ignored and eventually bullied very badly. The cool thing to do, was to be mean to me. It was something everyone could bond over. I am so thankful she has you, that you notice and are trying to help her through it. I did not have help from home in my corner and my school years just became a rush to finish school and escape - I never went to post secondary education and it took a lot of years and a lot of therapy for me to start taking control of my life finally in my 30s.

[u/vanastalem → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

I've had a lifelong struggle to make friends. For me it was 5th/6th grade where nobody wanted to be my friend. Then in 7th grade I found a friend group, however I unfortunately lost touch with everyone after high school graduation. I do agree that often really young kids sometimes are just friends with the other kids they see via their parents. My parents would invite their friends who had kids so my "best friend" was born 20 days after me and our moms became friends at church & attending a new parent group.

I'm in my 30s and making friends is still extremely hard for me. It's just not intuitive to me, however my mother mentioned a few years back that she thinks as child I was misdiagnosed (ADHD/depeession) and am likely high functioning autistic.

My sister has a five year old. Her "best friend" is the daughter of one of her husband's long time friends who lives an hour away. She also just started Kindergarten and has played with other kids but stops if the kid she's playing with also wants to play with another kid - she wants a friend that's with her the whole time and that hasn't worked out. My sister also mentioned she's a rule follower and the other kids don't like that she's a tattle tale.

[u/gatagang7]

Twin day is the worst theme! Same thing happened to me when I was in first grade and I still have vivid memories of being dressed all alone in a sea of matching friends.

[u/Junior_Fig_2274 → u/gatagang7]

I think teachers need to take the lead here when they’re young. Mine is in kinder this year and for “twin day” his teacher sent out a message suggesting it would be a good day to wear their school t shirts they got at the beginning of the year. Every kid already had one they’d gotten for free and it was a good way for lots of kids to feel included. 

[u/DontCryYourExIsUgly → u/Junior_Fig_2274]

My daughter's school had a "Dress Alike" day so that whole groups could participate together. Granted, that probably wouldn't help OP's kid, but it does keep it from being just pairs.

[u/imnotnotcrying → u/DontCryYourExIsUgly]

That could be a good opportunity for teachers to suggest something like “you could match with a friend, or you can match with me that day! I’m going to wear my school t-shirt, a blue jacket, and wear my hair in pig tails/a mohawk/[some other adaptable but unique style]!”

[u/IdRatherBeReading23 → u/gatagang7]

My daughter’s teacher let her class know what she was going to wear so all the kids could match to alleviate any need for kids pairing off.

[u/Pretty_Foundation953 → u/IdRatherBeReading23]

I love that. That is the only correct way to do it

[u/Natural-Blackberry26 → u/gatagang7]

Ugh that’s terrible. I’m surprised that they even still do this.

[u/upsidedown-funnel → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

Honestly? I’d keep her home and make it a mom and daughter day.

[u/Its_PennyLane → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

Could you reach out to her teacher and ask her to dress up in a specific color shirt or anything like that? And she can twin with her teacher? My daughter‘s teachers have been doing this for a couple years — they’ll send a message to parents letting him know that they’re wearing -a pair of blue jeans with like a green or red shirt with their hair in a ponytail and say if the kids don’t have a twin they can match with their teacher and they make a really cool deal out of it. Last year their teacher actually took a picture with all the kids that dressed like her , encouraging the kids actually do that. I thought that was really cool. So maybe reach out to her teacher and see if she’ll do something like that. My daughter is autistic and I deal with this often especially with her peers, she’s 11 now. She’s starting to realize that she’s different and doesn’t have friends like her other friends do. It’s fxcking HARD. just keep being that positive for her.

Keep teaching her to stand up for herself and speak up for herself even if it’s not easy. Which I know is easier said than done. It sounds like she’s doing great just asking the kids though (coming from a mom whose kid won’t talk to other kids ever lol). I would definitely praise how proud of her I am for that.

[u/USAF_Retired2017 → u/Its_PennyLane]

I feel you. My sons are 17 and 12 and have autism and they have no friends. It kills me. My oldest is so sweet, my 12yo has an annoying personality (the know it all type), but he’s got such a good heart. I wish it was easier for them. I’m glad your daughter had good teachers who encouraged the kids to twin with the teacher as well. That’s really sweet and thoughtful.

[u/TheWorldofScience → u/USAF_Retired2017]

My teenage nephew has Down Syndrome and has no friends though he is great at indoor soccer - he scores a goal almost every game and often 2 goals. It breaks his mom’s heart because his best friend is actually her dad and he is slowing down as he is in his late 70’s.

It is heartbreaking. I live across the country so I can’t be part of my nephew’s social circle.

[u/USAF_Retired2017 → u/TheWorldofScience]

At least you want to be. My sister hasn’t seen my kids in years. Doesn’t call. Doesn’t send anything for birthdays or Christmas. So, take some solace in knowing that at least you’re a part of your nephew’s life even if you’re not a part of his social circle. My youngest also has autism, she’s in SPED unlike her brothers, her best friend has DS. We had to move this past summer and she’s sad she doesn’t have her friend anymore. That’s the only part I miss about where we used to live. She is a sweet girl and they were thick as thieves for four years. I hated taking that away from her.

[u/TheWorldofScience → u/USAF_Retired2017]

That is so very painful for you and for her.

My nephew has has speech therapy his entire life and had a palate expander but it is still very hard for me to understand him when we do Facetime. I think I will talk to my sister in law about scheduling a time every week and maybe over time I will be better able to understand him.

A couple of years ago I decided to find a game for him for his birthday that he could take when he stays with his grandpa once a a week. After reading many reviews I found Taco vs Burrito. BOOM! Best gift I ever gave him!

[u/Starspangledass → u/Its_PennyLane]

I don’t think ostracized kids want to feel anymore like the teacher’s friend than they already do, unfortunately

[u/scully-summers → u/Starspangledass]

I wouldn’t worry too much about that with a 6 year-old. They usually still think their teachers are cool. Source: My 1st graders used to fight over who got to sit by me at circle

[u/PrimaryImagination41 → u/gatagang7]

Yeah i remember twin day in middle school. I had no friends, but my teacher went and bought clothes from Forever 21 so we could match. I still have the t-shirt she bought me.

[u/GunstarHeroine → u/PrimaryImagination41]

Jesus Christ I'm too luteal for this 😭😭😭

[u/youmustb3jokn → u/gatagang7]

Maybe take her out and play hookey on twin day. Do a cool mommy and daughter primping spa day or adventure day. Movies, art classes, shopping, theme parks, or whatever makes your kid happy. Screw twin day.

Yeah, my kids have all gone through this. My daughter even told me that she talks to herself because some girls in her class told her no one wants to listen to her. My kid is awesome. And it broke my heart. So I get it. Maybe reach out to some mores to set up a play date or if you have friends with kids around the age, set up something. My kid got really into music and started playing guitar and writing songs. Have activities that make her feel special, happy or talented is a big help too. But yeah sometimes the cliques in schools, especially girls, are brutal. Keep teaching her to be strong. And you tell the teacher that you know your kid, you know what she told you and you know she is struggling. Teachers sometimes don’t want problems because it means more work. It’s sad.

[u/gongjuns → u/gatagang7]

My kids’ teachers always send messages describing what they’ll be wearing in Twin day so that kids can twin with them if they want.

[u/peptodismal13]

Hey I was this kid, it gets better. I also have a late in life ASD, I suspect at least for me this is why I was that kid.

Edit: hey wow thanks everyone! There are a lot of us weirdos out there and I'm glad that a number of us survived.

[u/red_raconteur → u/peptodismal13]

The "weird kid to adult ASD diagnosis" pipeline is REAL, especially for girls whose signs and symptoms were overlooked. 

It took me till my teen years, but I found a group of friends who actually liked me. They have all also been diagnosed in adulthood, to no one's surprise. I also apparently charmed a nerdy boy by reading intently and he's here making me tacos 20 years later so it's not all bad. 

[u/Enlightened_Gardener → u/red_raconteur]

I met a dear friend who pounced on me reading a book in a nightclub 😅 God I was a dag. He and I had a massive row about the series I was reading, and I think he was impressed that a girl was prepared to go toe to toe with him 🤣 He’s now running a scifi bookshop, and I avoid clubs at all costs. And no, dear reader, I did not marry him.

We all find each other in the end. I spend alot of time over on /r/autismwithadhd talking about liminal spaces, safe spaces, around the edges of things - theatres, bookshops, libraries, artisinal workshops, record stores, alternative clothing stores / nightclubs /fandoms, ren faires, historical recreational societies, archery clubs, AmDram, academia,etc etc

Places where its not just ok to be weird, its actually slightly expected of you, are the places were people like us end up, breathing a sigh of relief that no-one cares that you have a buzzcut as a girl, or that you only wear jersey pajamas and crocs (smart pajamas, but still), or that you have the colour recognition of a mantis shrimp, but can only work in 2 hour bursts.

Also, if you’re an Elder reading this going “Hey I have a Record Shop and dreadlocks and only stock ska and reggae from between 1969-1985, I feel seen !” do think about employing one of the younger ones. I was sucessfully innoculated with cartography by a 70- year old, so never underestimate your ability to get a young autistic person heavily involved in your special interest.

On a similar note, I went to a book dealing seminar in the UK and every damn person in that room was autistic. If you’ve ever thought of opening a bookshop, this is a sign from the Universe saying “GO FOR IT”. Then hire other people like you to work there. We need to look out for each other, if we can.

So the plan is

A) Find each other,

B) Look after each other.

It has clearly worked for you 🥰

[u/_maidenpriest139 → u/peptodismal13]

Huge resounding "SAME" from me! I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be accepted. I could always feel that I stood out, that I was never really part of the gang. Looking back on that, it makes me sad. At this very moment I find myself wondering if my preference for solitude is a personality thing, or out of necessity because my peers forced me into that. Yeah, sure, I got to participate in group games at recess, but I know I was only tolerated. I only had one actual, true friend. She arrived halfway through 3rd grade. She is still my best friend at the age of 30. I didn't find more people who were genuine friends until I hit grade 10 and met a bunch of other kids from a different town.

I only found out last year about being autistic. Truly a revelation.

[u/_daysofcandy_ → u/_maidenpriest139]

I haven't been diagnosed with anything but I feel the exact same way as you. I so badly wanted to find my crew and fit in somewhere and it felt like the more I tried the worse it got. I never got to learn the value of standing out and being my own cheerleader and support was something I developed by force. I think it can be a great thing but I don't wish to relieve what it took to learn how. I hope my future daughter has it better, if not I'll help her as best I can.

[u/sanedragon → u/peptodismal13]

Yep same. She will eventually find her people. It took me until probably 4th or 5th grade?

[u/unicorntrees → u/sanedragon]

When marching band became available in middle school, I finally found my people.

[u/gentleowl97 → u/sanedragon]

I second this!! Little kids don’t really have strong interests, I think it’s a spectrum of liking high impact contact activities like sports or liking more calm individual activities like arts and crafts, but that’s about it. Most little kids who truly have friends have them because either their parents are friends so they spend a lot of time together or maybe they went to the same pre k and playground as toddlers. My mom encouraged me to make friends in elementary school and I kind of did but it wasn’t until middle school when I developed my niche weird interests and found people who geeked out over similar weird niche interests that I truly made friends™

[u/IndyDino → u/sanedragon]

Same, but never found my people :(

[u/The_Demon_of_Spiders → u/sanedragon]

Took me until high school 😭

[u/bunnycrush_ → u/The_Demon_of_Spiders]

It took me until college 💀

But now in my thirties different people keep telling me I’m magnetic so who knows man.

[u/evfax → u/sanedragon]

Stop saying that.

There's no guarantee that she will find "her people" and constantly yearning for that moment is harmful because if she's anything like me, she'll try to "find her people" with all the wrong people.

The only advice to give here is for her to focus on things she likes and makes her happy, no matter how "not mainstream" it is, and for mom to support her hobbies and interests. If she find people with similar interests among that, good. If not, whatever.

Signed, someone who has heard that shit phrase for 30+ years and has not found "her people." If anything, it's gotten worse the older I've gotten, especially among other women.

[u/HelenLizMT → u/evfax]

Hey, I am really sorry to read about your experience. I hope some decent people come your way very soon. I don't think I ever felt fully part of a group, but I have several close friends that I tend to spend time with 1-to1. My eldest is 5, currently has no friends but doesn't seem to want friends at the moment. It still stings when people ask me if she's "made any friends yet". Good luck out there. I know it's rough.

[u/Electronic_Stick_823 → u/peptodismal13]

Came here to say this. There are days it sucked and there were days that the real world could never compete with my imagination. I drove friends away because I couldn't effectively manage my social battery at 5-10 years old. I highly recommend therapy; the little I did get from the counselor at school was life changing. If I had been able to have sessions with a dedicated therapist... I would have been able to learn those coping mechanisms with at least a little less pain.

[u/ferngully1114 → u/peptodismal13]

Honestly, this would be enough to request assessment. Social/emotional differences are one of the main diagnostic criteria, and girls are so often missed. I was 43 before I got diagnosed and it explained so much about my life and childhood!

[u/bachennoir → u/ferngully1114]

This for sure. We're seriously considering a psychoed/neuropsych eval for our kid because she has expressed that she feels like an outcast because she doesn't think she fits in with the other kids. She's always playing with other kids and she says she's quite popular, but she feels different. As a late diagnosed adhder married to a man who is undiagnosed but definitely further along the asd spectrum than the average bear, we think it's a good idea to get ahead of whatever might be going on.

[u/terriblestrawberries → u/ferngully1114]

Helloooo we are the same person! I hope OP sees this and takes her daughter to get evaluated. Depending on where she lives there can be amazing resources, programs, social emotional skills classes, etc.

[u/Suspiciouswhaler → u/peptodismal13]

My boy is 6 and finally made a friend. Spent 2 years of school no friends with ASD. It was awful for him

[u/Numerous_Text2514 → u/peptodismal13]

As a fellow neurodivergent, the best advice I can give is to make neurodivergent friends. It instantly takes all the pressure of conformity away and lets you be yourself. I feel least anxious by far when I'm around other neurodivergents.

[u/Cool-catlover2929 → u/peptodismal13]

Why is this so common!!! My experience as well. things were so hard for me my entire childhood & even now as an adult. I never realized I was on the spectrum until my early 30s (basically now) but it all made sense after figuring it out.

[u/MagnumJohnson44 → u/peptodismal13]

This was also me (late diagnoses AuDHD).

[u/my_little_rarity → u/peptodismal13]

Was also this kid and am also autistic.

One thing my mom did was have me join a sport and she was the coach. That was a way I started to make some friends

[u/Wise_Neighborhood499 → u/peptodismal13]

Same same, I remember eating alone in the back music hallways in high school. I was a very lonely undiagnosed kid.

[u/Muted_Ambition_2752]

sorry i need someone to explain how the charcoal crust is not burnt

[u/EpicOtterLover → u/Muted_Ambition_2752]

Apparently they just mix charcoal into the dough to make it black, for... some reason.

[u/Local-Career859 → u/EpicOtterLover]

Even if it’s not burnt, I wouldn’t eat it

[u/Wise_Neighborhood499 → u/Muted_Ambition_2752]

I’m wondering if it’s enough charcoal to affect medications, I always have alarm bells going off when I see charcoal in random foods.

[u/ButDidYouCry → u/Muted_Ambition_2752]

I'm in Chicago and I have never heard of this place.

[u/Mermaid-who-bites4]

I was that kid. I think one of the worst things to ask a lonely kid is “did you make friends yet????” My answer was usually no and it made me feel inadequate. Just be there for the 6 year old!

[u/Anonymous_Autumn_ → u/Mermaid-who-bites4]

I’d go instead for questions like, ‘did anything funny happen today?’ ‘Did you see anyone being nice today?’ ‘Did you see anything different today?’ Etc. This allows them to review moments with kids they might start to consider as a friend, without pushing it on them. 

[u/Away-Ad4393 → u/Anonymous_Autumn_]

I agree, but ‘ did you’ questions can make kids clam up sometimes, instead try saying ‘what was the best thing you did today?’ They may say ‘ nothing’ but that can lead to further discussion.

[u/theglorybox → u/Mermaid-who-bites4]

Or, “Just go out there and make friends,” or “Why don’t you ask them to do XYZ with you? The worst they can say is no.” Very unhelpful when you already feel like nobody likes you.

[u/catkayak]

FWIW, sometimes you get a rotten bunch of kids in school for the year. Which is why it is so so so important to get them involved in things OUTSIDE of school, with other kids. Whatever they are interested in! Art class? Dance? Martial arts? Sports? Whatever it is (within budget) it’s time to widen the net.

I worked in informal education for a long time - think of the places where learning happens outside of school and home time. Like, nature centers, museums, zoos, aquariums, etc. And I saw kids who experience that struggle with peers in school, flourish in these informal education spaces. And I’m sure others who coach youth sports can attest to similar things.

[u/missgirlipop → u/catkayak]

popularity in kids is sooo context dependent. i know kids who never felt bad about school friend problems bc they also had their friends from other groups and activities and that whole vibe going on (and other skills! school wasn’t their whole life). 

[u/ArugulaBeginning7038 → u/missgirlipop]

Also some kids just don’t have much in common with their classmates either and those specialized extracurricular relationships are more fulfilling and meaningful anyway! I didn’t get bullied or excluded growing up but even in high school I genuinely just didn’t like most of my classmates (grew up in a city/neighborhood and went to a shitty rich kid school where drugs and partying were rampant and I was a very ambitious, academically inclined kid).

I had like two close friends and a small group of acquaintances from my AP classes, but the people I actually thrived and could be myself around were my community theater friends and the girls in my senior Girl Scout troop (inherently dorky but I got my Gold Award and still keep in touch with a bunch of those girls in my 30s). Probably came across as “stuck up” as people always told me, but in reality I was just selective about who I spent my energy on and realized there was more to life than partying and doing coke in high school. I think it’s good to raise your kids to just find their people and not focus on trying to be popular and please everyone.

[u/Hot-Yogurt5539 → u/catkayak]

This is huge. The kid who is excluded at school can be totally popular in theater productions or church or whatever. Find a weekly activity you can sign her up for that has kids outside her school.

[u/hunnyflash → u/catkayak]

I really agree with this. I've come to the conclusion that it's ridiculously important for kids to have a life outside of school. Activities outside of school. All through even high school.

Take them special places outside of your home town. Do things together with them.

[u/peppersprinkle → u/catkayak]

Absolutely this. Making friends can be hard for kids when they are young when there are such small groups in classes and cliques start early. There's girl scouts/adventure scouts, going to the park/playground, potentially classes or storytimes for kids her age at your local library, art museum, etc that might give her a chance to mix it up with other kids in her age group out of school.

I hope that teacher gets back to you, or you follow up. Your baby deserves to feel heard at school, too ❤️

[u/daisyXst]

I was this kid, and I wish my parents had told me I’m under no obligation to be social, taught me how to develop solo hobbies, and gave me the confidence to be alone. She probably doesn’t want to talk to the teachers because they bully her too, consciously or not, that was my experience. Short of pulling her out of school (which is what my parents did - they shifted me from school to school and I was abused in all of them) you just gotta tell her these people aren’t worth it and make sure she is comfortable being alone. That’s probably not what you want to hear as a parent, but as a neurodivergent woman, it’s a cold reality.

[u/Natural-Blackberry26 → u/daisyXst]

Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry you went through this. I also had a hard time growing up and I wonder if I’m projecting my insecurities on her. I will absolutely keep working on building up her confidence and self confidence ❤️

[u/whichwitch9 → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

One thing you can do is maybe look for a hobby you can sign her up for outside of school- think like dance, sports, craft classes, ect. This can be super helpful if you're worried about her socializing. Introducing herto kids outside her class while they all have something to focus on can be super helpful if there's just a toxic dynamic forming in the class.

Ask your daughter if there's anything she'd like to do or try. Even if it doesn't work socially, she could also just have fun

[u/cheesegong → u/whichwitch9]

I have to second and stress the part ASK your daughter if there's anything she'd like to do or try. My parents just figured well kids are kids right, they're all the same? and forced me into things. Started with Taekwondo. Had zero interest, spent the whole time spacing out and playing with my hair. After they accepted that karate wasn't for me, they tried soccer. I hated it, spent the entire time feeling confused and avoiding the ball because I was terrified I'd forget which end was our goal or forget which color our team is and pass the ball to the wrong person. I cried and told them I hated it so they figured, ok let's try a different sport. Took till I was 12 to finally convince them that I really truly hated being in sports, at least team sports. When I was in highschool my mom started looking for a summer activity my little brother and I could go to together. Bowling league! I was never great at it but I at least actually enjoyed it. It's still a team but you have your own turn to focus on.

[u/ewa_irl → u/cheesegong]

Oh god, more parents need to actually speak with their kids and ask them what they're into. I taught guitar for a few years at a music school and I think 80% of the kids I taught had no interest in guitar or music in general. What a soul sucking exercise for everyone involved.

[u/Lkholla → u/ewa_irl]

Gosh I coached youth swim team and same. I had several kids that wanted nothing to do with it and ruined the experience for the ones that did. Finally had to sit down and tell them to be honest with their parents because if they didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want them there either 😂

[u/Beneficial-Plant1937 → u/ewa_irl]

A lot of parents don't see their kids as individuals, unfortunately, but rather extensions of themselves. Either the child gets what the parent wants, or they get what other children get.

[u/beepboopiforgot → u/Beneficial-Plant1937]

It’s so objectifying. When I was little I thought playing the piano was super cool and I really wanted to learn. My parents said no because my sister already tried and she hated it. (I ended up admitting myself to middle/high school band to get my kick lol.) I also really liked playing in the water so I was open to swimming lessons. Again, parents said no because sister already tried and didn’t like it.
You know what my sister did excel at though? MATH. This bitch. She was always top of the class and did difficult math questions for fun. Plus she read like 5 books a week. Guess what? I GET SENT TO PREP SCHOOL JAIL STARTING 3rd GRADE. Ohhhh my god. I fucking blew ass at that stuff. I’m dyslexic and have ADHD. My sis also has ADHD but hers manifested differently I guess. My summers vacations - robbed. At some point my Saturday and Sundays also robbed. (Still love my sister dearly tho.)
Yet my parents are completely befuddled on why I’m a depressed adult.

[u/caneshuga12pm → u/ewa_irl]

I teach kids drama classes and the amount of parents who put there kid in it thinking “yeah my kids dramatic” and their kid has never heard of theatre and wants nothing to do with it

[u/Interesting_You_4609 → u/ewa_irl]

I’m a cheer coach for 7 year olds and it’s the same thing. I feel like so many girls get thrown into it because it’s the “girly” activity, but some of the kids very clearly dont enjoy it. I have one little girl on my team that would rather play football with the boys but her mom won’t let her.

[u/Ancient-Egg2777 → u/whichwitch9]

I can't second this enough.  If you're in the US, see if you have a community rec center, 4-H chapter, Scouts.

And if finances are an issue, check your local library or county for events.

[u/Sudden-Tell-5872 → u/Ancient-Egg2777]

I agree, but it was girs scouts that changed my daughters life.

[u/salishwoman → u/Sudden-Tell-5872]

I second this a thousand times! Girl Scouts we’re the answer to a social life for my autistic girl. I even became co-leader. She went to camp every summer, was a great teacher for when working with younger scouts. Went to Washington DC when older. She is now 24 and a member of Girl Scouts for life. The three girls that were friendly to her in her years as scout are still her only real friends. They sent off to college and she would never be able to. However because she knew them for so long and scouts were nice people they are still her friends that include her.

[u/ktimetogetawatch → u/Sudden-Tell-5872]

Guides (girl scouts) changed, if not saved, my life. Had no friends in school but in guides I developed life long friendships and learnt many life skills too.

[u/PrincessLinked → u/ktimetogetawatch]

Girl scouts helped me be more social by having to sell cookies to people and being in a group of girls during meetings. I wish my chapter did nice outings like other chapters but it was fun nonetheless

[u/Wise_Neighborhood499 → u/Sudden-Tell-5872]

My mom put me in Girl Scouts to help me socialize. Unfortunately, it was a very clique-y affair and I remember feeling like I was intruding every time I asked the other girls for a color puffy paint. I maybe made it through 2 meetings until my mom pulled me out.

[u/EstellaAnarion → u/Wise_Neighborhood499]

This was my experience too. It was not welcoming for me or my older sister.

[u/New_to_Siberia → u/Sudden-Tell-5872]

I understand that a lot of people here have great experiences with scouts, and I am not sying this can't be the case, but I know from experience that it can be very location-dependent. I was in a small town, not in the US, and it was a bad environment for me - everyone knew each other already and often their parents did too (most came from scouts families), and even though I tried for 5 years to integrate I never could. Honestly, I probably would have been better off if I had been in the position to join what I actually wanted to do (which was girls footbal, but it was too far away).

This is to say, check the environment, and let and encourage the child to get out if they are having a bad time, because otherwise they might grow up believeing that they are the problem and they might end up developing some bad habits.

[u/Wise_Neighborhood499 → u/New_to_Siberia]

Yep. My mom was a teacher and had me switch school districts in 3rd grade, age 8. There wasn’t an activity in- or outside of school that didn’t have a predetermined friend group for the next 9 years. And frankly, I was a weird, undiagnosed AuDHD kid. Other kids pick up on that stuff fast and they generally don’t want anything to do with it.

Getting into sports, music, & theater helped, but I was generally rebuffed once the activity was over.

[u/DrPepper77 → u/Ancient-Egg2777]

I am that Neurodivergant girl that struggled to make friends in elementary school. Luckily, my local girl scout troup wasn't based out of my school, so when I went, I had a whole new group of girls to socialize with. The goal oriented nature of a lot of our activities really helped give me a chance to build bonds with them.

The fact my mom (who is very socially competent) could also help out chaperoning and leading events also helped, because it gave the other girls an example of someone treading my atypical behavior like it was ok (even if not exactly normal)

[u/LeatherRecord2142 → u/whichwitch9]

Yes! This! Shared experiences make it a lot easier to socialize and learn how to be in groups. At that age it isn’t always natural. You sound like a considerate, wonderful mom. Keep giving her the agency and tools she needs to figure things out and be resilient. And remember, it isn’t your job save her from negative feelings. It’s your job to help her manage her feelings as they arise. You got this!

[u/SecretAd8928 → u/whichwitch9]

This is also helpful because generally parents are allowed to observe extracurriculars compared to school which is a black box.

[u/Umklopp → u/SecretAd8928]

Yes, OP, you need to try getting her involved in some group activities AND you need to observe how she interacts with the other kids. Sometimes children need explicit guidance on how succeed socially.

[u/ButDidYouCry → u/Umklopp]

Social isolation isn't necessarily bullying or deliberate exclusion. Bullying involves targeted, harmful behavior, often repeated and involving a power imbalance. It's different from children simply choosing not to be friends with someone.

Sometimes children struggle socially because their peers find certain behaviors frustrating, unpleasant, or difficult to be around. That doesn't make the child a bad person, nor does it mean their peers are being cruel. Parents don't always see the same version of their child that other children experience, which is why observing peer interactions is so important.

Children deserve kindness, respect, and protection from bullying, but they aren't entitled to friendship. Children have social boundaries, too. They may not want to spend time with peers who make them uncomfortable, disregard their boundaries, struggle to communicate appropriately, or have difficulty engaging in reciprocal play and conversation. Friendships require mutual enjoyment, cooperation, and respect for one another's feelings. Young children are experimenting with exercising their own social autonomy when at school.

You mentioned that your child is an only child, and I think it's worth considering how much experience they have interacting with other children their own age. How often does your child have opportunities to play with peers outside of school? Do they know how to engage in reciprocal play, take turns, compromise, navigate disagreements, and recognize when another child is uncomfortable or uninterested?

[u/whoops-1771 → u/ButDidYouCry]

Heavy on this. I had two good friends in elementary school but both were only children and I always remember it was very their way or the highway kind of playing because they just didn’t have to compromise often and it was frustrating at times. One also didn’t like to lose because her parents would always let her win so definitely check in on the social skills she’s working with

[u/flying_dodo_wut → u/whichwitch9]

YEAH and also maybe if you’re worried she’s bored and/or lonely at school, you could start a cute tradition in her lunch box/snack. Like a post-card sized coloring page, a sticker book, just anything that might give her something to do (if you think she needs that) or something that lets her know you’re thinking of her

I was also this kid. I was never understood by other kids…my dad drew a new picture on my lunch bag every day, and it made me feel more confident to be alone sometimes…bc I never REALLY felt alone :)

[u/Electrical-Profit367 → u/whichwitch9]

My son had this issue; we also worked on his social skills. Go to your library and ask the librarian for books that help young kids learn social skills; also ask for books that help parents develop their kids social skills. We did this (so long ago I can’t remember the name of the book I found most helpful but am sure a librarian will know it) and it made a difference. He entered middle school with better skills and built a crew of friends. Those friends are still close (now in their 30s). This is his core group.

[u/Fancy-Arachnid7555 → u/whichwitch9]

Knitting and Crochet! She can get a lifetime hobby, but also its great for kids fine motor skills, although I'm not entire sure if a six year old would have the patience? I learned around 8 or 9 and at 22 I still crochet, but I have adhd and it gives me something to do with my hands and a cool item out if it. But also encourage her to read books! I was this kid and reading books got me through 1-12

[u/mustachedworm369 → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

Hi OP! I was your little girl as well. I'm in my early 30s now and am the most comfortbale alone. There's obviously some other stuff (ie trauma) that impacts this and things I certainly need to work on...but I've always been a bit of a loner.

I cannot reccomend Taekwondo enough, truly. It is by and large a solo sport, helps with self confidance, disclipine, and respect. The "forms" you learn were my favorite part and I was a junior black belt at 13. Plus, it's pretty damn cool to be a girl and say nope I don't play soccer, I do taekwando and break wooden boards!

[u/Sure_Tree_5042 → u/mustachedworm369]

I did aikido for a decade as an adult… and was just thinking… put this kid in martial arts.

[u/frobscottler → u/Sure_Tree_5042]

Aikido is awesome, and strictly non-competitive but very cooperative

[u/SverreSR → u/mustachedworm369]

My nine year old daughter loves taekwondo! She loves the sport, but also the other kids. The girls in her group are great. Sweet, playful, determined, not afraid to speak their mind and very accepting of her.

It is a solo sport, but they also have to work together when they train. Which makes it such a good fit for my daughter. The teachers also teach about boundaries, respect, standing up for yourself and safety.

[u/SymbioticSwitch → u/mustachedworm369]

Absolutely seconding this! Another loner girl who did play soccer (and was singled out as the weird one there) but went into martial arts and loved it. I want to go back, or find another solo sport to continue with, it's absolutely so freeing and builds confidence! 

[u/jorts-grew-longer → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

I had a few friends growing up, but I always felt lonely because my parents wanted me to be more social than I’m inclined to be. I still feel guilty when I’m alone, or when I want to go out alone. I agree with their advice.

[u/SuperSandLesbian23 → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

Idk how rough and tumble she is, but I was (still am lol) a little tom boy and the only activities I enjoyed was karate and swimming. My mom found a local team my age division and I had to much fun as a Litchfield Lagardos, and I didn't have to socialize much with other kids which was great I found one other weird girl like me and she became one of 3 girls I considered friends so it was nice. And since I was already a super anxious child the swimming was a great stress reduction activity, and since it was something I was actually good at I started placing 1st in almost every event at our meets so it gave me confidence in myself and kept me strong. I never was bullied, but being stronger kept any wannabe bullies away from me, they were content ignoring me and that's all I cared about and it wasn't so bad I sat in the library every day for lunch and the librarian was nice to me. I hope your daughter finds something she loves ❤️ I was the older sibling and my brother is more on the spectrum that I am so while I could isolate he was tiny and could not and there were times I had to go threaten the little bastards with ending their existence if they didn't leave my brother alone lol.

Best of luck sweetie, 👍 tell your daughter to never dull her sparkle for those wet noodles ✨️

[u/TheSirensMaiden → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

While I did have friends in school, I was very much a loner child by choice. I loved reading books, drawing, and writing stories and recess was the perfect time to indulge in those hobbies. I'm so sorry your kid is going through this, but maybe you can interest her in these kinds of hobbies that she can enjoy when she's left on her own at school. There's so many wonderful book series she could get into and there's something inspiring about a brand new notebook with special pencils to go with it. My mother always indulged my hobbies so long as my grades were good and I appreciate that about her because she really encouraged the growth of my personality.

[u/RosaRosa4343 → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

As an older woman I realized that I had a certain level of confidence as a young person that my mom inadvertently destroyed only because she didn't have it and, as you recognized yourself, she merely projected her own insecurities on me. At the same time I recognize that such confidence was also bordering carelessness. At this age I haven't figured out how much should I be grateful that my mom corrected my attitude AND (not or) how much should I regret that she destroyed a bit of that confidence and passed on her certain insecurities to me. You said your child asked others to twin and that others won't talk to her or him, etc etc. If those are acts you won't do yourself including telling your mom about it and even recognizing that others don't like you, there's the difference between you and your child. I think as long as you are not raising a future killer and a bully, it is best to let your child be himself or herself and be very mindful if, when correcting or helping the child, if it is just your insecurities kicking in. I don't have a kid and these are moments I am grateful I didn't have any 😅.

[u/DizzyWalk9035 → u/daisyXst]

My Mom said the same thing to me. She was like "most friends are not real." I was getting bullied in kindergarten and 1st grade. Once I got into second grade it changed but also I got bigger and I was usually the tallest kid in class after that which probably made a difference. For me, I think I made the best friends in HS because you find your pack as a teen.

[u/leayohe74 → u/daisyXst]

As another neurodivergent woman, 100% THIS! As long as she is happy, don't stress. Life is hard and these little obstacles will teach her skills to cope and succeed. You are doing it right, keep her strong and independent! Not being twinned up this time is fine, be unique but don't stop asking and trying for next time if you want the experience. My parents taught me that many other kids didn't understand how I was content to be unique and not a member of the group and that made them curious and jealous. That has held true in many situations in my life. I'm 51 now ❤️

[u/Minute-Judgment-321 → u/daisyXst]

I agree with this, having a solo hobby saved me. There was a classmate the would bully me so bad but I didn't care because I was obsessed with Pokemon. I daydreamed a lot and when this kid would come to bully me I was actually mad at her for interrupting my daydreaming about being a gym leader of fire type only pokemon.

Good thing is that I became a happy loner, bad thing is that then the boys would try to be friends with me because they wanted to see my pokemon cards, tazos and albums and interrupted my daydreaming...

[u/Celeraic → u/daisyXst]

I also was this kid, and my mom was so enthusiastic about giving me advice on how to "solve" my "problem" that I eventually started lying to her about my social circle. I never stopped being a little weird (which I now understand as spectrumy) but I got older and found my people - and I still don't tell my mom anything about my personal life.

Edited to add: you're not a bad mom for worrying. Let your kid be the awesome kid it sounds like she is, and she'll be ok.

[u/nosined → u/daisyXst]

Heavy on the teacher could be one of the bullies. I always struggled in math but it was really bad in 5th grade because my teacher was not kind to me. My mom asked for a meeting with her and after that my math teacher changed her attitude towards me and low & behold I start doing better in the class.

[u/Shzwah → u/daisyXst]

I also was this kid. I was weird and awkward and the 80’s/90’s wasn’t kind in the hair or glasses department, and I was bullied up until 8th grade when I got contacts and got a little prettier. I even was singled out by a lot of adults who should have known and done better (teachers, youth coaches at church, etc). I also, as it turns out, have ADHD and am most likely AuDHD. I lived out the thin slice theory in real time. I am glad to understand my life and experiences a little better, but I am also so sad for younger me, who couldn’t figure out why she was treated the way she was and went to great lengths to be kind and a clear communicator, and just accepted that she was treated differently from everyone else and had to work harder.

Thankfully I had a rich inner life, my hyperfocus was reading books, and I was loved at home. I was able to make a few friends at church and even sometimes at school. I’m actually a little surprised at how well I turned out, but if I had understood more of what was happening (like I do now) I think I would have turned out much differently.

[u/Cookiemonster1502 → u/daisyXst]

This is my story too, I was bullied from kindergarten till 4th grade. And after 1st grade I just stopped telling my mother because I was tired of having to confront them and have them excused. Till one day in 4th grade I started crying in the car and asked my mom "Am I really not worth having any friends". My mother knew that was it and within a week I was transferred. Kids and teachers tried to make me feel guilty for leaving.

My mother took me aside and told me "some people are not nice, and they will question your feelings. But remember that feeling you had in the car when you were so hurt. They will never hurt you like that again if we leave now."

She was right, they never did, nobody ever reached out. That year I also worked with a therapist to relearn to set my boundaries and learn to speak my mind again.

Edit: Also I stole my bullies Pokémon cards on my last day at that school. Fuck you Max, I have Gyarados now.

[u/6owlsinatrenchcoat → u/daisyXst]

This was me in some ways - it’s me as an adult but as a child I DESPERATELY wanted friends. To play with other kids my age. To have a “best friend” to make a bracelet for and have sleepovers with. Being ND and lonely makes you a target for people who will abuse your desperate desire to fit in, especially as a female.
I’d suggest extra curriculars as well - maybe local game nights for kids, or just occasional play dates with kids whose parents you mesh with? It’s not the same as school friends but it makes it sting a little less when you’re left out.

Activities like tennis, gaming, horseback riding and theater tend to attract more inclusive and accepting folks.

[u/Apprehensive_Dig3253 → u/daisyXst]

Wow thanks for sharing this. I, as a parent who was pretty social in school, needed to hear this.

[u/Interesting_Edge_805 → u/daisyXst]

I'm not neurodivergent and I was always alone and still am. I wish I wasn't but I'm learning to accept this reality

[u/Mobile-Plankton-4254 → u/Interesting_Edge_805]

I’ve always felt something was wrong with me. My mom died a few weeks ago now I’m truly alone.

[u/janumet72 → u/Mobile-Plankton-4254]

We can be friends

[u/shandeekelly → u/Mobile-Plankton-4254]

Im so sorry. I love the lady below's comment "we can be friends". My son died a few years ago and my daughter is my best friend. Im hers too. But I feel so sorry for her. You reminded me how lucky we are. And we can be friends too!

[u/terriblestrawberries → u/Interesting_Edge_805]

I mean this with tremendous love, but are you sure you're not neurodivergent? Neurodivergence can look very different in women. I was not diagnosed as a child but once I was diagnosed as an adult, it answered so many questions for me about my childhood and how I interact with others. Not being able to easily connect with other women is one of the biggest indicators of neurodivergence I have observed in my own life and among my own ND friends. Once I understood myself and the way my brain worked a bit better, I was able to make and keep good friends and genuine connections.

Sending you love and good wishes. ❤️

[u/sonrie100pre → u/daisyXst]

This was 100% me in kindergarten at public school, and honestly still the same when I was shifted to a small private school 1st-8th grade. My teacher praised me for being nice to new, loner kids, but that was because I knew what it felt like to be alone and I notices when other ppl were isolated. I didn’t even enjoy hanging out with each new person I talked to usually (their parents were mostly hyper religious raising their kids the same way), but I just couldn’t help going to talk with each new isolated person cuz I was also isolated. Couldn’t understand why I got a kindness award at the end of 4th grade; I was just being me and noticing what/who was around me.

And then high school! 100% loner, wolfed down bag lunch every day in the commons area, too scared of the chaotic lunch room (didn’t step a toe in there, ever), and didn’t have any friends. When my mom took note of names of acquaintances and invited them to a surprise birthday party one year, I was mortified. They were NOT friends. Oh god, such awful memories.

So incredibly happy with the friends I made in adulthood, one through Reddit, one through volunteering together, one from work, one met through the Reddit friend. Three are in different countries and we hang out online and game together and body double when we’re studying, and one friend 1,000 miles away in another state.

[u/Emotional_Neck3312 → u/daisyXst]

This was me as a kid too. I turned to books, and spent most of my recesses happily reading. I eventually did make friends and have a vibrant social life as I got older. I think life can just be phases sometimes, and it's an opportunity to slow down and learn something about yourself. Your kid has the whole rest of their life. Help them enjoy their time alone - it's an important skill to have, imo.

[u/ReaditSpecialist → u/daisyXst]

Assuming that this child didn’t open up to the teacher because the teacher is probably bullying her is a HUGE and very unfair leap. I’m sorry that you experienced that in school, truly, but you can’t just instantly villainize the teacher.

[u/crazygecko247 → u/ReaditSpecialist]

Being misunderstood by the teacher can feel the same as being bullied. Especially if the teacher is trying to smooth out a situation, a student’s reasoning can be glossed over. Or even when intently listening to a student, the student can still feel misunderstood. Doesn’t mean the teacher is being villainized.

[u/phantheknee → u/daisyXst]

My teenage son is the same rn. He's an only child on my side(his dad had another child with his current wife and they do not get along) but he's also been able to develop his own hobbies, understand that he is not required to grovel for attention and decide when someone is worth his time. However, as his mother, it is hard to witness him not bringing friends home or doing outside of school activities. He has expressed to me that he didn't ever plan on being "that sort of guy" but has also expressed he's ok with who he is and is not interested in pretending to like ppl or be bothered by ppl not including him at school. Being a mother is tough; it's had to navigate what to do that's best for your kid without putting them through hardship or being over bearing 😮‍💨

[u/RealisticAnxiety4330 → u/daisyXst]

Absolutely this. I was a kid that actively enjoyed my own company but my parents thought I was weird and forced me into social activities. It got to the point I hated school because I became the brunt of bullying because I liked doing my own thing. Anyway 30+ years later, I got diagnosed as AuDHD and everything made sense. Unfortunately my mom was no longer around for my I told you so moment.

For op my son is classed as high functioning autistic and he tells me plenty he plays by himself. I ask him if he's happy doing that and he says yes so I leave it at that but then other days he will say he's played with X person and y person he ended up gravitating towards a girl with ADHD and now they're best friends and we're friends with their mom. Don't force it if she's happy as she is let it continue don't make it where she's the centre of attention she will hate it. Let her friendships develop naturally rather than saying she "should" make friends.

[u/societyisfcked → u/daisyXst]

Literally same I had a teacher named Miss FOX. And she was a bully. I messaged her years later when I found her school email to tell her she’s the worst teacher on earth and that her name was burned into my skull because how mean she was. I had mean kids but she was top tier. Never got an email back sometimes wonder if she even got it. I made sure it was her.

[u/sadahgreen → u/daisyXst]

oouf I’m 26 and I still constantly berate myself for not being social/outspoken enough. I’ve always felt like I didn’t belong. The feeling started in kindergarten and has followed me everyday since. I think your comment just healed something in me

[u/llamalover729]

My daughter used one of her stuffed animals for twin day :) just an idea from another mom of a somewhat awkward child.

[u/SkyFullOfWisteria]

That was me as a kid, and my parents never really cared or noticed. Be there for her. I never found 'my people' like others say they did, but hopefully she does.

[u/waywardwyytch]

My son is 6 years old and in Grade 1, he tells me that he has no friends as well. He does have AuDHD. I’ve seen kids try to play with him and he’s very well liked with the older kids in his school, but he likes to play on his own. I’ve witnessed him walk away from other kids, it’s confusing as a parent, but he’s confident and happy. So, I’m paying attention but trying not to force anything on him.

[u/TealGloves]

When I was in elementary school I found out two easy secrets to making friends that I still use nearly 30 years later.

1. Food. People naturally feel closer to those who share food with them. As a kid I tried to have candy to offer anyone nearby as often as I could. Being known as the candy kid is a great way to get kids coming over and being interested in being nice to you.

2. Always smile first. People usually smile back automatically when you smile at them. This makes people feel more approachable and comfortable with you as well.

These are the easiest for her age. If she's into drawing at all that can pay off lots of social dividends if encouraged early.

Whenever I was with new kids such as on the bus or when changing classrooms, I also always used to instantly attach myself to the kid who looked the nicest and start being friendly to them. Still friends with many people that I "adopted" this way years later including one from elementary school and one from high school.

[u/Rejalia → u/TealGloves]

My kid‘s school doesn’t allow food sharing at all. There are no kids with food allergies this year and we still can’t share at all.

[u/TealGloves → u/Rejalia]

I understand the intention, but that is still so sad.

Next best alternative for little kids especially is probably fun stickers.

[u/No1_TheLarch → u/TealGloves]

Great tips,  any others for adults? :D

[u/Accomplished-Pay6965 → u/No1_TheLarch]

Volunteer!!! Repeated unplanned interactions with like-minded humans who are often kind and generous. That’s how I’ve made most of my friends as an adult 🤗 even met my life partner on a volunteer shift (such a blessing in the age of dating apps).

[u/Illustrious-Rain-235 → u/TealGloves]

I like this advice but pls be wary bc it can turn into people pleasing behaviors that OP’s child can carry on with them.. I was the kid who used to be excluded and unfortunately got badly hurt bc of people pleasing

Not saying these are bad ideas, just good to have boundaries and teach children to have boundaries too!

[u/TealGloves → u/Illustrious-Rain-235]

Thank you for bringing this up! This is definitely true to be cautious of. Being friendly is nice, but everyone needs to have their own independent self worth too and understand appropriate boundaries.

[u/habitual_citizen → u/TealGloves]

This and I think also not expecting to become friends with everyone you meet. Sometimes the weight of expectation can 1. Make the other person feel pressed and not in a nice way and 2. Can set you up for disappointment.

Basically my life became so much easier when I realised I won’t become friends with everyone I click with. Sometimes you are just destined to have one, meaningful, memorable interaction with someone you’ll never meet with or speak to again.

[u/bleepbloop1900 → u/TealGloves]

2 of my best friends I met complimenting them randomly on the street because they looked so beautiful and kind I wanted to be friends.
It really does work just approaching nice people and being nice.
Lifelong hack. I still do it. I stop women at bars and then we become friends.
I’m an introvert but I’m not shy if that makes sense.

[u/ChumbawumbaFan01 → u/TealGloves]

I have worked in schools from elementary to high school and kids love being smiled at. I smile at every kid I see and every day is a new series of frowns turned upside down.

[u/redandbluecandles]

I also delt with a similar bullying type situation in 5th grade. One boy started going to my church, was weirded out that I was there, and told everyone not to be friends with or talk with me because of that. My parents contacted my teacher and my teacher said she wouldn't do anything because she wanted me to handle it. I was being bullied! I was a child! The type of teacher that lets this happen to a child is a sign of a bad school in my opinion. If you can move your daughter to a different school it might be for the best. I also will say that groups like girl scouts really helped me make friends as a kid as well. The group was smaller and everyone was much nicer.

[u/gaelicgirl1983 → u/redandbluecandles]

I was actually thinking about girl scouts too, but I wasn't sure if most people would find that helpful. I'm neurodivergent and found it helpful, but I also grew up in a small town.

[u/HaleyMFSkye]

Honestly it sounds just like my experience in grade school. I was an only child of divorced parents as well. It definitely sucks now but it will get better.

In my opinion what matters the most is having a supportive home to return to every day.

And twin day is stupid.

[u/Puzzled-Cricket-7130]

My daughter and I twinned on twin day in kindergarten. I took a photo that morning and sent it to her teacher. The teacher showed the class.

It doesn't fix the rest, but for us it was one less wound she has to carry.

Fwiw, my daughter has ADHD so lots of these kinds of moments.

[u/ezbeing-green]

Adding I went through this with my son in 1st grade. It was simply a class that didn’t click and a teacher not doing anything about it. It was awful last year but we took every opportunity to be social with him outside of class and just supported him as we could. Sad day, just talked about it did things to work through the feelings.

In our case most of the other kids in his class have good friends groups outside of this class and they are the ones who are not as social with others. not in soccer with them or not in kindergarten with them that sort. Second grade is going much better and he has friends in class and it’s a much more relaxed environment. He actually comes home happy and talking about friends and activities.

Just keep being supportive and encouraging. She will need those strong independent lessons more as she grows up, great job and keep it up. teach caring and to keep being open and nice. It’s probably not your kids fault in any way. Social dynamics for little kids is very hard for them and hard for us to help with.

[u/wipedoutmom]

This could absolutely be true, but sometimes kids at that age have one or two bad days, or even just hours, at school and become VERY hyperbolic about their circumstances lol. My son (same age) tells several times a week that nobody plays with him, he has no friends, he’s lonely etc etc. However, every day at drop off and pickup, he’s running around and playing with kids in his class. Even so, I was worried and messaged his teacher who assured me that he’s had no issues making friends.

[u/squirrelsquirrel2020 → u/wipedoutmom]

Agree, and also I’ve seen many times “no one would play with me” when what they actually meant was “no one wanted to play the specific game I wanted to play and I didn’t want to play anything else.” Definitely worth keeping an eye on it and checking in with the teacher and maybe setting up some play dates tho!

[u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 → u/squirrelsquirrel2020]

I have a few teacher friends and they’re always saying this. “No one wanted to play with me” often translates to “I demanded kids stop playing four square to play tag with me but they wouldn’t and I have some strong feelings about it.”

[u/ibspatrol → u/Adventurous_Ad_6546]

Yeah, this line from OP:

I raised her to be strong and outspoken as I feel like she will need to be in this world, but now I feel like I did too much and she is not liked by others.

Could mean so many things. I run after-school drama programs, and a lot of kids that don't fit in elsewhere land with us. Some of them have parents that do them absolutely no favours and refuse to have them assessed in order to access appropriate resources that may help them long-term. Two days ago I had a child tell me (while hysterically crying) that it caused them physical pain to follow instructions (the instruction was to try to touch their toes. It wasn't the action that "hurt", it was being told to do it) and that I was being abusive for "not letting me be me". Very difficult to be in a play when you are literally incapable of taking direction.

I'm not saying OP's child is like this, at all. We just can't possibly know the reality of the situation as internet strangers with limited context. So, so, so many parents refuse to teach their kids social skills or enforce any boundaries at home whatsoever, and then act completely shocked pikachu when their kids can't form relationships. It breaks my heart.

[u/Sharp_Lemon934 → u/squirrelsquirrel2020]

And then they say they are being bullied! I’ve literally watched this play out SOOOO many times. No honey you are not being bullied, you are being rigid and if you want to play you are going to need to be more open to games others want to play. No one wants to be your puppy for an hour that you boss around.

[u/Sorry_Peanut_7070 → u/Sharp_Lemon934]

I remember this happening in elementary! Me and my other friend were the ‘bullies’ bc she wanted to keep playing tag and we wanted to do something else instead, and she interpreted it as us excluding her. I remember she ran off to tell on us and I was soooo pissed🤣

[u/hannahyolo21 → u/squirrelsquirrel2020]

Seconding this!!! My younger sister would often use this exact phrasing for any mild inconvenience bcz it elicits a reaction, I only noticed it when watching her play at the park!

[u/Elisind → u/squirrelsquirrel2020]

Hahah oh yeah mine can do that as well. Turned out many kids wanted to play, she just wanted to dominate them into a specific game which the others weren't into. Tough lesson to learn but yeah that's the disadvantage of other children, they don't just play what you want like mum and dad :')

[u/Icemoyeye → u/wipedoutmom]

I agree with this. Kids are SUPER hyperbolic and also tend to experiment with lying. And people in this thread are telling her to move which feels like overkill at this point (or maybe it’s not, but the details provided aren’t enough to suggest moving with). I’d say let this school year pass before taking any serious measures.

[u/Specialist-Syrup418 → u/Icemoyeye]

Yes. The lying. One of my 4 year olds started saying one of us punches him in the face or I punch their dad in the face. We don't even slap them on the hand or butt let alone punch them in the face. It comes out randomly even if we are not arguing.

[u/malledtodeath → u/Specialist-Syrup418]

my kid told my neighbors that he and his dad sometimes rub dirt on their faces and hold up signs asking for money by the freeway!!!

[u/naturalbrunette5 → u/malledtodeath]

He’s processing what he does see on the freeway in his own way.

[u/malledtodeath → u/naturalbrunette5]

for sure, it is just a good example of how kids will just say shit.

[u/lovelandian → u/wipedoutmom]

I agree with this. I work with children and if they stubbed their toe, they broke their foot. And maybe the teacher sucks, or maybe, she just doesn’t see the child being excluded.

At the end of the day, the teacher can’t make the other kids hang out/be friends with her. She can switch seating, encourage kindness, and whole group play, but kids have minds and wills of their own and if they don’t want to hang out with her for whatever reason, they’re not going to.

Ultimately, I’m sorry your daughter is going through this. She’s still young and hopefully one day her best friend will appear.

[u/Mysterious-Willow391 → u/wipedoutmom]

Yep and it goes both ways too. Our kid told us everyone was his best friend and when we observed him and spoke with teachers we saw something very different.

Ours is AuDHD so that explains his lack of social skills (he's a teen so they're much better now after therapy and meds) but kids that age especially just kinda say shit a lot. Especially if the one thing that stands out to them is bad.

[u/holymolym → u/Mysterious-Willow391]

My AuDHD teen boy oscillates between “everyone is bullying me” and “everyone is my BFF (though they never want to see me outside of school).” It’s wild.

[u/Sharp_Lemon934 → u/wipedoutmom]

My son wanted to switch schools because he had 2 bad days in 4 square and thought everyone was “teaming” on him. I thought things were really bad for him based on his emotional response. Well I arranged a play date with one of his friends he was fighting with (and we are close to the parents-I didn’t say anything about the fighting) and sure enough…..they were still good……it was literally just 2 bad days where him and his buddies weren’t getting along.

[u/Junior_Big_1310]

This post hurt my heart. My first memory of school is walking onto the bus for kindergarten and being made fun of.

I would continue to follow up with her teacher. I know that it can take time and resources that you may not have available but is she in any clubs, sports, or after school groups? Perhaps a space where she can connect with kids over a built-in common interest would be helpful in connecting her with others and building confidence.

[u/classyfranklin]

If your child’s school has a counselor, please reach out and express your concerns. Many elementary schools have programs like a “lunch bunch” where the counselor will pull a small group of students to eat together and work on friendship skills. Also consider joining activities outside of school like soccer, dance, scouting, art classes, etc. Your child might meet new friends with similar interests and some may even be attending your school.

If you receive no response from a teacher within a week, it’s ok to reach out again. Life happens, emails are missed, and gentle reminders can be helpful. Request a phone call if you feel that would be easier. As long as parents are kind, most teachers really do want to help!

Twin Day isn’t a great Spirit Day. I bet others in the school feel the same! Don’t be afraid to kindly reach out to admin and express concerns about that.

[u/No_Jello2358]

Male here. I think that’s what I have to say for my comment to post. But have you thought about sports? Maybe martial arts? I get school is the primary place we make friends but sometimes outside activities work too. You mentioned you divorced, what about her cousins if any ? It sucks to hear this is happening to your baby. I got nieces and nephews and I can’t begin to imagine what I’d feel if they came to me and said that no one wants play w/ them. The world is a shitty place sometimes and it shouldn’t be shitty at such a young age. I hope things work out. 🙏🏽

[u/NonArtiste5409]

As parents we tend to believe our children. But this may need a different a approach where you get more detail and wait to see what the problem actually is.

What does she mean when she says that nobody wants to talk to her? Is she trying to talk to them by saying inappropriate things for example or interrupting, or any other behavior? Sometimes kids do that thinking it's funny and it falls flat. Trust me it happens to all kids, not just neurodivergent kids. How does she know that the other kids are telling each other not to talk to her? When she says she plays alone, what does that mean or what does that look like? I hate to say it but that could be that she's telling other people to go away too. I'm not saying that's happening with your daughter. But I am saying there may be other things that you don't know about that are important details here, and it can be easy to make assumptions as an adult that aren't happening for the kids.

Some of this sounds older than kindergarten tbh.

I would suggest asking her questions to find out more and then not doing anything about it until you have a more complete picture.

It might not even be your problem to solve.

[u/LegallyBrunette326 → u/NonArtiste5409]

FWIW, my super outgoing and friendly son has come home from school saying that he was upset because no one wanted to play with him. I specifically asked the teacher if he plays with other kids or if he is often alone, and to tell me how he interacts with his peers. She was completely caught off guard because she sees him regularly playing and laughing with friends, and was even more surprised when I shared our conversation. What your child says may be true, but it might also be partially true/more reflective of his perception/feelings versus something thats actually happening. If he wants to play together with friends, maybe practice asking “Can i join your game?” with friends/kids at the park. And twin day is rough - I hadnt even heard of it until my daughter started camp this summer. One of the moms was a godsend and sent out a comm with a counselor that some of the girls were going to wear xyz, and that they didn’t want anyone to feel left out so they were letting everyone know in case they want to join - maybe next time you can be that mom and coordinate a plan for other kids who might feel the same? If what your son is saying is actually happening, there are certainly others who might feel this way and he can lean into a friendship with them. It’s definitely a heartbreaking thing to hear as a mom 💔

[u/meeplebonkers → u/NonArtiste5409]

I think this is a good comment, but I would preface this with asking your child what she needs from you. Sometimes we have to make decisions for our children for safety or welfare reasons, but in general children are really good at telling us what they need.

You could offer options like: "What do you need from me, love? Do you just want to talk about it? Or would you like my help with trying to change something about this?"

If you jump right into asking the questions about her behavior, if she is very sensitive, she might feel like she cannot trust you with this, or feel (more) ashamed about what she might be doing, even if you ask ever so carefully. Ask me how I know lol

Good luck, OP!

[u/lanavk42 → u/NonArtiste5409]

This is a very valid comment. My son used to come home and say he didn’t have friends at school and everyone hates him at school. When we reached out to his teachers they told us he had lots of friends and the kids in his class loved him.

Neurodivergent kids can be very hard on themselves, have low self-esteem and perceive small friction/conflict as the “end of the world”

Most of the time, kids are also not allowed to talk during lunch because they only have 20 min to eat and teachers have to get them in and out and to the classroom quickly.

[u/gordo8990 → u/lanavk42]

My mom always talks about how she picked my sister up from the first day of kindergarten and she asked how her days was. My sister said “I don’t have any friends and no one likes me” and mom said she looked up and all these kids were waving at my sister, saying “bye bye Rachel! See you tomorrow, Rachel!” My sister never noticed or saw it, even when it was pointed out to her.
She was diagnosed with autism in her mid 30s

[u/That_Bee_Baker → u/lanavk42]

Also, kids who are neurotypical can zero in on a single day or moment and crash out. My niece, while in kindergarten, once had a day where she got to pet a bunny and have lunch with a relative who gave a little talk and brought all the kids in the class snacks, and she came out skipping and singing and waving to her friends. Later on, she sat on the kitchen floor wailing, "It was the worst day!" And she really felt it in that moment, and it was very real, you know? It's possible she was focused on something that seemed small, or was just overwhelmed by everything, or it was the evening witching hour, lol. Just emotions are intense for kids!

[u/One_Access4901]

My daughter moved to a new school and the kids wouldn’t play with her so I encouraged her swinging on the swings and reading a book under a tree. She even bought a deck of cards one day and kids started coming to her curious what she was doing. It eventually fixed itself but took awhile. I always told her she has a right to exist and she can hold her head up high because she is loved.

[u/lowselfesteemx1000]

Do you think she might be some flavor of neurodivergent? I didn't know I had autism until I was 27 but the ostracizing and instant dislike started YOUNG.

Regardless, I'm sorry your daughter is having such a hard time. If you're looking for advice, I can tell you what I wish someone would have done for me: Assure her that it's not some personal failure and it's not her fault the other kids are being mean. Help her find confidence and positives in being alone and explore some solo hobbies. See if there are activities near you where she could meet kids from other schools or even get to know some kids at her school more closely in another setting. Sometimes there are just one or two kids that really lead the effort and the rest just pile on.

[u/LittleKitten37]

She'll find her person. They always do. I have elementary aged kids and there's always hard moments. And if your kiddo is neurodivergent like others have suggested, the right person will find her. My ADHD kid latched on to her ASD classmate one day and never let go. He doesn't speak much but she speak enough for both of them and loves him immensely. There's someone out there for everyone

[u/Extension_Swimming_9]

As long as she's not being hurt, I'd wait and see if she'll figure something out. Without seeing for yourself, it's hard to say if her "strong and outspoken" is coming off positively or negatively.
Or maybe she can sit with other kids at lunch, be kind, and see if they'll reciprocate? Kindergarten is a weird time where a lot of kids learn how to interact with their peers, what's ok, and what's not ok. From my time in kindergarten, there were cliques, but I'd say there was something for everyone.

Maybe focus on her having a good time learning and participating in school activities.
Also check out the r/kindergarten. There are other parents navigating the same worries :)

[u/Rarity0_0]

Before you do anything. Take a day off and observe your kid without them knowing. Meaning ask the teacher when lunch is, recess and any times where there are social interactions. That way you can peep in and see for yourself what’s actually going on. Do not inform your kid you’re doing this and don’t let them see you. Dealing with little kids, I find they often exaggerate the truth.

[u/duckloops → u/Rarity0_0]

I mean, adults tend to find anything a kid goes through to be an exaggeration. It's sort of what happens you have a lot of life experience vs someone who's only been alive a few years. but that doesn't mean that what's happening isn't extremely hurtful for the kid, and taking the perspective that they're "exaggerating the truth" is only going to hurt them even more in the long run.

[u/TartarSauceDippinDot → u/duckloops]

Thank you for saying this, our pediatrician explained it as: some small inconvenience (to us) feels the same as a death or divorce to them because it’s literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to them in their small scope.

[u/Sea_Sider3898 → u/TartarSauceDippinDot]

This can also go the other way. My kids are 9 and 12 and there have been times I got super bent out of shape over seeing them experience some rejection or other hurt and I prepare a whole talk with them about it … and they are clueless about what I’m talking about and have moved completely past it. They are incredibly resilient in general and always just move on.
So I have to remind myself that even if my younger self would have been upset about something, it doesn’t automatically mean my (or any) kids would be upset about it

[u/Human-Warning-1840]

I don’t know about the pizza. Looks burnt to me. I would ask for a meeting at school maybe with your daughter and ask your daughter to be open. The teacher should ensure that your daughter is included, maybe she needs to allocate pairs if there is team work. See how it goes and how the school responds. I’m sorry it must be very hard for you. Kids can be cruel, it’s awful.

[u/gimmehardcandy]

My daughter is a kindergartner too and sometimes tells me friends don't want to play with her at recess. I remind her that sometimes they want to play something else and that's ok. She can play by herself or find a different friend to try to play with. There's lots of other kids on the playground to pick from. I also remind her that sometimes she likes to play by herself and other people may want to as well. Oh, and if someone is being mean to her, she does not need to play with them or be around them.

I had bullies all through grade school and jr high. It got better in 8th grade. I turned out fine. I just find my people or enjoy time alone.

[u/kmary75]

Chin up Mum. My daughter came home and told me the same thing at that age and I remember I cried myself to sleep that night heartbroken for her. She is currently 18yo and 4 weeks away from finishing school. Between school, sport and work, she has more friends than she knows what to do with. My husband and I joke that she would be invited to the opening of an envelope. It will be okay.

[u/itsnotlikewereforkin]

What does “strong and outspoken” mean?

[u/chiliheadsrevolt]

Devils advocate…at 5 you’ve raised her to be strong and outspoken? Is it possible this part of her personality came out in the first couple of weeks and she then unfortunately alienated herself? I think it is crappy that no staff member or teacher has notice her by herself on the playground. I get they are overwhelmed but how does the professional not pick up on that at all. I’m sorry this is what is happening with her. Maybe try an extra curricular that wouldn’t have kids from her class? Try one or two towns over

[u/manchegomonologues → u/chiliheadsrevolt]

yes, get her in some clubs! i can’t believe how many comments are just saying it’s okay for her to not have friends. it’s important for children to socialize, so keep giving her opportunities to do so. a new crowd is a great idea.

[u/Remote-Structure-961]

Parents need to teach their children social skills as much as any other skills.

It's great that you're teaching her to be strong and outspoken but as you teaching her to get along well with others? To make friends? To be part of a group and not offend other kids? How to compromise and learn to play well with others?

I was a room mom and helped out several days a week at my kid's Kindergarten and I was surprised at how some kids just didn't have any social skills - you know the "I'm just being honest" type. Or they are always want to be it and not the monster because being chased is fun but chasing other kids isn't. Or they want an audience and talk at people.

Yes I know that they could be on the spectrum but at the same time it shouldn't be surprising if kids don't have any friends and are alone if they don't care about their fellow kids having fun or what they feel.

I had some challenges growing up (I was a huge chatterbox) and I make sure I teach my kid that conversation is a two way street and it shouldn't just be her having fun. She needs to look at the face of the other person, see if they are actually interested and check in. Give them chances to join the conversation etc.

[u/hostilecarbonunit]

are you in a neighborhood with a playground? just wondering if you notice if she interacts with kids at all while there. my oldest is ten and was not super interested in playing with others until 7 or 8. also got attention of teachers for having some social skill issues. but she is doing a lot better now navigating friendships, the best ones she has were made outside of school.

i know everything is so fuckin expensive too, but wonder if there is some activity or class you could take her to? once i got my kid in martial arts she really opened up and got more confident. not sure if i caught right that you’re in chicago, i am and could maybe help with some places to check depending on your area? hang in there, i know it’s hard to feel like they are having a rough go with other kids.

[u/manicpixie_dreamgal]

The advice on this thread is crrrrrazy. Move?! This is a kindergartener, yall. It’s October, the school year just started. Tenacity is learned through experience and observation. How do you model tenacity for her, particularly in social situations, is what I would advise focusing on.

Take her to the library and strike up a conversation with another parent there where you showcase curiosity and empathy, then reflect back on it with her later in the day. “I love talking to other parents that enjoy reading science books with their kids. It gives me energy to talk to people that like what I like! Sometimes it can be scary to get to know new people, but sometimes it’s very rewarding and you have to keep trying.”

Same thing if you strike up a conversation with a stranger and it falls flat. “The parent I met at the store today didn’t want to talk, and that’s okay.” Etc

[u/PlasticGirl3078 → u/manicpixie_dreamgal]

The advice on this sub is often crazy. Give the girl a chance to settle? @op its not nice to think about but is there any way your kid maybe said or did somthing that was mean or upset somebody else? In my expierience teaching 4-5 year old typically kids dont just alienate other kids for no reason. Im not saying the reason is a good reason as nobody deserves to feel excluded, but usually there is a reason

[u/Specific_Parsley1416]

not trying to be accusatory, but I'm wondering if she has to follow more rules at home than the average kid? as an educator but ive noticed some kids with less friends have a bit more rules at home and have to be more cautious than other kids, who are left to play and socialize. Generally speaking, a lot of my students who have had a harder time socializing come from stricter households, or their parents aren't very sociable or warm (not saying this is you). that being said, the teacher should make an effort to relay what makes her think your child is happy the way she is, ESPECIALLY if ur daughter is telling you she is unhappy with her lack of friends. Bring this up at the parent-teacher conference, or during school hours

[u/sierrapanda1]

Hi not sure you will see this but here is what we did.

I didn’t have many friends and felt left out a lot. So, I was determined to help my daughter knowing it might not work out.

1 bribery - not really but kinda. I asked the teacher what could I help with to bring in. So the teacher would say child’s mom or dad donated this to the class. It got some attention to her that was good. Doing that upped how people saw her.

2 Next any friends she made I tried to set up play dates so she knows that in some ways she has friends. Also found out recently that bigger groups of kids attracts more kids. Practicing at random parks helps learn what to do with other kids and if it doesn’t work out you don’t see them again so even if it is hard practice helps.

About twin day maybe twin with the teacher. Kindergarten is young enough that it’s cool!

This is super hard cause you want them to succeed so much. Having a caring parent like you will help her too! Try to make friends with other parents though I know it’s awkward … you got this!! From one caring parent to another good luck!

[u/astralprojekts]

kids as this age are pretty brutal i learned. push for her teacher to help her feel included in activities if possible and if it's radio silence from the teacher go in and talk to the counselor, admin or whatever. obviously you can't force kids to do certain things but it's part of the teachers duties to foster an inclusive classroom IMHO. also yeah SCREW twin day, it was my most dreaded as a kid and i dread it for my daughter every year as well.

you're doing the best you can and you did her right by teaching her to strong and outspoken. she WILL find her people and have friends. they will find her ❤️ it's so tough to see our babies go through this, harder when they're an only child. just try and keep encouraging her, advocate for her 🫶🏼

[u/Natural-Blackberry26 → u/astralprojekts]

Tysm ❤️ I needed to hear this. I did contact the counselor originally who then cc’d her teacher. I’ll have to follow up if the counselor doesn’t get back to me (it’s been two weeks).

[u/gaelicgirl1983 → u/Natural-Blackberry26]

If it's been two weeks, I think it's time to follow up again. That's way too long.