I was entering Costco earlier and for the first time in my Costco experience, there was no one there checking memberships so I hesitated and stopped to look around for an employee. In the 5-10 seconds that I was looking around, a man approached me and began berating me, saying that I was stupid and should get out of the way. Mind you, Iām standing like a foot to the left of the leftmost of the TWO scanners so theyāre both totally accessible to him. Heās also the only one making a fuss out of this, since there was literally no one else around (it had just opened) and the entrance at Costco is like 10 ft wideā¦ I was not impeding his entrance to this establishment one bit!
Now, that made me freeze for a different reason (aka Iām scared of angry men). At this point the employee had returned and the man scanned his card and huffed past me. I scanned my membership too and headed in but started tearing up before passing the electronics section. I just ran out through the entrance and cried in my car until I could compose myself. Luckily, I only needed to grab a few things so I could be in and out really quick.
I know I overreacted, but Iām so mentally exhausted of people just being so angry all the time and taking that anger out on strangers. Like I guarantee that I am not the core reason he got mad at me, heās probably mad at something personal. But that still doesnāt make reacting like that in a public setting ok.
Anyways this is what I wanted my dinner to be: aƧaĆ with powdered milk, chefs kiss you will not regret trying itā¦ or maybe you will idk
I have said a version of thatā¦ I usually ask why they are acting so hysterical or over emotional. To a few people Iāve used it on, they got big mad and it makes me laugh so hard.
It's fun to watch them jump, too, when they weren't expecting it. I manage a small store, had a dude come in and give me shit over something unnecessary. He escalated it until he hit me. You should have seen that little man run when I pulled the cover off of mine and hit the button while walking towards him. He finally got the message. Who would have thought that a little old lady would be weaponized?
Addendum - I had already called 911. They showed up 3 hours later. And that, your honor, is why I'm armed at all times.
I had an old man aggressively say to me, "Can you speak english? Say excuse me." It was a warm day, I was walking my dog, and had been at least 6ft from him until the sidewalk narrowed. He was pushing a walker, so I apologized but his tone and word choice were so unnecesssarily mean that I had to say, "I hope your mood improves." It was such a horrible interaction, I had a good cry later, too, since it felt like racism and misogyny all at once.
āThose are some big feelings, little buddy. Sounds like you need a minute of quiet time to process your emotions, little bud.ā
OP, itās ok to freeze and sometimes cry. Keep the advice in the column in mind and try again next if/when it happens again. We donāt overcome freeze issues without practice.
A self defense course would be good too. There you will practice and practice how to stand up for yourself verbally and physically to you will have mind and muscle memory when youāre confronted out in the wild world we live in.
this this this! "OP, itās ok to freeze and sometimes cry. Keep the advice in the column in mind and try again next if/when it happens again. We donāt overcome freeze issues without practice."
Don't you dare feel bad that he triggered a trauma response (I'm assuming, bc don't we all?) that is totally on him. I love the responses people are suggesting, but a freeze response is TOTALLY NORMAL and crying is too, and you are a human so you get to be one. <3
Iāve said āback the fuck up and leave me aloneā to a man before, shut him right up and he even staggered back a few paces. Look, Iām strong, Iām confident, and Iām effing sick of people trying to push me around because I look small and āsweetā ā¦ Iām neither of those things. Fuck with me and youāll see who the bigger bitch is.
Anyway, yeah, people tend to underestimate me and get real surprised when I dont melt into a puddle at their feet. I blame my attitude on the powerlifting š¤£
Iām gonna be so for real, the last time this happened to me i just didnāt engage with him at all. I dialed the non-emergency line and said āiām at [place] and a random man is screaming and threatening me. iām scared he is having a mental health crisisā when he started yelling asking if i was calling my āboyfriendā i just finally said āno sir i called the policeā and he immediately got flustered and stormed off. i do not play around.
I had a very large and VERY angry father. For whatever reason, my response to angry screaming men is usually to take a step closer and smile (not a happy smile, a serial killer excited to have found prey kind of smile).
Something about looking like im imagining them as a lampshade tends to confuse and diffuse lol
Got yelled at by a very angry dad and responded the same way. He was at a loss for words and angry walked away with his kid (I sent his kid home early for behavioral issues)
My go to is scanning them top to bottom then back to top and look at them grossed out saying "eww?!" And turn/walk away - imagine Regina George from mean girls š
I'm sorry this happened to you OP, some men think women are an easy target to let out their frustration. I'm a petite woman and frequently get picked as a punching bag(not literally) by random men so I learned how to deal with it, it's still mentally draining though :(
I had an old man raging at me in a McDonald's drive thru because I didn't let him cut me off (one of those double drive thrus that turn into one lane after ordering). I was like "hey, are you ok bud? I think you might have forgotten your meds today!" He got so pressed that he sped off without his order š
Same McDonald's, a unhoused individual was asking for money just past the pickup window. I had no cash, so I gave him all of the change in my console. It was mostly pennies and dimes, but it was a couple of dollars. As I drove off, he threw it all at my car and called me a broke bitch š
OMG! The change throwing - we were in Nashville a good bit ago, and someone came up asking for money - my husband literally had two quarters in his pocket. No cash whatsoever. Gave it to him (I swear he will give anyone anything to help when he can) but the guy got so pissed, he threw it back at him when we were a few feet away. If he can't take those .50 cents to save it up with the cash he got for the day, he didn't deserve it. š¤·š»āāļø
An old man came and yelled at me in the Taco Bell drive through once because he had parked in the spot closest to the drive through and I was blocking him in by about half the parking space width, waiting for the car in front of me to move. Like sir, there is a whole empty parking lot for a Big Lots and you chose that spot.
I went ahead and backed out and drove to McDonald's. Why are men like this?
I like to use āfunsiesā as a serious verb in my most serious tone
Like in example with this is I would say something like āIām not just standing around for funsies; obviously I was waiting for the employee and now you just wasted both of our times yelling for no reasonā and quickly walk ahead of him
The funsies causes them to buffer and stop in their tracks so I can just move on away from them lol
Oh, you're so good š I was opting to cast aspersions as to his penis size and telling him to fuck all the way off - your suggestions are so much more eloquent! I think I like so many of them but inferring that he is missing his caretaker is especially good at this particular case. Someone else mentioned the term "testerical" which is also brilliant.
I used to confront people but I actually stopped because Iām afraid of escalation. I live in the south and everyone is carrying. People kill people over really ridiculous arguments. I donāt need anyone pulling a gun on me. I just try to shrug off bad behavior these days.
A lot of men do that explicitly because youāre a woman and they donāt have to worry about a fight from another man. Once I realized this, it made me more angry but allowed me to disconnect it from myself and realize he just treats women like this in general
Yes, this 100%. Some men get off on bullying women and it
makes me want to punch them in the face. Which I donāt recommend but wish I could get away with. š¬
One time a guy was harassing me and when I told him to fuck off he laughed and said "what are you gonna do, hit me?" So I hit him. I don't recommend doing this, I could have gotten hurt or in legal trouble, and immediately after I hit him I got scared and ran away which was kinda embarrassing. But the look of shock on his face when I actually hit him was priceless haha
If theyāre acting like a child treat them like a child. āwhoa buddy big feelingsā or āmommy might put up with tantrums and foolishness but I donātā - have you ever seen Burn After Reading? Go for that Tilda Swinton energy
Wow, I needed this perspective to help me get over the fear and turn it into anger. I feel like I'm an easy target for people like this in general and I tend to blame myself but this made a lot more sense when you put it this way, thank you.
I have neighbors like this, she hates herself (they are both alcoholics) which makes it easier for her to accept his hatred of her I guess. I would rather be alone than in a relationship like that, but I am from a different generation I guess.
Hi that would be me! šš» I'd laugh at them for acting like a toddler and if they get in my face well then.....I'm feral when I need to be and can hold my own. I don't take kindly to assholes but I'm also from a FAFO generation and you will find out. I don't give a shit if it's me or someone else you're talking to like that. It's time we start putting these assholes back in their place.
I am often grateful for the SIZE woman I am. I am VERY tall and a big presence. I've varied in actual weight/bulk/muscularity - but I've always been TALL. And I think it helps. I'm also not meek and quite loud (some may say annoying, eh..) when I want to be. I'd LIKE to see a man try that with me, lmao. I think that I suffer FAR LESS common societal abuse thanks to my genetics.
Yelling at you is not okay. Itās not okay for anyone to yell at you.
Having a big emotional reaction like that is a normal trauma response. Itās your limbic system reacting to everyone who ever got irrationally angry and yelled at you over something minor.
If it happens again you can prep yourself with a defense like a quiet, āAre you hungry? Are you sleepy? Does your tummy hurt?ā to drive home the point that heās acting like a toddler who hasnāt learned how to ask nicely for what they need.
Or we, as a gender, could take measures to quietly exterminate all men who act like this using various measures and means until they simply do not exist anymore.
And the fact that violent offenders are predominantly men. Most news segments on violent crime are about how angry men are fucking dangerous and everyoneās problem.
OP, itās totally understandable to cry. Some men are dumb and angry assholes who spread their misery like a virus. You didnāt turn and scream at others because your day became bad, so thereās proof youāre a much better person in all aspects.
Wow, you taught me something with that second paragraph. Now I understand why I will sometimes just have this feeling of being emotionally overwhelmed and involuntarily tear up when some random person is mean to me.
I wish I had been there girlfriend, I donāt stand for that kind of treatment of women (or employees) and have no problem speaking up against it. I am infuriated just thinking about this. More importantly there is NOTHING for you to be embarrassed about; that rude blowhard Neanderthal is the one who should be embarrassed.
And for what itās worth, if a member of the sisterhood had seen you crying, she would have comforted you and you wouldāve been able to finish your shopping with your head held high (and maybe with a new friend). I have been on both sides of that kind of situation and have stepped up for a stranger and strangers have stepped up for me. That is what good women do.
I guess because Iām an overprotective older sister, but if I see someone crying in public my first instinct is to ask them how I can help. And Iāve never felt they were being silly or imposing.
Iāve done the same. In an airport a woman was sitting, crying and I just went up and asked if she would like a hug and if she wanted to talk about it. Coincidentally, she had been talked to mean like this by an airline employee and was so frustrated. I was just glad I was there to be there.
I need you to know my big 30 year old self has cried in public more times than I can count. One of those times very recently as I was at the store by myself and my 2 year old was having big, BIG feelings because I couldnāt pick her up from the cart, as my hands were busy pushing said cart. Safe to say, we both left the store in tears that day.
I once burst into tears on the showroom floor of a car dealership because it was my first time buying a car and the dealer tried to change the interest rate Iād researched, plus he was rude about it - and his manager (a woman) backed him up! Guess thatās not a good look for them, because suddenly the interest rate went way down.
You might want to try this: imagine that the situation was reversed. If you saw a woman crying in a store what thoughts would you have? Would you think sheās a ridiculous crybaby? Or would you think āpoor thing, I wonder what happened?ā Even if youāre too introverted to ask her (and that is TOTALLY understandable and will not be judged) you can give her a supportive look.
Aw something similar happened to me. I was entering a grocery store with my toddler sitting in a low stroller, and someone had tied their large dog right by the entrance. Unfortunately, I am scared of dogs. Also, I am nervous about taking wheels past a dog because I know it scares some and I worry about the dog biting in fear. So, I hesitated for a moment and a man behind me yelled at me. He called me a moron for blocking the path, so I blurted out āIām scared of dogsā to which he got even madder and said something like āwhat kind of fān moron is scared of dogs you goddamn idiotā and pushed past me.
I didnāt cry but it was really upsetting and my heart raced. I did go past the dog but it ruined ten minutes of my grocery run because my heart was racing not from the dog but from being yelled at in anger like that. I try not to be rude to others, so I feel genuinely guilty and stressed if someone thinks I was rude to them.
So, thank you for sharing this post because I felt ashamed, too, that I let some grumpy man upset me for awhile when I had two kids (an elementary school aged one too) that I was taking to the store, and really should be old enough not to let some strangerās bad mood rile me.
Reading your story made me feel very empathetic to you and helps me feel empathy for myself, too, looking back.
Youāre not crazy; the constant anger is really exhausting. People are very stressed now a days in a way I donāt remember experiencing growing up in the 90s.
Wellā¦or maybe itās bc I moved to Boston. People yell a lot here.
Bostonians are so rude!! To this day, I recall getting cursed at and verbally-abused by a bus driver when I asked if he was making stop at a particular location (it was dark and raining and I couldnāt even see the bus number and he started dropping f-bombs at me). I was traveling alone as a female in an unfamiliar city and was already nervous. It so enraged me that I got on the bus and then tore him a new one saying he had zero reason to talk to me that way and whatever made him so angry in his life has turned him into a miserable, piece of shit person. He didnāt expect the clap-back and the whole bus went silent and he didnāt say a peep.
My husband had his face torn open by a dog he knew (dog had a bad past and just got freaked, husband did not blame the dog). So gee IDK it's almost as if people have valid reasons to be scared of animals with pointy teeth
It really takes so much practice (and exposure) to be able to guard your energy/regulate your nervous system response in the face of a threat. It's natural to have an adrenaline response when someone yells at you.
Part of it for me was that I always believed other people over my own experience, so the part where they get personal would also hurt my feelings. And if they were accusing me of something (like being rude) I would assume it was true rather than assert my take on the situation (like my right to be in the space) and basically allow myself to be chastised by a stranger.Ā
The person yelling is almost always just being a dick over something either very minor or completely imagined.Ā
My favorite response to angry men is to call them sassy or diva. āWhy are you so sassy today?ā āOkay girlā or āokay divaā work really well too. They always check in their emotions. It is unfortunately sexist that it works so well, but it diffuses situations quickly.
I always like to ask if they just started their period, since that's their go to toward women. They get flabbergasted and usually just fumble trying to come up with an insult and resort to calling me a bitch. To which my reply is always, that sounds like projection babes. The amount of times that has left these assholes too stunned to speak, is priceless. u/Original_Action8858 they want you to cower in fear so that they can feel big and strong. Don't give them the satisfaction.
If it makes you feel any better, I was at the Costco yesterday and it seemed like absolutely everyone was on one. It was so bad that I actually called another woman a miserable old bitch because, well, she was being a miserable old bitch. I am very much the "it ain't worth it" type of person, but yesterday I was ready to take a charge and fully matched energies with everyone around me.
A shocking amount of people are in such a fucking hurry that it makes them far too comfortable with casually dehumanizing strangers and I am sick to death of it.
You didn't deserve that, and he's a miserable prick for treating you that way ā¤ļø
Why is everyone at Costco always so angry? I've only been there a handful of times (with friends that have memberships) and it always seems like everyone is somehow my enemy. Like they're super territorial over their Costco. It's such an odd phenomenon.
I avoid going at all costs for exactly that reason. That, and the sheer lack of self awareness, compounded by astounding levels of entitlement.
I am mobility impaired and have to use a walker. I have had multiple people at that Costco grab my walker to move me out of their way, as if I were some piece of inconveniently placed furniture.
I may be biased (light sensitive) but I'm convinced the bright obnoxious lights make things worse and are just one aspect of the sensory hell that is Costco.
It has been proven that prolonged exposure to artificial lights can have a significant negative impact, especially on neuro diverse individuals! I know it can exacerbate anxiety and panic disorders, not so sure how it impacts people suffering from chronic asshole-itis š
So sorry to hear friend!! I totally understand, I fold so quickly when anyone is mad at me because I hate being hated, even by a stranger. Proud of you for still getting your groceries! Iām sorry you had to deal with that. You can move on!! š
In solidarity ā stores Iāve cried in: Costco (AHEM), Gap, Anthropologie, Home Depot, Kmart (back when it was around)ā¦ umm thatās what I can remember for now and I bet thereās more tbh.
Big hugs. Iām sorry you had that negative experience. Angry men scare me too.
I feel you girl. Costco can also just be a super overstimulating experience. I once cried in Costco for a similar reason, but it was an employee. I was getting my membership card and told by the employee at the entrance to go through the exit door and get my card at the desk. I told the exit employee this and they directed me to the line. Another employee saw me come through the exit and started yelling at me to go through the entrance. Like at the top of her lungs, screaming. Luckily the exit employee that directed me where to go basically told his coworker to chill tf out š My Costco member photo shows my eyes puffy and red.
Iām so sorry that happened to you - that dude is a total jerk.
But... Don't you go through the exit for returns, customer service, tires, or just food? Why would that worker assume nobody can come in the exit? š I had a coworker that would straight up be so confrontational with customers and also be blatantly wrong. I looooved telling her that she was incorrect in front of everyone. I have a feeling that the Costco worker was the same way.
Yes! Just lugging around a huge bundle of anger like that must be exhausting for them, too. Itās like self-harm, as well as inflicting harm on others. Theyāre not doing themselves any favors by refusing to deal with their big feelings in an adult manner.
When Iām working with little kids and theyāre having tantrums, I have to remind them several times to use their words to tell me whatās wrong. At least most kids have the sense to understand that itās more helpful to themselves and everyone else around them if they try to articulate whatās bugging them. Just hanging around and screaming solves nothing and simply exacerbates everyone elseās bad feelings.
A little kindness can elevate everyoneās day. Try spreading some, angry men, instead of vomiting your personal anger at everyone around you. I guarantee that youāll feel better yourselves and the world in general!
Ya gotta learn to channel that inner New Yorker. "What? You think I'm stupit? YOU THINK I'M STUPIT? Whut's ya problem? Ya think I'm movin outta da way nah I'm right heya and I'm busy, see?" Be sure to be loud enough to get the attention of staff. Bet this guy has caused problems before and enough incidents will get his membership revoked.
You also want to be the person who submits staff compliments about once every two months or so (depending on what's going on, you know when someone deserves it!) Be the butter on their bread. Let them smile when they see your face. You've got this :)
This is when you turn to him and say āif you donāt stop talking to me like that Iām going to uppercut you out of your new balancesā or something of that effect but very loudly. (I just did this at Loweās this past weekend to an old man and it felt liberating).
I know that confrontation for women is scary but like you I have had enough with people. This year I became Kathy Bates in fried green tomatoes and stopped giving a fuck. If people want to be dicks in public I too can be a dick and Iām louder lol.
Donāt be ashamed to cry, Iām sorry heās miserable and took it out on you. I hope you at least got a cinnamon roll to take home and enjoy later <3
Iām so sorry š I donāt blame you for reacting that way. We all hit our limits. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I give it right back š
A few weeks ago, I was in San Francisco. Iām immune compromised, so my husband and I still mask up indoors. We walked into a restaurant, and this gross drunk guy sitting with his girlfriend started making fun of us for having masks. I get the feeling he wasnāt from around thereā¦ Itās not uncommon to see people wearing masks in San Francisco. Iāve been going through a lot lately, so I am at capacity for jackasses š I whipped around and said very loudly āMind your business you fuā¬king weirdo!ā His mouth dropped, and him and his girlfriend didnāt say another peep to us. They did glare quite a bit, though š A lot of men like that will target women, because it makes them feel tough. When we fight back, theyāre usually speechless. But depending on the day, I also mightāve cried from frustration.
There are so many angry men out there itās hard not to internalize. We must resist! Youāre allowed to cry anywhere ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
I usually just dramatically look and yell āgirlā sarcastically and then stare at them and look them up and down. Iāve never had any responses. U just have to stand ur ground no matter what u feel
I just try to make a joke out of it, atleast on my end because u wonāt kill my vibe but I do want u to know ur rude. Plus I feel like when u say stuff it leaves room for argument the eyes say it all and people hate being stared at without anything being said
Crying happens to me as a reaction to a sudden, unexpected big emotional change. Having a boring drive and then the best song comes on? Tears. Half watching the Olympics then I see someone accomplish the biggest dream theyāve ever had? Tears. Get yelled at by a stranger over something small? Tears. Get so angry over something legit that someone does to me? Also tears. It seems to be my bodyās go-to when my emotion changes faster and bigger than I can really process it in the moment. Doesnāt help me look like a cool, in control woman sometimes but itās just how Iām wired.
Edit to add: that guy was out of line and none of that wouldāve happened if he had ever learned a little emotion regulation!! People who needlessly spread their ugliness make the world a tougher place.
Oof, relatable though. People are so angry now, it can make being out feel so exhausting. I yelled at two big dudes in Walmart yesterday then spent the rest of my shop avoiding them for safety. I just couldnāt hold it in, last straw type situation.
But giiiiiirl itās so exhausting to have to be afraid in a grocery store that someone is going to take their own stranger bullshit out on you. Physically or emotionally.
But just a reminder, his bad day isnāt something you should have to absorb. But, since thatās what women have been doing for so long, itās hard to remember that sometimes a jerk is just a jerk, and youāre actually out there doing a great job. So live well, do your best, and celebrate yourself for surviving and thriving, and crying in a parking lot is just part of being a human woman sometimes. We hold a lot for this world, itās always okay to let go some of that heaviness with a good cry, wherever and whenever.
I wish men would learn to stop treating women as their emotional (and occasionally physical) punching bags. I'm in my menopause years and I have no problem telling these assholes to f' off.
My favorite new grocery store game is to play chicken with men. I just don't get out of their way and make them go around me; the surprise on some of their faces is telling.
Us women are so used to being subservient, we go out of our way to avoid even minor conflicts lest we enrage the emotional men.
It sucks when they tap into our shared trauma to make themselves feel more important. I'm sorry you had to go through that, just being in Costco can almost make me have an anxiety attack, so I wouldn't have judged anyone crying in there!
The word āsubservientā always makes me think of the most revolting boss I ever worked with. He was a smallish man, probably only 5ā5ā and slim, and really not smart. His secretary was probably 5ā10ā, a little on the heavy side, and smart. She didnāt hold back on letting him know when he was clearly wrong. She wasnāt rude, but she wouldnāt let him f**k up.
The boss tried his darnedest to get her to keep quiet, but we were in an organization where pretty much everything was governed by statute and regulation. She was always right when she spoke up. He kept writing her up for the most ridiculous things. It got to the point where she went out and found a new job.
So, this asshole boss came to my office on the day or so before the secretary was going to transfer. He said to me, āIf you are Jās friend, you will tell her that she just needs to be subservient.ā
I was stunned. I wanted to come across the desk and punch him in the throat. I said, āSubservient! Subservient? I would never tell her that.ā He and I were never friends. Luckily he couldnāt fire me except for cause.
People suck sometimes. Iām really sorry that happened. I probably woulda cried too. I donāt know why people think itās acceptable to treat people that poorly.
Girl, if it makes you feel better, I have cried all over my city. I saw a woman the other day in my apartment parking lot just bawling her eyes out and totally crashing out. I just sent her love. We are human, and crying is a perfectly normal and healthy way to process emotions.
Girl Ive cried in Costco, Fred Meyer, the chiropractors office, work, driving, sitting in my car- to sad to get out, walking down the road, walking on a trail, at a restaurant, at a bar. I swear I dont cry often but sometimes it comes out of nowhere ya know?Ā
I have found most people, besides the angry men, have actually been very kind. Its an odd feeling for a stranger to look at you with understanding. You are not alone.Ā
Just like the angry man with the underlying issues causing him to be a jerk, you also have other things going on in life that pushed you to tears. That idiot doesnt have the power over you to affect your emotions like that, he was just the catalyst for a release.Ā
I work at the door at Costco so this made me really angry for you :((
We get these kinds of people all the time. My favorite line to pull on them is that they signed in the membership agreement that they arenāt allowed to harass other members or employees so if they continue to behave like that we can revoke their membership. Usually this results in them screaming at me and removing themselves from the store. But I did get talked to by a manager once about it š¬. It just specifically irks me when someone has moved out of the way and is getting their card out and someone else gets mad at them and acts like they canāt scan their card. Thereās literally two scanners just go to the other one or use the one in front of you the person is off to the side. I literally donāt understand.
Secondly, the door employee is not allowed to leave the door without radioing. It was highly inappropriate of them to not be there. I hope your next experience is a lot better and if this ever happens to you again, I would highly recommend talking to a supervisor in a red vest at the front of the store or a manager. If multiple people report the same person for harassing, we can revoke their membership.
Iām so sorry that happened and i completely understand. Dealing with the anger of men always deregulates me.
I had an instance last month where I wasnāt driving fast enough for a man driving behind me. for the record, I was actually driving a few miles over the speed limit & didnāt want to go a lot faster as I was in a part of town that has tons of cops who often hand out speeding tickets. This man was on my ass the entire time and it was one lane the whole time and I was becoming more and more anxious. He was clearly upset and when We finally got to a stoplight that split into two lanes, he was able to drive up next to me at the red light and he got out of his car and came to my window and started pounding on it calling me ābitch, cunt, whoreā & saying I need to stop ālollygagging.ā I tried to stare straight ahead & ignore him and was silently begging for the stoplight to change. I was terrified and there was a couple standing on the corner and one of them said āwhat did you do to make him so upset?ā I absolutely lost it. I burst into tears and then ugly cried for over an hour. I drove away finally and got home safe and then sat in my parked car and cried until I hyperventilated. I swear I wasnāt driving badly, Iām never on my phone and I was driving OVER the speed limit but I donāt feel comfortable going more than a few miles over because Iāve gotten a speeding ticket on that road and I canāt afford another one.
That level of menās anger is terrifying and I probably have a disproportionate reaction but itās also not okay to be that angry. And they call women āemotionalā š¤¦š½āāļøš
Aw, I love Costco! Sorry to hear you had such a bad start to your experience, but rest assured that man was likely mad at something unrelated and made that unnecessary comment to you. Crying is valid, you didnāt deserve being insulted. He could have asked if there was anything he can do to help you.
I hope you go back, and your next time is a more positive experience. Costco pro tip, donāt skip the $1.50 foodcourt beef hotdog, if you like those! My kiddo grabs a cheese pizza slice to join me.
I donāt know what it is about Costco but I swear it brings out the worst in some people. These types are so aggressively on a mission that I donāt get. Iāll never forget one time I was moving slower than some lady behind me wanted with my 1 yr old baby daughter in a cart near a sample line and she yelled at us. Like, weāre shopping in a grocery store, wtf??!! Iām sorry, you didnāt deserve that š«.
You didn't over react. Angry men are extremely scary. You never know what they will do or how physical they will get. These angry men simply cannot control their emotions so the littlest thing turns to anger and violence.
This isn't your fault and tbh Costco (if an employee saw what happened) should have asked him to leave.
It's sad that women end up developing fear of men, especially when they are angry. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
If it's of any consolation, I am autistic with agoraphobia and Costco frequently makes me cry. The last time, my fiance and I went to the food court side and we were going to order a slice of pizza but he was like "Let's just get a whole one." I could tell my nervous system was in a get in and out mood but I assumed it wouldn't be an insane wait. Turns out they were insanely busy and they were running behind. There was no where to sit, it was packed, there was an ocean of carts, lots of people walking past with packed carts. I felt cornered and trapped by the carts and people walking past, all of the chatter and noises. I got so overstimulated and overwhelmed my body went into panic mode and I started crying and I couldn't just leave because our pizza wasn't done and my fiance needed help.
Mine is grocery stores or big stores. But specifically being stuck in them without a swift exit or exit in sight, physically and figuratively. My partner can trigger it in me. If I am shopping on my own I am usually fine, but he has to conduct extensive research on every damn thing he picks up and it has caused panic attacks in the past. We now have systems in place.
I was in a class that was being lectured about something that happened the day before. The professor implied that if anyone got up and left, that was obviously the person who left an anonymous racist message on a desk. My phobia immediately started telling me that I was trapped and couldnāt leave. So I sat there for an hour screaming inside. Iām sure you can sympathize.
I donāt have agoraphobia but I do relate to this, Costco stresses me out so bad when itās busy. The only time I ever go now is 1 hour before closing on weeknights, itās mostly empty and there is rarely a line at checkout.
I am also someone who cries when men are angry (because angry dad growing up) - and I work as a carpenter with mostly men who are 20+ years older than me. Iām lucky to have finally found a workplace where most of my coworkers are level headed, but they still have their moments and I have cried at work multiple times. I usually can hide it until I get to the bathroom but itās so upsetting just to even be crying, so I feel you!!! (I recently started EMDR therapy to try and address it but am still in the beginning stages so who knows if it will work for me)
This is bullying. I bet he would not have said that to a football playing sized man.
With a trauma history of being yelled at by angry men, itās normal to for your nervous system to automatically react. It might help to refocus now on how you brought it back to balance and overcame that. When we focus on something, it builds neuron patterns, so focusing on your resilience and strength builds that pattern in your brain. Well, thatās what they say. If nothing else, in the moments that you are congratulating yourself for these positive qualities, you are not thinking of the upsetting time, and that is likely to feel better.
You didn't overreact and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. (If he was a decent human being he would be embarrassed, but it sounds like he's absolutely not.) Your emotions were appropriate. It's shocking to be verbally attacked for no reason. Please don't beat yourself up over it.
I know it's easier said than done and it's really really hard, but i've accepted we now live in a world where people feel more freedom to be assholes. Empower yourself by reminding yourself that you are equal to any stranger, rhis man is not above you in any way and if he feels the need to be an ass like that, you have just as much of a right to not care. As others have said, he probably treats most people like this and it's 100% meaningless in your case. He's just an angry dude to you, he's no authority, he's not someone you need to please. If someone is upset with you, you do not have to take responsibility for that. I know it's natural to be afraid in these situations, but take a moment to remember you're not powerless in any situation.
Girl! The Christmas of 1996 I was doing some last minute grocery shopping with my kids (3&7). I pulled into a parking space and this car that had been about 150 yards away from me when I turned into the spot was now right behind my car with the driver honking the horn. I got out of my car with my kids and the guy rolled down his window and told me I "took his fu@kin spot" and "Merry fu@king Christmas you little fu@kin b!t@h"..I kid you not! I called my Mom when we got home and told her about it. She had asked what I said in response and I told her I hadn't responded to him or his comments (very uncharacteristic of me)because she had taught me to respect my elders. Apparently there are clauses to that. My bestie was all riled up and ready to go find that guy. If you ignore these guys it's accepting their behavior. Don't let some old, rude man take your Costco joy.
Girlyfriend, I have cried in Costco for way less than an aggressive man who should be banned from the place coming at me. Costco is great but it's a lot of stimulation and nobody moves the same speed as you and just..it's a lot
Next time, just scan your Costco card. You don't need to wait for an employee; that's why they put scanners in (former Costco employee). Also, it's okay to have an emotional response to someone being a dousche.
Idk what it is about costco that makes people nuts. I was exiting one time and you know its always slow with them checking receipts. There was a mom and daughter in front of me that had two carts and the young girl was slow. I donāt like to crowd people so I wasnāt right on her ankles. I was just scrolling my phone while we ambled along. And the guy behind me starts muttering that maybe if I wasnāt on my fucking phone, we could leave. I just smiled at him and said heās fine and my phone isnāt causing the line. He keeps muttering as I go to the exit employee and sheās looking back and forth at us likeā¦oh no. I looked at him and said sir, you need to go home and take a nap. He was SO MAD. But she laughed and so did I.
Iām sorry he made you cry. Next time tell him to go home and take a nap so he can be nicer to people.
Angry men need to go away forever. So over it. Bullies are always cowards. Practice standing up to them. I have and it feels great. In public settings they always back down because they know theyāre in the wrong.
You didnāt overreact! He was being an asshole on purpose, and you have every right to be upset about it. You didnāt start throwing shit around the store, you cried because someone hurled abuse at you for no reason. Itās okay to cry š I hope you feel better now!!
I have experienced this at least 10 times. Iām also scared of angry men and I also cry very easily. The situation created a release of the chemicals in your body that are used during a dangerous situation. When nothing happened, these chemicals needed to be released, so you cried. Itās just biology and endocrinology and proof that youāre a real human person š.
I'm so hyped up lately and stressed that anyone that rages at me gets a full mouthful from me. I don't give a fuck who they are anymore. I am tired of people acting entitled. People have told me that I am terrifying to be around lately. My staff at work don't even want to fuck with me. I was at a soccer game two days ago and someone came and purposefully stood behind me and made a rude comment about not being able to see (I am five feet tall) when they came and stood behind me of their own will and I whipped around and snapped at them so viciously for choosing to stand behind me and be rude that they slinked away to the completely opposite end of the field.
Iām sorry that happened to you. Please donāt feel embarrassed for having human emotions. Youāre allowed to feel upset. Not everyone has been completely desensitized the way a lot of people are today.
Random angry men in the wild are so awful to encounter. Any man or person that acts like a dick really. When I encounter these kinds of people, I put a small curse on them. Which is usually something like "i hope a bird poops on you today". It helps me feel a little better :)Ā
I canāt tell you how many times Iāve cried at Costco. But I do work there so that might be why.
9/10 of our members are amazing but that one ruins your day when you have to interact with them. Iāve been called the worst names in the book and threatened. Itās like, Iām literally just ringing up your order why are you having a meltdown?
As a Costco employee, people are just assholes there. I can't tell you how many times Ive had someone see me and just yell the item they wanted. "BREAD?!"
So I ignore them until the approach me, then when they ask me politely I say "Oh was that you yelling at me? You can address me first and ask me a full question. Anyway, what can I help you find today?" I give them passive aggressive politeness. It's probably my favorite thing to do to people like that. Haha!
Entitled assholes. Anyway, if there is no one there, scan your card and go in, you're totally fine š„°
Girl, as a Costco employee Iām so sorry this happened to you! Donāt hesitate to let us know because we donāt tolerate that kind of behaviour and weāll get onto assholes for you. Sending you so much love
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u/ccarrieandthejets Feral Til Fed 17d ago edited 16d ago
I like to ask āare you done yet?ā when being yelled at by a random man. It makes them angrier but they usually stomp away.
Edit: I didnāt expect all of the likes and awards! Thank you!